Thursday, August 03, 2017

Sometimes I Just Need A Break From...

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

Sometimes I just need a break from…
… the disease

Apparently, it’s the disease ravishing the nation, running rampant through the bodies of millions, dripping from the eyes of everyone who is touched by the disease. Everywhere I turn the stupid word turns up. Cancer is taking over the airwaves more than diabetes, autism, or heart disease, the word is everywhere I look and is the very reason I won’t use it.

You’ll often read from me that I have this ‘crud’, or this disease, and maybe even call it ‘the C’ but rarely do I use the word cancer. Facing this mind-numbing illness by choosing to do everything non-conventionally I can’t help but see the word but I’ll be darned if I use it all the time. I don’t want to use the word out of denial or fear, oh no, I know this illness has me in its grips and is wrestling with the very cells of my being. I don’t use the word because I won’t own this parcel that has taken over my doorstep.

Sometimes I need a break from the disease that has taken over my body and will define the rest of my life partly I need a break because I’m drained from information overload. I wake every day and thank the Lord for giving me one more day and then I begin to write. As a writer, I dig into research before I place one word on my journaling pages and that can be more overwhelming than the diagnosis itself.

It has been six months since I was diagnosed and I have been working on healing myself inside and out. I didn’t allow the oncologist to drill in me their fear tactics of an imminent death sentence because I knew what attacked too many members of my family and it wasn’t the diagnosis that killed well over ten members it was the toxic chemical treatments. 

Research, research, and more research needs to be done for this battle to be won. The crud will not be the end of my journey. I have a rewarding purpose in life and defeat is not in my vocabulary unless I use it to say I am defeating the disheveled cells wreaking havoc on my body. But sometimes I just need a break from…the disease.

I know my extremely supportive friends understand if I don’t write every single day or if I sit silently as I scan my facebook news feed, they’re pretty awesome in understanding me. They tell me often how they could never do what I’m doing, or eat the foods I’m eating or even have the discipline to sacrifice what I do on a daily basis.

When I gave my life over to the Lord at the tender age of fourteen, my life took on a new shape a new meaning and pretty simply put became all about sacrifice. I’ve sacrificed so much over my life span and to me, it is all worth the journey because while many will die a fruitless death and be put into the cold ground to shiver their bones for eternity, I am promised eternal life. That for sure is my driving force as I’ve lived half of my life already.

If we as Christians are willing to sacrifice all for God, why are there many that won’t sacrifice lusts of the world, the cravings of their stomach, the feast of their eyes, the destruction of their souls? Why do they call me extraordinary when I am only doing my duty and being a dedicated servant to the temple entrusted to me to take care of?

Through my strength, I am shining a beacon of hope to those that might not have any. I am a pillar of brazen beauty flourishing in the road of turmoil. I am overcoming obstacles that were once thought impassable. I am showering the world with my faith and everything that holds me during these troubling times. May they see in me the God that I serve, the Spirit that dwells within me. I know my spiritual family will all understand if sometimes I just need a break from… the disease.

Matt. 6:20 “But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:”

6 comments:

NurseArtist said...

Just curious about how you would propose to take that break. Do you just take a break in your mind and refuse to think about it? Do you relax your diet and eat a pre-C diet? We all know you can't just flip a switch and the disease is all gone. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing? I wish I could help you take a break, what would you have me do? If it's possible, I will. We love you, Joni. Don't feel you need to blog every day about it, unless it helps you. We just want to know you are safe and well enough to be up and around and fighting this thing. I wish you all the best, and I hope you can stick it to all the doctors who are scoffing at your care plan. Keep doing what you're doing, when you choose to do it, because you want to do it. Go Joni! Go Joni!
I'll be your biggest cheerleader. I used to be a little cheerleader back in 8th grade. Now I'm a big one! lol.

joni said...

Thanks, Dixie! Miss RahRahRah ShishBoomBah! lol

A break to me would never be to relax my diet, no way. I'm kinda loving all I eat.

A break to me is basically just not thinking that I have this disease. I just want to bask in the day that it wasn't filling my day. Ahh... that would be wonderful to wake up and it be last year before I knew and I could appreciate no worry, no consuming thoughts.

But I must say, that I am grateful for this disease because it has changed my world forever. I just need to shut my brain off. :)

Writing is healing. I can't write every day but I do need you all to know I'm doing great! If I missed a week on facebook, Benning would be sending out the troops. LOL

Thanks for caring. It means the world to me!

<3 *HUGS* <3

Debbie Seko said...

I have to agree with everything Dixie said. You have been an inspiration to many of us long before the crud and you continue to be an inspiration. Love and hugs.

joni said...

Thank you so much, Deb.
It can just be a little overwhelming and I think I need to remember to stop and breathe!

<3 and *hugs*

benning said...

So put yer feet up and watch a movie! :D

Hang in there! *Hugs!* <3 Wheeee!

joni said...

You're supposed to remind me to just BREATHE! :D

Thank you, Benning! For everything!

<3 *BIG OLD FASHIONED HUGS* <3