Flower of Effort ~ A Mother's Day poem for ME

Ezek.: 19:10 "Thy mother is like a vine in thy blood, planted by the waters: she was fruitful and full of branches by reason of many waters."

Flower of Effort

copyright © Adam Zipp

Rainbows over a sun settled sea

Gardens flowing in an effortless breeze

Time forever changing

We ask ourselves what it means to be

Similar to a tree

Trunk so tall and thick

Bark as tough as brick

Growing in an open field

A spot that's hard to pick

Stoic and unmoving

Green and forever growing

Not everyone can be such a powerful thing

Some must settle to grow as a flower

To make up for their lacking in power

Through effort and courage

To withstand the weather

And the cold that comes in November

To understand the effort

Know what lies beneath the dirt

A mask to cover the pain and hurt

Rain softens the soil

That brings the flower its comfort

In trying times

Be like the flower

with wind blowing chimes

Signs of future rain showers

So spread your petals and let them climb

No one could be prouder.

~~~~    *  ~~~~

No need to rip this apart with crits. This was my loving Mother's Day gift from my son, who happens to be following in m footsteps as a writer and poet and I couldn't be more proud!

Thank you, Adam! I love you!

Smart Phone?

Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

One thing I can say, I’m not a conformist. I’ve never conformed to what other people conform to and diligently justify as a means of growing when in essence and truth, be honest, they’re conforming. They will never admit it because it is just a form of growth. My son and I often go back and forth on this issue because he tells me I ‘need’ to keep up with the times. 

I’m on the outside looking in, being bullied taunted and teased all because I don’t conform to what everyone else is doing. If anyone has known me for a while, they KNOW this about me, accepts me for being ‘different’, just as I accept them for being different. But why is it that *I* always feel like the bad guy ready to go sulk under a Weeping Willow.

The day came when hubby walked in the door with a Smartphone. Seriously, NOTHING else was offered (I don’t know, I wasn’t in on the ritual), but the house drained of its energy. I’m a high energy person and thrive on it but lately, with everything going on, the energy is being sucked right out of me. This day was no different, in he walked with a Smartphone and all I could blindly feel is suffocation. Alone, I now would be totally alone.

He was as happy as a kid in a candy store discovering the new flavor of gum. Do you want to hear something ironic? Look up the term ‘smart’ in the dictionary.

Smart:
verb (used without object):
to be a source of sharp, local, and usually superficial pain, as a wound.
to be the cause of a sharp, stinging pain, as an irritating application, a blow, etc.

verb (used with object):
to cause a sharp pain to or in.

It kind of scared me that this is what people are buying into, yet calling ME a bully? 

Is the adjective form of the word supposed to make me feel better? It didn’t.

adjective, smart·er, smart·est.
quick or prompt in action, as persons.
having or showing quick intelligence or ready mental capability:
a smart student.
shrewd or sharp, as a person in dealing with others

He sat mesmerized with his new toy for hours, picking its ‘brain’ and learning all of the ins and outs. Oh, what fun. 
I said to him, quite sarcastically, “They have a doctor for that.” 
He said, “For what?”
I replied, “For people who feel the need to carry a computer in their pockets day in and day out.”

You might get the feeling that I don’t like technology, and you’d be 100% correct! He has been a part of this techno world since he was eighteen, me, just fifteen years now. I only accepted a computer as a means to write. I didn’t like the advent of the microwave oven, why would I be all happy to access the Worldwide Web and it is at my fingertips as I shop, drive, sit with family? Oh wait, that’s what this progressive world is all about. I  realized years ago, I don’t fit in anywhere now, great.

Mysteriously within two weeks my phone conveniently malfunctioned and basically fried. I was now without a phone and I was dreading what was going to walk through that door for me. Just put a bag over my head and let me die now!

A knock on the door brought this new world to me, I felt like Alice in Wonderland about to slip through the hole. Hold on tight, Joni!
“Look at the pretty case. Look at the all of the apps, games, weather bug,  camera, and best of all Google!” 
“Big deal. I just want a phone and texting.
“But, but, but…”
“PHONE AND TEXTING!”

I had to say it loud because, for one, I am not easily swayed, two I am obviously not heard, and three no one really understands who I am. Again, I am alone, very alone. Oh, I don’t have to be, I can conform to the world and find joy in what brings joy to everyone else and that is having access to the Worldwide Web at their very fingertips any moment of the day. I wonder how the earth ever survived all of these years without this pleasurable tool. I bet a lot of men, women, and children died without access and that’s a shame, right there. I bet a lot of men, women children died WITH the access and that’s a shame too.

I realized quite quickly I can’t text with my nails. My son tried to show me but to no avail. 
“Girls text with longer nails and have no problem.”
Getting angry I retorted, “I am not a GIRL! Obviously, I’m an old woman with arthritis!”
“A stylus, do you have a stylus?” I knew the term from the early days when my parents bought my son an iPod and he became snagged up by the Web.
“I do!” I was getting excited by the possibilities now.

I now was understanding the struggle my mother was having with the new phone my brother bought her. She complained that her old phone wasn’t working and that all of the other elderly people playing bingo had these really cool looking phones. The biggest mistake she ever allowed to spill out of her mouth. He got her the new fancy phone and now she can’t switch back. My mother is stuck with a phone she doesn’t understand.

I would at least TRY and understand this phone. My son came by the other day and helped clear some things up for me and I DO NOT and WILL NOT have any apps on my phone except texting and phone calls. There’s a concept, a phone, used to make a call, how strange. He kept trying to egg me on with the lure of a Weather Bug app. I said, NO! I have it on my computer, what in the world do I need it on my phone for. He didn’t know my hubby had painstakingly tried to get me to conform to his ways two days ago, to no avail.

