I Need You To Know

Prov. 19: 20-21 (NLT) “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” 

This week I was emotionally hit by someone who told me what I need to do with my body. It was a supposed dear friend who knows what I am enduring with this diagnosis of a lifetime. He went on to tell me that God wants me to take care of my body and I'm being selfish not thinking of my loved ones by not going the slice, dice, and radiate route. I told him that the chemo route could only give me five years and he said it was better than five months. He feels the route I'm taking is limiting me to five months time?

I don't know personally how this person listens to God, but I know how I do and how God listens and hears me! Throughout this slightly traumatic event that this supposed friend put me through, God has reached out through scripture, placing what I need to see and hear in front of my eyes, in my email, or just by chance. I don't believe in coincidence so I know it is God who is giving me messages and not the enemy of attack! God had my dear friends come out in full force of support for me and I know each of them to be Godly Christians, not the twice-a-year Christian. So who will I listen to? Dear friends who God sends or a supposed friend who a month ago told me to go climb back under my rock because I'm not wrapped up in this materialistic world as the rest of the people? I think you know the answer to that.

Friends, let me tell you. I did not make this decision blindly or loosely. I'm not one of those people whose child is dying and I don't take him to the hospital because God is the almighty healer and will fix it all! No, I prayed first and foremost at the beginning (and I still do, just so you know.) God sent me on this path! He heard my prayer and understood so He agreed to be here for me no matter how bumpy and craggy the road got. No matter how many people jumped out in front of me to try and instill fear in me, God would handle them and me! I have not wavered in faith one time on this journey. People have but I have not and I will not apologize for my strength.

The person hit me below the belt. I'm still weak when it comes to opposition, and this opened a door of doubt and fear I wasn't ready for. But God swooped in via scripture and supportive friends to relieve any doubt and fear and has me once again embracing this journey. The person went on to tell me that if what I'm doing is not working I need to get to a doctor immediately. For one, how does he know if what I'm doing is or is not working and second of all, who is he to tell me what to do with MY body? Boy, that really got me unnecessarily riled up! When I need peace the most, I was hit with worry and stress. Interesting, isn't that usually what the enemy uses to attack with? 

Can I paint a scenario of what would happen if I chose the conventional route at ANY time during this illness? Chemo can 'maybe' give me five-to-ten years of life. After cutting me open, radiation, and scientifically known toxic drugs. Oops, they missed some of the yuks, cut me open again exposing the C-cells to air. Oops its spread, cut me open again to remove ovaries, oops it spread again, cut me open some more, remove my lung, my lymph nodes gone, my immune system shot. No fight left in my genetics or my spirit. The next ten years would be putting myself and my family through a chopping block of pain, literally! In and out of the hospital month after month with new trauma after new trauma only to watch me wither, crumble and die in hospice hooked to machines. In the five years of chopping me up, my 105 lb. weight dwindles to 60lbs. How is THAT selfish of me? I want to spare my husband and son that pain AND suffering!

That is exactly what happened to MANY members of my immediate family. They were not distant aunts and uncles. One was my grandmother, my dads' mother. One was my dad's sister and one was my mother's aunt. On both sides of my genetics, this scenario played out year after year with family members that I also didn't even know. I CHOSE not to be a victim of slice and dice. I found too numerous to count testimonies of people who SUCCESSFULLY went a different route! Why would I NOT try this? My family before me chose THEIR route, even though there was no internet of alternative routes available to them. They actually trusted their doctor and the numerous toxic drugs they put in their body. They all died!

Friends, it is inevitable that I am going to die. So are you. Granted we would all rather die later than sooner. We would all love to spare our loved ones the pain of losing us but when in history did that become our choice in when we die? NO ONE has chosen when they die except via suicide. I'm choosing to live as long as I possibly can, maintaining my health on a daily basis and that is more than I can say for a lot of folks who could care less about their health. But I'm the selfish bad guy for wanting to LIVE? Something is seriously wrong with that mentality. 

I can't guarantee that this route will be a success. A doctor can't guarantee chemo either. There are no guarantees in life! I don't want to leave my husband and son but THAT is not my choice! I just want to hold fast to my unwavering faith and show people that God reigns supreme in this world. The world is full of choices in life, many a matter of life and death, you live or you die. I choose God over man; life over death. You make your choices, I make mine unselfishly always putting God first! I may be wrong, I may be right but I know in my soul that eternal life is awaiting me. All praise and glory to God!

Pss. 27:3  "Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident."

*note: both scriptures in today's post were sent to me

by happenstance. Thank you, Lord! 

Which Voice Do You Hear?

The face in the clouds

Acts 14:10 "Said with a loud voice, Stand upright on thy feet. And he leaped and walked."

Which do you hear?

Two voices, one of positive encouragement the other a put down, both on the same exact subject. An example? 
"Does my hair look okay?"
"It looks great."

"I think it looks like it got caught in a blender on high speed!"

When you hear (read) both, which do you hear that you'll carry with you? Do you hear how great your hair looks and you carry that positive affirmation through your day? More times than not you hear the negative comment and go on with your day with a little chip hanging on your shoulder ready to pounce on anyone that looks at you the wrong way.

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.” John 10:27 (NIV)

I love this from Bible Gateway: "Jesus doesn’t tell us if we dig deep enough or study long enough or go to church often enough we’ll be able to uncover the hidden mystery to hearing His voice. Instead, Jesus lists only one prerequisite to hearing His voice: Be one of His sheep." - Katy McCown

You see, my point is, I listen to God but there are people out there muffling His words for me. I sit in the quiet of the morning, meditating on His word and His voice, listening in the still small place that He and I share in the spiritual flow of the cosmos, my soul. When I come out of this place, some negatively call it 'from under my rock', I see it as time WITH my ROCK of salvation! The negative voice hurts and puts a dent in my space but I truly try so hard not to carry it around in my day. It's kind of hard when the clamoring comes beating on your door seeking what it is you have hiding there.

It's ironic that I listen and hear his voice. I try and tell people that they too can listen and hear but I assume they have discord hammering at their door with other priorities that keep their focus away from hearing Christ in them. Yesterday, I received an email noting the distractions WE ALL have knocking on our door keeping us away from hearing HIS voice and listening to another voice that pulls and tugs at us and we often aren't even aware.

I happily live under my rock for many reasons, one of those reasons is to keep the distractions from trying to pull me into the deep end of the pool and drowning me. The other reason is that it is a cool solid place to dwell when needing a rock to lean on that actually listens and HEARS what I'm whispering. I can scream and shout outside of the rock and no one hears, and I'm okay with that too. After all, Jesus has been gently nudging people for centuries and the people smothered Him with fires and flames so they didn't HAVE to hear him.

When I was first diagnosed, the doctors circled around me like a school of sharks. They in no way offered me anything remotely helpful. This conservative state wants you to swim WITH the sharks or be eaten alive BY the sharks, you are not allowed an in-between spot on the spectrum. I am neither liberal or conservative, so basically, in a nation that DEMANDS you to choose a side or be burned at the stake, I'm screwed! I go to the doctor, they offer me drugs. I tell them my stance, they scoff and wave their hands as if blowing me off. They don't, I repeat, they DO NOT offer anything alternative! I need to cross state lines for that, and since I don't see that in my cards anywhere down the line, I stand firm with Christ and where He and He alone will lead me. HE is my safety net, my Rock! 

