Poetry Sunday: We Are One

John 20:29 “Then Jesus told him, ‘Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.’” 

We Are One

I am the branch and He the vine

or the other way around 

so intertwined.

I am the shadow He is the Light

I fall to the ground without

                                         a sight.                                          

I am the wick and He the spark

illuminating space there is

no dark

I am without as He is within

breathless purity leaves

                                       no sin.                                        

I am the bride, He is the groom

loving relationship in

full bloom.

I am the vine, He the branch

integrated as One

mortal chance.      

I am the branch and He the vine

communal spirits 

natural design.    

Quotes for the First Saturday of 2019

2 Cor. 1:21 "Now he which stablisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, is God;"

Quotes for a New Year Saturday

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.” 
~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, 
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” 
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” 
~ Douglas Adams

“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire 
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For, 
May your arms Never Tire.” 
~ D. Simone

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” 
~ Albert Einstein

“When one's life has been shattered into a million pieces, most set out to pick up the pieces & rebuild. Others look at those broken pieces & decide this is their opportunity to start anew, the bigger picture comes into view. They see more, & want better so they leave those pieces scattered as a memorial to who they used to be!” 
~ Sanjo Jendayi

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
~ Marianne Williamson

God has blessed me!

It doesn’t mean He hasn’t blessed you, it means we all see blessings differently. Just like life, some take it for granted while others cherish every thread that leads to life. I am not blind to the darkness of this world, I just choose not to dwell there in the playground and then come home to dance in the Light. I AM TRULY BLESSED! I walk in the Light so others can see me and hopefully a little spark of mine touches them and they begin to see the Light also! 

Happy New Year, my Spiritual Family, for without you, my light might have been dimmed. God bless you all! 

HOME! The Real Miracle

Ex. 28:17 "And thou shalt set in it settings of stones, even four rows of stones: the first row shall be a sardius, a topaz, and a carbuncle: this shall be the first row."

Home, The Last Five Days of Rehab: The Stones

Monday came. Ray and I were awakened because she had dialysis that day. They woke her, dressed her, and had her ready for pick-up. On her ‘D’ days, she was grumpy and irritable, talking and cursing under her breath, swearing she was going to find a new home. I had the feeling since she had been there for three years, this was the best place she could find. I didn’t get all of the details on her that I would’ve liked but I knew enough to know, she was settled and she was staying. The nurses loved her and that was truly important in this place.

I woke because well, they’re pretty noisy in getting Ray dressed and ready and I want to grab someone to help me before they leave, so I was always awake at five a.m. This morning I would once again wait to receive my medications but I realize that this is the norm for this place, you get them when you get them. 

Today was the day that my voice was going to be heard, about my meds, about the disaster that happened Saturday and how this place is a pit from hell with incapacitated elderly people sprawled throughout. There were some who actually walked but honestly, the only one that I saw was Santa! But they already knew all of this and it’s really not telling them anything they don’t already know.

From around the curtain popped the one nurse from Sunday that I knew, Cathy and the aide Sondra. Cathy asked if I’d had my coffee yet today and when I said no she ran and got me one while Sondra cleaned up the previous trays from the day before. I told them that I’d be leaving this place by Friday if I could and they were like, “Awww, but you’ll be missed!” I told them that this place was becoming too traumatic a journey for me and a hindrance any healing. They both nodded and understood completely.

My physical therapy consisted of some leg lifts and exercises to prepare my leg to bend. For too many days my leg had stayed straight and felt like it would never bend again but I knew, in order to get out, I would work on bending my leg, one gentle step at a time. While physical and occupational therapy lasted a half hour tops, I worked out five times a day. My right arm was becoming stronger and stronger and helped immensely when I needed to push myself back on the bed.

Today was about Jacki and Erikka. Jacki was one of the administrators of the building as was Erikka. When Jacki came in she said she wanted to hear my side of the story about Saturday because she had heard everyone else's side. She also wanted to show me a stone. A precious purple stone, so shiny it lit the room. I looked at it and thought of Santa and his words of wisdom, ‘looking at the stone reminded me of looking at a million mountains’. This stone was chiseled from someplace special I could tell. She let me hold it and then she sat it in the sun in the window. “I can only loan this to you for the day but I want this to lift your spirits.” I had tears in my eyes as I said thank you. I always had the ladies laughing and she knew I was not in a good way this day, she knew I needed a lift and at this moment God used her to bring a beautiful stone to lift my spirit. Don’t judge me, I needed EVERYTHING I could get in that place to lift me up!

When Erikka walked in a little later carrying a bigger rock, a multi-colored stone that looked like it jumped right out of a scene of a Superman movie, I cried. Why is God bringing me these beautiful chiseled stones or is satan taunting me. I was so weak I could not tell so I prayed, for wisdom and knowledge that would lead me in the way I should go. The one main thing I received from these two visitors was the realization that I had allies in this place of doom, they were the ones who would see me out the front door! 

The nights of darkness enveloped me and sealed me in a cocoon. The voices, the shadows all played like a kaleidoscope in my head. I was hurting mentally and physically and all I had to cling to was my God in the most powerful way, alone and being tried. The stone sat in the window cove with my hospital treasures awaiting the sun so the brilliance of colors could shine through. The clouds and rain kept the stone from its glory.

We had a dilemma this week. For me to get home, I would need a ramp built so I could get into the house. Everything IN the house was already handicap ready. The other thing I needed was to get my leg bent! No matter how much I was fighting to get out of here, I could go nowhere if I couldn’t get into my car.

Erikka came into my room, sat on the side of the bed and whispered in her soft angelic voice, “Just say the word, and I can have you home today.” Erikka was a thin beautiful woman with sunrise orange hair pulled on top of her head. She glided in the room so as to look like she was floating. Sometimes her hair was flowing down her back over her modest vest of a matte color, eyes as blue as a cloudless sky.

