Year's End Part II

Amos 8:11 “Behold, the days come, saith the Lord GOD, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD:”

End of the Year part II

Since I had such a nice Christmas and this year is worth a couple of End of Year posts I thought I’d relay the joyous season that rolled out like a red carpet for me and welcomed me on Christmas day.

The build-up to the day was nice, not too extravagant never an overabundance of spending, just another ‘spend what you have’ kind of Christmas. We’ve never been the type to go into debt to celebrate Christmas day; we’re the kind of people that if we don’t have the money to buy it, we don’t need it, and that has always worked. We never wake up after Christmas and say, ‘What did we do? How will we ever repay all this debt?’ I imagine a lot of folks do that but we’re not that type. Never have been and I don’t imagine we ever will be.

Luckily I have a dear friend and a loving niece who donated to me and it purchased my end of year vitamins and what a blessing that was, to know I’d have a couple more months of vitamins to welcome me into the New Year. Thank you, you know who you are and to me, a hidden blessing is a major blessing in MY life! 

The Christmastime weather was right out of a storybook. On Christmas Eve eve the temps dipped down to single digits and flurries began falling from the sky, they didn’t seem to stop! Both my guys had to work and the light fluffy snow didn’t hinder their drives on that night so I was content to head into Christmas Eve where they both had the days off. That was a gift in and of itself, and a white Christmas was unfolding with three to five inches of snow already on the ground at bedtime.

When I arose Christmas Eve the three to five inches of predicted snow was layed out right before my eyes! Light, fluffy, sweepable snow! The temps were still in the single digits but for some reason the blanket of snow made it feel cozy as the hour of sweeping passed by quite quickly. With my clothes layered, earmuffs intact, mittens to somewhat keep my fingers warm, the ‘play’ in the snow was seasonal. It’s here you must embrace it kind of snowfall.

I was kind of antsy thinking about the impending ‘family get-together’ but as usual, the tension subsided the closer the day came. While my illness is not open for discussion except on a more personal level (one-on-one) I knew at the family gathering it would just be chatter and laughter.

Our aunt who was scheduled to come down from South Dakota had to cancel her trip because not only did we get covered in snow, S. Dakota was hit too and she was staying safe. I believe she is eighty years old and yes, she still drives down here to Nebraska to visit her family on holidays, but the snow would halt her visit, this time. She was really missed too because she’s the cherubic beauty that bakes little loaves of banana, cherry, and spice bread for the family. She was missed for her spreading of love and cheer too but I was looking forward to her bread! 

Christmas morning arrived and everyone was safe who had to be. We were nestled in our warm home in the morning, gathered around the tree exchanging gifts. With the tree lit, our hands shuffled with a ‘here, open this!’ kind of excitement. I always cherish this time with my husband and son, because in that moment, the world evaporates and it is just us and love and that to me is what the holiday is all about. 

I won’t go on and on about the gifts I received because I’m not a braggart but I will say that I did receive my Grace Vanderwaal CD and wrist weights for my power walks, and Adam gave me a wonderful set of artistic colored pencils and an adult coloring book of horses! Oh the joy and excitement of Christmas morning.

I had wished my virtual family a Merry Christmas on Christmas Eve as I knew that Facebook would not be entered on Christmas Day. I do have priorities set and FB and Christmas aren’t one of them. After the gift exchange and listening to the CD, I called my mother back home and wished her the merriest of days. She did pretty well leading up to the day, remembering my dad but not with mournful cries but with lovingly missing him and trying to be the strong woman I know her to be. That was the only family from back home I heard from on Christmas.

It was a cold, blustery day and as we sat with the family in front of a big picturesque window; the flurries began to float to the earth once again. I had forgotten to look at the weather forecast but everyone was saying that they were calling for flurries. An hour or two passed and the flurries were still falling but more speedily and my anxiety grew. I don’t like driving in snow. Icy roads and swerving cars are not my cup of tea if they can be anyones.

By four o’clock I was pleading to go home. My chest hurts when anxiety is tense and I could feel the pain for quite awhile but told no one as not to ruin what a great Christmas everyone was having. Without being too graphic, my chest hurts where my illness resides. 

