“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.”
~ The Secret Garden
The Secret Garden
Last night I chose to watch The Secret Garden. I knew why because it would hit close to home and I needed to see the story again. I’m sure you all know the story of an orphaned girl who was sent to live with her uncle who was never at the one-hundred room mansion that his staff took care of including his hidden son and now his ever present young niece.
There are many renditions of the tale over the years but this one was the now classic 1993 version. Little Colin Craven, Mary’s ten-year-old cousin was sheltered in a room where he was told that he was very ill. Never having been outside he believed he was ill and couldn’t walk.
Mary feeling so alone after her parents’ death, went exploring the manor and discovered a secret garden. With the help of the housemaids’ brother, together they brought the garden back to life.
The story unfolded in an elegant manner as Mary saw through Colin and aided him to see that he was not ill, he could more than likely walk and she’d eventually bring him to his deceased mother's resuscitated garden.
You might be able to see and understand why this hit close to home for me. I was raised to believe that this illness I’ve been diagnosed with is a death sentence. I feel sometimes as if I've been placed in the chambers of this vast mansion, told to stay in my room and believe that I am sentenced to death.
Usually and ironically it is the older generation, like Mrs. Madlock, who gives off the most negative vibes. I need to do this their way because they KNOW this is what worked for them (and others). Or I need to listen to them because they are my elders. Or, this one tops the cake, you need to let God guide you in the RIGHT direction. Do what???
I seriously think that people, unknowingly self-righteous, want to point me in one direction when all along I’ve been going in the direction that MY GOD IS LEADING ME! Yesterday marked seven weeks with the knowledgeable diagnosis of this journey and I have ALWAYS sought God’s guidance through prayer and meditation. I need to ask, in all honesty, is your prayer better than mine? Does God only guide YOU in the right direction and not me because ‘I’m younger’?
As I see people dissecting the numerous versions of the Holy Bible, I myself have only dissected the King James Version and hold that one close to my heart throughout my life. I don’t go for the ‘easier read’, I go for the complicated read that makes me REALLY intently meditate on every word and its meaning.
You see, what I’m saying is, what works for you doesn’t work for EVERYONE and you need to be open to the individual path of the youth, the elders, and the in-betweens. We’re all on a different journey and what has worked for you can only be relayed as your experience in the matter, not what will work for an individual in their path. Be open to seeing their version of THEIR journey.
Yesterday was a somewhat good day. I went shopping with hubby and yet again I amazed myself. I didn’t get dropped off at the front door, I walked in the store and through the store and then back out to the truck. I felt great, I FEEL great! Is someone who has been dealt a devastating blow supposed to feel great? Am I supposed to feel empowered, energized, cheerful, happy, and radiant?
I wonder sometimes if as you read this you think this is some form of denial. Let me assure you, God does not master in trickery and fooling a being into believing one thing while He’s at work crafting a big punch in the face so reality sets in. If that is what your God does to you, it certainly is not what my God does to me.
If God had led me to the chemo route, these blog posts would have gone in a much different direction. With seven weeks of research, numerous doctor visits, two of which were oncologists, and a years worth of prayer on the matter, God is leading me in my HEALING! I am not going this alone and I’m not listening to those around me who try to sway me with their ‘sage advice’.
Last night was the first time in a long time that I had a bad nights sleep. I find that when you sleepwalk to the bathroom in the middle of the night, it’s hard to shut off the negative voices all clamoring for a place in your head. So, much of the night I was wrestling demons. I guess I’m allowed my bad nights.
Today I awoke and saw the world as a garden, ripe and ready to be groomed. The warmer weather is smacking us in the face this week, the fields are bursting with activity as farmers get a head start on preparing their fields for crops, and the Crane are awake and singing their tune.
I’m fighting a winning battle and your support, prayer and positive affirmations are welcome in my world. If you, a believer or not, have a negative insight as to what God is doing in my life, please, keep it to yourself as I have MANY surrounding me in belief and support in the way I should go.
As Lord Archibald Craven was summoned prayerfully, in the only way some children know how to pray, back to the mansion he was shocked to see his son walking outside in the Secret Garden, healthy and ALIVE with Mary and her friend. All embraced the BEAUTY of LIFE! Even if the Secret Garden is only in my mind, it is a beauty in the world that I embrace! Live, love, see and be awakened now. May God bless each and every one of you.
Pss. 96:6 KJV “Honour and majesty are before him: strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.”