The lure of conformity can weaken some and strengthen others. Conformity looks pretty all dressed up in it’s Sunday best (yup there’s an app for that too, church, sermons, and scripture right at your fingertips) I prefer my Bible but then again we’re all different. 

I won’t judge you for the love of technology and please, don’t judge me for my dislike, and no, I won’t be getting an app for THAT, whatever it is you’re trying to shine on me to lure me into your den.

Only four months into the year and already 2019 is making its mark. And we wonder why the world is in such turmoil? The sneaky snarky dark one came creeping in and you bought what he was selling. He’s left his mark, too. Let the bombardment of the justification begin, and it will.

Job 35:12 “There they cry, but none giveth answer, because of the pride of evil men.”

Rev. 15:2 “And I saw as it were a sea of glass mingled with fire: and them that had gotten the victory over the beast, and over his image, and over his mark, and over the number of his name, stand on the sea of glass, having the harps of God.”

My Journey: I'm Home

Prov. 7:19 "For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:"

“My faith is made stronger through trials, my strength more powerful through prayer.” ~ Joni

My journey continues: I'm home...

Friday, October 5th, we pulled up to the house. Being wheeled into the house, everything looked different, everything felt different, and to me, everything WAS different. My eyes kept darting to the left then to the right, I looked at things I had not seen for twenty-one days. The rooms either grew bigger because I wasn’t squished in a corner or shrunk smaller, ornaments were misplaced or moved, furniture rearranged or still the same, my dog Sassy was missing, as well as my son and I anxiously wasn’t sure what to make of my homecoming.

I’m home. I repeated those words in an eerie fashion, not much unlike Dorothy clicking her heels and repeating, ‘there’s no place like home’, mine was shortened but meant the same thing, I was HOME! In the safety of my husband's care. In the comfort of all I knew. In surroundings that were familiar. Home, the place where my heart was most secure.

Home to me took on new meaning. It meant no more trappings, no more nurses, no more poking and prodding, home meant to rest, for me anyway. To my husband, home for me meant he was strained with unfathomable responsibilities, new routines, new duties, more pressure, new to him caregiving. We both had major adjustments to get used to. Our wedding vow of ‘in sickness’ was now slapping us upside the head forcing us to embrace this segment.

He asked if I was ready to go into the bedroom but right at that moment, I just wanted to be placed in front of the window and stare out, repeating ever so lightly, I’m home, over and over again. No squirrels or birds to greet me, just an open cornfield that by the time I returned home was already harvested. I missed harvesting season, my highlight of country living. I call the squirrels and birds my animals and as I looked out the window, I could see my animals had not been tended to while I was away. This would soon change, just add another thing to the honey-do list mounting. This list would grow over the weeks as I was being cared for and lessen in the months, as I would heal with time and I could fend for myself. That day was still too far away to grasp.

My husband had asked if I wanted my computer but my mind was blank, still struggling with the fact that I was in new surroundings. While I missed my friends immensely and knew that they awaited word from ME, not my son saying I’m okay. They would have to wait three more days for me to make an appearance on Facebook to announce, “You can count me down but never count me out!” 

Everything in its time. It took time to adjust to home living again. It took time to acquaint myself with what it felt like being alone. It took time to understand that I was dependent on other people for my well being. Yes, God handled the majority of my spiritual care and for that, I’m grateful beyond measure but getting used to being home was a task for my family and me in and of itself. 

By the time nightfall came, fear was creeping in like a fog looming over me and holding me entombed in its presence. I held tightly to the blankets as I pulled them closer to my chin, tears were rolling down my cheek, and I began praying for a peaceful night sleep and for God to watch over me because this was a mind-numbing scary first night home. 

Steven would sit quietly at his computer tapping ever so lightly on the keys knowing I was safely in his care. I would listen to the new sounds surrounding me and map out the next days' task. As my eyes scanned the shadows on the wall, my mantra seeped from my lips, again and again, I’m home, I’m home. Now the journey of healing would begin to take hold.

Mark 5:19 "Howbeit Jesus suffered him not, but saith unto him, Go home to thy friends, and tell them how great things the Lord hath done for thee, and hath had compassion on thee."

January Third - Change

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January 3rd, 2019

“Make a POSITIVE change in the world by changing YOU first.” Joni

I’m full of these quotes. I think I’ll put together a book of quotes that are solely mine or should I say soulfully mine! I thought with the new year I’d see a change in people. I dunno, I think I expect people to realize the minute things in life like I do and sometimes they can’t even grasp the big things. I have to shake my head, I’ll pray in hopes I’ll see SOME change this year in others, not just myself. 

Change is hard stuff, I know. It’s not to be all puffed up in words, change is about taking action to move! How many people make new year’s resolutions, only to set themselves up for failure. How good that must feel when people tell themselves what a failure they are because they couldn’t change ONE thing. I never make resolutions and I never ay I'm going to do something and not do it, what a letdown. Stress-free living is not about letdowns.

Today the dismantling of Christmas took place. With the absence of Adam, this Christmas decorating and tearing down had a new back-breaking meaning! Talk about change! My son is now at his own place making his own rules and doing his own thing, while we had to accept the change and do things a little differently this Christmas.

Last night, I took all the ornaments off of the tree and boxed them up, readied them for the basement. I didn’t overdo it because I was sitting in my wheelchair and hubby placed everything on a small tv table so I had easy access to wrap and box the tree ornaments. He would do the tree and lights while I would do the other ornaments, mainly my snowmen! 