The drive home to me, was treacherous, even though I wasn’t doing the driving. The falling snow was intense with less than a mile visibility, and whiteout conditions were present on this two-lane highway. It was frigid-single-digit cold and the snow so fluffy that there wasn’t really much ‘sliding around’ but hubby was being cautious. Cars were speeding around us well above the sixty-five miles per hour speed limit because you know that there is NOTHING more important than getting to a destination, not even LIFE! It’s all about me, me, me on the roads, snow, ice or rain, it doesn’t matter!

We made it home safely and it took hours before my chest stopped hurting. We settled into a precious movie, ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ (how fitting) and we sat and enjoyed the rest of the evening. I think I was so relaxed I slept through the first thirty minutes of the movie. My second call to my mother made the tension rise again but I was not allowing it to ruin a perfect Christmas Day! As the year ends…my days are being spent relishing my year, and cleaning up what is going to be known as the Christmas of 2017!

Paranoia II

Prov. 13:17 “A wicked messenger falleth into mischief: but a faithful ambassador is health.”

Paranoia II

Sometimes when I begin writing I veer off topic and go in a whole other direction. Like yesterdays post, I wanted to write about the paranoia that seeps into everything I’m doing. If someone comments on a post I’m trying to share I get defensive when they don’t agree with me and they go off in their own direction in what they believe. My apologies, but that just does not work for me.

What I’m trying to do here is unconventional on so many levels, I don’t expect people to rally behind me and say go for it but I also don’t expect them to jump down my throat and berate me with why I’m wrong. I will refrain from sharing on facebook the doctors and websites that I read from and follow because more times than not it’s pointed out that it is a fake news site, the doctor’s are wrong because the medical world does not agree with their unconventional ways, or that I’m just a crazy woman. Well, that one I can agree on.


I’ve just deleted hundreds of emails because most were trying to feed my paranoid state. Topics covered were thyroid, diabetes, heart disease and the list goes on. Topics also include why the water I shower with is toxic, why this one vegetable is not good if I’m fighting the C, or why chemtrails are making everyone sick. The emails feed my paranoia as does the toxic invaders.

Anyone who is following my journey on a daily basis knows what I am going through. I have some people who come in and comment off the cuff and think I’m fighting a simple illness like the flu and want to discuss the ramifications of NOT getting a flu shot. I’m sorry people, I do not believe in the flu shot, vaccines, or anything the medical community tosses out for human consumption. If you read me daily, you’ll understand and know why! The pharmaceutical corporations lead doctors; their pocketbooks are lined by an addicted nation that THEY contribute to daily.

When I point out that the medical community knows nothing about nutrition I’m met with a person's statistics on the reasoning why they are okay with doctors pushing drugs, or how there is one doctor in a big city that knows about nutrition. You see what I’m saying? That one doctor is not helping ME, or the ones I turn to and read on a regular basis. I guess me spewing where I get my information is not syncing with you or the Harvard medical community as a whole.

I’m basically alone in my journey and I’m okay with that. I’m living in a world of people addicted to drugs, legal and illegal drugs mind you. Those people are as defensive of their drugs as I am in fighting for what I believe in. I don’t agree with you that every pill you pop is necessary just as you don’t agree that cancer can be fought and won with NUTRITION! Again, I’m okay with what you believe in but please don’t try and sway me from what I believe in just for argument's sake.

In January when I got this diagnosis the medical community worked hard as nails to instill FEAR in me. I being the warrior and rebel that I am, gently asked for time and they put kid gloves on and knocked me out of the ballpark, dropping me like a hot potato because their income just went out the door with me. They quickly moved on to the next uninformed cancer patient. Did they ever call me to see how I’m doing? NO, they could care less. All they care about is their money! I have proof as they quickly sent me to a collection agency for bills unpaid. I sent money to them but they returned it because they want the FULL payment, not a mere portion at a time. THAT is the medical community that YOU bow down to!

While I am out here feeling great, eating well and am on the road to healing, they still have the hold of paranoia on me in trying to bully me into paying for tests that THEY forced me into! In my distress of being informed of a death sentence, they wheeled me into one test after another knowing full well that the tests could cause the spread of the disease. But if I tell anyone in the medical world of this, they scoff and shrug, they are right and I am wrong. I don’t have legitimate sources or twenty years of 'studies' to back me up.

