Better Days: Powering Through

Hebrews 6:19 “Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil;” 

As I power through my story, I see some as a hard read and a lot is a hard write but I power through to give you the meat of the story as rich in detail as I vividly remember.

It has been four years since I found a lump in my breast, two years since diagnosis, and one year that the cosmos sucked away from me and I’m trying to piece the last year together to make sense of it all. If it’s a hard read for you, imagine living through it and cleaning up the mess you find.

I think I want to put my husband on a pedestal for a bit. When you marry and say words like ‘in sickness and in health’, you are not ever thinking that the day would arrive and you’d have to pull up your britches and show what you’re made of. Many times its the woman who comes through for the husband and quite often there are times when the husband has to stand up, be a man and take care of his wife in ways he’d never imagine.

When my husband went blind in 2009 I was hit with responsibilities I never knew before. I had to become his eyes. I was always the homemaker but he was the breadwinner and he was shot down as he became a disabled person, dependent on the money he put into the system. Dependent on me, in hopes I would stand by my man. We sailed through that storm and came out in calming seas as he had a cornea transplant and part of his sight was restored. Smooth sailing afterward, right? Wrong. 

Not long after his sight was restored, he lost his one eye because it was beyond repair. The system made us wait two years for the coverage of the operation and by that time it was too late. 

That is when my health started to fail. Not recognizing aches and pains for what they were, we just strolled along twenty-twelve and thirteen. Not without a bunch of doctor visits, mind you, until the dastardly lump made its appearance in twenty-fifteen and it was as if we were standing on top of a mountain being forced to slide all the way to the rocky bottom.

Twenty-fifteen was a year of loss. I lost three family members, one being my dad and my hubby lost an uncle. My medical needs would have to wait. When I finally had a chance to face the music, the diagnosis was grim. The doctor’s made sure fear would win this battle and that my God was not more powerful than they were. They LAUGHED at my faith. By twenty-eighteen I had the chance to at least smile in THEIR faces showing them that my God IS more powerful than they are! God and I are winning the battle.

My husband would step up to the plate and take on the nursing and caregiving. His mind wobbled from having the task of putting our beloved dog to sleep then BAM, I get worse and too much was tossed on his shoulders. I prayed. I had friends and family praying, not only for me but for him and my son who had to take on caring for their now disabled wife and mother.

In his panic, he would wash, dry and fold clothes, rearrange drawers, vacuum, and steam clean floors. He would do any and everything to occupy his mind as he dealt with this new routine he was forced into. Like I said, no one thinks that those words ‘in sickness and in health’ would slap them upside the head full force and hold them accountable, but rest assured, it will happen, often times in a quiet day! 

I was home from rehab, he would now readjust and hope beyond hope he was up to the task. While his mom wanted to help her baby and shoulder some of the burdens, he knew this was something that he’d have to do alone. A meal here and there from mom but the rest, lay at his feet wrinkled and unable to be folded. 

Weeks would pass and he struggled to remember the water or the grocery list, or place the claw close to me, or my walker or wheelchair within reach; sure he’d forget one or two things but would remember so much more. He was fighting this like a boxing champ in the fifteenth round, he was tired and worn, but would come out winning with a total KO!

Many men will say ‘I’d do it for my wife’ and many women will say ‘I’d do it for my husband’ but in truth, none of us know what we’re made of until something tragic happens and you have no choice but to stand up and fulfill that vow you took.

The past six months have taken their toll on us but as man and wife, circumstance has made us stronger as a couple. Every day that passes he sees in me the caretaker and homemaker he married, and even more so I see the husband I had every bit of faith in when I uttered the words sickness and health. 

May this be the year we both get to dance with health, we deserve to dance! 

Pss. 149:3 "Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp."

The Struggle Is Real

Prov. 16:1 (NIV) “To humans belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the proper answer of the tongue.”

The struggle is real...

In the past year since my diagnosis, I have a totally different perspective on life, as you can imagine. I don’t live aligned to the world like everyone else, eating what I want and not caring about my health because simply put, my inner health is as vital as my outer health. The sooner we all learn that, the more in tune we’ll be with the God within. 

