I'm Different

Rom. 3:22 “Even the righteousness of God which is by faith of Jesus Christ unto all and upon all them that believe: for there is no difference:”

I’m Different

It didn’t take me long to realize in life that I’m different. I’m not like everyone else and to me, that’s a good thing. I was relentlessly bullied as a kid because I was different. I was prettier, thinner, dumber, poorer, you name it, I was a walking target. From my brothers and sister to the kids at school I had a big L on my forehead and kids were more than willing to just smack the back of my head in hopes it would fall off, but no, it remained.

This is where reading and writing became my only friend. The long days and nights of reading in my bedroom while hearing kids in the courtyard playing became my safe haven. I had to isolate myself because the neighbors all thought I was a bad influence on their kids so they kept them away from me and shrouded them in their own clique where to this day they still remain friends. I was different; I became a defiant rebel and lived up to my bad influence of a name just to spite my neighbors. I wanted to hang with my sister and brother’s friends but I was just Bony Joni to them.

To be one of them, I did things I shouldn’t have done like drugs and alcohol. I had no one to tell me right from wrong as alcoholism was prevalent way back in the genealogy of my family. From who I knew of, my great grandparents all the way to my brothers and sister, and even me,  were all products of the poisonous alcohol and it was detrimental to our lives as a whole.

Something drastically changed for me at fourteen-years-old when I became a born-again Christian giving my life over to God. My family was Catholic, in name only, and I defiantly went against all of my years in Catholic school and became a born-again Christian. Once again I separated myself from my family and the majority of society that didn’t then and doesn’t now accept anything Christ-like except Christmas and Easter holidays.

By twenty-one, I was so transformed I gave up drugs and alcohol, not by any program mind you, all on my rebellious own with the hand of the Lord guiding me in the right direction. Then one by one what little friends my ex-husband and me had were peeling away and once again I became an isolated young woman with only God, writing and books to carry me through.

As I look back over my many years on Earth I see what might have gone wrong, I was/am different. Even now as I’m faced with the disease of a lifetime I’m the defiant rebel handling this leg of the journey different than many others would have chosen. Granted there are other rebel soldiers out here defying the odds like me and wouldn’t you know it, in some fantastical magnetic way we are drawn to one another.

My friend said something to me yesterday that made me realize how different I am, he said:
“We may not be changing as thoroughly as you, but you are providing a continuing example.”

When I woke this morning all I could think of after my morning bible reading was how different I really am and that that comment had lingered with me. I thought back to the days when my niece was a big part of my life daily and the influence I obviously had on her. I don’t feel it was a bad influence because she went on to college to become a Reiki specialist to understand the natural part of Holistic healing and what it meant to her in her life and her developing family. 

I don’t ask to influence people. I don’t judge you for not changing your lifestyle. I don’t force, bully and browbeat you into doing things my way or else. No, just like me, you’re on your own and what you choose to do in your life is your decision, which will eventually carry you to your afterlife or grave, whatever you believe. What I can say is that I’m ‘providing a continuing example’ for men, women, children everywhere.

As I’m writing this I can almost feel your heads shaking in agreement, ‘she’s different alright’, and I’m okay with that. I’ve accepted my weirdness, strangeness, difference and today I defend myself against the bullies of the world that try to knock me down a few rungs.

As I stand here today, I am a living testimony of all that my God has done carrying me through the many tragedies of my short life. I could’ve buckled, I could’ve gone along with everyone else and become something of a robot but I chose nature over technology. I chose Spirit instead of a materialistic life and again, I’m okay with who I’ve become. I am poor, I am humble, I am grateful for being allowed to know and see the difference that someone different can bring to the cornucopia of life. 

Lev. 10:10 “And that ye may put difference between holy and unholy, and between unclean and clean;”

MY Commitment to Christ

Pss. 31:5 Into thine hand I commit my spirit: thou hast redeemed me, O LORD God of truth.

MY Commitment to Christ

I need to think of the commitment I made to Christ and not my readers. While you all are important to me, not to hurt any feelings, but I need Christ more than I need you. I watch as people are committed to the social media walls, their allegiance to unhealthy food is quite amazing, they have the audacity of committing to anything BUT Christ. They commit on a Sunday morning but then they fall until the next Sunday.

Sure they read and believe, but commitment to Christ is 24/7, it cannot be compartmentalized to suit you when you need it. You can’t be a Christian one-day a week. You go to church on Sunday and the rest of the week you act like your good old sinful self, then Sunday comes around again and you’re suddenly a Christian again? Does anyone else see something wrong with that picture?

We live in a world where everyone knows more than everyone else. Ministers are in the pulpit preaching and we feel they MUST know more than we do not only about the Word but most everything. I’ve seen so many times a preacher taking advantage of the system he vowed to uphold by way of taking money from the poor leading them to believe the more they give the closer they will get to God.

Sometimes I’ve seen the church give gold-bound Bibles out for a fee of course, or a little crystal bird to display and show everyone you gave more than 100 dollars. When I was younger a priest was fired for putting alcohol in the chalice instead of the grape juice all the other priests used.

