Wednesday, July 16, 2014


Blessed are those whose every instinct, every impulse, and every passion is under the control of God’s Spirit! They will be right with God, self and others and enter the life which God alone can give.

(Dead to Sin, Alive in Christ) Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. For we know that since Christ was raised from the dead, he cannot die again; death no longer has mastery over him. The death he died, he died to sin once for all; but the life he lives, he lives to God. In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. Romans 6:8-11

It is with great sadness that I write this. I’m feeling a bit discouraged and I feel THAT is what satan wants. How does one of great faith get discouraged?

I attend church on a weekly basis, I am spirit-filled on a daily basis, I spread love, scripture, the Word, light and love every chance I get, so how and WHY am I discouraged?

Let me tell you. People discourage me, recently my very own church has discouraged me and life in general is discouraging. People who share hate and scripture within three posts just about makes me lose faith in all humanity. Seeing people LIKE filling their screens with hate/judgment and watching others in agreement downright scares me.

I’m a sinner and it depresses me that I’m a sinner. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much love I spread, I’m still a sinner. I try NOT to sin but here I am LIVING in sin.

Things have changed at church since Pastor Mike left. We knew it would but didn’t think it would be so drastic as to discourage people from coming to church but here it is, the change that wasn’t for the better.

We’ve attended this church for the five years we’ve been in Nebraska. Whenever we had a need out of desperation we would turn to the church and lovingly they’d reach out and help. It wasn’t like we were sucking the blood out of the church and using them to give, give, give; we were desperate not having anywhere to turn and the church made us feel like helping us was a good thing on THEIR part. And yes, we DID give back to the church, just so you know.

On July first we hit a desperation level. Our propane was critically low, meaning we’d have no hot water, no stove, etc. Steven works and pays the bills but the propane has just been too hard to catch up on and they wouldn’t give us more until the bill was PAID IN FULL. So of course we asked the church, our church, the loving place you turn to in time of need. The place that makes you feel good knowing that God-loving people will reach out to you and lift you up.

That didn’t happen this time. We were asked to come in and fill out a ‘request’ form, stating our need and it would be ‘reviewed’, AND we’d have to meet with one of the pastors. No problem, we’re desperate. We went in and filled out the request.

Steven went in, had the ‘meeting’ with the pastor the next day and he said he’d ‘be in touch’. Five days passed and the pastor called and informed Steven they could only pay HALF and that another ‘meeting’ was needed.


Steven was wearing thin. The ‘meeting’ was set up for the FOLLOWING Tuesday the 15th because we were busy helping his mom after the major storm damage that she had. His sister had damage too, but she has kids to help her so we focused on mom on his day off. Tuesday was his other day off so that was the set meeting.

The meeting? It would be about us living in sin. It wasn’t about the help we needed, our cry out in desperation, any counseling on money management, it was going to be about us, living in sin! After the meeting, the bill would then be ‘partially’ paid.

Steven caved. He was hurt, depressed and angry. He went to church Sunday with some cartoon T-shirt on of the Thundercats? Something he has NEVER done. I saw as he was going down. I have NO CONTROL over his fall.

He cancelled the meeting. Told the pastor we hit a critically desperate point in our propane and would seek another way to get help. Pastor said he’d still like to have ‘the meeting’. Steven said no and that was that. He told me he could care less if we ever went back to that church. “How about another church?” I asked. He adamantly said, “No, I’m done.” He’s giving up on God.

So that’s where I am; lost and confused holding onto my faith and love of Christ. I did find comfort from a dear friend at church. *I* am not in a relationship with my church, I’m in a relationship with MY GOD! THAT should never be discouraged from mere mortals!

I’ve had no posts because my connection to the internet was limited. After a visit from server providers, they told us a few limbs on a tree were keeping our signal at its lowest. We set out yesterday and with teamwork, we removed the limbs and carted them off to the incinerator to be burned. They were too big, so they went beside the incinerator. The internet was back and all was happy!

Happiness is always short-lived. We were relaxing and watching the limbs burn and even put a couple of marshmallows on the fire… until a police officer came, squelching the ‘happy’ feeling with one breath! He said a neighbor must not like us. He called off the fire department, which was deployed, but it was too late, they arrived, fining us $150 bucks for a burn without a permit!

Seething anger filled my body. A hot despicable unleashing of very colorful words left my mouth. Satan was winning. (I did wait for the officer and the fire dept. to leave before I let my anger show at my nosy neighbor who called the police and is extremely jealous of us.) I didn’t confront them I just let off steam in the house and slowly composed myself and let it go.

But now *I’M* discouraged. Too much is happening!!!

Words of comfort from another dear friend:

These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33 NASB

"With all the beauty He surrounds us with daily and with all we get so busily involved doing, perhaps the trials and troubles are good to remind us to stay close to Him because though sometimes it seems to go on forever, this is all temporary."

I’ll hold onto that. I just pray Steven could understand.

Please hold your comments of “Jesus died for your sins, you are forgiven.” Jesus did NOT die so I could LIVE in sin! More later this week…

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