The Struggle Is Real

Prov. 16:1 (NIV) “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.”

The struggle is real...

In the past year since my diagnosis, I have a totally different perspective on life, as you can imagine. I don’t live aligned to the world like everyone else, eating what I want and not caring about my health because simply put, my inner health is as vital as my outer health. The sooner we all learn that, the more in tune we’ll be with the God within. 

I was a lot like you all in that I ate what I wanted whether it was unknowingly toxic or not (ie: fluoride in drinking water, microwaving plastics, processed food, and GMO food) I ate what I wanted and didn’t care if it was killing me. Food tasted good and everyone else was doing it and they ‘appeared’ healthy, somewhat overweight (is that healthy?) but appearing like all was right in their world, health-wise and otherwise.

Then it hit me, I have the disease everyone dreads hearing from their doctor. The fear-of-death laden diagnosis came out of left field, but if truth be told, I knew cancer was a possibility but I did NOTHING to prevent it. I was swimming along with the school of fish enjoying the plastic and oil spills being dumped into my living space; I didn’t care, like you, I just did not care!

Please, don’t tell me that you care about what you eat and drink and what goes in your body. Don’t tell me you care about yourself while slowly killing yourself. What you can do is jump on the scale and look me directly in the eye and say, ‘I am healthy and where I (and my doctor) want me to be! I CARE about Me!’ I wasn’t even overweight and I told myself that on a daily basis, and look at me now. I know the struggle and the struggle is REAL!

I came out from under my rock and peeked around at the world and it is not at all what I remember or care to see. I asked God a few things and this [similar] post popped up on my newsfeed on facebook.

A reworded, rearranged meme: 

God Said No

“I asked God to take away my nasty habits. 
He said NO. It’s not for me to take away but for you to give up. 
I asked God to make my handicapped body whole again.
He said NO. Your Spirit is whole and your body is only temporary. 
I asked for patience and he said patience is a byproduct of tribulations, it isn’t granted, it is learned.
I asked for happiness and He gave me blessings,  my happiness is up to me. 
I asked for my pain to be spared and He said NO, pain draws me AWAY from the world and brings me closer to Him! 
I asked Him to help me grow. He said No, I'll prune you so you’ll be fruitful. 
I asked God for all things to enjoy this life and He said NO, I’ll give you LIFE so that you may enjoy all things. 
I asked God to help me LOVE others and not be judgmental. Again I was told that is for me to learn so I can count every day as a blessing.

Sometimes we ask for so many of the wrong things in our walk of life. Our eyes are not turned toward God but away from Him and focused on the things of this world that pleases our eyes. When you are so consumed with the world, you shouldn’t make fun of others who have God as their focus. I'd like to help you, but again, you don't CARE to help yourself, so my words fail to you. I don’t make fun of you as you’re consumed with food, media, and the world that a box presents to you. I accept that we're all different. So please, don't make fun of me!

While others are consumed with life and living I’m consumed with dying and where I want to go afterward. My daily consumption is the Word and all that He is preparing me for. I won’t go from this world to the next with nasty smelling baggage. When I was consumed with the world it got me nowhere but sickness, illness, and destruction. 

While someone might find it okay to tell me to go back under my rock as I’m in the throes of fighting cancer, I have to accept that being hurtful is the new norm from a world gone wrong. I peek out momentarily from ‘under my rock’ as was so inconsiderately spoken, and I see a world consumed with food, gossip, media headlines, and fantasy. And nothing of God dribbles from their mouths. Oh, on occasion they utter a word or two to God to make themselves feel good but really, is that what this life is all about nowadays?

Not for me. These days I HAVE to be consumed with God because my perspective on life has changed quite dramatically over the last year. I don’t live on the playground with other kids, frolicking in the physical toxins that deplete life, I am living in the Spirit-filled world where the bountiful beauty resides in nature. I am me, you are you. If you are happy with who and what you are then KUDOS to you and your accomplishments. Now respect me enough to allow me to dawdle in what makes ME happy, and that is God! 

The struggle is real! This is the time that God says YES! 

Job 31:5-6 “If I have walked with vanity, or if my foot hath hasted to deceit; Let me be weighed in an even balance, that God may know mine integrity.”