While I have changed everything I cook, eat, drink and wear, I’m still met with people who disagree with my choice in this journey. I am still being hit with a barrage of information that essentially feeds my paranoia. I have to watch every bite of food going in my mouth and the way it’s cooked no microwave or Teflon cookware for me. I read every label, I buy organic when I can, and feel paranoid when I can’t and allow it to still pass through my mouth. To me, that is cheating! If it is not organic and intricately scrutinized, I feel I’m cheating myself.

No, I haven’t cheated on the sugar intake in nine months. I bend a little on the carbohydrates but only because the first six months of strictly fruits and vegetables has passed. I now allow lentils and some (organic) beans, gluten free, grain free bread and still allow only coconut milk and coconut oil. Only free-range chickens and eggs are allowed on occasion, definitely not a daily basis because of the methionine content. And I have found that the only processed food I can eat sparingly is organic soups and chili. That’s it, but I am eating and happy with every bite I might add. 

With Thanksgiving nearing, I’m thinking of a meal for me and one for the carnivores of the house. While the guys will eat the normal meal of turkey and mashed potatoes, I might try a zucchini medley for me. The aroma will wipe me off of my feet and I may find myself sulking as no biscuits and gravy for me unless I can find something organic I can sink my teeth into. But as with everything else, I’m over thinking and allowing a little paranoia to venture its way into my assertiveness.

I am so glad that from day one of my diagnosis I was led right to The Truth About Cancer and Chris Wark and every doctor they’re affiliated with. It was no coincidence, as I don’t believe in coincidence. It could have been me manifesting my wishes in beating this disease alternatively but I would rather believe that I was led there by my FAITH and trust in God!

I am a Christian soldier, marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus, going on before! This fight is far from over. As with many other wars, this one can’t be won in a couple months or a year, this one will take years but I am up to the challenging battle. One day I’ll even be open to discussions where I can debate who is right and who is wrong but I’m not there yet. I’m coming up on my one year since diagnosis on January 25th, and two years since I felt the prominent lump in December. So you see, this battle is far from over and that is why continued prayer will carry me to victory.

3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”

May God bless the believers and non-believers alike!

Cancer

Pss. 16:9 “Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.”

Cancer

I was going to sugarcoat the title, dress it up for you and try to make it mysterious, but no, I’m all about the blunt truth of the matter. By reading this you more than likely won’t learn anything that you haven’t had a suspicion of at the mere mention of ‘breasts’ and ‘lump’.

I woke yesterday morning at 3:30 am. and knew I wasn’t going back to sleep knowing I had to be at the Dr.’s office by 8:30. I quietly scooted out of bed, allowed my hubby to get a little more sleep because something inside was telling me that this was going to be one of the longest days of my life.

After praying, making coffee, and settling in front the computer, I reflected on what *I* thought today was going to be. Yeah, that was shattered as soon as the doctor examined me! First of all, let me say, I now know why the young mousy looking doctor the day before had the look of serious concern hung on her face and had called this doctor immediately after inspecting my ‘lump’ and set me up this wonderful tell all appointment.

I’m glad she did but I just wish I could wake up from this nightmare and go back to my boring ‘bring God to the people’ life! I guess God wants more, and I’m okay with that, alright?

I have to say, first of all, my little puppy (my left breast) has never received so much attention in my life! It was kneaded like dough the day before and this visit was no different, she wanted to see why a Hershey kiss was wandering around inside the soft dough instead of a little eensy-teensy chocolate chip, if you know what I mean. And worse off she brought an intern in to see what the real deal looked like before they popped it in the oven to be x-rayed under a microscopic crew of people!

This is where I heard the words. I was standing in a long tunnel and she seemed to be whispering, it didn’t help that she looked like the angelic Georgia Engel from the Mary Tyler Moore Show. Ironically on the day of MTM's death. 
The sweet voice, murmuring the words, “we’ll be here for you” she whispered, “we’ll get you through this.” My eyes just hazed over and I probably looked like I had just sucked a lemon because I was trying to make out the words as they were slowly coming into focus, the word, the sound -- c- an- cer.

I spat back, “What? How do you know without a mammogram, without tests?” Her eyes, fixated on mine, the tunnel coming back, “Many…women…come here, I know, I feel, I see.” I couldn’t make out one iota of what she was saying. A blur, a fog… I need my husband in here. 