I was a lot like you all in that I ate what I wanted whether it was unknowingly toxic or not (ie: fluoride in drinking water, microwaving plastics, processed food, and GMO food) I ate what I wanted and didn’t care if it was killing me. Food tasted good and everyone else was doing it and they ‘appeared’ healthy, somewhat overweight (is that healthy?) but appearing like all was right in their world, health-wise and otherwise.

Then it hit me, I have the disease everyone dreads hearing from their doctor. The fear-of-death laden diagnosis came out of left field, but if truth be told, I knew cancer was a possibility but I did NOTHING to prevent it. I was swimming along with the school of fish enjoying the plastic and oil spills being dumped into my living space; I didn’t care, like you, I just did not care!

Please, don’t tell me that you care about what you eat and drink and what goes in your body. Don’t tell me you care about yourself while slowly killing yourself. What you can do is jump on the scale and look me directly in the eye and say, ‘I am healthy and where I (and my doctor) want me to be! I CARE about Me!’ I wasn’t even overweight and I told myself that on a daily basis, and look at me now. I know the struggle and the struggle is REAL!

I came out from under my rock and peeked around at the world and it is not at all what I remember or care to see. I asked God a few things and this [similar] post popped up on my newsfeed on facebook.

A reworded, rearranged meme: 

God Said No

“I asked God to take away my nasty habits. 
He said NO. It’s not for me to take away but for you to give up. 
I asked God to make my handicapped body whole again.
He said NO. Your Spirit is whole and your body is only temporary. 
I asked for patience and he said patience is a byproduct of tribulations, it isn’t granted, it is learned.
I asked for happiness and He gave me blessings,  my happiness is up to me. 
I asked for my pain to be spared and He said NO, pain draws me AWAY from the world and brings me closer to Him! 
I asked Him to help me grow. He said No, I'll prune you so you’ll be fruitful. 
I asked God for all things to enjoy this life and He said NO, I’ll give you LIFE so that you may enjoy all things. 
I asked God to help me LOVE others and not be judgmental. Again I was told that is for me to learn so I can count every day as a blessing.

Sometimes we ask for so many of the wrong things in our walk of life. Our eyes are not turned toward God but away from Him and focused on the things of this world that pleases our eyes. When you are so consumed with the world, you shouldn’t make fun of others who have God as their focus. I'd like to help you, but again, you don't CARE to help yourself, so my words fail to you. I don’t make fun of you as you’re consumed with food, media, and the world that a box presents to you. I accept that we're all different. So please, don't make fun of me!

While others are consumed with life and living I’m consumed with dying and where I want to go afterward. My daily consumption is the Word and all that He is preparing me for. I won’t go from this world to the next with nasty smelling baggage. When I was consumed with the world it got me nowhere but sickness, illness, and destruction. 

While someone might find it okay to tell me to go back under my rock as I’m in the throes of fighting cancer, I have to accept that being hurtful is the new norm from a world gone wrong. I peek out momentarily from ‘under my rock’ as was so inconsiderately spoken, and I see a world consumed with food, gossip, media headlines, and fantasy. And nothing of God dribbles from their mouths. Oh, on occasion they utter a word or two to God to make themselves feel good but really, is that what this life is all about nowadays?

Not for me. These days I HAVE to be consumed with God because my perspective on life has changed quite dramatically over the last year. I don’t live on the playground with other kids, frolicking in the physical toxins that deplete life, I am living in the Spirit-filled world where the bountiful beauty resides in nature. I am me, you are you. If you are happy with who and what you are then KUDOS to you and your accomplishments. Now respect me enough to allow me to dawdle in what makes ME happy, and that is God! 

The struggle is real! This is the time that God says YES! 

Job 31:5-6 “If I have walked with vanity, or if my foot hath hasted to deceit; Let me be weighed in an even balance, that God may know mine integrity.”

Pss. 9:2 “I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.”

Quotation Saturday ~ Struggle ~ HOPE

Job 14:7 “For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.”