I CANNOT afford a chiropractor or an acupuncturist, I cannot do yoga because of my arthritis. I cannot turn to a doctor because all they spew at me is, "You need chemo chemo chemo. You don't need a chiropractor, you need chemo!" or "Here, have some drugs for your pain." That right there is the sharks I won't swim with. You too can agree or disagree with me, it is your right. I thank you all for caring endlessly for me and wanting to help. I sincerely love you all to the moon and back! 

I think I need to go under my rock for a bit and enjoy what is left of summer. Which voice is it that you hear? I hear God telling me over and over, "I GOT THIS! I GOT THIS!" All my praise and Glory goes to HIM! 

This is basically how I feel when not under my rock.

"And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! " The Grinch, Dr. Seuss

Godspeed friends, in all that you do, be BLESSED!

2 Cor. 1:3 "Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;"

A closer look at The Face in the Clouds

Gateway to Health: Conclusion

Rev. 8:13 "And I beheld, and heard an angel flying through the midst of heaven, saying with a loud voice, Woe, woe, woe, to the inhabiters of the earth by reason of the other voices of the trumpet of the three angels, which are yet to sound!"

Gateway to Health: Conclusion

Value Yourself!

I am concluding my Gateway to Health Series. I’ve shown you all I can about changing your diet, and the essential exercise necessary (simply walking 20-30 minutes a day or more) to keep blood flowing through your lymph nodes. I’ve told you of my successes and my failures, my ups and downs, and everything in between; now its time to let you fly. 

I realized that I might not have shown you one thing and that is to value yourself. I think people are so caught up in the fast pace of society, trying the fish joint, or the new burger palace or eating at that restaurant because of tradition and not many will give pause to waiting, valuing themselves enough to change their order for a healthier solution. People don’t think themselves worthy enough to save or are worth eating healthy to save themselves from numerous doctors visits to stay alive.

Statistically, only twenty percent of the people are willing to change their diet to save themselves from imminent death. Life is too short they say, you only live once they murmur, ‘hey, we all gotta die from something’. I get it, I know what you’re saying. Me, I’ve had the wake-up call of a lifetime. I’ve been given the opportunity to live instead of dying a slow, long drawn out, painful, drug-induced death. I’m one of the twenty percentiles that value living more than dying.

I have a Spider plant that I’ve had for about twelve years. It was always drooping no matter what I did. I watered, fed, and fertilized it but it continuously drooped. With the Christmas season came a rearranging of plants. I sat my Spider Plant in a window where it gets to see the sunrise every morning. Within two months, this looks like a whole new plant, reaching for the sky, turning towards the sun, and reproducing by having babies! 

I did something right and never moved the plant back to its previous spot. I let my plant flourish and grow. It listened to me when I said you need to have a change or you’re going to die. I know a lot of folks don’t believe plants know anything but let me tell you, weird Joni has witnessed this living breathing plant extend its life with CHANGE! That is my very reason for writing to you, so maybe you’ll change to live.

I could’ve left the plant where it was and just let it limp through life with wilted leaves but I knew a drastic change was in order for me to see this plant live up to its potential. That is all I want for my human friends who can actually change on their own, live up to your full potential, is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is. I can offer sunshine but most of the time I think your shades are drawn. I can offer you something new but too often you cling to the old. Old habits are hard to break, or so they say.

1 Thess. 5:24 “Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.”

1 Thess. 5 is almost the same thing (as in so many scripture verses) that cries out to you, a guide for you, and an aid in hard times and struggles but do you adhere? If you are not going to listen to the Holy Bible who am I to think you’d change your diet because of a few words I pen? I cry out to you to change, not to shame you or judge you, I do it because I want you to live and not be imprisoned by the drugs that will usher you to your death.

To get through the Gateway to Health there is no other entry than to walk through it, taking the first step towards change. Even the smallest of steps will have you feeling the value of life. If you’re not willing to change then go to your doctor, ask him what drug will make the slow process of death easier on you because it seems that is all anyone wants is an easy route to get from point A to point B. 

A year into my changed protocol, I struggle daily with pains, ups, and downs and don’t feel much unlike Elijah in many ways. I understand the trial I must endure and it is not the easy route in life; I cry out.

1 Kgs. 19:4 “But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.”

When I cry out to Him, God assures me of another path, one where I live and I’m shown the value of my life, my journey and the end reward. Am I wrong in wanting the same for my fellow man?

1 Kgs. 19:5-8 And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the LORD came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.

My journey is far from over. I will move forward with the strength of an army of angels plowing forward bringing peace and goodwill to man. I cannot devalue my life, my soul is too precious whether good or bad instances flare up, I roll right along facing what I must. My wish for you is that when you look in the mirror you see the value in yourself before giving in completely to the darkness that leads you in the wrong direction; strolling down the darkened path where the gateway of health is closed to you.

When God extends his hand, do you turn away? When He gives you a second chance, do you toss it in the garbage pail outside the fast food restaurant? When God speaks, do you listen or are your earplugs in and you only hear what you want to hear, when you want to hear it? I’ve had every opportunity that you’ve had, to listen to everyone else, go the easy route, to be thrown on the table to be sliced, diced and medicated or go the tough route of listening to the whispers of something greater out there in the void of the cosmos. I chose the harder route but, to me, the better route.

I’m now making a choice to conclude my Gateway to Health series and allowing you to decide for yourself whether you’re worth living or dying. Do you value your life or are you content with your health, weight, prognosis, or diagnosis? If you said no, then do something about it, change is within your grasp. Take a chance, that’s all. Either fall or walk, stumble or crawl, whatever you decide you’re WORTH it to stay alive!

May the Grace of the Lord be upon you all! 

Angel always…Godspeed my friends…

Quotation Saturday ~ Change

Jer. 33:6 “Behold, I will bring it health and cure, and I will cure them, and will reveal unto them the abundance of peace and truth.”

HEALING

“Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” 
― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi

“Our wounds are often the openings into the best and most beautiful part of us.” 
― David Richo

“As my sufferings mounted I soon realized that there were two ways in which I could respond to my situation -- either to react with bitterness or seek to transform the suffering into a creative force. I decided to follow the latter course.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

“Listen to God with a broken heart. He is not only the doctor who mends it but also the father who wipes away the tears.” 
― Criss Jami

CHANGE

“Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.” 
― Rob Siltanen

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed, citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.” 
― Margaret Mead

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.” 
― Jalaluddin Mevlana Rumi

“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.” 
― Paulo Coelho

DIET

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” 
― Steve Maraboli

“True discipline is really just self-remembering; no forcing or fighting is necessary.” 
― Charles Eisenstein

“No disease that can be treated by diet should be treated with any other means.” 
― Maimonides

“He who cures a disease may be the skillfullest, but he that prevents it is the safest physician.” 
― Thomas Fuller

CHOICE

“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.” 
― Robert Frost

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“In the space between yes and no, there's a lifetime. It's the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it's the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are; its the legroom for the lies you'll tell yourself in the future.” 
― Jodi Picoult

“Maturity is when you stop complaining and making excuses, and start making changes.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“We’ve always had a choice, and we always choose what will potentially kill us. Why not make the choice to live and choose wisely?”
~ Joni Zipp

Holistic Healing

“Food and medicine are not two different things: they are the front and back of one body. Chemically grown vegetables may be eaten for food, but they cannot be used as medicine.” 
― Masanobu Fukuoka,

“Calling holistic medicine "alternative medicine" is no longer appropriate. The best approach now is "integrated medicine" in which we take the best of both worlds.” 
― Candess M. Campbell

“Holistic self-realization is the realization of your heart’s desire. Why holistic? Because it involves your entire being. ” 
― Stefan Emunds

“A non-GMO Mom is an avid researcher, a conscientious protector, and the most effective teacher of natural health.” 

“Disobey God and you are forgiven. Disobey Nature and you get disease.”

― Nancy S. Mure

Contemporary medical technology is not an advancement in medicine- it indicates the failure of Caucasian medical science and is a sign of ignorance. Technology cannot replace the human ability to diagnose disease by looking, touching and smelling to perform treatments without drugs.” 
― Llaila Afrika

“The year 2018 I am choosing healthy living instead of choosing to die unhealthy!”
~Joni Zipp

God Bless one and all in the New Year! 

Food, Food, Food

Pss. 104:14 “He causeth the grass to grow for the cattle, and herb for the service of man: that he may bring forth food out of the earth;”

Food, Food, Food

I think I need to clarify something for my readers, FOOD! Food is not a problem for me anymore, I’m enjoying this forced protocol more than I ever have in these past nine months, my problem is, and I’m WORKING ON IT, is being around festive happy carnivores eating the meal offered as if they hadn’t eaten in weeks, shoveling food into their mouths, getting a second huge helping, then adding a sweet scrumptious dessert to their faces. Then listening to them complain about their weight and how they need to shed some pounds.

Scents conjure images and memories for me. Have you ever walked into a church with polished wood and marble floors and an image or memory floods the mind? Ever walk into a library and the aroma of thousands of books smack you in the face bringing back memories of the good old days when libraries were the actual source of information? Ever walk into a bakery and your mouth begins to water, then scanning the shelves your stomach begins churning, craving the delectable sweet? THIS is the problem I have, memories! I don’t get to decide when they’re turned on and turning them off isn’t a trait I’ve acquired yet.

No, I do not miss the food I used to eat. I’m really doing well on passing up gobs of macaroni and cheese, bread and mayonnaise and the occasional meat that went through the doors to my stomach. I wish I had changed my diet sooner but I didn’t really care because never having a weight problem, the food tasted good.

I was never a big meat eater; I usually ate meat when in a family gathering, meat and potatoes were all that was offered and I never went for dessert. While desserts smelled good and looked tasty, I was never a big partaker of sweets either. So no, I don’t miss meats and sweets.

I think, not sure, what I miss is camaraderie. Food brings people together. Think about it, you go food shopping once a week, you’re all gathered in the store doing the same thing buying food for your family. In that one moment, you are mingling with people with like agendas, satisfying your family. What has happened in my family is separateness. Adam shops and buys his food, hubby buys his meats, eggs, and potatoes and me I hit the veggie section.

Then there are the separate dinners; Adam makes his food, hubby makes his or I put it on for him and my meal is totally different. And we no longer sit at the table together. Adam likes watching his phone, hubby and I watch reruns of old TV shows on his computer and it feels like in this year, we’re all going in different directions where once we had unity, togetherness. Adam has also chosen to work on Thanksgiving. I’m okay with that because I don’t have any plans anyway.

Memories - my memories of childhood were of us, never eating together as a family, we all did our own thing. Don’t get me wrong, my mother made some delicious meals and when I was old enough, I’d start the meals in a slow cooker and basically it was a first come, first serve basis, grab a TV table and go plop in front of the television. Unless it was Thanksgiving, that was the day we all ate together as a family, even my father joined us at the table.

Maybe during this season, I’m melancholy, not depressed, and yes I do know the difference. I only get depressed because of the deaths that have invaded my holidays. That could just be melancholy too. The holidays elicit feelings, aromas give rise to memories, sights and sounds awaken the melancholy beings that we are. Gatherings make me think of family and togetherness.

Yes, I could cheat and eat my heart out for just one day, but wouldn’t that defeat all that I’ve accomplished in nine months? My stomach is different now; it reacts to foods going down the tube differently. Meat turns my stomach, sugars churn the cells inside and they react to what I place in my mouth. Cheating is only cheating myself, no one else. I don’t eat to please others, I eat to survive, just like everyone else, except my choices of food, are quite different in my survival mindset.

I’ll go on with the holiday as my happy-go-lucky self. When people ask how I’m doing I’ll tell them fine, if they ask questions I’ll smile and tell them I’m not really up to a Q & A session. I just want to visit and enjoy their company and being the Walton clan I see them as, they’ll understand, go on with the day and enjoy their non-heart healthy meal. It is THEIR life, not mine. I live to seek eternity while others live to basically die. I’m finding that there is more to life than eating, living and dying.

1 Tim. 6:8 “And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.”

“God Bless Everyone”

Perseverance

Proverbs 16:9 (NIV) “In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”

Perseverance

Diet and stress are my new high points in life at this moment as I persevere. I’ve deleted umpteen emails that are naggingly telling me what feeds this disease, what wakes up this disease, what to eat and when to eat. I’m now on the information overload of my system. Then this plant based diet got through to me. I took a deep breath and looked it over, not hating what I was seeing.

I want to try this diet but seriously, I’m not out for a diet based on what’s a good diet. I’m looking for sustenance in my health in healing this disease! Everything looks good except the acidic aspects of some of the foods. I just want what's best for my health.

July 25th will be my sixth-month mark since this diagnosis walked into my life like a volcano and erupted shifting everything in its path forcing me to rethink some things in my life, including the food I put into my mouth. I’ve badgered unhealthy eaters; I’ve even tried to twist some arms into change but then I came to an abrupt halt of my own hand pressing on my chest telling me to hold on now, STOP!

I don’t know if this is a bad habit or just a part of who I am but I always find myself worrying about everyone else but myself. Even now with this disease, I’m more concerned with those around me, their feelings, their eating habits, their unhealthy living.

When I say I’m done, I never mean it to be I’m giving up, I mean I’m done with everyone else! I’m done worrying about tiptoeing on their love or non-love. I’m done falling apart when my feelings are hurt. I’m done being something for all and nothing for myself. I can’t make people love me and that’s okay, I love me. I have to realize that I am the most important player in MY game of life. Actually, I am the ONLY player. 

Solitaire, it’s the game I’ve played all my life. Alone. Even with my most recent upset, I keep it to myself because when I share, I’m told what I should do, what I need to do, or I get silence, nothing at all. Yeah, I know it makes it hard to make a comment, but can’t someone just say something simple like, ‘I’m here for you’ and actually be there for me? I hear I’m here for you then don’t hear another word from them for months?

I’ve been wanting to write and post but really I’ve been writing and keeping it to myself because I’m virtually tired. I’m tired of all of the information, I’m tired of defending myself, and I’m tired of having to watch what I say. My son seems to think I have a lot to live for but quite honestly, I don’t see it. I might feel differently in a month or two but right now, I’m exhausted.

I have hope that one day, maybe when I’m gone my family and loved ones will FINALLY read MY blog, MY pains, MY thoughts and realize what they REALLY lost. I’ll tell them I hurt, they didn’t care that I hurt and were partly to blame for my hurt. I can’t be any more honest than that with myself. That is how I’m healing, letting go of the ones hurting me; even if that means the ones closest in my orbit who actually had the chance to love me but chose something else over me. 

Maybe being exhausted is a good thing because I can take the time to put things into perspective, see things from a different vantage point. It’s like looking out and knowing mountains are out there but not seeing them. It’s like driving to the mountains and finally seeing the glorious peaks and knowing the climb is the end game, not just observing beautiful mountains.

When I wake and ask God, what would you have me do for you today and He says rest, I want to give Him a Joni slap and say WHAAAT? But then I remember who He is and bow down and respond, Your will be done. Can I ever rest? Why do I feel like resting is giving up when I know it is just a pause in the machine I’m oiling. I have a little more work to do then…I’m done.

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and she isn’t even a real doctor or anything, she’s a PA, a Physicians Assistant. What on earth is she going to do for me except reiterate why I need drugs and go the slice and dice method? That is what they are all programmed to say. I’m reading too much into the visit before I’ve even given the poor woman a chance. If she asks me what I’m doing, I’ll be honest with her and tell her, I’m choosing the way I die.

Don’t read more into that than I offer. I’m just not choosing to go down in a fetal position, in a hospice hooked to wires and drugs. I’m choosing to enjoy the Lord’s bounty of fruits and vegetables, His gifts to us and yet too many overlook because their eye is on the sweet, meaty prize, literally.

What I am doing and all that is left for me to do is prepare for my entry into Heaven and the walk that I look forward to. I seek that mountain with the snow-capped tops. I look toward the ascent to finally being free from the earth and all of the ignorance and disrespect strewed around like confetti on New Year’s Eve. When Jesus descended into hell, I just can’t imagine there is a place lower than this planet. I’m reaching for the summit in the sky…I’ll persevere here then move on to a place where I am truly loved and surrounded by love where ALL is love. I yearn for that. Peace out!

To God Be the Glory…

Pss. 37:37 "Mark the perfect man, and behold the upright: for the end of that man is peace."

Pss. 30:12 "To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever."

I Choose Alternative

Deut. 3:22 “Ye shall not fear them: for the LORD your God he shall fight for you.”

Alternative: Holistic Health

The definition of alternative is #1. Choice limited to one of two or more possibilities, as of things, propositions, or courses of action, the selection of which precludes any other possibility:

When I was diagnosed, oncologist one and two NEVER gave me an alternative, they gave me a basic death sentence, in the form of slaughter, drugs, radiate, more drugs with only a ten year added lifespan, no alternative! When I asked for time to make a decision, once again, no alternative, slice and dice me like I was some kind of fruit salad being thrown together, make me poorer than I already am and basically suck the life right out of me. “She’s not committing,” is what onc. 1 said. You’re darn tootin’! I’m not committing myself to a death sentence!

Did you know that before the synthetic world of creating drugs to pacify you was made into a billion dollar industry, herbs were used to heal? The map in the link didn’t work for me but the story is well worth sharing. Herbal remedies have been around for centuries. The Native Americans, Asians, and too many cultures to name, all used herbal remedies. It seems that the American man saw a dollar sign for creating synthetic drugs that made people THINK they were being healed but it was really a pacifier to keep man addicted so they needed the drug for the rest of their lives, making the pharmaceutical companies billions of dollars.

Now when people choose to take an alternative path they’re frowned upon. I do have friends that won’t even talk to me because of this route I’m taking, for whatever reason. This is why I’m not putting my vitamin and NUTRIENT intake out here yet because I’m still learning of how each one interacts with each other. I don’t want to give false and misinformed information. All of this information is going to be part of my book so I need to be precise. I’ll explain how I found the info and used it to benefit all of us alternative treatment warriors!

There ARE alternative choices to drug, slice, and dice but you have to be willing to become a scientist, a researcher, a doctor, and a HEALER not a pacifier. You are not going to cover your illness in pharmaceutical drugs, you’re not going to hide behind meds to mask your pain, you are going to become a warrior! There is nothing like a death sentence to have you reshaping the you that you are now. You DO have an alternative to drugs!

You may feel a little whacky for some of the things I’m going to show you, but again, you have an alternative. You can go the drug route, damage your immune system, and for the rest of your life be a prisoner of Big Pharma or go the alternative route to real healing. The CHOICE is up to you. 

What is so ironic is that people choose alternative religions, gods, idols, political parties, food choices (generic or name brand) but choose an alternative treatment for a Life-Altering illness, go against what the herd of sheep being led to slaughter is doing and you’re the one in the wrong? I’m here to tell you, you are NOT in the wrong! YOU have a choice and YOU are choosing to LIVE!

Let me tell you another thing, you may feel very isolated and alone but you are NOT alone. You’ll find a support system in dear friends who will understand the death sentence you were given. You’ll find friends surrounding you and actually be supportive to you in your challenge to live. Keep these friends close, THEY are a part of the HEALING!



I wrote a poem quite a few years ago (late 80’s or early 90’s) titled Music Divine. When I wrote the poem I had in my mind the thought that music had healing properties. I even wrote a few blogs about it but this is the most recent. I believe with every fiber of my being that God was preparing me for this day. Through all the pains, struggles and stresses that life threw at me, God was preparing me, making me strong to handle this very day that I’m facing now.

~ Music Divine ~

Divine is the dancing pirouette of sound

Bathing in the luminosity of space

A bastion of baubles blazing boldly

Rhythm masking in the ticker-tape of time

Reverberating in reverent chime

Compliant to the composer of conceit

Fastidious to the feasible feast

Notorious notes nourish in sync

Melody meets a measure combine...

Divine is the dancing ~~ pirouette of sound!

copyright ©Joni Zipp

On our journey, I’m going to show you ways to allow music to be a fraction of your healing. We’re going to de-stress our lives via meditation on the word of God or whatever you choose to meditate upon it is YOUR choice. I’m not here to judge your choice; I’m here to simply guide you to an affordable way of healing.

While I’ve had to basically beg my friends for money (the majority of my family just don’t care or they think I have some hidden fortune and am able to magically heal myself or they think I can realistically afford the drug route, who knows.) Sitting here two thousand dollars in debt from just getting a diagnosis is another reason to go alternative. Vitamins and herbs are a lot cheaper than the slice and dice method.

I have seven hundred thirty-four dollars, plus an anonymous donor behind the scenes who has purchased vitamins for me and has sent me money (directly to my house), and it has allowed me to get a GREAT start on my healing via the purchase of the major supplements I NEED! It also helps with the organic purchases I need. As we all know, real nutrition costs money, that is why organic foods are so high in price, it costs to bring the most nutritious foods to your food market.

My friends are indispensable! They are with me on this journey and I know that without their support, this part of the healing would not be taking place. My best advice is to surround yourself with REAL friends who really care! My husband is out here struggling to pay all the regular monthly bills, besides what has hit us with this illness. He’s a trooper too, you know. Being disabled only allows him to work part time hours, but the man is totally behind me going the alternative route and fully supports this journey of mine.

Know the importance of having people behind you, this will give you the strength you need on this long arduous journey. In two years you should be able to loosen the grip of your strict, and I mean STRICT new healing diet! In the meantime, you are going to feel GREAT while many are out in the world struggling in pain and addicted to pharma, YOU ARE ON THE PATH TO HEALING! 

Here’s to US, WARRIORS! God Bless!

Isa. 9:5 “For every battle of the warrior is with confused noise, and garments rolled in blood; but this shall be with burning and fuel of fire.”

I'm Gonna Let It Shine

1 Peter 1:7 “That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:”

I’m Gonna Let It Shine

Do you have a goal in life? I never really was a goal setter and I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. I have since a young girl of about fourteen always had a plan, kind of, and that was for people to see Christ in me. 

You might say, well weren’t you a drug addict and alcoholic? And I would quite bluntly and honestly admit that yes, yes I WAS. BUT here’s the thing, people always saw God in me. Comments like, “Oh she’s that God person”, or “Don’t ask her for advice, she’ll give you a sermon.” stuck with me. I went through life thinking, I’m a God person, and that is what people see in me, even in my darkest days, they see a Light.

As an adult, in hindsight, I see that it wasn’t my plan after all; I think seeing God in me has been His plan all along. While being dragged through coals of fire, being darkened by pain and strife, I always saw God. People would often wonder how I could see God through raging storms of hell. Again, quite bluntly I responded with, “Because He never lets me down.”

Drug addiction and alcoholism didn’t break me, being sexually abused didn’t taunt me, the loss of two children didn’t crack me like an egg, I plowed on refining my light so that the world would see the brilliance shining from me. 

Last week I went to WalMart. I was standing inside as I waited for hubby to park the car. It was a chilly rainy day so I opted for being let off at the door instead of walking in the rain. I stood inside and my eye caught an older lady and man as they passed me. She had an ear-to-ear smile as our eyes met, then her hand went to her husband's arm as she was gently nodding towards me. Did she know me? Recognize me, what? I didn’t recognize her but I smiled back.

As I walked through the store, I felt like I had a neon sign on my forehead because for some reason I noticed more and more people smiling at me. Not just the smirky kind of smile, smiles that said, I SEE you! What? It was an interesting shopping event, to say the least. This week I went shopping but this time I was going to notice what and why the smiles were there.

I realized that I had a smile on my face for every passer-by. Whether a crotchety old woman, a disgruntled older man, a mom with a screaming child, I had a smile for each and every one of them and they could do nothing more but to look at me, and smile back!

My ego would say, oh yeah, I’m all that. But the portion of a realist in me says, they see me; they see CHRIST in me. Instead of looking at people and forming a judgment in my mind, ‘she wore THAT’, ‘she needs to lose weight’, or ‘take a chill pill dude’, I looked with an intense gaze and thought, GOD, BLESS YOU!

I think the drastic change in my diet has caused my mind to expand on some metaphysical level; I see God in everything. Yes, this has always been parts of me but lately, it is ALL of me not just a portion of me.   

It’s not easy looking intently into someone’s eyes and seeing their pain, like the crotchety old woman who had a bit of road rage on the way to the store. I offer a smile. To the grumpy older man who was hesitant in getting out of bed and going shopping on his own because he NEEDED his medication, I offer my smile. To the man who has a bit of impatience brewing while waiting in a long line, I smile and let him go ahead of me, silently blessing each and every one as they pass. 

Can you imagine what kind of world we’d live in if every person took it upon themselves to bless people? I know the world is set on destruction but individuals can make a difference by shedding a light in all the dark places. They’re everywhere you walk, they’re in every person you have eye contact with, bubbling under the surface, with a light and a smile, the anger can be dispelled.

My General Practioner’s office called the other day, Ashley said, “Dr. *** wanted me to call and see how you’re doing and if you need anything.” 

I said, “I’m doing GREAT! I didn’t go to chemo and I’m feeling GREAT!”

July is my sixth-month marker and I was informed the doctor will be leaving in July since she’s finished up her two-year residency. I told Ashley, I’d make a well patient visit before the doctor left. I WILL go and shine the light for all to see! Test or no test, this little light of mine, I’m gonna let it shine! Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine!!!

I thought I’d share this for you to keep in mind:
From the Purpose Driven Life: “The Bible often compares trials to a metal refiner’s fire that burns away the impurities. Peter said, “These troubles come to prove that your faith is pure. This purity of faith is worth more than gold.” (1 Peter 1:7) A silversmith was asked, “How do you know when the silver is pure?” He replied, “When I see my reflection in it.” When you have been refined by trials, people can see Jesus’ reflection in you. James said, “Under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors.” (James 1:3).”

James 1:3  “Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience.”

My Realization

Some see an electric pole, I see a cross

2 Sam. 22:40 “For thou hast girded me with strength to battle: them that rose up against me hast thou subdued under me.”

The Realization

Well, I think I’ve discovered the reason for my ‘grumbles’ as some call it. It’s the realization that this is my new life and it isn’t going anywhere soon. Let me ask you, when you walk into a food store what’s the first thing you see? Food, right?  Now look at the food, all of it and think, I can’t have any. That is my new life. This is the source of my grumbles.

My new life consists of expensive foods that I probably shouldn’t even be eating. I’m cautious with every bite and every single purchase and hubby is always on the lookout for something I ‘might’ be able to eat. If it’s a fruit or vegetable, yippee, that’s me, but I’m human, I don’t like every fruit and vegetable on the market. But I'm willing to try those once disliked veggies.

I can’t eat processed food so the majority of boxed, canned and frozen foods are out of the question. The brown eggs hubby buys me are four dollars a dozen (sometimes on sale) and I go through a dozen a week. I go through two bags of seven-dollars-a bag of grapes a week, and strawberries I eat a lot of whether in season or out of season.

This is my reality. This is the realization that if I want to live, I cannot visit a fast food restaurant ever again. I can’t go to the new Dunkin Donuts that just opened up. Visiting a movie house would be as torturous as going food shopping, the aroma alone will eat me alive. Not that we visited any of these places often, but we had a choice. Now, my only choice is live or die. I look at every item on the shelf and painstakingly have to look at the ingredients. No soy, no wheat, that just about leaves me meat and dairy which is not allowed either, so yeah, that leaves cruciferous veggies, fruit (not all), and berries.

If you’re on a diet, you have a choice. You can cheat, you can go off your diet at any time, and honestly, you can look forward to your diet ending and going back to eating all the food you want. I myself, don’t have that choice. Again, my only choice in the matter is live or die! If I cheat, I am cheating myself of life and my willpower is too strong for that. I choose life, plain and simple.

I am not complaining, I am not grumbling, I’m letting you in on the realization that THIS is my new way of life. I do have a choice, I could live or I could die, quite simple choice, no? I choose life. Why grumble, why whine? Because the realization hits you in the face, that THIS is your new way of life! Let’s say you’re driving down the road and a Mack truck is heading straight for you, in that instant, you swerve to miss the head on collision. You chose to live, you chose to live with the realization of what plummeting into the ditch will cause.

I’m out here in the middle of nowhere building my strength. I go to the food store to see just how strong I am and I’m getting better! The first time I went food shopping, I left bawling my eyes out, the second and third time were a little better, but last time we left the food store we had to stop and get gas. Tears overflowed my eyes in silence. The pictures on the outside of the gas station were images of donuts. We sat next to a Buffalo Wild Wings, another new business I never had the chance to try. 

Surrounding me was a Burger King, an Applebee's restaurant where we had our wedding day meal, and then there was Wendy’s where I had my last meal from the outside world. The images and memories just poured in and my eyes reacted, my heart hurt and I cried. This is all a part of my healing too as I see how strong I am each day and just how much this little lady can take. 

Then there were the people hurrying out of the surrounding places with either a drink or food in their hand or lighting a cigarette. There were big people and little people, short people and tall people all with the same choice as me, to live or die, and my crazy mind is thinking that they are choosing a slow death over life. I can sit here and say it’s their life and I don’t care what they do but in all honesty, I DO care. I care very much whether people live or die. I can’t change their choices but I can hear their voices, and not one of them are saying, I WANT TO LIVE! 

You can say that this is me judging people but I say it is me observing people. I do care whether people live or die but it is not my CHOICE on what they choose in life. I, a little late in life, choose to live and this is the realization of my new way of living. 

2 Sam. 22:33  “God is my strength and power: and he maketh my way perfect.” 

My Doctor Visit

Pss. 6:2 “Have mercy upon me, O LORD; for I am weak: O LORD, heal me; for my bones are vexed.”

My Doctor Visit

Yesterday, many of you know I visited with my General Practitioner (GP from here on out). It was all that I expected from a doctor who actually cares about her patient and she didn’t let me down. 

I didn’t wait long in the nearly empty office that is usually bustling and as my name was called my heart raced a bit. Of course, my mind thinks good things but there is always that one little part that we all have that wonders what this visit will bring. 

I stepped on the dreaded scale in anticipation of what my forced diet would bring and to my surprise; I lost seven pounds in three - four weeks. That’s normal since I’ve had no carbs, no sugar, no meat and no dairy and a gallon of purified water a day. I’m an herbivore these days and it is paying off with energy, life, stamina, and peace.

The doctor came in and we talked. We talked about not doing chemo, and doing chemo, we talked about my illness and what I’m currently doing with my diet and exercise. She and the assistant were impressed that in four weeks (since I saw her last) I had changed so much!

She’d really like me to do chemo. It wasn’t the pressure I felt from the oncologist this was a subtle conversation between doctor/patient with eye to eye contact and compassion. I understood everything she said. I told her about the bad experience with the onc. and that we just didn’t click and I in no way said I ‘wasn’t committing’, I said I needed time!

She did say right off that my Breast Cancer doctor (remember, they’re colleagues/friends) had told her to keep an eye on me. That was the honesty I seek in a doctor, not an evasive reply. She offered that, I didn’t ask. I knew, but I still didn’t ask. That was her fifth or tenth brownie point in my eyes. 

She asked if I’d like to see another oncologist and I said YES, I’m not NOT committing, I need time to gather all the information I can. Her honesty showed again when she said, “I’m not a specialist in the field of oncology and that is who you really need to see to explain it more.” Monday the 27th, I’ll visit the new oncologist. He may also recommend a PET scan and I’m thinking, radiation and all, it might be for the best to know if the disease is spreading. I welcome your positive thoughts! Positive only!

We talked like old friends yet this was only my second time seeing her. She went on to tell me that this is a very successfully treated type of BC and that they have made great strides in treatment. Still only chemo treatments, but this time I was actually listening because she was actually taking the time to come down to my level, not putting on airs and putting herself above me.

She told me that all I’m doing with the vitamins and diet would only enhance the success of the chemo treatment and not hurt, I’d have to ask the new onc., but she was pretty sure. She said my mind, and my positive outlook can only be a good thing. Too many people go into this with, like I said before, that cancer is a ‘death sentence’.

She was also honest about the holistic healing. I asked why doctors don’t know about these things that can save lives and she made sense in her reply where the oncologist just brushed me off. This doctor said because most holistic remedies haven’t been studied long enough yet or are still in the testing stages and as a doctor, she can only offer what is within her realm of treatment. Chemotherapy is tried and true. I got it, it made sense to me, I understood where the medical community was coming from. 

What we talked about didn’t change my mind on getting chemo but it did give me something to think about. Yes, we even talked about the bad side effects of chemo, and she sided with there is more good than bad and I’m sticking with there is more bad than good, for now. 

Ezek. 34:4 “The diseased have ye not strengthened, neither have ye healed that which was sick, neither have ye bound up that which was broken, neither have ye brought again that which was driven away, neither have ye sought that which was lost; but with force and with cruelty have ye ruled them.” (sounds like chemo - TO ME)

I live in a state where the next oncologist available is forty miles away. Remember, when my hubby needed a cornea transplant the only place in the STATE is three and a half hours away. I grew up in a tiny little state, where there were MANY top-notch hospitals available within miles of each other, University of Maryland and Johns Hopkins just to name two. And out here they have nothing but cows and farmland in such a BIG state; nothing innovative to write home about here. 

Nebraskans seem offended when I say stuff like that but I’m not saying it to offend anyone, I’m just AMAZED, in the twenty-first century, that the nearest airport is (besides those tiny plane ones) is over an hour away and oncologists are separated by forty miles or more!

THIS is the reason I’m doing more research. THIS is the reason I NEED to do more research. I can’t just up and move to a new state so I HAVE to take what is offered me here but *I* feel more in control when I can make the decision on my own and not be forced into something I don’t believe. I feel like they are trying to brainwash me and have me join their cult of beliefs, but now, I have more understanding of where they are coming from with this GP visit.

I’m continuing on my journey, I’m trying to remain positive and also trying to rid ANYTHING I deem as negative out of my life. I’ve done this spiritual cleansing many times over my life but now I need to put to use all I’ve learned. On we go, my friends! I’m so glad I have you along for the ride, this is one mountain climbing excursion that I’m glad to not be on alone. I can’t thank you all enough but remember where I FEEL the love, my prayers bounce back to YOU! Win/win guys…now journey on! 

Gen. 24:21 “And the man wondering at her held his peace, to wit whether the LORD had made his journey prosperous or not.”

The Beginning of the End

Matt. 24:10-11 “And then shall many be offended, and shall betray one another, and shall hate one another. And many false prophets shall rise, and shall deceive many.”

The Beginning of the End

I don’t normally go off topic but Monday I did an NFL post about the entire franchise smelling like a manure farm. Today I’m not going too off topic but I rarely, meaning never, do a political post and this is more about the end being so close I can taste the bitterness swirling in my mouth and people need HOPE.

I’ve noticed that people who were all in and about the political arena, meaning friends, that sit back and use the social media as a political platform to state their views, have all but been silenced by the lack of someone running that they can actually get behind.

Now that it has been narrowed down to two people, no one wants to put their voice behind them for fear of being laughed and scoffed at in the social arena. Some are standing by their party; some are sitting quietly in the background picking on the other party, I guess so that they appear involved but from afar.

The entire fiasco reeks of the beginning of the end. Some will say the end has been happening for years now, some will state facts (chuckles) that they KNOW the end is here, where me, I’m going on my instincts and what they are telling me and it doesn’t feel right, I can tell you that.

A few years ago there was talk of Martial Law. I’m not a political person so I laugh at the mere mention but I do not laugh when all the scoffers are laughing at the Bible and calling it a book of fairy tales. 

I find it quite amusing that the non-believer can call it a book of fairy tales when I have never in my life read a book that has been so accurate in foretelling the future than the Holy Bible. There was 400 years of time that passed between the book of Malachi and the beginning of Matthew. Upon reading this (same link as above) you can see the ‘so-called fairy tale’ take on more shape and meaning.

Prophecy has been around for centuries and while some don’t want to believe that we’re living in the end times all they would have to do is read the Bible to see what prophecy says about the end times. While I’m not a prophet nor claim to be, I’m a writer and as such I dig and dig as I research a project to bring you the most informative (information I’ve gotten) information I find, and most of it agrees with my views. Granted, your truth and research might find something completely different.

Age of the Earth: 

Did you read the link – Temple Mount? I read the entire thing and this paragraph stuck out to me as what I am trying to convey here. 

“It is amazing how God utilizes history to work out his purposes. Though we are living in the days that might be termed "the silence of God," when for almost 2,000 years there has been no inspired voice from God, we must look back -- even as they did during those 400 silent years -- upon the inspired record and realize that God has already said all that needs to be said, through the Old and New Testaments. God's purposes have not ended, for sure. He is working them out as fully now as he did in those days. Just as the world had come to a place of hopelessness then, and the One who would fulfill all their hopes came into their midst, so the world again is facing a time when despair is spreading widely across the earth. Hopelessness is rampant everywhere and in this time God is moving to bring to fulfillment all the prophetic words concerning the coming of his Son again into the world to establish his kingdom. How long? How close? Who knows? But what God has done in history, he will do again as we approach the end of "the silence of God."”
~ Ray C. Stedman

We are at the most hopeless point in U.S. history. There has never been an election where BOTH parties were so unfit for the job they wish to undertake. Are we living in the Beginning of the End? Judge for yourself. In my opinion, no choice you make this election year is the right choice. God has purposed it this way and your vote is… the Beginning of the End.

May God be with you all!

2 Cor. 6:2 KJV  “(For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)”

2 Cor. 6:2 NIV For he says,“In the time of my favor I heard you,

    and in the day of salvation I helped you.”

I tell you, now is the time of God’s favor, now is the day of salvation.

MTOC ~ Day Three ~ Choice

“When faced with senseless drama, spiteful criticism, misguided opinions, walking away is the best way to stand up for yourself. To respond with anger is an endorsement of their attitude.” ~ Dodinsky

I have laid my past to rest and crawled out of the darkened pit with my fingernails intact as well as my dignity. While I could have lashed out at my sister for her insensitive ignorant remarks toward me, my son and my husband, I CHOSE the higher road and continue on with my life that I have built for myself. Not with the help of any blood family members who remain anchors that weigh me down. I now look to my Spiritual family to lift me up on a daily basis. 

We ALL have a choice and while some will cling to the bitterness that shapes their life, I CHOOSE not to allow anger and bitterness to define who I am now. THAT my friends is God in me. It isn’t any scientific psychological mumbo jumbo, nope it’s that God mumbo jumbo that I keep telling people about. 

I have a friend who over reacted to something she had seen. Apparently Kirk Cameron is doing a tour giving HIS testimony of Christ. While he has the star quality that I don’t have, his words are going to be faced with pretty much the same criticism I’m faced with in my testimony. Us God people are just freaks of nature. I along with millions, and possibly billions are all wrong and all freaks of this ‘God’ we speak of. 

What did Kirk Cameron say that ticked my friend off? 

He said, "Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband's lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband," he says. "When each person gets their part right, regardless of how their spouse is treating them, there is hope for real change in their marriage."

She raged on, (I won’t share her entire post for privacy reasons) but this is some of what she said:

“If this is what being Christian means, then I don't want any part of it.” 

What she said, loosely, is that she heard Cameron say that women are to be servant slaves to their husband. His sister Candace said that she agreed with Kirk and is submissive to HER husband but what my friend missed was the CHOICE of the entire message. I think she missed the point that we, men AND women, are to love, honor, respect and cherish one another. Not be slaves but to honor one another.

I don’t judge her for her opinion on the matter because it is what I see as a national problem with the message that Jesus was trying to convey. People mix the Old Testament with the New Testament and make confetti of the words and dish out what suits them. They dissect the word to fit into their little world, they use the words like wet clay and try to form those words into a belief system that suits or doesn’t suit them. To ME, it looks like they’ve made an ashtray out of the Word of God.

They try going to church but again, they’re met with confetti and don’t understand what is being said. They’re looked over, gawked at and made to feel like an outsider so they flee from the church never to return. They hear people TALK about the Word of God but for some reason, they don’t SEE the word of God working in people. Is that because the Bible bearers ACTIONS are not equal to what they are saying? 

It’s a fine line sure, but also, it is a matter of CHOICE. When you look at the starry sky at night lit up like diamonds scattered on a sunny beach do you see a disorderly array of stars or do you see things like Cassiopeia, Orion or the Pleiades hiding within the astrological signs? This is the same thing when people hear the Word of God or people speak of the word of God. Others hear a disorganized message or they hear a divinely orchestrated message hidden in there. 

Last year when my dad passed away, I couldn’t make it back home and it gripped me for months, the guilt, the hurt, the suffering pangs I felt. My sister in her obvious dislike for me (I’m not going to pretend otherwise) had said, “Well YOU made the choice to leave here!” I rightfully said, “Yes, yes I did, I chose LIFE over death.”

I had suffered back home and nearly lost my life on more occasions than one, so leaving my husband WAS a choice of mine, a CHOICE of survival. Those people enslaved me and kept me bound by their misfit whims of dysfunction and I just assumed that that is how life was supposed to be. I prayed often for deliverance from the hell I was entombed in. 

It wasn’t until I found freedom in the land of Texas was I able to see the outside world and after months of suffering anxiety attacks nightly, running off hyperventilating on the dark streets of Texas, I slowly got a grip on what reality looked like. My years and years of prayers were finally answered; I was free from enslavement. 

