Friday, February 21, 2014

Stressed ~

Pss. 126: 6 He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

I’m Stressed

What? Happy-go-lucky, Joni? The lady that's always thinking positive and lifting people up? Stressed? Really?

Yes, Joni, stressed, one and the same. I am human after all as much as many of you think I’m not. I hurt, I cry, I sin and I get stressed. The only difference in me is, I take it all to God and allow Him to carry my burden, then I pray, pray fervently for an answer, any answer, even if is not the answer I had thought of, I fervently pray.

When I announce to my virtual friends that I’m stressed, I don’t expect them all to come running and offer me comfort but I do expect a little compassion. Sure in my weakened state they will offer me scripture, God this and God that. Yes I know, that is why I fervently pray. I would just like one, any one to say, “What’s wrong?”

When I’m stressed, it isn’t the time to taunt and tease me because I seriously react differently than when I’m not stressed. Sure, I can take a taunt and tease as well as anybody but sometimes I just need to vent and THANK GOD I have my writing for that, because in my flow of words, writing is the only thing that helps me since no other so-called humans even understand. That is why I turn to the Holy Spirit and my spiritual gifts.

It hit me Saturday, when Steven’s mom asked, “So do you have any plans for graduation?” Me? Plans? I hate plans! Like rules, they were made to be broken, right?

“Um, no.” I replied. 

Then for the entire ride, thoughts came in like a wave crashing on the shore. The wave being the thoughts and the crashing being them hitting me like a ton of bricks the wave carried in.

Graduation. I never really thought the day would come since I home-schooled Adam for eight years of his school life but now he’s a senior nearing graduation and thoughts are swirling like a twister in the southern heat!

Okay, a little compassion here. I think I’m feeling a little of what is called ‘empty-nest syndrome’ or something closely related to that. No he hasn’t left the nest, but he plans to. He has also made HIS OWN decision in not entering college. While I hear the scoffers of his decision, I myself think it is a wise decision and am standing behind him, well, since I’m the only one he has.

I notice so many parents and schools put pressure on kids to attend college to ‘better your education’, to ‘get a good job in your future’, to ‘make lots of money, down the line.’ Yes it is a lot of pressure on a kid who just wants to end a harrowing school experience and be done with it all.

Why I think it is a wise decision? Who is going to PAY for college? Will he be indebted for 50 years for a college he was pressured into attending only to drop out and decide to do something else? The boy is thinking of getting a job, saving money, and deciding ON HIS OWN if college is for him. From an adult standpoint he’ll know what HE can and cannot afford. He IS his own person after all!

Now back to the graduation woes. Adam has no family. The only family he has known for eleven years has been Steven’s most awesome family. My family has no cares for him, he has no father, he has no aunts and uncles in my family to even congratulate him or say, “Way to go, kid!” They might when the time comes but I highly doubt it. They’ve had nothing to do with him all these years, why say anything now? On my side of the family all that Adam has had has been my mother and father, but they are too old to travel with all of their health issues, so no, no family for Adam.

Now, Steven’s mom offered us her house for a ‘get together’, for anybody that DOES show. Then she mentioned invitations, pictures and so many things that go into a senior graduation, my mind went into a tailspin and here I am venting into the unknown. Thanks MOM! Haha, I chuckled. She is one of the kindest, sweetest women I know!

In the four years that we’ve been here in Nebraska, we’ve attended 4 graduations for his nieces and nephews. They had the whole pic thing, the invitations and kinda nice parties if I do say so myself. Surrounded by family and friends, food and a good time. Again, Adam only has Steven’s family and if no one shows up, he’ll be alone on one of the biggest days of his life. Okay, okay, I KNOW mom, Bobbi and Mike will show, they’re rocks that way and they love Adam!

And to top off the stress, it falls on a Saturday. Steven works on Saturday’s. Will he take off? Well, he BETTER if he knows what’s good for him. Haha That being ME! I think he is all too eager to see the nest empty but does he really know what that means? HE will have to do all Adam’s chores! Taking the trash out, cans out, drying dishes and putting them away, vacuuming, mowing, etc. etc.  I hope the day turns out important to him since he has been the only man figure IN Adam’s life!

Graduation – coming to a May near you.  *Deep sigh*  …. To be continued…

Mark 11: 23 For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith.


Debbie Seko said...

this time in a mothers life can be very stressful and carry loads of hurt that only another mother can really relate to. I wish I could promise you it gets better, but my daughter is now 31 and I still suffer from empty nest syndrome often! Until I found Jesus to help me carry the load I feel under the pressure and became a different person than I am today.

It will not be easy, but we both know all things are possible with Jesus as your power source.
Talking about with others who know helps.

(hugs))) ♥

joni said...

Thanks Deb!

I think of my mother and how if I'm late calling her by 15 minutes, she worries to no end!

I'm excited for Adam because he is so much smarter and wiser than I was at his age.

I've prayed and prayed on this one and HE is my only comforter. Knowing all mother's go through this is a nice cushion. :)

I'm okay...for in May...LOL
I'll listen to God and see what He says. :)