Spiritually Speaking

1 Cor. 1:26 "For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:"

Spiritually Speaking

The day I came home from my first round of chemo, my body felt like it was pulled out of an ice chest, set in the car, and told to go home and fend for yourself. Basically, that is what happened when the lady behind the desk looked at me stupidly and asked, “Is that all for today?” I’m not a cursing woman but I’m sure my eyes poked hers out with the daggers I was slinging at her.

Luckily, I had taken a small blanket that Steven quickly wrapped around me as he saw the chills were getting the best of me as he buckled me in the truck. Yeah, you’re at the whim of everyone when this takes place and luckily I got one of those good men that can handle taking care of me. 

But the white dove… when he made an appearance earlier in the week, I knew he was spiritually telling me that things were going to be alright. I haven’t seen him since mind you. Things just didn’t feel like they were all going to be okay at this moment as every bone jingled, every tooth chattered, and tears, well, of course, they were not in short supply, they overflowed my eyes like the Niagara Falls!

I got home, was helped into the house, helped into my pajamas (with a hefty blanket wrapped around me, mind you) and laid back on the bed. I fell asleep instantly. I woke to pee a couple of hours later, took a pain pill then it was back to sleep until the next day. 

The next day I woke to feel very stiff, hungry as all get out because a pretzel was the gist of my food the day prior, and I felt like I was in the Cone of Silence, I spoke in whispers, and no one heard. I was in a fog. Luckily Steven had off that day because I would’ve been no good to take care of myself. Honestly, a couple days passed before I can say I consciously remember what happened.  

I wasn’t hit with a ton of side effects and chills were the main thing on the day of treatment, to look out for. I was told they’d call and see if everything was alright on Friday but it was Tuesday before they called and asked if I had found the bottle of poison I passed on months ago. It was an Estrogen blocker but the side effects were worse than the chemo Herceptin and I quite clearly told her I was not comfortable with taking them. I found an alternative blocker and told her that THIS is what I’m taking, the only side effect was a possible headache. I’m okay with that.  The doc didn’t understand why I wasn’t willing to take a prescription DRUG with an arm's length of side effects including liver damage, possible heart damage, hair loss, and a lot of other losses I just am not willing to gamble with! He needs to see the bottle of what I’m taking and I’ll show it to him, next week on my second trip of a ten-year dance with chemo. (The Doc is a he, Navigator is a she)

I knew my birthday was coming up and I was so glad to finally relax and have a ray of light shine in my window after the floods and snow absorbed my mind and chemo stole my positive line of thinking. I was losing hope and this is not something I’m familiar with! It is totally foreign to me! I’m upbeat and overflowing with positivity! 

Thursday would be a Joni day! My son was coming out to see me to give me my gift, (because he’d be working on my birthday) and my mother in law wanted to come out and see me too, because on Saturday my nephew, her grandson, was getting married. I haven’t seen her since Christmas, so that would be nice. I wanted to hear how the flood affected her little town that made National News for the first time in their lives I imagine. She had not seen any of my progress since December and I’ve come along way since then. She had no idea about my choice of doing chemo. She had company the week before and I was too shaken by the events to rain on her parade so I kept it personal. Okay, my online friends knew more than my family, just so you know!

My son got me an awesome sketch pad and an extremely nice pencil set so I can get back into my sketching. I need to refocus on something more than Facebook and just writing about the Big C. I need to focus on my passions and love! My drawing, my poetry, my gift. My story, my husband and my son are number one in my life so I need to focus on caring for them, but also nurture the passions and gifts that God gave me. My M-I-L brought me a card with money (always needed and helpful) and a soft cuddly bear with inspirational words attached to her ribbon. I named her Harmony, a grayish bear with one black ear! A precious addition to my growing stuffed family.

I was slowly feeling uplifted, but I needed to be careful because one thought, one memory could just knock me down. Saturday, my birthday arrived, I was going out to enjoy my day and have Chinese food! Woohoo! I’m on a strict protocol but sometimes the strictness binds me and it gets me down. It would take a knock on my door and a beautiful flower from someone many miles away to boldly lift my spirits! Online friends who can reach your front door with acts of kindness need their own special blessing because I’m telling you, it started a snowball of an all-around good day!!! Thank you! 

At the Chinese restaurant, I got the garden medley. My goodness, green pepper, broccoli, mushrooms, onions, carrots, and more in a nice sauce, with rice on the side! It had been gray and dreary and my one wish, my one prayer was for some sun not only for my birthday but for my nephew who was getting married outside at his family's home where he grew up. He wanted a special day as much as I did. As I walked out the door to go on my adventure, the sun came out!!!  Bright and beautiful with a little blue sky in the mixture. It was going to be a great day! What a meal I had! I bet it was a really nice wedding, too. Because of my disability, I like to spare people the burden of coddling me when something more important than me is taking place. 

I was feeling hopeful but I’m telling you it only takes one thing and wham, I’m down. Sunday it would be my talk to my mother. She is so depressing. She says over and over how lonely she is, how she has nothing to live for, life is not worth living, etc. etc. NO, no one can get through to a woman who all her life was dedicated to her husband and nothing else. Of course she has nothing to live for, with him gone, she literally has nothing. It’s sad and it brings me down, and she has NO IDEA of what I’m going through.

Monday came and I was trying to pick myself back up! I woke, cleaned myself up, got dressed, exercised, ate fruit, washed clothes and I was well on my way to a brighter day, even if the sun wanted to play hide and seek every single day! Adam visited and it was a good day, exhausting but good. I needed rest. I normally set myself by the front window with my computer but I was so exhausted by six o’clock I decided to just go lay in bed and meditate. I took my computer and instead of surfing, writing, or anything else, I chose meditative sounds to help me calm my nerves and the loss I had been feeling.

I had not realized thirty minutes had passed but I opened my eyes after a relaxing prayerful meditation and just sighed. It was a good sigh and then I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Something was saying to look out the window. The curtains were drawn but a couple of slats of the mini-blind were open. I saw something white. A mound of snow? No, it moved. Must be my white dog, Riley. No, it’s too white to be her. I jumped up not believing what I thought it was, a duck, so I made my way to peek out the window.
“My dear sweet Jesus, it’s a duck!” A BIG WHITE duck and a small black one were nestled on my lawn. Just sitting there looking around as if dazed.

My husband jumped from his chair and came in to see. He couldn’t believe the white dove and now a duck? He was scratching his head too! We both made our way to the back of the house so we could see with camera in hand what we were seeing! There they were Yin/Yang I thought. A big white duck and a small black duck.

From Wikipedia: “In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang is a concept of dualism in ancient Chinese philosophy, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.”

Hope was speedily returning to me. Could this be the push I needed to get me through another session of chemo next week? When Tuesday came I was almost afraid the hope would be gone but it was still there. And when hubby checked the mail there was a THANK YOU from the wonderful ladies of Physical Therapy with a thank you card. I had framed a poem and gave it to them for their office and they thanked me for that ‘blessing’ and so much more, my genuine thoughtfulness, my spunkiness, and the laughter I brought to them. I had made my mark as I apparently do. 

I read something this morning by Max Lucado: When Joseph, Mary’s husband, was asked to do something for God, instead of saying NO,  “Joseph obeyed. God used him to change the world.  He does the same with us.  Be a modern day Joseph.  God will use you to bring Jesus into the world.”

I think I found my calling. I’m listening, Lord! I’m listening. 

My Story Continues: The Nursing Home

Pss. 136:1 "O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth for ever."

The day came where it was time for me to be transported to the Nursing Home/Rehab center, I cried for more than one reason, I was losing all the familiarity I had for ten days, the closeness of the nurses and physical therapists was something I hadn’t expected. I think that was the reason they changed nurses every single day. The rotation of nurses didn’t allow for intimacy to grow between patient and nurses/physical therapist etcetera.