STRUGGLE

“Never throughout history has a man who lived a life of ease left a name worth remembering.” 
― Theodore Roosevelt

“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.” 
― John Milton

“You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.” 
― Shaun Hick

“A Nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but it's lowest ones” 
― Nelson Mandela

TASKS

“The humblest tasks get beautified if loving hands do them.” 
― Louisa May Alcott

“We were not sent into this world to do anything into which we cannot put our hearts.” 
― John Ruskin

“One of the greatest secrets of great leaders; 'they are not controlled by what they cannot do'. They’re directed by what they can.” 
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Invest in yourself, invest in today if you want to build a better tomorrow. Nothing will come from nothing. You have to be active in your own betterment, in the betterment of your life. You have to do what you can today instead of putting it off until tomorrow. Do what you can each day. Match the energy of the day to what you CAN do, rather than what you can't. Make a list of tasks that you will not neglect. What really matters to you? What really matters to you in terms of the future you want to build? Do that. Do something for your future every single day. Success is found in diligence and perseverance. Keep going, keep investing in yourself. Your life will benefit from it!” 
― Akiroq Brost

LEAD

“To lead people, walk beside them ...
As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence.
The next best, the people honor and praise.
The next, the people fear; and the next, the people hate ...
When the best leader's work is done the people say,
We did it ourselves!” 
― Lao Tzu

“A sign of power in a man is not only when people follow what he suggests, but also when people make a conscious effort to do the exact opposite of what he suggests.” 
― Criss Jami

“Real men don't dance to other people's tune, instead, they play for others to dance.” 
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“We took the path that led others nowhere and only we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. They warned us about the monsters we would encounter, the odds that we would meet. And they laughed when we got the scars while fighting the dragons on our way. When we came back out of the tunnel, holding the sword that they always craved for tightly in our hand. Bleeding and the sun shining on our face. We became the tales they wanted to be. We became the reflections of what they always wanted to see themselves through. We became the warriors they had always imagined of.” 
― Akshay Vasu

FOLLOW

“My heart says, ‘This way.’ The world says, ‘That way.’ God says, ‘I am the Way.’ And if perchance I choose to listen to the first two, I’m going to find myself so far off the ‘way’ that being lost becomes the ‘way’.” 
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“If you want to change your life start by taking baby steps, one at a time, and follow your heart passionately. The very desire to change yourself for the better is a good beginning. So go ahead, start your journey- sooner the better- and with that burning desire within you every step that you take brings you that much closer to your goal. But remember there are no shortcuts in life; you have to cross every stage and mark each milestone. In your desire to reach earlier if you take shortcuts, it’s quite likely that you may wind up taking a long, grueling, laborious, tiring and more difficult path.” 
― Latika Teotia

“It doesn't matter which religion I follow as long as long as I am confident in my faith.” 
― Anthony T. Hincks

“The day she realised, it was not about the world but was all about her, she grew the wings. The day she understood she was not answerable to any of them who always blamed and pointed at her, she had the fire blazing in her eyes. She raised and soared towards the sky. The whole world looked at her in awe and wished if only they could be her. She was not confined to be on the ground anymore. She had the wings of fire and she left a trail everywhere she went, for other to follow.” 
― Akshay Vasu

HOPE

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” 
― Paulo Coelho

“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” 
― Anne Frank

“Hope is the thing with feathers 
That perches in the soul 
And sings the tune without the words 
And never stops at all.” 
― Emily Dickinson

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. 
" Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope.” 
― Alexandre Dumas

Pss. 16:9 “Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.”

The Struggle Is Real

2 Cor. 5:17 KJV “Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”

The Struggle is Real

I know a lot of people who think that because you’ve accepted Christ that life will be full of luxurious bubble bath days and happiness. Some know and understand the truth, some are learning, some want what they want and want it NOW! 

Just like the above scripture, there is a simplified version from the AMP explained for us, you know someone else did all of the work and all you have to do is read it to understand the bible better.

