Mark 13:33 Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is.
I’ve been thinking a lot about death this week. Who can blame me after you read my previous posts. I’ve realized something I’ve never given much thought to and that was life support. I informed my husband and son that if I’m ever on a machine to keep me alive, to please oh please pull the plug!
I personally think that people on machines are left there for selfish reasons. The family is holding out hope that the person they have loved for so many years will come back to them whole. My dad didn’t want his defibrillator removed because he said it was God’s decision when he goes. And my peace comes from knowing that it was God not man/doctor/sister/brother that took my father when it was his time to leave this earthly shell.
Time, it’s all about time.
Ecc. 3:1-8 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
My sister had said something to me recently, “You CHOSE to be where you are.” What she might not understand (or maybe she does) is that it wasn’t a CHOICE it was TIME! It was my time to heal. My time to get and my time to lose, my time to LOVE and my time to have PEACE!
While my family was back home struggling with the burial necessities, bickering and tugs of war that are a natural part of my family, I sat here out in the middle of nowhere left to mourn on my own. This is NOT the time for dissension; this is the time to pull together! I have been writing this all not for myself, but to share with others who might ever go through this. It is not a morbid fascination for me; it is my way of mourning and grieving.
It’s not really a bickering back home going on, it is more of maybe misinformation? Miscommunication? My dad wanted one thing, my mother wants another thing, and siblings, they want what THEY want. Me? I’m just sitting here 1400 miles away from them and literally out in the middle of nowhere with no way of getting back home. It’s just not meant to happen that way and I accept that with no guilt or remorse.
Let me just say for all of you who WILL have someone die on them sometime in your life and it WILL be up to you to get the tedious things out of the way.
One: Cremation or burial?
These are facts that NEED to be known! A cremation is cheaper than a burial as the burial can cost up to 10 grand! With limited funds, money will play a big part of your decision; unless of course you have a great life insurance policy that will pay for everything.
Two: Know who is in charge.
You may want one person to be in charge but someone else might come in and take over your burial. KNOW who is in charge!
Example: My mother is of sound mind so she should be the one in charge of what happens to my dad. My mother wants his ashes in an urn and a keepsake necklace for her. She wants him with HER!
Three: Make a list... of special material things and where you want them to go and to whom.
Four: A Living Will: Keep in mind that after you’re dead, none of these wishes are bound by a law or have to be met, so be reasonable and understanding and let the one in charge know you understand that all of your wishes might get tossed in the wind but let them KNOW. Get a notarized will if you want your wishes bound by the law. Still not guaranteed.
Knowledge: It is hard on a family to make decisions based on knowing nothing!
Reasoning: During the grieving process, emotions are at an all time high. One person will want one thing, another a different thing but only ONE thing can be done so there is bound to be the clashes of wants. I see ego and pride standing tall, while loneliness sits her peaceful self in the corner facing the wall wanting it all to go away.
It all boils down to one thing and that is TIME! It eventually runs out and the choices are left up to those left behind to do what they will to make peace with themselves. You might THINK you have TIME to get these things in order but know you very well might NOT have time.
I’m thanking my lucky stars that God saw to it that I was placed out here in the middle of nowhere to spare me all the dramatics going on back home. Because when you think about it, it’s not all about love, love, LOVE as it should be it’s all about TIME!
The time we laughed
The time we cried, the time we lived
And the time we… died.
Rom. 8:6 “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”