Faith, Strength, and Determination

Side by side, me and my God

Zeph. 3:17 “The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.”

Faith, Strength, and Determination

Again, after the diagnosis, I knew what I wanted and it wasn’t chemotherapy. The days following the Big C diagnosis I did a lot of talking to God and asking Him where it is that HE would have me go. I was listening, hearing, and leaning on his promise. I knew what I didn’t want and that was to be sliced open, radiated, and given chemotherapy for YEARS then be placed on meds until my imminent death. Or I didn’t want midway through the course of the treatments to change my mind THEN decide to go the healthy HEALING holistic route. No, I would need FAITH, strength, and determination!

I felt like this was a race of a lifetime. The race where I might struggle and fall at times and would surely need God to come and hold me up and help me finish each stretch of the journey. You see, I think people get the wrong impression of God being a punishing God, one who wants to take you out swiftly because you’re a sinner. They could not be more wrong. This is my take.

When God created the world and sin slithered into the picture God the disciplinarian stepped in to show mankind the path that we should go. We were aimed at leaning on Him and trusting that He knew what was right for us. Man didn’t want a Father to lean on; man relied falsely on himself to take care of matters. Selfishness and greed ruled and God in his eternal love for what he created gave discipline where discipline was due. Then he rested, He let man try and shape his moral dilemma and we failed miserably.

That’s where Jesus stepped into the picture. God, as man, lived on earth to feel the intensity of what sin in the world was in ‘real time’. What is so ironic is that God could feel the anger of mankind destroying all that He created, but he was never tempted to be like man. That is what set Jesus apart from the selfish greedy man. Man could not, then or now, accept the fact that there was perfection allowed to walk the earth. Man was and is still consumed with himself only allowing God into the picture when they need Him.

Prov. 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

I am deeply rooted in my faith. It is no better than yours and no worse, it is different. We are all allowed to think and feel differently about our beliefs as long as we know where to lean when times of trouble arise. Man still wants to do things for himself, a kind of not wanting to ‘burden’ God with his problems sort of matter. As for me, I always lean on God for even the smallest of things, seriously!

Well, this diagnosis was nothing small but I still turned to Him first. Was I wrong? In my mind, NO, I’m different. Some people take a doctors word as solid truth with no room for error. Some go for a second and third opinion for a reason, I like to think it’s because their gut instinct is telling them something doesn’t feel right. My gut instinct is God in me, holding me up and carrying me and giving me strength and determination in places where others might fall. He shows me the way in which to go and I follow with no doubt or mistrust in the midst.

1 Pet. 1:8 “Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:”

I got a first and second opinion and what it felt like was that same small child who was on the playground being bullied. I felt like my opinion didn’t matter and I was supposed to lay down my life for this disease and adhere to the almighty doctor who doesn’t know one hair on my head but thinks he knows what is best for me. Bullies belittle and shame you into submission. Out of fear, you crumble and fall, it's the human thing to do.

Luke 12:7 “But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

I went that route of the bullies as a kid. It didn’t work then and I was led down the wrong path and only when I trusted with everything in me, God my Father, that is when my life turned around. At the doctor’s office, I felt the taunting fingers, pointing at me, screaming and telling me I’m wrong and that I was nothing, I was not committing to their plan and no, they were not happy about it. Just as it was when I was a kid and turned to God, I was shunned, the doctors then released me and would not claim responsibility if anything were to go wrong. No tests, no follow through, nothing. Like bullies who didn’t get their way, they stomped off into the sunset, onto their next victim.

I was scared and alone but everything in me told me to trust in God. As in the past, I knew the path, I knew the trust and faith I needed to put in Him. No, it would not be an easy task but it was a route that I trusted in my very being, my soul was in the safe familiar territory.

By the grace of God, I was now filled with strength and determination. Out in the small crowd of family and friends, there would still be wagging fingers, taunting and unbelieving of the idiocy. How dare I go against what they themselves found to be truth and trust in the doctors. Who am I to go against the grain? What makes me any better? Nothing, she’ll fall! I allowed the doubts of the naysayers to tinker in my mind for a spell. Not for very long as you can see. Almost one year has passed and I’m still going strong, feeling great, am forty pounds lighter, and people now want what I have! 