Then we have the Jim and Tammy Faye ministers of society preaching the word of God as they see it and believe. Do we wonder why the world is in such a Christ crisis? We wonder why we’re such a confused nation? We have churchgoers acting sinful, priests acting sinful, ministers participating in the act of sin; we as followers of Christ might have a hard time discerning truth from fiction here.

We live in a ‘jump on the bandwagon’ nation. If someone says you’re going to hell because your beliefs aren’t perfectly aligned with their beliefs, everyone jumps in cheering, “yeah, yeah, you’re going to hell!”  I am so glad that God appointed man judge and jury of who is going to hell; it sure makes His job a lot easier.

I read something interesting today:

“The Chinese have an interesting lesson in the two characters chosen for their word “crisis.” One character is danger and the other is opportunity. The inference is that in every crisis experience, both elements are present. So a crisis is a dangerous situation presenting an opportunity. When you focus on just the danger, you become paralyzed by fear. Focusing on the opportunity, however, enables you to fly with wings of faith. It is we, ourselves, who choose on which of the two we will focus.” ~ Paul Estabrooks

I think the world is in a Christ crisis. While people see men not of Christ as a danger, I see the situation as an opportunity to show MY commitment to Christ. Not by lashing out but by being what He intended for ME to be, Christ-like.

John 14:6 Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

Nowhere in this scripture does Jesus point fingers at people and boldly proclaim YOUR GOING TO HELL. I do distinctly remember Him saying, ‘Judge not lest YOU be judged.’ And for that very reason, I may slide off the grid for a while. I will not sit, point fingers and judge my fellow man. The only thing I WILL judge is my soul. It is not MY mind that needs the help, I realize it is the world I’m surrounded by. I cannot allow myself to be exposed day after day to the negative aspects of humans that try and put a dent in MY commitment to Christ.

My commitment is 24/7. I don’t pick and choose the hours and days I will stand committed to Him. He dwells in me; He is a part of my Spirit. I do not have a one-way ticket to Heaven just because I believe in Christ. What, no baptism, no being born again, just believing is my ticket? I for one am not THAT naïve. I cannot conform to man and his ways, I can only conform to the Spirit that dwells in me and that my friends is MY commitment to Christ.

John 14:15-17 If ye love me, keep my commandments.
And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever;
Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

 

 

God be with you ALL!

Lent: Day Ten ~ Spiritual Maturity

Prov. 3:6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Spiritual Maturity

Well they were new words tossed out at us one Sunday, Spiritual Maturity. What did it mean? To be mature in your Christian journey?

I spoke the other day about being Born Again, and it is just that, you are reborn, your eyes see differently the new world surrounding you. Like a babe in a bassinet, your hands are curled in a tight grip, as you look around you, you see the world in a mobile; a newly spinning environment.

Does being born again mean you just one day wake up and become sinless? No, we are all sinners, even the ones who walk with Christ, our road has as much rubble and thorns as anyone else, we just handle the road a little differently. Like babes in a crib our beginning is being wrapped in love, we are pacified of all the dangers lurking, but they’re there nonetheless.

In my case I was walked through a dark valley with surrounding hills shadowing me. I had no one that supported my new ‘born again’ status but Jesus knew and every step I took He was there on the sidelines cheering me on, or sparing a shoulder to cry on, or carrying me along the sandy shores.

There was a river flowing right through the center of the valley with sandy beaches leading to the water, it became my living water, just as the bible says. I was no longer a babe wrapped in swaddling clothes; I was a toddler getting into everything I could. Climbing stairs where I knew danger lurked. Opening cabinets full of poison. Touching fire and getting burned.

As my adolescent years of being born again were full of mischievous iniquity, I pursued everything that I knew I shouldn’t have. Climbing in dark tunnels, trudging up the side of tree lined hills, only to be knocked down to the waters edge. Always the water, the cleansing healing water.

I waded in the water for a bit feeling the spiritual cleansing on my soul. I was growing but was not fully mature yet so my path, lined with stone, made the footing that much harder to walk on.

Job 19:8 He hath fenced up my way that I cannot pass, and he hath set darkness in my paths.

I could see the path up ahead. It was getting greener and greener and grass was lining the walkway. Church was calling to me but I had to endure more rubble in my road first. Some really big boulders blocked my path and it was up to me to move them out of the way, climb over them, or allow them to hinder my goal of finding a pasture filled with wildflowers and sheep.

Even in my darkened days, there was a Light shining as bright as the morning star, warming my body and filling me with hope that there was a pasture, waiting just for me up ahead.

I think I was on my thirty seventh mile of walking barefoot that I saw it, singing out to me and calling like a bird in a tree, it sang a beautiful melody and moved me on to maturity I had never known.

I was now feeling a Spiritual Maturity wrapping around me. I was clothed, I had shoes now that made the path more bearable. Had I reached my destination? No, not yet. More walking but now my hand was full of seeds. I scattered the seeds along the path so anyone coming behind me on their path would see, see the beauty that they know is up ahead.

When they say the grass is always greener on the other side, they weren’t kidding. I saw a lush pasture; every blade of grass had its own song that sung in the morning dew. Filled with wildflowers the song became an orchestra of melody that chimed from the ground and kissed the sky good morning.

