Isa. 60:19 "The sun shall be no more thy light by day; neither for brightness shall the moon give light unto thee: but the LORD shall be unto thee an everlasting light, and thy God thy glory."
A Milestone
I wanted to share a bit of a milestone that really came out of nowhere. You remember that for years I thought I had MS and that my unbalance may have been a symptom? I have posted numerous times telling of my pains in my back, knees and everywhere else.
I know I have one friend that remembers the intimate details I displayed for you all here on my blog. If you’re a follower, you know my story. If you’re not a follower, there are previous posts links over there to play catch up.
Being unbalanced left me either sitting or standing and holding onto the wall but never could I stand and put my pants on in about four years now; it was just too uncertain.
Yesterday it happened, I had to go into my bedroom and get pants. Without even thinking, I stood in the middle of the room and put my pants on, one leg at a time. No wobble, no uncertainty, no holding onto anything, nothing. After pulling them up and buttoning them, I stood there and thought, ‘did I just do that’? A tear came to my eye because it had been four years since feeling like a somewhat normal human being.
My body is changing for the good. Apparently, a healthy lifestyle is what I needed to regain my balance. Not only has the loss of thirty pounds made a significant difference in my wardrobe (115 lbs and holding), the adding of pertinent supplements and healthy eating all around has made a difference in my showering, the way I dress, the way I walk and just about everything in my life.
This week though, I’ve been on the defense in so many ways. I’m thinking October 29th, the second anniversary of my dad’s passing is taking a toll on me that I never seen coming. I am at peace with his passing but I do have to contend with my mother, very much alive who misses him terribly on a daily basis. She says she can’t figure out why she was kept here alive and I told her point blank, maybe it’s for ME! I think God is going to keep me alive for HER as well.
My mother has no idea I have this ugly disease, she would become paranoid (as usual) and worry too much and try to instill fear in me so I think her NOT knowing is for her benefit as well as mine. I think God has kept her alive for me since she is really the only family that I’m in touch with on a daily basis, my grounding so-to-speak. I’ve always been very close to my mother and not physically seeing her for over ten years has its own stress factor but to hear her voice daily helps relieve the stress immensely.
Another milestone is the tumor itself. I’ve been feeling some sharp pains here lately and instead of fear and panic I kicked into research mode and conferred with ladies experiencing the exact same thing as I, as we are all on an alternative path together. I’m going to get a little (a lot) personal and graphic here, if you’re a man, turn away now.
The tumor is in the rapid cell die-off phase. Without a doctor, you might be wondering how I know this. Well, let me tell you. The tumor is big. I’ve already done immeasurable research on this and have found that the tumor is not cancer. The tumor is a result of the cancer, a reaction if you will, it is NOT the cancer itself. Back in January when the disease was discovered, I went to the doctor with a C+ cup size of my left breast. I, my life since teenage years, have been a very comfortable B size.
With my diet change and weight loss, I’m bound to lose breast size so that isn’t the telltale sign I’m looking for in healing, no, the pains are. Over I’d say this past month (since a miraculous herb literally walked in my front door) or two I’ve had a reduction of breast size on the LEFT side. No longer a C+ or even a C, I’m fitting comfortably back into my B cup! You might see that as no big deal, but visually it IS a big deal because I SEE the healing taking place! The tumor is still there but if the pains are a telltale sign of rapid cell die off, I’m winning this battle, a little pain at a time!
I have to share this graphic tale with you as I move toward the continued healing part of my journey. I’m still edgy and defensive but hey, maybe a lack of sugar and carbs is having that effect nine months later. I still have my sense of humor, I took a six-week writing course, and while a little stressful for me, I took it as a challenge to stretch my writing muscles even further. I’m still maintaining strict eating habits that I’m coming to enjoy, I’m still walking and exercising, still loving life and still have problems with my defensiveness. I can work on that though. I’ve done so much work this year that finally I’m seeing the results of my labor. A little defensiveness is nothing to tackle.
All my praise and glory goes to my God on most high! I could not and would not be where I am today without Him holding the reins! My supportive friends are very much an aspect of this healing too! Thank you, and God bless!