The Tuesday morning came when I’d await the arrival of my ride to the nursing home. No gurney was necessary because I was now semi-mobile in a wheelchair and I was commode mode so setting me loose was what my insurance called for. My husband and son were not allotted the time to look around at rehab places because conveniently a room had opened up for one woman, at St. John’s, I would be the one woman that the insurance insisted I take. 

Sadness, anxiety, and fear had all crept into my being as I was loaded on the van lift and taken to the nursing home/rehab across from the hospital I had called home for ten days. Gone were the days of very regular delicious meals that arrived between six and seven a.m., twelve and one p.m., and the dinner at five to six. Water refreshed and medication, always on time. The hospital was now a thing of yesterday.

My husband and I were escorted to the entry hall of the Home. A nice carpeted room with overstuffed chairs lining the walls, a fake fireplace was the central focal point and it looked cozy enough at a glance. We were met by a small older-than-me woman with tight curly blonde hair and a nurses uniform hugging her petite body.

“Welcome, Joni, let me get your vitals and we’ll wheel you down to your room.” 

I sat silently gazing off into space wondering just where it was I was being left. The vitals were fine and off we went, down a crowded hallway with patients lined up against one wall and equipment lined on the other wall. The patients looked helpless, hopeless and immobile, looking at me as if I was an alien that landed smack dab in their territory. 

I’ve been in nursing homes before so I knew kind of what to expect, but I honestly thought that there was a rehab wing that separates the long-term patients from us short-term patients that were just here for rehab. This was not the case. You’re not in Baltimore anymore, Joni. Back home my grandmother was placed in a similar facility but the long term/ short term patients were not together. The nurse I’ll call Bird because to me she resembled Big Bird but much smaller, she was the one who was in charge of the nurses on staff, her office was where we came in the door at and she met us there. 

I was wheeled down the hall as Bird explained that they were building a new wing to the home and for now the patients were being doubled up in rooms until construction is completed. Lucky me. Room number twelve is where we paused and she announced it as my room. Outside the door had a name and the picture of the tenant and below her was my name with no picture, just the note on the wall CHEMO PATIENT! Chemo protocols necessary. Gait belt needed.

I was wheeled into a tightly packed room of the current tenant. The room was about twelve by twenty-four, and I was wheeled back to the window where my bed was set and a side table all in about six feet of space. A commode was sitting against the wall where there was a bureau with a television on it. The home did not reek of the normal nursing home odors, for now anyway, so that was a plus.

My husband looked at me with pain in his eyes. He was horrified of the place where he had to leave me, where we had no options. This is the place where Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, also known as PTSD would set in. There were two metal chairs in the corner and I thought, at least I can have two visitors. I was already traumatized by the whole broken femur and surgery, now this. The story continues.

My husband went to work in getting my flowers from his truck to place in the window for me and to bring me my blanket that the church ladies made for me, he wanted it to feel as nice as the hospital environment but knew full well, this was not the environment neither of us envisioned. The comforter that currently covered the bed looked old and wrinkled and the sheets had a clean but well-worn look also, but I wasn’t here for sheets and blankets, let’s move on. 

“Will you be dining in the cafeteria this evening with the others?” Bird lady asked.

“No, not tonight, thank you.”

She went on, “Dinner is served at six in the cafeteria, and if you eat ‘in-room’, you have to wait until the others are back in their rooms. About seven your meal should arrive.” She was looking at her clipboard, “I’ll let you get acquainted and come back.”

Eyes filled with brimming tears I whispered, “Thank you.” My date with hell was beginning.

My son entered the room. He was finagling his time between work, moving into his new place, and visiting me often at the hospital. Husband and son were both trying to get back to a routine of working and visiting me after work. My husbands only problem was that he needed to be home before dark since he cannot see at night to drive. My son would stay until seven maybe, if he could, then it was me, all alone in what felt like an asylum. 

My husband ran off to the store and came back with a new quilt for the bed. He was not leaving me in that mess. Both husband and son went to work to make the place comfortable for me as evening was drawing near. My commode was set next to my bed on the left in a tight space with the curtain of the other tenant pressed against it. On the right of my bed sat a nightstand and the wheeled tray? That barely fit in front of the nightstand. 

I was still basically immobile, I could not bend my leg and the pain was still evident with each move. I did wonder how well I would be taken care of here. The tears...puddled the floor only to be dried by the sheet hanging down off of my bed. 

The night was closing in and the goodbyes were the hardest thing any of us have ever been through in our lives together. I would be alone. Alone in the dark, only sounds of the echoing hallways would be heard and all that the hallways held in them. I would be strong for my two guys. I would be out of here in no time. Right? I have to be.

the story continues...

"My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast! I will sing and make melody!” Psalm 57:7 (ESV)

The Story Continues: Hospital Stay ~ Flowers Arrive

Pss. 96:6 "Honour and majesty are before him: strength and beauty are in his sanctuary."

The Story Continues...The Hospital Stay

The aftermath wasn’t so bad, in the beginning. I woke after the operation back in my room and my husband and son looking over me with pale faces. I could see the worry and stress dripping from their eyes. His mother was in the waiting room as I had requested because I just wanted my first loves to be what I saw when I woke.

Today I’m going to write a bit about my hospital stay. The second or third day (remember, I lost all sense of time) flowers started coming in. My son had told my niece about me being in the hospital and she being the sweetheart that she is, put a post on her/my (blood)family FB page. My two long-lost brothers sent flowers and balloons, my mother and sister sent flowers as well as two of my nieces. I do remember having to wait to tell my mother what happened to me because she kept ringing my phone incessant with worry, causing me undue stress in the process. Finally, my son had to call and tell her I was in the hospital. I only used my phone for hubby and son. I couldn’t move anyway so the phone was just a comfort artifact for a couple days. This post may seem choppy but I'm trying to get it all out there.

My husbands' mom gave me flowers in a beautiful deer coffee mug and the cutest softest dog ever! My niece posted a link to the gift shop at the hospital. My sister sent up from the gift shop a precious stuffed dog. And I received two angels too! And balloons, I received balloons attached to stuff, just what, I have no idea. I now have two stuffed dogs that I named Riley and Sassy! 

My husband, well he brought me a ton of stuff, a cross necklace, a single cross that in the center crystal stone when looked at in the sun, the serenity prayer is written! No kidding, it’s pretty awesome! A coffee mug that says ‘Good morning, Punkin’ with a small pumpkin in the cup. Halloween was nearing (I had no idea) and ‘punkin’ was one of his pet names for me. Over the ten days he had to bring tons of stuff from home and the store, so no I can’t list it all, but this man really came through for me, his broken woman and the confused man that he had become. He also brought the beautiful prayer quilt that my mother-in-law’s church had made for me and prayed over every stitch as it was being made. 

My son, he brought to me White Roses, in a vase. Not real ones he said because they die. He also gave me a Squirrel and a bluebird since I couldn’t sit and look at my birds and squirrels at the feeder at home. He also gave me a plaque, a wooden wall hanging that had two ‘wings’ (angel wings?) and the words ‘Believe you can’! He arranged everything so nicely at the window for me, and my husband draped the quilt over the back of the sofa.  All of the nurses (and docs) commented on the beauty of ‘love’ that I was receiving! 

My room was being filled with treasures and I was essentially just lying there staring at them, immobile, in pain and every shred of vanity and dignity tossed out the window. By the second or third day, I was getting more comfortable in the place. I’m not sure if it took that long for the drugs to wear off but the days seemed endless.

The bright room was a nice size all for myself and the usual monitoring machines. There was a studio style sofa in front of the window whose cushions unfolded into a bed for a family member if needing or wanting to stay. Steven stayed all ten days. He’d go home, take a shower, grab a bite to eat and bring essentials back to the hospital for me. He missed too many days of work for me and the poor fella was run as ragged as a war-torn handkerchief. His mind to me, looked like a jigsaw puzzle scattered on the floor as he tried finding all the pieces to go in the proper place as we went along on this journey. It was tough on all three of us. This wasn’t just a journey for Joni to learn and GROW.

