Friday, October 17, 2014

The Ebola Scare

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Philippians 4:8 "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things."

The Ebola Scare

Does even the name make you cringe? Here in recent news this is all you ever hear about, Ebola. I think people get scared because as in anything we don’t know a thing about and what we do know is all spoon fed to us via media outlets who are often one sided.

Are you the kind of person that when something serious happens, you want to know all the information you can about the event? You sit sometimes for hours seeking out news, listening to people, digging through fact-finding websites just so you can get some kind of handle on the situation?

It’s been an interesting month in the Ebola crisis. It began with U.S. missionaries flown here for treatment over the past summer, they were treating Ebola patients and came down with the disease and were brought back to America to be treated, then it went to a man Thomas Eric Duncan who came into the country with Ebola, and now two nurses are fighting the disease because they took care of Mr. Duncan.

Here’s what we know about the Ebola scare:

According to the World Health Organization, the Ebola outbreak in West Africa has sickened 8,399 people since March, killing 4,033 of them -- making it one of the worst outbreaks of the virus in history.

We know that two nurses that had close contact with Duncan have now been diagnosed with Ebola and finally after two and a half weeks of exposure to the outside world, the 75 or more attendants of Duncan are being asked to have limited contact with the outside world.

Due to the lackadaisical attitude of the CDC and of the nurses who treated Duncan, Americans are now fearful of where the disease will show up next. I say fearful because the illness knows no bounds and I feel the Center for Disease Control is not as in control as they would like us to believe.

They are the people who didn’t restrict the nurses from boarding planes, jumping on a Cruise ship and exposing possibly hundreds of people to the disease. Why wasn’t after every single worker that came into contact with Duncan told they had to restrict contact with others for 21 days? Because of the inconvenience to this very selfish society? To me, it’s a very ignorant response to a lethal killing machine.

Then there is the lying factor. First, Duncan did not tell anyone he had come in close contact with a woman who died from Ebola. He exposed everyone on the plane but because he didn’t have symptoms, he ignorantly thought he was exempt from spreading the disease. He told the hospital the very first time he came in with a fever that he had just come back from the infected Liberia, but they sent him home.

He goes home and comes in contact with three residents living in the house, whom we’ve not heard a peep about since they were put in isolation. He is rushed back to the hospital, VERY sick, and is in contact with unprotected nurses and doctors again, who then finally diagnose him. He’s carted off to isolation and later dies.

We know the Dallas Texas hospital was not capable of handling such an infectious disease and instead of notifying a more capable hospital, only FOUR in the country, the ego won out and the hospital sat on a high horse claiming, “We got this handled!”

They DID NOT have the sources to care for the disease and because of their ignorance many are coming down with the disease. The country is blaming Obama for letting people into this country, pointing fingers at people for this and for that all the while the Ebola scare is becoming a real possible epidemic.

I blame the selfish ignorant people who sat on a high horse thinking they were exempt from such a disease even though they KNEW full well that they had been in contact with a contagious man, therefore possibly sharing their disease with hundreds of others. The spoon-fed smiling faces of the infected do not fool me into thinking I’m exempt!

Satan has got us in his hands. People are fearing, lying, ashamed, hiding facts, being selfish and thinking of only themselves and their pleasure. They are killing, raping, beating and devouring the very essence of morality in record proportions.

I have a funny feeling that people are going to be turning to their faith, any faith, flocking to the churches and finding peace while hiding from pain and fear of this retribution. These are the times I read about and the times I’ve prepared my soul for in the grand scheme of things. May the Lord God be with you all.

Isa. 52:10 The LORD hath made bare his holy arm in the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God.

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Grains of Sand

Job. 6:3 For now it would be heavier than the sand of the sea: therefore my words are swallowed up.

Grains of Sand

Shards of glass, window broken
Words unsaid, never spoken
Lining up the grains of sand
I reach out to grasp a hand.

No one sees me standing there
Arms outstretched in deep despair.
Calls unheard, emotions dripping
Grains of sand, my fingers slipping.

