Quotes for the First Saturday of 2019

2 Cor. 1:21 "Now he which stablisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, is God;"

Quotes for a New Year Saturday

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.” 
~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, 
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” 
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” 
~ Douglas Adams

“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire 
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For, 
May your arms Never Tire.” 
~ D. Simone

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” 
~ Albert Einstein

“When one's life has been shattered into a million pieces, most set out to pick up the pieces & rebuild. Others look at those broken pieces & decide this is their opportunity to start anew, the bigger picture comes into view. They see more, & want better so they leave those pieces scattered as a memorial to who they used to be!” 
~ Sanjo Jendayi

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
~ Marianne Williamson

God has blessed me!

It doesn’t mean He hasn’t blessed you, it means we all see blessings differently. Just like life, some take it for granted while others cherish every thread that leads to life. I am not blind to the darkness of this world, I just choose not to dwell there in the playground and then come home to dance in the Light. I AM TRULY BLESSED! I walk in the Light so others can see me and hopefully a little spark of mine touches them and they begin to see the Light also! 

Happy New Year, my Spiritual Family, for without you, my light might have been dimmed. God bless you all! 

January Second Blank

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January Second

Today, my insomniac husband slept while my insomniac son wanted to come to the house and do his laundry. I prepared to get ready for my day of Physical Therapy. Now my sessions are getting more interesting with learning new things that I can do. I walked up a step last week and tested the use of a cane, instead of the walker or wheelchair. I passed with flying colors if I do say so myself.

Today I showed my son my ability to walk from one end of the room and back using just my cane! I used to think the cane made people look at me and judge me but now since my vanity has been shelved, I walk with my head held high using my cane. Not walking for three months makes you appreciate every step you’re allowed!

I love hearing the excitement in my son's voice when he says, ‘Wow mom, that’s awesome!’ Or ‘This is great, look how far you’ve come!’ I never realized how much I loved the praise but it does motivate me to keep going on and do one more thing different each day! Thank you, son! Now I somewhat understand why God loves us to praise Him, it motivates Him to do one more thing different for us each and every day.! 

Today, I made two laps around the PT gym. It’s not a big place but the laps were enough to cause me to break a sweat because I had done other exercises also, like the step up, step down exercise. I don’t think you realize how for granted you take a simple step! Whether it is a step to walking, a step leading into or out of the house, or a lazy walk to the kitchen! Appreciate every step because one day when it is abruptly taken away from you, you’re not always given a chance to regain what was lost. 

An open path leads to steps you’d might otherwise miss. Keep your eyes open for God’s mysterious ways. He has a tendency to use the weak and broken, not the pomp and arrogant. Be humble, friends.

May God bless the journey He has planned for me this year. May I be motivated to keep my chin up when it gets trying, and I remember to love when I see so much hate. 

The path I'll soon walk again!

Too Much to Handle?

Pss.118: 17 “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”

Too much to handle?

What God has done for me…

I’ve never really been a fan of the fictional Super Heroes of the comic world or of the TV/movie world; it’s just not my thing. I’ve always admired the real heroes of the world that took great steps in saving/rescuing/training or changing the people of the world that walks around with blinders on bumping into wall after wall.

The real heroes are the ones with an uncanny strength that endures the prickliest of situations. They walk amid the cactus without getting pricked, they see the rose not the thorn, they hear the Word, not the world; those are the real heroes.

I never saw myself as one of those heroes, that is until…this Lenten season lent me clarity of something and now I see differently. I look around at people who say they are going to diet or give something up and fail in epic proportions after just a month of forgoing the very reason they started the diet in the first place. Their strength is weakened by temptation.

I watch as addictions pull tighter and tighter on the purse strings. I had to watch first hand as my husband wrestled with giving up sugar, Pepsi, and other addictions only to be pulled right back in within two months. I’m not the type of woman who lays demands at my husband’s feet and says change this or else, I don’t judge others for trying something and failing, all I can do is give them a sight of what successfully overcoming the temptations looks like, and sit and watch them walk or fall. 

I realized something this month, I have the strength of a T-Rex and the weakness of the T-Rex with its small little arms unable to reach the very ground he walks. I have the gentleness of a Brontosaurus that sees herbs, leaves, and plants as the nutrition of choice. I also feel that the likes of me are extinct in nature and I forage looking for someone, something, anything that shares my determination to live. People are remiss in understanding the strength needed to survive in this world today. They give up all too easily or turn a blind eye, puffing themselves up literally and metaphorically.

You might say that I’ve not always been this strong and you’d be wrong. I didn’t realize it when I was young of course because I was too busy surviving. I didn’t just one day ‘decide’ to be strong, give something up, take the road less traveled, this was my nature from my very beginning. I think I only just realized my strength, in seeing others falter over and over and unable to show very little semblance of strength. 

Okay, where did my strength come from? I can only attribute the unending strength of God Himself. I hear over and over that ‘God never gives you more than you can handle.’ That little piece of solace is based on:

KJV: 1 Corinthians 10:13 “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 

ESV: “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”

AMP version simplified for you: “No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].

I believe that God does give you MORE than you can handle and this is where your strength is built up and sustained but notice also … “but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”

I look back at my life; psoriasis arrived on the scene at around fourteen about the same time I converted from Catholicism to Christianity. Tempted by the wiles of men and alcohol, one man in particular whom I ended up marrying and staying married to for twenty years. At twenty-one, the legal age to drink, I gave up alcohol and further pursued the God who ‘provided a way out’ so I was ‘able to endure’ the path or what I like to deem ‘the road less traveled’! 

At thirty-seven, God was pulling me in a different direction. He had seen that not only had I endured but all the trying to save those around me I had done failed. He then called me to a completely different set of surroundings but I’d have to give up ALL of my possessions, save for my child, clothes and a few writings and odds and ends, that was it. I followed. The length of His arm was all that I had to strengthen me and it was enough to carry me over one thousand miles away.

Six years of reflection, healing, and growth were my years in the Texas sun. Then we were called to the center of the United States in the form of the heartland in the Midwest called Nebraska. It was here that my husband went blind, and had his sight restored two-and-a-half years later. It is here where I grew in strength for my Lord and Savior, feeding off the purity of souls that He surrounded me with physically and virtually. It is here where arthritis appeared and my body weakened but my strength kept growing and growing.

I thought I had had ‘more than I could handle’ but God poured out a little more in way of the life-changing diagnosis of Cancer. Yup, the Big C is what I was now dished out to overcome and strengthen myself with. I thought for sure I had met my end but God assured me that it was only the beginning of His plan! What was even bigger was that He asked me to trust in Him and not man to be the Almighty Healer that He is! This is where many people say, ‘C’mon now, that is just too far! God would never do that!’ Well, guess what people, He did, to ME! He gave me MORE than I could handle!