On this day, the tree came tumbling down so to speak, and we had the house looking like its old self in no time. I even had time to take a shower. Ah, the beloved shower that I missed for well over thirty days! Don’t get me wrong, I used the old-fashioned bucket and rag to bathe but it certainly is not the same as cleansing the whole body shower! 

We are now finding peaceful common ground. He is relaxing in taking care of my every need, and I am finding a sense of peace in being able to care more for myself. I have new freedoms in washing, and cleaning and do the Suzie Homemaker jobs that I LOVED before my accident. It was a stress-free Christmas and a relaxing calendar change, so much so my blog became a memory for a spell. I need to get back to telling my story but wanted some fill-ins for the New Year! 

The New Year - a blank page for you to write in every day to make a CHANGE! Change is free, not easy but free! Find the freedom in CHANGE! 

The Fourth Week of Advent: The Star

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.

Matthew 2:10

The Star

The star was present through the night 

A shining ray of guiding light

They saw the shimmer in the sky

Knowing for a reason why.

A promise that so many knew

But countless thought that it not true

How can God come down as man

Live on earth and take a stand?

A booming blessed trumpet blared

For those who listened and prepared

It was no secret if truth be told

But man assigned a lie so bold,

Kill the firstborn, that will save

A world of people from all He gave

Have them look not at the sky

But in the hearts of those who cry.

Dim the star, the breathtaking Light

That guided man this wondrous night.

Every mother, father, daughter, son

Will behold this Glorious One.

As we grieve the world that shatters

For man consumed with earthly matters.

Remember the Gift, the glorious start

Of Christmas day found in your heart! 

Luke 2:11-14 (KJV)

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Week Two of Advent: Prepararation

Matthew 5:13-16 (NIV)

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

The Second Week of Advent

I was raised Catholic, for at least eight years of my life anyway. From first to eighth grade the Advent season was a season of love in our school as we prepared for the birthday of our Lord and Savior. The season was more about the love of God than the love of gifts so that was our focus. In the morning before classes began, all of the children were called to the central hallway where we were tightly gathered. One child lit a candle and we all sang in unison, 'O come O come Emmanuel'. We would do this every day before classes began for the next four weeks. 

This was the season that our Christmas plays were put together and as a whole school we were in unison with one another, no grade was doing anything much different, we were all focused on the season in some way. Our classrooms and curriculum consisted of the Jesus Story, the memorizing of Luke, exchanging of Christmas cards, Christmas tree decoration, and all the adornment that we saw on the outside of school, during the next four weeks the holyday was magnified in the halls and classrooms of my Catholic school, St. Mary’s.

Every year since I converted from Roman Catholicism, Advent always held a special time of reflection, of coming closer to God through the lighting of candles, meditation, singing and rejoicing and, spreading love and listening, yes listening, to Him for the way I should go. My Lenten season is similar but that season is the season of renewal, advent is the season of reflection. Reflection of where you’ve been and where you’re going. A peace and contentment with the love of Christ. 

Last week my reflection consisted of Google Earth. Yeah, I know that’s odd but I went back home and looked at the home where I  grew up. The house on William street meant more to me than just the home I grew up in, the house right next door is where my cousins once lived and the house that I would eventually give birth to my first living son.

Sitting there looking at the house I grew up in on my screen, opened a floodgate of memories. The tall slender rowhome with its now brick facade but the same marble steps we used to scrub with comet to get them clean and white, were still there. The long narrow windows were present and I looked, with tears in my eyes as the kid in me remembered so many good Christmas’ decorating those windows. Memories of putting up the Christmas tree right in front of those windows, and the stairs, the winding stairs my sister and I would sit at the top of and secretly watch my mother place gifts under the tree. I’m certain our giggles gave us away. What good memories but oh the memories. 

I know I’ve written about my life and it not being the greatest childhood, (I know, I know, no one had a great childhood but mine was exceptionally bad) except for the Christmas season memories, they were always the best! My grade school was right around the corner from my house so as I visited my ‘old home’ I had to visit my old school, too. I think last week was for me, let’s walk down memory lane.

As I visited my old school the memories of the Christmas plays came flooding in along with the snowflakes I’d cut out or the Christmas construction-paper-cutout trees we decorated and placed around the halls, or the manger I built as a classroom assignment.

I remembered the Christmas play where I was in the back row of the stage standing on a milk crate in a line of students also balancing on a milk crate. Well wouldn’t you know, it would take little Joni to lose her balance and wipe out the entire row of kids as we all came crashing to the floor in giggles. The next year Sister Karl Ann made sure she placed me safely seated in the front row, with a small bongo in my hand as I played the Little Drummer Boy as we all sang.

It seemed I only allowed the good memories in as Memory Lane had changed over the years. I’ve worked so hard the past two years on letting the bad memories go into the Forgiven Pool where they could drown that they no longer held sway in my mind when Memory Lane opened up.

This is the week I prepared to face another Christmas, one in my new life seemingly a million miles away from my old life in Baltimore. Nowhere in my past did chickens and roosters come to my front door or turkeys would eat my birdseed. The only cluttered streets I see out here are when I drive two hours into Omaha where they have what they call ‘City Life’. It’s kind of funny, if only they knew what REAL city life was like. A rock formation in the far western reaches of the state constitutes a ‘mountain’ to them, and sand in front of a lake is what they deem ‘a beach’. To them, a city is where there are tall buildings and a nightlife. A nightlife that is kept at bay in the country living. They have bars out here but nothing like a real CITY has for sure.

