Addicted to Love

Total Solar Eclipse 9-21-17

Pss. 72:13 “He shall spare the poor and needy, and shall save the souls of the needy.”

Addicted to Love

Do you know of an addict? Whether to drugs, coffee, alcohol, food, pain, or the internet? There are many different addictions in this society all of which we either ignore, embrace, dive into and believe we are exempt, we just call them habits.

I’m a habitual addict. I’ve been addicted to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, you name it but the one that has lasted the longest is my addiction to God. Yup, you read it right, I’m addicted to God. I know the signs, I’ve lived with addictions all of my life and God is one addiction I don’t want to be released from. God is Love so in essence, I’m addicted to Love.

Can a person be addicted to God? I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes right now and saying I’ve gone too far but seriously, Jesus was my first crush, my first love! If any of you have had a first love while you may have loved many other people in your life, none other is remembered as the first love. Like a marker of how far you’ve come in life or how much you’ve loved and how much you’ve been loved.

As you know, since I’ve told you my story over and over, I paint a bleak picture of my life as a child, I color my family (bloodline) in a dark light because I know no other shade to paint them. A perfect example is that I tell members of my family that I have a disease that many have accepted as a killer disease and a disease that has taken a good portion of family members over my life, but no one has shown signs of caring for me. Except for my niece, a cousin who offered money, compassion and prayer and maybe my sister care but that’s it. I come from a big family and they are so consumed with their money and living their own high life or low life that the peon Joni warrants no thought.

Now I know some of you will say that maybe they don’t know what to say in this circumstance or that they don’t know how to approach me but please don’t try to make me feel better here, these people care only about themselves and are addicted to their own lives. Eleven months is a long enough time to show some sort of heartwarming response. They are the very reason I had all of those other negative addictions in the first place, I looked for love and found it nowhere except in drugs and alcohol. I raised up an addictive personality, so when I accepted Christ into my life, I craved, yearned, sought the completeness that no other addiction gave me.

I gave up the negative addictions and quietly replaced them with the non-life threatening ones like God, writing, books, the Internet, and food. Yes, you can be addicted to food, look at society, the ones not addicted to the harmful substances are more than likely consumed with a non-lethal substance consuming their life. As we all know, too much of even a good thing can be bad for us but note, for ME, I’ve never found anything bad with drinking the richness of God except that I may have lost a few friends along the way.

I overindulge myself in the Word to the extent I may come off as self-righteous when really all I am is a human being in love with the Lord. It’s hard sometimes viewing the world and seeing friends as equals when all I see is a blinding Light shining in my eyes. Squinting and peering through the slivers in my eyes doesn’t allow me to see much of anything and in the New Year, I aim to work on looking around and making a note to find anything out there that makes living worth it all.

Now don’t get me wrong, my memory hasn’t allowed me to memorize scripture verse by verse. The drugs and alcohol addictions damaged brain cells so much so that I have a hard time retaining input. I remember the essential parts of God and that is good enough for Him and I. In the beginning of my faith journey, I dissected the love of my life with a fine-toothed comb, from the beginning to what I perceive as the end times, but honestly, I don’t do the dissecting anymore as it takes my eyes off of my final destination.

Our addictions shape us, literally! Food shapes us, our consumptions mold us, and often times we can’t see past the roadblocks that we’ve placed neatly around to ‘protect’ us from the outside world. It is during the Christmas season that people get a small glimpse of the outside world and what is really going on around their protective layer of their space. Compassion crawls in the door, lights shine in the dark, joy warms the heart, hope inebriates the soul. Have you ever thought as to why this happens around Christmas? It’s because for one brief moment in time people can actually get a glimpse of Christ in action throughout the season. The world opens their eyes and beholds… the Love of my life!

Jer. 31:3 “The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”

Change or Stay The Same

Colossians 2:6-7 KJV “As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him: Rooted and built up in him, and stablished in the faith, as ye have been taught, abounding therein with thanksgiving.”

