My Journey: I'm Home

Prov. 7:19 "For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:"

“My faith is made stronger through trials, my strength more powerful through prayer.” ~ Joni

My journey continues: I'm home...

Friday, October 5th, we pulled up to the house. Being wheeled into the house, everything looked different, everything felt different, and to me, everything WAS different. My eyes kept darting to the left then to the right, I looked at things I had not seen for twenty-one days. The rooms either grew bigger because I wasn’t squished in a corner or shrunk smaller, ornaments were misplaced or moved, furniture rearranged or still the same, my dog Sassy was missing, as well as my son and I anxiously wasn’t sure what to make of my homecoming.

I’m home. I repeated those words in an eerie fashion, not much unlike Dorothy clicking her heels and repeating, ‘there’s no place like home’, mine was shortened but meant the same thing, I was HOME! In the safety of my husband's care. In the comfort of all I knew. In surroundings that were familiar. Home, the place where my heart was most secure.

Home to me took on new meaning. It meant no more trappings, no more nurses, no more poking and prodding, home meant to rest, for me anyway. To my husband, home for me meant he was strained with unfathomable responsibilities, new routines, new duties, more pressure, new to him caregiving. We both had major adjustments to get used to. Our wedding vow of ‘in sickness’ was now slapping us upside the head forcing us to embrace this segment.

He asked if I was ready to go into the bedroom but right at that moment, I just wanted to be placed in front of the window and stare out, repeating ever so lightly, I’m home, over and over again. No squirrels or birds to greet me, just an open cornfield that by the time I returned home was already harvested. I missed harvesting season, my highlight of country living. I call the squirrels and birds my animals and as I looked out the window, I could see my animals had not been tended to while I was away. This would soon change, just add another thing to the honey-do list mounting. This list would grow over the weeks as I was being cared for and lessen in the months, as I would heal with time and I could fend for myself. That day was still too far away to grasp.

My husband had asked if I wanted my computer but my mind was blank, still struggling with the fact that I was in new surroundings. While I missed my friends immensely and knew that they awaited word from ME, not my son saying I’m okay. They would have to wait three more days for me to make an appearance on Facebook to announce, “You can count me down but never count me out!” 

Everything in its time. It took time to adjust to home living again. It took time to acquaint myself with what it felt like being alone. It took time to understand that I was dependent on other people for my well being. Yes, God handled the majority of my spiritual care and for that, I’m grateful beyond measure but getting used to being home was a task for my family and me in and of itself. 

By the time nightfall came, fear was creeping in like a fog looming over me and holding me entombed in its presence. I held tightly to the blankets as I pulled them closer to my chin, tears were rolling down my cheek, and I began praying for a peaceful night sleep and for God to watch over me because this was a mind-numbing scary first night home. 

Steven would sit quietly at his computer tapping ever so lightly on the keys knowing I was safely in his care. I would listen to the new sounds surrounding me and map out the next days' task. As my eyes scanned the shadows on the wall, my mantra seeped from my lips, again and again, I’m home, I’m home. Now the journey of healing would begin to take hold.

Mark 5:19 "Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee."

Wait On The Lord

1 Cor. 2: 4 “And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man's wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power:”

Wait On The Lord

Waiting on the Lord requires no rocket science, it requires a faith in the unknown like no other belief.  Faith alone will not guide you into the hands of the waiting Lord when eternity comes your way, faith alone is like having a tree with no leaves. You have the solid trunk (faith) but without leaves, you’re left feeling naked among men, and to many, that’s not a pretty sight.

A part of waiting on the Lord is preparing. Preparing and being prepared for the day He arrives when your naked tree is looked upon by Him. Did you tend the tree? Did you give it the utmost care and nurture it so it would grow? Then why does it have no leaves? Don’t tell me it’s fall, either! 

We are being attacked in our daily lives by satan himself. He’s present in our negative thoughts, gives us nasty scenarios to distract us from the Lord and your tending of the tree. If your tree is naked you more than likely have fallen victim of satan without even knowing it. You’ve tried to tend the tree (your faith), you’ve kept vigil by being true to His word, but you allow what you think is good and right into your world not knowing you’re doing battle with satan and losing even some small connection to the bark of the tree.

