Suffering...

A white tiger who had suffered at the hands of man but is now in a sanctuary to protect and save his life 

3- 11- 09

Jer. 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Suffering...

Why does God allow so much suffering? I totally feel like I’m on a boat drifting on the water that is full of sulphur, the product of an erupted volcano, and the tiny boat is taking on the sulphuric acid water and is slowly disintegrating.

The NIV puts the Jeremiah scripture like this:
Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’” (NLT)

They changed the words to say plans for you; good not disaster. A future and a HOPE! I’ll take the words any way they come these days because, in my suffering, I cling to His every word, because I know nothing else. 

The other day my hubby woke with a stiff neck also. Now we both have sore necks and we attribute it to the new mattress. We lived so long sleeping on the fifteen-year-old mattress our bodies grew accustomed to the dips and curves, with the new firm mattress, we need to reacquaint our bodies form to the mattress and it's taking its time getting to know us. 

I told my hubby that our bodies are getting older and these pains come with age and it’s been pointed out to me more than twice in just two weeks, ‘getting older is no fun’ from the elders of the world. Since the older generation has planted that seed in my mind, I now feel as if it is my aging body. Time is degenerating my skin, my insides, my everything and it’s only a matter of time before it totally disintegrates. Thanks, elders, here I just thought I had an illness at my young age.

It seems around every corner people are negatively dumping their thoughts on me. It’s as if they’re saying I don’t have enough with my suffering let me dump some more on you. From my mother, “You’re HOW much older than Steven? You better take good care of him, there are plenty of ‘young’ girls out there.” To my mother-in-law stating, ‘this getting old stuff isn’t much fun’. Out of context, it looks harsh but they didn’t know how bad I’ve been, only the people who REALLY care and KNOW me, know! Thank you to my dear friends.

I have done so much suffering in my life I thought I’d have a spell of no suffering but then I laugh, no suffering, that is funny as all get out. Just as I said yesterday that God loves us all the same, uniquely, individually but the same. He knows our suffering and is more than willing to give us comfort during these trying times. I cry out, ‘Lord, give me comfort. Comfort in life and comfort in death.’ Eggshells scattered all around, tread lightly.

I’m sure there are many of you out there saying, “Suffering? You don’t KNOW suffering like *I* know suffering.” I think each and every one of us sees our suffering as worse than the others, yet you need to understand, our suffering is unique to us as individuals. He has a different plan so each person has a different type of suffering. Your suffering is no harder than mine, nor mine yours; suffering is suffering plain and simple! Like a fine garden, some just need a little more tending. I’m in the ‘overly brown garden needing lots of tending’ stage. 

I would like to let my dear friend, who for the past year has sent me funds monthly! Yes, monthly, to ease my burden of paying for supplements and anything I need to ease this pain I suffer with daily. They need to know how GRATEFUL I am because I don’t believe I thank him/her enough. I will keep my benefactor private for now because the Lord knows and that is good enough for all of us. Help is vital to me and so much appreciated, I’m honored that God chose this person to help me. My love to you!

This week I purchased (waiting for it to arrive) a reasonably priced neck traction device that chiropractors recommend for stiff necks and such. Since I can’t afford a chiropractor and gave up taking Naproxen for my pains, this device will aid in the pains in my neck! There has to be relief for me somewhere and maybe this will be the device I need to find a little reprieve, a little comfort. Just letting my dear friend know, the funds are going to assisting me in staying alive! Take that to heart, you’re doing great, my friend! This also relieves a lot of stress from my hubby who has to pay for medical insurance for me, organic food, and anything else this newly high-maintenance gal might need.

While suffering is part of the plan I often think of those that never suffer and have a ‘looks can be deceiving’ life! I honestly don’t think they are not suffering, I just think they have a veil so no one sees their distress. I also think we all suffer and share differently. They might hide their pain out of shame or because they don’t want to be that person that always laments and whines about everything from a stubbed toe to a broken nail. While I usually don’t share my minor discomforts, here lately it’s all I have to offer, muscling through the torment daily with a Popeye of a God who is carrying all of my heavy burdens, and He never complains! *big old smile*

My days are being spent away from the negative dumping ground of social media. Facebook is taking too much of a toll on me and I know my friends understand my time away or they wouldn’t call themselves friends now, would they? I’m told that I’m like a bad penny, I’ll show my face again, but now, the time just isn’t right. When it is, you bet your bottom dollar I’ll come back raring to make you all smile! It’s what I do best.