Now the task in front of me was to trust in Him [not man], lean not on my own understanding [ego], and use the very talents I was given [writing and research] as a tool in building an even stronger me. Onward I go, fast after fast, feast after feast, sight after site, [yes you read that right], and person after person I will change as I grow and hopefully teach them a lesson they can carry with them as they too are given ‘more than they can handle’. I am now a hundred pound weakling overcoming the impossible with the strength of David fighting the massive Goliath.

As I watch the weakened fall, I hand you strength to carry on in Him who is the Almighty Healer with an arm and hand stretched out to you and all you have to do is surrender your ALL [not just small portions ie: I’ll give up this but not that]. I believe it is at that time where you’re given too much to handle that you will find YOUR strength in enduring what God can do for you. 

1 Chron. 16:34 “O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good; for his mercy endureth for ever.”

Holy Week - Strength in Scripture

Holy Week – Strength in Scripture 

Sorrow

With my illness I often find myself wallowing in sorrow. Sorrow for the lost, sorrow for what was and what is to come, physically and spiritually, literally and metaphorically.

Deut. 28:65 “And among these nations shalt thou find no ease, neither shall the sole of thy foot have rest: but the LORD shall give thee there a trembling heart, and failing of eyes, and sorrow of mind:”

Esther 9:22 “As the days wherein the Jews rested from their enemies, and the month which was turned unto them from sorrow to joy, and from mourning into a good day: that they should make them days of feasting and joy, and of sending portions one to another, and gifts to the poor.”

Job 6:10 “Then should I yet have comfort; yea, I would harden myself in sorrow: let him not spare; for I have not concealed the words of the Holy One.”

The Holy Spirit is my comforter during these trying days. As people hurry around buying their Easter Sunday dresses, scramble to have a feast for their family, sorrow fills my heart for those who struggle to have bread, for those who seek but do not listen. It is with sorrow my heart is heavy.

Job 17:7 “Mine eye also is dim by reason of sorrow, and all my members are as a shadow.”

Pss. 13:2 “How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily? how long shall mine enemy be exalted over me?”

Pss. 18:4 “The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid.”

Pss 39:2 “I was dumb with silence, I held my peace, even from good; and my sorrow was stirred.”

Pss. 69:29 “But I am poor and sorrowful: let thy salvation, O God, set me up on high.”

Pss 127:2 “It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.”

I pray for my family to know the love in my heart for my heavenly Father and not to remember me for the sorrows that haunted me. I sleep eight hours a night of peaceful rest. May they know when eternal rest comes I’m not bearing sorrow but eternal peace will fill my being of light.

Prov.10:22 “The blessing of the LORD, it maketh rich, and he addeth no sorrow with it.”

Prov. 14:13 “Even in laughter the heart is sorrowful; and the end of that mirth is heaviness.”

Prov. 15:13 “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.”

This verified illness is upon me as so many hidden illnesses encapsulate me. I cannot tackle one without the other and the sorrow from the heaviness overwhelms me at times with loneliness.

Ecc. 5:17 “All his days also he eateth in darkness, and he hath much sorrow and wrath with his sickness.”

Ecc.7:3 “Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better.”

Isa. 14:3 “And it shall come to pass in the day that the LORD shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve,”

Isa. 35:10 “And the ransomed of the LORD shall return, and come to Zion with songs and everlasting joy upon their heads: they shall obtain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away.”

Dan. 10:16 “And, behold, one like the similitude of the sons of men touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spake, and said unto him that stood before me, O my lord, by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no strength.”
I longingly give you the fruit of the Spirit as I’m guided. My Holy Week will conclude and my New Year will begin. Even if it is only I who acknowledges the New Year it is mine to begin anew. A new breath, a new day, a new flame to my fire!

Jer. 31:25 “For I have satiated the weary soul, and I have replenished every sorrowful soul.”

Hos. 8:10 “Yea, though they have hired among the nations, now will I gather them, and they shall sorrow a little for the burden of the king of princes.”

Matt. 24:8 “All these are the beginning of sorrows.”

I gave all I could give and have nothing more to present. His Word has wrapped around you and shown you the sorrows but the blind cannot see. I will not walk in the shadow of death, I will rise to see a New Year; a new day dawning. Man will taste sorrow.

Mark 13:8 “For nation shall rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom: and there shall be earthquakes in divers places, and there shall be famines and troubles: these are the beginnings of sorrows.”

John 16:22 “And ye now therefore have sorrow: but I will see you again, and your heart shall rejoice, and your joy no man taketh from you.”

2 Cor. 2:3 “And I wrote this same unto you, lest, when I came, I should have sorrow from them of whom I ought to rejoice; having confidence in you all, that my joy is the joy of you all.”

Rev. 21:4 “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”

May the Grace and Glory of God

be with you all

Light In The Darkness

John 9:5 “As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

Light in the Darkness

One spark, that’s all it takes to get the fire under you to burn brightly, to spread so others can see the light. We become conditioned to spreading hate, bad news, or controversial topics. Our hearts are set on seeing a reaction of disgruntled people joining together to fan the flames to form a riotous response.

Can you even imagine the inferno of passion you could ignite for God? Imagine the HOPE you could instill if you put aside the dark negative mechanisms that drive your day. I believe my mission in life is to bring hope to the lost, light to the dark and love to a world consumed in hate. I might be that one spark that’s needed to fan the flames.

When I was diagnosed with this disease, I felt fear and sadness flood through my screen. It was as if I told my friends, ‘hey, I’m going to die’ and their reaction was felt, even for a moment. That was a fleeting moment because my next step was to go to God; I asked Him, what could I do for You? I have this disease that everyone fears, how I can I show them there is nothing to fear and that with God all things are possible? Thus my journey began, journaling, documenting and researching and relaying a positive spin on my disease.

Job 23:10-11 “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined.”

I remember my mother-in-law and her reaction to the ‘devastating illness’, was to come out to my house and see me. An ironic response to me but I had to understand, even she, a good Christian woman, believes this disease to be about fear and death. I had to set her straight as well as my friends. No one understood where I was coming from. I stood in the doorway holding a candle of hope and yet they stood, looking on with fear in their eyes trying to penetrate the light I held.

I was being luminous where they once saw darkness. I was hope and life where they once cradled death. I was the candle being set down in a forest of negative vibrations trying to bring a light to the woods that surround the world.

Fear is a prevalent reaction in this world. Satan has a way of slithering in and using fear to his advantage and people are like flies to bug zappers. The first response is not to see God in any given situation, people turn to what they are accustomed to and that is fear. Even with the best of intentions, even when they know the power of God humans have an innate ability to trust the dark before the light.

When I asked God at the beginning of this Lenten season what I could do for Him, since I had given up so much over the year, and His response was ‘think’. I’m telling you now that has been harder than giving up all the toxic elements in my diet! I have to think before speaking, think before just blurting something out, think before writing that grumbling response. I also have to think and meditate on what will be written on any given day. A challenge for sure but a task I believe I can handle. 

