Suffering...

A white tiger who had suffered at the hands of man but is now in a sanctuary to protect and save his life 

3- 11- 09

Jer. 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Suffering...

Why does God allow so much suffering? I totally feel like I’m on a boat drifting on the water that is full of sulphur, the product of an erupted volcano, and the tiny boat is taking on the sulphuric acid water and is slowly disintegrating.

The NIV puts the Jeremiah scripture like this:
Jeremiah 29:11, “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ says the LORD. ‘They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.’” (NLT)

They changed the words to say plans for you; good not disaster. A future and a HOPE! I’ll take the words any way they come these days because, in my suffering, I cling to His every word, because I know nothing else. 

The other day my hubby woke with a stiff neck also. Now we both have sore necks and we attribute it to the new mattress. We lived so long sleeping on the fifteen-year-old mattress our bodies grew accustomed to the dips and curves, with the new firm mattress, we need to reacquaint our bodies form to the mattress and it's taking its time getting to know us. 

I told my hubby that our bodies are getting older and these pains come with age and it’s been pointed out to me more than twice in just two weeks, ‘getting older is no fun’ from the elders of the world. Since the older generation has planted that seed in my mind, I now feel as if it is my aging body. Time is degenerating my skin, my insides, my everything and it’s only a matter of time before it totally disintegrates. Thanks, elders, here I just thought I had an illness at my young age.

It seems around every corner people are negatively dumping their thoughts on me. It’s as if they’re saying I don’t have enough with my suffering let me dump some more on you. From my mother, “You’re HOW much older than Steven? You better take good care of him, there are plenty of ‘young’ girls out there.” To my mother-in-law stating, ‘this getting old stuff isn’t much fun’. Out of context, it looks harsh but they didn’t know how bad I’ve been, only the people who REALLY care and KNOW me, know! Thank you to my dear friends.

I have done so much suffering in my life I thought I’d have a spell of no suffering but then I laugh, no suffering, that is funny as all get out. Just as I said yesterday that God loves us all the same, uniquely, individually but the same. He knows our suffering and is more than willing to give us comfort during these trying times. I cry out, ‘Lord, give me comfort. Comfort in life and comfort in death.’ Eggshells scattered all around, tread lightly.

I’m sure there are many of you out there saying, “Suffering? You don’t KNOW suffering like *I* know suffering.” I think each and every one of us sees our suffering as worse than the others, yet you need to understand, our suffering is unique to us as individuals. He has a different plan so each person has a different type of suffering. Your suffering is no harder than mine, nor mine yours; suffering is suffering plain and simple! Like a fine garden, some just need a little more tending. I’m in the ‘overly brown garden needing lots of tending’ stage. 

I would like to let my dear friend, who for the past year has sent me funds monthly! Yes, monthly, to ease my burden of paying for supplements and anything I need to ease this pain I suffer with daily. They need to know how GRATEFUL I am because I don’t believe I thank him/her enough. I will keep my benefactor private for now because the Lord knows and that is good enough for all of us. Help is vital to me and so much appreciated, I’m honored that God chose this person to help me. My love to you!

This week I purchased (waiting for it to arrive) a reasonably priced neck traction device that chiropractors recommend for stiff necks and such. Since I can’t afford a chiropractor and gave up taking Naproxen for my pains, this device will aid in the pains in my neck! There has to be relief for me somewhere and maybe this will be the device I need to find a little reprieve, a little comfort. Just letting my dear friend know, the funds are going to assisting me in staying alive! Take that to heart, you’re doing great, my friend! This also relieves a lot of stress from my hubby who has to pay for medical insurance for me, organic food, and anything else this newly high-maintenance gal might need.

While suffering is part of the plan I often think of those that never suffer and have a ‘looks can be deceiving’ life! I honestly don’t think they are not suffering, I just think they have a veil so no one sees their distress. I also think we all suffer and share differently. They might hide their pain out of shame or because they don’t want to be that person that always laments and whines about everything from a stubbed toe to a broken nail. While I usually don’t share my minor discomforts, here lately it’s all I have to offer, muscling through the torment daily with a Popeye of a God who is carrying all of my heavy burdens, and He never complains! *big old smile*

My days are being spent away from the negative dumping ground of social media. Facebook is taking too much of a toll on me and I know my friends understand my time away or they wouldn’t call themselves friends now, would they? I’m told that I’m like a bad penny, I’ll show my face again, but now, the time just isn’t right. When it is, you bet your bottom dollar I’ll come back raring to make you all smile! It’s what I do best.