Fragments of a former storm
Threads just barely keep me warm
I extend a trembling hand
Seeking out one grain of sand.

There along the barren shore
I am offered an open door.
Carried from this desolate land
Rainbows blink on grains of sand.

Prov. 27:3 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty; but a fool's wrath is heavier than them both.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014


Luke 23: 42 And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom.

I remember telling Adam I sometimes wish I had never left Baltimore. His response kind of shocked me. “But mom, look at all the people whose lives you touched. That wouldn’t have happened back there and you know it.”

I had an ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ moment. Really? I touch people? I didn’t know whether he meant ‘touched’ people and their lives or had an affect on them. Let me see: I would’ve not signed up to WVU, I would have never met this awesome family in Nebraska and had a chance to see what normal looked like. I would have not crossed the path of so many who needed a prayer or a lifting of spirits; I would’ve never met mu church family; I would not have been me.

Joining the WVU community brought me to hundreds of minds like mine. Back home I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to make use of friendships on the internet. They were all mass killers in the minds of my sick people surrounding me, who by the way had tried to make ME believe that, but I’m a rebel at heart.

I have said many of times how GOD brought me to Nebraska so I won’t repeat the story again. But had I not rebelled against ‘my people’ I would have not been able to reach out and touch many lives. Through all of these people I feel love pouring through my screen and not the demented love of my blood family, real caring and compassionate love.

So after Monday’s post, which I started writing Sunday by the way, God placed something on my heart and yesterday on facebook two of my Christian friends posted this same scripture!

Proverbs 3:5-8 NASB Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.

Let me tell you, I have a strong community of Christian online friends who might not be physical to me but we all have such a strong spiritual connection it exceeds anything physical!

Now you read my post of Monday and think, “Wow she’s losing it.” But no, really I’m reflecting on everything. Doggone me, I sure do a lot of reflecting and soul searching. That’s the way God made me.

I’m putting things into perspective here. I cannot worry what he does or what he doesn’t do, I have to worry what * I * do and as long as I stay focused on God, I will be carried by Him. I wrote a poem a while back titled ‘Your Sin is Not My Sin’. And I need to practice what I preach. Not worry about HIS sin and what he does, just worry about me and MY relationship to God.

While I go around lifting people up in prayer, presenting a happy-go-lucky lifestyle, inside I cringe. I’m tired of being made to feel stupid, I’m tired of people correcting me like everything I do is tagged as wrong, whether it is spelling, comma usage, or dangling participles. I guess as a writer I need to be made aware of my mistakes, but on a social site? I let go of everything; I typo, I often make mistakes but guess what I KNOW I make mistakes and sitting there editing everything on my facebook wall is nothing but paranoia of being pegged as stupid.

Since being diagnosed with arthritis in my back, not only does it cause me imbalance, it affects EVERYTHING I do in life from dressing myself to cooking and cleaning. In my physical world, I’m looked at as a poor crippled who can’t do anything. In the virtual world, no one sees my disability and doesn’t understand the daily pain I go through just to get out of bed and make them smile.

It affects my mind too. I’ll try and think of something, and often I can’t grasp what I’m even thinking. An example; months ago I was looking for a magic marker and I said, “Do you have a harpie I could borrow?”

I was looked at, laughed at and then responded to, “Do you mean a SHARPIE?” Isn’t that what I said? It is what I meant but it isn’t what came out of my mouth. It happens too often and instead of compassion, I get mocked.

I think God is showing me the way people are treated on a daily basis with even the most minor of disabilities. Imagine being an amputee and having your prosthetic leg stolen. Yeah, it happened in Pennsylvania at an Eagles game. People assume the disabled are smaller people than their higher-than-mighty selves.

Being reminiscent of all I’m enduring has made me think of bigger things that I have no control over and that I need not focus on. I am me and God made me this way. I need to focus on God and me but mostly God and giving it all up to Him!

Monday, October 13, 2014


Num. 11:14 I am not able to bear all this people alone, because it is too heavy for me.

