And The Beat Goes On

Pss. 55:6 “And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.”

And The Beat Goes On

In between all the angst of the chemo days, a lot of cruddy things happen in what seems like the beat of a drum. One thing, two thing rat a tat tat, and the beat goes on. This might be the proof I needed to show you that NEGATIVITY breeds NEGATIVITY! All of the instances below began at the beginning of the acceptance of Herceptin, it's when everything was negative to me.

In the midst of our illnesses (my hubby's and mine), our three-year-old fridge decides to make an extremely loud clanking noise in the middle of the night. Loud and irritating, (fridge not hubby) my husband decides to be jarred awake and go bang on the side of the rowdy fridge. The clanking stopped, but the momentum had the cookie jar on top of the fridge, toppling over, the lid came crashing down on the floor shattering into a million pieces, and at three o’clock in the morning, clear eyes are not to be had! Clean up. * sigh *

Then our twenty-year-old clothes dryer decides to play the fridge game and begins its own riotous annoying noise. Not at three a.m. and still heating and drying, its all good, just a pain in the EAR!

His twenty-one-year-old truck decides it’s going to do some booming and banging and as we were heading home from the doctors one day the clanking was obviously the muffler, that had fallen off, dragging behind us. We pulled into a safe place (there are no safe sides of the road here), and hubby pulls the muffler off and places it in the back of the truck. We don’t litter. More sighs are in the works with maybe a few eye-rolls. Next...

Hubby looks all over for his thirteen-year-old phone. I hear something heavy and noisy clanking (this post title should be clanking) in the washer that he had just loaded and started up. I tell him the noise doesn’t sound right from a new washer, but as a man (all men) who don’t listen, goes on with his day, until its time to get clothes out of the washer and what drops to the floor? His phone! The old phone went through the entire wash, rinse and spin cycle. He fruitlessly tries to save it, to no avail. He panics. Our phones are everything to us out here in the middle of nowhere with no landline. Besides being a shop-o-holic, the man is addicted to technology (like the rest of the world)!!!!!

I finish up the clothes, drying and folding and putting away as he runs off to the store to buy a new phone. Payment will just be added to our bill so no out of empty-pocket cash necessary. My anxiety rears its head because it just seems like everything is hitting us and hitting us hard. The fridge, the dryer, the truck, chemo crud, and a clinging cold/allergy session, and now, the phone.

Two hours later he returns with what they had to offer. A deal. UH OH! I hope he didn’t… he did. He fell for what they had to offer: a Smartphone and a FREE tablet with all the fixins and trimmings. A case, a keyboard, and they even tossed in some GPS thing for the car. Swindled. A week later he was returning, the phone shield (not free) and protective phone cover, keyboard to the tablet and the case (also not free). For what they were charging him HUNDREDS of dollars for, he purchased on Amazon for under fifty bucks!

I happen to despise the smartphone and everything that it stands for. I’ll hold my ground with my stupid phone as long as I can, but wouldn’t you know it, ironically, maybe less than two weeks later since his purchase, my phone stops working. Keys don’t function, the battery barely holds a charge, and the only key that worked in the end, was a way to get my contacts before my dumb-phone went dark, never to open its eyes again. 

I cried! I wanted my stupid phone! My only active contacts on the phone were my texts to my son, a text to hubby when he was on break at work, and two calls on the weekend to my mother. That’s it! Now the phone has gone into the ether. What will this poor woman do??

Hubby snapped into action, he ordered me a phone online and it would take two days to arrive. Thank God my son has a FB messenger app that when I write to him from Facebook, it goes right to his phone. Two days not talking to him, my lifeline, would tear me to pieces. Facebook finally came in handy! The only problem? With our phone service (I have no idea what it all entails, and I don’t care to know. Technology is a blank to me, a total blank!) the only phone they force on you is, you guessed it, the Smartphone! They offer NOTHING but smartphones! 

So my phone conveniently goes up in a puff of smoke when his phone was accidentally fried. Now I'm forced to get a new phone. It’s a conspiracy. It seems everything can and is going wrong like a train derailment skidding into a stop position but no sign of slowing any time soon.
But wait all of this began happening when my perky positive self took a turn for the worse. I’m an optimist, positive sharer of love, and giver of smiles and joy, but when I knew I was going for chemo in the vein, my world toppled! TOPPLED! I lost hope, I lost laughter and joy and optimism. Optimism is what God wanted me to have but hope was veiled, I couldn’t find positivity and every single day it is a struggle to see the Light shine, and lack of sun and warmth is no help.