2 Corinthians 5:17 (AMP) “Therefore if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life].” 

I’m not normally offended when I read scripture but that verse in my morning email struck a nerve with me. I’ll assume that AMP is an amplified bible, (total assumption) and maybe people like having someone else decipher and dissect every scriptural word of the bible for them so they don’t have to do the work for themselves. I totally understand what 2 Tim. 2:15 is saying and don’t need fifty versions of the bible to tell me. Don’t we all wish life was so simple for us, let’s have others dissect our life for us, tell us right from wrong so we don’t make any mistakes? I have cancer, here ya go, take it away from me. Make my job in doing all of the hard work in healing simple for me, please! I can read and learn the protocols in healing but no one is going to do the work for me, but ME!

We think that being a Christian that there will be no struggles, no hard days, that all our days will be filled with knowing, understanding and doing the right thing. I’m here to tell you, nothing in life is simple, not reading the Bible, not being a Christian and certainly not going a Natural path to healing when conventional treatment is out there to make an illness easier for us.

I’m also here to tell you that the struggle is real! Life is hard, being a Christian is hard work, reading the bible is a (fun for me) chore! Nothing in life ever comes easy. If you’ve had an easy life, raising kids or pets, if being an adult has been a walk in the park for you, well then praise be to God, you’re one in a zillion! Yes, I said zillion because no one has an easy road to walk in life! 

Being a Christian doesn’t make the road easy, and it’s not always paved; sometimes there’s gravel on the road and we walk along in our bare feet. Our journey as a Christian is as tough as the non-christian we just have a friend walking along with us at all times. Now some people allow Jesus to walk way up ahead so He can prepare us for what we’re about to go through. Sometimes people allow Jesus to sit on the side of the road to watch us stumble and fall. Others don’t believe there is a Jesus and only allows a god to be sunshine on their bubbly well-lit path. 

See what I’m saying? The struggle is real for each and every one of us, in reading, believing and walking. I myself, and I like to think many others, has the Spirit of the Lord WITHIN us. This way we don’t have to look outside to see where He’s at, at any given moment. If we feel weak, we know He’s our strength to hold us up. If we feel disillusioned, He restores our sight so we see. If we have trouble understanding the Word, He fills us with the knowledge to understand every intricate word.

2 Tim. 2:15 King James Bible “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

There are literally thousands of interpretations, languages, renditions of the bible but in all honesty, there is only ONE Word! With the Word, we have internal and external struggles but all struggles none-the-less. Our internal struggles wrestle with the new life we’ve been given in Christ. We wonder when He’s just going to simplify everything for us, after all, we’ve allowed him on our path, right? Wrong! He’s not there to SIMPLIFY your life! He’s there to fill your life with meaning, purpose and most of all, strength. The task is that you yourself have to do the work but you're never alone!

Ezek. 37:1 “The hand of the LORD was upon me, and carried me out in the spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley which was full of bones,”

Our external struggles come when we wrestle with the flesh, the mind on other things not of God. Free-will demands we choose from good and evil, there is no in between. We struggle with understanding the Word and is probably the reason we seek out a simplified version of the bible so we’re sure that we are understanding correctly. 

Ezek. 36:27 “And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.”

Can everyone and anyone understand the bible completely with so many renditions out there? With thousands of years passing the story around, do you believe it is possible that some words got lost along the way? I believe God to be the One and Only word and He places on your heart the understanding so no simplification is necessary. What is the purpose of discernment if we have the Word simplified in many variations? Shouldn’t we FEEL the Word in us and no reason for simplicity?

I could be totally wrong, (as often I am) but I believe over dissection of His Word loses the luster of the meaning SPIRIT-FILLED, for ME. The struggle becomes a battle of differences in opinions and again, lost is the Spirit that was intended in having the Word documented by so many people.

Some people want me to blame God for this disease I carry while others want to blame evil, darkness, and negativity while I myself blame no one except my life choices! The lusts of my free will ran rampant and I lost the battle. No, wait, I haven’t lost the battle, the struggle is still on, day after agonizing day, night after aching night, the struggle is REAL! 

Pss.119:50 KJV “This is my comfort in my affliction: for thy word hath quickened me.”