Through tears I explained the dilemma, my leg needs to bend and we need a ramp built. I could taste home. Although I forgot what the back of the house looked like, how my flowers circled the house the last time I saw them, my Sassy dog was no longer there to greet me and Riley, the guys said, was playing hide and seek, she KNEW I wasn’t there. AND there was the fear of what home held for me. Joni was in need of a miracle!

After two weeks of discussion about a ramp being built and the cost, it seemed it just couldn't be done. Worry swept in like a Texas dust storm! They will not release me until they’re sure I have everything right at home. Steven had already taken on so much with taking care of me and running back and forth getting me stuff, he was now frazzled and ready for the hospital himself, just a different ward, if you know what I mean. Then in stepped his brother. Apparently, mom had contacted him, told him of our troubles, he contacted hubby and the only day he had off work to do the ramp was Wednesday, he could get the ramp done in a day! Now, all we needed was the weather to comply.

We had five days straight of cloudy, rainy, chilly weather after the day of me sitting in the sun seeing Santa. Forty-degrees and wind is pretty chilly, no, downright cold! I needed a miracle! Hubby was looking at the weather on his computer and he said that it looked like I’d get my miracle, a break in the weather for ONE DAY, Wednesday! It would be in the seventies! I thought, yeah, that will be a miracle.

Wednesday came, the SUN rose and peeked in my window, it reported loudly that today I’d get my miracle! I waited, I had coffee, I chatted with the nurses and assured them with great certainty that Friday I would be released! They hugged me, told me how much they’d miss me, we laughed and we cried, and we all commented on how I was the little miracle of St. John’s nursing home! 

By afternoon the day had topped out at eighty some degrees! The ramp was finished, paid for by his brother, and a pic was sent to my phone so I could show the Administrators of what this little miracle was capable of. They all agreed, Joni would be going home on Friday! Ray was mighty sad because ‘we’re fwends, right?’ I’ll never forget you, Ray! 

The one lady who saw to it that I got into this place kept telling me that my insurance had agreed to pay for another week if I needed. I laughed so hard I woke Ray up from her nap. “No thank you, I AM GOING HOME!”

On Thursday the cool temps and clouds returned, I readied for my Friday release! In the wee hours of Friday morning when I pushed the button for a nurse to bring me my meds, around the corner came Erikka, the beautiful angel who only worked day shift! She came in to do night shift JUST FOR ME! 

“Joni?” she whispered in her ever soft voice.

I sat straight up, I knew the voice. I tapped my dim light and saw her aura shining, “Erikka? Is that you,” tears came too easily when she said yes and sat next to me on the edge of my bed.

After giving me my meds, she went on in her whispering voice, “I brought you a healing stone,” she went on, “this stone was broken in half, in the morning light, you’ll see the crack and how it healed itself!”

Tears were now soaking my face and dripping down my chest. I grabbed for a kleenex, I was speechless. “You came for ME?” 

“Yes,” she said, “I prayed for you, for what to give you, I bring you the healing stone.” 

Our eyes met, mine blurred from tears and her blue eyes were brimming, with joy. She pressed the stone into my hand. “I might never see you again.” I squeaked out of my hoarse voice.

“Oh, I think you’ll see me again, you can fly!” With a tight hug and our farewells, she was gone.

Friday sunrise came and it was release day. I could’ve gotten out at nine a.m. but I chose to wait for Ray to come back from dialysis. The nurses were shocked to say the least, that someone so eager to get out, would stay, just for Ray. I stayed! Ray came back, peeked around the curtain and with her last, “Whacha doin’?” I said to her, “Waiting for you!” I gave her the last of my chips tied in a purple ribbon, her favorite color! 

The nurses came in, said their goodbyes and tears were shared by all. I made an impact on every single person I came in contact with during my ten-day stay. Hubby got the car ready, emptied my room of my contents, as I looked at the trays from the prior day and the full commode from that morning I whispered, “I won’t miss you!” 

I was wheeled to my car, passing nurses as I went, I waved with the biggest smile on my face to date… I was going HOME! 

Solar Eclipse from 8-21-17

1 Kgs.10:2 "And she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, with camels that bare spices, and very much gold, and precious stones: and when she was come to Solomon, she communed with him of all that was in her heart."

Josh. 4:8 And the children of Israel did so as Joshua commanded, and took up twelve stones out of the midst of Jordan, as the LORD spake unto Joshua, according to the number of the tribes of the children of Israel, and carried them over with them unto the place where they lodged, and laid them down there.

1 Chron. 29:2 "Now I have prepared with all my might for the house of my God the gold for things to be made of gold, and the silver for things of silver, and the brass for things of brass, the iron for things of iron, and wood for things of wood; onyx stones, and stones to be set, glistering stones, and of divers colours, and all manner of precious stones, and marble stones in abundance."

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good life! 

The Fourth Week of Advent: The Star

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed.

Matthew 2:10

The Star

The star was present through the night 

A shining ray of guiding light

They saw the shimmer in the sky

Knowing for a reason why.

A promise that so many knew

But countless thought that it not true

How can God come down as man

Live on earth and take a stand?

A booming blessed trumpet blared

For those who listened and prepared

It was no secret if truth be told

But man assigned a lie so bold,

Kill the firstborn, that will save

A world of people from all He gave

Have them look not at the sky

But in the hearts of those who cry.

Dim the star, the breathtaking Light

That guided man this wondrous night.

Every mother, father, daughter, son

Will behold this Glorious One.

As we grieve the world that shatters

For man consumed with earthly matters.

Remember the Gift, the glorious start

Of Christmas day found in your heart! 

Luke 2:11-14 (KJV)

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Week Two of Advent: Prepararation

Matthew 5:13-16 (NIV)

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

The Second Week of Advent

I was raised Catholic, for at least eight years of my life anyway. From first to eighth grade the Advent season was a season of love in our school as we prepared for the birthday of our Lord and Savior. The season was more about the love of God than the love of gifts so that was our focus. In the morning before classes began, all of the children were called to the central hallway where we were tightly gathered. One child lit a candle and we all sang in unison, 'O come O come Emmanuel'. We would do this every day before classes began for the next four weeks. 