Spring will be arriving soon, as will my New Year, and my days of isolation may be coming to an end, I pray. I’m assured of that with the warming of the afternoons, the Robins hanging around the brownish/green lawn, and the longer days. I’m not adding sunshiny days because they are still sporadic, soon though, soon! My suffering might have an expected end in sight, one of HOPE! 

May God be with you all! 

Pss. 33:22 “Let thy mercy, O LORD, be upon us, according as we hope in thee.”

Jesus suffered more than us all! 

My pain is nothing!

Beauty ~ To Each His Own

Pss. 36:2 “For he flattereth himself in his own eyes, until his iniquity be found to be hateful.”

As some of you may know, I attended a Catholic school from first to eighth grades. Daily I wore the uniform of the plaid jumpers with a white collared shirt for five years, to the plaid skirt and white shirt for another three. 

I never had to worry about competing with looking good to the other girls. Each passing year the time came for me to receive my hand-me-down jumpers from my shorter sister. Yeah, I was taller than my sister by second grade and even with the awkward unleashing of the hem the length was still too short, for me. 

All the other girls had new pristine jumpers every year obviously from a wealthier family but me and my little jumpers, we made it through five years, and the skirts lasted for three. Only on weekends and after school did I wear different, more comfortable clothes and I always decided that this was when I was defiantly going to show my body in a way the nuns would scoff.

I suffered from low self-esteem as a child always trying to be different and I would dress to where I would be noticed, whether it was in butt bearing shorts, halter tops or painted on jeans. I was being noticed; icy blue/gray eyes, long flowing blonde hair, a perfect size zero. It didn’t take me long to figure out that men (yes grown men) were not looking at me (a child) because I was cute, they were looking at me like I was a raw steak being fired up on the grill and they couldn’t wait to stick a fork in me! Certainly not the attention I was seeking.

As I grew, I matured and realized I didn’t need that sort of attention; my tastes in clothing grew, as did my self-esteem. Sure I was now a perfect size six, still long flowing blonde hair and icy blue/gray eyes but something had changed within me; I found God. No longer was I dressing for beastly men, I was now dressing for God! I wanted Him to notice the beauty within me and I longed to please Him in every way.

The problem with that was I was still being noticed in my modestly covered up body but no longer seen as a steak on a grill, I was being admired as a beautiful woman. People saw something in me and I’m most certain it was God shining through me; I had finally become the modest young lady my father could be proud of and the person my heavenly Father didn’t have to turn His head away from.

It saddens me today to look around and see the young girls dressing like they want to work the strip in their hot-pants and boob bearing shirts but I also see that men have not changed over my lifetime. Since the beginning of time man has lusted after the female gender, sadly young or old. Women have always wanted to be looked at and some of us will go to great measure to see our esteem lifted. I would never go to the lengths women do today with all of the plastic surgery from their noses all the way down to their butts. They NEED to be seen and men NEED to look. 

How can I help these young girls? Do I judge them? Do I laugh at their foolishness or do I show compassion and understanding knowing I was much like them once?

Besides pray, I’ll write. The only way to look beautiful and I mean REALLY beautiful is when you have self-confidence. You don’t need tattoos and to be pierced in every orifice to feel confident; you don’t need to dress in slutty attire to attract a man. A real man is attracted to inner beauty that exudes from you whether you’re dowdy or absolutely gorgeous. The beauty you carry inside is what finds the real men to marry, not the false bravado you traipse around and taunt men with. You need to know you’re worth something to YOU not just an object for men to be their eye candy!

I’ve seen many young girls walk into church looking like they were going out to a nightclub and yes, I would think what on EARTH possessed them to wear THAT? Then I remember…I was once like that too; in time they’ll realize it is only for God they should look good for, not for the MAN beast or the WOMAN competitor. Build confidence in YOURSELF, dress for YOU, see your beauty as God sees your beauty! He doesn’t see you with dyed hair, tons of make-up – He sees you naked and bare and what He sees is BEAUTY!

For the non-believers please know, if you’re dressed as a lady of the evening and you’re attracting men and boys, know that they’re not worth the air you breathe if sleaze is what they’re interested in. Maybe it IS what you’re interested in; a life with no breath.