I don’t want the Word simplified and I don’t want this journey made easy for me, it is what it is, upon me and the path I chose. Good or bad, right or wrong, simple or hard, this journey each of us is on is never easy and can never be simplified. The path can only be embraced for what it is, a completion of our journey home. Remember, He never walks in front, beside, or behind, He always remains within!  You are spirit-filled from the moment of rebirth in His name! 

All praise and Glory to God

Pss. 119:92-93 KJV “Unless thy law had been my delights, I should then have perished in mine affliction. I will never forget thy precepts: for with them thou hast quickened me.”

Simplified - “I will never forget your precepts, for by them you have preserved my life” (Psalm 119:93)

Tis the Season

Col. 3:15 “And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”

Tis the Season

As the Christmas season unravels, starting with Thanksgiving, compassion rolls out like a red carpet. People start donating to charities but then there are posts on facebook of who NOT to give your hard earned money to; that’s the joy of the season. We are so desensitized and so ‘well informed’ that people out in the world get no help at all because they’re being told to pick and choose wisely who you give to during this season. 

Over the weekend I had a welcomed surprise. My niece sent money directly to my PayPal account. I cried because this girl is a hard-working young mother, cleaning houses for a living and took the time and money out of her funds to help me.  She just never stops amazing me with her compassion. I have another friend who has gone above and beyond on the compassion for Joni and helps so often, I feel spoiled. I have many amazing friends who have reached out to help me and the only way to thank them is… my survival and my continued positive uplifting writing. I call them my Spiritual Family because they wrap their love around me and blanket me with support.

Yes, there are people out in the world who care about other people but I’ve found that the algorithm of the Facebook feed shows the dimly lit pulse of the world and where it stands. Recently I’ve had to limit my time on the social media platform because sadly the heartbeat has flatlined across the board.

I do see positive in the world so I’m not just focused on the negative aspect. If I had to do a percentage, I’d say eighty percent negative, twenty percent positive. Yes, I feel that is how bad we’ve become. Hopefully, over the Christmas season, I’ll see a shift of great magnitude. The darkness cannot win.

When people tune into facebook I want to be the one bright spot they see. I had planned an altogether different post but scrapped it because to me it felt full of negativity, and I am in no way about negativity. I almost feel guilty for feeling so good when I’ve had the diagnosis of a lifetime that would have others crumbling. Again, that is not me, I don’t give up that easily.

For four years I struggled with the bone-crunching of arthritis, years before that I fought the debilitating depression battle and the angst of anxiety battle. I clawed my way out of the darkness that had a tight hold on me only to find myself face to face with the diagnosis that cripples people to the core. People were full of advice on what worked for them, pills, drugs, etc. but since I was a young girl I shunned drugs after surviving an epic battle of drug and alcohol addiction by the time I was twenty-one. You see, I’ve been in a raging war all of my life FOR my life and now I’m feeling great without the use of drugs and I feel like I need to shout from the rooftops the positive change that has washed over me and will carry me into the new year!

My success is not bragging, it’s not boasting, it is LIVING and surviving! Now don’t get me wrong, there is a force out there that tries to take my eyes off of the Lord during these times but the more I focus on God the more cleansed I feel. I wrote a post last week about changing or staying the same, and I find that with CHANGE everything, and I mean EVERY-THING, changed for me. 

If you’re out there struggling in pain, with non-weightloss, with migraines, or with a stagnant life and you feel like you’ve changed, then take notice of what you HAVEN’T changed. Maybe you’ve lied to yourself and tell yourself that you’ve changed but as you still overindulge, knock back alcohol, or feel like the change is getting you nowhere, maybe you need to do a reassessment of what you FEEL you’ve changed. Write it out and tell yourself the truth.

Tis the season to reflect on another year that the Lord has given you. Have you done everything you wanted to do, to change? Are you happy with everything the way it is, and don’t lie to yourself because you’re only cheating yourself? Maybe you haven’t been given a diagnosis of an illness that has taken your world by storm but are you not worth the change? Or will you wait until the New Year to make a bungled resolution? If you were given one month to live, what would you change? That is more than likely the part of you that you believed you changed.