Change or Stay the Same

As a child, our parents would issue an ultimatum to us when we did something bad. Change or do the same thing over and reap the repercussions. More times than not we chose not to change and of course, we reaped the repercussions and received a spanking or another form of punishment. Punishment because we chose not to change.

As an adult, while I don’t have my mother over my head telling me not to do something, I do have a Father inwardly pressing me to change or stay the same. While I have a tendency to come down hard on doctor’s the one thing I agree with them on is when they utter the words that you can change your diet, food intake, alcohol consumption, etc. or stay the same and suffer the consequences.

This is where the whole pharma/drug epidemic gained traction. They were banking on people not changing and staying the same, therefore NEEDING the drugs they offered to pacify their problem illness. The Big Pharma never sought a cure, they made more money keeping people drugged up. There is no money in non-sick people.

I call this era in history the Techno Era, it is the era where technology has soared to new heights. We’re not as advanced as the sci-fi shows like Star Trek, but we’re not too far behind. In all of the sci-fi shows I’ve watched about the future, I never see heads bowed into submission, not to God, but to a techno gadget that holds their attention. The world has become addicted as much to drugs and food as they have to their gadgets of the new era.

Change or stay the same, some will argue that change is necessary for growth and advancement and they embrace the changes of the techno era, but does this mean they’ll change their diets to save their own lives? More times than not, people would rather accept a new drug for their heart or a new phone for their hand than to change the food that goes into their mouth. And as a result, society is suffering the repercussions.

While I’m not 100% against the techno era, only because of this current illness I’m faced with. Had this disease attacked me just fourteen years ago before I received my very first computer, I’m sure there would have been a totally different outcome because I would have succumbed to the doctors and their fear tactics not ever known there was something different out there that I could utilize to heal. Because God forbid, should a doctor be trained to tell you to change or stay the same. Some doctors will tell you to change or expect your health to diminish, but do people change? Not on their life!

Life expectancy is getting shorter and shorter with each passing year because of the toxic world we are giving our children. More and more children will be affected by the EMF (electromagnetic field) of their tablet and phone use as well as the fifty vaccinations they receive by the time they’re five, and the chemically treated food that we give them to eat every day of their lives. No wonder the nation is so sick.

I’ll be tossed the argument that you need to know how the balance of these techno gadgets can have benefits. I agree, but that is assuming people are willing to change rather than stay the same, right? It’s pretty clear that people are NOT willing to change. I understand balance, I understand change, I also understand repercussions that have haunted me throughout my life because I wouldn’t change, CANCER is the result.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I have carnivores in the house so I accommodated them AND made myself a wholesome meal of a lifestyle that I now embrace. The guys had their small turkey (breast), stuffing, mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce, dinner rolls, and I tossed in some corn for them. Me? I had baked sweet potatoes smothered in organic maple syrup, cinnamon, and chunks of pineapple. I also enjoyed sauerkraut with grass-fed chicken sausage, and I had corn also. I treated myself to a dinner roll, too. I was so full when I was done it felt like I had gained much-needed poundage. Later, I also had a big slice of an organic pumpkin pie I made!

Sometimes we can embrace change or suffer the repercussions. Nobody in my house felt deprived of a huge turkey dinner and no one was fighting for the Rolaids afterward! My man has chosen to change. He’s cutting back his sugar intake, watching the carbs, taking a vitamin and in two weeks has already gone down a belt size; all because he CHOSE to change.

I don’t tell people they HAVE to change, I mention that change is good and healthy but I think they already know that and have CHOSEN to stay the same and suffer the repercussions. So as you knock back that beer, devour that bottle of wine, overindulge in a meal because it is there, remember the repercussions and the old saying, “A moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips.” While I am most thankful for the food I was able to eat, I am more thankful for the opportunity to CHANGE and turn my health and life around and not stay the same.

All praise and glory to God!

Pss. 55:19 “God shall hear, and afflict them, even he that abideth of old. Selah. Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God.”

Where Do The Funds Go?