The tears. This is going to be hard to read for the so many women who have been right here where I am; they know, they feel, they see, it hurts. I heard something about work and I proudly stated I was a writer. What kind of writing? Believe it or not, I’m writing, non-fiction, a memoir. Boy this more than likely will be the next chapter, I said via a little chuckle, through the dripping tears. 

My inability to walk, due to arthritis in my back was obvious so they offered me a wheelchair ride to the other side of the hospital for the mammogram, the c-t scan and then onto post op for the lovely ‘biopsy’. I could not have made that journey on my wobbly legs and my heavy sodden heart.

I think I’ll stop here because, this one day, the worst day of my life, warrants more than one post. As you can imagine so much filled that awful darkened day that I need to reflect on all of it before I forget. As if I could ever forget. 

As I wait for the official news, the one where it is verified that I am now on a journey of many women, I’m now one of you, I’m one who will be down the line cheering on other Breast Cancer Survivors. Because... don’t you cry for me, I AM A SURVIVOR! A FIGHTER! A DEFENDER OF GOD! 

All future posts you must read at your own risk, I will be blunt, I will smile, I will laugh and you will see for yourself a woman, who knows, who feels, who sees. 

Prayer, Light, and Love will carry me! God bless you all for journeying with me! 

Pss.20:5 “We will rejoice in thy salvation, and in the name of our God we will set up our banners: the LORD fulfill all thy petitions.”

Pss.21:1 “The king shall joy in thy strength, O LORD; and in thy salvation how greatly shall 

he rejoice."

Bringing You The Fruit

Prov. 3:5-6 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”

The Week Begins…

Well, the week has arrived and I was scheduled for my doctor’s appointment barring any weather upsets that would keep me from going. I was a little nervous, not scared or worried just the normal what doctor’s deem ‘The White Coat Syndrome’. That’s when your anxiety heightens as well as blood pressure rises before and during the doctor visit. 

I think I was anxious because this wasn't just a routine exam where she’d look at me and give me a clean bill of health and send me on my way. No, this is more of the serious nature visit where you’ve found the dreaded lump and your mind reels with lies and stirs with emotions. 

I haven’t told my mother yet and for one reason only, first her mind doesn’t comprehend like it used to and second, I don’t need her negative spin on it for sure. She’ll just worry and think I’m dying of cancer, then tell me about her aunt and every other person who has died from cancer in my family (as if I don’t already know). I DO NOT need that kind of negative thought process! 

So today, the 24th I went and just as expected, I didn’t hear words I wanted to hear and wasn’t patted on the back and said good job, received a lollipop and sent on my way. No, today I heard words like biopsies and mammograms and further diagnosis. All of this I was expecting knowing the size of the lump in my breast. Tomorrow I go for a ‘consultation’ to hear what needs to be done then she’ll scoot me out the door to have my breast squeezed like oranges but I’m praying no juice comes out. Yes, I still have my sense of humor intact.

After reading an email (biblical of course) I think this very email was just what the doctor ordered for me today. It said something like God is pruning me. Have you ever seen a ripe peach tree with a bunch of peaches scattered on the ground? The tree is pruning itself of all the bad peaches or over-ripe ones. That’s sort of like me, I need pruning so my testimony of Christ is the proper fruit to go out to all of the people. I can’t give you all dead fruit so he is using my circumstances to give you an abundance of fresh fruit. 

From Ministry Today: 
“Jesus told his disciples that God acts as a gardener in the lives of those who claim him as Lord. He wants his followers to be abundant producers of good fruit, showing the world that they are children of God. But this is not enough. Instead of simply harvesting the fruit that is produced, the Lord grabs a pair of pruning shears and begins to trim the branches. A little here, a little there, until he is satisfied with the end result.

John 15:8 “Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall ye be my disciples.”

My take on the whole situation is God deems me worthy to prune. I’m not just a fruit producer spouting off scripture; I’m a living testimony of God and His masterful plan. I’m not taking lightly the diagnosis of ‘biopsies’ and ‘treatment’, I see it as bringing you fresh ripe fruit for the picking. 

Gal. 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

I had every intention of leaving my blog behind in the New Year to focus on my writing, my fictional writing and me. I guess God had other plans. He wants me to continue bringing you His Word so that you yourself can savor the juiciness of hope and love. 