This was the season that our Christmas plays were put together and as a whole school we were in unison with one another, no grade was doing anything much different, we were all focused on the season in some way. Our classrooms and curriculum consisted of the Jesus Story, the memorizing of Luke, exchanging of Christmas cards, Christmas tree decoration, and all the adornment that we saw on the outside of school, during the next four weeks the holyday was magnified in the halls and classrooms of my Catholic school, St. Mary’s.

Every year since I converted from Roman Catholicism, Advent always held a special time of reflection, of coming closer to God through the lighting of candles, meditation, singing and rejoicing and, spreading love and listening, yes listening, to Him for the way I should go. My Lenten season is similar but that season is the season of renewal, advent is the season of reflection. Reflection of where you’ve been and where you’re going. A peace and contentment with the love of Christ. 

Last week my reflection consisted of Google Earth. Yeah, I know that’s odd but I went back home and looked at the home where I  grew up. The house on William street meant more to me than just the home I grew up in, the house right next door is where my cousins once lived and the house that I would eventually give birth to my first living son.

Sitting there looking at the house I grew up in on my screen, opened a floodgate of memories. The tall slender rowhome with its now brick facade but the same marble steps we used to scrub with comet to get them clean and white, were still there. The long narrow windows were present and I looked, with tears in my eyes as the kid in me remembered so many good Christmas’ decorating those windows. Memories of putting up the Christmas tree right in front of those windows, and the stairs, the winding stairs my sister and I would sit at the top of and secretly watch my mother place gifts under the tree. I’m certain our giggles gave us away. What good memories but oh the memories. 

I know I’ve written about my life and it not being the greatest childhood, (I know, I know, no one had a great childhood but mine was exceptionally bad) except for the Christmas season memories, they were always the best! My grade school was right around the corner from my house so as I visited my ‘old home’ I had to visit my old school, too. I think last week was for me, let’s walk down memory lane.

As I visited my old school the memories of the Christmas plays came flooding in along with the snowflakes I’d cut out or the Christmas construction-paper-cutout trees we decorated and placed around the halls, or the manger I built as a classroom assignment.

I remembered the Christmas play where I was in the back row of the stage standing on a milk crate in a line of students also balancing on a milk crate. Well wouldn’t you know, it would take little Joni to lose her balance and wipe out the entire row of kids as we all came crashing to the floor in giggles. The next year Sister Karl Ann made sure she placed me safely seated in the front row, with a small bongo in my hand as I played the Little Drummer Boy as we all sang.

It seemed I only allowed the good memories in as Memory Lane had changed over the years. I’ve worked so hard the past two years on letting the bad memories go into the Forgiven Pool where they could drown that they no longer held sway in my mind when Memory Lane opened up.

This is the week I prepared to face another Christmas, one in my new life seemingly a million miles away from my old life in Baltimore. Nowhere in my past did chickens and roosters come to my front door or turkeys would eat my birdseed. The only cluttered streets I see out here are when I drive two hours into Omaha where they have what they call ‘City Life’. It’s kind of funny, if only they knew what REAL city life was like. A rock formation in the far western reaches of the state constitutes a ‘mountain’ to them, and sand in front of a lake is what they deem ‘a beach’. To them, a city is where there are tall buildings and a nightlife. A nightlife that is kept at bay in the country living. They have bars out here but nothing like a real CITY has for sure.

Baltimore City's Inner Harbor

my playground as a child

Growing up in Baltimore City I lived right in the crook of the Chesapeake Bay, you know, that was a small portion of the Atlantic Ocean where there were numerous ‘beaches’ all a part of the shoreline of the ocean. Home of Fort McHenry where our national anthem was written by Francis Scott Key. The mountains in the tiny Maryland state escorted you right into Pennsylvania where even bigger and better mountains lined the landscape.

A canon at Fort McHenry facing the FSK bridge

Out here in the midwest often called, The Bible Belt, the land is flat, no matter what they tell you! You can see lightning in the sky over fifty miles away, sometimes a hundred miles away depending on the severity of the storm. The one thing I cherish out here in this new life? LOVE! The love of family is simply amazing out here. The love of God is monumental. The love of life is respected and Memory Lane to them is filled with cows, barns, dirt roads, steak, pulled pork (they call sloppy-joe) with taters and a huge pumpkin pie that grandma made from scratch.

cows on a farm off of a Nebraska dirt road

a barn, Anywhere, Ne.

In the wood framed houses of Nebraska and acres of farm, within each smokestack stood a child looking at a Christmas tree knowing what it meant to appreciate the joys of the Advent season and the welcome of love received when opening the door on Christmas Day. Yes, the road from there to here was filled with rubble but to me with every rock along the way, I saw within, a million mountains ready to climb and a summit to reach.

May the joy of the season walk you down memory lane and you remember all the love that God has poured out to you. His gift to you was His Son, His love for you immeasurable, His Light? Well, each one of us is His Light, it depends on how you see it. God Bless you all!

Luke 2:10-14 “And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

The First Sunday of Advent

Isa. 2:2 "And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the LORD's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it."

🙏The First Sunday of Advent 🙏

When I begin to reflect on the First Sunday of Advent, I often get asked, ‘Are you Catholic?’ and I say no, no I’m not. It is my time to reflect and rejoice on the relationship I have with my Lord and Savior. I tend to reflect and rejoice year round but Advent to me is a time where the world is so caught up in commercialism and materialism, Advent gives me a solid base to hold onto so I don’t get ensnared by the trap that man lay.

When I was diagnosed with a disease most people fear ever being told, they cling to that fear as it guides them through the treatment of their choice. When I was diagnosed, after a good-days-worth of tears well spent, I climbed into what some would call my ‘denial cloak’. They might be right but I was not accepting this diagnosis as a death sentence and I certainly would not put my life in the hands of people who make it a point of feeding fear and prescribing much-needed drugs as an answer to feeding that fear. Please, do not argue my stance with me, it is MINE. People think I’m crazy for believing the Bible and all it says about ‘fear’, it NOT being from God. You can’t take that word 'fear' literal now, can you? Or can you?

