Flashback

Baltimore, Maryland

“Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.”

~ Cormac McCarthy

Here recently I’ve been struggling with flashbacks. Not the good kind with happy memories that follow but truly ugly ones I thought were dead and buried, never to resurface again; but here they are upon me in a tidal wave of emotion.

It all started a few weeks ago on my facebook family page. I was looking at friends of  friends and WHAM it hit me; flashbacks. I’d see a familiar name and think, Hey, we were friends once, I wonder why she/he hasn’t friend requested me? Then I remembered, maybe we weren’t really friends we were acquaintances. Maybe I’ll friend request them, then I said to myself, no, they seriously didn’t like me – then all of the bad memories flowed.

No matter how much I’ve grown and changed in life my past is always there to remind of the evil little witch that I once was and I realize pretty vividly why no one likes me or would like to catch up with me and see how I’m doing now. You know what they say, ‘Once a witch, always a witch’ so they steer clear of me.

I have struggled all my life to put the past behind me, forgive the evil-doers, move on in a walk with Christ but like a worm, the past just slowly inches its way into my present when I least expect it and slaps me upside the head. Sure I shrug it off and look at the writing friends I have now and how they help me to see the change in me but my past is a part of who I am today.

“We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it.”

~ Rick Warren

Sure I hear the whole spiel that people feed me. Look to the Lord -- Walk with God -- Read your Bible and quite honestly I’d like to slap THEM upside the head for not understanding one thing I’m going through.

Are they trying to tell me that if I walk with Christ, the past won’t resurface? Are they trying to tell me that if I focus on God, the past will disappear? Are they offering to me a safe haven in reading my bible and that the past will no longer be present in my mind? HOGWASH!

I have for many a year (not just a spur of the moment of caring about Christ) looked to Christ for my healing and yes, I have come a long way, some might even say I am a new person. Well I AM!!! BUT, and here’s the clincher, THAT does not change my past or make it miraculously disappear and make people from my past want to know me again.

I imagine that when people see on the sideboard of their facebook that little picture asking, “do you know Joni?” They look at it and shiver and tremble and say, “Yeah and I don’t want to know her again!” And don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to know them either only because of the ugly past that I need to leave behind to burn, but it doesn’t hurt any less realizing I’m not that likable because of who I was back then.

Then my traumatized childhood rears its ugly head and I remember the not so nice life I had growing up in a neglectful household. I didn’t have parents who cared dearly for their children, I had parents who dragged their young child into bars while the older kids stayed home or ran the streets getting into their own sort of trouble. I have to hear now that I’m grown, from my mother, “Why don’t my kids love me?” And I cannot and will not give her the God’s honest truth, “Maybe because you didn’t love THEM enough.”

I love my mother and father dearly and have dealt with the neglect and the non-neglect of me; after all my brothers and sister see it as me being the baby getting EVERYthing while I see it as me getting the traumatic events that they didn’t receive.

As I continue my journey and heal I AM walking with Christ because I know that it is only through Him I can truly heal. Make the past disappear? Probably not because by looking back into my past I can see how far I have come and also see it as a blessing that I am still alive today.

While I lock the hard-to-deal-with-flashbacks in a secure trunk, I will send it up a river never to be seen from again. I WILL heal and continue to create positive memories that I’ll enjoy looking back on.

“It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one.”

~ George Harrison

~ Nebraska ~

Using the Flashback

Flashback Friday...

Flash back to a point in time. Last night? No, thanks anyway. The day is done we go on and we flashback to a place in time where we’re going to add to the story, enhance what you’ve written and give the reader more insight into your character.

We use flashbacks to reveal something in our characters, the antagonist or protagonist, that the reader doesn’t know about. I remember reading The Haunting of Hill House and being led down multiple parts of Eleanor’s personality through her flashbacks and insight to what she was experiencing in the here and now. (That’s an excellent book by the way.)

Some writer’s use the flashback tool without the reader even aware that they are using it. The flow is effortless, the flashback keeps the pace with the rest of the story, and it is never over-used to where you’re reading nothing but flashbacks.

Have you noticed in movies, the way flashbacks are used? They can be a tool for screenwriters too. How about in the movie The Sixth Sense, we get a glimpse of the character and through the use of Flashback we get a darned good ending to the whole story.

I understand that the flashback is sometimes necessary to the movement of the story, but over-done and you lose the reader. You need the FB like you need your morning coffee, and it will taste just as fresh and creative to the reader.

Writer’s Digest has an excellent article on the Flashback and how to use verb tenses, to shift the scene. Be careful though because you have to know the POV (Point of View) that you are in as a writer and which tense you began the book with.

I remember a time in my childhood when things were simpler, I never worried about bills, actually I never worried about life, it flowed for me without me even being aware. Then the time came I ventured out on my own (at 17) because I was a big girl and then all hell broke loose. Life happened, spun out of control and segued into my future. Nuff said.

So what are you, writer, going to write about? Are you going to tell a story without a flashback? Making everything clear from word one? Or are you going to tease the reader a bit with a dangling piece of chocolate and carry him down memory lane so he/she can see where the character has come from, where they’ve been and where they’re going.

It’s all up to you. You are in the creative driver’s seat and you need to head down the highway of bringing a story alive! I only hope that I’ve helped in some way of getting the points across for you to begin!

Write on writers!

Flashback Friday

Psalm 79:13 So we thy people and sheep of thy pasture will give thee thanks for ever: we will shew forth thy praise to all generations.
***

Flashback to a day in your past of peace and harmony. What? You can’t remember any? Well let me tell you... I can’t think of any either. ha ha

A flashback in the story is the one place where you will connect with your reader. Either they will relate to an incident or be blown away by the illusion. But we need the flashback so the reader will become one with the character. We can’t overload our work with flashbacks or we’ll lose the reader. They’ll get bored stiff if your character lives too much in the past.

We need to move on and by showing flashbacks and the here and now we can show how the character has moved forward in life. Fiction is a lot like real life and this is where you will drink your knowledge from the pool of reality. Sure we’ll embellish our fictional tale but if we’ve had no experience in such an event then we need to dig into the pond of research.

I like the non-fiction tales also. This is where we drink from our fountain of the past. Your past may be haunting, it may be a testament or it may just be like the guy next doors. Whatever the case there is a story there somewhere.

I myself have a strong testimony to my faith, but I think I might bore you stiff with it, so I won’t go there. The road of drugs and alcohol, the drowning in the abyss, the saving hand reaching down for me to pull me from the depths of hell, the death, the dying, the defeat all wrapped up in one life. Maybe Friday's will be my stories in flashback form? *wink*

When I read or hear others stories, I think mine was way off the boards of the norm and it comes across as fiction. But the flashbacks continue, the memories soar, the past haunts and the future awaits. The one thing I have is my Father in heaven’s arms wrapped around me, consoling me all the way, comforting me and carrying me.

I like for people to feel Him themselves because my words are just that, words. I won’t preach, I will only be a presence...hence the terminology Angel...always...godspeed.

Flashback...there was a time I floated in the midst of all encompassing love, soaring to heights forever unseen. In a display of arcs and wondrous colors, there I was immersed in the rippling waves of the universe only to find in an instant I could breathe air. My birth, oh what a glorious day.

Remember the flashback in a story. It will take the reader places, trust me.