Day after day this song in the field lightened the walk. I saw sheep gathered on the hill grazing, talking about the beauty that lay in this pasture. A layer of wool adorned the hill, but lo, behold, a wolf, looking very much like a sheep, lashed out; snarling with teeth exposed, he was moving in for the kill.  I sprinted forward to put some kind of fear into the wolf and keep the sheep safe, protected in this beautiful land.

SILENCE

That’s what fills the air when hatred seeps in among the well-fed sheep. He looked like all the others and that is why the sheep didn’t fear him, but the closer he got to them, the lure of his instinctive wiles made him out to be just what he was, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.

To protect the sheep, I knew I’d need a staff, to help me guide them to safety. With a rod in my right hand, the Word in my left, clothed in beautiful raiment and sandals that sometimes allowed my toes to feel the grass, I was mature enough to know my place in the valley. I was now at the new heights of… Spiritual Maturity.

Pss. 25:10 All the paths of the LORD are mercy and truth unto such as keep his covenant and his testimonies.

God’s Promise:

Isa. 42:16 And I will bring the blind by a way that they knew not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known: I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them, and not forsake them.

Lent: Day Eight ~ Born Again

John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

Born Again 

I remember that day I became born again quite vividly. When you are born again in Christ, it’s not a day you can ever lightly forget. Christians worldwide can’t quite remember when they became a Christian, but being born again? They never forget that day.

I told my family in my excitement and they responded negatively to my announcement, 'I’m born again!' They said mean things like, “She’s being brainwashed,” “Don’t be spitting that Jesus stuff on ME.” And “Now she’ll be a Jesus freak.”

They were right, not about being brainwashed but about becoming a Jesus freak. As I’ve said before, I was being raised Catholic and the day I became Born Again I converted to Christianity. I was giving my life to Christ and my family didn’t know, didn’t understand what that meant.

My new school was a Christian based school and I was learning new things I had never learned about in my eight years during my Catholic elementary school. I had NEVER in my life heard the term Born Again. I didn’t know what it was. How can someone become BORN again?

The change began in my eighth grade year. I was on my way to completing one of the seven sacraments that it takes to be, I guess, initiated (?) into the Catholic religion. Confirmation was important to the teachers and nuns and the priests and all year long we worked on the meaning of Confirmation.

My mind swirled like storm-warning clouds as you can imagine for a thirteen year old. I was feeling the Lord deeply in my soul. He was moving within me and confirmation was confusing me especially when I was asked to tell a priest my sins. I had had a private meeting (like all of my classmates) with the priest and since I didn’t/couldn’t answer his questions I was deemed unconfirmable, which means one strike against me being confirmed.

The second strike came when we were to go to the church and have confession. You might call me defiant or stubborn, but I WOULD NOT tell the priest my sins! Sister Margaret Mary asked me why, “Why Joni, why?”

I bluntly told her that a priest cannot forgive my sins, only God had the power to do that. She rolled her eyes with a tight smile on her face and said, “You’re right.” A long pause, then she said something that changed my life, “God has a special plan for you, Joni. You don’t conform, I like that. Maybe you’re not meant to be in the Catholic religion. Only God knows.”

She had the sweetest smile when saying that. Any other nun would have been shocked and aghast but not her, she and Sister Karl Ann had said over the years that they saw something special in me. So my saying this did not shock her like I thought it would have.

That year, I was denied confirmation. I should have known that since I had picked Saint Joan of Arc as my patron saint. She was a persecuted saint. She talked with God on a regular basis (not much unlike myself) and she was burned at the stake. Sister Margaret Mary had wanted me to pick St. Christopher (the Christ bearer) or Saint Francis of Assisi (patron saint of animals) but no, I chose the patron saint of my God given name, St. Joan of Arc.

Being denied confirmation, I was told by my father that I had shamed the family, the only one in his memory who had EVER been denied confirmation in the Catholic-in-name-only family. Persecuted, I felt persecuted.

The night my classmates were confirmed, Sr. MM had told me I could sit up in the balcony and watch the service and that is exactly what I did. This was the night I was confirmed by God! Not by a priest, not by man, but by God himself. As the Spirit of the Lord washed over me tears fell from my eyes landing in Sr. MM hands as the procession of classmates cleared the church, she looked up at me and smiled. She knew, God had confirmed me.

It was the following year at Christian Liberty Academy that I became Born Again. We had watched a heart-wrenching movie on salvation and afterward we (all 28 of my fellow classmates) gathered around in a circle and fervently prayed. Tears were shared, emotions were high, the power of prayer consumed me, and as the Holy Spirit filled the room, satiated my soul, I gave my life to Christ. I was not just confirmed by God this time; the entire trinity wrapped warm arms around me and welcomed me to the family.

My life would never be the same again. As with all born again Christians, we remember distinctly the day we gave our life over to God, we distinctly remember the day we were ‘Born Again’. We became a newborn all over again, living for Christ and nothing else. Christ, our birthmark, would mark our every move. We wear Him on our skin for all the world to see. And like a newborn babe, everyone looks at us too see the beauty that we hold.

1 Pet. 1: 23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.