Fear of Rejection

Pss, 40:3 "And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD."

Fear of Rejection

Since I was a child, I’ve always had the fear of rejection. It started when I was young being rejected by the first crush I had and every school aged crush thereafter until I finally settled at fifteen for the only guy that showed ANY interest in little old Bony Joni! 

Let me say first and foremost that God has NEVER rejected me from the day I was born until now, He has NEVER rejected me hence the reason for my lifelong dedication and commitment to Him. He has and will NEVER let me down. Not that he hasn’t told me that ‘now is the time to wait, or the time to be patient, or even not now!’ But He has always been my one and only constant in my life that never lets me down or rejects me in anyway.

With that said, I fear rejection. I give my everything to God but that does not stop rejection from happening to me over and over and as a writer fear of rejection should be the norm, it happens to the best of writers! It’s how we deal with it that matters. 

Okay with that said I have to say this too, I miss blogging! Writing my blog is sharing me with you and how I deal with things. If I don’t share, then the words all play scrabble in my brain trying to compartmentalize them and could very possibly keep me awake at night if I stop blogging completely. I’m wondering if that is what insomniacs suffer from, not getting their words OUT so they jumble all that is going on in their day to day life in a brainsoup that keeps them awake at night. 

I’ve never had trouble sleeping so I’m wondering if my writing is what has kept insomnia away from MY doorstep. Dealing with health crisis after health crisis should keep me awake at night but my faith that the Lord will carry me through any fire I walk through settles my mind quite a bit. 

Before I divulge my ‘new’ health scare, let me first say I have no health insurance, I have no money and I HAVE been rejected so many times for Medicaid, health coverage, anything, that I just walk this path day in and day out with the Lord and I’m certain that this is leading up to my next year’s blogging posts, my journey and my survival. Please, do NOT say, “I should do this, or I should do that.” I HAVE exhausted all avenues and here is where I am. My husband applied for medical coverage for me, and it takes time for it to ‘activate’. Yes, it will cost but this was what he wanted to do. January first I can make my first appointment (I think) to see just what is the matter. He’s also applied for medicare disability for me, but I KNOW I will be rejected from that too. I think he took action because 1) he’s seen all of the rejection, 2) he’s smarter than me, and 3) he might be a little scared. 

I waited until after Christmas to post this so I knew you’d all have a Happy Holiday. Not that you’d stress over my health crisis and me but I know some of you might because that is who you are, you love me! Being a woman you’ll relate, you’ll be concerned and you’ll want to see me through this with compassion, love and of course, prayer! And I’m certain I will need all of that to get me through each day.

Just what exactly am I babbling on and on about? Here goes… the ever dreaded lump! Yup, you know that lump you feel during a shower and you think , “Hmm… this is new.” You kind of forget about it and try to wish it away but it is there and it is growing and you then start to think, “Hmm… this isn’t normal at all.” That’s where I’m at. Then, what’s the next thing you do? Google of course because you know, it has all the answers and they’re usually dire and when you get checked out it was not as serious as you thought? 

Well let me tell you, my google search did not bring up anything dire and in some ways it was a comfort knowing but then again it scared me because google is always wrong! Yeah, I laugh and joke during a crisis! Smile with me people!

It doesn’t sound like the ‘C’ word that everyone is afraid of, it sounds more like the ‘c’ word that makes you go, “ewww, I got one of those and it needs draining?” In other words it sounds more like a cyst than it does cancer but it needs to be seen, touched, poked, prodded and looked at by a professional (other than google) to be sure that all is well with my already falling apart body. 

There I said it and I feel better already!

Being the Voice Among Many

One Voice among many

Gibbon, Nebraska

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Yesterday we talked about being unique; today I want to talk to you about being a Voice. You say you’re popular among your writing friends. They swoon at your feet and are a welcome relief in the struggle to get to the top of your writing journey. That’s all well and good, but what does your voice sound like to strangers who’ve never met you.

Say a publisher is reading your work. They don’t know you from Adam so they are not in the popular crowd that you’re so used to having lifting you up and stroking your ego. They are strangers and theirs are the eyes that will read/publish your cherished work.