Mark 4:40 “And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?”

Advent to me is all that God is to me, Light, purity, sincerity, and most of all a TRUSTWORTHY RELATIONSHIP!

Isaiah. 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

He strengthens me in the way I should go and guides me in what I strongly believe to be the right direction, FOR ME! I say, FOR ME because we all hear, see and feel God differently as individuals. Christians (I myself included) have a tendency to justify their actions all based on a scripture they read. We justify daily living because ‘God said so’ and we are strong in what we believe whether we believe the earth is a mere 6,000 years old or 6 million years old, we ALL justify our stance because we read it in scripture.

Then it comes down to name calling and finger pointing, which to me, is judging one another. Justification. Is it justification if GOD spoke the word to you, not you read it in the Bible, but because God really placed it on your heart and you believe Him to be a trustworthy source? God does not dish out FAKE NEWS!

Did God tell you that one of your versions of the Holy Bible (KJV, NIV, or any of the numerous other versions) is the most accurately recorded?

Did God tell you not to put a Christmas tree up? Or to put one up?

Did God tell you to celebrate His sons birthday every year?

God told me that His WORD is the version I should trust the most.

God told me to love ALL trees and creation! Celebrate LIFE and BELIEVING in HIM the way YOU want! Even if it means the joy of lighting a Christmas tree!

We could justify every question above with a Bible verse that stands the tests of time and rigors of dissection. We do it because we BELIEVE! There ya go! Advent to ME is BELIEVING God wants me to celebrate His son every second of my day, not just once a year. God wants me to meditate on His word in any way that my focus is on Him (a candle, stones, rocks, a picture, or some wordless music) and not the false idols that religions, the world, politics and social media leads you to believe. Note that I said wordless music? I said that because I save the music with words as my praise to Him.

This is my life to Him, for Him, and in Him! 
I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

I'll Stand 

As you go through this Christmas season, don’t let it bother you whether you celebrate Advent or not, don’t worry if you have a tree or not, don’t point fingers at those who believe differently than you, don’t envy your neighbor because they go all out when you can only afford to do YOUR all.

I can 100% assure that God is saying “When giving, give your all, to ME!” That is when our focus is on Him and not the world.

May the Light of the Lord rain down on you and wash over your body. May you drink Him in 
and it be a well within your soul.

The Story Continues: A Ray of Light

Ezek. 37:1 “The hand of the Lord was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the Lord, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones,”

A Ray of Light

Darkness had fallen upon the nursing home after my husband and son left, when from around the curtain to my left rolled in a woman. 

“Whatcha doin? My name ith Ray, I’m your roommate.”
“Hi Ray, nice to meet you.”
“What time do you go to thleep?” she said in her lispy voice.
“About nine.”
“Me too. Do you like it dark?”
“Yes, I don’t mind the dark,” I said with a smile.
“I like the curtainth clothed, do you?”

Ray was a bit older than me at sixty-three but had the mind of a child. I’ll say a fifteen-year-old because she did have some intelligence as I got to know her over the next ten days. She too was immobile and needed a mechanical lift to get her in and out of bed. She had bulging blue eyes and the electric smile of innocence. Her gray hair was manly, tight and straight but well kept. She told me over and over how she loved purple and everything purple as she pointed to her pajamas. She would be one of the elements of light that God shined down on me. 

The first night I was there my dinner came at seven-thirty. To me, it was almost time for bed but I was hungry. I had not eaten since lunchtime (twelve o’clock) that day. I think my first meal was Salisbury steak with a biscuit and mashed potatoes and a small glass of water. Water, water was scarce for the next couple of days.

I brought with me a big thirty-two-ounce cup of water from the hospital. The hospital gives them to patients and well since I was so toxic, it isn’t like the cup could be reused. I took little sips because I did not look forward to peeing in this place. I could not yet put the dinner tray over both of my legs, so it was at an awkward slant over my right leg. The trauma of anything touching my wounded leg scared me to bits. I didn’t cover it in a blanket because the slightest brush of anything left me with a tinge of pain. 

My medication was due at seven and had not yet arrived and at eight-thirty when Ray pushed the button for the nurse, I asked when I would be receiving my meds. The young nurse said the ‘pill tray’ was on its way down the hall. I asked if she could help me to the commode after she was done with Ray and she said yes, finishing up placing Ray in bed with the ‘lift’, she said, “I’ll be right back in a minute.” And she left the room. 

She came back to the room at nine-fifteen with another young nurse and they were both wearing yellow protective coverings and gloves, in one hand was a gait belt. The gait belt was placed around my waist and it was used to help lift my tiny eight-eight pound body. One nurse to my right and one to my left hand, both had hands gripped on my pained hips in a two-foot space, they lifted. I always counted so we could be in sync. One, two, three, lift, small grunt, and pivot. Imagine three women in a two-foot space trying to pivot. The gait belt was a necessity so as to avoid liability in anything breaking.

“Please, hold the belt until I’m completely seated. This is how my left femur became broken, a sloppy seating on the commode.” Tears began running down my cheek as the tragic incident flooded my mind. Embarrassment, pain, vanity, all danced around in my head as I was gently seated. They removed their gowns and left the room for me to urinate. I was pushing the nurses' call button as fifteen minutes on the commode was leaving my limbs numb. They returned, put on a new set of yellow gowns and gloves, and lifted me, pivot, and I sat on my bed and was ready to just sleep. I jokingly thanked them for the dance. It was my sense of humor and personality that kept these young ladies smiling as they took care of me for the next week.

Curtains were drawn lights out. I cried quietly because I honestly was afraid to be alone. My husband had spent the ten days at the hospital with me and this place barely had sitting room for my two guests. I was alone, except for my prayers and my roommate, Ray.