Every aspect of my perspective on life has changed in this past year. Everything has shifted and I’m leaving no stone unturned. Now as I go into the New Year, I’m reaping the rewards of painless living. My wish for you this Christmas is that you embrace the change that is inevitable as we go into the New Year. My hope for you is that you scrutinize your life as much as you dissect the wrongs of the world and other people. Find within yourself a comforting place of healing and take hold of the real change in your life that will lay you at serenity’s door.

Phil. 1:2 “Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Peeve Of The Day ~ "Just Get Over It."

1 Pet. 4:12-13 “Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

My peeve of the day? People minimizing pain.

“Just get over it.” 

“Suck it up, buttercup, life goes on.”

Yup, those words right there grate on my nerves like screeching nails on a chalkboard. Telling someone to just get over their pain, depression, or anxiety, whatever burden they bear or cross they carry is minimizing what they are going through on a daily basis. 

If you’ve been through the depths of hell and have come back to tell the world about your experience that’s just great, you’re the one human God has chosen to break the gates of hell but if you’ve suffered in similar pain as someone else, don’t minimize what they endure daily by telling them to just get over it because YOU survived a similar pain.

You don’t know the pain someone is going through unless you’ve walked in his or her shoes and I’m pretty sure no one has walked [metaphorically] in another person’s shoes. No, we are on our own path in life and while you may have comparable pain, similar circumstance, identical health issues, you need to know that the person enduring the affliction owns what is happening to them, it can’t be borrowed or stolen it has to be LIVED.

Offering sympathy is one thing but comparing your incident with their daily struggle takes away the healing that they have in place and the prayer that they utilize by making their illness seem like they will just ‘get over it’ when that is not the case at all. They need time to drink in the healing that they are going through so they can make plans for what they need to change (if anything) and possible routes they might take.

Can you imagine if we were all on the same exact journey? Life would be no fun that way and would we all arrive at the same destination? Of course not. Just because the journey was ‘similar’ does not mean they are the same. Life is like that sometimes, we all think we’re headed to heaven but we do nothing in our life to get us there.

Reading and believing the bible isn’t going to get you there. Attending church isn’t any assurance that heaven will be your end destination. People tend to be misinformed when they think that the outward appearance of being a Christian is going to get them into heaven. 

All Christians may ‘appear’ to be the same but that is the farthest thing from the truth. We all are different in our journeying path but the one thread that unites us in a genetic strand of life is the blood of Jesus Christ running through our veins. 

Our disability isn’t what bonds us together. Our illness doesn’t define who we are in the living world. Our outward appearance isn’t the link to an eternal heaven. The only thing from the physical realm that is universally ours that we carry into the spiritual realm is LOVE. Love binds us all. Without love, the path will lead straight to hell and there will be no coming back to tell us about it on twitter, or facebook or through images on Instagram. 

So before telling someone to just ‘get over it’, or to pray more, hope for more, be more to the world; dig into the depths of your soul and find the love that lives there. When you want to hate…find love. If you feel the need to compare…do it with love. When you find a burning fire in your soul…douse the flames with love. 

Love is one of the hardest paths to journey on. You might think it is a simple task but tapping into the well of love on a daily basis is a struggle we all must face. You can give someone directions but that doesn’t mean they’ll follow them. Just as life and the trying storms we muddle through; we own our journey, it is ours alone. We might all strive to get to the same destination but we’ll all take different routes to get there.

May the God of love bless you all!

1 John 4:16 “And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.”

Amen!

Change

Proverbs 2:1-5 (NIV) "My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you, turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, and if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God."

Today is the day I will renounce my Christian label. Before you all go ballistic on me, allow me to explain. The label Christian means absolutely nothing these days. People toss the word around like a basketball; dribble it here, toss it there. 

Definition of renounce (before vocab nazi’s attack): to give up or put aside voluntarily: to renounce worldly pleasures.
2. to give up by formal declaration:

As I’ve been working through some tough things lately, I’ve sure been hit hard with a realization lately; I need the courage to let go of what I can’t change. I can’t change my past I accept that. I can’t change humans I have to accept that also. 

