Thursday, November 30, 2017

I'm Different

Rom. 3:22 “Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:”

I’m Different

It didn’t take me long to realize in life that I’m different. I’m not like everyone else and to me, that’s a good thing. I was relentlessly bullied as a kid because I was different. I was prettier, thinner, dumber, poorer, you name it, I was a walking target. From my brothers and sister to the kids at school I had a big L on my forehead and kids were more than willing to just smack the back of my head in hopes it would fall off, but no, it remained.

This is where reading and writing became my only friend. The long days and nights of reading in my bedroom while hearing kids in the courtyard playing became my safe haven. I had to isolate myself because the neighbors all thought I was a bad influence on their kids so they kept them away from me and shrouded them in their own clique where to this day they still remain friends. I was different; I became a defiant rebel and lived up to my bad influence of a name just to spite my neighbors. I wanted to hang with my sister and brother’s friends but I was just Bony Joni to them.

To be one of them, I did things I shouldn’t have done like drugs and alcohol. I had no one to tell me right from wrong as alcoholism was prevalent way back in the genealogy of my family. From who I knew of, my great grandparents all the way to my brothers and sister, and even me,  were all products of the poisonous alcohol and it was detrimental to our lives as a whole.

Something drastically changed for me at fourteen-years-old when I became a born-again Christian giving my life over to God. My family was Catholic, in name only, and I defiantly went against all of my years in Catholic school and became a born-again Christian. Once again I separated myself from my family and the majority of society that didn’t then and doesn’t now accept anything Christ-like except Christmas and Easter holidays.

By twenty-one, I was so transformed I gave up drugs and alcohol, not by any program mind you, all on my rebellious own with the hand of the Lord guiding me in the right direction. Then one by one what little friends my ex-husband and me had were peeling away and once again I became an isolated young woman with only God, writing and books to carry me through.

As I look back over my many years on Earth I see what might have gone wrong, I was/am different. Even now as I’m faced with the disease of a lifetime I’m the defiant rebel handling this leg of the journey different than many others would have chosen. Granted there are other rebel soldiers out here defying the odds like me and wouldn’t you know it, in some fantastical magnetic way we are drawn to one another.

My friend said something to me yesterday that made me realize how different I am, he said:
“We may not be changing as thoroughly as you, but you are providing a continuing example.”

When I woke this morning all I could think of after my morning bible reading was how different I really am and that that comment had lingered with me. I thought back to the days when my niece was a big part of my life daily and the influence I obviously had on her. I don’t feel it was a bad influence because she went on to college to become a Reiki specialist to understand the natural part of Holistic healing and what it meant to her in her life and her developing family. 

I don’t ask to influence people. I don’t judge you for not changing your lifestyle. I don’t force, bully and browbeat you into doing things my way or else. No, just like me, you’re on your own and what you choose to do in your life is your decision, which will eventually carry you to your afterlife or grave, whatever you believe. What I can say is that I’m ‘providing a continuing example’ for men, women, children everywhere.

As I’m writing this I can almost feel your heads shaking in agreement, ‘she’s different alright’, and I’m okay with that. I’ve accepted my weirdness, strangeness, difference and today I defend myself against the bullies of the world that try to knock me down a few rungs.

As I stand here today, I am a living testimony of all that my God has done carrying me through the many tragedies of my short life. I could’ve buckled, I could’ve gone along with everyone else and become something of a robot but I chose nature over technology. I chose Spirit instead of a materialistic life and again, I’m okay with who I’ve become. I am poor, I am humble, I am grateful for being allowed to know and see the difference that someone different can bring to the cornucopia of life. 

Lev. 10:10 “And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean;”

2 comments:

benning said...

Poor perhaps in material things. But those are the things that are transitory. We like them, and those things can make our daily lives easier. But .... we can also live without them. Luxuries are nice, yes, but to a starving person a crust of stale bread is better than Gold.

We have books, we can write - no need for a computer, even, as we can always find a pen or pencil. We have our minds to 'write' in, as well. So we can say we're poor in some things and yet rich in others.

I can live with that! :D

*Hugs!* <3 :D

joni said...

I can live with it too, have my entire life and is what shaped me to be the person I am today, oh with a little help from Him, of course. (Okay, a lot of help from Him) :)

*HUGS* <3