Mark 7: 20-23  “And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

God asks us all to think. Before we react to people with a defensive spewing of hate, think, and not for yourself, but what He would expect to hear coming out of our mouths. When we say we are Christian do we act like it or do we give people a reason to not want to be ‘Christlike’? Do we show the world that we’re full of anxiety and hate and that our first response is to fear?  I would hope that we all know where a fear response comes from.

It’s hard I know. Change is hard. Being strong is hard. Being a light in the enveloping world of darkness is strenuously hard. I never gave off the impression that choosing the right from wrong or the light from dark was an easy journey. If you don’t understand the struggles whether from the Bible, or a sci-fi novel, or a fictional tale of how the west was won, you should KNOW every aspect of life is hard. The choice in choosing the EASY road or the hard road is quite simple, pick what comes easy, all *cowards do and that is why so many want to choose that route. (*more on that in another post)

Think. Did I just call everyone a coward who chooses the easy road? I believe I did. I may be wrong or right but whatever I blurted out was from a stance of understanding the rewards of choosing the hard route. Examples? Let’s say someone commits suicide. To me, they took the easy way out of a difficult life. Look what they missed; a chance to try and HEAL from the warped darkness that shrouded them because the road seemed too hard. They didn’t give a spark a chance to light the fire of hope.

To me, and this is only one woman’s opinion, the easy route is filled with more darkness. An example is people think wealth will make them happy. Look at Robin Williams, he had enough money to live happily ever after but money was the deception that satan used, and in the end, the easy route got him nowhere, literally a dead end.

I think of my fellow man who consumes enough junk food in a lifetime as an easy route to feeling good and filled with life, but in the end, does everyone feel good? No, they feel bloated in a society that labels them in a negative light. To change their diet is hard stuff, again, the easy route is accepting death over life.

I choose life over death. When someone says, you’re going to die, I look at them and without thinking I spit out, AREN’T WE ALL? Then God taps me on the shoulder, a Light in the darkness has lit the world on fire, He whispers, “I AM THE HARD ROAD, WALK WITH ME.”

There IS hope, you just have to be willing to see the Light in dark places; a spark about to ignite into a flaming bush, a match to candle, the candle to dry wood, a breath of hope enflaming a sea of negativity, a Sonrise to the plethora of stars in the night sky.  

John 8:12 “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”

The Month I LOVE

Col 2:16-17 "Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of an holyday, or of the new moon, or of the sabbath days:Which are a shadow of things to come; but the body is of Christ."

The Month I LOVE

The beginning of Lent starts, ironically on February 14th, the day of LOVE! You might ask why I care if I’m not Catholic, well I blogged about this over the years, Lent is a Christian holy season, not just a Catholic season. Ash Wednesday begins the Catholic celebration of Lent on the same day. 

Matt. 4: 1-4 "Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.   And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry.  And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.”  But he answered, “It is written,

“‘Man shall not live by bread alone,

    but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

For the past ten years or so I’ve fasted for Lent, not always giving up food, usually giving up meat, but this year I can’t do that because I’ve basically given up meat completely because of this disease.As in years past, I prayerfully ask for what I’m to give up this year, this is MY honor and respect to Him. This is MY ritual that you can laugh and tease me about. Every one of us praise, honor and worship differently, and this is one thing I somewhat have control over. Either I fast or I don't. It is totally my choice.

I feel I’ve been given my answer. With Google strong-arming the web searches I used for researching alternative treatments, and with their compadres Facebook being the schoolmarm, waving their ruler around correcting me with their sidekick Snopes (phony) fact checker, I feel more bullied than ever.

I think I’m being led by the Spirit into the wilderness, unknown terrain. It’s not unknown that I have a disease of a lifetime. I have my Spiritual family with their supporting arms all around me so the bullying tactic of the elitist might raise my blood pressure a bit, but it will not break me! I am not swayed by money, I cannot be broken by power, but my words are being noticed by someone to go as far as to flag an informative post, while other 'for the government' post get by with no problem. What a joke facebook has become. No longer a place for family and friends to get together.  

For Lent, if I give up posting my blog or sharing my journey on Facebook that will give the higher-ups the appearance that they’ve won. I don’t think Goliath knows me but they will. I may be small but my God is mightier than any earthly power, (and unearthly power for that matter.)

After February 14th I will retreat, an unnamed sabbatical will begin. I just need my friends to understand and respect this journey of mine. As they have always done in the past, they have given me nothing but the utmost respect, and support that’s why I keep them close. They make me laugh, smile and feel comfortable about this craggy journey. They let me know I’m not alone and never will be. 

While Lent will be signified by the day of love, Easter Sunday will be signified by the day of fools. How ironic is that? Lent begins February 14th, Valentine’s Day, Easter is on April 1st, April Fool’s Day! Now the jesters and jokesters of the world can have a field day mocking Christ, yet again.

Me, the little one, will be celebrating my New Year on April first. It is my marked significance of new life, a new beginning. I will rise from my dormancy healthier, wealthier and wiser. All praise and Glory to God, my God, whom hopefully I share with you.

I will not run, I will not stray, I most definitely will not fear!I am so done trying to mold my protocol to the likes of the naysayers who don't believe in anything but false idols. I may be quiet for a bit, a much needed time of reflection, a time to put in perspective the long journey I’ve left behind me and the new unchartered journey I walk forward into. My body has been put through the wringer. It doesn’t show to those who only read my words, it doesn't show in the smiles I give to people, but it shows when I look in the mirror or when I lay my head down for a long deserved nights rest. I feel it crawling slowly through my pained tendons and I’m left exhausted at the end of the day. When negativity seeps in, my tumor literally throbs! This is why I need negativity, and all of the harsh disagreeing with me as far away from me as possible.

Each morning I wake, refreshed ready to make the most of every breath in the day, and tackle whatever is thrown at me, with the slingshot in hand. This week it was mud where I never expected it to come from, Google, Facebook, and Snopes. I have to ignore the bullies, for now, I have too much work to do to be bothered by the negativity of the Giants of the world. 

I will move forward never looking back at what I leave behind in my dust. I’m on the right path and my Father has assured me, daily, that He is with me all the way…as well as my Spiritual Family cheering me on from a distance but always close in heart!

2 Tim. 1:3 “I thank God, whom I serve from my forefathers with pure conscience, that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day;”

Light Through the Dark

Colossians 3:16 “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.”

Godliness with contentment is great gain

When people are hit with adversity, how they react defines who they are. When you whine and cry and want a shower of pity to fall around you, you are not shining a light on the power of Christ you’re shining a light upon yourself.

Many Christians define themselves by what they are going through, how bad their life is or isn’t, and all the pain they’ve suffered over the years, this is what defines who they are today and where they will go tomorrow.

