Dust to Dust

Luke 11:36 “If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light.

Dust to Dust

People are who they are, 

and kill what they must,

they’ll continue where they will 

and dust what they dust.

I am who I am

I shant live to die

They tell me I can’t 

I don’t accept their lie. 

Society lay claim

All glitter is gold

The shine is now frittered

The soul has been sold

Tune into the Father 

For all pain to be lost

An umbrella in the rain

The Word now embossed.

Cleansed be the body

From sin do we cry

A Light stuffed bin

Our peace when we die.

From now on 

I’ll kill what I must

As my Savior reigns still

My ashes become dust.

Eleventh Hour Gift

James 4:17 “Therefore to him that knows to do good, and does it not, to him it is sin.”

A Moral Compass

Yesterday I was reading one of my morning emails by Max Lucado, this one was titled “An Eleventh Hour Gift”. If you’re a Christian, you might know where I’m going with this and what it all means. The eleventh-hour gift was the gift of forgiveness as Jesus hung on the cross dying.

When one criminal hurled accusations at Jesus, the criminal on His other side chastised him for saying such a thing about a man who had done nothing wrong! “Yes we did something wrong, yes, but this man is innocent!” No one knows exactly what was said while three men hung bleeding to death on a cross but Jesus said something profound, “Today you will be with me in paradise.” My faith tells me that THAT is the kind of man Jesus was/and IS all about, love and forgiveness.

What? This criminal? Paradise? Full of sin gets to see paradise? Yes, people, that’s what Jesus’ death was for this tainted world, forgiving our sin-filled nature. Did these men attend church? Did they wash Jesus’ feet? Did they tithe and read scripture regularly, picking it apart word for word so they got it right with the Lord? Do they get to see paradise too? 

It gets tricky and I believe this is why we have an era stuck in a world judging God/Jesus and the moral compass. They answer to no one and forcing them to read a Bible that is full of sinners, rapist, killers, sodomy, and incest, the line of teaching gets lost and they come out on the other end with their own truth. Atheist didn’t become that way because they DIDN’T read the Bible, no, more than likely they read it and came away with their own summation.

I have a son, nieces, and nephews from blood and marriage and I know the different upbringings each of them had and what they carry with them. They define God in their own way, no matter what the Bible says, their parents said, ministers say, they come to their own conclusion of what a Moral Compass even is; they answer to no one. And even the ones that turned out to be Christians, came out believing ‘God didn’t mean it this way or that way, again, making their own truth fit what they’ve read and learned.

This is sad but when I read that email of Max Lucado’s it seemed pretty clear to me, Jesus didn’t die because we were all perfect in our moral compass worlds. He died because we are ALL sinners. So does that mean we get left behind because we’re out here with our high and mighty Moral Compass? We do everything right and honorable and fall on occasion, so does that mean we’re just going to be forgotten in our eleventh hour? I don’t believe so.

Will all of the children growing up today be forgotten because they don’t understand what the bible and the message said? No, they won’t! They are not being taught and much of what is taught is misconstrued, mixed and a jumbled up mess of laws, vows, deaths, and sins, they see no hope in the Word and are not taught of the HOPE in the Word.

People today are so vindictive, so eager to have the upper hand and smite the neighbor, it is a long line of misconceptions we teach our kids that it is okay, because of what, God forgives? TO ME, it is us, who already know that it’s a sin who will have trouble ‘knocking on heavens door.’

What I’m saying is, today is Good Friday, it is the day designated as the day Jesus was hung on the cross. I say designated because no one, and I mean NO ONE, knows of the day or hour our Lord was hung on the cross. One thing we Christians ARE certain of is that He died with one last breath forgiving a sinner who didn’t know any better all of his life, that Jesus was the God that many searches for. He forgave mankind, point blank!

I remember when I broke my femur last September and I laid crying in pain, what kept me sane at the moment was knowing Jesus suffered more as He made his way to the cross. The images of Jesus being whipped and beaten as He dragged the heavy wood to the top of ‘Skull’s Hill’ gave me something to focus on other than what I was enduring. Every drop of bloodshed, every laceration, every wail of pain from an innocent man, left my pain feeling small and petty.

As the past six weeks have been filled with pains all over my body that I DID NOT expect to feel, I thought I could handle any pain after Septembers rain of pain but this pain is just as immeasurable and I failed to conjure the images that I know might carry me through to the finish. I feel like a failure as I head into my New Year, no longer looking forward to ringing in the New Year in the fashion that I’ve done for years now. It’s all changed. Life has changed, the world has changed.

Easter Sunday will be different this year. My husband has to work, my son has to work, the family will rejoice with food and one another, sharing and caring and I’ll be left alone to celebrate my New Year in the fashion that I saw it coming, alone, with the One that forgave man, all of mankind, for being the sinners they are.

One thing I can say is that this Sunday I will RISE from my bed, and embrace the chance to live another day, basking in His glory! Another sunrise and sunset to tell the people of the world that no matter the sin, no matter the pain and shame you feel, there is the eleventh-hour forgiveness awaiting each and every one of you. Remember, it’s your magnetic moral compass that will lead you north or south

James 5:15 “And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up; and if he have committed sins, they shall be forgiven him.”

James 4:11 “Speak not evil one of another, brethren. He that speaketh evil of his brother, and judgeth his brother, speaketh evil of the law, and judgeth the law: but if thou judge the law, thou art not a doer of the law, but a judge.”

Unknown quote: “The more fake you are, the bigger your circle will be. The more real you are, the smaller your circle will be.

These are well known facts.”

May each and every one of you have a most Blessed Celebratory Day as we remember the reason for the Season!

Spiritually Speaking

1 Cor. 1:26 "For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:"

Spiritually Speaking

The day I came home from my first round of chemo, my body felt like it was pulled out of an ice chest, set in the car, and told to go home and fend for yourself. Basically, that is what happened when the lady behind the desk looked at me stupidly and asked, “Is that all for today?” I’m not a cursing woman but I’m sure my eyes poked hers out with the daggers I was slinging at her.

Luckily, I had taken a small blanket that Steven quickly wrapped around me as he saw the chills were getting the best of me as he buckled me in the truck. Yeah, you’re at the whim of everyone when this takes place and luckily I got one of those good men that can handle taking care of me. 

But the white dove… when he made an appearance earlier in the week, I knew he was spiritually telling me that things were going to be alright. I haven’t seen him since mind you. Things just didn’t feel like they were all going to be okay at this moment as every bone jingled, every tooth chattered, and tears, well, of course, they were not in short supply, they overflowed my eyes like the Niagara Falls!

I got home, was helped into the house, helped into my pajamas (with a hefty blanket wrapped around me, mind you) and laid back on the bed. I fell asleep instantly. I woke to pee a couple of hours later, took a pain pill then it was back to sleep until the next day. 

