Friday, July 22, 2016

Feeling Hopeful Through the Pain

1 John 4:18 (NIV) “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.”


Well, it’s been a pretty exhausting week for me. No, I haven’t been working myself too hard and I learned something really early in this disability and that is to 'know my limits'!!!

I go out early in the cool morning hours and water my garden and fill my birdbath. I pull any weeds I can without hurting my back and then I come inside to do the inside chores of washing clothes, ironing hubby’s work shirts, planning the meal for dinner (preferably not one that consists of the use of the oven) more times than not, in the summer months I use my slow cooker or make a nice refreshing pasta salad, or a tossed salad and some turkey wraps. 

After my chores, I start my writing, usually an inspirational blog post or something of that nature. Today is a hopeful day. I was so encouraged by my friends I woke yesterday feeling hopeful in my future of writing, blogging and just being alive. I got out early to water my plants, was enjoying the breeze so much I decided to wash my car, then when I finished I went inside to wash two loads of laundry. Hubby had gone food shopping at seven a.m to beat the heat, then he came home and sprayed for weeds, and as I washed the car, he whacked the weeds with a weed-whacker! He was on a weed killing mission, I can tell you that much. 

I came inside as it started to heat up outside washed some clothes and then began the afternoon by writing in the nicely air-conditioned house. I would every once in a while peek my head outside just to see how hot it was and by 5:30 it was 99 degrees with a heat index of 108!!! Wow, after living in Texas for six years you think I’d be used to the heat but this is an airless hot where you try to breathe and are reminded of what hell potentially feels like. 

I made a mistake in the midst of my euphoria and that was to try and get a fly off the back of my right leg using my pained left leg, not a good idea! I lifted my left leg backwards and used my foot to swat the blood-sucking varmint. It rendered me practically immobile when my left leg dropped by the inability to place any weight on my left foot and I was forced to stagger painstakingly inside to the heating pad. Yeah, how exciting is that to have to sit on a heating pad when you’re trying to get cool? And amid such a good day!

I often wonder why. Why me? Those thoughts often discourage me and my friend told me recently that it’s to bring you closer to God. You see, the people out there that just soar through life with nary a problem turn to God when they NEED Him and some people find that they don’t need him at all, they have their egos and they’re good with their not-a-care-in-the-world- life, but us who are always seeking God and want to be so close to Him that we fall asleep at night in His arms are usually the ones with the heaviest load to carry.

My daily pain brings me that much closer to God himself. No deed, no selfless act, no not-committing-all-ten of the commandments is going to bring me closer to God than my pain. 

When you’re suffering, the first thing you do, and yes even atheist have been known to do, is cry out dear God help me please, or dear sweet Jesus. Only because in some sense we know, that is the only comfort we’re going to get.

Now a lot of people have turned away from Christ because either they really don’t care if He exists, need PROOF that He exists, or don’t like the non-answer they get from Him. Allow me to tell you this, He has always answered me! Maybe not in the way I expected him to but yes, He has always answered me. Sometimes he tells me to be patient and wait, sometimes he says how about this instead? Yes, He always gives ME an answer.

So as I sit here literally crying in pain that my leg renders me, and asking God why? He gently nods – because you need me. Ahh… that was sweet. 

Jer. 15:18 “Why is my pain perpetual, and my wound incurable, which refuseth to be healed? wilt thou be altogether unto me as a liar, and as waters that fail?” < I question
He answers >Jer. 15:20 “And I will make thee unto this people a fenced brasen wall: and they shall fight against thee, but they shall not prevail against thee: for I am with thee to save thee and to deliver thee, saith the LORD.”


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