Spring will be arriving soon, as will my New Year, and my days of isolation may be coming to an end, I pray. I’m assured of that with the warming of the afternoons, the Robins hanging around the brownish/green lawn, and the longer days. I’m not adding sunshiny days because they are still sporadic, soon though, soon! My suffering might have an expected end in sight, one of HOPE! 

May God be with you all! 

Pss. 33:22 “Let thy mercy, O LORD, be upon us, according as we hope in thee.”

Jesus suffered more than us all! 

My pain is nothing!

Beauty ~ To Each His Own

Pss. 36:2 “For he flattereth himself in his own eyes, until his iniquity be found to be hateful.”

As some of you may know, I attended a Catholic school from first to eighth grades. Daily I wore the uniform of the plaid jumpers with a white collared shirt for five years, to the plaid skirt and white shirt for another three. 

I never had to worry about competing with looking good to the other girls. Each passing year the time came for me to receive my hand-me-down jumpers from my shorter sister. Yeah, I was taller than my sister by second grade and even with the awkward unleashing of the hem the length was still too short, for me. 

All the other girls had new pristine jumpers every year obviously from a wealthier family but me and my little jumpers, we made it through five years, and the skirts lasted for three. Only on weekends and after school did I wear different, more comfortable clothes and I always decided that this was when I was defiantly going to show my body in a way the nuns would scoff.

I suffered from low self-esteem as a child always trying to be different and I would dress to where I would be noticed, whether it was in butt bearing shorts, halter tops or painted on jeans. I was being noticed; icy blue/gray eyes, long flowing blonde hair, a perfect size zero. It didn’t take me long to figure out that men (yes grown men) were not looking at me (a child) because I was cute, they were looking at me like I was a raw steak being fired up on the grill and they couldn’t wait to stick a fork in me! Certainly not the attention I was seeking.

As I grew, I matured and realized I didn’t need that sort of attention; my tastes in clothing grew, as did my self-esteem. Sure I was now a perfect size six, still long flowing blonde hair and icy blue/gray eyes but something had changed within me; I found God. No longer was I dressing for beastly men, I was now dressing for God! I wanted Him to notice the beauty within me and I longed to please Him in every way.

The problem with that was I was still being noticed in my modestly covered up body but no longer seen as a steak on a grill, I was being admired as a beautiful woman. People saw something in me and I’m most certain it was God shining through me; I had finally become the modest young lady my father could be proud of and the person my heavenly Father didn’t have to turn His head away from.

It saddens me today to look around and see the young girls dressing like they want to work the strip in their hot-pants and boob bearing shirts but I also see that men have not changed over my lifetime. Since the beginning of time man has lusted after the female gender, sadly young or old. Women have always wanted to be looked at and some of us will go to great measure to see our esteem lifted. I would never go to the lengths women do today with all of the plastic surgery from their noses all the way down to their butts. They NEED to be seen and men NEED to look. 

How can I help these young girls? Do I judge them? Do I laugh at their foolishness or do I show compassion and understanding knowing I was much like them once?

Besides pray, I’ll write. The only way to look beautiful and I mean REALLY beautiful is when you have self-confidence. You don’t need tattoos and to be pierced in every orifice to feel confident; you don’t need to dress in slutty attire to attract a man. A real man is attracted to inner beauty that exudes from you whether you’re dowdy or absolutely gorgeous. The beauty you carry inside is what finds the real men to marry, not the false bravado you traipse around and taunt men with. You need to know you’re worth something to YOU not just an object for men to be their eye candy!

I’ve seen many young girls walk into church looking like they were going out to a nightclub and yes, I would think what on EARTH possessed them to wear THAT? Then I remember…I was once like that too; in time they’ll realize it is only for God they should look good for, not for the MAN beast or the WOMAN competitor. Build confidence in YOURSELF, dress for YOU, see your beauty as God sees your beauty! He doesn’t see you with dyed hair, tons of make-up – He sees you naked and bare and what He sees is BEAUTY!