Ecc.3:3 “A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;”

Where Do The Funds Go

I’m sure you’re wondering, why donate? Well, let me tell you. Any money you send me is going directly to food that I can’t afford on an income of Social Security. I myself cannot get SS disability because the only jobs I’ve ever had were taking care of the elderly, cleaning houses for meager pennies, so I have zero put into SS so I can receive nothing! Hubby is disabled and yes, he's worked all of his life to be able to receive the meager S.S. payment and few hours a week allowed by our lovely government. So where does that leave penniless cancer patients? In the cold, that's where!

Here’s the thing, when I was younger I gave my life over to God. I didn’t go halfway in I went all in. I always walked differently than any fellow walkers of God that I knew. When He says own nothing, I basically took that literal and to this day I own NOTHING. I always said that God will provide and sustain me and at times it has been hard driving that into people but God has NEVER let me down. God has and will continue to provide for me even now, whether you donate or not. 

Just like now, I have no money to beat cancer. I don’t have a savings account, fancy cars, I don’t own a home, we rent this little house out here on a rundown Turkey Ranch. Am I ashamed or embarrassed? Not at all, this was provided by God so why would I be ashamed? I wrote about it a few years ago. 

I totally get that people work hard all of their life for nice fancy stuff, big fancy house, top of the line vehicles, all the best of clothing, but that is who you are not who I am. I own nothing but own everything, to me. I have a roof over my head, I have all I need and have never lived to own all the things that I might someday WANT. I’m content on living, NOW!

So why beg for money if God can provide everything for me? Sometimes God uses people and their illness to bring out the true colors in people. We’re living in times where we don’t have time to hoard all of our riches and stow away our valuables, they ARE NOT GOING WITH YOU. Point blank, your materials will be dust in the earth.

When you see a homeless man on the corner and you drop him a dollar, that is a million bucks to him! To you, it is chump change but to him it is sustenance. That’s why I’m out here begging for money, so I can add a couple more years to my life to do God’s work. 

I need to be on this no carb, no sugar, no dairy diet for at least two years for it to beat the cancerous cells lurking inside of me. Add to that my dietary supplements and it’s going to be a costly journey. One that I’m taking you on with me and hopefully changing some peoples lives along the way. I’m a pioneer of sorts, showing you the way to adding years to your life. I’m going to take what I’m learning and pass it on to you and it will be a much cheaper solution than all that is offered out there because let's face it, you don’t have the money either.

A fruit and vegetable diet is costly especially if you go organic to keep all of the chemicals out of your system that feeds the cancer cells. When you help me, you’re helping every single person who is changed by what I’m writing. Just like when you hand a homeless person money, that money goes to a proprietor, who pays his employees, who has that job to feed THEIR families. So when you help one, you’re really helping many. Think about that.

Just like me, the vitamins I’m buying are not from the mega stores such as WalMart, or GNC, they’re from a health and nutrition supplement store that just opened and are trying to get their leg up on the market. I realize Nebraska is not the health state of the nation. They’re all about GMO’s, pesticides, processed food and unhealthy eating. Maybe that’s why this is the only supplement store around for forty miles. (a GNC store opened recently and is quite close but I haven’t checked them out yet.) 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Nebraska and the moral compass that I don’t see in other states I've been to, but the moral compass isn’t going to free me of cancer, only healthy eating will do that and healthy eating cost money, money I don’t have. Where do the funds go? To food and supplements! You’re allowing me to live. 

I bought a head of cauliflower, a bag of baby carrots, and a handful of brussel sprouts. I made up SEVEN baggies, and that fed me for SEVEN days! As this journey progresses I’m going to give you my recipes I've found, modified because of money, but still good to eat and filling. All this to add years to my life and possibly yours. You can modify my recipe to suit your taste if you want. 

Right now I’m on: turmeric, selenium, Cureamed (that’s a curcumin supplement), Vit. C (1000 mg powder) Iodine, and my B12 stress tablets. It’s a lot to take and in two months I’ll run out UNLESS I get more help and I’m positive God will provide! I’ll only give out my mailing address if asked. My email address is jonismuse@yahoo.com. I’m here and I am alive with God!