These humans are the very reason I will no longer call myself Christian. They have me struggling with my faith and it doesn’t seem fair to me. I have an extremely strong faith, a viable strength in the Lord, and an apparently different way of seeing things.

They (Christians) drink because hey, Jesus drank wine so it must be okay. Well to me, I don’t believe he drank a beer in His life and definitely don’t see Him nipping at some mushrooms in the garden before being tempted by satan. Was it all a hallucinating experience for Him and He just wish-washed the truth?

I wanna drink.  Thanks Christians.

They also curse, and that is okay too because I guess Jesus rode an ass so everyone must get the symbolization that we’re all asses? 

I wanna curse. Thanks Christians.

Is this a lie?

Ephesians 5:4 ESV “Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.”

So is it okay to joke and use crude vulgar language. All in fun, right Christians? 

More lies?

James 1:26 ESV “If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless.”

I struggle. Thanks Christians.

I’m beginning to think hell is the better place to end up when I die. Heaven is going to be full of people cursing, drinking, laughing at people cursing and drinking and maybe THIS is not where I want to end up. Christians believe they’re all going to heaven and these same Christians are the drinkers and cursers. Are they all going to change AFTER they get into heaven? Hmm...

I’m confused. Thanks Christians.

I will now call myself a Follower of Christ. Not a follower of humans who fill people with lies, have no remorse, have no character and basically they have a wilted soul. I can only pray for them in their disillusionment. I cannot change THEM I can only change ME! And this is what I strive for!

Romans 12:2 ESV “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Thank you Jesus! 

Now this is a post not many will like, maybe because of the truth it holds? My point is this I can call myself a Christian but it doesn’t mean I AM one. Just as I can call myself a butterfly but until I CHANGE from a caterpillar, I am just a caterpillar.

Thank you God! For making me, ME!

Psalm 19:14 ESV “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”

Confusion~ Conflict

Ps.71:1 In thee, O LORD, do I put my trust: let me never be put to confusion.
***

What a roller coaster of a ride. I have my ups and downs, my twists and turns, my corkscrew of a loop and then I live life like a straight and narrow path has been set before me as I walk along the road of life.

Sounds like a writers life, doesn’t it? Sounds like a novel. Ironically, this week in F2K, (the free writing workshop that I mentor) we’ve been working on conflict. Conflict in a story is essential, I guess, just like in life.

If we had no conflict in our story they would be boring beyond belief, no one would read a word of it, or at least they’d get so far into the story, realize there is nothing happening and decide to put the book down.

So I’m wondering, without conflict and controversy in our lives, would our lives then be boring? Sometimes which bread to buy can be a conflict on my weekly shopping trip. Although not really bread but the decision of what meals to make for seven days can stir in me a conflict.

And now I’ve come upon a fork in the road. Which do I take? The easy one that leads me to where *I* want to be, to achieve the things that *I* want. Is it all about me, me, me? No, it’s not and never is about me and what I want, it’s about a decision, made by God, and do I listen to him in his offering of settling the conflict, or do I go against what he is telling me and follow the path that I want?

A yo-yo, that is what I feel like, dangling by a string bouncing up and down wondering when the worn out string is going to snap. We in class like to use the inverted check mark.
Should be a yo-yo but really it wouldn’t define the uphill battle that the inverted check mark provides.

You start out slow going up the hill, conflict arises, you move onward and upward,  /\ , pace it nice and slow, throw in more conflict, reach a peak upheaval, then slowly resolve the conflict to give a to-die-for ending. This can be used in short stories also. You don’t want your story all cozy as a laz-e boy recliner, you want the lumpy sofa with no added pillows for cushion.

That’s my life, a lumpy sofa that needs refreshing. I like to have a plan in place, you know an outline, but when someone comes in and erases the entire central part of my outline, I need to try and figure out the outline all over again. Have a plan and stick to it. Sure, upon revision you can edit out or add to, but stick to the plan, or scrap the whole thing!

Do we go to Omaha or do we not? Does he listen to God and his heart or that of people? Does he buckle to man or rise in the Spirit. His choice. I’m just a yo-yo.

Confused? Join the crowd.

Conflict!

