Paranoia II

Prov. 13:17 “A wicked messenger falleth into mischief: but a faithful ambassador is health.”

Paranoia II

Sometimes when I begin writing I veer off topic and go in a whole other direction. Like yesterdays post, I wanted to write about the paranoia that seeps into everything I’m doing. If someone comments on a post I’m trying to share I get defensive when they don’t agree with me and they go off in their own direction in what they believe. My apologies, but that just does not work for me.

What I’m trying to do here is unconventional on so many levels, I don’t expect people to rally behind me and say go for it but I also don’t expect them to jump down my throat and berate me with why I’m wrong. I will refrain from sharing on facebook the doctors and websites that I read from and follow because more times than not it’s pointed out that it is a fake news site, the doctor’s are wrong because the medical world does not agree with their unconventional ways, or that I’m just a crazy woman. Well, that one I can agree on.


I’ve just deleted hundreds of emails because most were trying to feed my paranoid state. Topics covered were thyroid, diabetes, heart disease and the list goes on. Topics also include why the water I shower with is toxic, why this one vegetable is not good if I’m fighting the C, or why chemtrails are making everyone sick. The emails feed my paranoia as does the toxic invaders.

Anyone who is following my journey on a daily basis knows what I am going through. I have some people who come in and comment off the cuff and think I’m fighting a simple illness like the flu and want to discuss the ramifications of NOT getting a flu shot. I’m sorry people, I do not believe in the flu shot, vaccines, or anything the medical community tosses out for human consumption. If you read me daily, you’ll understand and know why! The pharmaceutical corporations lead doctors; their pocketbooks are lined by an addicted nation that THEY contribute to daily.

When I point out that the medical community knows nothing about nutrition I’m met with a person's statistics on the reasoning why they are okay with doctors pushing drugs, or how there is one doctor in a big city that knows about nutrition. You see what I’m saying? That one doctor is not helping ME, or the ones I turn to and read on a regular basis. I guess me spewing where I get my information is not syncing with you or the Harvard medical community as a whole.

I’m basically alone in my journey and I’m okay with that. I’m living in a world of people addicted to drugs, legal and illegal drugs mind you. Those people are as defensive of their drugs as I am in fighting for what I believe in. I don’t agree with you that every pill you pop is necessary just as you don’t agree that cancer can be fought and won with NUTRITION! Again, I’m okay with what you believe in but please don’t try and sway me from what I believe in just for argument's sake.

In January when I got this diagnosis the medical community worked hard as nails to instill FEAR in me. I being the warrior and rebel that I am, gently asked for time and they put kid gloves on and knocked me out of the ballpark, dropping me like a hot potato because their income just went out the door with me. They quickly moved on to the next uninformed cancer patient. Did they ever call me to see how I’m doing? NO, they could care less. All they care about is their money! I have proof as they quickly sent me to a collection agency for bills unpaid. I sent money to them but they returned it because they want the FULL payment, not a mere portion at a time. THAT is the medical community that YOU bow down to!

While I am out here feeling great, eating well and am on the road to healing, they still have the hold of paranoia on me in trying to bully me into paying for tests that THEY forced me into! In my distress of being informed of a death sentence, they wheeled me into one test after another knowing full well that the tests could cause the spread of the disease. But if I tell anyone in the medical world of this, they scoff and shrug, they are right and I am wrong. I don’t have legitimate sources or twenty years of 'studies' to back me up.

While I have changed everything I cook, eat, drink and wear, I’m still met with people who disagree with my choice in this journey. I am still being hit with a barrage of information that essentially feeds my paranoia. I have to watch every bite of food going in my mouth and the way it’s cooked no microwave or Teflon cookware for me. I read every label, I buy organic when I can, and feel paranoid when I can’t and allow it to still pass through my mouth. To me, that is cheating! If it is not organic and intricately scrutinized, I feel I’m cheating myself.

No, I haven’t cheated on the sugar intake in nine months. I bend a little on the carbohydrates but only because the first six months of strictly fruits and vegetables has passed. I now allow lentils and some (organic) beans, gluten free, grain free bread and still allow only coconut milk and coconut oil. Only free-range chickens and eggs are allowed on occasion, definitely not a daily basis because of the methionine content. And I have found that the only processed food I can eat sparingly is organic soups and chili. That’s it, but I am eating and happy with every bite I might add. 

With Thanksgiving nearing, I’m thinking of a meal for me and one for the carnivores of the house. While the guys will eat the normal meal of turkey and mashed potatoes, I might try a zucchini medley for me. The aroma will wipe me off of my feet and I may find myself sulking as no biscuits and gravy for me unless I can find something organic I can sink my teeth into. But as with everything else, I’m over thinking and allowing a little paranoia to venture its way into my assertiveness.