The next day I woke to feel very stiff, hungry as all get out because a pretzel was the gist of my food the day prior, and I felt like I was in the Cone of Silence, I spoke in whispers, and no one heard. I was in a fog. Luckily Steven had off that day because I would’ve been no good to take care of myself. Honestly, a couple days passed before I can say I consciously remember what happened.  

I wasn’t hit with a ton of side effects and chills were the main thing on the day of treatment, to look out for. I was told they’d call and see if everything was alright on Friday but it was Tuesday before they called and asked if I had found the bottle of poison I passed on months ago. It was an Estrogen blocker but the side effects were worse than the chemo Herceptin and I quite clearly told her I was not comfortable with taking them. I found an alternative blocker and told her that THIS is what I’m taking, the only side effect was a possible headache. I’m okay with that.  The doc didn’t understand why I wasn’t willing to take a prescription DRUG with an arm's length of side effects including liver damage, possible heart damage, hair loss, and a lot of other losses I just am not willing to gamble with! He needs to see the bottle of what I’m taking and I’ll show it to him, next week on my second trip of a ten-year dance with chemo. (The Doc is a he, Navigator is a she)

I knew my birthday was coming up and I was so glad to finally relax and have a ray of light shine in my window after the floods and snow absorbed my mind and chemo stole my positive line of thinking. I was losing hope and this is not something I’m familiar with! It is totally foreign to me! I’m upbeat and overflowing with positivity! 

Thursday would be a Joni day! My son was coming out to see me to give me my gift, (because he’d be working on my birthday) and my mother in law wanted to come out and see me too, because on Saturday my nephew, her grandson, was getting married. I haven’t seen her since Christmas, so that would be nice. I wanted to hear how the flood affected her little town that made National News for the first time in their lives I imagine. She had not seen any of my progress since December and I’ve come along way since then. She had no idea about my choice of doing chemo. She had company the week before and I was too shaken by the events to rain on her parade so I kept it personal. Okay, my online friends knew more than my family, just so you know!

My son got me an awesome sketch pad and an extremely nice pencil set so I can get back into my sketching. I need to refocus on something more than Facebook and just writing about the Big C. I need to focus on my passions and love! My drawing, my poetry, my gift. My story, my husband and my son are number one in my life so I need to focus on caring for them, but also nurture the passions and gifts that God gave me. My M-I-L brought me a card with money (always needed and helpful) and a soft cuddly bear with inspirational words attached to her ribbon. I named her Harmony, a grayish bear with one black ear! A precious addition to my growing stuffed family.

I was slowly feeling uplifted, but I needed to be careful because one thought, one memory could just knock me down. Saturday, my birthday arrived, I was going out to enjoy my day and have Chinese food! Woohoo! I’m on a strict protocol but sometimes the strictness binds me and it gets me down. It would take a knock on my door and a beautiful flower from someone many miles away to boldly lift my spirits! Online friends who can reach your front door with acts of kindness need their own special blessing because I’m telling you, it started a snowball of an all-around good day!!! Thank you! 

At the Chinese restaurant, I got the garden medley. My goodness, green pepper, broccoli, mushrooms, onions, carrots, and more in a nice sauce, with rice on the side! It had been gray and dreary and my one wish, my one prayer was for some sun not only for my birthday but for my nephew who was getting married outside at his family's home where he grew up. He wanted a special day as much as I did. As I walked out the door to go on my adventure, the sun came out!!!  Bright and beautiful with a little blue sky in the mixture. It was going to be a great day! What a meal I had! I bet it was a really nice wedding, too. Because of my disability, I like to spare people the burden of coddling me when something more important than me is taking place. 

I was feeling hopeful but I’m telling you it only takes one thing and wham, I’m down. Sunday it would be my talk to my mother. She is so depressing. She says over and over how lonely she is, how she has nothing to live for, life is not worth living, etc. etc. NO, no one can get through to a woman who all her life was dedicated to her husband and nothing else. Of course she has nothing to live for, with him gone, she literally has nothing. It’s sad and it brings me down, and she has NO IDEA of what I’m going through.

Monday came and I was trying to pick myself back up! I woke, cleaned myself up, got dressed, exercised, ate fruit, washed clothes and I was well on my way to a brighter day, even if the sun wanted to play hide and seek every single day! Adam visited and it was a good day, exhausting but good. I needed rest. I normally set myself by the front window with my computer but I was so exhausted by six o’clock I decided to just go lay in bed and meditate. I took my computer and instead of surfing, writing, or anything else, I chose meditative sounds to help me calm my nerves and the loss I had been feeling.

I had not realized thirty minutes had passed but I opened my eyes after a relaxing prayerful meditation and just sighed. It was a good sigh and then I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Something was saying to look out the window. The curtains were drawn but a couple of slats of the mini-blind were open. I saw something white. A mound of snow? No, it moved. Must be my white dog, Riley. No, it’s too white to be her. I jumped up not believing what I thought it was, a duck, so I made my way to peek out the window.
“My dear sweet Jesus, it’s a duck!” A BIG WHITE duck and a small black one were nestled on my lawn. Just sitting there looking around as if dazed.

My husband jumped from his chair and came in to see. He couldn’t believe the white dove and now a duck? He was scratching his head too! We both made our way to the back of the house so we could see with camera in hand what we were seeing! There they were Yin/Yang I thought. A big white duck and a small black duck.

From Wikipedia: “In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang is a concept of dualism in ancient Chinese philosophy, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.”

Hope was speedily returning to me. Could this be the push I needed to get me through another session of chemo next week? When Tuesday came I was almost afraid the hope would be gone but it was still there. And when hubby checked the mail there was a THANK YOU from the wonderful ladies of Physical Therapy with a thank you card. I had framed a poem and gave it to them for their office and they thanked me for that ‘blessing’ and so much more, my genuine thoughtfulness, my spunkiness, and the laughter I brought to them. I had made my mark as I apparently do. 

I read something this morning by Max Lucado: When Joseph, Mary’s husband, was asked to do something for God, instead of saying NO,  “Joseph obeyed. God used him to change the world.  He does the same with us.  Be a modern day Joseph.  God will use you to bring Jesus into the world.”

I think I found my calling. I’m listening, Lord! I’m listening. 

January 4th - Fill In the Blank

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January 4th, 2019

Today arrived which meant more physical therapy: step up, step down, up/down 20 times right foot, 20 times left foot. Then the Cane Walk, 4 laps around the fitness area with my CANE, and then more exercises. I remember my doctor asking me once if I thought this ‘physical therapy’ stuff is working and with my mouth almost to the floor I said YES! I could not have gotten this far alone!

I can almost taste taking my walks again. I look out the window and visualize the event. The weather being in the upper forties for over a week now, melting snow with puddles that mimic swimming pools, and next week being a repeat with a couple of fifties in there make me wonder if this is the calm before the storm. If it's not, then I’m thinking that stupid groundhog got his months mixed up. 