While the world bathes in hate, while people spit off everything wrong with the world and people sling mud to feel good about themselves, I’m claiming my ministry of bringing God to you and possibly bring you to God. 

Don’t you see, the power of LOVE is stronger than any hatred you can sling. You can try to affect people with your mudslinging but the power of God is more powerful than any anger and hatred you try to stick on people. Your hate is laughed at, God is not mocked!  

My journey continue…

Philippians 4:6-9  “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”

Doctor Appointment: Take Two

out my front door before the meltdown

Luke 1:30 “And the angel said unto her, Fear not, Mary: for thou hast found favour with God.”

Doctor Appt.: Take Two

Well, I’ve been in kind of a funk this week, not a negative hate-the-world kind of funk an ‘oh well, deep sigh’ kind of funk. It kind of has had my days in a cloud and I can attest to the fact that this morning, the heavy veiled visible fog has my mood affecting my outside physical world.

You see, I was really looking forward to a much-needed Doctor’s appointment on Monday. I slept a good nine hours on Sunday evening so I was raring and ready to go come Monday morning to go and see the doctor.

I can also attest to the FACT of God’s timing never being OUR timing. We make plans and expect them to go off without a hitch because for some odd reason the majority of folks feel like they are in control of their own lives. I imagine in non-Christian households when plans don’t go their way, they chalk it up to coincidence or just bad timing. Whatever the case may be, I’m on the God Plan so…I sort of expected Monday to turn out the exact way it did.

Let me start by saying hubby had a scheduled eye doctor appointment and that is the reason I made Monday’s breast check-up appointment for myself. He was off of work, and I was ready in every way to see what path the Lord had set for me with the much-needed exam but it was not meant to be.

The winter weather advisories started streaming in well in advance of the storm. I made an appointment on the 11th I believe and on the 12th, four full days before my scheduled appointment, the murmurs were rippling through the airwaves “Ice Storm Jupiter could wreak havoc on motorists come Monday.” 

Great, another named storm ruining my plans. Weathermen have been totally wrong before so here goes optimistic Joni, holding on to hope and wishing to breathe the storm AWAY! Didn’t happen. My plans are not His plans. Instead, I woke to evidence of Jupiter (the storm) playing mental anguish with my mind. 

On Sunday, (yes Sunday) my husband’s doctor had canceled his Monday visit to our area; the doctor and all of his assistants come in from Omaha, heard the severe storm reports and canceled. They called on Sunday to inform us!

I have to admit, I was holding out hope for my visit but one look out the door basically shattered any hopes of making it into town. This was my view of the storm that day:

“The petrified tree branches are creaking with the slightest breath of wind. Weakened limbs snap and fall missing the electric wires and the beloved truck. Littered is the lawn with limbs gone by. The darkened sky speaks to my heavy heart and the tears from the clouds erupt into ice pellets that are attacking everything in its path. Blessed be His name, the Protector of all.” ~ Joni’s thoughts

More had fallen after this pic was taken

The ice storm was mesmerizing, to say the least, and opening the doors to the tomb outside awaited me. The ice had clung to the road like a wet napkin, the branches small and large were breaking in the slightest wisp of wind, and the silence of no human life was eerie. I felt I was opening the door on a graveyard where the dead were resting but the icy atmosphere was tapping out a Morse code telling me to beware, stay home, and be safe.

The call came shortly before noon that the office was going to remain closed as the treacherous roadways were impassable. I had read story after story of 18-wheelers toppling, and one caught fire after it slid into a ditch and tipped over on the highways out there. I was safe, I was inside and didn’t have to break my neck and already pained back. God protected me! 

The next day came and my mind was blinded by the sunshine and hugged by a new day, a new chance to reschedule my much-needed appointment. 

My thoughts on the 17th were something like this: “Like an ocean of diamonds, the trees are lit by the sunshine’s glare. Ice is meeting the warmth in a creaking display of sound. Ringing out through the trees are resounding sounds of hail beating a tin roof echoing with the lightest wisp of wind. Will the weighted ice give way and topple more limbs or will a subtle melt leave intact the beauty of the days brightness?” Joni is a darned good writer! I wax poetic OFTEN.

I called the doctor’s office and started to get anxious when the day I wanted wasn’t available and after a good cry and a shower I listened to what God had whispered in my ear, “Just call and take what they have!” and so I did, making hubby’s work schedule work around ME. Tuesday the 24th! Yes! It’s going to happen! The positive influx of emotions filled me once again!

