Endurance

The wheel... has endured the test of time

2 Cor. 4:16 "For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day."

Endurance

This post was going to be titled I’m Done, had it been written and posted yesterday. Instead, I chose to close down, go inside my head and feel the angst that I was being asked to endure. 

I had an extremely stressed filled month with my son seeking a job, the death in the family from chemo no less (I’m from the school cancer doesn’t kill, chemo does), and then there was hubby and his needed eye doctor appointment and a dental visit. Then there was me tossed in the middle with my illness and need to pick a new doctor. 

All of this came flurrying around my face like confetti from the sky. I blew it away as a wayward strand of hair falling in my face, but the stress had mounted and I could feel the shift, the pain, the hurt. I was trying so hard but it all came crashing around me and I was about ready to give up. I’m done, I said, I’m just done!

My thoughts and feelings were getting hard to catalog. I could not compartmentalize them, I had to face each one head on, I had to endure. I woke this morning with a swift slap in the face with a God moment. My Encouragement For The Day came via my Bible Gateway message. 

This is what greeted me today, first thing in the quiet of the morning:

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Wow, this is one not to be scanned over real quick; I was forced to read it after that intro. I went through word after word, the writer was a twenty-five-year breast cancer survivor and now after all of these years she’s faced with her daughter having to go through the same exact illness. She couldn’t protect her daughter from this event, they would just have to endure it, together. I’ll hit the high points of the email: Suffering produces endurance, Endurance produces character, character produces hope. 

There it is in a nutshell HOPE! I woke to hope! Yesterday I was done, I was giving up, I was just ready to shove a slice of pizza in my face, stop all supplements, have everyone laugh at me and say I told ya so, and I was making plans in my head to go home, to my Heavenly Home, that is. And I woke to this message of hope. What am I supposed to do with that? Endure and have continued hope is what!

2 Cor. 4:17-18 (KJV) “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Stress level on a scale of one to ten – nine! let’s go over it:

Me- In need of finding a doctor for this serious illness invading my body. (more on that in later posts)

My son – He found a really good job making good money and a week after he started, he asked for a week vacation at the end of July; a vacation to go to Kentucky to meet online friends. That’s what I taught him, run off and meet your online friends. He’s twenty-one and I cannot stop this train from going down the track, I have my own stress and seriously don’t need this, but it is what it is. He has a hard-as-a-rock head on his shoulders and I can’t say anything. (wow, he’s just like his mother!)

My hubby - An eye doctor’s appointment went well, but the eye doctor of eight years told us this would be the last time we’d see him. Shock, hurt, memories, everything came through the floodgates!

A funeral – Need I say more? His aunt succumbed to chemo.

The dentist – No insurance and a filling it wasn’t meant to be. I won’t say any more than that. This was the tip of the iceberg of a stressful month. Especially when the (doctor’s wife, hygienist) looked at me and asked if I was my husbands' mother. Insult after insult (my brother-in-law writes too, as a hobby, she says.) “Good thing you weren’t working so you could drive your husband to all of the doctor’s appointments.”  Slice after slice, cut, chop, throw me to the wolves. The wolf being a gray-haired, forty-five-year-old overworked mother. I was her target for the day and wonder how she even has the job she has.

I left in tears, wanting to just go home to the Lord. I’m done, I can’t handle this. I can’t handle all of the doubts coming through via my screen from people who say they support me but are really living Doubting Thomas’! The message of what to eat vs. what not to eat, what to take and what not to take, email after email asking to buy this cure in a bottle. No money has me deleting the majority of the supplement spiel.

I woke to find the email telling me to endure. To be filled with hope during a most trying time. To have faith where others wane. To stand tall and muddle through this thickened mire. It is my job to give hope and here I was being filled. I need a break from stress and worry. I need to stand in a downpour and release all that ails me. I need to embrace the journey and walk with hope in my hand.

The Holy Spirit flowing through us is God and His earthly blood/waters running through our veins. There is no doubting in the floodwaters. There may be pain, there sure will be stress, you’ll face trials of ignorance from the outside world but you’ll find the strength in God to endure, whatever it is you have to endure to get through another day.

Isa. 26:4 (KJV) “Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:”

I give all praise and Glory to God! 

Alleluia AMEN!

Why King James Version?

Prov. 30:5-6  Every word of God is pure: he is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.

Since first grade and my entry into a Catholic elementary school, I was introduced to the Word via the King James Bible. For countless years the King James Bible was my guide. I read it like it was the only book on my shelf from front to back and over and over again through the years.

In ninth grade I went to a Christian school and again, the use of the KJV bible was the one used for our bible studies. I hadn’t even heard of other translations of the bible but our Pastor at CLA (Christian Liberty Academy) told us of numerous ‘other’ translations that were out there and that we should steer clear lest we wanted to be led astray.