When I was given the diagnosis of a lifetime, in that very moment of being swept away for tests upon tests, that I didn’t ask for, by the way, I shut down. For those hours in the day of being wheeled from CT scan, mammogram, biopsy etc, I was not myself, I allowed darkness to swallow me. I allowed myself briefly to be swept away in my own pity. I cried and cried, hours on end until it felt as if my eyes were bleeding.

I perceived the experience as if my very body walked through the pits of hell and it was not a place I was all too familiar with. Since becoming a Christian I had been through many fiery trials but this one was different, this one wasn’t one where everyone else who went through the pit came out alive. I needed to tighten my faith.

When I got home after leaving the pits of fire, I had time to pray, to contemplate what happened and ask, “God, what will you have me do, for YOU?” I did not ask the 'why me' scenario. I didn’t cry out that I’m not strong enough for this path set before me. My first thought was how can I shine the Light of God through this diagnosis. Sure enough, He showed me the way and that is the path you see me on today.

I’ve seen so many people face this illness over and over again. And as unique as this condition is, so is how each individual handles their treatment and all that we’re faced with.

I know of many people who will stay in the pits with fears, pain, loss, drugs, and medications, along with self-pity only because they won’t ask God, what would He have them do. When in the flames of the moment, it is just too hot and the focus is on the self and the urgency of take me out of here now, when all along we needed praise God for the chance to shine the Light on Him, not us. 

Yes, being in the pits are hell, yes it feels as if the fire will consume us, yes it feels like the pain will drown us in quicksand but rest assured if you take a chance and jump with faith, He will catch you. Another problem with people and their faith these days is it just doesn't happen quick enough, there is no patience in pain. I’m sure you look at me and say under your breath that I don’t know hell until I’ve been through what YOU’VE been through. I don’t say that lightly. What I’m saying is that your hard life is no worse than anyone else’s hard life. We could sit around for weeks and months comparing notes on who’s had it worse but is that getting anyone closer to God? Of course not because that is not where God resides in the midst of pity parties. That is not the path God chose for us as Christians.

The celebration God resides in is the one where He showers you in confetti when you’re praising and singing His name in the throes of the pits of hell. Are you afraid of dying? If you’re a Christian, do you understand there is no death, you are promised eternal life so why live your life in a pit of despair if you are carrying the promise of God? Walk boldly carrying your cross!

I think of the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and King Nebuchadnezzar asking them to worship his god. Did they throw themselves a pity party before going into the fire? NO! They didn’t fear, you know why, because their God promised them eternal life, they had nothing to lose and everything to gain by shining the Light on God and not themselves.

We’re all wandering around in a world of ‘you don’t know what I’ve been through’. Let me tell you, I can guarantee Jesus went through ten times worse. I never once heard/read that Jesus preached a woe, woe is me story. No, every step of his pain He cried out to God and glorified HIS name, not his own. While hanging on the cross he cried out, “Why has though forsaken me?” The rest is history because God did not forsake him, He gave him new life, eternal life! Breathe that in for a moment.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying the path you chose is not the right one for you, we each have a different path that is going to hopefully get us to the same destination. I have every bit of faith in where I’m headed and it surely isn’t in the pits of hell. I will walk on singing the praises and glory to God in the midst of this illness. My focus is on Him, not the bible, not the verses, not touting He said this and He said that, no, my focus is on HIM every step of the way and my sharing this with you is my way of leaving behind the path that *I* choose to walk, I choose to see the Light through the dark. 

Alleluia Amen!

1 Kgs. 20:22 “And the prophet came to the king of Israel, and said unto him, Go, strengthen thy self, and mark, and see what thou doest: for at the return of the year the king of Syria will come up against thee.”

“There are times when solitude is better than society, and silence is wiser than speech. We should be better Christians if we were more alone, waiting upon God, and gathering through meditation on His Word spiritual strength for labour in his service. We ought to muse upon the things of God because we thus get the real nutriment out of them. . . . Why is it that some Christians, although they hear many sermons, make but slow advances in the divine life? Because they neglect their closets and do not thoughtfully meditate on God's Word. They love the wheat, but they do not grind it; they would have the corn, but they will not go forth into the fields to gather it; the fruit hangs upon the tree, but they will not pluck it; the water flows at their feet, but they will not stoop to drink it. From such folly deliver us, O Lord.” 

― Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Walk In Faith

Matt. 6:30 “Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?”

Sometimes in this rushed and hurried world walking in faith is sometimes a struggle. This week alone I needed the armor of a tank to get through. I pulled a muscle in my neck or I have a pinched nerve. I don’t know which exactly it is but the pain left me almost immobile for four days straight. I looked out the window saw the sun shining but couldn’t move to go out and enjoy the seventy-degree days. That meant no walk, no bike, just rest. Sometimes we need to hold onto faith tightly and just trust the Lord in all He is doing.

It’s been one of those weeks where everything goes wrong in the beginning but by the end of the week it turns out to be pretty awesome. I learned a few things this week. I learned it is okay to ask someone for help to do something for you even if it feels like a bother, just ASK! 

I’ve had a pretty stiff neck for the past couple of weeks because of the way I sleep but nothing too painful. But Sunday when I decided to take the trash out and feed the birds, apparently the trash was too heavy as was the bird feed container I carry to fill the birdfeeder. I was too stubborn to ask my son or husband to do the chores for me and the experience taught me a lesson. Let the food in the trash stink up the place, whatever you do, don’t carry the hundred pound potato sacks! That’s how heavy the items felt but the weight was too much on my neck and it rendered me almost 99% immobile by Sunday evening. I could have saved myself a lot of pain had I just asked someone to do the chore for me.

Monday morning found me with my cane and heating pad (blessings) as I sat in my jammies the entire day slowly feeling better but continued resting. The more rest the better is the way I saw the situation. No clothes were washed, no cleaning got done; the men had to fend for themselves, and by the way, made sure MY needs were met. Yeah, they came through for me.

By Tuesday I woke to feel somewhat better but not well enough to clean, do chores and stuff but I was able, albeit a struggle, to take a nice hot shower. I had a writing assignment due and was at a loss on posting the thing, as I could not spend much time on the computer due to the literal pain in my neck! The slightest lowering of my neck or turning it to the left or right was a labor of pain; more rest was necessary. I would give my hubby a percentage of my progress, Tuesday I was at 50% percent feeling better than Sunday. I had washed a load of laundry but was at a standstill when it came time to retrieve the clothes from my very deep washer. I asked for help. I rested more than I worked. I knew my limits and adhered to them strictly.

By Wednesday I was at 80% better! Walking was not hurting, lifting was still an effort but bending my knees when lifting helped immeasurably. I had learned a lot of techniques many years ago when my grandmother had a stroke and needed physical therapy. I was the one who’d be with her daily so I needed to learn techniques in getting her to stand, to lift, to put shoes on etcetera. I didn’t know that I would need the knowledge for myself but it is quite amazing how the techniques all came back to me in an instant.