Pss. 9:2 “I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.”

Lent: Day Eight ~ Born Again

John 3:3 Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.

Born Again 

I remember that day I became born again quite vividly. When you are born again in Christ, it’s not a day you can ever lightly forget. Christians worldwide can’t quite remember when they became a Christian, but being born again? They never forget that day.

I told my family in my excitement and they responded negatively to my announcement, 'I’m born again!' They said mean things like, “She’s being brainwashed,” “Don’t be spitting that Jesus stuff on ME.” And “Now she’ll be a Jesus freak.”

They were right, not about being brainwashed but about becoming a Jesus freak. As I’ve said before, I was being raised Catholic and the day I became Born Again I converted to Christianity. I was giving my life to Christ and my family didn’t know, didn’t understand what that meant.

My new school was a Christian based school and I was learning new things I had never learned about in my eight years during my Catholic elementary school. I had NEVER in my life heard the term Born Again. I didn’t know what it was. How can someone become BORN again?

The change began in my eighth grade year. I was on my way to completing one of the seven sacraments that it takes to be, I guess, initiated (?) into the Catholic religion. Confirmation was important to the teachers and nuns and the priests and all year long we worked on the meaning of Confirmation.

My mind swirled like storm-warning clouds as you can imagine for a thirteen year old. I was feeling the Lord deeply in my soul. He was moving within me and confirmation was confusing me especially when I was asked to tell a priest my sins. I had had a private meeting (like all of my classmates) with the priest and since I didn’t/couldn’t answer his questions I was deemed unconfirmable, which means one strike against me being confirmed.

The second strike came when we were to go to the church and have confession. You might call me defiant or stubborn, but I WOULD NOT tell the priest my sins! Sister Margaret Mary asked me why, “Why Joni, why?”

I bluntly told her that a priest cannot forgive my sins, only God had the power to do that. She rolled her eyes with a tight smile on her face and said, “You’re right.” A long pause, then she said something that changed my life, “God has a special plan for you, Joni. You don’t conform, I like that. Maybe you’re not meant to be in the Catholic religion. Only God knows.”

She had the sweetest smile when saying that. Any other nun would have been shocked and aghast but not her, she and Sister Karl Ann had said over the years that they saw something special in me. So my saying this did not shock her like I thought it would have.

That year, I was denied confirmation. I should have known that since I had picked Saint Joan of Arc as my patron saint. She was a persecuted saint. She talked with God on a regular basis (not much unlike myself) and she was burned at the stake. Sister Margaret Mary had wanted me to pick St. Christopher (the Christ bearer) or Saint Francis of Assisi (patron saint of animals) but no, I chose the patron saint of my God given name, St. Joan of Arc.

Being denied confirmation, I was told by my father that I had shamed the family, the only one in his memory who had EVER been denied confirmation in the Catholic-in-name-only family. Persecuted, I felt persecuted.

The night my classmates were confirmed, Sr. MM had told me I could sit up in the balcony and watch the service and that is exactly what I did. This was the night I was confirmed by God! Not by a priest, not by man, but by God himself. As the Spirit of the Lord washed over me tears fell from my eyes landing in Sr. MM hands as the procession of classmates cleared the church, she looked up at me and smiled. She knew, God had confirmed me.

It was the following year at Christian Liberty Academy that I became Born Again. We had watched a heart-wrenching movie on salvation and afterward we (all 28 of my fellow classmates) gathered around in a circle and fervently prayed. Tears were shared, emotions were high, the power of prayer consumed me, and as the Holy Spirit filled the room, satiated my soul, I gave my life to Christ. I was not just confirmed by God this time; the entire trinity wrapped warm arms around me and welcomed me to the family.

My life would never be the same again. As with all born again Christians, we remember distinctly the day we gave our life over to God, we distinctly remember the day we were ‘Born Again’. We became a newborn all over again, living for Christ and nothing else. Christ, our birthmark, would mark our every move. We wear Him on our skin for all the world to see. And like a newborn babe, everyone looks at us too see the beauty that we hold.

1 Pet. 1: 23 Being born again, not of corruptible seed, but of incorruptible, by the word of God, which liveth and abideth for ever.