I’m going to put together a book called Beating Cancer on a Budget and in two years when I’ve beat this, I will seek a publisher for it! I have goals, I have a plan but most of all I have a wonderfully AWESOME and most AMAZING God who thought enough of me to tap me on the shoulder and say, “Wake up girl!” And now I’m awake and LIVING! God Bless you all! Thank you for your support. 

Pss. 30:2 “O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.”  

It Affects The Whole

Job 34:13 "Who hath given him a charge over the earth? or who hath disposed the whole world?"

What you say and do affects the whole!

When someone says, “Oh that don’t affect me.” I seriously believe they are lying to themselves. I try to say I won’t let all of this negative barrage of false information affect me but it has me feeling like a scrambled egg in a hard-boiled world!

I took a much-needed break last week from writing BECAUSE the negativity is wearing me down! I had a cold on Saturday; I call it my once a year cold because I only get a cold once a year. I didn’t get it when Steven had his a month ago but Adam was off of work for his cold and well THAT is the cold that latched onto me like a leech to fresh skin.

With all the negative mudslinging and me trying to get away from it, the cold snuck up on me, sank in and had me feeling not too well so I, the woman who never rest, rested! A much-needed rest from writing and playing into the hateful hurtful hands of a society gone mad.

It can’t be just me but when I was being raised I distinctly remember being told not to talk about money, religion, or politics. The Social Forums have become my ancestors’ worst nightmare where people actually think that THEY can change your mind by filling the newsfeed with HATE!

I’m not force-feeding my Native American friends my religious views nor me their Spiritual views. We have a mutual respect for one another. So why can’t political views be the same? Why the force-fed inundating hate-filled political views? And we wonder why we have such lousy choices to choose from? People, young and old, male and female cannot be civil beings and respect one another, that’s why!

You cannot change my view on abortion by showing me a late term abortion where a living baby is being pulled (yanked) out of a woman and tossed in the trash! Especially after hearing amazing stories by amazing women about choices that had to be made, and they chose wisely! Another friend was told by the DOCTOR (as happens more than YOU know) to abort her baby and she CHOSE to listen to her instincts and not to!

You cannot make me become a republican by trashing the democrats and vice versa! Do you honestly feel you’re HELPING an already destructive warpath? You’re NOT! You’re adding fuel to the fire and I consider you walking merrily with Satan hand in hand looking like a family. A family that hates together stays together!

Why am I talking about this with you? Because your negative infectious antics have AFFECTED ME! I’m sick, I’m tired, and I just want to write about the blessings that this world has and all anyone can do is rant about what they hate in the world. It has literally made my body susceptible to a normally fought off cold!

People are deleting long time friends, people are arguing over the who’s right and who’s wrong in society, cyber attackers are taking down websites, and  scary clowns are turning fun happy clowns into something sinister. Do we really think this is going to end after the November elections are over? I’m afraid not my friends, this is the beginning of the end and I’m going to be off in my own little world with my happy thoughts thanking my Lord for saving me from the chaos about to ensue. 

God be with you all! 

Heb. 2:4 “God also bearing them witness, both with signs and wonders, and with divers miracles, and gifts of the Holy Ghost, according to his own will?”

It's Not About The Money

1 Cor. 3:13  “Every man's work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man's work of what sort it is.”

It’s Not About Money

Last week I told you that my son got a job. He took that job just as another place was calling him for an interview, a job that was offering more money. It’s not about money, he needs someone willing to take the time and train him in a setting that doesn’t overwhelm him and with people that aren’t degrading.

You see, he had a temporary job in December that lasted all of three days. He had no idea how much money he was making until he quit and received a pay. They were supposed to be training him but all they had him do was the ladies mule work that they obviously were too tired to do? They gave him absolutely no direction except to ‘put this away’, he had no idea where ‘away’, was. Was he supposed to guess? Yes, he did ask, but only to the frustration of the ladies unwillingness to train.