Wednesday found me asking my son to check the mail. I took over the chore when he got a full-time job working forty to forty-eight hours a week. You might find it funny that retrieving the mail is a chore but just to let you know, my mailbox sits I’d say a half a football field length away from the house if not more. I live in the middle of nowhere remember? The soil is soft, spongy and uncertain terrain in many areas that can jerk the neck into pain all over again so I steered clear of walking, biking and going outside on the beautiful spring-like days.

My mailbox had been overflowing with, you guessed it, the hounding oncology and radiology bills (still) and junk mail but also a card from the angel who has taken a mission upon himself to tuck me under his wing to aid me monetarily so I can continue buying the vitamins, nutrients and even the necessary food. This month’s donation may be used for a knee brace and a foot massager, as both of those will aid me in strengthening my bones and the ability to move in the upcoming cold months.

Since my YouCaring funds have been depleted, I’m on my own now. I should have enough vitamin supplements to get me to January, only because I spent the money wisely on the vitamins most vital to my healing. My physical address can be received by a simple email to jonismuse @ yahoo. com! Or you can ask one of my dear friends for my address as I allow a select few to know my actual whereabouts. Just ask. I would love hearing from the outside world during the holidays as this is going to be a very trying, different Christmas this year as I fight the battle of a lifetime. Unconditional love and support work wonders.

The Survivor

This little fella greeted me on my walk the other day, he survived the recent freeze! 

By Wednesday, late in the day, I felt 90% better so I ventured out and took a small fifteen-minute walk. I could have gone longer but I’m no fool, I will be taking it quite easy for a while before I get back into my crazy insane routines. 

“If diet is wrong, medicine is of no use when diet is correct, medicine is of no need.” ~ Ayurveda teaching

I am still on an extremely low sugar/low carb diet, among other things. The only sugars I get are from NATURAL sources like fruit! I know anything I tell you all about the harm you’re doing your bodies is basically a moot point because, like me, you’ll wait for a death sentence before ever changing your diet. I know we all basically live to die, but yesterday I think I made it quite clear what I’m doing, I’m living to live! Eternal life is my destination and as anything else in and out of this world, the endeavor is no easy task. I walk on faith and that has been one of my strongest assets throughout my life, this time is no different.

God bless each and every one of you for caring for me. That alone has healing powers! 

Deut. 32:20 “And he said, I will hide my face from them, I will see what their end shall be: for they are a very froward generation, children in whom is no faith.”

Poetry Sunday ~ The Soul's Ascent

Pss. 11: 1 "In the LORD put I my trust: How say ye to my soul, Flee as a bird to your mountain?"

The Soul's Ascent

I peered up at the towering mount 

That glistened from the snow

Would I reach that velvet cap 

That no one dared to go 

The very tip seems to drift

In a string of pearly lace 

No end in sight for it was hidden

Upon this rocky face 

Burgeoning trees whispered still 

They called within the deep 

Nature would carry my weary legs 

If for my soul to keep 

Every aching step I took

Impelled in me to climb 

A voice was beckoning in my head 

Transcending the sublime 

I walked on faded fury 

As the summit reared its head 

The stones were trembling underfoot 

My essence being fed 

Every time I stumbled about 

My eyes would rise to see

The brilliance of the lemon rays 

Shining down on me

I gasp for air my final steps 

What seems to last for miles 

My bated breath my moistened brow 

Slowly, sweeps the aisles

I let it out a HOWLING yell 

I gaze at the valley below

My echoes resound in empty space 

My soul begins to glow

I reach the powdered summit 

My mind now crystal clear

It's never the journey taken... 

It's relinquishing all you fear!

The Path To Success

Gen.1:29-31 “Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed which is upon the face of all the earth.…To you it will be for meat." … And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.”

The Path to Success

There is a path that leads to success. Success is defined as the accomplishment of an aim or purpose. With this aim to accomplishment in your hand, you will be led down a path, rocky at times, leading to success. Once you start down the path, don’t look back to see how far you’ve come, keep moving forward to see how far you have to go and even then, keep moving forward to maintain balance to the achieved goal.

The first thing you should do when diagnosed with this disease is to look within yourself and find your healing place. You will see this as a blow, you’ll cry and hurt, scream and yell but whatever you do, don’t blame God. He didn’t do this to you; you did this to you. Your doctor will seize this opportunity to instill fear in you and immediately lead you to oncologists where they will color your world in a darkened veil.

Job 19:8 “He hath fenced up my way that I cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths.”

You have choices! Let me say that again, YOU HAVE CHOICES! The doctors will NOT give you those choices because they have one method of getting you to comply with them and that is fear. Please know, the MAJORITY of patients go the chemo route but for all the wrong reasons, in my eyes. You have time and choices! Remember, this didn't surface overnight, it isn't going to go away overnight. If you choose the chemo route, believe in it and work WITH it to HEAL your immune system. Don’t just accept drugs as the end all to healing, which is an extremely dim path.

If you opt for alternative treatments BELIEVE in the sunlit path to your healing taking place and work from within to heal you in your entirety. When I was first diagnosed, I personally did not accept the diagnosis or the treatment options. How can I be sick when I feel so well? If you’re in a good state or country, you might be able to find a doctor to work with you, but if not, you’re on what seems like a lonely path but you’re not alone! You’re never alone as long as you have God along with good friends and prayer by your side. 

The second thing you need to do is shift your mind from, ‘oh dear, I have the Big C’ (hear the negative overtone?) to, ‘I am healing my body and we are on a path to success.’ Believe those thoughts, inside and out!

No doctor is going to fill you with hope. He/she isn’t going to say you can do this, I see you as a productive member of society after all of this is over. No, he’ll tell you about the vomiting from the drugs, nausea, the hair loss, the weakness you’ll feel. This is all from drugs and chemo, not from the disease itself. They’ll also tell you that you need to be sliced open to remove cancer (which only opens you up to the silent spread) and you’ll need radiation to finish the job. Again, you HAVE CHOICES! There IS healing taking place outside of the oncologist/chemo route! Look for them, dig for them, find them.

Third, see yourself healthy and well! Look to the future. See yourself planting a garden, picking fruits and vegetables, jogging or walking. See yourself as HEALED, not as a person who is struggling and fighting off fear. Believe in yourself and ask your friends to support you. If you have no support the path is going to become a rocky road. You NEED support and positive energy to move you forward. 

Three tips to keep in mind as you HEAL:

(1) Your immune system must remain strong. So if you’re choosing chemo remember to do all you can to repair the damage done. If you choose an alternative method, you must BUILD your immune system up so it can fight for you, not against you. A drastic change in your diet and supplement intake is in order. You also need healthy organs in this fight, so build them up, one brick at a time.