Baltimore City's Inner Harbor

my playground as a child

Growing up in Baltimore City I lived right in the crook of the Chesapeake Bay, you know, that was a small portion of the Atlantic Ocean where there were numerous ‘beaches’ all a part of the shoreline of the ocean. Home of Fort McHenry where our national anthem was written by Francis Scott Key. The mountains in the tiny Maryland state escorted you right into Pennsylvania where even bigger and better mountains lined the landscape.

A canon at Fort McHenry facing the FSK bridge

Out here in the midwest often called, The Bible Belt, the land is flat, no matter what they tell you! You can see lightning in the sky over fifty miles away, sometimes a hundred miles away depending on the severity of the storm. The one thing I cherish out here in this new life? LOVE! The love of family is simply amazing out here. The love of God is monumental. The love of life is respected and Memory Lane to them is filled with cows, barns, dirt roads, steak, pulled pork (they call sloppy-joe) with taters and a huge pumpkin pie that grandma made from scratch.

cows on a farm off of a Nebraska dirt road

a barn, Anywhere, Ne.

In the wood framed houses of Nebraska and acres of farm, within each smokestack stood a child looking at a Christmas tree knowing what it meant to appreciate the joys of the Advent season and the welcome of love received when opening the door on Christmas Day. Yes, the road from there to here was filled with rubble but to me with every rock along the way, I saw within, a million mountains ready to climb and a summit to reach.

May the joy of the season walk you down memory lane and you remember all the love that God has poured out to you. His gift to you was His Son, His love for you immeasurable, His Light? Well, each one of us is His Light, it depends on how you see it. God Bless you all!

Luke 2:10-14 “And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Still Small Voice

1 Kgs. 19:12 “And after the earthquake a fire; but the LORD was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.”

Still small voice

Listen, can you hear Him, His still small voice is speaking to you, can you feel him? Maybe you hear an inner voice, maybe He’s revealed in dreams or visions. One way or another God is reaching out to you, can you give Him a moment of your time?

I need to heed my own advice. Yesterday was a pretty bad day, like a pimple everything in me burst; not physically, emotionally. When Lent begins and you alter your routine that you were so set on, you’d be surprised how quickly the Lord responds. 

I’ve said that I’m on a strict protocol but sometimes I don’t feel it is strict enough, I’m not fighting off the common cold mind you. I’ve given up so much that the task of continuing can be quite daunting and overwhelming. This week has been one of those weeks of build-up that came to a head and popped.

For starters, the weather. While everyone is out there laughing at me when I say how cold it is, they are not the ones hindered or put out by the unending cold. They're also not fighting a deathly disease. Let me remind you that last winter we had nary a speck of snow, we had one cold spell that was completely over in two weeks and on this day last year we were hitting record warmth and trees were already showing signs of budding.

Granted I know it is ‘winter’ from December 21-March 21 but for a couple of years, the winters have been mild and bearable. This one is strangely different. I say strangely because with a very dry summer we normally would have a dry winter, but this year when droughts were rampant across the country, after the wildfires in the west, something happened up there in the jet stream that changed weather across the states. 

Since December 21st, we’ve had snow or ice on the ground not allowing me my daily walks. The temperatures have been below normal meaning I’ve seen more minus zero wind chills than days above zero, or even above the freezing temp of 32. With the cold comes clouds, more clouds than sun. With ice, clouds and cold it has swept me into hibernation and that is not an allowed protocol of a vicious disease that lets me know who’s boss on any given day.

With the viciousness of the attack of this illness, I get very down, another part of the protocol that is not allowed. I know from the outside world you can’t see it, so of course, you’re going to laugh and not think of how your simple words might cut me like a knife. I do understand that life is going on for everyone else while mine has come to a complete standstill and turned around for me 360 degrees.

Yesterday I cried, a deep cry where my eyes puffed up, my nose clogged beyond decompression, my head ached and my whole body shivered and shook wanting to curl into a ball and be left alone. I told my husband I didn’t know what was happening or why I was crying like this. I just feel like I’m getting worse, not better, I’m not strong but am becoming weakened. I feel like Jesus went to pray and came back and here I am sleeping. He wanted me awake and I couldn’t do that one simple thing for Him, stay awake!

My husband told me that I used to cry like this a lot in the beginning and that I’ve been doing great. I sure don’t feel like I’ve been doing great but he assured me I was. Even with his assurance and compassion, I felt like sleeping, never to wake up again. I prayed.

Yesterday, tucked in among the frigid gloomy days was a sixty-degree day. The winds were horrendous, kind of ruining the beauty but after my cry, my dog needed to do some business and my hubby was in the shed working on a project. I rose and went to the back door, letting the dog outside, I looked around; the winds subsided. For a brief moment, I felt the sun, I drank in the warmth of my swollen face and felt a peace wash over me. God was letting me know, in His still small voice that I was going to be okay. 

Yesterday I craved everything that I haven’t had for a year. Yes, I know I can crash but I craved like never before. While shopping, I wanted donuts, I wanted pizza, I wanted everything but knew I could have nothing. I grieved beyond consolation, when I got home I crashed into a fit of tears that hurt every part of my being and there was this day, possibly the Son shining just for me, letting me know that I need to see how far I’ve come.

Luke 4:2 “Being forty days tempted of the devil. And in those days he did eat nothing: and when they were ended, he afterward hungered.”