Trust, faith, strength, and determination. They’re all yours! They’re already inside you, you just need to tap into them. It is hard since we’ve been conditioned to trust our fellow man but let me tell you this, in all honesty. You know how you have a friend that you trust with your life? You’ve told the biggest secret to and they carry it with them without sharing it? Then one day it happens, you come home and find that the secret has been spilled? Yeah, God’s not like that. He is the ONLY One you can tell the secret to and trust He won’t tell a soul. As a matter of fact, He already knows the secret before you tell Him, He would just like you to claim it, put it out there for Him to carry for you. That’s me! I share with Him my deepest darkest secrets and trust Him to carry it to my grave. He does, with Light and Love.

As I go on, He is my strength and determination. My faith is in Him and Him alone. The taunters and teasers are silenced. The naysayer is drowned out, limping along the road in doubt and fear in a sunny oasis waiting for one dribble of water. Me, I have a fountain full of faith that I’ll shower them with if only they’d be open to receive. 

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen. (My motto by the way) Strength is the leaning not on my own understanding and trusting God implicitly. The determination is knowing there is an eternal reward at the end.

Heb. 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

May the Grace of God be with you all! 

The Secret Garden

 

“If you look the right way, you can see that the whole world is a garden.” 

~ The Secret Garden

The Secret Garden

Last night I chose to watch The Secret Garden. I knew why because it would hit close to home and I needed to see the story again. I’m sure you all know the story of an orphaned girl who was sent to live with her uncle who was never at the one-hundred room mansion that his staff took care of including his hidden son and now his ever present young niece.

There are many renditions of the tale over the years but this one was the now classic 1993 version. Little Colin Craven, Mary’s ten-year-old cousin was sheltered in a room where he was told that he was very ill. Never having been outside he believed he was ill and couldn’t walk.

Mary feeling so alone after her parents’ death, went exploring the manor and discovered a secret garden. With the help of the housemaids’ brother, together they brought the garden back to life.

The story unfolded in an elegant manner as Mary saw through Colin and aided him to see that he was not ill, he could more than likely walk and she’d eventually bring him to his deceased mother's resuscitated garden.

You might be able to see and understand why this hit close to home for me. I was raised to believe that this illness I’ve been diagnosed with is a death sentence. I feel sometimes as if I've been placed in the chambers of this vast mansion, told to stay in my room and believe that I am sentenced to death. 

Usually and ironically it is the older generation, like Mrs. Madlock, who gives off the most negative vibes. I need to do this their way because they KNOW this is what worked for them (and others). Or I need to listen to them because they are my elders. Or, this one tops the cake, you need to let God guide you in the RIGHT direction. Do what??? 

I seriously think that people, unknowingly self-righteous, want to point me in one direction when all along I’ve been going in the direction that MY GOD IS LEADING ME! Yesterday marked seven weeks with the knowledgeable diagnosis of this journey and I have ALWAYS sought God’s guidance through prayer and meditation. I need to ask, in all honesty, is your prayer better than mine? Does God only guide YOU in the right direction and not me because ‘I’m younger’? 

As I see people dissecting the numerous versions of the Holy Bible, I myself have only dissected the King James Version and hold that one close to my heart throughout my life. I don’t go for the ‘easier read’, I go for the complicated read that makes me REALLY intently meditate on every word and its meaning. 

You see, what I’m saying is, what works for you doesn’t work for EVERYONE and you need to be open to the individual path of the youth, the elders, and the in-betweens. We’re all on a different journey and what has worked for you can only be relayed as your experience in the matter, not what will work for an individual in their path. Be open to seeing their version of THEIR journey. 

Yesterday was a somewhat good day. I went shopping with hubby and yet again I amazed myself. I didn’t get dropped off at the front door, I walked in the store and through the store and then back out to the truck. I felt great, I FEEL great! Is someone who has been dealt a devastating blow supposed to feel great? Am I supposed to feel empowered, energized, cheerful, happy, and radiant?

I wonder sometimes if as you read this you think this is some form of denial. Let me assure you, God does not master in trickery and fooling a being into believing one thing while He’s at work crafting a big punch in the face so reality sets in. If that is what your God does to you, it certainly is not what my God does to me.

If God had led me to the chemo route, these blog posts would have gone in a much different direction. With seven weeks of research, numerous doctor visits, two of which were oncologists, and a years worth of prayer on the matter, God is leading me in my HEALING! I am not going this alone and I’m not listening to those around me who try to sway me with their ‘sage advice’. 

Last night was the first time in a long time that I had a bad nights sleep. I find that when you sleepwalk to the bathroom in the middle of the night, it’s hard to shut off the negative voices all clamoring for a place in your head. So, much of the night I was wrestling demons. I guess I’m allowed my bad nights. 