“You okay?” I hear in the darkness, it was Ray.
“Yeah Ray, I’m just lonely.”
“I get like that thumbtime. Itth okay to cry. What time do you get up?”
“About five for me.”
“Yeah, me too. I go to dialithith.” I drifted off a little as she continued talking, ever so lightly, but it was comforting in the darkness. “Okay, goodnight.”
I opened my eyes a second and whispered, “Goodnight, Ray.”

I was startled awake at about one o'clock as the bright lights came on and Ray was being tended to. I called out, “Can someone get my pain meds for me and I need to pee, too.” 
“Sure Joni, let us take care of Ray first okay?” 
Okay, thank you.” 
She went and got another nurse after calling down for pain meds for me. They gowned and gloved up and came around the curtain to help me. 

I was on twelve-hour oxysomething but allowed ‘2 booster pills’ for pain if needed. And being startled awake and moved around, I certainly needed the pain medication still at this juncture of healing. It had only been eleven days since surgery. The pill lady was a different nurse, she was called the ‘charge nurse’, I guess because she was in charge of the pills? Maybe the nurses too, I don’t know. She took my vitals while she was there at two o'clock so she didn’t need to wake me at three to do it all over again. Everything normal (except me) and with a ‘I hope you sleep well’ after shutting the lights off and closing the door, she was out of the room.

“That feelth better,” I hear Ray say on the other side of the curtain.
“Yeah, it sure does,” I whispered.
“Okay, goodnight.” 
“Goodnight Ray”

Jer. 29:11 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Spiritually Stunted

“Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:3-4 (NKJV)

Spiritually Stunted

Have you ever felt like life is at a standstill? You’ve worshipped, you’ve praised, you’ve given everything to God and now you just sit and wait to see what happens? Oh, sure you continue to read the Bible daily but again, you’re just going through the motions of everyday living. You feel spiritually stunted just waiting for a new season to blossom into sight.

At mid-life, God granted me a season of change that certainly wasn’t expected. I got a dreaded life-altering disease. He let me know point blank that I could wallow in self-pity, roll over and die, or I could face this season of life with CHANGE in my heart and soul. I had been meandering down the road of life, but this was like plowing a car into a wall at fifty miles per hour.

Everything halted. I had to stop and reassess life and prioritize what had the most meaning. God had the most meaning in my life so I needed to strengthen my faith in Him; trust Him like never before. My husband and son were a priority, not so much so taking care of them and meeting their needs, just being a friend and companion to each one on different levels. Then there was family, not really a priority but love still flowed from me to them, and that had meaning to me. What was top priority was living! 

The winter of 2017-18 came with a vengeance, blizzard and all, still clinging well into April! As the mid-life crisis has not gone away, I’m still growing and learning, waiting to blossom.  The arctic-like winter put another roadblock in my way as I became idle and unwilling to walk on ice and brace the cold horrendous winds. My stationery bike became the only source of exercise and even that was not welcomed. I felt bitter and angry at this cessation of my spirit.

Sure I woke daily and read my bible, I still wrote, and preached about loving the Lord, then Lent had me in a fasting state of reassessing my priorities, while winter held onto what the calendar says is spring. Next week will be May 1st and the trees still look as barren as they did in December. They too are waiting for the arrival of spring. They want to wake up and greet the world but it gets kind of hard to do when you’re left sitting idle for months, dormant and chilled. Onward I go, realizing I myself, have become the stunted Christian I’m always writing about.

“Knowing trees, I understand the meaning of patience. Knowing grass, I can appreciate persistence.” 

~ Hal Borland

The one thing I don’t have a problem knowing is that the enemy is underfoot. His goal is to steal, kill, and destroy. Steal any form of hope and happiness, kill any joy, and destroy all strength that resides in you in bringing forth nothing more than defeat to his hellish stance.

We do have a choice who we listen to and I can honestly say I don’t think God has been speaking loud enough for me and the only voice left to hear is not the one of my choosing, thus leaving me spiritually depleted. How do I know this? Because I’m feeling depressed knowing full well that the warmth of spring is going to come but the lack of sunshine makes me feel down. I hear doubts and fears whispering in my ears, trying to take a stab at me and I know full well, God is not of doubt, fear, and anxiety. 

I can usually curtail the doubts quite easily with a good vigorous walk but as I said, winter has disabled me and it is lingering for far too long. I’ve had to start on different supplements because I’m thinking maybe my system is becoming immune to some of the supplements that I’m taking. Now I’m taking a lot of letters of the alphabet A, B, C, D3, E, and K! Some of my old ones remain because well, they have to. 

I have also turned to God as He has given me His Word and Spirit to tap into to strengthen me. I do feel His protection during these times as if I’m wearing the armor suit He bestowed upon me, but maybe the helmet fell off, y’know? I think maybe it became too comfortable.

I call to mind this scripture that enforces my wisdom:

Ephesians 6:10-18 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;
And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;
Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.
And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:
Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

I’m wondering if that is what has happened to the world these days; they’ve just become too comfortable in the mundane routines. Do people just start taking God for granted until they’re shaken to their knees? Then they either turn to Him or turn against Him as if to blame Him for all the wrongs in life. 

I do have to make my husband and son understand that it isn’t God to blame for my condition, I am to blame. I didn’t take care of myself. In their selfishness, they’ll feel it was God’s fault and become further stunted and that will be a sad day. I pray for them daily but must work toward healing and seeing myself alive in ten-fifteen years. I'm still young so I'd love to see twenty more years, God willing.

I will live with Christ in me, I will put on the full armor of God, I will lead the remaining stunted people to the light so that darkness doesn’t become who they are as a people, as a nation. I may only reach a few but it is a few more than none at all, right? 

Remember, don’t blame God, blame yourself when things take a turn for the worse. When things go bad, you and I, are the only ones to blame for the stunted Spirituality.

Galatians 6:8 (NIV) “The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” 

May you accept God’s blessing as the fruit of life and be blessed in all you do!