I was reminded that when Jesus fasted, for forty days He was tempted by the devil, He didn’t cave but instead said, “Satan, get thee behind me.” I’m letting you know quite bluntly, I’m not Jesus and sometimes am not that strong.  

Luke 4:8 “And Jesus answered and said unto him, Get thee behind me, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.”

I caved and ate a small frozen pizza. Not just any frozen pizza, I added black olives, onion, jalapeno peppers, ham, and some turkey bacon; the pizza was a feast I haven’t seen for a year! I had two slices of bread with butter, a pickle and some green olives on the side. I ate the entire meal! I was full and it felt good to be full. Granted I’ve been eating well for a year, and yes I’ve had a day or two out of the year where I went off protocol but this winter is the real test. It is making me feel total insecurity, anxiousness, doubt, and fear all coming to a head and exploding.

I need to let you all know that the struggle is real. Appreciate every whimsical chance you get to be with the ones you love. Eat like tomorrow you might not have another piece of food enter your mouth and pray, pray your illness can be fought and won and don’t ever give up. Listen for that still small voice in your head, but most of all, HEAR what it is saying.

This week we’re back to the brisk cold, the clouds swallowing the sun whole, and me kicking myself in the butt for breaking! I need to get back into my exercise routine that winter curtailed even if it is on a bike that sits inside four walls. I need to be lifted up instead of feeling down, even if that means I need to stay away from everyone and their great food filled lives, I need to listen to that still small voice telling me to wake up, I’m not alone! I need to feel Jesus, tapping me on the shoulder telling me He is right here beside me, that He made it, He put satan in his place and we can go on from today with our heads held high. We embrace… I’m not alone. 

God is good, all of the time. All of the time, God is good!

Jas. 1:2-5 “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations;

Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.

But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.

If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”

All praise and Glory to God!

Total Eclipse of the Soul

Prov. 3: 5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

Total Eclipse of the Soul

I wasn’t expecting too much yesterday because weathermen tried to ruin the suspense but I was hoping I would get to see the once in a lifetime total solar eclipse in its totality and let me tell you, it was everything I expected and MORE! I set my lounge chair up outside directing it toward the sun. About ten minutes before the moon began its trek in front of the sun, I posted my blog yesterday. Sloppy as it was I was in a hurry and wasn’t much caring about typos or grammar at that point, I wanted to witness the breathtaking total solar eclipse, the spiritual experience of a lifetime.

I hurried outside, plopped in my chair and the hours passed by like liquid pouring from a cup. My neck has been in a lot of pain this past week, I think from sleeping wrong but yeah a lot of pain for days now. I couldn’t sit in the normal lawn chair, I had to use the one that enabled me to stretch out allowing me and my neck a relaxing position without hurting myself.

I lay there, glasses on and sat watching, waiting, wanting. For some reason, I was expecting something metaphysical to happen because when I watch the stars, the clouds, the leaves, nature, in general, I always have the experience to write about even if it’s meant to be just for me. But yesterday, the eclipse was for millions to witness but would we all see it the same way? Would we all feel that universal connection to the heavens?

My tee shirt logo

Hubby purchased tee shirts a month ago in eager anticipation of what was going to unfold. As the day the eclipse was set to happen, you could feel something brewing in the air even upon waking. Now we’re in no way extravagant, but we felt we needed to mark this day in history by something more significant than a picture. A tee shirt was our little taste of extravagance for the special day. The above pic is mine and my son's workplace provided their own tee's for the occasion. This event is big for Nebraskans.

The entire week leading up to the day had been sunny but forecasters called for this special day to be huddled in clouds. At best the eclipse would be hit or miss. Not expecting anything because of what the weathermen said, I still waited on the Lord to put on a spectacular show; if he can move mountains and part the sea, He certainly can make sure the clouds are moved so that those who needed to see the blazing glory had the chance. 

The temps were in the eighties. the breeze swift and I could feel myself getting a little anxious. Like a teenager anticipating a first date, I awaited my escort to show up. The shadows were playing tricks; dancing silhouettes spun on the ground. The sky looked like a fluorescent light bulb casting shadows in a strange flickering light.

Shadows on the ground minutes before totality

As the moon crept over the sun the sky was slowly becoming the celestial event of a lifetime for me. As it neared totality, the wind ceased. The birds quieted. My husband and I basically were holding our breath. Do you remember the scene from The Ten Commandments movie where Moses is facing the burning bush? He took his shoes off because he was on the Holy ground? That is exactly how I felt as the minutes ticked toward totality, the seconds became the moment, and totality kissed my face, brushing my hair in darkness, whisking my mind to a euphoric high. The sky darkened, the stars briefly appeared, birds silenced as crickets chirred to life.

It happened, the gentle kiss upon arrival, a ring of fire lit 'round the moon. I could see a pinkish light to the right of the moon as if to blush at seeing me. The rest of the circle was a shiny silver plate setting at the King’s castle. Then something happened I wasn’t expecting, tears flowed from my eyes and I bowed my head in the palms of my hands and thanked the Lord for this chance to see His beautiful creation in full splendor. Points of light shone round about like a silent explosion. I bawled my eyes out trying to see all this beauty while fireworks went off in the background twenty miles away in the instant darkness graced the earth. I was basking for a moment in the presence of my Lord.

Totality