(2) Nutrition is essential! Many people think you can’t eat your way back to health, they are wrong. Taking care of what you put into your body is the only path to healing. Your diet is a major reason you’re in this position in the first place. The people who are facing the disease appearing a second time after remission more than likely did nothing to change their eating habits and just assumed chemotherapy would cure what was burning up inside them. The cells are still there.
To the people using the alternative route, nutrition is the ONLY way to a healing path. It is so important not to feed the disease. Avoid sugars, dairy and meat products as well as processed foods, heavy carbs, oats, wheat, oils, and flours! 
Detoxify your body! Nurture your organs and they’ll heal you. The disease can’t live in a clean body.

(3) The most important thing I can add is no matter what you decide, get behind your decision all the way! Pray and meditate on releasing anything negative that you might be carrying around. Every day wake and find the positive reason why you woke up to face the day and challenges in front of you! Embrace the new you that is walking down this path. Get out and walk in the sun and worship the Son. It is pertinent that you have a Healer as a guide along the path. Keep in mind, a doctor is not a healer, they are a pacifier.

Most importantly of all is to believe in yourself. Trust what your body and instincts are telling you. If something feels wrong, ditch it, if it feels right, keep on going! The answer is inside you and it always has been, and always will be; you just need eyes to see and a soul to feel.

John 11:40 “Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?”

Holy Week ~ Praise The Father, Praise The Son

Pss. 37:30 “The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.”

In the Day ~ Praise the Father, Praise the Son

Praise the Father, Praise the Son,

Praise the great and Holy one.

In the day when no love shines

The haughty man will rise

Holding there within his hand

The truth behind his lies.

In the day when people think

That wisdom comes from shores

It sails along the currents feed

Right into open doors.

In the day when man is fooled

By fancy ways of talking

Finding face with a false god

A feeble form of walking.

In the day when man can serve

Two masters in his pride

Humanity will surely fall

And nowhere can man hide.

In the day when man can love

Relinquish earthly hate

Walk along the path with Christ

And enter Heavens gate.

Praise the Father, Praise the Son,

Praise the Great and Holy One.

Pss. 111:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.”

The Path To Healing

Prov. 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

The Path to Healing

I myself am on the path to healing. My body is reacting to all the good I’m doing for it and yes, I’m sacrificing my (once thought of) sinful pleasures in life, mainly sugar, processed food, high carb intake, toxic GMO meat and dairy intake.

The willpower it takes to go Cold Turkey is basically almost impossible but I’m of the school, ‘With God, NOTHING is impossible’! Forward I go as I tackle full steam ahead the ‘illness of a lifetime’.

So many people are misled, they are all too willing to believe chicken little knew what he was shouting out from the rooftops that the sky was falling. This is how people see the world, they put so much faith and belief in lies that when the truth slaps them in the face, (the sky can NEVER fall), they become defensive in their fight to be right.

I myself am wrong more than I am right, obviously. I am NOT a doctor, nor claim to be one in this box you come to for a daily fix, I am LEARNING as I go along and if it works for me, yay me! If it doesn’t work for you, I’m not responsible, dig deeper to see what DOES work for you. I will not resort to name-calling as that is a juvenile behavior adults carry with them from childhood and never learn to let go and let God. I pray for them. I pray for a nation, a world that always buys what they are sold, and at a bargain price no less, namely putting a price tag on their life.

You might ask if I’ve given up all of the above listed foods, what is left to eat? First and foremost GOD is my guide before anything this here computer can offer me. That’s right, the Bible tells me what to eat, what is good for me and what WILL HEAL ME! Yes, the Bible says to eat meat but it was not talking about twenty-first century GMO laden chemical meat.

Some days it gets so hard for me, I cry, I bawl my eyes out. My face planted in my palms I admit defeat. I admit that it’s hard to go on every single day watching the world go by frivolously and me out here trying to live and people not understanding the lengths one has to go through to rid themselves of toxins in the world. Whether it’s toxic people, (including doctors), toxic food, or a toxic environment, it’s a struggle. Like feet in quicksand and me, trying to run, and there is no way to accomplish the feat. 

Imagine what life in a straightjacket must feel like. Knowing the key to unlocking the system is right there but you fight and struggle to free yourself and people walk by poking you, tormenting you as you wriggle and squirm. This is the suffocating life of a person fighting for their life, every single day!

What do I do? I breathe, slowly and deeply – I eat, I drink the well waters of Christ, I touch – the very thread of His garment, I’m filled. I meditate on Him, His Word. I grasp all that I’m shown. It may not be for you to see, we all have different walks, different paths. I can only share what is working for ME!

Pss. 1:2 “But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.”

What I eat? The greens of the earth from organic broccoli and lettuce, to cabbage, cauliflower and a host of other vegetables found in the produce section of the food store. Fruits, the natural sugars that God placed on this earth to sustain our need, our want for this sInsational taste bud arousal. (Yes grammar Nazi’s, I meant SINsational!) Fruit, so good it should be a sin to send this delectable treat into your body but instead it is nutrition. Nutrition, something you won’t find in the processed food section of the store.

If I can’t afford to buy organic fruits and vegetables, I go to a better grocery store where they actually take the time to bring you the BEST fruits and vegetables possible, remember their name is being held up to scrutiny so they do their very best for you, the consumer! My husband just so happens to work in a high-end grocery story out here. Our basics are bought at the WalMart supercenter but when this illness hit me, it’s his place of work where we found an incredible difference in our fruits and vegetables. The organic section isn’t closet sized like Walmarts, no, there is a HUGE section of organic fruits and veggies at hubby’s place of work, HyVee! More on that at another time. 

After a day of tear shedding for me yesterday, my husband who is trying so hard to be supportive in what has evidently turned our mundane routine lives upside down, picked out a movie to watch. Inside Out was his choice. We’ve seen it numerous times and I knew what message he wanted to get to me. Behind every tear is JOY! Every moment of sadness is followed by a moment of relief when you see the JOY standing there. I need to feel the sadness, experience the loss, of food, toxins, bitter friends and toxic people; I need to grieve if I’m ever to find a complete JOYFUL HEALING! 

The only place I find MY healing, is God and ALL that He has given us and shown us to be the truth! All praise and glory to God!

1 Tim. 4:15 “Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all.”

Power in Prayer Part II

Job 15:4 “Yea, thou castest off fear, and restrainest prayer before God.”

Power of Prayer Part II

Since being diagnosed with this illness, what fell into my lap at the precise timing were online modules, Chris Beat Cancer (CBC) with Chris Wark, and The Truth About Cancer, a docuseries with Ty Bollinger.

The CBC modules told how as a young man Chris was diagnosed with colon cancer. They operated on him and afterward wanted him to do chemotherapy immediately and he refused. At the time, he could afford to say no and went the holistic healing route.