Today I awoke and saw the world as a garden, ripe and ready to be groomed. The warmer weather is smacking us in the face this week, the fields are bursting with activity as farmers get a head start on preparing their fields for crops, and the Crane are awake and singing their tune.

I’m fighting a winning battle and your support, prayer and positive affirmations are welcome in my world. If you, a believer or not, have a negative insight as to what God is doing in my life, please, keep it to yourself as I have MANY surrounding me in belief and support in the way I should go.

As Lord Archibald Craven was summoned prayerfully, in the only way some children know how to pray, back to the mansion he was shocked to see his son walking outside in the Secret Garden, healthy and ALIVE with Mary and her friend. All embraced the BEAUTY of LIFE! Even if the Secret Garden is only in my mind, it is a beauty in the world that I embrace! Live, love, see and be awakened now. May God bless each and every one of you. 

Pss. 96:6 KJV “Honour and majesty are before him: strength and beauty are in his sanctuary.”

ANONYMOUS

"Let us, thank be what we are, and speak what we think
and in all things keep ourselves loyal to truth
and the sacred professions of friendship." -- Longfellow

To remain anonymous...

In this ever growing world of Internet communication, it is very easy to remain anonymous.

Lurking in the shadows sometimes makes people feel good about themselves. I find that when adults do it, it is merely a troubled person ashamed of something hidden deep within that they have not either faced, dealt with or they like to remain in troubled pain.

Childish and immature, I see remaining an anonymous figure the way the angels must have looked at Lucifer. He’s there, he needs someone to reach out to him, but he is too proud even to receive the help of the angels, for he is better or so he thought.

I often see in my writing classes people using a mystery name, that keeps them hidden from the world. Writer’s are known to use pen names, which keeps them hidden, but is all the mystery needed? What are they ashamed of?

Pseudonyms are good for the romance writer who wants the “feel good” name to match the book, but is a pseudonym a great idea in a professional atmosphere?

Take Raven for example, she always signs her name after posting as anonymous. AND I know that she uses her real name when she gets published. (I know it because I SAW it) ;-)

But when I see people posting anonymous without any clue as to your name it makes me wonder what is hurting inside you so much that you need to hide?

I am bringing forth a blog to help writer’s, while I am far from perfect ie: typo’s, mis spelling and what not, are all a part of the natural flow of, oops, I did it again. I am in no way a master of my domain. I see many more websites and blogs that far exceed my knowledge.

I am here to guide and aim you in the right direction. I see so many writers making mistakes, I am not exempt, that I feel the need to share with you some of what I’ve learned. Guess what, I see some masters of THEIR domains making mistakes and guess what else, their REAL name is attached to their page so everyone knows them, by name!

Cuteypie gives me no clue as to who you are in a chat room, but when I see a name like that in a professional atmosphere, it makes me wonder just how serious that person is about learning an art.

I appreciate all comments and respectfully comment on each one as they come in. I leave the comments open because I’m assuming that I’ll receive the same respect. You know what happens when you assume don’t you? Nevermind.

I’ll keep my comments open for a bit longer without all of the trouble one needs to go through when they are protected. This is a site for YOU, the serious person who wants to be a writer. I’ll respect you as long as you respect me. (And probably when you don’t respect me, I’ll STILL respect you.) That is WHO I AM!

Poetry Sunday

I thought maybe I'd make Sundays for sharing my poetry.

The Secret Garden

Bellflower bluebells bask in the meadow.

Thorny thistles lie in the ghetto.

Dancing dandelions run in the field.

Wilting wallflower sanity's shield.



Irreverent iris' play in the soil.

Wacky weeds burst without toil.

Victorious violets vie for attention.

Wanton will weakens perception.



Lilting lilies leap from the earth.

Doting daisies demand rebirth.

Panicky pansies parallel pleasure.

Lust is lost amid the treasure.



Rambling roses the trellis awaits.

A graceful gardenia gallantly gaits.

Towering tulips taunt the path.

Inner search sweltering wrath.



Ornate orchids ogle the sun.

Perpetual petunias pause for fun.

Dainty daffodils dally in the garden.

Fallacy feigns my heart to harden.



Lovely lotus lavishly stands.

Brilliantly born of my own hands.

Intricately intimate my mind can create.

Bellowing blossoms in a garden of hate.



Behold the beauty of which I told.

Hidden meaning the garden does hold.

For every drop of rain that pours.

Poison purity; the choice is yours.