My physical therapy is moving right along and the weather is being generous in that I don’t need to wear numerous layers of clothing. The new year snuck up on me and caught me preoccupied with things other than writing and finishing my story. So I begin the New Year filling in the blanks. 

This month also marked the arrival of chickens. CHICKENS, can you believe it? They might have arrived in December but again, my brain and a timeline are not in sync yet. I’ve lived out here on this closed down former Turkey Ranch for ten years now and have seen some of the strangest things!

I’ve had a fox walk past my window, I’ve had baby raccoons curl up in the corner of my steps (my son has video proof!), I’ve had what looked very much like a groundhog just mosey on up the path outside my window, I have had close encounters with the voles tearing up my lawn, I have eight pigeons that currently live in the Old Mill tanks, and a stray labrador appeared just after my father’s passing and is still here, and the list goes on and on. Did I mention my cardinal reappearing who hasn't been seen since last spring?!?!

Wild Turkey’s have wandered these cornfields for years but disappeared when the Turkey Ranch was active a few years ago, they knew slaughter when they smelled it and stayed away! They’ve returned in full force, I have about ten huge birds that visit my bird feeder as well as chickens! My son tells me I have to watch what I wish for. He remembers me for years saying I wanted chickens, then since my illness began I wanted free roaming ones. Then here they come, beautiful as ever, appearing out my window on a warm day, pecking at the birdseed meant for the birds that the squirrels have taken a liking to; I don’t mind at all. These are the highlights of my Days of Healing! 

They disappeared when we had a freeze, high wind, and snow, but hubby says he still hears the rooster crowing somewhere down the road. Now I want them back! I grow attached to my animals. I’m a nature lover at heart, animals are my friends, plants, trees, rocks, and butterflies are my meditative love. God is the internal Spirit that bestows these things upon me and I LOVE them as He’s asked me to do, what can I say.

Zech. 4:6 “Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.”

Zech. 4:8  “Moreover the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,” 

Rejoice and be happy, write and tell your story, rest for a season, share for a reason, and know, I am the Lord your God, with me NOTHING is impossible! I go in peace!

All praise and Glory to God!

Rom 8:6 “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”

January Third - Change

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January 3rd, 2019

“Make a POSITIVE change in the world by changing YOU first.” Joni

I’m full of these quotes. I think I’ll put together a book of quotes that are solely mine or should I say soulfully mine! I thought with the new year I’d see a change in people. I dunno, I think I expect people to realize the minute things in life like I do and sometimes they can’t even grasp the big things. I have to shake my head, I’ll pray in hopes I’ll see SOME change this year in others, not just myself. 

Change is hard stuff, I know. It’s not to be all puffed up in words, change is about taking action to move! How many people make new year’s resolutions, only to set themselves up for failure. How good that must feel when people tell themselves what a failure they are because they couldn’t change ONE thing. I never make resolutions and I never ay I'm going to do something and not do it, what a letdown. Stress-free living is not about letdowns.

Today the dismantling of Christmas took place. With the absence of Adam, this Christmas decorating and tearing down had a new back-breaking meaning! Talk about change! My son is now at his own place making his own rules and doing his own thing, while we had to accept the change and do things a little differently this Christmas.

Last night, I took all the ornaments off of the tree and boxed them up, readied them for the basement. I didn’t overdo it because I was sitting in my wheelchair and hubby placed everything on a small tv table so I had easy access to wrap and box the tree ornaments. He would do the tree and lights while I would do the other ornaments, mainly my snowmen! 

On this day, the tree came tumbling down so to speak, and we had the house looking like its old self in no time. I even had time to take a shower. Ah, the beloved shower that I missed for well over thirty days! Don’t get me wrong, I used the old-fashioned bucket and rag to bathe but it certainly is not the same as cleansing the whole body shower! 

We are now finding peaceful common ground. He is relaxing in taking care of my every need, and I am finding a sense of peace in being able to care more for myself. I have new freedoms in washing, and cleaning and do the Suzie Homemaker jobs that I LOVED before my accident. It was a stress-free Christmas and a relaxing calendar change, so much so my blog became a memory for a spell. I need to get back to telling my story but wanted some fill-ins for the New Year! 

The New Year - a blank page for you to write in every day to make a CHANGE! Change is free, not easy but free! Find the freedom in CHANGE! 

Winding Down... A Grand Finale

“The one who gets wisdom loves life; the one who cherishes understanding will soon prosper.” Proverbs 19:8 (NIV)

This might be one of those 'must read' posts as I wind down my blog. I've gone on hiatus many times over the years but this one is timely and essential as I need to continue healing. 

It all began back in 2005 when I started this blog, the posts didn't really feel right so I deleted the lame posts from 2005 and 2007. Then in 2008, it took off and I started getting followers and meeting other bloggers, some whom I am still friends with to this day on Facebook. It was a writing blog. A writer helping fellow writers follow their dreams as I too followed my dream of becoming a writer all the while sharing my love of God. 

Some liked that I spoke of God and I'm sure some were turned away by it, but those who liked it became my friends on Facebook, getting to know me on a more personal level. I don't remember the year the transition happened, the blog name went from One Voice, Write Right to Joni's Muse: The Poet Within. I know the transition happened at a time I was being called on every typo, misspelling and faux pas of my writing posts so I no longer felt like a reliable writing source to my fellow writers. It was no big deal, I'm a writer and we need to take criticism but sometimes, people are not gentle in their critique and even unintentionally downright hurt you!

I turned my writing muse to God and all that He's done for me. I didn't strive for grammar perfection, I just wanted to share my life story and all that I've learned over the years. No one could critique my story because it was/IS mine! My life, MY wounds, MY scars that I was sharing! People liked reading my story because I had an edge of reality, a blunt truth that not many people are willing to go into the depths of their soul and share. I shared over the years parts of my past that some would have rather kept buried but I brought it to light. I needed healing in my writing and releasing all the past wounds really helped me to find an inner peace. 

My blood family has no interest in my story. It is not their story but when I'm gone and they look over the truth, I'm sure they'll sit in shock that my story of the dysfunctional life I LIVED, is out there for the world to see. Not that the world reads my blog but many will reread all that they missed. While they [family] are back east living the life of caged emotions I am moving on and healing, not giving their lost love a second thought.

Then something happened in 2017 on the road to discovery, an illness to beat all illnesses wrapped around my body and carried me to a cave where I needed reflection and time to think just what all of this meant. I lost quite a few of what I thought were dear friends because I'm not a conventional gal by any means and they are smothered in conventional life, treatment, diagnosis, and illnesses. They live and breathe conventional where I breathe freely the air of truth that I'm given. I may be on my own with a few dear friends, my spiritual family, that have stayed with me and encourage and believe in the path I've chosen because they know, it wasn't MY choice it was the path that God chose for me. Who is anyone to judge another person's path? Whether right or wrong, it is their path, no one else's.