I am so glad that from day one of my diagnosis I was led right to The Truth About Cancer and Chris Wark and every doctor they’re affiliated with. It was no coincidence, as I don’t believe in coincidence. It could have been me manifesting my wishes in beating this disease alternatively but I would rather believe that I was led there by my FAITH and trust in God!

I am a Christian soldier, marching as to war, with the cross of Jesus, going on before! This fight is far from over. As with many other wars, this one can’t be won in a couple months or a year, this one will take years but I am up to the challenging battle. One day I’ll even be open to discussions where I can debate who is right and who is wrong but I’m not there yet. I’m coming up on my one year since diagnosis on January 25th, and two years since I felt the prominent lump in December. So you see, this battle is far from over and that is why continued prayer will carry me to victory.

3 John 1:2 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.”

May God bless the believers and non-believers alike!

Poetry Sunday ~ Dry My Tears

Pss. 6:6 “I am weary with my groaning; all the night make I my bed to swim; I water my couch with my tears.”

Dry my Tears

The sun slants over the horizon

Fears in the night fall asleep

A new day dawns of which I wake

Darkness slides into the deep.

Tears they dry by mornings’ breath

I dare not tell a soul

My heart it hides a rhythmic beat

Broken body bears the toll

Silence slithers in morning mist

Unspoken words decay

Alone am I on desolate land

Dried are tears I face the day

Frost it hides from rising sun

Scattered is the cold

It is with Light I dry my tears

Amid the mornings gold.

Pss. 116:8 “For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.”

*This poem was worthy of a repost from Oct. 2016

(c) all rights reserved

The Doctor Did His Job

Psalm 73:25-26 KJV “Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”

The Doctor Did His Job

He set out to break the barrier of positivism and hope down, and he somewhat succeeded. Let me just say that if he thought for one minute anything I was taking was toxic to my system he wouldn’t have hesitated in pointing out that hey, they’re toxic. In my research on cancer cures, turmeric, Vitamin C, garlic, ginger, ginseng and a host of other things are NOT toxic. Even mixed together in a cocktail all at one time these supplements WOULD NOT be toxic. Although I’ve found sufficient evidence to PROVE chemotherapy IS toxic.

The doctor did his job of instilling DOUBT and FEAR with words like, death, dying, my ability to see my grandchildren one day, and I’m sure many who have gone the chemo route are more than happy to have the chance to see their grandchildren. He also used the fear tactic, that if I was his underage child, he would get a COURT ORDER to MAKE me get the chemo, “But, you’re not underage so you have to decide,” he said in his strong Bulgarian accent.

God keeps telling me, “I can give you LIFE”, “I can fill you to the brim with Hope”, “I HAVE THE POWER TO HEAL if only you have the FAITH of a mustard seed.” His words are most definitely more comforting than what the doctor offered. Now I ask you, who am I to listen to? 

I remember talking to my GP last week and telling her that if I don’t BELIEVE that chemo is going to help me and my mind won’t ALLOW it to help, can it really help me? Isn’t the mind, body, and soul an empowering tool of ours? She looked at me and said, “There is some truth to that!” She went on to tell me that all I AM doing to change, my diet, my supplements, my exercise would only add to the beneficial treatment of chemo. Funny thing is, the onc. doctor said “Meh, you won’t need them with chemo. Chemo will save you alone.” As if chemotherapy was the Superman of cancer and not the kryptonite to Superman. You see how one can be broken down by a doctor who thinks like that? He’s right, I’m wrong, God’s wrong, and any and all supplements are wrong. Even though these supplements have been PROVEN but are still in the ‘clinical’ stages that I’m not eligible for. 

I’m watching another series on cancer The Truth About Cancer series. Did you know that in Switzerland, over twenty years ago a cure was found? You didn’t know that did you? A micronutrient synergy in the form of vitamin c, quercetin and green tea (that’s not the entire protocol) was saving lives but when brought to the medical board they were laughed at and scoffed at because the pharmaceutical companies had no stake in this flighty ‘micronutrient saving grace’. These were doctors of the Dr. Rath Institute in California, who brought this exciting fact-based plan to light and they were shot down. 

Doctor Matthias Rath 
and 
Dr. Alexandra Niedzwiecki 

These two are no fly by night doctors in the Cancer Research arena. These are the very faces that HAVE the cure! Why does the government not want this knowledge in the hands of patients? Why does the government stand by the chemotherapy route? Have you ever considered that we’re no different than the Jews so many years ago being led into gas chambers, all a part of a mass exodus to be rid of us? Why is God's Herbal Medicinal Healing, HEALING shunned when pharmaceuticals are PUSHED even on our small children with the likes of that new illness ADHD? Kids, OUR KIDS are being drugged too, not HEALED!