I remember one distinct day a conversation my sister and I were having as she was struggling in her faith. She asked me how I understood the bible so clearly when she herself found it so confusing. She knew of my love of poetry and I told her, “It is poetry to my eyes and ears.”

As you can imagine she looked even more confused by stating, “I just don’t get it.”

I personally don’t think the bible was written for us to ‘get’. I think it was written solely for us to feel! A new age guru did not write the words of the bible. He did not set out to explain every minute detail of every single word defining passages along the way. But in many of the NEW translations I feel that is what someone tried to do, write the bible more clearly so everyone could understand the Word it was speaking.

Even at our church, the KJV is frowned upon, seeking the word from the NIV because that was the most closely translated version of the KJV. Pastor Mike would often reference the KJV because the NIV didn’t have the clarity of the words. Many friends find the NIV an easier read, also. Can you all say, DIVIDED?

Does anyone realize that all these versions are simply dividing instead of what the Word intended on UNIFYING. When people hear that there are over 50 different versions of the Bible in the English language alone, they often think, "No wonder they are so divided.”

They might be wrong and they might be right. I’m not here to say who/what is wrong or right, I’m here to say what works for ME! And quite frankly, the King James version has worked for me for over 40 years now, so why would I want to conform to what other believers are believing and using? If the other translations work for you, that is fine, but my house, and me, we serve the Lord and I won’t let other translations cloud my enjoyment of the poetry it speaks to my heart and soul.

The one scripture that stands out to me that is too ‘changed’, and it’s not because of any Charlie Brown Christmas either, is the one from Luke.

KJV - Luke 2:8-14 And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

NIV – Luke 2:8-14  And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.  An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified.  But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.  This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

The entire scripture was changed! Did you notice that the NIV omitted the words CHRIST OUR LORD? Yes, I know Messiah the Lord means the same thing but WHY omit CHRIST? How is changing those three words more clearly defining the Word? I find that entire scripture sacrilegious! But then again, that is just ME! And just on whom does His favor rest?

As hard as satan tries to tug and pull me away from what CHRIST has shown me, I will not be led to his lies, fear and doubts he tries throwing at ME! I am SPIRIT-FILLED, not just a liver and believer. I am a follower of Christ and not ashamed of it in anyway way. But satan will have you believe otherwise through guilt, shame and doubt. Be aware of his tactics.
So why do I choose the King James Version? Because it is a poetic imprint on my soul that I just can’t shake and don’t want to either.
 
Follow what is on your heart and may God be with you at all times.

Self Doubt

“Just by going to Church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in the garage makes you a car.”

Joyce Meyer and others

*** 

Like the contagious flu going around, I hear self -doubt is going around too. It can be quite contagious if you don’t have a mask of protection on. Some people don’t feel they need a mask, but it is helpful in a germ-ridden world of self-doubt and non-believers.

I have lived with self- doubt most of my life. It’s a form of low self-esteem, which carried me for twenty years of a bad marriage. I was always closed off from the world, didn’t write (no computer) but you know what? That didn’t stop me from writing and healing myself.

I began meditating as a way to center my thoughts. Don’t get me wrong here, it does not go against my religious convictions, instead it walks WITH my religious faith.

Pss. 1: 2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

I can find may references to meditation so it isn’t some new age ritual. It’s been around for some time. I use meditation to get me focused on God and more important things like, ME! It is okay to focus on you, because that is where you’ll find the most healing transition in your life.

I grew up in a family of self-doubters and huggers of low self-esteem. We were not rooted in God, we were rooted in alcohol and abuse. It is all I knew. It was up to ME to change, ME, with a little (no, a lot) of help from God.

I waited on the Lord and twenty years later, drastic change came my way. What? Twenty years? Yes, I waited twenty years. God doesn’t give us a set date and time, so when I hear people say they waited a year and got nothing, I say, “A year? Really?”

I realize people don’t have twenty years to wait and your time may be less than mine. I was deep, deep in depression, the FEAR of failure and nonacceptance, that I ignored opportunities to grow. Being surrounded with the negative people didn’t help matters any. It wasn’t until I had a God-slap moment, that things took on a life of its own.

I stopped looking everywhere else for my healing, looked within and saw myself cradled in an all powerful love hug from God himself. I no longer looked outward, in say horoscopes, the extra terrestrial life that I suspected was out there, I had to look within and stayed focused on one thing, God. Yes it takes persistent practice, nail-biting downfalls, uplifting moments and guess what, PATIENCE!

I had read once (okay many times) that satan is an all too consuming power that will have you looking outward at these false things, so that you can’t focus on God. Made sense to me.