For the non-believers please know, if you’re dressed as a lady of the evening and you’re attracting men and boys, know that they’re not worth the air you breathe if sleaze is what they’re interested in. Maybe it IS what you’re interested in; a life with no breath. 

The Year Ends...A New One Begins

Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart. 

The Year Ends… A New One Begins

Now that I have my shine back, I’m going to attack 2016 with a vengeance. I’m not one to make New Year’s resolutions because to me tomorrow is just the day we hang a new calendar. But I digress; it is a new year with a new number! 

The year that just passed was an odd number, an intermingled bad year with a good year. My marriage took place so I thought for sure the rest of the year was going to be a good one full of blessings galore. I see every day as a blessing no matter how down I am, so yeah, I had 365 days of blessings! I survived, what a blessing!

While in previous years I’ve always celebrated the New Year on Easter Sunday, this year is going to be a little different since I’m going to tackle the New Year on January 1st! Not only am I going to flip the calendar I’m going to flip my energy to a positive growth spurt this year and what better day than on the first of the year.

While I’ll still celebrate my spiritual New Year on Easter, the physical New Year will begin on the first of January leading into the new digits 2016. It is going to be a year of promise, hope, sincerity and truth. Even if death encircles me I will tackle the gloom like a linebacker with every ounce of force within my body.

I’m definitely going to make a comeback with my writing even if I have nothing to say but God Bless you, my challenge to myself is to awake every day with hope in my heart and words on my fingertips! Yeah, that’s a challenge seeing last year I barely wrote. Even if no one reads me, I’ll write to insure my sanity, as without writing I might as well be comatose.

This looks to be an exciting year with the aspect of a new president. I get to watch all my friends fall all over themselves as if stone cold drunk in the political postings of the day. I’ll watch as their year is consumed with hate of this, that and the other thing, all the while posting scripture to defend their stance. 

Facebook may have to become obsolete in the coming year as my fellow Americans make fools of themselves and not even being aware of what asinine behavior they are adhering to in the name of egotistical rights. Yes, we have Freedom of Speech, I just wish everyone could take a look at the dignity mirror and see if hate-filled spew is going to be a part of their year and whom they appear to be mirroring in the mess we call politicizing.

People assume I turn a blind eye to the happenings in the world but little do they know I CHOOSE not to consume my inner strength with false cares of the world. I choose to see the end product because let me tell you, we are all going to die and if your world is so consumed with the here and now, what is your eternity going to look like? 

Again, my new year will not be absorbed by the here and now, it is going to be focused on the end of me and what will become of my spirit in the hereafter.

When I go to bed at night I want to know that I feel good about myself inside and out. After spewing hate, do you feel good? That is temporal and will not carry you through eternity. Sure being consumed with the worldly might get you through the day and maybe that is who you are and you like who you are.

Does God participate in you trying to guilt people into a repost? 
Romans 12: 2 says:  “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” Does God participate in your life at all? 

2016 will be a new year and a new life for me and my participation in God himself will be the driving force behind an extremely good year because I WILL NOT be conformed to this sad world. 

My prayer journey will continue as in years past for change in the human psyche so that humans might be in touch with their spirituality so that they can release the negativity in the privacy of their own minds, not out in the open for the world to see. Because if WE see your evident hate, I wonder what God sees in you?

As you celebrate the ending of the old year and the New Year begins… celebrate life and the spiritual journey. Make a change that you can actually FEEL!

Be blessed in all you do! 

Godspeed! 

The End is Near ~ Part I

Pss.71:21 “Thou shalt increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side.”

The End is Near ~ Part I

Yes, that’s right, the end of 2015 is so close I can taste it watering in my mouth. After the tragic year I’ve had my tears have dried up for now, I’m not sure if it is temporary or not but I’ll go with God in prayer that He brings me out on the other end of a New Year!

My Christmas Eve was blanketed in grief and I realized how much I missed my mother and my father. With Dad gone on to better horizons, I knew the first Christmas would be the hardest but I had no idea my eyes had more tears left to give.