Like I had said, being popular is all well and good in your little clique of writers, but it isn’t going to help you among total strangers who are going to take a chance on you. Without a voice, you will get nowhere.

1) Query – Your query letter is going to be your voice to someone outside the familiar territory of your group of friends. Read the guidelines and follow them. They don’t want to know how to throw pies at someone, or hear your favorite joke, they want to hear about your story, and that is it!

2) Presentation – The way you present yourself is going to be the step you stand on. This isn’t the time to put on your funny hat and think that a magazine publisher/editor is your bud. Be professional. I tried to teach this to students and they pointed out quickly that the classroom is for fun and silly. I just wanted them to be prepared for the seriousness of writing and submitting. By practicing being a professional, maybe you’ll carry that with you when you need it the most. Point taken: classroom = fun and silly learning, Professionalism for the real world.

3) Reasons for wanting your work – You’ll give them the reason they are going to want to publish your work. Save your life story for the novel. This is not the place to think you are rubbing elbows. If you haven’t found your voice by now, this is not the place to begin looking for it. Give them a heartfelt, down to earth, PROFESSIONAL reason. What? You didn’t learn how to be professional? Should have listened to me the first time.

4) Waiting – This is the hardest part, even harder than the submitting of your work. The waiting is where you’ll more than likely cast self-doubt and second-guess, look at your work again and find fault, see errors and a ton of other negative things. Don’t do it. As hard as it may seem, don’t fret over your submission and being accepted. It may take months before you hear from someone, so take this time to write new material.

5)  Rejection – Oh dear, I mentioned the most horrendous word to a writer, the dreaded rejection letter. Hey, it happens more times than not, but that is not any reason to give up. This is the very reason you send out simultaneous submissions (sim subs); when all ten come back with rejection letters, refine your search and send them to ten more prospective mags/pubs/editors.

Now your voice is being read AND heard, so what are you waiting for?

Rejection

A Second Chance!

Okay, we’ve learned that we are passionate about writing, we know what it is going to take (persistence) we know that in the end we’ll have a polished story ready for submission. Now what do we do from here?

Well, we go over our work and fix it up for the editor. Hand him/her a polished piece of art so he can show it to the world and be proud of the choice they made in deciding to pick YOUR story for publication. But suppose they reject it?

Oh dear, I think this is what all writers fear the most and that is the face of rejection. For some reason a rejection from an editor makes us feel like somehow we’ve failed. That is what rejection has stood for all these years whether a parent rejects you, a boyfriend or anyone for that matter rejects you, you drink it down like a dose of failure. It has slapped you in the face and there is no medicine for the cure when you’re a writer. (There is no medicine PERIOD for rejection.)

When one strives so hard to succeed, we feel like failure has come over us like a dark soggy cloud draping its gloom over our head in the mirror of rejection. But as writer’s we NEED rejection. We need to be told that our work just isn’t up to par so we can work to make it better.
When a parent says, "Your best isn’t good enough." We will run and hide in our bedrooms and linger in self-doubt for ages, UNLESS we say to ourselves "My best IS good enough, but I can do even BETTER!"

This is what writer’s do when an editor tells them their work isn’t what they need. We writer’s seek out who DOES need our story, we make it so perfect that it squeaks like vinyl! Shiny and perfect our work is handed to the right person, at the right time, and is taken out of our hands and fed to the world like an ant on sugar. It has been bitten, liked, and now published.

Our walls become a place tacked with the art of rejection. With each new note, our collage grows and soon the entire wall is covered in rejection notes. But instead of looking at the wall as a wall of failure, see it as opportunity! It is a wall of chances to do better!

How many times do you think that a football player (or any sports player) said to themselves, "If I only had one more shot, just one more chance?" They don’t get the second chance that writer’s get. Their shot or play is FINAL! But in the writing world, rejection slips are our SECOND CHANCE!

So what are you waiting for? We’ve eliminated the fear, now on to our next rejection!

Happy Second Chances!