Memory Lane

Annapolis Maryland

Pss. 23:3 “He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.”

The Path Down Memory Lane

Last week was one long stroll down memory lane. I understand we’re not to live in the past but to move forward, but something about the season of fall makes me want to stroll down that path, at least once a year to revisit the good and bad that I left behind.

I don’t wallow in the mire; I never cling to the dust, I just reminisce then brush it off like an over neglected attic. Sweep the lint, brush away the good and bad crud, filter what goes out and comes back in. Yeah, that’s the best way to deal with an unsavory past.

When people see me now they think, ‘oh it couldn’t have been all that bad, look how well she turned out.’ This statement might be true from your perspective, on the outside looking in, but from my perspective, life was not good in any way shape or form.  

I started writing my blog in 2005 but didn’t start taking the writing and expression of my thoughts seriously until 2008. In the very beginning the blog was just about my thoughts, most of which I deleted but by 2008 I turned the blog into helping writers and the craft of writing. 

I’ve been writing poetry all of my life and really didn’t get into writing fiction until about 2004 when WVU (Writers Village University) came into my life and changed my path forever. I was so excited with the new turn in my life, I shared it with my family who as always, never for one second encouraged me and didn’t really care about my writing unless I was famous and making tons of money. 

As years passed by my love of writing grew and my blog has been an important avenue of healing because it is here where I bare my soul and that’s why the name changed a few years back, I was healing and moving away from the painful past and moving into a new leg of the journey that God had carved out for me in my path to the future. 

My journey is not about making money, my journey is about healing and this is what you read, a sinner on the path of healing. I write from my heart and if my family read anything I wrote they would, I’m certain, be ashamed of not having more to do with me or they’d be angry and finger pointing but such as it is, they will only look for my writing AFTER my death.

Job 30:13 “They mar my path, they set forward my calamity, they have no help.”

I have written my mother and father poems since I was very young. I can honestly say I can’t remember the last time I bought a Hallmark card for them, I’ve always written my own. Maybe not Hallmark quality but it spoke to them and how much I cherished them in my life. My sister was always jealous of my ability to convey meaning to my parents via poems and she has tried writing a poem once but her one try in life came off as forced emotion; whereas my father adored my poems and looked forward to them with every Christmas, birthday and father’s day.

This is what started the stroll down memory lane last week when my mother was reading the poems I wrote to my dad and she told me that she cried with reading each one. She also said that my dad had kept a lot of them in his drawer, I guess so he could read them and feel somewhat close to me as I, his baby, was so far away from home. Then she said something that unknowingly hurt, she said my father read one and looked at her and said, “We’re never going to see her again, are we.” It hurt because he never had a chance to see me again or to hear the last poem I wrote him. (Thanks to my sister, he never got to hear it read. Bitter? YES! Admittedly so!)

While everyone is ranting and raging about politics, I’m taking a stroll, one that has me thinking selfishly about my healing, my growth and myself. Is that selfish? I don’t think so, I’m reminded of a childhood that was, I reminisce of the pain-filled life I left behind, and I look to a brighter future with my Lord by my side and Him whispering to me saying, “he (my father) heard the last poem you wrote, as did I, I am well pleased.”

Yes, He always talks to me like that. Always has and always will! The stroll down memory lane will end for now as I head into my future with my Lord and I walking hand-in-hand. 

Pss. 16:11 “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

I Walk with Him

Luke 18: 25 For it is easier for a camel to go through a needle's eye, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.

I see a confused nation. They’re walking around dissecting the bible as if it was written to be dissected. They believe in every wind of doctrine and follow false teachers in a parade of arms waving them on.

Some might say I walk around in a blind ambition but let me tell you, I am not blind to what the Lord is showing me. Maybe He tells you to dig and dig to find the truth, dissect book by book to find the true meaning of the Word. Maybe He is the one leading you into  false doctrine? I doubt it.

People are a curious lot. They need answers to all their questions and they will shovel anything that someone is out there ready to cover them with. They will call it deciphering Bible prophecy and to my mind, they’re trying to know God’s mind and that is, to me, impossible and not able to be dissected.

I think what people are trying to do is put a Religion into a box, wrap it up and look at the beautiful present they have before them. I was always taught to think outside the box and not to conform to what others want me to think and believe, thus the very reason I consider myself a Spiritual Christian.

There is a verse in the bible that has always stuck with me:

Matt. 18:3 And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.

While I don’t feel in any way that this is a literal statement meaning we should all walk around with pacifiers in our mouth spewing goo-goo ga-ga, I do feel it is meant for us to become of the utmost innocence that only a child knows.

When a newborn babe is wrapped in your arms, you are touching innocence from the realm of God in the purest sense of all creation. Did you ever wonder what was going through their minds as they looked around at their new surroundings? I always thought they were wondering how to get back to the God realm and as they grew and grew they found that there is only One way to get back there and throughout life in all their journeying they were being led back TO Him.

I never felt in any way that God wanted me to pick His words to pieces, dissect book by book looking for meaning, I always felt God taking me on a journey based on faith. The newborn has faith like no other. He is striving to be led by his Creator. He doesn’t need to understand the why’s of the things God wrote, or the how’s of how he did it, or the when’s as in the precise time God created the world; all that a newborn knows is trust and faith.

To become as little children always meant to me, to take on the innocence and purity of faith and all that means. If you cannot see with your own eyes that bible prophecy is coming to fruition and you need some stranger to dissect and point it all out in black and white, you’re throwing mud in the face of faith. You’re slaughtering all that God intended you to be, a faith-filled servant.

“Religion is the belief in someone else’s experience, Spirituality is having your own experience.” ~ author unknown

If you are going to fall into the snare of religion, you are only following others and what they learned on THEIR journey. To be a spiritually vibrant person of Christ, you will have your very own journey/experience led by God, it is YOUR story to relay to people, not regurgitated words of someone else.

We live in a world where ministers are telling us, “We sin, we go to hell”, “You are saved by the blood of Christ, you’re going to heaven”, “Sin all you want, you’re saved, you’ll go to heaven.” By the way they make it sound, we’re all destined for heaven. I tend to think God had it right when He said, “Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven.” Point blank, no explanation necessary.

When I think of Jacob, Peter, David, Noah and the other sinners God used for his message to be delivered, what they all had in common in the end, they had FAITH in God and ALL His works and needed no clarification. (google and wikipedia wasn’t on hand) so they HAD to become like little children tasting the truth on their tongues as newborn babes in purity and innocence.

I Walk with Him.

Rom. 1: 17 For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written, The just shall live by faith.