Maybe it was from the false belief, that God helps those, who help themselves. I’m sorry to disagree, but God helps the HELPLESS, the HOPELESS. God helps us all! Sure he’ll be your guide as you struggle to help yourself, but really, when you’re in a darkened pit, you do all you CAN to help yourself, and you just want to be freed from the pit, like Daniel in the Lion’s Den.

Ten years ago, God took me out of the pit and assured me He would be along on the journey. I left my home in Baltimore, ventured into the grand state of Texas, and never looked back at the life I left behind. I made it out of the pit of dysfunction and negativity, crawled on my hands and knees in a merciful fashion and was met with adversity and struggles, but now I realized, it was ME, not some strapped up prisoner afraid of everything.

My life changed. I got my license for the first time, was encouraged to do things on my own, like shopping for food! (I told you I was a prisoner) and slowly but surely layers of low self-esteem peeled away from me, like a banana yielding a delicious fruit! I was now a precious fruit in my own mind. Finally I shed self-doubt, and left it lying on the ground for someone to slip and fall on, because I wasn’t going back!

Sure I have doubts sometimes, but know, the more focused I am on God and my purpose, not facebook, twitter, Myspace or Pinterest, the more and more layers of doubt peel away. The more I don’t focus on what can be done today, like cleaning (all idle or idol distractions) or television, I woman up and do rightful things in the MOMENT, like WRITE!

Prayerful meditation will guide you gently in the here and now. Not in the failures or let downs, in the HERE and NOW! Once focused on the moment, you’ll see, you've accomplished something and wonder, “How’d I do that?”

To add to the opening quote: “Just because you believe in Christ, doesn’t make you a Christian, no more than believing in a horrorscope makes it the truth of your day.”  Joni Zipp

Write with Confidence

Job 4:6 Is not this thy fear, thy confidence, thy hope, and the uprightness of thy ways?
***

By now you all know I am one of eight mentor’s in the f2k, (Fiction 2000) free writing course on the web. It is a seven week course and I happen to come into contact with a lot of writer’s who lack confidence.

Some are young, some are old, some have never taken on writing before and are in search, in search of that elusive passion that has evaded their grip for so many years. I ask them what made them come to f2k and they are quick to say, I’ve always wanted to write but got sidetracked on the road to life.

But there in lies the lack of confidence. They’ve taken the leap but are now fearing  putting any of their work out there. Oh the students are full of questions like, “Suppose I’m a lousy writer?” And my response, “You’ll never know unless you get a bunch of non-partial readers to look it over.”

Then come the copyright questions along with plagiarism questions. Yes you are protected and YES it is illegal to plagiarize. And YES you will win a lawsuit if this is caught. I always say, if someone steals your work, they must think very little of themselves, and thus, lack the confidence that they need not only in writing, but in life in general!

Now the question surfaces, “How do I build confidence?” This is a tough one because if you are already suffering with low self esteem, doubtful and full of obstructions that will keep you from fully participating, then maybe you need more than a writing course can give you.

To build your confidence in writing:
 
First you need to write! - This can be anything from a journal style of writing, if you are new to the field, or a non-fiction piece or jump into fiction and create. Or maybe start a blog to get those fingers tapping.

Second - You need to toss doubt and fear out the window. Or put them in a closet somewhere far away from the other writings that you’ve hidden and never shared with the world.

Third - You need to be willing to jump without a parachute into the writing world. Leap into the unknown, bite nails later!

Fourth -  Get feedback on your writing and wait for the reviews. Keep in mind that these people are growing too as writers and you need to be able to GIVE feedback also. By seeing what YOU like in someone else’s writing, you’ll be more than likely able to pick out what you like in your own.

Fifth and final confidence builder - Plan in a positive fashion! Start building that portfolio, grow each day as a new writer, learn new words, skills, and a network of writing friends!

With these five tips, you should be well on your way to growing as a writer. The confidence will come in and sweep you off your feet and you my friend will begin to seek publication for your work because of the bunches of confidence that you now have to move forward with.

Write Right!

Poetry Sunday~ One Voice

Gen. 22:18 And in thy seed shall all the nations of the earth be blessed; because thou hast obeyed my voice.
***

One Voice
All rights reserved: copyright © Joni Zipp
I hear the voice in the still of the night
it whispers to me causing a fright
I toss and turn I can not sleep
this voice I hear is from the deep.

It wells within the heart of my being
sweltering my soul I wind up fleeing.
Alone in this world with nothing to hold
I straddle my fears as if I am bold.

I wallow in the shapeless city
there to smother in my own pity.
I know no one who’ll toss me a rope,
clinging here; relishing hope

The voice it says, “You must convey
your message to all so they’ll obey.”
but is my voice reaching the few
who need it the most, who haven’t a clue?

I’ll spread out my inspired word
in hopes one ear it will be heard.
Handling the message that I must give,
an awesome release of all I live.

One voice...
All rights reserved: copyright © Joni Zipp