Also on the familial level, I feel like a forgotten soul. Do you know how hard it is to love online Spiritual Family, that actually embraces me daily, more than any other family I'm connected to? Don’t get me wrong, I love the families God has surrounded me with but it is hard to see people as caring with an every-three-month email or visit (if that) saying I’m praying for you, hope things are okay. I’ve shut down. If you want to know how I am ask ME, I’ll be glad to tell you, if you don’t ask, I won’t, it’s that easy.

I’ve written a blog for well over ten years. My family could sure learn a lot about me if they read the pain in my words but no, they’ll wait until I pass and say, “How come I didn’t know about this?” Well, you did but you didn’t care enough to read the very heart and soul of the one you claimed to have loved.

Now to turn this around into a positive! I HAVE to see positive beauty in life, the life I WANT to live and not give up on. I have a husband, a son, and a Spiritual Family that cares for me, touches me, and gives me strength every single day to go on and be the me they know me to be! I am HER!!! It’s just hard digging her out of the trenches the sandy soil has encompassed me with.

The truck still runs, the chemo might get better, we did get new phones (that’s a whole different story) and my hardy Salvias are trying to peek their heads out and show me that life IS worth sticking around for. Until I got wind of a Blizzard Warning for the end of the week. HA HA HA HA! 

I’m looking up! I need to continue writing because that is the emotional healing that I NEED. Where you all follow along, read, and support me, my family here doesn’t know much at all and is full of questions. That pretty much sets me back because my path is NOT the path they’d choose, nor would any of you for that matter, but you RESPECT my chosen path! I love you for that. 

When I say I don’t look forward to living. The family gasps! You guys reading this understand me and know that this is just a phase and offer prayer, support and strength as I wiggle my way through this setback. You lift me up and make me WANT to live! Give me a REASON to live! And just as I typed this I peeked at Facebook before posting this and here’s what greeted me. “Our thoughts and feelings have an electromagnetic reality. Manifest wisely.” 

I think my Spiritual Family actually gets this, I thank you and love you for knowing and understanding me! Manifest positivity and it powers through! Manifest negativity and everything can and will go wrong. 

Mark 1:10  "And straightway coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens opened, and the Spirit like a dove descending upon him:”

The Challenge

Pss.46:1 “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

The Challenge

When I was first diagnosed back in January, the first couple of days were filled with tears, sifting through junk, tossing unnecessary things out, feeling sorry for myself and accepting my impending demise. There’s nothing like a wake-up call when facing our own mortality.

I knew what the diagnosis was going to call for and pardon the pun but I was dead set against chemotherapy. My gut instinct told me that this was not my route, I had an even more challenging route to take.

The question was, am I up for the challenge? I had questions and needed to sort through the tangled mess. I needed to pray, meditate and trust. Trust all that God was going to tell me and be strong with whatever He told me. This is where discernment comes into play. Knowing what is from God and what is not!

I said to myself, if the oncologist is willing to work with me, I’ll go the chemo route. I have no idea about these matters or doctors in general so I seriously had no idea what I was thinking. I’ll say brain fog but the confusion was more than that, it was the stigma surrounding the diagnosis, inevitable doom.

The first oncologist flat out would not work with me or tell me anything I could do to help the chemo not have such extremely bad side effects. So I basically had my answer. Then I chose a second oncologists opinion just to be sure my alternative route was not something made up in my mind and that this is really the route God had planned for me. 

I prayed flat out, if this is the route to be set before me, let this oncologist be the one who will work with me. Again, the doctor threw his arms up and declared a stance of no there is no alternative, chemo can give you ten years of life. SAY WHAT? Ten years? Suppose I want twenty? Well, he assured me chemo could not guarantee me that far of a lifespan. From my research, I found that most assuredly the Big C would invade my body again somewhere else or some other illness would attack and take me out. Yes, dire prognosis to say the least.

I knew when I was first diagnosed the treatment *I* wanted to take and that was the health treatment. The oncologists cemented my decision. I wanted a treatment that will keep me feeling good every waking day until a doctor comes along and says, the disease has invaded your entire body and we can do nothing for you. I don’t see that happening because health over drugs is the way I NEED to go. God told me quite bluntly that it would be the challenge of my lifetime. 

My husband said something the other night, he asked, “Do you think more people choose chemo because it’s just easier than changing their diet?” I had to say, “It might be that and the fear and that they’re not offered any other option.” People, even at stage one are given a dire prognosis. They’re told that chemo is the only way to go, mainly because they [the doctors] themselves are NOT informed of any other way to go. They’re taught to push chemo and that is what they do to keep food on their plate and money in their pockets. 

I in no way think chemo is the ‘easier’ route. I think that is one of the most difficult things to do in your life, basically give yourself over to the medical profession, trust them, and they use you as a lab rat and with fingers crossed, hope you’re their success story. And we all know what happens when you’re not their success story right? You become a statistic. 