He suffers from anxiety and depression so he made the decision to quit just after three days of no schedule, no direction, and no training, just mule work. I say mule work because he was their beast that carried their burden. The women hated their jobs (and told him), they hated the hours, the sloppy store and cared more about the breaks to go outside and smoke, my son is a non-smoker.

This new job that he started on Monday started off the same exact way. Training was, ‘here load this furniture here and move it here.’ Five hours of unending mule work, he came home in severe pain. He works out but the muscles used for furniture lifting and moving did a number on his back and his leg muscles.

He made it to work Tuesday after telling me that he’d give it another try and that he’d be talking to his boss. The talk went over well apparently because he came home in much better spirits than the day before, he was still in pain but it was pain carried from the day before. They wanted him to go Thursday at eight a.m. to go fifty miles to another store to pick up furniture and bring it back to this store he’s working in and unload it there. An eight hour day scheduled of more heavy lifting. Yeah, he didn’t sign up for THAT! After the talk, they gave him the hours of four until eight pm to continue his training today, Thursday.

What I don’t understand is, don’t they have people doing that kind of work for them or are they just shoving the work on this new kid because they can? Needless to say, he told the manager that he couldn’t do all that heavy lifting and that it almost put him in the hospital. The manager replied, “well that’s just part of the job.” I’m even more curious, do the girls/ladies have to do THAT part of the job? Stocking food and other items might be part of the job but furniture? Is moving a hundred pound sofa part of the job? Do the ladies get to NOT do it because they’re female? Sounds like a double standard to me.

It’s not about the money. Sure money is nice but when you’re degraded and belittled does the money become a means to an end? Adam applied for job after job and ninety-nine percent wanted people with at LEAST six months experience. How is a kid supposed to get experience if no one is willing to train him and give him the experience?

After two years of taking care of me, jumping into the workforce is a little harder than saying just do it! This week we ordered him a phone as an incentive to keep the job but also to relieve my worries of him driving in the darkened hours of the day. I think he’ll stick this one out for a little while but not because of the money, because of the experience. Let’s hope it’s a good experience.

We’ll see what happens.

Tuning Out

Rom. 12:2 “And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.”

It is quite sad that so many are working hard to bring people to God yet turning them away from Him unaware. I’ve been tuning people out for some time now but still, that doesn’t keep me from observing their behavior. The negative aspects still have a way of seeping in when I least expect. I’m not offended as much as I’m saddened at their inane actions while claiming to be children of God. Human beings are a sad lot.

I see why people are turning from God in record numbers, not just because they don’t believe in the first place, but they are being deceived and that can lead to a falling away of forming any sort of belief system.

It’s confusing when people are touting that they KNOW the truth but don’t LIVE the truth. People boasting of their love of God but are visually so filled with internal hate for everything. People seeking the truth are then led to believe that you can do no wrong and the bible then becomes a laughable joke. They see people practicing not what they are preaching.

I’ve come to the conclusion that we don’t live in God’s world, we live in a political world and man uses the bible as a footstool to base their belief system on and of course, the non-believers are not going to stand for the word Bible or God in their vocabulary. Everyone is too busy seeing the left and right or the wrong and right of things, not the God things. Their focus is NOT on God but the world.

Rom. 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

I realized something last year; that I had raised my son in a Christian household and when he turned eighteen; I realized his beliefs were not the same as mine. Sure I tried to instill all my Christian beliefs into him but there came a backfire when he said to me, “I don’t believe the same things as you.”

A shocker right? Wrong! I realized (an awakening of sorts) that my son is not my property, he is God’s property. It was my job to teach him in the way that he should go but in the end, he is his own person and can form his own ideas/beliefs. He hasn’t turned from God, he’s just drinking in all the foolish lies people spout and forming his own opinion. Wow, how did that happen, he turned out to be his own being? He doesn’t do the facebook thing because, “There is no good in that place.”

This is what is happening in the world today. We try and shove OUR belief down people’s throats and it backfires, people are not buying what we are trying to sell. To a believer you’ll get an AMEN sometimes but to the non-believer you get tuned out. You are turning them AWAY from God instead of TO God.