And so here is where I am today, I checked the weather and lo and behold, guess what Tuesday looks like? Snow and ice, AGAIN! After the big meltdown from ol’ Jupiter with the teasing of spring-like temps (yes the upper forties is spring-like after our lovely 28 below zero windchills left us bitter.) (pun intended)

So here I am (and shouldn’t be) questioning what God is up to now! With a lighthearted spirit, I walk hand in hand with God knowing full well He will carry me through this juncture of my journey. 

The journey to continue…

Mark 6:8 “And commanded them that they should take nothing for their journey, save a staff only; no scrip, no bread, no money in their purse:”

Fear of Rejection

Pss, 40:3 "And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD."

Fear of Rejection

Since I was a child, I’ve always had the fear of rejection. It started when I was young being rejected by the first crush I had and every school aged crush thereafter until I finally settled at fifteen for the only guy that showed ANY interest in little old Bony Joni! 

Let me say first and foremost that God has NEVER rejected me from the day I was born until now, He has NEVER rejected me hence the reason for my lifelong dedication and commitment to Him. He has and will NEVER let me down. Not that he hasn’t told me that ‘now is the time to wait, or the time to be patient, or even not now!’ But He has always been my one and only constant in my life that never lets me down or rejects me in anyway.

With that said, I fear rejection. I give my everything to God but that does not stop rejection from happening to me over and over and as a writer fear of rejection should be the norm, it happens to the best of writers! It’s how we deal with it that matters. 

Okay with that said I have to say this too, I miss blogging! Writing my blog is sharing me with you and how I deal with things. If I don’t share, then the words all play scrabble in my brain trying to compartmentalize them and could very possibly keep me awake at night if I stop blogging completely. I’m wondering if that is what insomniacs suffer from, not getting their words OUT so they jumble all that is going on in their day to day life in a brainsoup that keeps them awake at night. 

I’ve never had trouble sleeping so I’m wondering if my writing is what has kept insomnia away from MY doorstep. Dealing with health crisis after health crisis should keep me awake at night but my faith that the Lord will carry me through any fire I walk through settles my mind quite a bit. 

Before I divulge my ‘new’ health scare, let me first say I have no health insurance, I have no money and I HAVE been rejected so many times for Medicaid, health coverage, anything, that I just walk this path day in and day out with the Lord and I’m certain that this is leading up to my next year’s blogging posts, my journey and my survival. Please, do NOT say, “I should do this, or I should do that.” I HAVE exhausted all avenues and here is where I am. My husband applied for medical coverage for me, and it takes time for it to ‘activate’. Yes, it will cost but this was what he wanted to do. January first I can make my first appointment (I think) to see just what is the matter. He’s also applied for medicare disability for me, but I KNOW I will be rejected from that too. I think he took action because 1) he’s seen all of the rejection, 2) he’s smarter than me, and 3) he might be a little scared. 

I waited until after Christmas to post this so I knew you’d all have a Happy Holiday. Not that you’d stress over my health crisis and me but I know some of you might because that is who you are, you love me! Being a woman you’ll relate, you’ll be concerned and you’ll want to see me through this with compassion, love and of course, prayer! And I’m certain I will need all of that to get me through each day.

Just what exactly am I babbling on and on about? Here goes… the ever dreaded lump! Yup, you know that lump you feel during a shower and you think , “Hmm… this is new.” You kind of forget about it and try to wish it away but it is there and it is growing and you then start to think, “Hmm… this isn’t normal at all.” That’s where I’m at. Then, what’s the next thing you do? Google of course because you know, it has all the answers and they’re usually dire and when you get checked out it was not as serious as you thought? 

Well let me tell you, my google search did not bring up anything dire and in some ways it was a comfort knowing but then again it scared me because google is always wrong! Yeah, I laugh and joke during a crisis! Smile with me people!

It doesn’t sound like the ‘C’ word that everyone is afraid of, it sounds more like the ‘c’ word that makes you go, “ewww, I got one of those and it needs draining?” In other words it sounds more like a cyst than it does cancer but it needs to be seen, touched, poked, prodded and looked at by a professional (other than google) to be sure that all is well with my already falling apart body. 

There I said it and I feel better already!