I think changing my diet is my only way out since I don’t see any other option. I told God I was up for the challenge and that is when He said, “I GOT THIS!” All the way, not a portion of the way down the road he’ll drop me like a potato sack on the side of the road and leave me for dead. Nope, we’re in this together, ALL THE WAY! 

My first step? See what other survivors who chose the alternative route have done! That is when I fell into the Chris Beat Cancer modules, for FREE mind you, right when I needed them! Also, that is when The Truth About Cancer modules fell into my lap, again, for FREE!!! Coincidence? I do not believe in coincidence! There is no such thing! 

Guide to clean and dirty fruits and veggies -  A great link with many more than the dirty dozen fruits and veggies. I've learned a lot in these past three months.

Here are some healthy recipes - An excellent link to eating healthy!  

After that my research was being dropped in my lap daily, I didn’t have to dig through articles and recipes, I rarely hit google search for anything because everything was either finding me or I fell upon it like finding a diamond in the coal mines. I don’t believe in luck either so what could this path be guiding me to or whom is the guide? GOD! Plain and simple, GOD! 

Everything happened in His time and in His way from the diagnosis to the healing, so I know it is He that is leading me down this path. Why? Because I need to show the unsuspecting, unknowing victims that there IS another choice! Don't let fear run your healing race. Take CONTROL of your destiny and stand firmly with God.

I’ve come across people who’ve said, “I live a vegan lifestyle and was still diagnosed!” 
I’m going to tell you all, it is NOT just about eating healthy! It is about balance, eating the right kind of meats sparingly, balancing the what and whens of eating.
It’s about healing past pains!
It’s about DETOXING your organs, because if you’re fighting this illness, then your organs are damaged and need mending.
It’s about finding the right vitamins, nutrients, herbs, fruits and vegetables and allow them to work WITH you. 
It’s about looking at the labels on foods and STOP eating processed food!
Stop feeding the disease and it will stop killing you.
It’s about being one with God and giving Him full control and trusting Him. A lot of people falter on this one for fear of giving up control of their illness. I hate to burst your bubble but God has been in control since conception!

 The Body Proves a Creator

No doctor will EVER tell you that nutrition will help you, you need a nutritionist for that and if you’re on a tight budget, you’re on your own, because nutritionists are far and few between.

Here’s a reasonable supplement store but again, read the labels, you want the purest possible:
I find my soaps and deodorants here also as well as Frankincense, Myrrh, Epsom Salt and Magnesium oil.

Pss. 45:8 “All thy garments smell of myrrh, and aloes, and cassia, out of the ivory palaces, whereby they have made thee glad.”

Here are some more added links you might find useful even if you’re not fighting the BigC. Changing your diet will help many illnesses including high blood pressure, heart disease, type2Diabetes and more!

The Health Benefits of Onions

My eight wonders of the world; yes all are a part of my daily new lifestyle

Is this path my easy way out? I think you’ll agree, it is a challenging route, to say the least, and no weaker person could be up to the challenge. Like fighting any illness, it is a challenge every day and one we must all take, on our own, if we are ever to live a normal, vibrant, pain-free life again.

1 Cor. 9:24 "Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain."

Questions and Answers

Pss. 145:17-18 KJV “The LORD is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works. The LORD is nigh unto all them that call upon him, to all that call upon him in truth.”

Questions and Answers

I think people have more questions than I do answers but I will try my best to give you the most asked questions as I face this battle of a lifetime. I don’t mind answering questions as long as you don’t counter with a negative response, it could cost me what I deem a valuable friendship.

Question: What made you opt out of doing chemo?

Answer: Well, as the oncologist would have me believe, fear. You see they instill fear so you react in fear. Meaning, they give you dire consequences before allowing you to think for yourself and possibly finding an alternative route. 
What made me opt out? Prayer, God’s answers to my prayers, and finding that there ARE options that the doctor’s don’t allow people the chance to know. 

Question: Are you sure you’re not reacting in fear? What makes you so confident?

Answer: Let me ask you, what would make YOU choose chemo, and be honest? How would YOU react and WHY? 
For me, the doctors handed me a dire diagnosis in my eyes. They wanted me to act quickly, so quickly red flags went up in my head overriding the fear. All I asked for is TIME; time to think things through. Their reactions of  ‘Joni’s not committing’ and words like ‘all I hear is fear in your voice, let us help you’, again raised red flags. THEY are the ones I fear; not the diagnosis. I knew right then and there God was answering my prayer. ‘Don’t do it’ He said. So I opted to ‘Just Say No To Drugs’; a motto that carries a lot of weight with me, a thirty-year reformed drug addict.