For the next ten days, I was miss popular as were my bowel movements and my birthday! Those were the questions asked daily, the birthday one was asked with every nurse visiting the room. I was also known as little miss toxic. If a nurse helped me with the bedpan they had to gown up and double glove. If they handled my oral chemo pills they had to wear gloves. Funny how I was not told of the toxicity of these pills they handed me. I handled them like they were aspirin. My room was labeled outside with the skeleton and crossbones, listing me as a toxic commodity? 

With each nurse and or doctor that entered the room, I made them leave with a smile. In only ten days I had built relationships with the nurses, x-ray people, the radiation men and women, doctors, even the women who mopped the floor and emptied garbage pails. Not one person left my room without a smile on their face. 

The doctor who did my surgery, whom if you remember, held my heel for an hour before getting my leg to straighten out, it turned out he was from Colorado and would be returning home at the end of the week. He told me that he would be leaving Nebraska a different man than the one who came. He visited me daily and on the last day, handing him a rose, I told him to, “Always smile!” He stopped by before leaving for Colo. bidding me goodbye. He didn’t have to stop by but I’m assuming as a changed man, he wanted to. 

After bantering back and forth with the oncologist about the toxic port kind of chemo (who was the colleague onc. I missed at the office), we finally saw eye to eye when my tests, x-rays and my response to the oral poison was in my favor. Everything with the oral chemo was working. Tumor was shrinking, lymph nodes physically smaller than before. I was eating normal, bowels normal, skin normal, all in all I was a model patient. He had no argument seeing I surely didn’t look or act like a Stage 4 cancer patient! 

Talk of putting me in a nursing home/rehab came up at the end of my 'welcome' and I didn’t want to go but the insurance was not going to allow me much longer in the hospital. I don’t know why I couldn’t rehab in the hospital but then I guess the journey would have been pointless. When Portia came in and told me (as I’m eating my delicious lunch meal) that they found me a spot in the nursing home/rehab and I’d be transferred at three o’clock that day. My face drained of all blood. I suddenly wasn’t hungry. More tears puddled the sheets and filled the wastebasket with kleenex. Change. That week I think I could’ve built an ark to float away on all of those tears I shed. I closed my eyes and silently prayed. Portia was sitting right in front of me and my husband to my left. She gets a call, “Oh. Uh huh, Uh huh,” She looks at me and says, the room won’t be ready until tomorrow. Talk about prayers being answered! I kicked once again into the ‘accepting whatever God turns my way’ woman. 

With each doctor, nurse, Physical therapist, palliative nurse, or janitor that came through the door that day they received a carnation, daisy, or a rose to brighten their day and as a token of remembrance of me. While they expressed how sad they were to see me go, they smiled and thanked me for my kind gesture. Only one grumpy nurse (she was young too) turned down my gesture with “I have no place for a flower.” I knew she needed prayer the most.

Nurses have so much to contend with on a daily basis, that I wanted them to know that there is one person that appreciates all that they did for me. While my three vases thinned out of flowers, I sat in reflection of the ten days I was there. The room emptied for a few moments and I was alone in silent tears. I gazed out the window, a monarch butterfly passed by, all the way up on the third floor. Must’ve seen my flowers in the window. Thank you, Jesus, I whispered. At that moment a feather, a white feather, floated by. I knew I was being watched closely and guided by everything spiritual and Godsent! The only birds I had seen during my visit were two pigeons off on a roof two or three streets over.

I came into the hospital a pure nutrition-filled body enhanced by vitamins and a strict healthy protocol and I left a drug addict, having been on Morphine, using oxy something, Percocet, oral chemo drugs, a bone-strengthening drug shot into me once a month, and a lost healthy diet. Gone. A year and a half of health ~~~ lost to this. And we wonder why the nation has an opioid crisis? The doctors made it this way, not the people!

1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.”

The story continues…

I'm Alive

James 5:16 (ESV) “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.” 

I’m Alive

Everyone draws concern when I'm away from the social media platform for a week. I imagine they all think the worst and have me dead in the still of the night. But I digress they all might just wonder whatever happened to me as my daily postings come to a halt. I love you all immensely!

I wish I was well enough to bring you great news, but no, I’m down and don’t want to bring others down with me. It’s hard visiting the social media world and see everyone happily moving along, portraying the perfect life while I’m out here miserable. And I know, they all have imperfect lives also they just like portraying the facade. I just could never do that in all honesty. I like dripping truth onto the page and sweeping up the mess as I move along.

I’m now housebound for the summer. I was housebound for the extensive, extremely frozen over winter and now that we've jumped right into summer with a day or two of a spring feel to it, I'm housebound again. I'm grumpy and not liking anything these days so I figure if I stay away from my friends and the social media, I can try and mend without hurting anyone with my snide lashings.

My inability to walk came to a complete standstill last week when I had finished mowing. I used to walk with a limp but now I can't even make it down a pair of stairs, and before you start telling me to see a doctor, that's easier said than done. If you're willing to come and shower and clothe me and place me in the vehicle and take me to the doctor, (if you can find a wheelchair when you get there) then attending a doctors office is not in the picture any time soon. Yeah, it's gotten that bad in just a week. 

My writing has come to a standstill, my walking to a halt, my mowing at a deadlock, my showering when I can, my joy on hiatus. I now write in Yahoo notepad since my MS Word is malfunctioning. My walking, what little I can do, is done with a cane in hand, my mowing is now my husband's fun. My joy? Well, that's taking its sweet old time in resurfacing as the enemy thinks its time to hit me full force!

I thought my riding lawn mower was going to be my welcomed joy this summer, heat or no heat, I would be out and enjoying SOMETHING in the world, but no, it just wasn't meant to be for me. Last week when I got off the mower my legs nearly crumbled. I came in the house to sit down and sitting felt like I had just sat on an ice pick and no one could remove the steel point hitting the nerve in my back. I was in pain worse than I had been in a few weeks ago when I didn't want to visit family but I did. I could not lie down (still can't), I could barely sit, cooking was out of the question so I just sat, and cried, a good long sobbing cry. The uneven land out here and every jostle the mower took, so did my already damaged back. 

I've rested this week staring out the window at the squirrels, bunnies, and birds. We've had pretty intense heat in the upper nineties so peeking my head out the door even became an unbearable task. This is not the kind of heat that arthritic people can endure. I'm here and I'm alive. I don't have my peppy optimism and inspirational spring in my step; negativity from the outside world seeps in whether aimed at me or not, so avoiding the social world helps. I just can't bear to see people happily enjoying the very thing that will kill me in the foods they eat and post happily because well, it's not killing them, yet. YET!

I do like seeing people happy and changing the very way they view their obesity. To overcome weight problems is a chore and one that deserves high-fives and demands hugs! I hope in some way that my testimony of healthy eating has impacted many peoples lives so that they WANT to live and not just live meal to unhealthy meal. Death is final! No, we're not going to take our bodies with us afterward but I feel what we ARE taking is our negative unhealthy thoughts. They don't just go, poof, because we die, they shape our very soul in the here and the hereafter.

If we remain positive, feed on health and nutrition, maybe, just maybe when we face the Lord, we can share the joy we had living with him, our Father who wants nothing but the BEST for us! Forgiveness isn't about doing wrong and treating your bodies bad all your life then when you get to heaven say, "Oh, by the way, forgive me for not cherishing the very sacredness of what you created in me." You knew all along your body is a sacred temple but spitting in the Lord's face is easier than self-control, I get it.

I'm alive. Even though I don't have much to do in a day, I pray, hours on end. It seems like everything has been taken away from me and all I have to do is pray. So if you don't see me for a spell, know that I'm out here, alive. If anything drastic happens to me, I've asked my husband or son to inform you so you will never be left not knowing what happened to Joni. To stay positive, I need to stay away from the negative, please understand that. I need to reclaim the joy that lies out in the dry fields buried. I will be back. You need patience as much as I. My love to you, my friends!

All praise and Glory to God! 