God put me on a path and only because my choice was Him did my world start to turn around and I saw the light of day. When I tell people of Christ, it isn’t from a high and mighty pedestal, it isn’t from a wealthy sculpted upbringing, it isn’t from being shaped by a defective family, no, it is from a woman who CHOSE God over living to the conformity of man. Yes, the same men who wrote the Holy Bible, Old and New Testaments. 

I live for the mysteries of God. You’re right people, the Bible is a bunch  of words, supposedly the divine intervention of God Himself, but it isn’t until you CHOOSE the Holy Spirit to live IN you will you ever grasp the meaning of one word or message from the Holy Bible. 

Acts 15:7 “And when there had been much disputing, Peter rose up, and said unto them, Men and brethren, ye know how that a good while ago God made choice among us, that the Gentiles by my mouth should hear the word of the gospel, and believe.”

Content

Ex. 2:20-21 And he said unto his daughters, And where is he? why is it that ye have left the man? call him, that he may eat bread. And Moses was content to dwell with the man: and he gave Moses Zipporah his daughter.

You could see this post as content [kon-tent] significance or profundity; meaning:
a clever play that lacks content.
Or: substantive information or creative material viewed in contrast to its actual or potential manner of presentation:

Or content [kuh n-tent] satisfied with what one is or has; not wanting more or anything else.

I was going for the being satisfied with what one is or has but it can also be seen as significance. I see a problem that has risen to record proportions in a nation of contentious people. They are not happy with what they have or with whom they are, causing an upheaval of indecisiveness.

Rom. 2:8 “But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath,”

Not only do I see this in the (I never talk about) politics, but in people’s lives. They are never content with the blessings they have and always seeking out more, whether it is more clothes, a bigger house, more selection or more choices, then they’re left confused wanderers by not being content with what they have. 

Why can’t people be content? People are no longer impressed with integrity, kindness, humility and generosity; they’re too busy being overcome by anger and hate as if something has possessed them that they’ll never admit is happening.

“I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. But I finally accepted the fact that sensitive is just how I was made, that I don’t have to hide it and I don’t have to fix it. I’m not broken.” ~ Glennon Melton

We must be able to overcome the dark force that is waging war on our souls so much so that we act like a roaring lion filled with hate, not a gentle Lamb like Christ. It is much easier to come out and attack, lash out at anyone and everyone who doesn’t have the same perspective as we do and yet we find ourselves clinging to the ones who are also filled with the maliciousness.

One of the hardest things to do in my Child of God walk is to forgive, to love my enemy, to turn the other cheek. People see me as either naïve or blind to reality but do they ever see me as a Child of God? No, and yes, do you know why? They’d rather pick a negative connotation not knowing it is an evil dark force that is drawing them to the conclusion. 

You see, they are the ones blind. They are blind to the blood of Christ that they claim is seeping through their veins. Jesus knew the men who were killing Him. Did He choose to lash out and spew hate filled words to carry Him to heaven? Did He choose to separate himself from the prostitutes, the poor, the lame and the different?

I know what you’re going to say. He was a better man than you. Yes, this is true but He is the one whose words should be first out of your mouth, not the ones that satan chooses for you.

We’re human and we are weak but He is strong! He is the one who has the strength to overcome the evil in the world and instead of rallying around satan, without demeaning hate-filled words, whose end has been prophesied about and will come, Jesus’ end is just the beginning.

When you are filled with love and joy part of the time in your daily living then you are not filled with Jesus all of the time. Being human allows you that right to choose good and evil.

I choose to overcome the evil force playing tug of war in my soul. Do you think it is easy? Do you think Joni just wakes up with her head in the clouds? No, she has to work at being there like everyone else but again, it is her CHOICE to choose good over evil.

Being content with all that I am and all that I have, not wanting more and more keeps me grounded in the here and now.

Phil. 4:11 “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”

Time

Mark 13:33 Take ye heed, watch and pray: for ye know not when the time is.

Time

I’ve been thinking a lot about death this week. Who can blame me after you read my previous posts. I’ve realized something I’ve never given much thought to and that was life support. I informed my husband and son that if I’m ever on a machine to keep me alive, to please oh please pull the plug!

I personally think that people on machines are left there for selfish reasons. The family is holding out hope that the person they have loved for so many years will come back to them whole. My dad didn’t want his defibrillator removed because he said it was God’s decision when he goes. And my peace comes from knowing that it was God not man/doctor/sister/brother that took my father when it was his time to leave this earthly shell.

Time, it’s all about time.

Ecc. 3:1-8 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

My sister had said something to me recently, “You CHOSE to be where you are.” What she might not understand (or maybe she does) is that it wasn’t a CHOICE it was TIME! It was my time to heal. My time to get and my time to lose, my time to LOVE and my time to have PEACE!

While my family was back home struggling with the burial necessities, bickering and tugs of war that are a natural part of my family, I sat here out in the middle of nowhere left to mourn on my own. This is NOT the time for dissension; this is the time to pull together! I have been writing this all not for myself, but to share with others who might ever go through this. It is not a morbid fascination for me; it is my way of mourning and grieving.

It’s not really a bickering back home going on, it is more of maybe misinformation? Miscommunication? My dad wanted one thing, my mother wants another thing, and siblings, they want what THEY want. Me? I’m just sitting here 1400 miles away from them and literally out in the middle of nowhere with no way of getting back home. It’s just not meant to happen that way and I accept that with no guilt or remorse.

Let me just say for all of you who WILL have someone die on them sometime in your life and it WILL be up to you to get the tedious things out of the way.

One: Cremation or burial?

These are facts that NEED to be known! A cremation is cheaper than a burial as the burial can cost up to 10 grand! With limited funds, money will play a big part of your decision; unless of course you have a great life insurance policy that will pay for everything.

Two:  Know who is in charge.

You may want one person to be in charge but someone else might come in and take over your burial. KNOW who is in charge!

Example: My mother is of sound mind so she should be the one in charge of what happens to my dad. My mother wants his ashes in an urn and a keepsake necklace for her. She wants him with HER!

Three: Make a list... of special material things and where you want them to go and to whom.

Four: A Living Will: Keep in mind that after you’re dead, none of these wishes are bound by a law or have to be met, so be reasonable and understanding and let the one in charge know you understand that all of your wishes might get tossed in the wind but let them KNOW. Get a notarized will if you want your wishes bound by the law. Still not guaranteed.

Knowledge: It is hard on a family to make decisions based on knowing nothing!

Reasoning: During the grieving process, emotions are at an all time high. One person will want one thing, another a different thing but only ONE thing can be done so there is bound to be the clashes of wants. I see ego and pride standing tall, while loneliness sits her peaceful self in the corner facing the wall wanting it all to go away.

It all boils down to one thing and that is TIME! It eventually runs out and the choices are left up to those left behind to do what they will to make peace with themselves. You might THINK you have TIME to get these things in order but know you very well might NOT have time.

I’m thanking my lucky stars that God saw to it that I was placed out here in the middle of nowhere to spare me all the dramatics going on back home. Because when you think about it, it’s not all about love, love, LOVE as it should be it’s all about TIME!

The time we laughed

The time we cried, the time we lived

And the time we… died.

Rom. 8:6 “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”