I was taught as a child that you don’t discuss money, religion and politics because it causes disagreements, arguments, and division. It’s not a law to abide by but it is a non-formal moral code that humans have supposedly grown accustomed to, you’d think.

I think of facebook as a gathering of friends. It would be no different if it were everyone sitting around in the park at a picnic table sharing food and family fun. What I don’t expect is to be hit (and hit hard) with a barrage of political crud, religious buffs (who know everything, BTW) and gabfests on money. Oh wait, the only time money is brought up is when people are sharing the abundance of the amount they have, which is almost NEVER! So why not hold the religion and politics to the same stature? You’re among friends, act like it!

I’m starting to think that these folk don’t have a moral code that they live by. They just want to point out that they are right and you are wrong. It makes me want to tune out and turn away from the very people I’ve come to know and love. Facebook has become a cesspool for the arrogance of society; taken away (or lost in the crud) is the fun-loving, God embracer. Oh they’re there, but far and very few between. My newsfeed is down to about five people now, a much more POSITIVE flow of the GOODNESS in the world.

This is what is happening in the world today. People are tuning out and turning away; tuning out from the hypocritical society, the political garbage and turning away from God. Guess what, people can actually THINK for themselves. They don’t need YOU to tell them what is wrong with the world, clearly showing them where YOUR focus is, and it isn’t on God!

My only saving grace is turning away from the world and tuning into God. God is my refuge; He’s not my platform, I don’t use Him for gain, I use Him for comfort. He is my Soul Food!

Let me let you get back to your political propaganda, your regularly scheduled program. I’m tuned out of Social Media and I’m tuned into God.

Pss. 139:23-24 “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

AMEN!

Sight Unseen

Psalm 90:4 For a thousand years in thy sight are but as yesterday when it is past, and as a watch in the night.

***

This is the emotions attached to the accident continued, if you all have been reading.

Steven wants me to get back in the saddle again, as much as I hate it, I have to agree, if I don’t get back, I’ll lose myself in the pit of depression, anxiety and fear. All things I’ve fought and overcome throughout my lifetime and here I am faced with it yet again, beckoning at my doorstep. I need time to heal but time is NOT being allotted me. I’m ‘supposed’ to just ‘get over it’, with all due respect.

We named the truck Destiny, the year she was purchased, many years ago in 2003 before Steven and I had met in person. I called her Destiny because it was that White Knight that was going to come and save me, although she was dark blue. She was going to whisk me away from the treacherous life I had been living and take me to a place warm and safe.

She made it across many states, to Maryland and then back to the land of Texas. Destiny made it to Nebraska for a wedding, back to Texas, up to Nebraska again for a funeral and back to Texas. A few more Nebraska trips and back to Texas. She’s run the gamut of successes. I always talk to her as if she is a living breathing entity and on the day of my accident I was telling her how sorry I was for wrecking her.

She gets pulled out of the ditch, and in her greatness, starts right up. That’s my Destiny. Now as I know she has to be fixed and overhauled, she’ll shine in her greatness and ride once again. What I’m wondering is, will I be in the drivers seat?

What I do know is that my destiny (future) is unknown just as the trucks. We’ll both heal and move on but will our paths continually collide? This we never know. I’m tired of the unknown. Hurt by the uncertainty. I will shine once again in my greatness and ride off once again. No white Knight this time, no warmth surrounding me, just my heart and soul.
My illusions have been shattered.

Can you tell I’ve sunken into the pit of depression? This is not me, just so you know. I’m the strong one who gets through these tough times with God gallantly carrying me on his shoulder. My Destiny is laid out, and the truck is just a truck.  To Steven, the truck is his baby. Men are different with their cars/trucks. I see the accident playing over and over and he sees how much this is going to cost him. Money we don’t have, money that will keep him from going to the doctors, money, money, money! As he loses faith, I am empowered by the very force that saved me.

I am a living breathing entity. This much I’m sure about.

You know, I realized something throughout all these years, I cost more than I’m worth. :(

Back to writing on Monday, hopefully.