While I’m seeing images from around the U.S., some real and some obvious fakes, some over filtered, some raw, there is nothing like actually viewing with your naked eye. Nothing captured what I actually observed with my own eyes, heart, and soul. For a twinkle in time, people stopped, the earth paused in adoration, kids stopped texting and saw the event that would give rise to higher thoughts. My hubby used his eclipse glasses as a shield to click a picture of the total eclipse. He took one with his phone and one with the camera. Me? I was lounging in awe, silently rejoicing in my Lord for the majestic event of the day, looking forward to when we’d meet again. While not everyone was consciously focused on the same thing, I was only focused on Him. Not the sun, not the moon, Him, just Him, the One and Only Son!

Dan. 4:3 “How great are his signs! and how mighty are his wonders! his kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and his dominion is from generation to generation.”

Acts 2:19 “And I will shew wonders in heaven above, and signs in the earth beneath; blood, and fire, and vapour of smoke:”

Working Through Stress

Lam 3:23 “They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.”

Working Through Stress

Wow, what a difference a week makes. I’ve been on a stress relieving kick for some time now and some things I didn’t even know were stress came to a head. Like a pus filled pimple, I felt it surfacing and last week it burst, stress sprayed all over the place and now this week I’m cleaning up the mess it left behind so I can move forward.

For starters, my son- Since last December when the business my son was working at closed down, my son began the hunt for a job. K-Mart was to be his first job and the only place that would give him a chance seeing that he had zero experience. He is a twenty-one-year-old young man with a complete mind of his own and with that mind he has the gamut of emotions that he’s carried through life from anxiety, depression, insomnia the whole kit and kaboodle. After numerous (I’d say hundreds) applications and no calls he broke down and applied at the place his step dad works. Not his first choice but he succumbed to defeat.
Last week, HyVee called him, he went in for an interview and got the job. They offered him part-time fifteen to twenty hours a week. He worked five hours last Wednesday and was scheduled for fifteen more hours starting this Wednesday-tomorrow! Don’t worry it wasn’t in the same department as my hubby and his hours would be nighttime, hubby’s hours are early morning. He’d take the job because he was desperate. 
The next day another job called him and he declined because he had this job. But then it happened, the job he really wanted called him, he jumped at the chance for an interview. They liked him, hired him; Saturday and Monday he was with them doing the technicalities of the hiring process. This job has forty hours a week and more money than the food store, and a medical package too in sixty days. Excitement overflowed but then there was the anxiety of having to quit the other job. This is his journey and I’ll go no further.
Needless to say, when a mother sees her child struggling, the stress is real. Unneeded stress during this time for me but it is very real. Like God does for us kids, He offers himself to us but He doesn’t come into our lives and do all the work for us. I had to watch my son wiggle and squirm as I stood by as the support he’d need but this was something that he and he alone would have to do as the new adult he's become. He’s moving forward in life and that in itself is a bundle of stress for the both of us.

Cannabis oil – Yes, I’m seeking avenues for this curative medicine. My niece has put me in contact with people who are covered by lawyers but money will be my hindrance. It’s okay though because I’m allowing the Lord, myself and my supplements to do their work before I reach out and make the CBD oil happen for me. I’m not at a desperate place yet and have no plans to be but it is good to know that the opportunity is out there waiting for me to tap into.

My GP doctor – Stress is surrounding me in wanting to make an appointment and not wanting to make an appointment. She is leaving in July and I was waiting for my hubby’s eye doctor appointment to be over before I made my GP appointment. I can’t have him missing work in an already short part-time schedule. He’s willing to miss work for me but I need him to get taken care of too. 

Hubby’s Eye Doctor – This was a check-up that he didn’t have last year because of circumstances ie: weather, a change in the doctor’s schedule (he went from coming to our area from Omaha on Thursday’s to coming on Monday’s). Finally, this appointment happened. He went on and on telling us how this success story was pure luck, one in a hundred he said where someone goes from being completely blind to seeing again. Hubby said, “If luck is what you want to call it.” I could see his mind in there thanking the Lord for this MIRACLE, not a stroke of luck.
Anyway, the doctor went on to say that he wouldn’t be coming to our area anymore and that he would be turning hubby over to a new doctor. A sad moment and tears welled in my eyes before the doctor stepped out saying his good-byes. Doctor’s  seem to emotionally disconnect from the patients but it wasn’t so easy for me, or my hubby. Hubby didn’t bawl his eyes out like me, my eyes would not stop leaking. This entire year has been an emotional roller-coaster and this was the icing on the cake so to speak, my emotions of the culmination of stress were released through drippings of tears (not sobs). I let it go.
I thought it had been four years but I miscounted. Hubby had been under this doctor’s care for six years. From cornea transplant to eye removal, to infections to healing this was a powerful relationship coming to an end in a swift blow. I made a swift dart to the front door after hugging the assistant who has also been there for us over these years. * poof * 

The washer – For a couple of years now our washing machine (a GE I might add) has been going on the fritz and two weeks ago it had its last spin. We’ve repaired the wounded soldier over the years but this time we checked into it and the repair would be more costly than a new one. The poor old gal was 14 years old. We laid her to rest and used a ‘for emergency’s only credit card’ to purchase another GE washer. The cheapest one they had but brand spanking new to me. The nearest laundry mat is over twenty miles away so that was never really an option. Just the cost of gas and the cost of using the place weekly would cost more than a new machine. 
The stress never ends….