Are you getting the picture here? Well, I sure am and even if the PET scan comes back and says its spreading to my brain, I’m going to fight tooth and nail to not go the chemo route. It has only been a month of this protocol I’m on and I’d like more time! The docs can try to break me but my God is the only one who can destroy me completely! Since I have lived with this tumor growing in my body for possibly well over five-ten years, then what is the hurry in getting hit by kryptonite? I mean chemo.?

What scares me so? The Port. It's this small wire and a plastic button placed under your skin that would feed chemotherapy (radioactive therapy) directly to your bloodstream. The port stays in you for years until you are cancer free and then you have a choice to have it removed or not. Let me tell you a quick story. My aunt had cancer, was in remission, had the port removed, cancer came back more aggressively and she died. My uncle, had lung cancer, was in remission, had the port removed, cancer came back, port returned with chemo, and he died. A long slow, painful, deteriorating death. My aunt was 130 lbs when she died, (previously a 250 lb or more woman), my uncle a burly 180 lbs. died underweight also. My dad had throat cancer, he was in remission five years and he chose NOT to remove the port. He eventually died of COPD after being in the hospital for a month. 

So you see, losing THREE family members in the same year also has me wanting to fight AGAINST chemo treatment. They didn’t fight, they basically followed the leader and lost the battle! I will NOT follow the leader! I will follow Christ and what He wants me to do!

So maybe the doctor didn’t win in the end. He placed doubt and fear deeply in our visit and I’ve carried it, now I need to be rid of it, NOW! Prayers are always my saving grace. Praise be to God.

Well, I just found out that the PET scan is going to cost us over $1,000 dollars that we don’t have. GREAT! Whatever is in that fund up there will be used to pay for it. I’ve got enough supplements for I believe 30-60 days. Whoa…just… falls silent …..

I Choose To Believe

Gen. 15:6 "And he believed in the LORD; and he counted it to him for righteousness."

I Choose To Believe

I have a new favorite movie, it’s titled Little Boy and it’s about faith, racism, hate, love and belief. It shows the strength of one little boy who gains faith so that he can move mountains AND that he can will his father home from the war. I like this show so much that I watch it over and over again when I feel doubt seeping into my life and it pulls me out of the mire. 

As you should know by now I have been diagnosed with cancer; Her2 positive stage 3. The first day I was told I was devastated because like you, the word cancer elicits fear and immediately the word death falls from your lips. How do I know? I’ve had too many people in my life fall victim and die that’s how. ALL chose chemo, ALL are now deceased. 

The next day I woke up empowered to change this diagnosis and fight it head on. It’s no different than Christ calling you into battle and you either fall to the sheep and follow behind what the majority of men and women on this earth would do, or you take up arms and fight for Him.

I drastically halted my lifestyle in one day; no sugars and no carbs. Had I done this sooner, I might not be here writing about this diagnosis but it is what it is and here I am finding a way to LIVE. What I found with this shift was that I had no food to eat. I looked in the fridge and there was food, but the meat was chemically enhanced for taste, the cheese processed, the boxed food all had chemicals that would feed the cancer, even the vegetables were chemically treated with toxins for better growth and sprayed with pesticides, rinsing them, soaking them in vinegar is not going to take out what was put into something as simple as a carrot. 

I went through the week nibbling on toxins until I could find a weapon on the battleground. Organic, cancer-fighting techniques that could actually STOP the progress of all the toxins I’d had in my body. I would halt the growth of the cancer that I was feeding on a daily basis. The little YouCaringFund is essential in helping me in this battle! I thank each and every one of you for fighting this battle WITH me not against me. I love you!

What I’m finding out is that we all have the cancer cells dormant in our body and it's just a matter of time until they wake up and decide to take over all the cells in your body until you no longer have a defense mechanism in place. That small lump is fed day after day by your chemically treated water, your nice big fat juicy steak that was shot up with steroids, your vegetables that were sprayed with toxic chemicals before they were processed and treated to another chemical treatment so they last longer on the shelf.

You’ll say you don’t agree with the way our food is chemically treated, yet day after day your placing chemicals and toxins in your body that you think is good food because you think it was properly handled. Just how was that fish caught out in the Pacific Ocean tasting until the thought of Fukushima Japan had a chemical leak popped into your head? You rinsed it? You cleaned it? And that made it all better? I guess the poison didn’t get into the meat of the fish, huh? 

The following week after my diagnosis, I was told that chemotherapy would be used in the fight of my cancer. Wait a minute, it is the toxins and chemicals in the food and water that got me here and I’m supposed to just let you shoot me up with more toxins and radiation?  I might as well eat all of the Pacific Ocean fish I can, it’s not going to hurt me right? Radiation is good, right?