While I hurt over the abandonment, I see that maybe the ones who left were not really true friends and I've become okay with that. I've been alone most of my life anyway (yes with God by my side) and I'm used to not being the accepted one. Shoot, I didn't get bullied because I was Miss Popular! Then there is this year, the year of uncertainty. I'm healing, I'm moving on but from the outside world I sense fear and doubt that I can't handle on a daily basis. I don't feel many people understand what having an extra sense has caused me throughout my lifetime. People laugh and scoff in disbelief and I'm okay with that too. My own sister used to call it, 'that thing' that Joni has. She knew the extra sense existed but was never sure what to call 'that thing' that I have.

With the advent of change -- via Facebook (snooze, unfollow, and many more) options, Blogspot with their not sending my comments to my email and the ad thing from the European Union? along with not allowing 'followers' anymore, and my hits going from the 50-70 range down to the 10-20 range; everything is changing and I need to change right along with the times, it is calling me to change. 

We're also coming to a dim period of having to put my fourteen-year-old dog to sleep. It's a difficult decision for any family and this will surely keep me in my room crying for a spell. Change is coming on a personal level and a worldwide level whether anyone wants to believe it or not. I'm done listening to people who say memes annoy but then post their own. I'm tired of people not knowing a typo from a grammar mistake. I'm tired of everyone finding fault with everyone else but won't look in the mirror at their own faults. I'm also pained by watching a world silently killing themselves on drugs and toxic eating without a care to LIFE and living and making excuses for why they are the way they are.

I won't be alone. I have a strong faith and belief in God and we'll walk together on this journey and wherever we wind up will be by His grace and His alone. Just know, I AM healing and the journey IS moving right along as God has planned. I may continue to post poetry and pics, but my sharing days are done. I need me time for a bit. You all have the grace of God carrying you and may you all pace yourself where an inner healing takes place.  I pray my work for God was well received and that one person, because of my words, was changed in some way. I love you all!

Angel Always...Godspeed, my friends

Psalm 61:2-3, “From the ends of the earth, I cry to you for help when my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to the towering rock of safety, for you are my safe refuge, a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.” (NLT)

The Branch

I crawl out on the lonely branch, 

that can't sustain my weight. 

I try to creep so still in thought, 

reflecting on my fate. 

Up on top this tree so tall, 

I find a quiet place. 

Still are sounds that whistle through, 

the leaves a patient pace. 

What is this that breaks my thought, 

I’m not alone anymore? 

The presence is surrounding me; 

it haunts my very core. 

No longer alone, my thirst is quenched, 

my essence fed by might. 

Surrounded by the stillness of, 

the Radiant Branch of Light.

The Moral of the Story Is...

Easter April 1st, 2018 - Snow - Lots of it

Isa. 55:9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

The Moral of the Story... 

All week I was undecided whether I was going to make it to the family’s Easter gathering. Since I haven’t been able to walk really well for a month now I cried out and said if I can’t walk I’m not going. It isn’t as if his family hasn’t seen me in this weakened state. Remember I’ve spoken many of time how their eyes speak of pity, dripping of poor Joni looks. It hurts me to see that look on their faces. It’s not my fault I can read people, but their eyes being the window of their soul, their pity pours from their eyes.

All month I’ve struggled to get better. His mom came out last week for my birthday and brought me an enormous fruit tray! She asked if we’d be coming on Easter and defensively I said, “I don’t even know how I’ll feel tomorrow nevertheless in a week.” I left it at that because each new day is a challenge and I feel different every day.

This week I almost forced myself to feel better. One day I would walk well and I kept myself busy and the next day the cane was back in my hand. Each day that I feel better I find myself trying to do too much in a day and am in pain the very next day. It’s the new game of what will I feel today. Friday I washed clothes, scrubbed up the tub and bathroom, vacuumed the floor as if I was preparing for guests to arrive! Saturday I woke and didn’t feel bad at all and went on with my chore for the day and that was going to be to make my mother’s classic macaroni salad to take with me on our Easter outing. With determination in hand, I was intent on going to a family get-together.

All week long the weather was predicting a cold spell for Easter Sunday. Cold as in twenty to thirty degrees after a mixture of the fifties and sixties on the clickity-clanking roller coaster ride of the transitional winter-spring event. I don’t know what day it was when I checked the weather and the word snow popped up but I paid it no mind and went on to healing, physically and emotionally.

Friday came and I checked the weather and it said more than just snow, it said Winter Weather Advisory! For some reason, I thought it was a nasty unethical April Fools joke but I knew deep down the professionals in the field wouldn’t do something of that magnitude. They were now calling for three to five inches of snow, eight if you were under the heavy band that was attached to the storm.

I trudged ahead with my plans; it took my whole day Saturday to make the macaroni salad with every intention of going to see the family on Easter Sunday. A whole day to make macaroni salad you ask? Well, when it comes to steaming the shrimp, cutting up the stuff that goes in it, hard-boiling eggs and mixing the sauce, yes, it takes about four to five hours to make it perfect, the classic way I remember it being made from childhood.

Everything seemed to be going wrong! I made this dish for years now but this time everything was going wonky on me from the noodles to the eggs, step by step it just kept getting worse and worse! The two-pounds of macaroni noodles were not the right ones. I usually use just the simple generic elbows but these were name brand and apparently, two pounds of simple elbow macaroni to generic brands is different than the name brands. I had enough fancier ridged noodles than I knew what to do with! 

From what felt like overcooked noodles to the undercooked eggs, and my dog circling my feet wondering if anything would drop for her, to my back in wrenching pain, this wasn’t going well. I persisted and went on winding up with making a meal for the guys with the excess noodles I had, making me something to eat and having more than enough macaroni salad for all. The optimist in me reigns!

For the entire week of Holy Week, I stayed focused on my faith and winding down the Lenten season with all that I’ve learned. My mornings and writings, as usual, were scripture, my movies at night were God related; winding down at a nice pace, pain in check but persistence won out very easily.

I didn’t even think of the snow until Sunday morning came. I woke and as I peeked out the window I could see a blanket of cotton covering the darkness. As the sun, or lack thereof, began shedding light on the horizon, I could see what I couldn’t see an hour ago, a little more snow than I thought. My son was due to drive home in the wintry white slippery stuff, yet again, after his two nights a week graveyard shift ended. He came home sore because of the shoveling he had to do and the lugging of salt. 

As the blustery temps remained below freezing, the snow kept falling and falling rendering us homebound for the day. I wasn’t willing to drive in the stuff since my back cannot handle the swerves a slick icy/muddy road causes and my husband, being blind in one eye, has trouble differentiating the ditch and the road when it is all uniformly white. We played it safe and stayed home. His mom was disappointed but she wanted us all safe too. Other family members couldn’t make it either, so I didn’t feel too bad about not being able to attend. Maybe she should set the time later than twelve noon from now on. Nope, tradition is tradition and one thing I’ve learned from this family is that they are steeped in routine and tradition.