1 John 5:14, “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.” (NIV)

Question: Why do you have such confidence that you’ll beat this?

Answer: My faith gives me confidence. I’ve been through so much in my life that God has led me through, walked with me, never once led me astray, and now has chosen to lead me again, so I go with confidence in my Lord.

Question: Are you saying my faith isn’t as strong as yours?

Answer: In NO WAY am I saying my faith is stronger. We each individually have our own strengths and weaknesses. Your faith is not my faith and my faith is not your faith. As unique as this diagnosis is to every person, so is our faith and so we must do what we feel is right to US. I would never judge you for choosing chemo, or drugs for what ails you. This is MY walk and MY path and I’m just sharing with you on MY journey. If you ask for what is working for me, by all means, I’ll give you an honest answer but don’t be surprised if it turns into a God talk. *smile* 

Question: Why don’t you say the  C word, is it fear?

Answer: Saying the word c-a-, yeah I can’t even write it; it is not fear that drives me, it is empowerment. If I say it, over and over again, I’m owning the disease. I will not own this illness, this is going to flee from me and it will be the diagnosis and word for other people, just not me. Don’t judge me.

Question: How will you know you’re healed? What does your doctor say?

Answer: Like everything else in my life, I will let God tell me. I prayed for healing and He says through His stripes I am HEALED and I believe that with every fiber of my being. 
My doctor’s not surprisingly have disowned me, washed their hands of me. I imagine them pouting because they failed the pharmaceutical company that drives their pocketbook, but seriously, they’ve moved onto their next victim to instill FEAR into. 
I asked my GP if there were test she could do as I face my recovery and she said flat out, NO, there is no test. Hmm… no scans? No blood test? No measurement? No, nothing? I find that odd! They sure had a lot of toxic tests to diagnose me, but now that I’ve refused chemo, there is no test to see how I’m HEALING?
Again, I’m going to trust God on this one. The One who has NEVER let me down!

Question: What are you doing to heal?

Answer: For one, I searched and researched facts! Second, it is a fact that diet plays a key role in the c-factor. No refined sugars, no carbs, no dairy, no meat, no processed food, no grains (grains are sprayed with pesticides). All toxins need to be eliminated to the BEST of your ability. I switched immediately to a majority of all organic fruit and vegetable diet! Only recently have I allowed, non-chemical laden chicken and eggs into my diet, only because MY BODY was/is telling me what to eat and drink!
I drink purified water, green tea, detox tea, and hibiscus tea. Exciting sounding, isn’t it?
I wash my body with my new Almond soap (no toxic chemicals). I’ve changed deodorant; I now use lavender spray. I have an essential oil diffuser to cleanse the house of toxic mold and pesticides from the fields sneaking into the house. I also now exercise. I take two twenty-minute walks a day (it started out as one fifteen minute walk), weather pending!
I’m taking supplements and I’ve recently discovered the healing power of the sounds of meditative multidimensional music. (No, not rock or classical). Music being used as a healing power, who would’ve thought? Me, that’s who! Yeah, I’m weird like that. 
I’m listening. My body is telling me what I need and God has a trumpet in my ear telling me “You are HEALED! You are HEALTHY! You are WELL!” Onward Christian soldier I go, marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus, going on before. 

Question: Can you tell us the supplements you use? 

Answer: Maybe in another post (too many to mention) as I’m putting together facts for my book I’m writing so I need all of the facts and where I’ve been getting my information to take such supplements. I’m not going into this with blinders on and neither should you if ever diagnosed. Get educated! Gain knowledge! Walk with God!

Question: Don’t you need surgery? Are you going that route?

Answer: My body says NO! The doctor wants to slice me open but in all of my research, I found that it may cause the cells to spread out and go into other parts of my body. No chemo, no radiation, and no slice and dice! Fact: the tumor is not the disease! The tumor is a RESULT of damaged sick cells. Cells are tiny as dust motes. When doctors slice and dice, they take more out even if you say no, they are their own god’s and perform as such. My God is healing all of me not just a portion of me!

Question: Isn’t that asking a lot of your God? 

Answer: A RESOUNDING NO! My God created the universe. Was it too big of a job? Certainly not. He created you and every thread of DNA. Too big of a job? Not in any way, shape or form. My God is an awesome God, He reigns! 

You are free to ask me questions but this topic is not open for debate. I feel debates have a negative overtone and there is no healing in negativity! Am I crazy? Some might say I am, others say I’m brave and courageous, I say I’m just listening, to God, to my body, and the TRUTH! 

All praise and Glory to God in the highest heaven! 

Pss. 9:1 "I will praise thee, O LORD, with my whole heart; I will shew forth all thy marvellous works."