He flew to different states talked with different doctors, found a doctor who would inject him with vitamin C as he searched and searched for healing remedies. Twelve years clean of the ickyC, two children later, and thousands of dollars on vitamins and herbs, he put together a ten-part series on how he won the battle.

A Christian man from the beginning, Chris first went to his church where he was a part of the worship team and informed them of his diagnosis. What did his church family do? They prayed over him to be guided in his healing. They surrounded him with prayer and support as he pursued the holistic way of healing.

He was told at the beginning of his diagnosis of all the ugliness surrounding chemo. How chemo destroyed your immune system, how he’d never be able to have children and how sick he would be on chemo. He right then and there said no way to chemo and went his own way finding a Naturopathic Doctor to assist in his journey. 

From google: How does chemo affect your immune system?
Cancer can weaken the immune system by spreading into the bone marrow. The bone marrow makes blood cells that help to fight infection. The weakening of the immune system happens most often in leukemia or lymphoma. But it can happen with other cancers too.

What chemo does to the body?
Chemotherapy drugs are powerful enough to kill rapidly growing cancer cells, but they also can harm perfectly healthy cells, causing side effects throughout the body. Chemotherapy can interfere with the body's ability to produce healthy blood platelets, red blood cells, and white blood cells.

Can chemo kill you?
If you take chemotherapy and it doesn't kill all the cancer cells, you will find yourself in a very vulnerable position with a decimated immune system. You will have little defenses left to prevent any remaining cancer cells from reproducing. ... Most chemotherapy drugs are carcinogenic, that means they CAN cause cancer.

How effective is chemo?

What does exposure feel like?
Large doses of ionizing radiation in a short time period lead to Acute Radiation Syndrome (ARS), aka radiation poisoning. The severity of ARS symptoms depends on the level of exposure. A radiation dose as low as 0.35 Gy could feel a bit like you have the flu—expect nausea and vomiting, headaches, fatigue, and fever.

What does radiation do to the body?
Ionizing radiation—the kind that minerals, atom bombs and nuclear reactors emit—does one main thing to the human body: it weakens and breaks up DNA, either damaging cells enough to kill them or causing them to mutate in ways that may eventually lead to cancer.

There is so much more on the destruction of your cells from chemo and when I asked my oncologist #2 about it, he said he didn’t know where I heard that info (why, google of course) and that the cells regenerate and I’d be fine. What? He also NEVER informed me of ANY of the statements above from google, just sign here on the dotted line to be fed into the chamber.

The Ty Bollinger series on The Truth About Cancer (TBAC) is about hundreds (possibly thousands) of testimonials of people who just said NO, to chemo! One young man was given four months to live, he had heard about cannabis oil but where he lived in the UK it was illegal. He went through channels to get the oil and four months later he went back to the doctor for a screening and the tumor was shrinking and the C was leaving his body. His doctor told him whatever he was doing, to keep it up.

There is a testimonial where the government FORCED a woman and man to put their child through chemo and threatened to take their other kids away. They secretly were giving their child holistic remedies and their child was responding while the other children in the ward were getting sicker and sicker and many losing the battle.

I could go on and on about the amazing testimonials I watched in the past month on the power of prayer and the healing of our Lord. Yes, what all these people had in common was FAITH in God!

Pss. 4:1 “Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.”

When I was first diagnosed, I told my dear spiritual family I didn’t want to go the chemo route and the majority prayed for me and told me to listen for God’s answer. God spoke to me in the way of those two modules that coincidentally were FREE (now they cost) and fell in my lap when I prayed to God for guidance. (You know me, I DON’T believe in coincidence!)

Some will say, “That’s not God talking, you need chemo, the big C is a killer.” Well people, it isn’t cancer that’s the killer and the sooner you accept that the more enlightened you will become.

God may have told you to go the chemo route, He might have said I’ll hold your hand and be with you every step of the way, but FOR ME, He did not say that. I was told by four doctors already that my cancer is unique to me, UNIQUE because no two cancers are alike. Like a thumbprint we are all genetically made different in every aspect, so is this illness, and so should treatment be treated that way. 

Pss. 55:1 “Give ear to my prayer, O God; and hide not thyself from my supplication.”

Let me ask you this, if my illness is so unique to me, why not treat me in a unique manner? Why offer me the exact same conventional treatment every other patient is offered? Why? Because that’s not how it works in the world of oncology. I do understand the concerns of the doctors. If they lose me, they feel as though they didn’t do their job. It is MY body, not theirs to decide what to do, and even more importantly, I’m LISTENING to God a HEALER, not a doctor, the pacifier.

I think once again I’ll go against the grain, not swim upstream with the fishies and walk on water with the Sweet Lord Jesus! The one thing all of the successful testimonies of holistic healing have in common is The Power of Prayer! Have faith people GOD IS ALIVE!

Pss. 5:3 “My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.”

Poetry Sunday ~ The Path

Pss. 17:5 Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.

***

The Path I Take

***

As curious winds dance about

snow lay at my feet

swirling in my mind is doubt

for all the world to meet.

Take my hand and walk me through

the life that has a muddled hue.

Swift soft whispers of the day

spin my life around

stellar are the stars I see

they lift me off the ground.

Hold me now for I am weak

my Father’s face, do I seek.

Step lightly as you pass.

on wilted willow's bough;

Windows open, breath falls in

I’m here amongst you now.

He breathes new life into me

I share for all the world to see.

Originally posted:11 21 10

The one I wrote for today was

too dark.

Follow Me

Prov. 1:16 “For their feet run to evil, and make haste to shed blood.”

On my blog I have a follow button, over there to your left, you see it? I had 114 followers but google changed some things around and people have to have a google account to follow me, so fourteen of my followers went to the wayside. They were not google followers.

You know, Jesus asked people to follow him and while I don’t concern myself as much focusing on His followers, I’d like to reach out to the non-followers and ask them to join me in a walk. A walk that many followers have tread. Some have fallen; I myself have staggered quite a few times trudging up the mountain but a beautiful Light always pulled me back.

Mark 8:34 “And when he had called the people unto him with his disciples also, he said unto them, Whosoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.”

I know comparing my loss of followers to Jesus’ loss of followers is stretching it but bear with me on this one. I wonder if Jesus concerned Himself with the loss of followers or did he just go on with his ministry turning a blind eye to those sheep that strayed. Did he not concern himself with the straying sheep and was only concerned with his close followers? I myself don’t think so.

Did He want you to worry about YOU or did he want you to care and nurture your straying neighbor? To me that’s kind of like seeing a man beating a woman and saying, hey it’s none of my business, I could get myself killed if I intervene. I know, another stretch of the imagination, but you get me meaning. Do we ignore what is in front of our eyes or just worry about ourselves?