Ephesians 5:11-13, “Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible — and everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” (NIV)

The Struggle Is Real

Prov. 16:1 (NIV) “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.”

The struggle is real...

In the past year since my diagnosis, I have a totally different perspective on life, as you can imagine. I don’t live aligned to the world like everyone else, eating what I want and not caring about my health because simply put, my inner health is as vital as my outer health. The sooner we all learn that, the more in tune we’ll be with the God within. 

I was a lot like you all in that I ate what I wanted whether it was unknowingly toxic or not (ie: fluoride in drinking water, microwaving plastics, processed food, and GMO food) I ate what I wanted and didn’t care if it was killing me. Food tasted good and everyone else was doing it and they ‘appeared’ healthy, somewhat overweight (is that healthy?) but appearing like all was right in their world, health-wise and otherwise.

Then it hit me, I have the disease everyone dreads hearing from their doctor. The fear-of-death laden diagnosis came out of left field, but if truth be told, I knew cancer was a possibility but I did NOTHING to prevent it. I was swimming along with the school of fish enjoying the plastic and oil spills being dumped into my living space; I didn’t care, like you, I just did not care!

Please, don’t tell me that you care about what you eat and drink and what goes in your body. Don’t tell me you care about yourself while slowly killing yourself. What you can do is jump on the scale and look me directly in the eye and say, ‘I am healthy and where I (and my doctor) want me to be! I CARE about Me!’ I wasn’t even overweight and I told myself that on a daily basis, and look at me now. I know the struggle and the struggle is REAL!

I came out from under my rock and peeked around at the world and it is not at all what I remember or care to see. I asked God a few things and this [similar] post popped up on my newsfeed on facebook.

A reworded, rearranged meme: 

God Said No

“I asked God to take away my nasty habits. 
He said NO. It’s not for me to take away but for you to give up. 
I asked God to make my handicapped body whole again.
He said NO. Your Spirit is whole and your body is only temporary. 
I asked for patience and he said patience is a byproduct of tribulations, it isn’t granted, it is learned.
I asked for happiness and He gave me blessings,  my happiness is up to me. 
I asked for my pain to be spared and He said NO, pain draws me AWAY from the world and brings me closer to Him! 
I asked Him to help me grow. He said No, I'll prune you so you’ll be fruitful. 
I asked God for all things to enjoy this life and He said NO, I’ll give you LIFE so that you may enjoy all things. 
I asked God to help me LOVE others and not be judgmental. Again I was told that is for me to learn so I can count every day as a blessing.

Sometimes we ask for so many of the wrong things in our walk of life. Our eyes are not turned toward God but away from Him and focused on the things of this world that pleases our eyes. When you are so consumed with the world, you shouldn’t make fun of others who have God as their focus. I'd like to help you, but again, you don't CARE to help yourself, so my words fail to you. I don’t make fun of you as you’re consumed with food, media, and the world that a box presents to you. I accept that we're all different. So please, don't make fun of me!

While others are consumed with life and living I’m consumed with dying and where I want to go afterward. My daily consumption is the Word and all that He is preparing me for. I won’t go from this world to the next with nasty smelling baggage. When I was consumed with the world it got me nowhere but sickness, illness, and destruction. 

While someone might find it okay to tell me to go back under my rock as I’m in the throes of fighting cancer, I have to accept that being hurtful is the new norm from a world gone wrong. I peek out momentarily from ‘under my rock’ as was so inconsiderately spoken, and I see a world consumed with food, gossip, media headlines, and fantasy. And nothing of God dribbles from their mouths. Oh, on occasion they utter a word or two to God to make themselves feel good but really, is that what this life is all about nowadays?

Not for me. These days I HAVE to be consumed with God because my perspective on life has changed quite dramatically over the last year. I don’t live on the playground with other kids, frolicking in the physical toxins that deplete life, I am living in the Spirit-filled world where the bountiful beauty resides in nature. I am me, you are you. If you are happy with who and what you are then KUDOS to you and your accomplishments. Now respect me enough to allow me to dawdle in what makes ME happy, and that is God! 

The struggle is real! This is the time that God says YES! 

Job 31:5-6 “If I have walked with vanity, or if my foot hath hasted to deceit; Let me be weighed in an even balance, that God may know mine integrity.”

Pss. 9:2 “I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.”

His Time

Pss. 103:3 “Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;”

In His time, not my time!

All of last year I seemed to be soaring in the healing department. I was walking with no pain, a copious amount of sleep and nary a bout of muscle pain. I had always heard the term ‘no pain, no gain’ in the world of fitness meaning you have to feel the pain to gain the insight and strength to lose the pounds (or in my case the dis-ease) you want. But here I was exuberant because I got the chance to forgo the pain and soar right onto healing. That’s not how it works, my friends. 

It’s ironic that had I gone the chemo route I would have been expected to suffer, for a year or more of treatment, surgery and draining negative talks with doctors, slice, dice, pokes and prods all leading to an insane amount of pain and non-healing. Did you know that the ancient Greek word for "pharmacy" means "witch" or "witchcraft"? I have read that the root meaning can also mean "poison". Why is this an acceptable form of so-called healing?

But when you go the route of God and natural healing you’re expected to heal in the genies blink of an eye and show the world how almighty powerful He is against sorcery and witchcraft. I honestly think too many people live in a fantasy world when living the life of a Christian. They read but don’t understand. They listen but never hear. They ignore the truth and expect – yes expect --  a miracle to take place instantaneously!

2 Cor. 12:9 (NIV) “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 

Yes, God has the power to instantaneously heal, but where is the learning, where is the understanding, where is the weakness? This day and age as we look out at the world, we can see that God is at a standstill when it comes to the humans and their disobedience. He has allowed us to learn from the mistakes we’ve made over the years but instead of learning, we are stomping on all that we were taught. People think they can do what they want and handle things the way they do and go to God as let’s say, the ‘backup’.

God does not take lightly to being the backup plan when things go wrong. When he says ‘trust in Me’, ‘have faith’, He means just that but today people don’t know what that means and so they use Him as the backup if things go wrong. They never really trust or have faith and that is the very thing that has made the condition of the world what it is because of lack of faith.

All action is dependent on belief. When you don’t fully rely on God you are leaning on your own understanding and building up walls of anxiety, worry, and stress. The Lord says we’re to be anxious for nothing. God expects us to not go to ‘people’ for truth. Did Jesus follow people or did people follow Jesus? Was He one of many or one of a few?

1Thess. 2:13 “For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.”

Wisdom cannot come from man it can only come from GOD! So here is what I’ve taken on when refusing the chemo route. I’m walking with God and working to rebuild my immune system. Disease and illness is not something God does to you. He did not give me cancer, I and my lack of caring for my health gave me cancer. I’ll say it again, DNA is only a small portion of the reason I have what I have. Unhealthy eating is the very reasons we will ALL experience illness in our lifetime.

1 Cor. 3:18-21 “Let no man deceive himself. If any man among you seemeth to be wise in this world, let him become a fool, that he may be wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness. And again, The Lord knoweth the thoughts of the wise, that they are vain. Therefore let no man glory in men. For all things are yours;”

God created all of the scientific principles that science wants us to adhere to but when we turn to God, science wants us to toss God out of the equation. That is just wrong to me. Do you realize that the American Cancer Society would have to disband if ever there was a cure? Billions of dollars would fall out of the hands of 'pharma', 'witchery', 'poison' plan. I'll use God’s health plan. And as such, the alternative treatment and headway are tossed out as quackery never giving healthy living a chance in the trial-n-error stage because we’re taught that food and nutrition have nothing to do with your health and imminent illness.

When I seemingly had a setback in December, boy did people expect me just to bounce back with a tweak to my diet. What they don’t realize is that my trials are not that snappy and that is not how God works. I have to have PAIN and SUFFERING to be FREED from this disease. Just soaring into healing with no pain will gain me nothing but an ego. I’ll feel accomplished and above all others and THAT is not what I’m here to learn and gain. That is not God's plan!