Col. 1:27-28 (KJV) “To whom God would make known what is the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles; which is Christ in you, the hope of glory: Whom we preach, warning every man, and teaching every man in all wisdom; that we may present every man perfect in Christ Jesus:”

Poetry Sunday ~ Dust to Dust

Luke 11:36 “If thy whole body therefore be full of light, having no part dark, the whole shall be full of light, as when the bright shining of a candle doth give thee light."

Dust to Dust

People are who they are, 

and kill what they must,

they’ll continue where they will 

and dust what they dust.

I am who I am

I shan't live to die

They tell me I can’t

I don’t accept their lie.

Society lay claim

All glitter is gold

The shine is now frittered

The soul has been sold

Tune into the Father 

For all pain to be lost

An umbrella in the rain

The Word now embossed.

Cleansed be the body

From sin do we cry

A Light stuffed bin

Our peace when we die.

From now on 

I’ll kill what I must

As my Savior reigns still

My ashes become dust.

Light In The Darkness

John 9:5 “As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”

Light in the Darkness

One spark, that’s all it takes to get the fire under you to burn brightly, to spread so others can see the light. We become conditioned to spreading hate, bad news, or controversial topics. Our hearts are set on seeing a reaction of disgruntled people joining together to fan the flames to form a riotous response.

Can you even imagine the inferno of passion you could ignite for God? Imagine the HOPE you could instill if you put aside the dark negative mechanisms that drive your day. I believe my mission in life is to bring hope to the lost, light to the dark and love to a world consumed in hate. I might be that one spark that’s needed to fan the flames.

When I was diagnosed with this disease, I felt fear and sadness flood through my screen. It was as if I told my friends, ‘hey, I’m going to die’ and their reaction was felt, even for a moment. That was a fleeting moment because my next step was to go to God; I asked Him, what could I do for You? I have this disease that everyone fears, how I can I show them there is nothing to fear and that with God all things are possible? Thus my journey began, journaling, documenting and researching and relaying a positive spin on my disease.

Job 23:10-11 “But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. My foot hath held his steps, his way have I kept, and not declined.”

I remember my mother-in-law and her reaction to the ‘devastating illness’, was to come out to my house and see me. An ironic response to me but I had to understand, even she, a good Christian woman, believes this disease to be about fear and death. I had to set her straight as well as my friends. No one understood where I was coming from. I stood in the doorway holding a candle of hope and yet they stood, looking on with fear in their eyes trying to penetrate the light I held.

I was being luminous where they once saw darkness. I was hope and life where they once cradled death. I was the candle being set down in a forest of negative vibrations trying to bring a light to the woods that surround the world.

Fear is a prevalent reaction in this world. Satan has a way of slithering in and using fear to his advantage and people are like flies to bug zappers. The first response is not to see God in any given situation, people turn to what they are accustomed to and that is fear. Even with the best of intentions, even when they know the power of God humans have an innate ability to trust the dark before the light.

When I asked God at the beginning of this Lenten season what I could do for Him, since I had given up so much over the year, and His response was ‘think’. I’m telling you now that has been harder than giving up all the toxic elements in my diet! I have to think before speaking, think before just blurting something out, think before writing that grumbling response. I also have to think and meditate on what will be written on any given day. A challenge for sure but a task I believe I can handle. 

Mark 7: 20-23  “And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man. For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness: All these evil things come from within, and defile the man.”

God asks us all to think. Before we react to people with a defensive spewing of hate, think, and not for yourself, but what He would expect to hear coming out of our mouths. When we say we are Christian do we act like it or do we give people a reason to not want to be ‘Christlike’? Do we show the world that we’re full of anxiety and hate and that our first response is to fear?  I would hope that we all know where a fear response comes from.

It’s hard I know. Change is hard. Being strong is hard. Being a light in the enveloping world of darkness is strenuously hard. I never gave off the impression that choosing the right from wrong or the light from dark was an easy journey. If you don’t understand the struggles whether from the Bible, or a sci-fi novel, or a fictional tale of how the west was won, you should KNOW every aspect of life is hard. The choice in choosing the EASY road or the hard road is quite simple, pick what comes easy, all *cowards do and that is why so many want to choose that route. (*more on that in another post)

Think. Did I just call everyone a coward who chooses the easy road? I believe I did. I may be wrong or right but whatever I blurted out was from a stance of understanding the rewards of choosing the hard route. Examples? Let’s say someone commits suicide. To me, they took the easy way out of a difficult life. Look what they missed; a chance to try and HEAL from the warped darkness that shrouded them because the road seemed too hard. They didn’t give a spark a chance to light the fire of hope.

To me, and this is only one woman’s opinion, the easy route is filled with more darkness. An example is people think wealth will make them happy. Look at Robin Williams, he had enough money to live happily ever after but money was the deception that satan used, and in the end, the easy route got him nowhere, literally a dead end.

I think of my fellow man who consumes enough junk food in a lifetime as an easy route to feeling good and filled with life, but in the end, does everyone feel good? No, they feel bloated in a society that labels them in a negative light. To change their diet is hard stuff, again, the easy route is accepting death over life.

I choose life over death. When someone says, you’re going to die, I look at them and without thinking I spit out, AREN’T WE ALL? Then God taps me on the shoulder, a Light in the darkness has lit the world on fire, He whispers, “I AM THE HARD ROAD, WALK WITH ME.”

There IS hope, you just have to be willing to see the Light in dark places; a spark about to ignite into a flaming bush, a match to candle, the candle to dry wood, a breath of hope enflaming a sea of negativity, a Sonrise to the plethora of stars in the night sky.  

John 8:12 “Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.”

Gateway to Health: Spirituality

 John 4:24 KJV “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth.”

Some people are defined by the religion they practice whether Catholic, Methodist, Baptist etc., the list goes on and on. I like to think I am defined by my spirituality, not a religion.

A healthy spirit is needed to get through the muck and mire that life deals you. Just as a healthy body gets you through illnesses attacking you and an unhealthy body has your immune system putting you on notice that, guess what, you’re not healthy.