1 Cor. 1:10 “Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.”

Here’s the problem ‘I’ have, too many people saying too much differently. Preachers saying this, followers saying that and sometimes they’re not in agreement and that’s what causes division among men. Sometimes people map out their own words that sure sound good but is it sound doctrine? I DO concern myself with sound doctrine and I DO focus on sound doctrine. 

I personally read the King James Version of the bible and I don’t even know if this is the truest of translations, what with all the talk of the apocryphal books (not divine words from God) being put in, kept out, kept hidden. The truth is this, God hides nothing. 

Doesn’t that separate us? Does it bring us together in the same mind? Not if one person interprets the Word differently. It looks to me to be a major problem, everyone seeing what they want to see and doing what they want where the bible is concerned. Me I’m just trying to interpret what the bible means to ME and if following the lost herd of sheep is a direction, I am not going that way. If my words mean something to you, that is all well and good.

If you’re just discovering God, then you too will be pulled in many directions. I don’t think ministers and pastors mean for it to happen, it just happens but it also leaves you confused with what and who to follow.

Eph. 4:14-15  “That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive; But speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ:”

My focus is on the truth. God is my truth and you, no matter what, need to discern what the truth is to you. As I find healing in my written words because I am being led by the Word of God and all of the fragrances of truth that tickle my nose leave ME feeling complete and whole. You can follow me and my blog, but I’d much rather you seek the truth and follow Him. 

John 14:6 “Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”

CRASH!

Those were the days

circa 2004

Isa. 63:9 “In all their affliction he was afflicted, and the angel of his presence saved them: in his love and in his pity he redeemed them; and he bare them, and carried them all the days of old.”

Living with a disability is like a car crash. At the scene, you’re taken to the hospital and released after being checked over but sometimes you have to live with a new unexpected disability. People today take for granted waking each day and going on with their normal routine. They brew their coffee, take a shower and sit at their desk all without incident.

As I was writing this, this morning before clicking save on my document, it crashed! Microsoft is looking into the issue is what became displayed on my screen instead of the words I had just written. Gone, the document was lost never to be retrieved. That’s what happened to me when I became one of the chronic illness survivors, I lost something never to be returned.

A person with a disability does not have the same advantage as everyone else when they wake in the morning. Most wake with the routine of taking meds; coffee isn’t their first priority upon awakening. Getting out of bed without wincing in pain is a triumphant beginning of any day.

Here’s a loose synopsis of what it’s like having a disability: Imagine waking up and your computer is gone, fried, crashed. The computer was your life, your news, your accustomed way of living and your window to the outside world. You can live without the piece of equipment but now you’ll have to find ways around living without it in your life; you’d make a trip to the library until you realize it’s raining monsoon like rain so you say oh maybe tomorrow. 

Plans being thwarted become your new norm. Sure you can walk in the rain, some like walking in the rain, but the wind cutting raindrops into your skin you did not bargain for. You make plans to get around without your computer but when someone asks for an email address (asks for more info on your disability) and you say, “I don’t have a computer,” they look at you like you’re a Neanderthal.

“Do you have a smart phone?”  THEY have a smartphone. That’s like asking if your disability is the same as theirs?

“Yes, I have a phone.” Yes, I have a disability.

“Well go online from there.” 

“Um, I don’t have THAT kind of phone.” My disability is not the same as yours.

Again, the Neanderthal look that I’m getting used to seeing. I feel like they’re saying (but they’re not) “My disability is worse (better, medicated, easier) than yours.” 

I feel like saying, ‘do you take medication for your pain’ and when they respond with a loud YES, I couldn’t make it through a day without them, then I’d reply, well I don’t take meds, I live with my pain without medication. Then I’d stick out my tongue for good measure. Just kidding, I use humor to squelch most of my pain. 

Go to a doctor, get some medication, get a diagnosis. Really? So in other words, buy a new computer? Sometimes not everyone has the capability of buying a new web source. I know I have no way of buying a new body!

You’ll make plans to go to the library because you know they have a computer you can use but when you arrive the librarian announces, sorry but the internet is down for the day. That’s like affording a doctor visit only to be told the medication is an astronomical monthly, rest of your life, fee!

While the non-computer is a loose analogy and living without the computer would steer you into a new routine, that is what people with sudden chronic illnesses are forced into, a new routine that they had no plans for. Sure we’d all make different plans if we KNEW we were going to be disabled but plans are often made just to be broken. 

Maybe God is tired of the ordinary. Maybe He wants to shake up the world and see how people react, to see what kind of new familiarity we’d fall into, to see what kind of plans we’d make. Something was taken away from me and my fellow disabled friends, a normal take-for-granted-routine. 

I, and I imagine others, are no longer setting a methodical plan. We just wake and are happy to be alive. Meds or no meds, we get by another day trudging through the slime that impedes our pathway. We’re stronger and more resilient with what we generally go through on a daily basis.

So when I wake up with the intention of going outside to mow the lawn, I have to first survive getting out of bed. When I succeed I give the old fist pump and say YES! under my breath. Now, onto making a pot of coffee! Success, YES! Now onto making it into the shower without any incidences. Yes! Now the weather; is it cool enough for my back to be able to withstand an hour of mowing an enormous lawn? Yes! Will I suffer because of the challenge I overcame to get from point A to point B? I most certainly will but then I remember who is going to comfort me when the day is done. 

Pss. 72:3 “The mountains shall bring peace to the people, and the little hills, by righteousness.”

People take for granted the waking, the making of the coffee, the hopping in the shower, simply putting their clothes on one leg or arm at a time, when for people with disabilities, it’s a chore, a long drawn out painful obstacle.

When God places a challenge in front of you ie: heart attack, breast cancer, any illness or disability, the reason I feel it is there is for you to share with others HOW you overcame the unseen hindrance. The illness isn’t for you to hide and be ashamed of, that’s not doing any service for God it’s being selfish and thinking of only you. No, God wants you to rejoice in His saving grace. Each day is a hurdle that you’ve overcome, shout to the world a resounding YES! I made it another day! 

Prov.24:10 “If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.”

Some people are empty of expression and to me, that is sadder than ANYTHING God tosses at me. I can live with pain, I can live with a wobble and a cane or a wheelchair, but I cannot live without my ability to express myself to the world how I’m blessed daily with overcoming my every day challenges. I can even live without a computer, my expression might reach you a little slower but only because I would be forced to take another route in seeing you receive my message. I can't live without my body.

If you’re in a bored ho-hum daily routine, actively seek to make a change, a simple change or a major one; either way if you do nothing, God will see to it you taste, touch, feel, hear, SEE His presence; even if you don’t acknowledge that it was Him. Eventually, you will crash. What will YOU do with a mountain in YOUR way?

Jer. 16:21 “Therefore, behold, I will this once cause them to know, I will cause them to know mine hand and my might; and they shall know that my name is The LORD.”