Memory Lane

Annapolis Maryland

Pss. 23:3 “He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.”

The Path Down Memory Lane

Last week was one long stroll down memory lane. I understand we’re not to live in the past but to move forward, but something about the season of fall makes me want to stroll down that path, at least once a year to revisit the good and bad that I left behind.

I don’t wallow in the mire; I never cling to the dust, I just reminisce then brush it off like an over neglected attic. Sweep the lint, brush away the good and bad crud, filter what goes out and comes back in. Yeah, that’s the best way to deal with an unsavory past.

When people see me now they think, ‘oh it couldn’t have been all that bad, look how well she turned out.’ This statement might be true from your perspective, on the outside looking in, but from my perspective, life was not good in any way shape or form.  

I started writing my blog in 2005 but didn’t start taking the writing and expression of my thoughts seriously until 2008. In the very beginning the blog was just about my thoughts, most of which I deleted but by 2008 I turned the blog into helping writers and the craft of writing. 

I’ve been writing poetry all of my life and really didn’t get into writing fiction until about 2004 when WVU (Writers Village University) came into my life and changed my path forever. I was so excited with the new turn in my life, I shared it with my family who as always, never for one second encouraged me and didn’t really care about my writing unless I was famous and making tons of money. 

As years passed by my love of writing grew and my blog has been an important avenue of healing because it is here where I bare my soul and that’s why the name changed a few years back, I was healing and moving away from the painful past and moving into a new leg of the journey that God had carved out for me in my path to the future. 

My journey is not about making money, my journey is about healing and this is what you read, a sinner on the path of healing. I write from my heart and if my family read anything I wrote they would, I’m certain, be ashamed of not having more to do with me or they’d be angry and finger pointing but such as it is, they will only look for my writing AFTER my death.

Job 30:13 “They mar my path, they set forward my calamity, they have no help.”

I have written my mother and father poems since I was very young. I can honestly say I can’t remember the last time I bought a Hallmark card for them, I’ve always written my own. Maybe not Hallmark quality but it spoke to them and how much I cherished them in my life. My sister was always jealous of my ability to convey meaning to my parents via poems and she has tried writing a poem once but her one try in life came off as forced emotion; whereas my father adored my poems and looked forward to them with every Christmas, birthday and father’s day.

This is what started the stroll down memory lane last week when my mother was reading the poems I wrote to my dad and she told me that she cried with reading each one. She also said that my dad had kept a lot of them in his drawer, I guess so he could read them and feel somewhat close to me as I, his baby, was so far away from home. Then she said something that unknowingly hurt, she said my father read one and looked at her and said, “We’re never going to see her again, are we.” It hurt because he never had a chance to see me again or to hear the last poem I wrote him. (Thanks to my sister, he never got to hear it read. Bitter? YES! Admittedly so!)

While everyone is ranting and raging about politics, I’m taking a stroll, one that has me thinking selfishly about my healing, my growth and myself. Is that selfish? I don’t think so, I’m reminded of a childhood that was, I reminisce of the pain-filled life I left behind, and I look to a brighter future with my Lord by my side and Him whispering to me saying, “he (my father) heard the last poem you wrote, as did I, I am well pleased.”

Yes, He always talks to me like that. Always has and always will! The stroll down memory lane will end for now as I head into my future with my Lord and I walking hand-in-hand. 

Pss. 16:11 “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

Tuning Out

Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

It is quite sad that so many are working hard to bring people to God yet turning them away from Him unaware. I’ve been tuning people out for some time now but still, that doesn’t keep me from observing their behavior. The negative aspects still have a way of seeping in when I least expect. I’m not offended as much as I’m saddened at their inane actions while claiming to be children of God. Human beings are a sad lot.

I see why people are turning from God in record numbers, not just because they don’t believe in the first place, but they are being deceived and that can lead to a falling away of forming any sort of belief system.

It’s confusing when people are touting that they KNOW the truth but don’t LIVE the truth. People boasting of their love of God but are visually so filled with internal hate for everything. People seeking the truth are then led to believe that you can do no wrong and the bible then becomes a laughable joke. They see people practicing not what they are preaching.

I’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t live in God’s world, we live in a political world and man uses the bible as a footstool to base their belief system on and of course, the non-believers are not going to stand for the word Bible or God in their vocabulary. Everyone is too busy seeing the left and right or the wrong and right of things, not the God things. Their focus is NOT on God but the world.

Rom. 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

I realized something last year; that I had raised my son in a Christian household and when he turned eighteen; I realized his beliefs were not the same as mine. Sure I tried to instill all my Christian beliefs into him but there came a backfire when he said to me, “I don’t believe the same things as you.”

A shocker right? Wrong! I realized (an awakening of sorts) that my son is not my property, he is God’s property. It was my job to teach him in the way that he should go but in the end, he is his own person and can form his own ideas/beliefs. He hasn’t turned from God, he’s just drinking in all the foolish lies people spout and forming his own opinion. Wow, how did that happen, he turned out to be his own being? He doesn’t do the facebook thing because, “There is no good in that place.”

This is what is happening in the world today. We try and shove OUR belief down people’s throats and it backfires, people are not buying what we are trying to sell. To a believer you’ll get an AMEN sometimes but to the non-believer you get tuned out. You are turning them AWAY from God instead of TO God.

I was taught as a child that you don’t discuss money, religion and politics because it causes disagreements, arguments, and division. It’s not a law to abide by but it is a non-formal moral code that humans have supposedly grown accustomed to, you’d think.

I think of facebook as a gathering of friends. It would be no different if it were everyone sitting around in the park at a picnic table sharing food and family fun. What I don’t expect is to be hit (and hit hard) with a barrage of political crud, religious buffs (who know everything, BTW) and gabfests on money. Oh wait, the only time money is brought up is when people are sharing the abundance of the amount they have, which is almost NEVER! So why not hold the religion and politics to the same stature? You’re among friends, act like it!

I’m starting to think that these folk don’t have a moral code that they live by. They just want to point out that they are right and you are wrong. It makes me want to tune out and turn away from the very people I’ve come to know and love. Facebook has become a cesspool for the arrogance of society; taken away (or lost in the crud) is the fun-loving, God embracer. Oh they’re there, but far and very few between. My newsfeed is down to about five people now, a much more POSITIVE flow of the GOODNESS in the world.

This is what is happening in the world today. People are tuning out and turning away; tuning out from the hypocritical society, the political garbage and turning away from God. Guess what, people can actually THINK for themselves. They don’t need YOU to tell them what is wrong with the world, clearly showing them where YOUR focus is, and it isn’t on God!

My only saving grace is turning away from the world and tuning into God. God is my refuge; He’s not my platform, I don’t use Him for gain, I use Him for comfort. He is my Soul Food!

Let me let you get back to your political propaganda, your regularly scheduled program. I’m tuned out of Social Media and I’m tuned into God.

Pss. 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

AMEN!