The Bridge to Healing

Image by R.J. Hembree

used with permission

Psalm 27:7,9-10 (NIV)

Hear my voice when I call, O LORD; be merciful to me and answer me. ... Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger; you have been my helper. Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior. Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.

The Bridge to Healing

I look toward the end of the bridge and am shaken. I fear heights and have been over bridges like this in the past only to be shaken by a mean brother who loved seeing fear take hold of me and watching me cower on my knees, afraid to venture to the other side. When faced with a challenge, as a child, I often cowered, trying to wear a brave face.  When bullies attacked or when shame surrounded me like a little girl standing in the center of a cornfield, I would panic, shake, then drop to my knees, or run for my life.

I learned the hard way that you can't run forever and you also can't run over the bridge, unless you're a fearless soul. I'm not fearless, I'm human. I see this long bridge as a path to healing, fear on either side, but the beauty that lay up ahead when healing is complete. My journey with this disease began in confidence, fear was far from me as I started the trek across the sturdy wooden bridge. Then it hit me almost a year into my confident walk, I looked down instead of ahead, midway across the bridge.

I looked forward, I looked behind me, I was shaken and stirred as if someone was with me on the bridge trying to throw me from the path that I was on. My hair swirled around me as I kept looking back and forth, confidence stored in the clouds, fear in the rushing waters below. I was frozen. Mid-December I became less and less confident, my pain rose, my ability to focus waned. Surrounded by positive and negative vibrations, all meshed together and I was cowering in the center of the bridge, halfway to my destination. How could this happen, how could I lose the very confidence I started over the bridge with, what happened?

I know what happened; every pain, every lump and bump were echoing sounds from below in the rushing river. I looked over the edge and it crumbled me as it had in the past. I was staring death straight in the face, in my mind. I couldn't let go, no one was there to save me. No one was there to rebuild my confidence. Prayers continued for me but I felt that they were too far away for me in the trembling of my knees.

Then I remembered the clouds; the clouds that lined the end of the bridge, that feathered over the sky as protection from the baking sun. What I was seeking was not below in rushing waters, in echoing fears, in rocky mountains, what I was after was the healing that only my God above could restore. A month, two months passed and I was growing weary just crumbled in the middle of the bridge, I needed to rise and peer at the sky and remember the reason all of this took place to begin with. 

Someone walked onto the bridge in a tip-toe fashion and handed me a cane then went on to the other side where they stood motioning me forward. Me, I was slowly rebuilding confidence, my pain was easing, my knees more steady as I stood and began to take a step toward the end of the bridge. I was powering onto the finish line where friends were now cheering me on. The fog had lifted and I could see their faces at the end of the bridge. Looking around was no longer scary, it was becoming a part of the journey, it was fine tuning my eye to the promise of healing.

The cane slowly slipped from my hands as I was no longer in need of the crutch. The worn wood no longer held slivers of fear between them, they held solidarity in my foothold. The end looked like the promise I was guaranteed by the Lord Himself. The sky held beauty and with each step, I went forward to the healing that all were anticipating.

Moral of the story: Don't let fear stop you from moving ahead in your journey. Don't let the vibration pull of positivity and negativity own you and blanket you in fear. Grab hold of the reins of confidence and drown out the rushing waters below; listen to the sounds hidden in the clouds that only a fined tuned eye can see and ears can hear.

Ez. 12:2 “Son of man, thou dwellest in the midst of a rebellious house, which have eyes to see, and see not; they have ears to hear, and hear not: for they are a rebellious house.”

Total Surrender

Romans 8:28 KJV “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

 “I may be down but don’t you DARE count me out!” ~ Joni

Total Surrender

Even I didn’t understand total surrender. Sometimes I think I have it down but God reminds me all too often that I am not much unlike Job, I lack patience.

Two days this week I’ve woken with so much pain, just trying to step into the shower was not an option. My legs and back were riddled with torment, cane in hand it took everything I had just to make it to the bathroom. I’ve cried a lot this week, in pain, anger, bitterness, and confusion. What happened? I was feeling good and moving right along and it was all taken away in a matter of days.

I didn’t allow fear and doubt to surface instead what arose was impatience. That to me is just as bad as insecurity, doubt and fear. One thing that I still have is my writing. Even when I just want to curl in a ball God reminds me that He gave me a talent and that I shouldn’t just use it for sharing my words with the world, it is a tool in my healing arsenal too. I don’t write for clicks and comments I write to release. 

My morning ritual still consists of reading my bible. I don’t care how much pain I’m in, the bible is like a comfortable pillow that softens the blow of a setback. I read my Encouragement For Today by Bible Gateway, then immerse myself in the scriptures that are used throughout the email. Only recently have I felt that is wasn’t enough so I signed up for a new email, Crosswalk.