I think I’m being selfish here.

I have no desire to live and every time I have these thoughts God places something on my heart to keep me here.

Is it Nebraska I’m tired of? Is it the life I made for myself that I’m tired of? Is it just me throwing a pity party for myself?

I think I’m tired of being alone. Alone in my thoughts, alone watching football, alone in my world where the only people I have to communicate is my son, and my internet friends who sometimes are the only thing that keep me alive. Yes, I know, with God I am never alone but I need a physical, emotional kind of love in my life that I’m not getting. Is that being selfish? Wanting to be loved?

The enemy has placed himself here in this house and I have no way of ridding him when I myself am hanging in the balances. I feel like a failure as a mother, a writer, a wife (when I was one) and definitely a failure in the relationship department. Anti-social is not me but out here in the middle of nowhere, one can begin to feel a little isolated from the world.

So where did the road start to twist and turn.  Well right after Adam graduated I felt it shift, then a month passed and we quit going to church. That was a depressing time, but I pulled myself out of the hole with the help of Bob offering me a place back in the writing world and I took that as a promising sign but the world around me was still crashing.

I continue to slowly spiral down with a few puffs upward mind you, but still, plummeting down. I completed a six-week fiction writing course and it was good, but I realized I’m really not cut out for fiction writing. I was seriously considering self-publishing until someone said, “Make sure you get it edited, your grammar is lousy!” This as my book of poetry was to be handed in THAT day. I backed out.

Then I fell. I tripped over my computer wire and didn’t have the ability to catch myself and I went down hard injuring my already throbbing back, the fall turned it into a bass pounding thumping that had me clinging to my cane for a day. Yes a cane, go ahead and tease me how only old ladies use canes, it’s not like I haven’t heard it before. I only use it for emergencies and this was an emergency.

Then there was the three days off. He had three days in a row off and I knew what to expect, a thirty-hour plus marathon of You Tube. Yeah, that’s real communication isn’t it. Uh oh, a dangling participle, sue me someone!

Then there was the news of our Christmas. Yeah, no exchanging of gifts, just a day of food and family. While it is HIS family and not mine, I’m sorry (selfish moment here) the exchanging of gifts, all sitting around, taking turns in opening them was a highlight of five years of Christmas’ here, all to be silenced by food. Joy! I’ll enjoy a few nibbles and savor every moment I have in a FAMILY atmosphere. Something I NEVER had or have in my life.

Can you tell I’m at the end of my rope here? I’m dangling and there isn’t one soul who is reaching out to comfort me, here in the pit of isolation. Then to top it off, a friend lost his mother, another friend lost his daughter, and yet another friend lost their father. Then there is this whole scare with Ebola and I’m clinging to the only light I had in my life these past few years, Pastor Mike. I listened to his sermon and I felt the fishing rod pulling me back to shore.

On an okay note, Medicaid sent me an application to RENEW? I had it the first year I came to Nebraska, but then the next year I became ineligible. Apparently living with someone means I make too much money (even though I don’t see or have a dime.) It came out of the blue and since there’s no guarantee I have nothing to lose, right? Right! I either get it or I don’t. That’s like saying I either live or I die, no biggy, I’ll take either one.

Will anyone read this? Will anyone care? Probably not. If I don’t post in on facebook, no one will even know this posts exists.

I’m sounding like an ungrateful whiny brat, I know. But I’m done. I’m not anyone’s doormat and I have to be done.
I don’t know.
I just don’t know.

Even in my darkest days, He assures me I have a REASON to be alive.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Poetry Sunday ~ Isolation

Rom. 12:2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.


I play the game of solitaire
Isolation of my life.
Gentle peaceful flipping
For the settling of strife.

I long to be free
From impeding worldly addiction
Hours leading into days
The soul shaped in affliction.

A world made up of images
Flashing on a screen
Never breathing in the life
Of the muffled outdoor scene.

This day I will fight to live
Outside the walls I’m in.
My life will never be attuned
To the state of man and sin.