Deut. 7:15 “And the LORD will take away from thee all sickness, and will put none of the evil diseases of Egypt, which thou knowest, upon thee; but will lay them upon all them that hate thee.”

Your disease is as much spiritual as it is physical. YOU and your thoughts are the cause of your anxiety and illnesses. You began early on in life on a path of fear and anxiousness (stress) and no drug is going to take away what you spiritually placed on your path. We keep treating the symptoms of these diseases and never take on treating the underlying CAUSE. I chose God’s natural health plan for myself. In my quest, I study, research, learn and grow but not without PAIN and struggle.

I need you all to know that impatience and doubt is not what I carry. I don’t expect instantaneous results when healing. I don’t want this to be a journey of ease. I want it to be the journey that He’s led me to; a journey of FAITH and TRUST. Is the walk easy? By no means! His time is not our time and we need to have the utmost faith in that, if you don’t then your journey may get a little more painful than mine, imagine that.

Prov. 31:26 "She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness."

And I Wait...

Pss. 59:9 “Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.”

And I wait…

I don’t know what to think and I really don’t want opinions of what I should do. These past two weeks I’ve had a setback. I mentioned it before with all that’s happened and I feel the setback was the wheat bread and the eating of the toxic grains.

I’ve eaten all these wonderful foods all of my life and never in a million years would I imagine something so good for you could be one of the elements causing this disease in me. I’m not even fifty-five years young and already I’m being affected by the strong-arm of an illness that has laid its hands on me, gripping me, expecting me to ‘submit’. I can’t do it. I won’t give up on God like others have done, I just won’t!

I hear people say they care about me but in all honesty, I don’t feel it. How can months (sometimes years) go by and people say ‘I care about you’ and nothing more? How is that caring? You thought about me? Because you think about me and my suffering, that’s caring? I just don’t get it. 

I’m trying to be okay with people passively thinking about me when it’s convenient for them. I’m trying to understand why I sit alone crying my eyes out and no one to listen to me or hug me and say it will all be all right. Just a comforting hug could go a long way in my isolated world.

I notice people give up too easy too. If they’re trying to lose weight, and it doesn’t happen instantaneously they give up. If they pray, and the prayer goes unanswered they give up on God for not being quick with a response. I’ve seen people give up on God who has received miracles, then just gave up with all that hokey stuff and lived life for themselves now that the miracle is over; enough time has passed, they should be safe, right? I guess so, if that is what you believe.

I myself feel I received a miracle of the regaining of my walking ability. For a couple of years the pain was so bad I was relinquished to using a cane and allowed onlookers to pity me with their eyes. People don’t realize their eyes are like speakers when sizing people up the volume is set to high and the bass is felt loud and clear from the person you draw eye contact from. I don’t need the eye contact to feel the faces of pity looking at me.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve come a long way in regaining my strength and the ability to walk, so much so I proudly traipsed around feeling invincible. No one is invincible; a few slices of bread and overconfidence will knock you on your butt and take it all away with one night of sleep. Let me tell you if you don’t have those backup supporters who say, ‘they care about you’ the fall hurts even more.

I’m a mess this week. I had a bad day that led to a couple more bad days and now I try to pick myself up from the rubble I’ve left strewn about the place. I’ve needed a good strong physical hug but even that is scarce because my pain is so bad, it hurts to have a hug. I’m straining to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know is there. When the pain is so overwhelming it is hard to see or hear anything.

I love the fact that people turn to me for strength, direction, assistance, aid in helping them but in times of my hurting, those tasks are impossible so I shy away from the very venue of that portion of love I receive. I’m hurting, how can I help someone when I’m in the throes of a setback and no one can visually see how bad my days are, again because ‘they care’ but not enough to consider I might be having a hard time or bad day myself.

I want to gently show my friends that while I’m having this hard time, I still can see the light way off at the end of the tunnel. My tears stream, my pain unbearable, my cries to the Lord louder than ever and the echo, the echo of my voice is haunting. In the days of these struggles, the scripture that stands out to me is from Isaiah 40:31

 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I have a birthday coming up and I’m not even looking forward to the day. It’s just another day. That’s what people say when they get older, y’know? A good thing my son, who is young, says it now so he has no false illusions about the world around him. It’s just another day. I should get a plaque stating that and hang it on the wall! 

Along with my setback comes grumpiness, bitterness, and downright insensitivity. This is the point where I’m supposed ‘to think’ but I don’t. I put no rein on my thoughts or insensitive blurts. I fail. I don’t think of others and how they might be feeling when I boast of my weight loss when they can’t lose a pound to save their life, or my lack of pain when there’s has them bound to drug relief, or my rejoicing in how great I’m doing walking with a bounce in my step and light in my life. Maybe they want to hear the hard-grained steps I have to bear to wake up each day in the light of optimism. Maybe they long to hear of a setback so they can say ‘aha, I knew you should’ve gone another route’. I’m on the edge about to fall over the cliff and can’t find the upbeat rhythm of words they need to hear to get through their bad day. So there, I’m having a momentary lapse.

I have a loving relationship with God and I know we’ll get through this band of pain together. I wonder sometimes if people think that God has a special light set to shine just on my face but let me tell you, God’s love has no perimeter, His love for us is as personal as any loving relationship we’ll ever have in life. He has no preferential treatment for just me. He loves us all the same. Do we all love Him the same? I don’t know. I think we all try but we all have that period of ‘now we wait’, how each of us handles this period of patience is most definitely different! 

1 John 4:13 “Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.”

What They Don't Say

Job 8:14 “Whose hope shall be cut off, and whose trust shall be a spider's web.”

What They Don’t Say

Did you know that arthritis, multiple sclerosis, Hashimoto's diseases and more are all auto-immune diseases? Not much unlike cancer, these diseases most of the time can all be safely treated without drugs but that is not what your doctor says. What they do say is here’s a drug and it is the only way to find relief from continuous pain. What they don’t say is that changing your diet and exercise has a profound effect on your longevity with a pain-free existence. They steal your hope.

I’ve said over and over again to change your diet, relieve your pain and illness and over and over again I hear people not having any success because they don’t have the willpower to save themselves, they’d much rather think a drug can do all the work for them.

Why is there a war on health? Why have doctors made healthy eating a back-burner portion of your visit? Why don’t they hold knowledge of what actually heals a person instead of basically killing people with drugs? Had doctors been taught this information to begin with many of our parents, grandparents, children, and grandchildren would not have died. I hear all too often that a doctor saved a life because the drug kept momma stable, alive for a few more years. Baloney!

Maybe drugs are a necessity, maybe they can help, but does the doctor offer you the change in diet FIRST as a level of defense to fight what ails you? If he told you that you had to give up dairy, meat, or caffeine would you take a drug over changing? I believe you would. We live in a self-satisfying world addicted to sugar, oils, meat, fat, and drugs.

I believe when I gave up alcohol all those years ago, on my own, without a twelve step program that was, to me, proof that I had the willpower to fight anything that was thrown at me. Granted, that this wretched disease is a little bigger than an alcohol addiction.

It pains me to see friends sick on a daily basis. Every day it seems I’m bombarded with news of people with the flu, stomach virus’, colds and everything in between. I have to stay away from the social arena for days because of the negative invasion of illnesses and the unhealthy eating habits and no one willing to change. Stay in bed, pop some pills, go to the doctor, remain sick for days or weeks. Change? That’s not an option, they’d rather whine and pop pills, it’s a safer route than change.

I often think of how far I’ve come and how tempted I am when around people who are living it up in the toxin-filled world. It’s not easy choosing vegetables over a cheese-smothered pizza, it would be so easy to choose a Pepsi over a glass of water, a chip over a grape, the list goes on and on. It’s not easy staying alert and watching every single thing that goes in my mouth. A crash is basically inevitable as long as I allow the negative influx of my surroundings to have an impact.

