Tuesday, April 04, 2017

Being Bombarded

Fort McHenry
Pss. 89:1 “I will sing of the mercies of the LORD for ever: with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations.”

Being Bombarded

How are you doing?

Is that a cordial question or do you really want to know? Well, let me tell you, have you ever been to a fireworks show and sat under the spray of tiny embers floating in the air after the big boom of the explosive light show? It’s like a safe bombardment not the one like Fort McHenry received all those many years ago.

I feel like I’m being bombarded with information. While I wake every morning grateful to be alive I can’t help but be drawn back when I realize this is me, this is the me I never expected to be; a victim of a killer disease. I try to take one day a week where I don’t even think about my illness but let me tell you, it was much easier giving up sugars and carbs than trying to clear my mind and screen from the bombardment of information surrounding me.

I’ve subscribed to newsletters, I’ve bookmarked links, I’ve written my heart out, I’ve read until my eyes literally hurt, and I’ve spent nights (not many, mind you) disrupted by thoughts. I normally get my eight hours of sleep but I guess it’s to be expected to have a couple nights where the thoughts won’t be silenced. Prayer calms my thoughts, meditation relaxes me, but sleep evades me when I’m so into prayer and meditation. I guess it’s just a healing mechanism.

I’m okay with healing as long as I can keep the negativity far away from me, but like trying to keep the toxins away, the fight is always a daily battle. People see the picture of me and think that looks like the picture of health. For one, that picture was taken two years ago on my wedding day and while I still look like that, now there is an enemy that has invaded my body and is trying to tear the fragility of my being down to its level.

While I am one strong woman, there is a volcano erupting inside me and no chemotherapy or radiation is going to calm the lava from overflowing. No, I need to change the view, I need to take care of myself from inside out, not out of fear out of necessity.

While I will give The Truth About Cancer and Chris Wark of Chris Beat Cancer much credit in my book Beating Cancer on a Budget, this disease is one enemy I don’t wish on the poor of society because I can tell you firsthand, we are the ones who lose in the end. No one wants to help us, not many want to reach out and save. There are a few who will, but if you don’t have thousands of friends, a voice like Oprah or Ellen fighting for your cause, you are basically on your own, kicking and screaming with no one hearing.

I don’t have the money to buy the TTAC series (praise God, I saw it free twice!) or the CBC series, or the numerous books from the newsletters I’m subscribed to, I don’t have thousands of dollars to fly off to Tijuana Mexico and head to a clinic that actually has a successful HEALING rate, no, I have $634. That isn’t going to pay the two thousand and more dollars in medical bills I have because guess what, insurance didn’t pay ALL of the bills. That isn’t going to cover the chiropractor visits I need, and while my decision to go alternative is not acceptable to the majority of people, I am going to BEAT this enemy on an extremely tight budget and give HOPE to the others out there not having success with the pharmaceutical owned, strong arm of the ancient treatment,  chemo. 

I am eternally GRATEFUL to my dear friends who came through for me. I have a feeling that there are people out there fighting the same battle as me and don’t even have the six-thirty four to buy the food or supplements they need. I am fortunate, I am loved, I am healing, and I will WIN!

While people, even my family, see a picture of health, I’m battling a devastating illness where I’m always looking out for the slightest toxin that can knock me on my butt! A simple cold could take me out because cells that want to eat me alive have bombarded my immune system. People will say, well just get chemo and you won’t have that problem. I’m sorry, I don’t believe that lie. It’s like going to the store and them selling me a lemon meringue pie telling me it’s good for me because it has lemon in it. You might buy what they’re selling, but I don’t. I might pay for my decision in the end, but you’re right about something, this is MY decision, MY choice, and MY way of handling something that wants to destroy me. You can support me or ignore me but I have a LIFE TO LIVE!

Many people don’t have the self-discipline it takes to survive these days. They will take drug after drug, med after med, script after script to sustain them for a couple more years but they won’t take the initiative to drastically change their eating habits to save their lives. People say organic eating is expensive and I’ll say, more expensive than the medications you ingest? Maybe you wouldn’t need all of those medications if you ate more healthy but hey, you only live once and meds will keep you going while you toxify yourself, it’s all good.

I am on a mission of healing! My niece has had a fundraiser going on another FB page of a clothing line that she is a part of, they’ve raised two-hundred dollars for me and again, total strangers are coming through for me! Our God is an awesome God, He reigns! And this my friends is the ONLY place that I find healing! 

Pss. 89:24 “But my faithfulness and my mercy shall be with him: and in my name shall his horn be exalted.”


benning said...

My diet change is primarily for weight loss. But it's similar in some ways, and avoiding sugar is a big part!

*munch munch*

:D <3

joni said...

The volcano erupting inside me is NOT my stomach growling! :P

I didn't mention diet one time in this post and your comment makes me feel like you're not eating enough. lol

:D <3

benning said...

Diet is part of healing. Trying to get smarter ... Even while the kitchen is serving FRESH PIZZA tonight. :O

I eat enough. Getting away from sugar is tough!

joni said...

Funny thing is, I was never big on sugar intake until I looked at all of the ingredients on processed stuff. Danged, no wonder I'm where I am! :(

Maybe that is why it wasn't so hard for me, my hardest thing was giving up bread and pasta!

Von Rupert said...

Sending you healing hugs and lots of prayers. One of my kids has two autoimmune diseases that want to eat him alive--I know about that information overload and those sleepless nights and the big bills insurance won't pay. Our medical system is definitely messed up and heading in many wrong directions. Big pharmaceutical companies and insurance companies have too much power. Every time I go to my PCP, no fewer than three drug company reps come through the doors and are allowed to head straight back to where the doctors are. ??? That's crazy.

joni said...

Thank you, Von. *hugs*

It seems that it is a vicious, deplorable system! There is no money in natural healing and the government is too busy allowing the Big Pharma to run us, the people, straight into the poorhouse, or worse DEATH!

I do pray for this nation and I hope you're finding healing for your son. <3 My prayers for you and your family.