One might ask how to obtain a healthy spirit and I can honestly wholeheartedly say, this is one thing on earth you can’t get with the almighty dollar. You can’t tithe and donate your way into a healthy spirit, you can’t buy candles or stones and think your way into a healthy spirit, you can’t get a vaccination against the evil spirits lurking the wild; a healthy spirit needs to be tended from within every second of every living day. Hard work but not impossible.

I’ve heard people call me a ‘Jesus freak’, a ‘bible thumper’ and even ‘a hypocrite’ all because I nurture my spirit in ways maybe no one else does. I like to think we’re all the same but just as this disease that has taken up a home in my body is unique to my body, no two believers are the same. We are all unique in our own way.

When you attend church, are you there to worship God or are you there to see who else is attending? Do you look at the shabby clothes one is wearing and compare the suit and tie guy to him? Are your eyes fixed on the extremely short skirt that Mildred is wearing compared to your ankle length skirt? Or are you there to praise and worship God?

Read this story and let me know if you fit in here. 

I realize I don’t fit in anywhere. I am a homeless person among onlookers. I am a leper among the unscathed. I am a fellow sinner among men. I am Spirit-filled to the end. My spirit is full of God and that is why I don’t fit in. I love all that He created, I love my fellow man even the ones who don’t seem to be wanting or in need of love, I love them anyway. My spirit is full because of LOVE. God is my breath in the morning, my lunch in the afternoon, a delectable filling dinner, and my companion at bedtime.

2 Cor. 6:17-18 “Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you, And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty.”

We cannot all be the same, God never intended us to be that way, we’re unique. When we are filled with the Spirit we sometimes look the same and are like magnets drawn to one another but we soon realize while we are like-minded we are all different on different paths, different roads, different purposes and different completion. God wanted us different but united by one thing… by our love!

We become children of God when we drink in His Holy Spirit. One can be an avid reader of the Bible, attend church weekly, wear the garments of being a Christian but still not be filled with His Spirit.

Deut. 30:1, 6, 19-20 “I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.”

Did you read that? Obey His voice, cling to Him, He is your LIFE and the length of your days. This is no small fete. He’s not asking you to passively get to know Him, He’s asking you to LOVE, LISTEN, and OBEY! He is the only one who gets to choose whether you live or die. So many humans are riddled with selfishness that we don’t quite comprehend this. We cannot hold fast to the materials of this world, the food, the books, the clothes or the money, it is not ours to cling to and if you say, “I worked for it!” Yes, you did but let me ask, when God calls you home, are you going to take your money with you and tell Him how you can’t leave it behind because ‘you earned it’?

Our spirit doesn’t know money. Money is of the materialistic physical realm. God is not money, God is Spirit! Spirituality is a connection, a relationship with God IN you not God outside of you. Meaning, God is not bits and pieces of the religious you. That is the physical you and what you’ve shaped in this physical world. That is your way of trying to connect to the Spirit of God. Remember what I said earlier, God is love? The Spirit of God is already in you and your free will allows a choice to stray from Him, embrace Him, or become ONE with Him. When your spirit is so full of LOVE that breathing hate is no longer a part of your being, you are becoming one with the Spirit of God.

You become one with everything living and breathing. Your soul opens to nature and all the natural beatings of the rhythms of the sound of the earth. The vibrations awaken in you a sight of God that you formerly never saw because you were too busy with the physical aspects of loving your Father. Spirituality is the meditations of the soul connecting with the Higher being dwelling within you that has now been awakened, God.

Matt. 22:37-40 “Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

Until you live and breathe these commandments, you have not soulfully or spiritually connected to the Holy Spirit. God is LOVE! Once you connect to the Father-board, boot up your system, you will feel the love course through your veins; for all those around you, your enemy, for those you formerly hated, and for those you disagree with. LOVE becomes your new way of living a spirit-filled life. You will now find yourself full of the Spirit

This is what God intended when He created us. He wanted us to be so full of love the world couldn’t view the hate. Instead what’s happened is the world is so full of hate it can no longer see the love. Sure we go to church, view people, see the steeple, hear a message but how many times in a week do you carry the message home with you, and actually LIVE the message of LOVE? Well, let me just say if more people carried the word, the world would not be the train wreck we have in front of us. You’ll find spirituality underneath the rubble.

Jer. 1:16 “And I will utter my judgments against them touching all their wickedness, who have forsaken me, and have burned incense unto other gods, and worshipped the works of their own hands.

May the Word of the Lord bless you all! 

Gateway to Health: Confidence

Pss. 118:8 “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”

Confidence

Throughout scripture, I can find dozens of verses building me with the confidence I need to move forward. Ones where God promises to never let me down in times of trouble (and when there is no trouble also). 

As a child, I lacked confidence and had very low self-esteem. I had no confidence in moving from one day to the next. Suicidal thoughts were my companions throughout many years of my life. Venturing into a strained marriage as a child at seventeen, left me carrying the burden of a mental illness that I felt consumed him more than me. I told myself that I was the strong one. In hindsight I realize I was just as crazy as him. 

My first sexual encounter with him was that of statutory rape as I was fifteen and he was nineteen. But since I had been sexually abused years prior, I didn’t know the difference in sex and love they meshed like clouds and sun. Sex down by the grainy railroad tracks was not my idea of an ideal love story in the making but I went on for twenty years married to him all in the name of love. I guess I was as warped as him. My question all along was, would God save me? Would He get me out of this mess I got myself into? 

God enabled me to be free of the disaster of a marriage with a young child in tow and an angel that had passed over when I was sixteen. My hard knocks crippling marriage would have come to an end even if I was the only one who saw the enduring mental illness that carried the marriage into the roadblock that awaited us. 

Confidence was never my friend. I saw other girls, and then women look like torches in the darkened night, going forward with their hair blowing in the wind. They were free to carry the light and they did so with grace and confidence even if their inner turmoil was present, they had families supporting them, friends surrounding their inner circle, and they might have had a God that guided them. I don't know but from the outside looking in, they were the epitome of confidence.