This calls to mind the disciples when Jesus went to pray, were asked to sit and watch, each time Jesus returned they were asleep. Each time I tell someone to help them change their diet and keep sickness at bay, they eat and eat and eat everything that is making them sick to begin with. It’s as if they’ve fallen asleep and my words fall on deaf ear. They don’t have time to change, they can’t or won’t change or it’s just too hard to change. If they’re going to die, they’re going to die happy and unhealthy. You can’t take a healthy body with you, right?

After reading yesterday’s post, you see I hit a roadblock. I’m as human as everyone else and I fall too. I only had a pizza, and it would’ve been very easy for me to cave in and drink a Pepsi, or guzzle some alcohol. I chose the lesser of two evils and had pizza. It’s bound to happen but I was not ready for the emotional roller coaster that came before the crash.

My mind plays tricks on me as I imagine each and every one of you fight with before indulging in something you know isn’t good for you but you do it anyway as a form of comfort. I needed comfort from my toying thoughts. As time passes by I wonder about things. I guess it’s normal since I’ve chosen this path without the medical field supporting me. But rest assured, I wonder.

So I hit a speed bump in my journey. Nothing new there, we’re all bound to come across one or two when fighting addictions, diet change, or on a health-filled journey. I need to brush myself off and get back in the saddle again and ride onto victory. It can be done and won.

I rode my stationary bike like there was no tomorrow and I went on a journey of riding down a sun-laden country road with blooming trees and a melody keeping me focused. It felt great to get away and when I looked out the window and saw more intense snowfall and shivering temps in the teens, I kept peddling. My bike ride took me away from the negative world into a wonder-filled palace that I’ll be visiting quite a few times until I get myself out of this funk.

The winter in life is almost over and spring is just around the corner. A time to shed clothes and peel away layers of inhibitions and be proud of making it through the dormant season into the blossoming Springtime of life! I haven’t made it yet but just a few more weeks and I’ll be well on my way to victory. Are you going to say the same thing? Are you at least trying to change?

What they don’t say is that there is HOPE for some change! If your doctor or your path isn’t brimming with hope and possibilities, it’s time to find a path that will lead to success. If lil old me can do it, I do have hope that you can too! 

Job 6:11 “What is my strength, that I should hope? and what is mine end, that I should prolong my life?”

What Can I Do For You?

Dan. 10:10 “And, behold, a hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and upon the palms of my hands.”

I asked Him, what can I do for you?

As I teeter on the brink of the beginning of the Lenten season, I asked what I could do for God. As in earlier years when I talk to God, He listens intently then gives me a softly whispered reply. This year his reply was ‘think about it’. What? Think about what? No, He’s not a God of confusion I knew what He meant but like so many other people who pray and want a simple answer, it is what it is, a simple reply.

You see, in years past I sacrificed by giving up meat, or Pepsi, one year I was told to blog for forty-five days straight. Since my illness has me sacrificing basically everything and He knows I’ve been a stoic woman strict in my protocol, God called for something different from me that I wasn’t expecting. Think about it. Now, you’re wondering, what, what did He want you to think about.

Here goes… He wanted me to prayerfully think about everything. Wow, that’s a tall order, you might say. Seriously, to me, it doesn’t seem like a sacrifice at all, and I wanted to do something grand, but there it is, ‘think about it’ plain and simple. 

Now you being on the outside looking into my window, reading my thoughts I put on my screen, you’re now thinking about it. Define ‘it’ if you can. Not so simple is it?

Before I write, I need to think of what I’m going to say. Before I pray I need to think what will be heard. Before I judge I need to think about the truth and if it will do more damage than good. Before I speak, I need to think. You might be saying that this is a quite simple task but not for me, the person still being molded into all He created me to be.

He knows me all too well, He knows I have a tendency to jump to a conclusion without thinking the scenario through and reacting to that too swiftly. Now He’s asking me to think before I act. You might be saying to yourself, “Oh I do that all the time.” Maybe you do but I don’t. Right there is a perfect example, I was going to write, “Yeah but you drink, eat, and fill yourself with toxins…” but I stopped and thought. Wow, He's quick! 

Yeah, it’s not going to be easy for me to think first. Luckily I have two more days to tell you what I really think. I’m kidding. I always speak my mind and sometimes, or so I’ve been told, I can be brutal in my honesty. I need to think before I speak/write and put my words more softly on the page before tapping out my aggravations. I can save my aggravations for my private pages of writing but even then, I will filter my thoughts and think first. You don’t know how challenging this is going to be for me. 

Now many of you might be familiar with the ‘Daniel Fast’, Lent is not the Daniel Fast. Lent is the season of remembrance of the days leading up to the Crucifixion of Christ, forty-five days to be more precise. They are similar in their purpose, to become spiritually closer to God, hunger for Him, physically and mentally in everything we do.

While some of you younger Christians, new to the faith, might misunderstand all of the activity surrounding lent and anything to do with fasting, let me try to explain it, gently. 

Let’s say you’re a new driver, what do you do to prepare for the exam? You study, you study your heart out so you pass, right? No, Christianity is not a test or the preparation for one, get that out of your head right now. New to the faith, you will read and read, and study the bible over and over until you feel comfortable with where you’re driving your life.

God is not a God who wants you comfortable because comfort causes complacency. God is a God of growth, we can only grow if we give new life to the skills we already have. We’ve studied and learned, we’ve passed the test but now we’re comfortable driving, in any kind of weather, we are in the driver seat. There it is, you are NOT in the driver seat. As a weathered Christian, you’ll learn quite quickly that God is always in the driver seat.

With your license in hand, well versed in driving the open roads, you need to learn something new that will enable you to drive on an ice skating rink. This is where fasting comes in; to spiritually grow we need knowledge and to fill up the tank for the long drive. Since we’re smug in our sense of security, if you’ve lived in Florida all of your life and you move to Colorado, you’ll quickly realize there is more to learn with your driving skills. There is always more to learn as a Christian. God does not like conceited Christians.

Fasting humbles the soul. I’m reminded of the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 5:3-12

Blessed are the poor in spirit, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 

Blessed are they who mourn, 

for they shall be comforted. 

Blessed are the meek, 

for they shall inherit the earth. 

Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, 

for they shall be satisfied. 

Blessed are the merciful, 

for they shall obtain mercy. 

Blessed are the pure of heart, 

for they shall see God. 

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

for they shall be called children of God. 

Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." 

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you.

The Daniel Fast (Old Testament) is the epitome of the Beatitudes (New Testament). God wants us to draw spiritually closer to Him. He knows we don’t have much time left. He calls each and every one of us to be filled with the Spirit and He also knows the only way for humans to appreciate all that we have is by taking something away, hence the fasting. It brings about a spiritual closeness to God that we may have never comprehended. We allowed our egos to drive our car and control our every step for far too long. Now I’m going to ask you, my friends, to ‘think about it’, plain and simple.

Eph. 6:10 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.”

Luke 22:43 “And there appeared an angel unto him from heaven, strengthening him.”

Gateway to Health: Spring Cleaning Your Diet

1 Tim. 3:5 “(For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?)”

Spring Cleaning Your Diet

I know it’s a little early being January and all, but it is never too early to clean up your health. I know with January first everybody made resolutions to lose weight but do they realize you don’t just stop eating and wait for the pounds to melt off? You need to clean your system out if you want a healthy weight loss that will actually work and last.

By cleaning up, I mean detoxification! You need to meticulously clean out the toxins in your body that have your liver, bladder and other essential organs not responding because of your unhealthy eating.

Tamara St John, who NATURALLY successfully healed her cancer has a great website for the Big C patients and the non-C patients. Allow me to say that not all cancers are the same and thus are not holistically healed the same. We all have to do what works for us!

But if you want to lose weight, it is advisable to do a detox. first. This will help you clean out the mechanisms that keep you going day in and day out. A probiotic will assist you in cleaning out and keep the house kept up. Because once you clean out your system, you don’t want to clog it right back up with toxins and junk.