Research, that’s what I need and you know what I found out? Radiation is not good. Radiation will kill the cancer cells but it will also kill any other immune-boosting cells I have. More research, page after page, hour after hour, the result? I can beat cancer without chemotherapy. Chemotherapy is the LAST resort, not the FIRST resort. 

If you can go into battle with vitamins, oils and hoop-de-la witch doctor fanatics (that’s what everyone believes self-treatment is really) why are people still dying of cancer? Let me put it this way, just because you took the fish out of the water and cleaned him up, it isn’t fighting what built up his muscle throughout his life. 

Holistic healing is just that, HEALING the meat on my body from within with God given herbs, fruits, and vegetables that were essentially put here for us to nurture our bodies with. The almighty dollar got in the way as the government allowed its people to be slowly deprived of the real nutrition that would sustain our life. They shot up our cows and pigs and poultry and gardens as well as our waterways with TOXIC CHEMICALS. We are now junkies relying on our fix and I am fighting back just as any other drug addict would. Do they treat drug addicts with chemo? No, why not? 

Cancer is NOT a death sentence, it is a wake-up call! Am I going to die? Yes, I am but I will go out fighting! Are you going to die? Most definitely, you don’t know when or how no more than I do. Do I want to live? Most definitely, just as much as you do but I’m taking action right now right this minute as I purify my system not toxify. If I continue in cleaning up my body the old way with toxins and poisons, vitamins and supplements will never reach the portion of my biological chemistry that's needed to change the outcome.

Remember, cleaning off the fish is not going to make him healthy enough to eat, he has to be cleansed from the INSIDE and there is only one way to do that, counterattack the toxins in his system. Fish need to be nourished not destroyed. Man needs to start tending his garden now not shooting up to get his fix for another day. 

Back to the movie Little Boy, he believed! He believed he could end the war, he believed he could will his father home, he believed! He had the faith of a mustard seed and that is all we’re asked to have. I BELIEVE I can beat this! I BELIEVE I can win the battle! I don’t believe in chemo so how is that going to help me? I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE!

p.s. If you have a negative opinion and goes against what I BELIEVE please keep it to yourself. It’s not helping, it only adds negativity to an ocean of positivity. 

Top Ten Trigger List

acidic vs akaline

An alkaline chart:

Matt. 17:20  "And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you."

Go Team! Football vs.Writing

I was thinking, since I’m such a football fan (Go Huskers, Yay Colts) that writing is a lot like a football team.

Go ahead and think me crazy but listen to the logic before placing judgment. There is a coin toss in the beginning of the game, right? Well that is sometimes what writing seems like, a complete toss up between getting published or not.

Then we have the field players. Words, adjectives, adverbs, nouns, etcetera are all vying for the win. In the beginning (we writer’s call it a rough draft) we play the field after placing all of these words in order, line them up and charge down the field at the opposing team. I like to think the opposing team in writing as writer’s block! You know that stiff tight end (you) you’d like to kick in the rear while it sits back with a blank stare, gazing at the empty page all the while having water poured down the throat? This is you watching from the sidelines instead of getting out there and playing, I mean writing!

Ok, we’ve got the words all in line, we have the opposing team ready to tackle our butts, now it is time to charge. Make some sense out of the story before we get the wind knocked out of us. We have our protagonist, our antagonists, all of the conflict ready, ups and downs, highs and lows, we pulled off a good piece of foreshadowing,(Deep breath here) then we revise. This in the football game would be called a field goal!We've basked in the afterglow of completion then we finished our story and now have to tackle the tough stuff. We huddle, then get back to the field, ready.

You see, football can be like writing, we have our coin toss, we have our rough and tumble days of opposing forces, I think sometimes we even have a bouncing ball on our screen! Maybe it is just squiggly lines telling us we’ve spelled a word wrong. But that doesn’t stop us does it? We continue on until we have something legible in our hands and are ready to make a TOUCHDOWN! That would be to place it up on the market and let the world see. Maybe get it published?

I can hear the crowd roaring behind me, my cheerleader's, although not as hot and big breasted, are my fiance and my son, standing on the sidelines yelling out, “Go get ‘em!”
I’m so glad they’re wearing their sweats as they cheer. I never did think they looked right in a skirt!

And as I’m running to catch that game winning touchdown pass, my helmet keeps me from bumping my head on the ground too hard as I fall, get rejected, but I still have the winning touchdown, my manuscript.

I wave to the crowd, thank them for all of the support, do a little winning dance, and go back out onto the field to run down the entire length all over again and again until I WIN the game, I become published!

How’s THAT for analogy?

Wait until you read my chess analogy. *wink* *wink*