We had gotten word that as Steven’s aunt was driving down to Nebraska from South Dakota, she was run off the road by an eighteen-wheeler and her car was damaged, she wasn’t, physically. He didn’t stop to render assistance; he just kept on going. My goodness. My palm slapped my forehead, then my hands clasped together as I thanked the Lord for the chance to hug his aunt again.

I woke Christmas morning wanting to run to my mother and hug her but she wasn’t here, she was back home in Baltimore. I had to go on with this day and I knew I could make it; the one thing my father instilled in me was strength, and I would do it for him if not for anybody else.

Christmas day I found myself surrounded by family. This was my new family in marriage. Yes, they’ve been my family for 13 years now but this year they became ever more important to me. Sure I’ve always known that life can slip from our fingertips in the blink of an eye, but never more so than this year when I was hit with three prominent deaths in my family.

The aunt that was run off the road told me how ‘young kids’ stopped to help her. Her wheel was pretty damaged but they got it running enough for her to make it to Nebraska. I told her how I had prayed for her to have a safe journey and asked my angels to look out for her. She thanked me, she said “Oh they were there for sure!” At eighty years old you’d think she’d throw in the towel and stop these long trips but not her; I know we’ll see her again come Easter. She is one of the sweetest women I know! She reminds me of one of the nuns I grew up with in Catholic school that have a cherubic glow about them. That is her; she’s a Baptist, not a Catholic but she glows. Before I left to come home she touched my arm and said to me, “Could you ask your angels to watch me make the trip home?” She said that with such a warm gentle smile. I told her of course I would! (But in all honesty, I think she has her own angels surrounding her daily.)

I accepted the warm condolences of the family with watery eyes but not a full-blown cry. The love felt so comforting. I know cards and condolences have a special feel but a hug brings about a physical healing that I truly needed at this time.

My Christmas was full of contentment, love, sharing and caring! I’m not a person who brags and boasts of where I went and what I did or what I got; I feel like God doesn’t care about those material actions, He cares about what you FELT. Since God is LOVE, I was filled with love this Christmas and that means I got everything I ever wanted and all that I ever needed.

While the end of the year is drawing near and I DON’T make New Year’s resolutions, I anxiously await the calendar flip in earnest prayer! It WILL be a better year! It may also be a year filled with death and tragedy but I have the strength to push forward and move ahead and by God, that is just what I’m going to do!

Praise be to God!!!

Isa. 49:13 “Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the LORD hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted.”

A Time for the New Year to begin...

Ecc. 3:1-8 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.
***

We’re three days away from the old year ending and and a new one beginning. I normally celebrate my New Year around Easter, when not only the calendar is marking a new beginning but the season of growth blooms into beauty, souls become redefined, and newness of life is being ushered in!

But the calendar demands me to flip the month over and start a new year. Although, I don’t feel it will be a new year unless I personally make the changes to make it a new year. So what am I going to do this year that’s different from last year?

I’m a woman of honesty, if you are my friend, I love you with a part of my soul that you can trust and depend on. I don’t do lip-service and call you friend, hence the reason I have a select number of friends on facebook. They are people who actually know me and want to be a part of my life, to accept someone just to accept them, is to me, not friendship at all.

So this year I will:
ONE, continue my selective few friends that I can bring into my bosom and call friend. That means I will embrace new friends in the warmth of my heart who would like to be my friend, in the truest sense!

TWO, I will continue to write my blog and keep the new writer’s of today abreast of all the new things going on in our writing community.

THREE, I will continue to pursue a publisher for my poetry. If not I will go the self publishing route, determined to get my spiritual uplifting words into many people’s hands.

FOUR, I am determined to grow in love. Even if I feel isolated and lonely, I will give all that I am to whomever is willing to embrace me and be honest and trustworthy! I need this in my life. I’m too old to play games of secrets, lies, mischievousness, and downright disloyalty. Betrayal is my enemy.

FIVE, I will cling to my spirituality even more so than I’ve already done this year. I have given my heart and soul to God and I expect respect from others who share in the same Glory as I. Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you.