If you don’t want to go the diet route then it is possible to just clean up your ingested food. You see, you might think that buying ground beef in bulk saves money, or buying really pink ground beef is safe to eat but know your grocer. A lot of times they spray freshness additives (toxic to your cleaned out system) to make the meat stay fresher on the shelf longer.

Some people feel they NEED meat but I can guarantee, it isn’t a NEED it’s a want, I totally get carnivorous amongst us. All I’m saying is buy the least toxic food available to you to keep your system clean and functioning properly. I found some really good recipe sites for you to try out. No, I haven’t made any myself YET, but I am surely going to try. If you absolutely NEED meat, add some. This is a lifelong journey of health for me, not a do and fail option.

Food Revolution 

Wisebread 

Also, find alternatives for your sugar cravings. I use 100% organic maple syrup in my oatmeal and it is delicious instead of stevia or processed sugar. There are so many other ways to a healthy diet. I buy a big organic sweet potato, chop it up put it in a lidded casserole dish. I ‘paint’ the sides and bottom with organic coconut oil first so nothing sticks. I sprinkle, nutmeg, ginger, cloves and a hefty dash of cinnamon, drizzle the maple syrup on top, toss in some FRESH pineapple chunks, cut up an apple also and throw that on top, toss it in the oven (350 degrees) for forty-five minutes! It is better (to me) and just as filling as any meat dish you can throw in your face!

There is a healthy alternative cheese also. It’s not as good as cheddar or processed cheese but I love the creamy grilled cheese sandwich my coconut cheese makes! A diet does not need to be restrictive; it just needs to be tweaked with better for you ingredients.

I know how people are addicted to chocolate too. For some reason, they don’t want to try the healthier raw cacao powder to make their brownies or cookies, but this way they could eat without the guilt of the chocolate being bad for them! I don’t like chocolate but I am tempted to try the raw cacao in a smoothie! 

There are healthy eggs out there, healthy chicken, healthy sausage, and even, yes Benning, a better for you healthy BACON! It isn’t a matter of going on a diet, it is a matter of changing your unhealthy eating to HEALTHY alternatives. I know, I know, no one likes change; not many like healthy either.

If we all became aware of what unhealthy food goes down the tube, we’d surely not be an overweight nation. Fast food restaurants would lose business, restaurants would change the way they cook and offer healthier foods to the patrons.  Papa Johns is testing an organic and gluten-free menu and we’re definitely going to see a rise in awareness of what we’re doing to our bodies. I don’t know how long Papa John’s will stand to the pressure of going organic if the founder was made to quit after comments about the money grubbing NFL and their protest ‘people’.

The crazy world we live in is really weird in not wanting people healthy and opposing anything the people do to better their health! Take the FDA, for example, wanting to ban herbs that they call DRUGS because these freakish people don’t know what they’re doing. I think they all WANT us to die, not thriving and healthy, they want us sick and on drugs! REAL drugs like opioids and oxycontin.

Sadly, you say you don’t want to change. I guess you like going to the doctor and handing them your money month after month? You like the pills they offer yet won’t call yourself a drug addict because they’re legal drugs prescribed by a doctor who has had eight hours of training in nutrition? There are a few doctors out there willing to hear you and listen to your plan of healing and will work WITH you to see you to good health. They are out there but if you come from a small state, don’t count on it, they are out for themselves. Do some research and make your health a priority! How can a manicure/pedicure, getting your hair done, buying ‘stuff’ set precedence over your health? It makes no sense to me. How will you enjoy all the stuff if you’re hospitalized or worse, dead?

Do some spring-cleaning for your health! Not just as a passing fad, not as something you’re thinking about, not just a do and fail trip; make your HEALTH your lifelong journey to survival! Illness shouldn’t be about sickness and the endgame; the surfacing of a disease is about HEALTH and a new way to LIVE!

Gateway to Health: HEALTH

Gal. 5:16  “This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh.”

Gateway to Health: HEALTH

Sickness is running rampant. People are carrying colds for weeks not days. The flu is knocking people out and killing some. Vaccinations for the flu are being dished out like candy and yet our nation is still overrun with illness. It’s so bad that medical supplies are running out in some hospitals and you say you still want to continue down your unhealthy path? 

I don’t understand. I’m almost at a loss for words but I won’t allow words to escape me. I’m a writer, not a fictional fantasy writer; I’m an adamant nonfiction writer. I see we’re in short supply! People are too busy with politics (still), Hollywood Happenings, and local crime to be caught up with the HEALTH of the nation, even when people are dropping off like dry skin.

My husband came home Friday asking me to make chicken soup. That’s the signal I need to know he’s coming down with a cold. After reading the (to me) horror stories of people being laid up for weeks on end with a cold or flu kind of scares me when he comes home with an illness. He works in the public atmosphere, breathing in toxic virus’ daily. 

I would tell you what arsenal you need to prevent or minimize your sickness but I feel like you wouldn’t listen to me anyway. Health nuts already know so I don’t need to tell them, I need to tell you, the ones who are getting sick! How many times have you heard about vitamin C over the years, thousands of times more than likely? They have all kinds of pills with zinc, and vitamin c and they leap off the shelves in droves. Notice that no one looks at the ingredients of those pills, they just buy because that’s what’s being shown to work on TV, in the media, and everywhere else. But you were still in bed for weeks weren’t you? 

I don’t take lightly to my fellow man basically killing themselves off. I don’t want to be the only one alive here because I learned how to take care of myself. I go on and on telling people how cans are toxic, plastic is toxic, GMO’s are not good for your body and microwaving plastic is even more toxic. Here is the ‘I need it fast and I need it now’ world, people are losing sight of the simple ways to take care of themselves.

Cans - 

Plastics- 

GMO’s - why they are toxic

Plastics -  why microwaving plastics may or may not be a good idea. 

Now there are links to every single one above to say that none of these things are bad for our food, the environment, or us. You be the judge. You're going to eat whatever you want anyway. Cancer is at an all-time high, pollution is destroying the atmosphere, our animals are being genetically modified, and a chemical toxin one way or another is constantly treating our crops. Sicknesses are lasting longer and pills, shots, vaccines, and addictions are all being brought front and center for you to be aware of, but is anyone doing anything to change the outcome? No, no one. Your government isn't going to save you from disaster. You have to save yourself!

I find it quite ironic when people get sick, (especially my husband) the first thing needed and wanted is Chicken Soup! Why, because it has healing qualities and tastes good. Do you wonder why chicken noodle soup is good for colds? It (should have) an abundance of VEGETABLES! Sure, reach for the vegetables when you’re sick, but reach for them to prevent getting sick? No way!

When purchasing my Vitamin C a couple of months ago, my husband got the wrong one. I needed the Soloray 5000 mg non-acidic powder. He inadvertently got acidic. The Big C patients need non-acidic. I have on hand two bottles of acidic vitamin C (and non-acidic for me)! 5000 mg is no small amount of vitamin C I might add. So a few months ago when he came home with the request of chicken noodle soup, I knew what it was for, a cold was looming. 

“I’ll make the soup if you take this vitamin C.” A bribe that worked and paid off!! His cold lasted less than a week! Now this time, with the fear tactics running rampant on social media and elsewhere, Friday I told him to take the vit. C and I’d make soup. Since his diet has changed dramatically, I do expect him to nip this cold and be out and about in no time. 

I have everyone in the house thinking about his diet intake but they are actually TAKING ACTION to change!! I didn’t say change or else, I let them live the way they want and you know what, they’re not happy with being unhealthy and are taking steps on their own to change! 

I’ve been on the healthy route for almost a year now (Jan. 25, 2017)! And since I have no fat to hold the toxins in my body, I’m hoping this cold he brought into the household will pass over me like the plague unleashed in Egypt. The Blood of the Lamb will protect me! I might get a sore throat or something, maybe a little cough, but I know that by continually eating healthy is paying off for me in more ways than one. 