“Job didn’t understand why he had to suffer so much. So, throughout the book of Job, we see him expressing heartache and anger at the pain and suffering God was allowing. We also see evidence of his impatience regarding how long it was taking God to bring about restoration." -Excerpt from Bible Gateway

Yesterday was another pain-filled day and my bible was my only source of relief. I read my Bible Gateway and there sat a message for me (all too often this happens), directed right at my soul! It was about total surrender and talked about Job and his impatience. It also spoke of endurance.

I thought nothing of it and went on with writing, not reading my Crosswalk email because I was caught up in reading the word and writing my post but I still wasn’t getting the message of Total Surrender, I thought I already understood but apparently God knows more than me and I was led to read Crosswalk. What I found there was a rare event! The same exact story by Tracie Miles – God Can Restore What’s Lost and Broken.

Here’s an excerpt, used without permission, but giving Tracie Miles full credit! 

“Yet through it all — and despite his human emotions — Job never doubted that full surrender and trust was necessary. In Job 1:21b he even says, “The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!” Despite his suffering, he trusted God’s will for his life and continued to praise Him. As a result, not only did Job’s faith soar, but his life did as well.” ~Tracie Miles, Bible Gateway AND Crosswalk

As a writer, I found it odd that TWO different emails would publish the same exact story on the same day! They’ve been different for weeks now, what was it about today that needed them to both be in sync? Me! Yup, that’s right! I NEEDED to understand the meaning that passed me by, evidently, of Total Surrender!

When I cried out, “What happened to me? Why am I in such pain?” He responded with Total Surrender! THAT is what I was lacking, not a vitamin or supplement, I was lacking giving it all to God and being patient in His response. I was too comfortable in my dependency on God and in all honesty I think I may have had an air of certainty, arrogance and possibly vanity.

Last night at 8:30 a knock at the door came and it was UPS. He had my neck traction device! I squealed with joy and quickly opened the package and put it to use. This morning I woke, after just thirty minutes of the device last night, I felt rejuvenated. Oh, there will be more sittings with my device, and more pain as I go along, but today after yesterday’s realization of what I was doing wrong, I woke with HOPE! Optimism that today is a new day!

With hope on my shoulder, the air of overconfidence shifted, and a new day of what Total Surrender looks like, I move forward.

May God be with you ALL!

Yesterday’s other scripture verse for me. Not coincidental!

Romans 4:18-21 (NIV) “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead -- since he was about a hundred years old -- and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”

Gateway to Health: Confidence

Pss. 118:8 “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”

Confidence

Throughout scripture, I can find dozens of verses building me with the confidence I need to move forward. Ones where God promises to never let me down in times of trouble (and when there is no trouble also). 

As a child, I lacked confidence and had very low self-esteem. I had no confidence in moving from one day to the next. Suicidal thoughts were my companions throughout many years of my life. Venturing into a strained marriage as a child at seventeen, left me carrying the burden of a mental illness that I felt consumed him more than me. I told myself that I was the strong one. In hindsight I realize I was just as crazy as him. 

My first sexual encounter with him was that of statutory rape as I was fifteen and he was nineteen. But since I had been sexually abused years prior, I didn’t know the difference in sex and love they meshed like clouds and sun. Sex down by the grainy railroad tracks was not my idea of an ideal love story in the making but I went on for twenty years married to him all in the name of love. I guess I was as warped as him. My question all along was, would God save me? Would He get me out of this mess I got myself into? 

God enabled me to be free of the disaster of a marriage with a young child in tow and an angel that had passed over when I was sixteen. My hard knocks crippling marriage would have come to an end even if I was the only one who saw the enduring mental illness that carried the marriage into the roadblock that awaited us. 

Confidence was never my friend. I saw other girls, and then women look like torches in the darkened night, going forward with their hair blowing in the wind. They were free to carry the light and they did so with grace and confidence even if their inner turmoil was present, they had families supporting them, friends surrounding their inner circle, and they might have had a God that guided them. I don't know but from the outside looking in, they were the epitome of confidence.

Matt. 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

My fairytale was never so elegant. Mine was crawling in the pits of ashes, clawing my way from one disaster to another. Yes, I had God by my side, but what I didn’t have was two or three gathered. I was alone and lonely in my mind most of my childhood and adult life and the fight was my own while everyone else was floating forward in life. I was scraping my knees to get by, nothing more; I lived only to one day die.

Then in 2002 things began to change. Life was breathed into me. I felt a new reason to live and that was the fairytale kind of love that knocked on my door; all I had to do was leave everything (EVERYTHING, except my child) behind and go forward. I was no longer on my knees; I was being whisked away by the light and love that other people, the floaters, experienced. Leaving the alcohol and drug-induced dysfunctional family behind was a little easier than I  had ever imagined. 