These are just five of the new and improved me things that I will wholeheartedly pursue in this coming year. I had a blessed Christmas holiday with the love of beau’s family, and although my mother spent Christmas in the hospital back home, I was blessed that she healed and returned home to the warmth and loving arms of my father. Maybe this will be the year I finally make the trek back home to see my family. One can dream can’t they?

In with the New!

Job 32: 19 Behold, my belly is as wine which hath no vent; it is ready to burst like new bottles.
***

We’re going to roar into the New Year with a bang, right writers? And we’re gonna put this old heap of garbage of a year behind us and start off on a new note, a new key, an exemplary tone, a swashbuckling wallapalooza of a new beginning.

As many good things that have happened, there’s been an air of things that just didn’t pan out for me this year. The ending of this year is no different. Things are not falling into place the way they should and more than likely I’m the culprit. Okay that is not true, circumstances are not within my control, and things sometimes spiral in a wayward fashion and I’m left standing on the sidelines wondering how things ever got so disheveled.

So here I have Christmas crawling up on me like sly fox coming out of nowhere. The year just wooshed by and here it is Christmas next week. Have I bought anything? Nope. Still sitting here, tapping on the keys, waiting for a miracle. Miracles are a part of Christmas y’know. :)

I woke up this morning and there is a dusting of white stuff clinging to the grass and roads. Not enough to make a snowball or cause a driving a hazard, but enough to make the sun appear brighter than it is already. It was 19 bitterly cold degrees and I had a longing for Texas like never before. It was always so warm this time of year; the roads wide, the stores bigger than life, but the downside was, it was congested to the hilt!

I’ve been hit with yet another cold! Since Adam started school, he’s had three! Brings them home with him then we all catch the lingering germfest. “Are you taking vitamins?” they say. “Did you ever see the price of those things?” I retort. I believe vitamins in a pill form are a luxury that I can’t afford, and I just don’t believe in pill popping. Do I eat good? Yes! Vitamins via food? Most certainly! I drink green tea, which I still say minimizes the length of my cold.

In the six years that I lived in Texas, I had maybe six colds. Since I’ve lived here, in a year and a half, I’ve had six colds! So what is this post about anyway? My pity party? My big complain day or something? By no means. This is the road to a new beginning. A New Year! A long awaited year of change!

By putting all of the have’s and have-nots, success’s and fails, in a written form, I can now see what went right, and possibly where I went wrong. It’s not a pity party as much as it is an organizing technique where I can now begin to shape a new year of fresh unique things that will take place and put my journey in the right direction.

Why not try this yourself. Make a list of the things that went wrong this year, writing or otherwise. Make a list of what went right. Now put a positive spin on it and bring the year in with CHANGE!

Change....

Job 17:12 They change the night into day: the light is short because of darkness.
***

Change is inevitable. Since the beginning of time we’ve gone through transitory changes that has moved us as humans along. Life as we know it, and growth has become an expected source of newness and glory.

Stagnant living does not cause change, although things will begin to change whether you sit still or not. I think what I’m trying to say here is that change is good.

I’ve read so many books in my life and I’ve noticed one common thread throughout the stories. Change. Point blank. The character and story start out one way, say a woman goes down a road (metaphorically speaking that is), then change slaps her in the face, and the story begins its roller coaster ride until she reaches the end of the road an altered person.

You can not write a story without leaking in the imminent changes. The novel would be boring and a redundant repeat of tales gone on before. What we writers need to do is figure out ways to make change new to the reader. Change is always new or something different and Koontz loves to explore change in all of his books, around every page, you never know what to expect.

Change is good. You cannot allow fear to rule your characters. You know, the fear of making change? Your character has to learn from something and change is the only inevitable source.

Sometimes we fear the change will come off as corny, or misguided, out of character, or maybe even contrived. But we have to take the leap if we’re ever to get the novel off the stagnant floor. Live a little, give enthusiasm to your characters. Find a new zest in life for them to live. Allow them to live vicariously through you and in return you’ll be rewarded with a novel that isn’t a repeat of history, it will be a new dawn in the writing world and millions will flock to see what you have written.

Remember...change is what makes the world go round. :)