1 Cor. 10:3-6  “And did all eat the same spiritual meat; And did all drink the same spiritual drink: for they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them: and that Rock was Christ. But with many of them God was not well pleased: for they were overthrown in the wilderness. Now these things were our examples, to the intent we should not lust after evil things, as they also lusted.”

We allow our strong faith to be swayed by the lusts of this world. That is where many people go wrong in their walk, they’re easily swayed not fearing the Lord or satan for that matter. I sometimes think people believe in God but not satan. Well, let me just say, if there is good there is also evil. They both walk and talk spiritually to lure but one sits in the midst waiting to devour you with pleasures that will lead you away from the righteous path. Demons, satan's followers -the third that were cast out of heaven and were denied the chance to be born on this earth are among the living. Spiritual forces -both good and evil- permeate this existence

When people say they are believers and followers of Christ, how can they NOT believe in satan? Especially when the Bible states that Jesus cast out demons. Is that a lie? Was that just folly to scare us? I’m not one to dwell in the dark hemisphere and I try not to bring any bit of darkness to this world that hasn’t already touched me in some way shape or form. 

Rev. 12:9 “And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him.”

To wait on the Lord, the demons inside you must be cast out. There is a way to be rid of the darkness and that is trusting in the Lord solely for whatever you choose. Do you choose hate over love? Do you dwell in darkness instead of Light? 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

With ALL thine heart does not mean a portion of it, it means ALL of it. Sometimes you’ll feel queasy because satan is tugging at you but you need STRENGTH in the Lord so He can and will direct your path.

This month is Creepy Movie month in our household where we watch creepy scary movies. I like tales of ghost hauntings (Haunted Honeymoon, The Others, The Sixth Sense) but I despise demon possession (Exorcist, Conjuring) for a reason no one would understand without calling me a freak but I normally draw the line on those demonic types of movies. 

We take turns picking a movie and the month has been going pretty good with movies like The Addams Family, White Noise, (animated) Monster House, Awakening, The Haunting, just good fun creepy movies.

Last night hubby’s pick went south, too far south for me, the movie The Conjuring was about demon possession and I don’t think even he knew it was that blood-curdling scary. But then again he’s never experienced such a thing, his family kept a well-guarded shield of Christianity around the family spanning generations. 

Going a little off topic here (I’m sure it will circle back to Waiting on the Lord) but I don’t know how my hubby and I were even brought together except for that of a Higher Spiritual force! My upbringing, I was always enmeshed in ghost stories. When I was three years old (or younger) I REMEMBER a black cat circling my crib waiting to pounce on me before jumping out our second story window. Mother said we never owned a cat at the time, Hmm. Then my older siblings thirteen and eleven owned a game called Kabala that they thought their little three-year-old sister would like to see. My life was shaped all the way up to ghost stories from my aunts to I myself owning a ouija board. The paranormal was just a part of my upbringing.  My only saving grace was the attendance of Catholic school which in a way brought MY own shield of protection. 

Hubby was raised in a Baptist family where they attended church regularly, bible school weekly, and summer camp yearly. They played cards and normal board games and when I asked had he ever owned a ouija board he said no. They didn’t tell ghost stories (lest it be about the Holy Ghost) and they didn’t meddle in the paranormal. As he grew he had a season where he turned AWAY from God and church whereas I turned TO God and the church. I have to say we’re a 50/50 couple. We’re fifty percent alike and fifty percent different from one another. I guess that’s why it works for us in this season of our lives.

I had a friend recently comment, “I know I don’t wait on the Lord the way I should.” My reply was that there is no certain way that one, ‘waits on the Lord’. We all go through different seasons in our life and our experiences whether good (hubby’s) or bad (mine) will shape what we become and how we wait differently on the Lord.

God Himself decided to reach down and mold me into who I am today, while others might not have FELT the hand of God and had to seek and find Him first before they could THINK of waiting on the Lord. I will not stop my Creepy Movie month of watching movies because, in all honesty, it is the season we put to rest all that has shaped the year. With these movies, I can reflect on how far I have come, while hubby can see the season he missed. You know what I mean?

Exodus 13:10 “Thou shalt therefore keep this ordinance in his season from year to year.”