Phil. 1: 30 Having the same conflict which ye saw in me, and now hear to be in me.
***

What do you mean conflict? Like fist fights? Knock down, drag out, bar room brawl scenes?

No, no, no friends. Conflict in writing is essentially a stirring of emotions. Did you ever notice how picking out a dress or shirt to wear can cause you to look for a different dress and just forget about shoes, that’s a whole other conflict in and of itself!

Have you ever read a book that didn’t have conflict? Seriously, a book with no conflict is not even a book, okay it may be a text book or something but a story is not going to be carried along without the proper use of conflict.

Did you ever struggle with a spiritual decision? There you go, that is internal conflict. How about struggling with a school assignment? Conflict! Or how about trying to decide if you’re marrying the right man when a new one comes along. Oh yeah, that’s conflict.

What I’m getting at here is Lesson four, it's all about conflict. In f2k we hand you the essentials that is needed to build a story and you guessed it, after you use the senses, you need to get the gist of whose POV you’re going to use, then it is on to conflict and the struggle of what will carry your story (whether short story or novel, fiction or non-fiction) you basically have to have conflict for your reader to stay stuck on the book like a licked stamp! (Wait they don’t have those anymore, but you get what I mean, right?)

Conflict isn’t as simple as a car crash scene, or an argument, or war. More times than not the conflict in a story comes from inner turmoil. The point of indecision, the inability to make up your mind. This is all considered good story material and you can build around the conflict many paragraphs or chapters if you like. The idea here is not to be so full blown that it becomes over the top implausible to believe, you have to nurture the conflict like taking care of a wound. You don’t just hurry it up to heal, it takes time to heal, and then there is the scab, and then the full crux of the tale where we find completion, satisfaction. The healing of the sore so to speak.

So where is your conflict going to lead us, the reader? I like a good conflict in a story but I want subtlety. As in lesson three, you don’t need to go over the top, you just need to understand what conflict adds to a tale and you are well on your way to making the most out of your story.

Now what are you going to do? Give me some conflict and I’ll give you a brownie point!

Conflict in Writing

Numbers 31: 53 (For the men of war had taken spoil, every man for himself.)
***

Now we’re dipping into the good stuff, not that f2k isn’t wrought with good stuff but this week we’re going to learn how conflict added to a story can carry many chapters into a great novel.

Conflict isn’t about writing a scene where two people argue, or buildings blow up, people getting hit by a train, or other death defying fetes, conflict in a story can be as simple as Margo deciding what color dress to wear or which date is the better choice; the long ago high-school crush or the recent guy she met at the library.

All of this lends to the conflict in your story. On a broader level conflict can be a simple choice of whether the doctor gave the right diagnosis, whether the character wants to live or die, or maybe even he/she wants to become a monk and live a life of isolation. Inner conflict is as exciting in a story as are the knock down drag out fights.

Without conflict in a story, we would have pretty boring novels. Just think, had Frodo never found the ring. Would Lord of the Rings been as appetizing as it was? How about Harry Potter? Had he never had those disagreeing adults wanting to run his life, would the door have been open for the people at Hogwarts to come riding in (literally) to save little Harry?

We need conflict in our writing, even in our blog writing. We need to expel all the conflict in our lives or teachings to know whether we are on the right path or not. I can’t say that teaching writing techniques has bunches of conflict in here, enough to make you come back over and over again. But my poetry has enough inner conflict to keep you reading and wondering what the next poem will bring.

And sure enough there is always enough conflict in my blog because it makes you wonder if you’re writing right, you think about the craft, you dive into the conflicting feelings you have about writing and spit them onto the page in hopes you have something worth reading.

So, all in all, conflict is what makes the world go round. Conflict is what’s going to make your story go from wimpy love story to an all out triangle of people’s loves and thoughts.
As Valentine’s Day approaches, can you think of any conflicting feelings you have about the day of supposed LOVE? Why not write about it and see where there might be a story hidden in there for you to give to your reader.

Don’t beat me up for this post, drink from the pool of conflict and get some good writing done!

*** Congratulations to me, I made it to my 400th post! Way to go Joni!