I didn’t plan on being home for the day so now I had to figure out a meal. Plans are made to be broken I get, but I was certainly not ready for it to be seven inches of snow on April first to be what kept us home. Yes, we could’ve trudged through the snow, after all that is another thing I learned about Nebraskan’s, they don’t let snow stop them from anything. I live in a 4x4 red, white, and black state, Husker nation through and through.

By two o’clock the sun had pierced through the heavy blanket of clouds and the snow had finally stopped. I had shoveled a path for my dog earlier and the path was all but gone, filled in with snow, except for a sliver of brown peeking through. The roads looked very passable and finally cars were passing on the now slushy mess. The warming of the ground from many fifty and sixty degree days helped alleviate the plowing of the snow. The eight inches of snow I brushed from the truck was now sliding off the roof that I couldn’t reach, but the grass was still thick in the middle of the white stuff that defined the majority of the ‘Winter from Hell’! Temperatures stayed in the twenties the entire day of April 1st, 2018.

Then the words came through the tunnel…I have to go to the emergency room. * thud * I nearly fainted at the sight of blood and was rendered useless. Wrapped in gauze my husband drove off as I nurtured my near-fainting, dizzying spell and vomiting. Four stitches later and two hours passed (I was still woozy) my husband made it back home. Unless you want me to pass out, please don’t ask me what happened in my hubby’s new ‘workshop’. Use your imagination, DO NOT ASK! 

All in all the ending of the Lenten season’s highlight was the moral of the entire season; our plans are not God’s plans! Our ways are not His ways! He can and WILL do whatever He sets in motion to do! No one else is in control but Him! Let loose of the ego in you and be reminded, God is good all the time, ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD! 

Pss. 118: 5  “I called upon the LORD in distress: the LORD answered me, and set me in a large place.

[6] The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?”

[8] It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

4 1 18 - Chrismas Pointsettias covered in snow! 

We couldn't have Easter without Christmas now, can we? 

The Road Less Traveled

 2 Cor. 10:17 “But he that glorieth, let him glory in the Lord.” 

The Road Less Traveled

Out here where I live, the roads less traveled are marked as ‘road not serviced’ meaning the dirt road is not graded and will be bumpy and uneven in places. We sometimes go down these roads just out of curiosity and intrigued by what lies ahead.

I’ve noticed in these very trying times, many people are more than likely to stick to the here and now familiarity. To me, it seems God is not allotting time for the familiar and is throwing us all on the road less traveled. I see over and over again people thinking that they control their circumstances and don’t really rely on God. It’s as if He is the ‘go to’ guy and not the depended upon King of Kings that He is!

When I was diagnosed with this ‘dire disease’ that everyone has their own ideas about, but me, being different as I am, I chose the road less traveled. On this bumpy and at times uncertain road I’m met with the ungraded surface of people that don’t understand and are not willing to even learn. Is society so set it in its ways that there is no room for growth?

I’m alive in a time of miracles and people move in a robotic routine state on the conveyor belt of life. As winds and storms take aim, as civility has ceased to exist, as doctors are no longer the healers of their profession but basically drug dealers with a license, the world is in utter chaos.

I’m alive and grateful for every living day. As I continue on down this road less traveled, I don’t have to see the hurried people on the highway of life. I don’t have to be a witness to the ‘me first’ society on the roundabouts that hurry people along. I don’t have to be a part of the political correctness of the world. I bow to no one but my Lord and Savior.

While blessings abound in my neck of the woods, I do get to witness God and all His glory. While some might not see a simple change in the schedule as a blessing, I don’t and never have believed in mere coincidences. We’ve had high winds for close to forty-eight hours now. I’m not talking about 10-20 mph winds, I’m talking 30-35mph sustained winds which means constant and unending, with GUSTS hitting the fifty and sixty mph range. Two whole days of unending wind, which doesn’t make travel easy, now does it? 

It doesn’t show up in news reports of our wind because I’m out in the middle of nowhere in a state that basically is invisible in a country overrun by big cities facing their own impending storms and damage. A blessing (to me) was when a girl at my husbands' job wanted to ‘switch’ days off with him. I knew today would be another day of hard to drive into work on our measly two-lane roads. Let a wind gust push you into the oncoming lane’s traffic, which happened Sunday as we went food shopping. Hubby said that yesterday the wind pushed him all over the road going to work, so I was not looking forward to both my guys having to drive in this stuff. Yes, God will protect them no matter what.

Today both hubby and son are off of work! Coincidence? I think not. A gentleman at my son’s work asked (last night) if he could switch days off and my son was more than happy to oblige. To me, that is two blessings! God is keeping a careful eye on my stress levels and keeping my family safe. After trying to venture outdoors yesterday and nearly getting pushed down the stairs by the gusting winds, I barely made it back up the steps to come in the house and the entire incident left me kind of shaken. I think I’ve lost more weight than I thought.

Today, tossed into the mix, is a light snowfall where north of me is facing blizzard conditions after a seventy-degree weekend! I thought Spring was in the air but God has other plans for the world and it isn’t a gay old merry day for Spring, it’s downright winter until March 21 and then some. Maybe another blessing will be in the forced Changing of the Clocks this weekend. Yes, we SPRING FORWARD to lose an hour but we gain an extra hour of sunlight that just might possibly warm our days. Not that I’ve seen much sunlight this winter anyway and I’ve done an abnormal amount of complaining this winter season too. I pray for change with my coming New Year celebration on April 1st.

1 Cor. 15:51 "Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed,"

Cowardly Lion

Joshua 1:9  “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

The Cowardly Lion

I’m sure you’ve all seen the Wizard of Oz right? When I think of a coward I think of the Cowardly Lion and how he reacted to everything. Was there a reason he feared all of the time?

Dorothy: My goodness, what a fuss you're making! Well naturally, when you go around picking on things weaker than you are. Why, you're nothing but a great big coward!

Cowardly Lion: [crying] You're right, I am a coward! I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself.

Cowardly Lion: Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks!

Tin Woodsman: Why don't you try counting sheep?

Cowardly Lion: That doesn't do any good, I'm afraid of ‘em.

The Cowardly Lion may not have been a coward, he just didn’t have any faith in himself to tackle anything thrown at him. He was probably always led to believe what others told him, and they are the ones who instilled fear in the gentle giant. It wasn’t until he was told he held the power within him to be a royal King could he ever give courage the chance to shine. 

When I used the word coward the other day I didn’t mean it in the harshest sense of the word. I do not think people are cowards who choose the easier way to their problems or illnesses. You had the courage to go to the doctor and you took what the doctor said as solid gold. Why? Because we were raised and conditioned to believe that the doctor is always right and could never be wrong. That is not cowardice! It’s just a different route, a tried and true acceptable route to millions, but not a route for ME.