The sickness scare would not be an issue if people were already healthy. It wouldn’t be newsworthy to report. I think people might like going to the doctor because that is at least one other person who will sympathize with their illness who can pat them on the head and hand them a drug and tell them to come back in six weeks.

I’m not in a state with alternative/integrative doctors that teach you about health and nutrition BEFORE sickness becomes widespread. I live in a state that thrives on GMO’s and demands that their agriculture is as healthy as the organic industry. The doctors are legal drug pusher’s destroying a once beautiful farming state. While the state might look big on the map, it is as small as the 20,000 small-town residents that keep the counties going. The longer I live here, the smaller the state becomes to me. It’s funny to me because I come from a tiny state on the map that has state of the art hospitals all within walking distance! 

While eating and living healthy is your Gateway to Health, you have to begin to change somewhere! While I’m out here striving to stay alive I have to watch as everyone around me is falling ill. It’s not a pretty sight, just as seeing a woman diagnosed with a dire disease, thriving and being vibrant with health must not be a pretty sight to you. Or maybe it is and you wished that you had her spirit, determination, and persistence in maintaining health. You CAN! 

Gateway to Health: Food

Isa. 3:11 "Woe unto the wicked! it shall be ill with him: for the reward of his hands shall be given him."

Gateway to Health: FOOD!

Can’t means you won’t!

Feed a cold starve a fever. 
Google definition:
“The belief is that eating food may help the body generate warmth during a “cold” and that avoiding food may help it cool down when overheated. But recent medical science says the old saw is wrong. It should be “feed a cold, feed a fever.”  Science-based facts listed here.

A natural way to healing the common cold and flu!

“Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food.” ~ Hippocrates

With illness running rampant and the flu in forty-six states leaving people bedridden, you’d think more and more people would be changing their toxic diets into healthy ones to ward off the virus’. Granted when a floating virus is in the air and you breathe in, it is pretty hard to ward off that illness once inside your body.

It’s apparent that not only was my immune system compromised and allowed this Big C to make its stand in my body, but the nation is under attack of the viral community. Doctors offices are filling up in record number as everyone checks in for antibiotics to fend off this illness that has them homebound and bedridden. Flu shots that don’t work are continuously offered, antibiotics handed out like a  candy vending machine, and people so seriously sick, some die.

All of 2017 I aimed people in the ‘changing their diet’ direction to ward off sickness, but did anyone listen to me? Nope, they all succumbed to the holiday indulgences of sugars, food, and people where the virus’ thrive, hence an abundance of people are now sick. So to me, it is apparent, you don’t value your immune system no more than I did, and thus life as we know it becomes altered and all you can do is lay in bed sick and complain.

In my healing process, I have had many traumatic memories flooding back to me that need releasing as I move on. They are all part of the healing process and the only way I actively work to release them is to write about them. One (non-traumatic) memory surfaced yesterday as I was discussing the rarity of my situation and the active change that I’ve embraced. Someone had said, they can’t change, they’ve tried but can’t. 

The memory of a nun in fourth grade pulling me aside saying, “Joni, when you say you CAN’T do it, it means you WON’T!”

Can’t means you Won’t has stuck with me since fourth grade and I’m wondering if when I was diagnosed if that wasn’t front and center in my mind. Can’t change my nasty diet/illness means I won’t. I turned can’t into WILL change! I WILL do everything in my power to take on change. Every time the thought came into my mind, ‘I can’t do that’, I remembered can’t means won’t, and I changed, quite drastically I might add all because of the nun and her statement in fourth grade? Well, thank you, Sister Margaret Mary! 

Oh how I wished I had a branding iron and could burn into to your skin those words, Can’t means Won’t, and every time you think you can’t do something, the mark is there to remind you that you CAN do it!

Maybe it would help if you watched the movie, ‘Yes Man’, with Jim Carey. He goes through life saying no to everything until an old friend sees him and asks if he is still at the same dead-end job he was in thirty years ago. His friend goes on to tell him how HE has changed his life by saying YES to everything. He takes him [Carey] to a convention that changed his life forever.

Then there’s the movie, ‘Stranger Than Fiction’, where the character is the real-life version of a fictional character who is destined to be killed off. He has to change his destiny. That movie resonated with me as a writer.

What does any of this have to do with your health? It has everything to do with saving your life and changing your diet to ward off these viral infections with a stronger immune system. What you eat has everything to do with your damaged immune system. You damaged the poor thing, you’ve let your body down and you WON’T change to save your own life. That is the sad fact of the matter.

I want to help by encouraging you to change. While I’m out here feeling GREAT with a disease that’s killing millions of people you all are in bed throwing Kleenex (or more) at the computer screen telling me to shut up already. I can’t/won't shut up, I want you to live as much as I myself wants to live.

Remember this, doctors stay in business with you sick. If people started getting healthy they’d have no business, they might be forced to learn new things about the health of a patient. I’m going to aim you to Vitamin C. Not a processed pill you pop from your over inflated pharmacy, a 5000 mg powder purchased from a reputable source online. Solaray (non-acidic is my choice) but the acidic will work better for the non-cancer patient.

If your doctor warns you off of vitamin C, think about that, our immune systems can be fixed with vitamin C, why would a doctor tell you NO? I can tell you that once your immune system starts fighting for itself, the less and less medication you will need. A probiotic will get your organs functioning properly because let's face it, if you’re popping pills, are overweight, are fighting sicknesses too many times in a year, you’re damaging your organs along with your immune system. Get them all (organs and immune system) on the same page, BUT, and this is MAJOR, if you WON’T change your diet, none of these supplements will work for you. It was nice knowing you. My heart and love to you.

People think all I eat is grass and they’d be wrong. Since I’m creative with my writing, I am also creative with my cooking. Non-toxic foods taste BETTER than the processed carbohydrates you shovel in, or the GMO meat you fill your bellies with, or even the lovely sugars you kill yourself with.

Take for example two eggs (for me) add more for more mouths to feed. I use the brown farm-raised chicken's eggs. I add an abundance of nutrition to just two scrambled eggs. Different days, different variations so as not to get bored.

2 eggs, scrambled
2 slices of onion finely chopped
slices of red pepper
garlic
I have a bag of organic spinach (I use for salads too) and I take a handful and like wringing out a rag wring the spinach and shred it in my eggs when eggs are almost done and veggies are soft and tender.
Flaxseed tossed in (ample amount, optional)
Green pepper
Mushrooms
Pepper (to your liking)
Cayenne pepper (to your liking)

I just add ingredients to my liking (veggies) until the eggs are merely a speck among the clouds. It’s a delicious dish with (organic) carrot/orange juice by Knudsen, or pomegranate/cranberry, they have very nice selections or the V8 Berry Bliss juice on occasions. They too have a nice variety but read the labels to see if sugar is ADDED and the carbs!

To put it quite simply my salads I make a feast out of by adding more and more colors and variations. My spaghetti is of the gluten-free variety noodles and sometimes I add chicken sausage (along with my peppers and onions and mushrooms). Be creative! When creativity comes alive when you’re cooking, the vegetables are rarely tasted but ingested and fed to your system in abundance! I also use Bertolli Organic tomato and basil spaghetti sauce. I prefer the glass jars over plastics for obvious reasons.

Change is not that hard when the taste is good. I drink purified water or organic juices. Even something as simple as organic oatmeal I make filling and full of fruit! I add raisins, banana or strawberry (or any berry) cinnamon, and use Organic 100% Pure Maple Syrup (to your liking), and I drizzle coconut milk over it (to my liking) along with two slices of toast with Almond Butter. Voila! A meal! And if I get hungry for a snack later, I go right for grapes or chunks of pineapple or baked apple and pineapple with cinnamon and maple syrup! No wonder I’ve lost so much weight. Everything I eat, my body utilizes! 

So when you say you can’t change because (fill in excuse here) you really won’t change because (fill in the blank.) Think about it, change is in your grasp and you won’t do it. It only takes one small step to lead to leaps and bounds but you won’t take that first step out of FEAR of Change, face it. 

God bless you all on your living journey!