Matt. 18:20 “For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”

My fairytale was never so elegant. Mine was crawling in the pits of ashes, clawing my way from one disaster to another. Yes, I had God by my side, but what I didn’t have was two or three gathered. I was alone and lonely in my mind most of my childhood and adult life and the fight was my own while everyone else was floating forward in life. I was scraping my knees to get by, nothing more; I lived only to one day die.

Then in 2002 things began to change. Life was breathed into me. I felt a new reason to live and that was the fairytale kind of love that knocked on my door; all I had to do was leave everything (EVERYTHING, except my child) behind and go forward. I was no longer on my knees; I was being whisked away by the light and love that other people, the floaters, experienced. Leaving the alcohol and drug-induced dysfunctional family behind was a little easier than I  had ever imagined. 

To say that the next fifteen years were an easy breeze would not be true. I had to adapt to a new way of living; new family to embrace. Living six years in Texas was just the cocoon phase of my metamorphosis. I would be part of a team, him and I; I would be enmeshed in my dream of the writing world, I would love and be loved back, maybe for the first time in my life! Granted my family back home loved me, to an extent, I was out of sight and thus out of their mind. 

My heart and life grew ten sizes too big when he and I were forced to move to Nebraska, the hometown of my hubby and his ever-loving God enriched family. This was everything I ever sought in life, to love and be loved. I had online friends who grew into a family to me; I had spiritual friends who I knew were only brought to me by the hand of God himself. I had family that was close by and that accepted me with all my quirkiness and tales in tow, they all loved me!

This might sound a little crazy coming out of left field but this disease is just one of the best things ever to happen to me. How many of you can say that? I was given a second chance to embrace life. Change the things I KNEW were wrong. I'm allowing people to see that there is confidence in being supported one way or another. Support is not people saying, ‘Oh I’m so sorry this is happening to you,’ support is people watching you walk through the coals of fire and standing on the sidelines saying they know you can do it, thatta girl, way to go!

When this diagnosis smacked me in the face I wanted to live like never before. I wanted God to use me for His purpose and maybe this time with the support of spiritual friends and marital family, and my niece Sara from back home, I wouldn’t be alone in my walk. They would surround me with the support I needed and I would now be the torchbearer walking forward in confidence leading them with the Light I carry.

Pss 118: 5-6 “I called upon the Lord in distress: the Lord answered me, and set me in a large place. The Lord is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?”

Peace Be With You

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Isa. 26:3 KJV “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.”

Peace Be With You

When I listen to Josh Groban sing, Oh Holy Night, tears puddle my eyes and begin the descent down my cheek. This is what happens when I hear songs of Christmas like Oh Holy Night, Silent Night, or Mary did you know. I’m not the jingle bells kinda gal when it comes to Christmas music. I want something that touches my soul from a voice and words who understand the meaning of what a holy night is.

Here lately it doesn’t take much for my eyes to water but it does take a lot for me to cry. Pain usually does that but during this season, some songs touch me so deeply I cry like a baby waiting the day I meet the Lord in His home, instead of the other way around.

This season calls out to me to share peace and love. While I can visually see the negative taking place in the world I’m like a horse with blinders on for this month and not seeing the darkness that will eventually smother the country. For this short time, I’m spreading peace and love to people so they understand the Glory of God in times of turmoil.

How can a person who’s been diagnosed with cancer find peace on any given day? I was telling my husband just the other day that people take life too seriously. I realized when I uttered those words that that is what makes me different. I don’t take life too seriously if I take it any way it would be in peace. The diagnosis may have come out of left field and I could’ve taken it so seriously I succumbed to the illness but in my eyes, I see it as just another hurdle and another day to share my Lord with my readers.

I know I said I won’t use the word for this disease, but sometimes I need to brush my face with a bit of reality, it really keeps me grounded and helps me to visually see the strength I carry with me every day. Some days I don’t feel like a strong person, I cry, I hurt, so I review my year and realize golly doggone it, I AM strong. It then fills me with the resources and confidence I need to move forward and to share my gracious words of truth with you.

When I speak to my mother she always asks what I’m doing or what I did on this or that day and I’m always telling her I’m writing. I told her I had a blog and I share my life story on a daily basis. I’ve told her this numerous times before but nothing sinks in unless it is negative then she holds onto it for years upon years. She said to me, “Well, you don’t share the bad stuff in your life do you?” I let her know quite bluntly (again) the same thing I bluntly tell my readers. “I am an open book! Good and bad, I hide nothing.”

I think she was shocked because after a few more words she said she was getting nervous and her voice was obviously agitated. I have told her numerous times that I'm a writer over the years but this time it sunk in for a brief second. This is the very reason she has no idea about my illness, she cannot handle the truth in any way shape or form and everything becomes negative. I sometimes wonder how I ever turned out. I know I shouldn’t badger my family and I don’t specifically pinpoint one person as the culprit of all the bad that took place in my life, I tell MY story.

Let me ask you this if you read my blog and day after day I told you how great and perfect my life is or my upbringing was, would my blog be worth reading? Honestly, don’t you like to read about someone who is just like you a sinner, having hard days, surviving a hard life against all odds just like everyone else on the planet? 

I’ve never been one to pretend or hide the truth of how I got to where I am today. I lay it out like an indoor/outdoor carpet and let everyone walk over the words and take them for what they need. I am who I am today not because of my mother and father, not because religion shaped me but because I found my God to be more trustworthy than any man walking the face of the earth.  I NEED to let you all know what He has done for me. The pits were pretty dreary and difficult but yes, we can all be pulled from the depths of hell and be carried into the Light.

I find a peace wash over me this holiday season knowing I am honest, loving, and caring. The stress that sometimes accompanies the holidays has not bitten me in the rear. I’m not even dreading the family dinner come Christmas day because my plan is to take for myself a mega salad that I’ll enjoy immensely. I may even eat a piece of ham and have a bun. They need to see God shining from me too as much as my readers need to see it. If you walk away with anything from my blog, walk away with seeing and knowing that God is ever present in this world, in me and through me, let the Light shine through.

All praise and Glory to God!