Just as the four characters on the yellow brick road in Oz soon found out the truth about the Great and Powerful Oz, he was just a man and didn’t hold the power he claimed! Do you remember all that they endured getting a chance to even SEE Oz? I’m sure you’ve also heard or read about the symbolism of the great movie. 

This movie very well could have been written with every intention of all the symbolism but we are conditioned to see the beauty in the movie. I love the symbolism of Toto, the little dog of Dorothy. He stands for the little guy, interestingly enough, not much unlike myself standing up to the Great and Powerful Medical and Pharmaceutical world. I would’ve rather been Dorothy, but no, I’m much smaller than her. No one likes ‘that little dog’.

I’m not into politics but going against the medical field kind of ties one into the political aspect of all that the government does to see us little people stuck in the trap they set for us. From forcing vaccines, to the overuse of pharmaceuticals, from food rationing, to aid after a storm, everything in America is tied in some way, shape or form to the political arena. And that is just what it is, an arena,  a win or lose battle.

I in no way meant to demean your decision in going the slice, dice, medicate route. That journey holds its own kind of bravery and you’ve earned the Victory of Survivor in your own right! I’m just CHOOSING a different path because it is my right as a human being. So my government and all of their spin-offs (pharma., Drs., etc.) leave me in the dust it just makes my journey a little more challenging. I don’t get a parade; I don’t get unending charitable donations; I don’t get much support from the Big C community (only from the small groups on Facebook that I join). I certainly don’t get medical or political support. 

Failure is not in my vocabulary these days. While many people fear and cower I push on, right or wrong. Funny thing is, I won’t have an inkling if I was wrong until long after I’m gone, I’m that optimistic on this path I’m on!

My body is working FOR me not against me. We’ve been told for years when faced with a diagnosis of the dire kind, that our bodies are working against us. We believe Dr. Oz to be right and we think we need drugs. We dance our way down the Yellow Brick Road and end up in the poorhouse, not at the Emerald City where the movie leads the characters.

Our bodies were created to fight FOR us, not against us! Our immune system is so intricate that the Creator has in place the ability for our system to attack invading illnesses. Our systems were not built to recognize drugs in our system, that is when we become like the Cowardly Lion. When we believe that our bodies are attacking us, do you know and understand the negative connotation that goes along with that belief? Your body begins shutting down believing YOU’RE the one giving up on IT! They tell you your lymph nodes need removal but that is taking away your very defense mechanism in your DNA make-up!

To counterattack, you need to BELIEVE you have the ability to FIGHT any invader in your body and do something to change your line of thinking and winning. Don’t be led down an imaginary path, don’t believe everything the Great Oz or your doctor tells you, question everything! Ask the right questions and find a Naturopath in your area. In the end, you won’t wind up in a fairytale city, you’ll find yourself Somewhere Over the Rainbow, a picture of health and beauty! 

Gateway to Health: Conclusion

Rev. 8:13 "And I beheld, and heard an angel flying through the midst of heaven, saying with a loud voice, Woe, woe, woe, to the inhabiters of the earth by reason of the other voices of the trumpet of the three angels, which are yet to sound!"

Gateway to Health: Conclusion

Value Yourself!

I am concluding my Gateway to Health Series. I’ve shown you all I can about changing your diet, and the essential exercise necessary (simply walking 20-30 minutes a day or more) to keep blood flowing through your lymph nodes. I’ve told you of my successes and my failures, my ups and downs, and everything in between; now its time to let you fly. 

I realized that I might not have shown you one thing and that is to value yourself. I think people are so caught up in the fast pace of society, trying the fish joint, or the new burger palace or eating at that restaurant because of tradition and not many will give pause to waiting, valuing themselves enough to change their order for a healthier solution. People don’t think themselves worthy enough to save or are worth eating healthy to save themselves from numerous doctors visits to stay alive.

Statistically, only twenty percent of the people are willing to change their diet to save themselves from imminent death. Life is too short they say, you only live once they murmur, ‘hey, we all gotta die from something’. I get it, I know what you’re saying. Me, I’ve had the wake-up call of a lifetime. I’ve been given the opportunity to live instead of dying a slow, long drawn out, painful, drug-induced death. I’m one of the twenty percentiles that value living more than dying.

I have a Spider plant that I’ve had for about twelve years. It was always drooping no matter what I did. I watered, fed, and fertilized it but it continuously drooped. With the Christmas season came a rearranging of plants. I sat my Spider Plant in a window where it gets to see the sunrise every morning. Within two months, this looks like a whole new plant, reaching for the sky, turning towards the sun, and reproducing by having babies! 

I did something right and never moved the plant back to its previous spot. I let my plant flourish and grow. It listened to me when I said you need to have a change or you’re going to die. I know a lot of folks don’t believe plants know anything but let me tell you, weird Joni has witnessed this living breathing plant extend its life with CHANGE! That is my very reason for writing to you, so maybe you’ll change to live.

I could’ve left the plant where it was and just let it limp through life with wilted leaves but I knew a drastic change was in order for me to see this plant live up to its potential. That is all I want for my human friends who can actually change on their own, live up to your full potential, is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is. I can offer sunshine but most of the time I think your shades are drawn. I can offer you something new but too often you cling to the old. Old habits are hard to break, or so they say.

1 Thess. 5:24 “Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.”

1 Thess. 5 is almost the same thing (as in so many scripture verses) that cries out to you, a guide for you, and an aid in hard times and struggles but do you adhere? If you are not going to listen to the Holy Bible who am I to think you’d change your diet because of a few words I pen? I cry out to you to change, not to shame you or judge you, I do it because I want you to live and not be imprisoned by the drugs that will usher you to your death.

To get through the Gateway to Health there is no other entry than to walk through it, taking the first step towards change. Even the smallest of steps will have you feeling the value of life. If you’re not willing to change then go to your doctor, ask him what drug will make the slow process of death easier on you because it seems that is all anyone wants is an easy route to get from point A to point B. 

A year into my changed protocol, I struggle daily with pains, ups, and downs and don’t feel much unlike Elijah in many ways. I understand the trial I must endure and it is not the easy route in life; I cry out.

1 Kgs. 19:4 “But he himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree: and he requested for himself that he might die; and said, It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life; for I am not better than my fathers.”

When I cry out to Him, God assures me of another path, one where I live and I’m shown the value of my life, my journey and the end reward. Am I wrong in wanting the same for my fellow man?

1 Kgs. 19:5-8 And as he lay and slept under a juniper tree, behold, then an angel touched him, and said unto him, Arise and eat. And he looked, and, behold, there was a cake baken on the coals, and a cruse of water at his head. And he did eat and drink, and laid him down again. And the angel of the LORD came again the second time, and touched him, and said, Arise and eat; because the journey is too great for thee. And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.