The dentist -  Hubby has been suffering for MONTHS needing to see a dentist but I had my needed medical attention so he put his on hold. I’m putting my GP visit on hold until he gets this problem looked at so that’s where we are. The stress is coming and going in ripples on the shoreline. I’m strong, I’m alive and I’m THRIVING. I can’t say the same for his aunt who is more than likely on her last week of life, succumbing to this disease. THAT will NOT be me!!!! 

While some may laugh and scoff at my choice in moving FORWARD not succumbing to the slice, dice and poison method. I choose to THRIVE, BE ALIVE, BLOSSOM, and SHINE! Healing is in the palm of my hand! I work through this stress that bombards me daily, with God by my side.  

All praise and Glory to my God!  

“Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.”

 ~ Charles Swindoll

“Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” 

~ Theodore Roosevelt

Holy Week ~ Praise The Father, Praise The Son

Pss. 37:30 “The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.”

In the Day ~ Praise the Father, Praise the Son

Praise the Father, Praise the Son,

Praise the great and Holy one.

In the day when no love shines

The haughty man will rise

Holding there within his hand

The truth behind his lies.

In the day when people think

That wisdom comes from shores

It sails along the currents feed

Right into open doors.

In the day when man is fooled

By fancy ways of talking

Finding face with a false god

A feeble form of walking.

In the day when man can serve

Two masters in his pride

Humanity will surely fall

And nowhere can man hide.

In the day when man can love

Relinquish earthly hate

Walk along the path with Christ

And enter Heavens gate.

Praise the Father, Praise the Son,

Praise the Great and Holy One.

Pss. 111:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.”

Poetry Sunday ~ My Talent

Matt. 25:15 “And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey.”

* ~ * My Talent * ~ *

God asked me to use the talents

That He has blessed me with

The sharing of the Word I hear

The truth and not a myth.

I sent the Word into the world

A message delivered to me

It was a ripple on the lake

For all the world to see.

The words they entered in my ear

And out of my fingers bled

My gift of writing words to you

Is where my soul was led.

God was pleased when he saw

My talent not gone to waste

The gentle words about His Son

I fed the world a taste.

Some people sit idly by

Saving earthly treasures

Their talents, gifts and so much more

With all their worldly pleasures.

Rise up you sleeping people

For the new world that awaits

The life that’s left behind you

As you enter heaven’s gates.

Matt. 25:23 “His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.”

Refiners Fire ~ Perfection

Zech 13:9 “And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The LORD is my God.”

I’m Not Perfect!

I sometimes feel like I come across as a miss-know-it-all. Let me stop you right there in that thought, I am the farthest thing from known perfection since my son was born. To me, he was the most perfect thing I’d ever seen!

Guess what, he grew up and is not perfect either! Wow, how did something so perfect, reshape and transform into an imperfect being? Life, that’s how. Life happens to all of us and instead of being perfect we are refined. We are but grains of sand in a shell waiting to become the perfect pearl.

We are an imperfect species and as we grow we, in all of our instabilities, try to refine ourselves to become the most perfect beings possible. To me, there is only one way to achieving such status and that is to allow the Holy Spirit to live in me and take up a residence in my soul.

Only through the storms are we going to find the refiners fire to go through the hailstorm and shape our inner beings into something of perfection. Maybe not what perfection is to you but what perfection is to me. Since we’re all on different paths leading to different places we will all achieve our own perfection in our own time. Maybe not even in the time that we want or expect but by the Holy Spirits time. 

As I woke today and encountered a double rainbow I knew right then that there was a beauty that was going to encompass my entire day. If I were to allow negativity to drive my day it would have wiped the slate clean of such beauty so early in the morning.  The sun was struggling to peek through heavy clouds in the east while I was facing west and there it was a double-arced rainbow alight in wondrous color right before my eyes. 

I tried with all my might to see the beginning and the end of the rainbow and what I saw was myself, standing midway underneath the joyous arc. I smiled taking in all the beauty and became one with the luminous shape, so much so, I stood in the quiet coolness of the morning and allowed the aroma of the crisp air to shape my day.

As the day progressed the clouds swallowed the rainbow; lightning crashed as thunder erupted in a calamity of rumbles unleashing a torrent of rain that washed over the parched fields. I sat in the stillness of the darkness that had blanketed the room. The rain, calling me to write…I embraced my inner peace of perfection and sat to write today’s blog. 

No, no one is perfect and judging people for their imperfections makes you even less perfect than the Holy One had intended when he refined the pot of gold He shaped you into. He never left you alone to sort out this thing we call life. He never once made you feel that you had to achieve perfection because one thing I’ve learned, He loves us the way we are, only because in his perfection He created you! You ARE perfect in His eyes.

When my son drove off today to go to work in the rain, my maternal instincts wanted to worry about the muddy roads, the nighttime driving when he comes home and all the worries a mother faces but the words ‘I love you, mom’ as he drove off, was like a rainbow of peace washing over my soul. I thought of him going off in his own direction perfecting what his soul means to him. 

Peace has completed my day!

May the Light of the Lord wash over you all and bless you on your individual journey.

Poetry Sunday ~ Mother's Day

Ex. 20:12 “Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.”

Mother

The Christ child had a mother

Just the same as you and me.

Favored, Mary was full of Grace

The Lord is now with thee.

We all had the best mothers

To each his own be true.

Admit that Jesus had the one

That gave her Son to you. 

A mother’s seen as perfect

As we all think she should be.

Humbled, Mary’s full of Grace

Our Lord is now with thee.

A sacrificial love endures

The house becomes a home.

With mother's gentle guidance

She frees her child to roam. 

Footprints left in space and time

A mother's eternal bond

Mother Mary who’s full of grace

With love from here and beyond.

Luke 1:28-31 (KJV)

28 And the angel came in unto her, and said, Hail, thou that art highly favoured, the Lord is with thee: blessed art thou among women.

29 And when she saw him, she was troubled at his saying, and cast in her mind what manner of salutation this should be.

30 And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.

31 And, behold, thou shalt conceive in thy womb, and bring forth a son, and shalt call his name Jesus.

Poetry Sunday ~ In The Day

"The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves. The worst verbal abuse comes from our own tongue. The most negative influence is the devil on our own shoulder. The cruelest judge is the one staring back in the mirror. The person really withholding the love you need is you. No one will ever out-do you at your own mind-games. You must stop doing this to yourself!"  ~ Bryant McGill

Pss. 37:30 “The mouth of the righteous speaketh wisdom, and his tongue talketh of judgment.”

In the Day

Praise the Father, Praise the Son,

Praise the great and Holy one.

In the day when no love shines

The haughty man will rise

Holding there within his hand

The truth behind his lies.

In the day when people think

That wisdom comes from shores

It sails along the currents feed

Right into open doors.

In the day when man is fooled

By fancy ways of talking

Finding face with a false god

A feeble form of walking.

In the day when man can serve

Two masters in his pride

Humanity will surely fall

And nowhere can man hide.

In the day when man can love

Relinquish earthly hate

Walk along the path with Christ

And enter Heavens gate.

Praise the Father, Praise the Son,

Praise the Great and Holy One.

Pss. 111:10 “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom: a good understanding have all they that do his commandments: his praise endureth for ever.”

Poetry Sunday ~ Soul Harvest

Gen. 8:22 “While the earth remaineth, seedtime and harvest, and cold and heat, and summer and winter, and day and night shall not cease.”

Soul Harvest

The time is near, the hour nigh 

Moonbeams droop in a blackened sky 

Blazing sun scorches the land 

Earth erupts in a quivering stand 

Encircling us is ravaging hate

Lust and greed severs our fate 

I sit and watch as lives unravel 

The boulder of strength now merely gravel 

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust

Souls bewildered by mistrust 

Doubt and fear, they give rise 

To muted pleas and mournful cries

As souls ascend and souls descend 

It is our own that we must mend

Bringing forth joy, love and peace 

The decorum of beauty will never cease

Firmly tread as the time is here 

To boldly proclaim, all we revere 

The harvest of souls its beckoning plea 

It's craving you; devouring me

Come forth and share your wholesome beauty

Unleash love, as is our duty 

Reap what you sow, seek and find 

Then you my friend, won't be left behind. 

Copyright ©joni zipp

Rev. 14:15 “And another angel came out of the temple, crying with a loud voice to him that sat on the cloud, Thrust in thy sickle, and reap: for the time is come for thee to reap; for the harvest of the earth is ripe.”

I wrote this many years ago and have posted it before but this seems timely to this very day. God Bless you all.

Bad Things Happen

Acts 11: 23 “Who, when he came, and had seen the grace of God, was glad, and exhorted them all, that with purpose of heart they would cleave unto the Lord.”

Bad Things Happen

Bad things happen to good people, that much we know. What we do and how we react to these bad things makes all the difference in the world. I am a known optimist. When something bad happens in my life I know right around the corner is something better just waiting for me. I see good in everything.

Since I was a child I always saw the Light at the end of the tunnel. I always have seen a path, right or wrong in situations. While at the time of something bad happening it is so hard to even see a sliver of light penetrating the darkness, I held onto hope and faith to get me through.

I seriously think this is a problem for many people. They have sunken so deep into negativity, they have trouble grasping the light that is being handed to them, thus staying in the dark and not really ever embracing the light. No change can happen if you always see the negative (or not so  positive) in everything.

A perfect example is the night sky. While many people walk out the door and see darkness shielding them, I choose to walk out the door and see the stars piercing through the darkness. When it is cloudy and shielding me from seeing the stars, I hold onto hope that the clouds will soon disappear. I have faith that the sun is still out there shining and will  break through the clouds.

The realist will say that the sun being there is just a scientific fact. The pessimist will say the obscurity can go on for days, the optimist will see the Light no matter how far off the sun may be. I know it is there; I have faith that it will shine on me and carry me away from any negative thoughts or feelings.

A realist defined is a person who tends to view or represent things as they really are. To them, the stars are just forms of gases fixed in a space. The Word of God is just words until he/she can have proof otherwise. Even after they are proven, they need more proof. Think Thomas, the ‘I need to see the nail holes and put my hands on them’ Thomas; a witness but never the less, needing even MORE proof.

So where does faith fit into the equation? I hear people say they HAVE faith but I also hear others say they’ve LOST faith, to me forming a spectrum of negativity that has no place for the word faith.

Faith is the unknown. Faith is the unseen. Faith is trust in all that propels us forward. Realism is accepting that you have to be REAL before you can have faith and pessimism is not accepting anything on the grain of sand faith stands.

I can bet Thomas was a realist and I can bet Judas was a pessimist. Take these two characters out of the book and you have men, men who never embraced the Light which was being given to them freely.

Choices. We all make choices in right or wrong and with that there are consequences. Don’t blame God if you make the wrong choices. Don’t blame God if all the good you do isn’t being rewarded with good things. Bad things happen to good people but it is the CHOICE to see the good in situations that we optimists are rewarded with good things. I speak from the positively good things and bad that have happened throughout my life from experience.

Bad things happen to good people. Not because God is punishing you. Not because God deems you unworthy. Bad things happen because of the CHOICES you make.