To say that the next fifteen years were an easy breeze would not be true. I had to adapt to a new way of living; new family to embrace. Living six years in Texas was just the cocoon phase of my metamorphosis. I would be part of a team, him and I; I would be enmeshed in my dream of the writing world, I would love and be loved back, maybe for the first time in my life! Granted my family back home loved me, to an extent, I was out of sight and thus out of their mind. 

My heart and life grew ten sizes too big when he and I were forced to move to Nebraska, the hometown of my hubby and his ever-loving God enriched family. This was everything I ever sought in life, to love and be loved. I had online friends who grew into a family to me; I had spiritual friends who I knew were only brought to me by the hand of God himself. I had family that was close by and that accepted me with all my quirkiness and tales in tow, they all loved me!

This might sound a little crazy coming out of left field but this disease is just one of the best things ever to happen to me. How many of you can say that? I was given a second chance to embrace life. Change the things I KNEW were wrong. I'm allowing people to see that there is confidence in being supported one way or another. Support is not people saying, ‘Oh I’m so sorry this is happening to you,’ support is people watching you walk through the coals of fire and standing on the sidelines saying they know you can do it, thatta girl, way to go!

When this diagnosis smacked me in the face I wanted to live like never before. I wanted God to use me for His purpose and maybe this time with the support of spiritual friends and marital family, and my niece Sara from back home, I wouldn’t be alone in my walk. They would surround me with the support I needed and I would now be the torchbearer walking forward in confidence leading them with the Light I carry.

Pss 118: 5-6 “I called upon the Lord in distress: the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?”

Gateway To Health: The Journey

Rom. 8:25  “But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it.”

Gateway to Health: The Journey

On this journey, have I always been filled with confidence? By no means! No one can get a life-altering diagnosis and walk away being filled with confidence. I can honestly say that the only thing that I had the utmost confidence in was God and His promises. I kept that front and center of my mind before I took the initial step of Natural Healing as opposed to chemical healing.

2 Cor. 4:7 “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.”

The first day after the diagnosis I sat in tears for hours on end. I felt for sure my eyes would burst from all the stress I put on them in one day. This was my day of mourning; the day that I put my past unhealthy life behind me and started off on a new journey. With staff in hand, I arose the next day with a mission, a mission of life-altering change! If you remember my former posts you’ll know the staff was needed for balance. My balance wasn’t so great so off I went…

My first line of defense was knowledge and understanding meaning a massive amount of research in what was going on in the disease world, specifically the Disease of Fear. Yup, that’s what cancer is, a disease of fear. That was one of the first things I learned on my step into the future. The disease is wrought with fear, chemicals, drugs, and misdiagnosis. To regain HEALTH, I had to wipe that off the slate right away and keep moving forward.

Some people will say that the disease is not one of fear but they’d be lying to themselves. It’s okay to lie to yourself but I went into this illness with TRUTH. God is my truth and God would guide me. Good or bad, I would accept whatever and wherever I landed. I landed on The Truth About Cancer page as well as Chris Wark’s page ChrisBeatCancer. Why would God lead me here if chemo and fear were the right routes to go, FOR ME?

Reading through these two sites (and many, many more I might add) I was being armored to go against what oncologists demanded of me. Demanded! They were not giving me anything but demands and fear-ridden protocols. When I asked for time to think it over, they demanded I make a decision right then and there or I would DIE! I smelled fear but once again I had to shrug it off and walk on and trust my instincts and most of all trust God.

Some will say, ‘how do you put so much trust and faith in a God that might or might not exist?’ Well let me tell you, I believe He created me, so if He wanted to take me away from this earth he could very well do so and he’s left me here this long. My entire life has been shaped and built on faith and trust in God, why would I NOT trust him now? Why would He let me down, NOW? Because this disease is a life or death matter? I digress, ALL of our lives are life and death, this diagnosis doesn’t change that.

Onto the next leg of the journey, drastically changing where the cause of this illness began, food, stress, and mind. One at a time I went through changing the food protocol, (plant-based for six months) NO CHEATING! And that includes sugars, carbs, and processed foods! 

The mind is a powerful organism. It can make or break you. If you don’t work hard to release the traumatic stress in your life that you subconsciously hold onto, you might as well go the chemo route because nothing will work for you. That’s how vital stress is to this disease or any illness for that matter. 

I was now dressed to change my life or die, I chose life. God chose life for me so the least I can do for Him is choose life also. I watch as so many people are given a life-altering diagnosis, like heart disease and the doctor says, change your diet, and no one does, just give them a drug to keep their heart ticking. Diabetes, the doctor says change your diet, and no one does, just give me a pill to keep my blood pumping. Obesity, change your diet but you say it’s too hard, give me a pill to help me along. Arthritis, change your diet. Psoriasis, change your diet. Do you see the pattern? But for cancer, the doctor NEVER says change your diet! But EVERY website I landed on pointed directly TO the diet! This is the only time in my life that I’ve found YouTube to be vital to aiding me in my healing plan. Using your Immune System to Fight Cancer was just another informative lesson for me to heal.


I am not in the fight for my life, I am on the journey of a lifetime, bringing about the change necessary to LIVE and THRIVE! While the doctors have all abandoned me, and me being in a state that doesn’t support LIFE, it supports doctors and pharmaceutical companies, money and greed, not HEALTH! The only One I can trust on this journey is my FAITH, my God, and my eternal Spirit!

While doctors are only given eight hours of training on nutrition and health, they don’t see the healing power of  ‘you are what you eat’. Their years of training are to pinpoint the illness and medicate. Some will tell you to change your diet and medicate at the same time instead of seeing if it is the overindulgence of bad eating habits that is the CAUSE of the illness or disease you’re experiencing. I think they know you won’t change and would rather stay the same and become dependent upon medication, they’re banking on that.

You may be too far gone to change (I don’t believe that, I do believe you won’t EMBRACE change, even when your life depends on it) and you may be in a state that is for the patient and not against the patient. We all have a CHOICE in the matter, that’s the greatest thing and even with this diagnosis, I CHOOSE LIFE! I am embracing the necessary changes to healthy living. My life depends on it! Your life depends on it. It’s what we do with that knowledge that brings us to the Gateway to HEALTH.

I live with the patience to endure day after day. I’m healthy, I’m alive and the change is worth a few added years to my lifespan. The only way I’m going out of this world is if God decides He needs me more there than doing my work here.


Rom 8:26-31 “Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what is the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren.
Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

Going With Confidence?

Ps. 118:8 “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”

Going with Confidence?

I say this amid a week of doubts and uncertainty. While I still feel assured doing what I’m doing is the right thing, there are those days that doubt creeps in like the mouse you never knew you had peeks his head out as a crumb falls to the floor. You didn’t know it was there but sure enough, his eyes meet yours and he scurries away.

Here I am five days away from Christmas. The weather has been unseasonably warm, the winds brutal and just like Christmas itself will arrive, so will old man winter awaken on the twenty-first of December to give us our first real winter cold spell.

I’m going to be honest here, I don’t think I’m ready for the family gathering. I’ve noticed here lately it is getting harder to pass up those sweet treats, drinks and toxic (to me) foods. I do, but it feels harder than when this all began eleven months ago.

I caved last week after going through the entire food store full of Christmas cookies, eggnog, sprinkle-topped sugar cookies of seasonal red and green colors, biscuits and breads, turkeys and hams. I rounded the freezer section and WHAM there it was – a pizza – Maximus Supremus it said, with a window to gaze at the topping filled pizza. It somehow jumped into my cart and to my husbands' amazed eyes he questioned my choice. “I want pizza!” I exclaimed with tear-rimmed eyes and made it to checkout with pizza in tow.

That night for dinner I gobbled five pieces of the delicious cheese-filled topping exploding pizza after shoveling the small slices in my mouth savoring every single bite. Not without guilt, I might add because yes, the measly two pieces that were left, I left for my son to eat. Eleven months of not caving and cheating on my protocol went out the window for a brief moment in time when I indulged in satisfying my flesh! I caved!

While my husband himself has remarkably slowly given up his addiction to sugar and Pepsi, not for me, for his own health, still can eat what he wants. Most of the time the Doritos, or cheese and crackers, or the three-flavored popcorn in a tin, doesn’t bother me, but here lately with the facebook walls lighting up with sugar cookies and toxins that would kill me paint the walls in hopes of satisfying the ones that they will only slowly kill. 

The holiday is all about food and family here. It’s not about exchanging gifts, it’s not about seeing family you haven’t seen all year, it’s about getting together and sharing a meal. I remember last year on Christmas we were hit with a torrential downpour with hail, lightning and thunder crashing all around the vehicle almost keeping us from the visit. But we made it to our destination safely and of course, we had a great time. Their concern (after seeing we all made it) was wanting to know how I was doing and I basically said fine and that I’d have a doctor visit and would know more. And boy did I ever learn more. At the time I thought I was suffering from MS but little did I know it was much worse.

This year we’re going to be hit with a seasonal cold spell! Twenty-three degree high is predicted for Christmas Day. While many across the nation have already dealt with the blustery cold and snowy season, the fifties have spoiled us. This tiny woman, forty pounds lighter, might feel the biting cold more than I have in the nine years since I’ve been in Nebraska.

While I feel I’m doing well, I don’t feel ready to be seated around a table full of delicious smelling food that in years past I ate and enjoyed. I have to watch as people overload their plates, go for seconds, complain about needing to lose weight as they head to the dessert table and proceed to get two helpings. I have to remain silent as people overindulge, laugh and chuckle as they fill their faces, while I can’t as I’m writhing, holding back tears. I am going to need iron strength not to carry the bitter taste in my mouth that I have right at this moment.

Will this stop me from fighting my fight with everything I have? By no means! I am not faltering just because a Christmas party declares I NEED to eat the toxic (to ME) food served. I declare that I have at least twenty years left in me, assuming the world even lasts that long. I have a spiritual family online that loves and cares that I succeed and will lend me prayers where I need. I know I may come off as confident and secure but know, there are times I break, I cry, I pout, then remember to whom this season belongs to and am reminded that my strength lies in Him! I will go in confidence only because I know I am loved. 

Prov. 3:26 “For the LORD shall be thy confidence, and shall keep thy foot from being taken.”

Merry Christmas my Spiritual Family! I am counting on your prayers to carry me through with confidence! God Bless Everyone!

Elaine DeBoucher made this for me

Don't Give Up!

Pss.4:1 “Hear me when I call, O God of my righteousness: thou hast enlarged me when I was in distress; have mercy upon me, and hear my prayer.”

So many mornings I rise from bed forgetting I’m disabled and I stumble out of the bedroom door almost tripping over my sleeping dog. When my eyes fully open and the pain kisses me good morning, I remember I’m disabled and go over what it means to me on that given day.

I could return to the bedroom, plop down on the bed and pull the covers over my head but I won’t allow myself to get to that place where I don’t want to face the day. I’m not giving up that easy. I don’t know if it is right or wrong but I start to think of the people who have it so much worse than me.

There are people who wake up and need assistance getting up. There are people who need an aid with them twenty-four hours a day. What I’m saying is that there are people much worse off than me and here I am dealing, okay?

I’m here to tell you, DON’T GIVE UP! There is always, someone somewhere out there dealing with a life that is much worse than the one you’re dealing with. Often it doesn’t feel like there could be anyone or anything out there in the world with a situation or health problem worse than yours but really look around you, intently digging for someone who is a little worse off, or extremely worse off. 

It can be as extreme as the homeless man living under the bridge in a cardboard box with sores crawling up his body that needs medical attention but is not getting the help he needs. It could be the single lady down the street with a full-time job, and five kids who doesn’t have enough food to feed the family and no husband/father around to assist. It could also be someone as simple as the man raging passed you on the road, eager to leave you in his dust, that is worse off than you. 

When we’re off climbing our own mountain, struggling with each step, we rarely look around us to take note of who might have it worse off than us. Imagine climbing a mountain in a wheelchair. You might see it as impossible to do any climbing but to the person in a wheelchair, they’re climbing mountains on a daily basis that you or I might have thought impossible. 

It’s all in perception. We live in a world where everyone is always thinking about themselves and how bad it is for them. From a selfish perspective, they are worse off than ANYONE they look at when in reality, there is always someone struggling just a little bit harder than you.

About a month ago, my mother-in-law unintentionally hurt my feelings. I had said how uneasy I felt with my husband and son off at work and I’m alone to do ALL of the chores (in my disabled capacity) especially mowing the lawn. “Well, I mow my own lawn.” Yes she knows of my inability to walk well and yes she knows my age but she was comparing me to her, an almost 70-year-old. 

It hurt only in the fact that I sat envious for a moment. Like when hubby and I went to WalMart and I sat in the car under a shade tree. I watched as older women unloaded their groceries from the cart into their vehicle. I sat with tears welling in my eyes; I sat with a tissue in hand pacifying the tears and pitying myself. 

After getting over myself I fought! I fought tooth and nail not to see myself as a weak individual! Sure the immense ninety-degree heat would hinder my outside chores but I would not allow anything to hinder my inside chores! I can write, vacuum, wash clothes, cook, clean; I can do a lot of stuff others only wish they could do and instead of pity, they have my empathy. I totally relate to all you can and cannot do on a new level.

Instead of resentment of the older folk doing more than me, I now felt contentedness in knowing that God is taking care of them and has enabled them to do and live as long as they have. They’re out there overcoming the mountain and it filled me with delight. Just so you know, God is taking care of me too, just in a different way and I’m okay with that. 

I remember years ago when I had to take care of my grandmother after she had a stroke. She was wheelchair bound and full of negativity and actually resented me for my peppiness and positive view on life. Here I was full of life and she felt her over active lifestyle was taken away at too young an age, she was eighty when she had her stroke, and she gave up trying almost immediately after being released from the Physical Therapy Hospital she had been placed.

Years later while on her deathbed when I called to speak to her, (I was in Texas, a million miles away it seemed) she asked for my forgiveness in the way she had treated me when I cared for her. She was remorseful and she let me know that she loved me but she was now afraid to die. Her not having a religious bone in her body, I assured her that God would take care of her and I felt with every fiber of my being, that He would/did! 
“How do you know?” she asked. 
“He doesn’t give up on anyone!” I assured her.

I felt confident in saying that God doesn’t give up because it is my faith to believe. If you don’t give up, God surely won’t give up on you in your desperate time of need. In self-pity, in selfish envy, in pride and shame, He doesn’t give up, nor should YOU!

Matt. 18:33 “Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellow servant, even as I had pity on thee?”

Enough is Enough

Exodus 15:6 “Thy right hand, O LORD, is become glorious in power: thy right hand, O LORD, hath dashed in pieces the enemy.”

There comes a time in life when you have to just say enough is enough! What am I referring to? Being too nice. I’ve hit a stumbling block where being too nice oftentimes gives people the false impression that they can use and abuse my niceness and I’m left standing defending myself from an enemy I didn’t welcome.

Sometimes I can be an inspiration, encouraging, a guide and most definitely a friend. But there are people who will take advantage of that niceness relinquishing me to not wanting to ever help and be nice. That’s just wrong.

I have been with my husband for over thirteen years and he is MY strength, MY inspiration and MY reason to be who I am! If it were not for him I would have never had the confidence to write, to share, to give, and guide. And do you know the one thing he gave me the most of, his trust!

My ex never trusted me explicitly and with my husband I have 100% trust and because of that I’ve grown. The only setback is that I’ve grown too much, too nice, too naïve, too trusting of others when in reality I should always keep my guard up and be on the lookout for the enemy who wishes to gain entrance into this pure soul.

Have you ever sat outside on a warm summer evening and saw lightning bugs lighting up the night? Your first instinct (for some) is to catch one of those bugs, place it in a jar and just enjoy the beauty of such a little thing lighting the night. I don’t say this conceitedly but from my experiences with the world, I think myself a lightning bug (to some). They see my light whether it is in my writing or something I’ve said and they have a forehead-slapping moment and want to contain me in a little jar.

I’m sorry friends, my light is so bright it cannot be contained. That’s like saying you can write the entire Bible in one sentence, it just can’t happen. When someone says I’m a beautiful person, I think they are really seeing the beauty of the Lord shining through me, not my physical appearance. They see the pureness that the Lord instills in me and they too want the same thing. Yes, this is why I said I don’t say these words conceitedly, because I see the Light shining from others as well.

My last post was about the Walking Dead – Zombies if you will. Again, the definition of a zombie: a.the body of a dead person given the semblance of life, but mute and will-less, by a supernatural force, usually for some evil purpose.

b. the supernatural force itself.

We live in a world where people appear to be human but really they are guided by a supernatural force, a dark force. We can see it, just as the lightning bugs fly around at night; we can also see the bats swooping down to eat them.

While I love watching the bats, I never cower because they are there, I’m just cautiously aware of their presence. I have to be this way with humans too who think they are above all forces of nature.

So to you my friends I’ll say, while we’re living in evil times, never cower because someone or something wants to snatch out that light within you. Instead trudge on and shine brighter than before and pull all the forces of Light around you. Not only will your friends shelter you with their armor, the armor of God will boldly protect you as well as His blinding shield of Light!

God is real! God is good! God is faithful! God is my strength! God is my shield! God is love! Most of all: God is ALIVE! ~Amen!

1 Cor. 15:22 “For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.”

The Confident Writer

You don't have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great.
Les Brown

***

I have noticed that a lot of newcomers come into the writing world lacking confidence. I don’t know if its their age, immaturity, low self esteem, or lack of confidence in their writing ability, but these folks need to learn from the ground up. Their first step is to join a writing community. This is where they take that first baby-step.

I’ve watched many join a writing community that are well versed, well spoken and darn good writers, still they lack the confidence needed to get them to the next level, and that is, publication! So they meander around the writing site, setting their writing free to the writing community, and get accolades on their writing and in essence get their confidence built up!

Now with the ‘newbies’ they call them, they are testing the water, dipping a toe in, seeing if it is warm enough to go swimming with the, I’ll call them ‘oldies’. The oldies are going to show the newbies the ropes and hopefully lead them in the right direction with their writing. Now some oldies are just as unprofessional and unconfident, so I think that is giving the newbs false leadership because then when the newbs decide the water IS nice warm and safe, they find they’ve jumped into shark infested waters that the oldies never warned them of at all!

Confidence is opening a vein. Have you ever walked into a crowded room, all eyes were on you, and your stomach started churning and gurgling? You stood there with beads of sweat starting to form on your brow and the palms of your hands were sweaty? That is your lack of confidence rearing it’s ugly head trying to get you to bolt right out the door. But in your confidence, you stand and walk through the throngs of people with a gentle smile, and you look at the people, straight in the eyes, and make your way to the buffet table!

A confident writer is one who has written a tale, has read the story and maybe even revised it, walks into his classroom and delivers one of the most outstanding short stories the people have ever read. They attack the grammar, fix a few sentences, tear apart your spellbinding work and you, you walk away from the buffet table feeling full as if you have eaten the entire table. Your peers liked your work so much, they felt it worthy to straighten a few things out with you. The confident writer goes back to the table, takes all of their advice, reshapes, re-forms the tale and brings it back to the classroom shiny and new.

They love it! Now the confident writer seeks a market for the story. Searches and searches until they have found a home for it, and when (not if) it gets published, you go back to your peers and they all let out a roaring clap and congratulate you.

Now the not-so-confident writer fears even pulling her/his work out for everyone to see. They’re the ones who either bolt out the door as soon as the eyes are upon them. Or they walk slowly to the buffet table, head lowered, never seeking eye contact with one individual. They eat (read others work), they nibble (give a little feedback) they mingle (befriend and enjoy the camaraderie), and soon, after seeing that the people are all just like him/her/them, the confidence starts to build and slowly but surely, they are sharing their work.

Whether good or bad, you will never ever get an ounce of confidence if you don’t walk in the door, and take a big old chomp out of what scares you the most! With fear you will always remain a newbie in a world of popular confident people.

My entire point here is this: Share your writing with confidence! Or you will remain a fearful newbie writer for a good long time!

Write On!

If you have an hour, will you not improve that hour, instead of idling it away?
Lord Chesterfield
***

The world of writing is all about writing. Trying so hard to over please people, clicking the LIKE button one hundred times a day, does not make people LIKE YOU more it makes you pitied more. I have joined a couple of new writing sites where a like button is obscure. And the one site that does have a like button I haven’t seen anyone going down the board clicking like to something as simple as “my dog died”. You know these people don’t even read what they are clicking like to, they just want to BE liked and are over compensating while looking a little foolish.

No this isn’t at facebook that I’m speaking of, this is just my observance elsewhere on the net. A site that I no longer promote because honestly, its an embarrassment and I would not refer a professional, only for them to lose money because that is what they sought, a professional writing atmosphere.

Writing takes focus, writing takes commitment, writing is the breath of you and there will come a time when you can like your way into peoples lives, and some will buy it, but professionals won’t. A professional writing site is focused on your writing, your creativity, your story and structure, they don’t need the like button because everyone is equal!

That is what I seek in my writing journey, like minded people, who are creating and crafting stories, willing to give honest feedback, and are a comfort to wake up to, not a big scare. I laid my dream on the line, now I’m going after it without all the idle distractions of the day.

What will you do this new year to make your writing dream come true? Will you waste it trying to be liked? Or are you going to write, snag that keyboard by the keys and begin tapping ‘til your fingers bleed? You betcha!

Things to get you focused on WRITING:

1. Open your MS word, or whatever program you use, and begin with...”The clouds swept over the house...” or something to that affect. I notice if I open with an action line, many other words start to flow that I didn’t even know I was sitting down to write!

2. Disconnect from the internet! That is one of the main distractions to writing and that is the internet, looming in your browser, if it is open, you are more tempted to be distracted from it!

3. Focus on writing AT LEAST 500 words at one sitting. When you take away the distractions, more times than not, you can produce more than 500 words at a sitting.

4. Open the internet but only for research reasons! We may have written a 1500 word short story and need to do a reference check or something. Be strong, and focus on RESEARCH!!!

5. Have confidence in yourself. You DO NOT need a Social Scene to boost your moral, or to get you writing. If you honestly go there to boost your writing, then why all the LIKES? You are not focusing on writing, you’re more focused on being accepted, popular and LIKED. In the WRITING world, focus on WRITING!!!


So there you have it, all the tools TO WRITE! Writing software, focus, NO INTERNET, research tools, and most importantly, confidence in yourSELF! Now WRITE ON!!!

What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself.
Hecato, Greek philosopher

Quotation Saturday

VANITY ~

Job 15: 31 Let not him that is deceived trust in vanity: for vanity shall be his recompence.
 
Ps. 4:2 O ye sons of men, how long will ye turn my glory into shame? how long will ye love vanity, and seek after leasing? Selah.
 
Pr. 30:8 Remove far from me vanity and lies: give me neither poverty nor riches; feed me with food convenient for me:
 
Is. 58: 9 Then shalt thou call, and the LORD shall answer; thou shalt cry, and he shall say, Here I am. If thou take away from the midst of thee the yoke, the putting forth of the finger, and speaking vanity;
 
Vanity is so secure in the heart of man that everyone wants to be admired: even I who write this, and you who read this.
~Blaise Pascal

Without this ridiculous vanity that takes the form of self-display, and is part of everything and everyone, we would see nothing, and nothing would exist.
~Antonio Porchia, Voces, 1943
 
Cure yourself of the affliction of caring how you appear to others. Concern yourself only with how you appear before God, concern yourself only with the idea that God may have of you.
~Miguel De Unamuno

CONFIDENCE

A successful person is one who can lay a firm foundation with the bricks that others throw at him or her.
~David Brinkley
 
If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
~Vincent Van Gogh
 
Let me never fall into the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted whenever I am contradicted.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.
~Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
 
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
~Anaïs Nin, Diary, 1969
 
Vanity is pride walking with newly dyed hair, fake fingernails, along with a boastful attitude. Confidence is knowing vanity is buried, and people see the REAL beauty in you shining through! 
~Joni Zipp

Write with Confidence

Job 4:6 Is not this thy fear, thy confidence, thy hope, and the uprightness of thy ways?
***

By now you all know I am one of eight mentor’s in the f2k, (Fiction 2000) free writing course on the web. It is a seven week course and I happen to come into contact with a lot of writer’s who lack confidence.

Some are young, some are old, some have never taken on writing before and are in search, in search of that elusive passion that has evaded their grip for so many years. I ask them what made them come to f2k and they are quick to say, I’ve always wanted to write but got sidetracked on the road to life.

But there in lies the lack of confidence. They’ve taken the leap but are now fearing  putting any of their work out there. Oh the students are full of questions like, “Suppose I’m a lousy writer?” And my response, “You’ll never know unless you get a bunch of non-partial readers to look it over.”

Then come the copyright questions along with plagiarism questions. Yes you are protected and YES it is illegal to plagiarize. And YES you will win a lawsuit if this is caught. I always say, if someone steals your work, they must think very little of themselves, and thus, lack the confidence that they need not only in writing, but in life in general!

Now the question surfaces, “How do I build confidence?” This is a tough one because if you are already suffering with low self esteem, doubtful and full of obstructions that will keep you from fully participating, then maybe you need more than a writing course can give you.

To build your confidence in writing:
 
First you need to write! - This can be anything from a journal style of writing, if you are new to the field, or a non-fiction piece or jump into fiction and create. Or maybe start a blog to get those fingers tapping.

Second - You need to toss doubt and fear out the window. Or put them in a closet somewhere far away from the other writings that you’ve hidden and never shared with the world.

Third - You need to be willing to jump without a parachute into the writing world. Leap into the unknown, bite nails later!

Fourth -  Get feedback on your writing and wait for the reviews. Keep in mind that these people are growing too as writers and you need to be able to GIVE feedback also. By seeing what YOU like in someone else’s writing, you’ll be more than likely able to pick out what you like in your own.

Fifth and final confidence builder - Plan in a positive fashion! Start building that portfolio, grow each day as a new writer, learn new words, skills, and a network of writing friends!

With these five tips, you should be well on your way to growing as a writer. The confidence will come in and sweep you off your feet and you my friend will begin to seek publication for your work because of the bunches of confidence that you now have to move forward with.

Write Right!

Courage!

Cowardly Lion: What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?
Scarecrow,Tinman and Dorothy in unison: COURAGE!
***

Every time I hear the word courage, I can not help but think of the cowardly lion with his portly round face, long black whiskers, bouncing curly mane, holding the end of his tasseled tail in his hands saying, “I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself.” Crying to Dorothy over and over, you could almost feel sorry for the poor thing.

But we know that Lions are the king of the jungle, right? And they're fierce hunters, always coming out on top. That’s what writers need to be, courageous to a fault. We can’t just sit back and diminish all of our hard work. We can’t sputter around repeating, I’m no good, I haven’t any courage to be a writer.

When you start off with that mindset, your essence of being begins to believe those very words. They cling to you like gum on a shoe. I’m telling you, the more you doubt yourself, the stronger and stronger the pull will be to keep you from ever becoming all that you were meant to be as a writer.

It is never easy being courageous, the easy way of the timid mouse is much easier, crawling in a hole, sneaking out for a bite of cheese. Is that the kind of writer you intend on being, a cute little country mouse? I don’t think so because those writers might have their one story of fame like Harper Lee, who wrote one book To Kill a Mockingbird, sold millions, and left two unfinished novels in her wake. She never felt good enough I imagine, even after the acclaim.

I don’t know the secret to courage. I do know courage is a scary thing that means facing fear head on with your chin UP. Walking into a burning building to save a child, jumping into icy waters to save a dog from freezing and dying, running into a flaming tower while it’s about to collapse, that all takes courage. Here, all I’m asking is for writers to write and brave the storm of rejection. Think about it, it doesn’t really take courage but it might be considered as such if writing and submitting is your fear.

Writing takes courage because you’re putting your heartstrings on a page for everyone to read. As I’ve said, pieces of your are woven throughout your writing, and your reader is going to see, the uninhibited exposed you.

Door mouse or Lion, your choice. The hunter or the hunted, the small or the big, the one who fears or the fearless? You remember the Wizard of Oz, don’t you? The cowardly lion had the courage the whole time, he just needed someone to say he had it. And think of how good he felt after realizing the fact.

Writers, you’ve got it! Now WRITE!

The Wicked Witch of the West very last words: Oh what a world, what a world. How could a little girl like you destroy all of my beautiful wickedness?

Very easy I say....SHE HAD COURAGE!