My journey is far from over. I will move forward with the strength of an army of angels plowing forward bringing peace and goodwill to man. I cannot devalue my life, my soul is too precious whether good or bad instances flare up, I roll right along facing what I must. My wish for you is that when you look in the mirror you see the value in yourself before giving in completely to the darkness that leads you in the wrong direction; strolling down the darkened path where the gateway of health is closed to you.

When God extends his hand, do you turn away? When He gives you a second chance, do you toss it in the garbage pail outside the fast food restaurant? When God speaks, do you listen or are your earplugs in and you only hear what you want to hear, when you want to hear it? I’ve had every opportunity that you’ve had, to listen to everyone else, go the easy route, to be thrown on the table to be sliced, diced and medicated or go the tough route of listening to the whispers of something greater out there in the void of the cosmos. I chose the harder route but, to me, the better route.

I’m now making a choice to conclude my Gateway to Health series and allowing you to decide for yourself whether you’re worth living or dying. Do you value your life or are you content with your health, weight, prognosis, or diagnosis? If you said no, then do something about it, change is within your grasp. Take a chance, that’s all. Either fall or walk, stumble or crawl, whatever you decide you’re WORTH it to stay alive!

May the Grace of the Lord be upon you all! 

Angel always…Godspeed my friends…

Wasted Words

Pss. 91:2 “I will say of the LORD, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

Wasted Words

Can words ever be wasted? You know, you toss words out into the void and hope they land on virgin ears where they are cherished and utilized to build a house of stone. More times than not they fall to the eyes of the blind where they’re crumpled up and tossed away on the sands of the shore; washed out to sea. Wasted words is what I call them, where you speak and no one listens.

I like to consider myself a very sensitive person. When I read words I take them to my heart and run them earnestly through my system to see where they can be used for the greatest benefit to my being. If I have to switch the words around, I will as long as the strength in the meaning stays the same.

This cancer that has invaded my body is the wakeup call I needed to show me just where in space and time I have wasted portions of my life. If someone says, ‘this is what worked for me’, I try the protocol out to see if it works for me also, if not, I toss it away like everyone else does. Words, on the other hand, they’re of value to me, I wash them down my throat like water quenching my thirst on a hot muggy day.

I remember a time about thirty years ago or so when recycling was a big thing for me. I was informed by recycling paper, plastic, glass, and metals like tin and aluminum could possibly save the world in which we live and help in the destruction of the atmosphere that man has brought upon the earth in rapid succession. Climate change, global warming or whatever they are calling it these days, didn’t happen in a normal progression of time, we sped up the destruction by not caring and our over industrialization.

So when I heard recycling could ‘help’ seal the growing hole in the ozone, I went to it and became a recycle crazy woman. Fast forward thirty years, the hole is growing bigger, many people think recycling is a waste of time, a joke, and a laughing matter. Just this year, after thirty years of trying to save the world, my trash now gets tossed out like everyone else’s, in the dump of the earth. No one else gives a flying fig about the planet, why should I be alone? On some level I feel guilty when witnessing the destruction when I see polar bears vying for life in the arctic waters once home to icebergs but are no more. Shame that my fellow man allows death over the building and saving of a precious ecosystem.

I imagine millennia in time when God spoke to His people and some listened carefully and documented His word to be carried so far in the future that to this day we still read the foundational Words and covenants of a bygone era. As years passed by, all too many people didn’t want those words to shape their houses and shores. Like waste, they were tossed out to sea, now inhabited on barges that circle the globe because no one has room for the bulk of the waste or knows what to do with the magnitude of truth facing them.

Have they wasted words? On a physical level, waste is what it is, excrement that is no longer needed for the production of results. Words, on the other hand, continue on to this day like clay, to be shaped and molded into a beautiful cistern that holds words, thoughts, and the essence of your very being. Language and communication are essential to anyone whether they can see or hear. The human body has the biggest organ on display and that is skin, with it the ability to touch and like a thumbprint, no one is alive today without the innate ability to feel.

Wasted, what is the meaning? I remember a time when I drank booze, I always heard the term wasted, ‘she or he got wasted’. The dictionary defines waste as ‘done to no avail or useless’, That is exactly what humankind has done with everything that we were freely given; wasted pretty much of the essential nutrients that keep us shaped and formed. Look at the world, look at our bodies, all waste that has gone unshaped.

When I wake in the morning and watch the sunrise, whether hidden behind clouds or not I know the Sonrise is always there for me and I ask of Him, Lord, what will you have me write of today? This morning with a heavy heart, He replied, WASTE. 

Whether wasted words, wasted refuse, wasted time, wasted life, I understood through discernment what He was telling me to write about. We have wasted His Word, in essence, we have wasted our world. There is no recycling that is going to save us only what words you listen and adhere to on a minute level. 

As I go on with my day I will hold these words I wrote in my heart and I will pray throughout the day that my words land on someone that can use them and not waste what they are hearing, seeing, touching, feeling. Embrace the momentum of the day with change. Be prepared to change your heart, your mind, your body and your soul. We have limited time that was not given for us to waste.

All of my Praise and Glory goes to Him! 

Pss. 18:2 “The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower.”

What They Don't Say

Job 8:14 “Whose hope shall be cut off, and whose trust shall be a spider's web.”

What They Don’t Say

Did you know that arthritis, multiple sclerosis, Hashimoto's diseases and more are all auto-immune diseases? Not much unlike cancer, these diseases most of the time can all be safely treated without drugs but that is not what your doctor says. What they do say is here’s a drug and it is the only way to find relief from continuous pain. What they don’t say is that changing your diet and exercise has a profound effect on your longevity with a pain-free existence. They steal your hope.

I’ve said over and over again to change your diet, relieve your pain and illness and over and over again I hear people not having any success because they don’t have the willpower to save themselves, they’d much rather think a drug can do all the work for them.

Why is there a war on health? Why have doctors made healthy eating a back-burner portion of your visit? Why don’t they hold knowledge of what actually heals a person instead of basically killing people with drugs? Had doctors been taught this information to begin with many of our parents, grandparents, children, and grandchildren would not have died. I hear all too often that a doctor saved a life because the drug kept momma stable, alive for a few more years. Baloney!

Maybe drugs are a necessity, maybe they can help, but does the doctor offer you the change in diet FIRST as a level of defense to fight what ails you? If he told you that you had to give up dairy, meat, or caffeine would you take a drug over changing? I believe you would. We live in a self-satisfying world addicted to sugar, oils, meat, fat, and drugs.

I believe when I gave up alcohol all those years ago, on my own, without a twelve step program that was, to me, proof that I had the willpower to fight anything that was thrown at me. Granted, that this wretched disease is a little bigger than an alcohol addiction.

