FOCUS

One half of knowing what you want is knowing what you must give up before you get it. ~Sidney Howard
***

I’ve set in motion a plan that I have for my life but somewhere along the line I got sidetracked by all the cute rides at the carnival. The roller coasters, the Carousel, the games and stuffed animals, what happened? This isn’t the picture I had in mind for myself.

I had a picture of a professional writer. One who becomes published with a real hard cover book sitting on the shelves at Barnes and Noble and maybe a few articles submitted, and Short Stories published, and most definitely a few books of poetry out there. All sidetracked by play time?

Not any more. A rude awakening! I’ve been God Slapped! I’m tired of being discouraged to the point of depression. I’m tired of putting my goals and dreams aside for a few moments of howdy do’s, a few games of yo/farm/hippie ville and a wave and a few hugs. Is this all worth it, for real? Is my sanity worth it?

I don’t think so. I have an email, I have a blog, if people really cared to see me or wave to me or give me a word of encouragement, I am a part of an online writing site, you can all wave and flutter by there can’t you? Or here?

I am normally a fun-loving free-spirited person but here lately things of the smallest caliber have crawled under my skin and turned to worms in my stomach making me want to vomit, and it can all be very discouraging.

When I see people make fun of God, and spew vulgarity, while others wink wink and say “Oh you’re going to hell.” Am I supposed to just sit like a carved statue on the side and listen but not react? Well, I  have chosen to focus on me and my writing. Through my writing I may rant and rave and get a whole lot of ugliness off of my chest that I’ve carried around a lifetime.

Let them laugh, mock, pretend; let them wallow in hypocrisy and drown in their own sorrows because me, I’m focusing on me as I change and grow to be the woman that God himself carved me out to be. I just hope that some people know that the way to encourage someone is to support them. That simple.

As my family, who is all back East and I in the Midwest, survived an Earthquake that by Maryland/DC/Va standards was big. As I watch people laugh and mock, natural disasters, I will celebrate the tenth Anniversary of September 11 attack with a candle and some prayer. Not on facebook, where it will be turned into a hatefest, racial slurs, religious taunts and all the ugly you can imagine. It is time for me, to become me, and time for you, to become you. What an enlightening week.

Now is the time to focus not just inward...but upward. As I grow and change, as the world shifts...will I stand alone? Only time will tell.