Friday, July 08, 2011

Funny Friday

Eagles may soar in the clouds, but weasels never get sucked into jet engines. 
~Attributed to both Jason Hutchison and John Benfield
I always carry a serious aspect of my writing with me throughout my day. I like to be professional while others scamper about acting, well, zany?  I like to laugh just like the rest of you, but there comes a point in your writing career where you just NEED to laugh and see the humor in the mundane trivial aspects of living this life. Not a go-circus-like crazy, just a good chuckle every now and then. Lets see if I can make you smile:

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define great, he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft writing error messages.
Typical writer? :
A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in second. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is--”

“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”
A male romance novelist was hiking in the mountains, and he came upon a shepherd who was tending a large herd of sheep that were grazing in the alpine meadow. The writer took a fancy to the sheep, and asked the shepherd: "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?"
The shepherd thought this was an odd request, but thought that there was little chance that the man would guess the exact number of sheep, so he said, "Sure." The writer guessed, "You have 287 sheep," to the shepherd's astonishment, since this was exactly how many sheep he had. The writer got excited and asked "Can I pick out my sheep now?" and the shepherd grudgingly gave his permission.
The writer selected his sheep, bent over, and swung the sheep over his shoulders, to carry home with him.
The shepherd then asked, "If I guess what your occupation is, can I have my sheep back?"
The novelist was a bit surprised by this, but figured that it was unlikely that the shepherd would be able to guess his occupation, and went along with the deal.
The shepherd then guessed "You're a romance novelist, aren't you?"
The writer was very surprised and asked, "How did you know?"
The shepherd responded, "Put the dog down and we'll talk about it."
Lightbulb moment?
Q. How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. One to screw it almost all the way in, and the other to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and began to yell, "Couldn't! Wouldn't! Shouldn't! Didn't! Can't!"? She was having contractions.

So there you have it, you came, you read and hopefully you smiled. Go out and embrace the beauty of this world.
 “Don’t get stuck behind a window looking out, you’ll miss the rainbow.” ~Joni Zipp
Maybe this world is another planet's hell. ~Aldous Huxley

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