It pains me to see friends sick on a daily basis. Every day it seems I’m bombarded with news of people with the flu, stomach virus’, colds and everything in between. I have to stay away from the social arena for days because of the negative invasion of illnesses and the unhealthy eating habits and no one willing to change. Stay in bed, pop some pills, go to the doctor, remain sick for days or weeks. Change? That’s not an option, they’d rather whine and pop pills, it’s a safer route than change.

I often think of how far I’ve come and how tempted I am when around people who are living it up in the toxin-filled world. It’s not easy choosing vegetables over a cheese-smothered pizza, it would be so easy to choose a Pepsi over a glass of water, a chip over a grape, the list goes on and on. It’s not easy staying alert and watching every single thing that goes in my mouth. A crash is basically inevitable as long as I allow the negative influx of my surroundings to have an impact.

This calls to mind the disciples when Jesus went to pray, were asked to sit and watch, each time Jesus returned they were asleep. Each time I tell someone to help them change their diet and keep sickness at bay, they eat and eat and eat everything that is making them sick to begin with. It’s as if they’ve fallen asleep and my words fall on deaf ear. They don’t have time to change, they can’t or won’t change or it’s just too hard to change. If they’re going to die, they’re going to die happy and unhealthy. You can’t take a healthy body with you, right?

After reading yesterday’s post, you see I hit a roadblock. I’m as human as everyone else and I fall too. I only had a pizza, and it would’ve been very easy for me to cave in and drink a Pepsi, or guzzle some alcohol. I chose the lesser of two evils and had pizza. It’s bound to happen but I was not ready for the emotional roller coaster that came before the crash.

My mind plays tricks on me as I imagine each and every one of you fight with before indulging in something you know isn’t good for you but you do it anyway as a form of comfort. I needed comfort from my toying thoughts. As time passes by I wonder about things. I guess it’s normal since I’ve chosen this path without the medical field supporting me. But rest assured, I wonder.

So I hit a speed bump in my journey. Nothing new there, we’re all bound to come across one or two when fighting addictions, diet change, or on a health-filled journey. I need to brush myself off and get back in the saddle again and ride onto victory. It can be done and won.

I rode my stationary bike like there was no tomorrow and I went on a journey of riding down a sun-laden country road with blooming trees and a melody keeping me focused. It felt great to get away and when I looked out the window and saw more intense snowfall and shivering temps in the teens, I kept peddling. My bike ride took me away from the negative world into a wonder-filled palace that I’ll be visiting quite a few times until I get myself out of this funk.

The winter in life is almost over and spring is just around the corner. A time to shed clothes and peel away layers of inhibitions and be proud of making it through the dormant season into the blossoming Springtime of life! I haven’t made it yet but just a few more weeks and I’ll be well on my way to victory. Are you going to say the same thing? Are you at least trying to change?

What they don’t say is that there is HOPE for some change! If your doctor or your path isn’t brimming with hope and possibilities, it’s time to find a path that will lead to success. If lil old me can do it, I do have hope that you can too! 

Job 6:11 “What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?”

The Outbreak of Insanity

Isa. 65:17 "For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind."

The Outbreak of Insanity

As I sit in the quiet of the morning reading, writing, pondering I look out the window at darkness. Soon light starts giving shape and form to objects, then the sun ascends lending warmth to all of the earth. That’s a cosmic take on how my morning begins.

On a spiritual level, I look out at the darkness and wonder who or what the depths of the night has smothered the previous day, darkened by insanity. It only takes one quick click to realize that the insanity has flooded the shores and the humans respond in anger and with that outburst of anger people die. 

It is well known that I’m weird, that I seek light before darkness and that I stay in the catacombs of my mind away from the outside forces that try to break me down. This past year has been no different where I kept all of the negativity at bay, choosing to hold onto a lightsaber in a world obsessed with a dark invader. I try to tell people about the effects of negativity on every single thing on this earth and out in the cosmic realm too, but I’m laughed at because, in reality, people don’t see light and dark, they don’t see energy as positive and negative, they see here and now and nothing more.

Here’s a science lesson for you today. Toxins are a form of negative energy. The releasing of toxins in your system all has a negative effect on every aspect of your health on a cellular level that makes up this body. This is why disease strikes. In some way, you understand this but are resistant because you believe you fill yourself with enough positive to keep any illness away from you. 

When tragedy strikes, you are saddened, you hurt, you’re angry, and you’re filled with disgust. You try to throw a speck of positivity into the mixture like adding water to oil. The oil is a tiny particle of negative energy trying to penetrate the overflowing positive soul. Your positive crumbs add very little to the realm of negative energy. 

We live in a world where insanity is overflowing. Like mold clinging to the dampened walls, a good scrub will not eradicate the fungus. Cancer is very much like a dirty fungus invading a body, a powerful scrubbing will appear to be cleaning you up but if you don’t change the toxins that created the mold; the fungus is going to continue to fester in a weakened body that no longer has the ability to fight off the growth.

My cells are damaged. I know because I have an internal system overrun with a fungus that a good radioactive cleaning doesn’t hold the power to cleanse. I remember being told by an oncologist that radiation would ‘take care’ of my psoriasis too as well as the dark invader of my cells. What he didn’t want to say was how the radiation would also kill the only good, living, combating cells that were left in my molecular structure. In other words, he wanted to add oil (radiate) to water (my spirit-filled soul). 

Your body is over 50% water, depending on the toxins or non-toxic level of input to your system. Fatty tissue contains less water than the lean meat of your body. If you’re overweight, that means you have an intense toxic system and more likely to get sick often and are basically a highway for virus’ and infections to invade. Eating the occasional salad is not going to help clean up the cells of your compromised system.

Sure you can get a quick fix, doctor’s offices hand out prescription candy like it was a trick-or-treat festival, come one come all, have some candy to poison your system. You can take the positive route or take the highway to hell, just don’t assume a salad is going to save you in a toxic world.

I woke this morning with the Son in my soul. Even though the clouds hide the sun, He is still there., every minute of every day. I could’ve gone to the negative news stream, allowed the insanity to penetrate my day and try and drown out the garden I have planted in my soul blooming for all of the world to see or for none to see.

While dark matter is its own force to reckon with the penetrating culprit of negativity cannot lead us. We must rise above the realms of darkness and allow the Light to filter out our toxic garbage.

Philip. 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

When we take a stand and actually work for change, change will happen. If you don’t change your entire being (the toxins you put in your system, the hate you spew, the negative thoughts you allow to seep in) nothing is going to change. Here is an excellent link to guide you to change. It is well worth the read.

As I go on my weird merry way I am continually working toward change. I am only one person setting out to change the view of the world. We cannot allow insanity to leak in and damage our hard work to change. Change your mind, body, and soul and you change the outbreak of insanity across the world!

Pss. 111:5 "He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant."