Spiritually Speaking

1 Cor. 1:26 "For ye see your calling, brethren, how that not many wise men after the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called:"

Spiritually Speaking

The day I came home from my first round of chemo, my body felt like it was pulled out of an ice chest, set in the car, and told to go home and fend for yourself. Basically, that is what happened when the lady behind the desk looked at me stupidly and asked, “Is that all for today?” I’m not a cursing woman but I’m sure my eyes poked hers out with the daggers I was slinging at her.

Luckily, I had taken a small blanket that Steven quickly wrapped around me as he saw the chills were getting the best of me as he buckled me in the truck. Yeah, you’re at the whim of everyone when this takes place and luckily I got one of those good men that can handle taking care of me. 

But the white dove… when he made an appearance earlier in the week, I knew he was spiritually telling me that things were going to be alright. I haven’t seen him since mind you. Things just didn’t feel like they were all going to be okay at this moment as every bone jingled, every tooth chattered, and tears, well, of course, they were not in short supply, they overflowed my eyes like the Niagara Falls!

I got home, was helped into the house, helped into my pajamas (with a hefty blanket wrapped around me, mind you) and laid back on the bed. I fell asleep instantly. I woke to pee a couple of hours later, took a pain pill then it was back to sleep until the next day. 

The next day I woke to feel very stiff, hungry as all get out because a pretzel was the gist of my food the day prior, and I felt like I was in the Cone of Silence, I spoke in whispers, and no one heard. I was in a fog. Luckily Steven had off that day because I would’ve been no good to take care of myself. Honestly, a couple days passed before I can say I consciously remember what happened.  

I wasn’t hit with a ton of side effects and chills were the main thing on the day of treatment, to look out for. I was told they’d call and see if everything was alright on Friday but it was Tuesday before they called and asked if I had found the bottle of poison I passed on months ago. It was an Estrogen blocker but the side effects were worse than the chemo Herceptin and I quite clearly told her I was not comfortable with taking them. I found an alternative blocker and told her that THIS is what I’m taking, the only side effect was a possible headache. I’m okay with that.  The doc didn’t understand why I wasn’t willing to take a prescription DRUG with an arm's length of side effects including liver damage, possible heart damage, hair loss, and a lot of other losses I just am not willing to gamble with! He needs to see the bottle of what I’m taking and I’ll show it to him, next week on my second trip of a ten-year dance with chemo. (The Doc is a he, Navigator is a she)

I knew my birthday was coming up and I was so glad to finally relax and have a ray of light shine in my window after the floods and snow absorbed my mind and chemo stole my positive line of thinking. I was losing hope and this is not something I’m familiar with! It is totally foreign to me! I’m upbeat and overflowing with positivity! 

Thursday would be a Joni day! My son was coming out to see me to give me my gift, (because he’d be working on my birthday) and my mother in law wanted to come out and see me too, because on Saturday my nephew, her grandson, was getting married. I haven’t seen her since Christmas, so that would be nice. I wanted to hear how the flood affected her little town that made National News for the first time in their lives I imagine. She had not seen any of my progress since December and I’ve come along way since then. She had no idea about my choice of doing chemo. She had company the week before and I was too shaken by the events to rain on her parade so I kept it personal. Okay, my online friends knew more than my family, just so you know!

My son got me an awesome sketch pad and an extremely nice pencil set so I can get back into my sketching. I need to refocus on something more than Facebook and just writing about the Big C. I need to focus on my passions and love! My drawing, my poetry, my gift. My story, my husband and my son are number one in my life so I need to focus on caring for them, but also nurture the passions and gifts that God gave me. My M-I-L brought me a card with money (always needed and helpful) and a soft cuddly bear with inspirational words attached to her ribbon. I named her Harmony, a grayish bear with one black ear! A precious addition to my growing stuffed family.

I was slowly feeling uplifted, but I needed to be careful because one thought, one memory could just knock me down. Saturday, my birthday arrived, I was going out to enjoy my day and have Chinese food! Woohoo! I’m on a strict protocol but sometimes the strictness binds me and it gets me down. It would take a knock on my door and a beautiful flower from someone many miles away to boldly lift my spirits! Online friends who can reach your front door with acts of kindness need their own special blessing because I’m telling you, it started a snowball of an all-around good day!!! Thank you! 

At the Chinese restaurant, I got the garden medley. My goodness, green pepper, broccoli, mushrooms, onions, carrots, and more in a nice sauce, with rice on the side! It had been gray and dreary and my one wish, my one prayer was for some sun not only for my birthday but for my nephew who was getting married outside at his family's home where he grew up. He wanted a special day as much as I did. As I walked out the door to go on my adventure, the sun came out!!!  Bright and beautiful with a little blue sky in the mixture. It was going to be a great day! What a meal I had! I bet it was a really nice wedding, too. Because of my disability, I like to spare people the burden of coddling me when something more important than me is taking place. 

I was feeling hopeful but I’m telling you it only takes one thing and wham, I’m down. Sunday it would be my talk to my mother. She is so depressing. She says over and over how lonely she is, how she has nothing to live for, life is not worth living, etc. etc. NO, no one can get through to a woman who all her life was dedicated to her husband and nothing else. Of course she has nothing to live for, with him gone, she literally has nothing. It’s sad and it brings me down, and she has NO IDEA of what I’m going through.

Monday came and I was trying to pick myself back up! I woke, cleaned myself up, got dressed, exercised, ate fruit, washed clothes and I was well on my way to a brighter day, even if the sun wanted to play hide and seek every single day! Adam visited and it was a good day, exhausting but good. I needed rest. I normally set myself by the front window with my computer but I was so exhausted by six o’clock I decided to just go lay in bed and meditate. I took my computer and instead of surfing, writing, or anything else, I chose meditative sounds to help me calm my nerves and the loss I had been feeling.

I had not realized thirty minutes had passed but I opened my eyes after a relaxing prayerful meditation and just sighed. It was a good sigh and then I caught something out of the corner of my eye. Something was saying to look out the window. The curtains were drawn but a couple of slats of the mini-blind were open. I saw something white. A mound of snow? No, it moved. Must be my white dog, Riley. No, it’s too white to be her. I jumped up not believing what I thought it was, a duck, so I made my way to peek out the window.
“My dear sweet Jesus, it’s a duck!” A BIG WHITE duck and a small black one were nestled on my lawn. Just sitting there looking around as if dazed.

My husband jumped from his chair and came in to see. He couldn’t believe the white dove and now a duck? He was scratching his head too! We both made our way to the back of the house so we could see with camera in hand what we were seeing! There they were Yin/Yang I thought. A big white duck and a small black duck.

From Wikipedia: “In Chinese philosophy, yin and yang is a concept of dualism in ancient Chinese philosophy, describing how seemingly opposite or contrary forces may actually be complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world, and how they may give rise to each other as they interrelate to one another.”

Hope was speedily returning to me. Could this be the push I needed to get me through another session of chemo next week? When Tuesday came I was almost afraid the hope would be gone but it was still there. And when hubby checked the mail there was a THANK YOU from the wonderful ladies of Physical Therapy with a thank you card. I had framed a poem and gave it to them for their office and they thanked me for that ‘blessing’ and so much more, my genuine thoughtfulness, my spunkiness, and the laughter I brought to them. I had made my mark as I apparently do. 

I read something this morning by Max Lucado: When Joseph, Mary’s husband, was asked to do something for God, instead of saying NO,  “Joseph obeyed. God used him to change the world.  He does the same with us.  Be a modern day Joseph.  God will use you to bring Jesus into the world.”

I think I found my calling. I’m listening, Lord! I’m listening. 

The Bombardment: Doubt and Fear

Baltimore, Maryland - Fort McHenry

The Star Spangled Banner was written out there

Pss. 57:6 “They have prepared a net for my steps; my soul is bowed down: they have digged a pit before me, into the midst whereof they are fallen themselves. Selah.”

This week and last week I’ve been hit with a bombardment of emotions. I’d wake in the morning to tears, look out the window and all I saw was a dense fog, so deep there was no seeing a light, a blade of dead grass or even a winterized tree, just deep snow packed lawn, fields and a mist.

It all began as a flurry of uncertainty the minute I accepted chemo as a way to heal this crud. If you all have been with me throughout this ordeal you’ll know I’m dead set against chemo (no pun intended) as this being any form of healing. I see chemo as a death sentence and I can’t get past this unnerving grating feeling deep inside me.

At the beginning of this trial, the only family member I told was my niece. She was the only one I trusted to care. My hubby told his family also. I had expected care and compassion to crawl out of the woodwork but say the words ‘alternative’ to a conservative nation, you’re going to be met with a bombardment of questions and doubts and a sort of wall to be built that you’re not allowed over. All negativity I tried to avoid came creeping in, in unexpected ways! 

Here I am two years into this affliction and I’ve grown and have learned so much! My diet was never bad, I’ve been 125 -135 pounds since I was in my twenties. I didn’t keep that weight because I pigged out on all the wrong foods with no exercise. No, I pretty much cared for my health until about five years ago when living in a carnivorous world finally caught up to me. All the meat and potatoes could not be excreted quick enough with exercise, that’s for sure! But two years ago, with this diagnosis, I dove into research on natural treatments and possible cures for one of the deadliest diseases that in over one-hundred years has found no CURE! 

I found that a plant-based diet and supplementation could be the secret to healing and in two years, I’ve witnessed the success of MANY women going this route. No surgery, no chemo, no drugs, just the fruits of the earth to replenish their damaged body. I tried that route and was succeeding until last year when my world came crashing down. I realized I needed more than the food and supplements to get through this and it was the only reason I tried Oral Chemo.

What I was not expecting is finding a doctor I liked (finally) and being met with lies and fear tactics. The first doozy came in the way of telling me I should focus on the tumor/lesion on my brain. “OOPS, I must’ve been reading the wrong file, sorry.” There was no tumor, that was just a fear tactic to get me to jump into chemotherapy! Then there were the months he told me my markers were going down when in FACT they were rising! 

Assuming once again I’d jump into chemo, “Stop taking your meds, they’re not working!” 

I stopped taking my meds, I didn’t jump into chemo, then the disease started gnawing at my bones! I could FEEL it, chomping and weakening me. Doc says, “Now start taking your meds again until we get in here and get the poison in your veins to fight the battle.” 

All of the hard work I did at building up my strength in physical therapy was dwindling. I at one time was the champ of the place, meeting and exceeding my goals but just yesterday I came home and could hardly bend my knee. I climbed into bed and wrapped ice packs at different parts of my leg.

Last week I hit rock bottom. Feeling isolated and alone. Everyone seemingly has abandoned me except for my husband, son, my Physical Therapists and my loving Spiritual Online family. They are my anchors in getting me through this. Whether it’s through faith, religion, or just a positive presence, these people are the ones I’ll credit with any healing that takes place!  

I’ll be the first to admit, in all honesty, I even felt like God bailed on me. I’m just dangling on the end of this thread and it’s about to snap but luckily I’m grotesquely underweight that even a thread can hold me. Doubt and fear knocked on my door and like a fool, I let it walk right on in. 

I fear the chemo won’t work. I doubt that it is the cure all I seek. The doctor tells me of a lady who has been on Herceptin for TWENTY YEARS, and she’s still alive. And I’m supposed to find hope in that? I don’t! I will not be on this poison for one year let alone ten or twenty. That’s ridiculous! I’m concerned that the chemo, as I’ve read in all of my research, will destroy my immune system. For two years I have worked to build up my immune system! As I watch friends get sick month after month with a cold, flu, and any other illness, I’ve been the picture of health except for this one debilitating illness. I actually care about living and work my tail off to secure my strong immunity, now is chemo going to come in and destroy all I worked to build up? Am I going to lose MORE weight? How much can this tiny frail body take?

Again, feeling abandoned, I prayed. In the wee hours of the morning, for hours, I prayed. I woke to this message:

Prov. 13:12 (ESV) “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life.” 

That is exactly what happened with all the talk about chemo. It brought in negativity that I didn’t know how to deal with. I’ve shunned negativity for so long when it beats me over the head, I think it’s personal and wants to fight. I think that’s the city girl in me, always ready to battle. Chemo knocked all my hope out the door. 

So what is my desire? To live! I don’t want to live until I’m ninety, but a good seventy-five - eighty would be nice. There’s my hope, right there! 

The realization of HAVING to go the chemo route is this. My diet and exercise can only save so much of me. I live within one-hundred yards of a substation, an element that cannot be removed from this healing equation. Move? Not an option, it’s Nebraska, substations are a part of life. Money would help too, then I could move. Then there are crop dusters, dropping poison on the crops to save the crop from bugs while damaging humans in the process. Such is life, I’m surrounded by fields and fields of crop dusters. I also have dealt with black mold for the ten years here. Then there is the chronic illness I’ve had all of my life and that is psoriasis. Sure supplementation has put it to sleep over the years but I do deal with flare-ups on occasion. 

I’ve been back on my plant-based diet for about three weeks now. I will continue exercising as long as my broken body and weakened limbs allow. I'll continue to meditate and pray. I’ll waltz down the organic route, the non-chemical use of body lotions and sprays, shampoos and soaps. I’ll pursue doing my part of the healing, God will do His part in protecting me, and my family will continue doing what they do, live in a toxic world right along with me.

I will wake every day and see hope in the hopeless. I will pound through these doubts and fears. Next week will come and instead of tears, I will hold hope instead of kleenex. A smile in place of a frown. Joy instead of sorrow.  I heard yesterday someone say that the simplest form of bravery is choosing to wake and take a step. How true is that?

May God bless you all in the steps that you choose to take.

Quotes for the First Saturday of 2019

2 Cor. 1:21 "Now he which stablisheth us with you in Christ, and hath anointed us, is God;"

Quotes for a New Year Saturday

“We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year's Day.” 
~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

“Hope
Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, 
Whispering 'it will be happier'...” 
~ Alfred Lord Tennyson

“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.” 
~ Douglas Adams

“May Light always surround you;
Hope kindle and rebound you.
May your Hurts turn to Healing;
Your Heart embrace Feeling.
May Wounds become Wisdom;
Every Kindness a Prism.
May Laughter infect you;
Your Passion resurrect you.
May Goodness inspire 
your Deepest Desires.
Through all that you Reach For, 
May your arms Never Tire.” 
~ D. Simone

“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” 
~ Albert Einstein

“When one's life has been shattered into a million pieces, most set out to pick up the pieces & rebuild. Others look at those broken pieces & decide this is their opportunity to start anew, the bigger picture comes into view. They see more, & want better so they leave those pieces scattered as a memorial to who they used to be!” 
~ Sanjo Jendayi

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” 
~ Marianne Williamson

God has blessed me!

It doesn’t mean He hasn’t blessed you, it means we all see blessings differently. Just like life, some take it for granted while others cherish every thread that leads to life. I am not blind to the darkness of this world, I just choose not to dwell there in the playground and then come home to dance in the Light. I AM TRULY BLESSED! I walk in the Light so others can see me and hopefully a little spark of mine touches them and they begin to see the Light also! 

Happy New Year, my Spiritual Family, for without you, my light might have been dimmed. God bless you all! 

January 4th - Fill In the Blank

Rom. 3:23 “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

January 4th, 2019

Today arrived which meant more physical therapy: step up, step down, up/down 20 times right foot, 20 times left foot. Then the Cane Walk, 4 laps around the fitness area with my CANE, and then more exercises. I remember my doctor asking me once if I thought this ‘physical therapy’ stuff is working and with my mouth almost to the floor I said YES! I could not have gotten this far alone!

I can almost taste taking my walks again. I look out the window and visualize the event. The weather being in the upper forties for over a week now, melting snow with puddles that mimic swimming pools, and next week being a repeat with a couple of fifties in there make me wonder if this is the calm before the storm. If it's not, then I’m thinking that stupid groundhog got his months mixed up. 

My physical therapy is moving right along and the weather is being generous in that I don’t need to wear numerous layers of clothing. The new year snuck up on me and caught me preoccupied with things other than writing and finishing my story. So I begin the New Year filling in the blanks. 

This month also marked the arrival of chickens. CHICKENS, can you believe it? They might have arrived in December but again, my brain and a timeline are not in sync yet. I’ve lived out here on this closed down former Turkey Ranch for ten years now and have seen some of the strangest things!

I’ve had a fox walk past my window, I’ve had baby raccoons curl up in the corner of my steps (my son has video proof!), I’ve had what looked very much like a groundhog just mosey on up the path outside my window, I have had close encounters with the voles tearing up my lawn, I have eight pigeons that currently live in the Old Mill tanks, and a stray labrador appeared just after my father’s passing and is still here, and the list goes on and on. Did I mention my cardinal reappearing who hasn't been seen since last spring?!?!

Wild Turkey’s have wandered these cornfields for years but disappeared when the Turkey Ranch was active a few years ago, they knew slaughter when they smelled it and stayed away! They’ve returned in full force, I have about ten huge birds that visit my bird feeder as well as chickens! My son tells me I have to watch what I wish for. He remembers me for years saying I wanted chickens, then since my illness began I wanted free roaming ones. Then here they come, beautiful as ever, appearing out my window on a warm day, pecking at the birdseed meant for the birds that the squirrels have taken a liking to; I don’t mind at all. These are the highlights of my Days of Healing! 

They disappeared when we had a freeze, high wind, and snow, but hubby says he still hears the rooster crowing somewhere down the road. Now I want them back! I grow attached to my animals. I’m a nature lover at heart, animals are my friends, plants, trees, rocks, and butterflies are my meditative love. God is the internal Spirit that bestows these things upon me and I LOVE them as He’s asked me to do, what can I say.

Zech. 4:6 “Then he answered and spake unto me, saying, This is the word of the LORD unto Zerubbabel, saying, Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts.”

Zech. 4:8  “Moreover the word of the LORD came unto me, saying,” 

Rejoice and be happy, write and tell your story, rest for a season, share for a reason, and know, I am the Lord your God, with me NOTHING is impossible! I go in peace!

All praise and Glory to God!

Rom 8:6 “For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.”

The First Sunday of Advent

Isa. 2:2 "And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the LORD's house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it."

🙏The First Sunday of Advent 🙏

When I begin to reflect on the First Sunday of Advent, I often get asked, ‘Are you Catholic?’ and I say no, no I’m not. It is my time to reflect and rejoice on the relationship I have with my Lord and Savior. I tend to reflect and rejoice year round but Advent to me is a time where the world is so caught up in commercialism and materialism, Advent gives me a solid base to hold onto so I don’t get ensnared by the trap that man lay.

When I was diagnosed with a disease most people fear ever being told, they cling to that fear as it guides them through the treatment of their choice. When I was diagnosed, after a good-days-worth of tears well spent, I climbed into what some would call my ‘denial cloak’. They might be right but I was not accepting this diagnosis as a death sentence and I certainly would not put my life in the hands of people who make it a point of feeding fear and prescribing much-needed drugs as an answer to feeding that fear. Please, do not argue my stance with me, it is MINE. People think I’m crazy for believing the Bible and all it says about ‘fear’, it NOT being from God. You can’t take that word 'fear' literal now, can you? Or can you?

Mark 4:40 “And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?”

Advent to me is all that God is to me, Light, purity, sincerity, and most of all a TRUSTWORTHY RELATIONSHIP!

Isaiah. 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” 

He strengthens me in the way I should go and guides me in what I strongly believe to be the right direction, FOR ME! I say, FOR ME because we all hear, see and feel God differently as individuals. Christians (I myself included) have a tendency to justify their actions all based on a scripture they read. We justify daily living because ‘God said so’ and we are strong in what we believe whether we believe the earth is a mere 6,000 years old or 6 million years old, we ALL justify our stance because we read it in scripture.

Then it comes down to name calling and finger pointing, which to me, is judging one another. Justification. Is it justification if GOD spoke the word to you, not you read it in the Bible, but because God really placed it on your heart and you believe Him to be a trustworthy source? God does not dish out FAKE NEWS!

Did God tell you that one of your versions of the Holy Bible (KJV, NIV, or any of the numerous other versions) is the most accurately recorded?

Did God tell you not to put a Christmas tree up? Or to put one up?

Did God tell you to celebrate His sons birthday every year?

God told me that His WORD is the version I should trust the most.

God told me to love ALL trees and creation! Celebrate LIFE and BELIEVING in HIM the way YOU want! Even if it means the joy of lighting a Christmas tree!

We could justify every question above with a Bible verse that stands the tests of time and rigors of dissection. We do it because we BELIEVE! There ya go! Advent to ME is BELIEVING God wants me to celebrate His son every second of my day, not just once a year. God wants me to meditate on His word in any way that my focus is on Him (a candle, stones, rocks, a picture, or some wordless music) and not the false idols that religions, the world, politics and social media leads you to believe. Note that I said wordless music? I said that because I save the music with words as my praise to Him.

This is my life to Him, for Him, and in Him! 
I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours

I'll Stand 

As you go through this Christmas season, don’t let it bother you whether you celebrate Advent or not, don’t worry if you have a tree or not, don’t point fingers at those who believe differently than you, don’t envy your neighbor because they go all out when you can only afford to do YOUR all.

I can 100% assure that God is saying “When giving, give your all, to ME!” That is when our focus is on Him and not the world.

May the Light of the Lord rain down on you and wash over your body. May you drink Him in 
and it be a well within your soul.

God's Not Done...

Rom. 8:25 "But if we hope for that we see not, then do we with patience wait for it."

God’s Not Done

On Friday the 6th I began writing a blog post aimed at a Monday posting titled God’s Not Done… but if I had gotten it done, I would’ve posted it Saturday. Unfortunately it didn’t get done. Sunday I watched a sermon online, it was an Easter sermon. What jumped out at me were these words, “We can’t reach up to God He reaches down to us and assures us He is not done with us.”

Where had I heard those words, ‘He’s not done’? Oh that’s right, from my blog post I was writing on Friday! Coincidence? I think not! It was a direct message, a message on transformation! So here is what I had written on Friday.

God is not done…

God is not done with me yet! He’s busy transforming this broken, damaged, diseased woman into something beautiful; a cherished work of art that shines His Light in the dark places!

The statistics are in and the researchers have concluded that 90% of cancers are a result of diet, lifestyle, and environmental factors. And the single biggest factor is what you eat. Imagine that! We are what we eat! My lifestyle was eating junk and crud and look at me now in the battle of my life trying to reverse the damage.

It’s pretty sad that I’ve only begun embracing this new lifestyle after the diagnosis of an illness. I’m continuing to dig deep within my wounds, as deep as my arm will reach, to heal the core of the damage and make peace with my past. God and I are alone on this journey as there are parts so weathered and stained for the naked eye that I keep them there, never to write about. I guess you could say they are the demons in my closet.

Philippians 1:29 (NIV) “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him.”

I’m not changing just a portion of my life, I’m changing everything one hundred percent! [finishing post] I’m surrendering my all to God because I know He is looking down on me, reaching out to me, shaping me and transforming me for a better life.

Life sometimes takes hold of us to where we’re blinded by all of the chaos in the world. From the crazy weather, to the sudden deaths, to the upheaval of life as we know it. If you tell me your weather is just fine and dandy where you live, give it time, you’ll see the craziness He has planned coming to your state. God is not done with us yet.

Moving along, at first, I was bitter and angry and slowly I was losing patience. I was paranoid and frustrated and sought to be healed or let go. He didn’t let me go, He held on tighter and tighter and popped open my eyes so I could see a little more clearly.

The chaos in the world can lead to isolation. You’re running along just fine until someone tosses a roadblock up and you sit idle for far too long. Maybe you’re in a raging storm held back by gridlock. Maybe an angry blizzard came up and movement forward is at a standstill. Maybe you’re getting tired of the unethical society being the controlling factor in day-to-day living. Maybe you think you have life under control but rest assured, He’s not done with you yet.

Job 14:19 “The waters wear the stones: thou washest away the things which grow out of the dust of the earth; and thou destroyest the hope of man.”

Recently I’ve noticed a slow migration from Facebook. People are dropping off of the radar for days if not weeks at a time. Last week someone asked, why are people leaving Facebook? I mentioned that maybe they’re tired of Big Brother watching their every move. I received a very aggressive snappy reply that said, “If you’re tired of Big Brother watching you, turn off your computer!” It is that type of nastiness that is causing people to migrate away from Facebook. It’s no longer a place of fun and sharing information in a congenial manner. It’s a paranoid aggression at its finest.

I myself could care less if Big Brother is watching my every move; I’m not doing anything wrong so I don’t have anything to hide. I could care less if they control the Internet, I’ll just find a hobby that doesn’t enlist the aid of online research, like painting and coloring. No skin off of my nose but apparently something is causing this mass migration.

Something is causing this shift in weather. Something is provoking this deviation in attitudes of negative energy that people are sending out. Something is compelling people to wake up and realize God is not done with us yet and are removing themselves out of fear and uncertainty. At first, in my paranoia, I thought it was just me, feeling like I had gone and done something wrong in steering people to a healthier lifestyle. I’ve come to the realization that people are who they are, and kill what they must, they’ll continue where they will and dust what they dust.

Job 6:20 “They were confounded because they had hoped; they came thither, and were ashamed.”

As my, hopefully short, hiatus begins, I leave you, my fellow Christians with hope! There IS hope in tomorrow. There is hope in saving yourself. There is promise in transforming the old you into a new being of Christ’s. You might not see it as you gaze at the corrupt land you live; the unscrupulous badgering society is taking but there IS hope! God’s not done with you yet! Remember that with every breath. 

Death without the hope of the resurrection and eternal life brings despair!

He is RISEN! 

All Praise and Glory to God!

Acts 24:15 “And have hope toward God, which they themselves also allow, that there shall be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and unjust.”

God's Not Dead, He is surely alive, living on the inside roaring like a lion! 

Total Surrender

Romans 8:28 KJV “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

 “I may be down but don’t you DARE count me out!” ~ Joni

Total Surrender

Even I didn’t understand total surrender. Sometimes I think I have it down but God reminds me all too often that I am not much unlike Job, I lack patience.

Two days this week I’ve woken with so much pain, just trying to step into the shower was not an option. My legs and back were riddled with torment, cane in hand it took everything I had just to make it to the bathroom. I’ve cried a lot this week, in pain, anger, bitterness, and confusion. What happened? I was feeling good and moving right along and it was all taken away in a matter of days.

I didn’t allow fear and doubt to surface instead what arose was impatience. That to me is just as bad as insecurity, doubt and fear. One thing that I still have is my writing. Even when I just want to curl in a ball God reminds me that He gave me a talent and that I shouldn’t just use it for sharing my words with the world, it is a tool in my healing arsenal too. I don’t write for clicks and comments I write to release. 

My morning ritual still consists of reading my bible. I don’t care how much pain I’m in, the bible is like a comfortable pillow that softens the blow of a setback. I read my Encouragement For Today by Bible Gateway, then immerse myself in the scriptures that are used throughout the email. Only recently have I felt that is wasn’t enough so I signed up for a new email, Crosswalk.

“Job didn’t understand why he had to suffer so much. So, throughout the book of Job, we see him expressing heartache and anger at the pain and suffering God was allowing. We also see evidence of his impatience regarding how long it was taking God to bring about restoration." -Excerpt from Bible Gateway

Yesterday was another pain-filled day and my bible was my only source of relief. I read my Bible Gateway and there sat a message for me (all too often this happens), directed right at my soul! It was about total surrender and talked about Job and his impatience. It also spoke of endurance.

I thought nothing of it and went on with writing, not reading my Crosswalk email because I was caught up in reading the word and writing my post but I still wasn’t getting the message of Total Surrender, I thought I already understood but apparently God knows more than me and I was led to read Crosswalk. What I found there was a rare event! The same exact story by Tracie Miles – God Can Restore What’s Lost and Broken.

Here’s an excerpt, used without permission, but giving Tracie Miles full credit! 

“Yet through it all — and despite his human emotions — Job never doubted that full surrender and trust was necessary. In Job 1:21b he even says, “The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!” Despite his suffering, he trusted God’s will for his life and continued to praise Him. As a result, not only did Job’s faith soar, but his life did as well.” ~Tracie Miles, Bible Gateway AND Crosswalk

As a writer, I found it odd that TWO different emails would publish the same exact story on the same day! They’ve been different for weeks now, what was it about today that needed them to both be in sync? Me! Yup, that’s right! I NEEDED to understand the meaning that passed me by, evidently, of Total Surrender!

When I cried out, “What happened to me? Why am I in such pain?” He responded with Total Surrender! THAT is what I was lacking, not a vitamin or supplement, I was lacking giving it all to God and being patient in His response. I was too comfortable in my dependency on God and in all honesty I think I may have had an air of certainty, arrogance and possibly vanity.

Last night at 8:30 a knock at the door came and it was UPS. He had my neck traction device! I squealed with joy and quickly opened the package and put it to use. This morning I woke, after just thirty minutes of the device last night, I felt rejuvenated. Oh, there will be more sittings with my device, and more pain as I go along, but today after yesterday’s realization of what I was doing wrong, I woke with HOPE! Optimism that today is a new day!

With hope on my shoulder, the air of overconfidence shifted, and a new day of what Total Surrender looks like, I move forward.

May God be with you ALL!

Yesterday’s other scripture verse for me. Not coincidental!

Romans 4:18-21 (NIV) “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, "So shall your offspring be." Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead -- since he was about a hundred years old -- and that Sarah's womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”

Quotation Saturday ~ Struggle ~ HOPE

Job 14:7 “For there is hope of a tree, if it be cut down, that it will sprout again, and that the tender branch thereof will not cease.”

STRUGGLE

“Never throughout history has a man who lived a life of ease left a name worth remembering.” 
― Theodore Roosevelt

“Long is the way and hard, that out of Hell leads up to light.” 
― John Milton

“You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.” 
― Shaun Hick

“A Nation should not be judged by how it treats its highest citizens, but it's lowest ones” 
― Nelson Mandela

TASKS

“The humblest tasks get beautified if loving hands do them.” 
― Louisa May Alcott

“We were not sent into this world to do anything into which we cannot put our hearts.” 
― John Ruskin

“One of the greatest secrets of great leaders; 'they are not controlled by what they cannot do'. They’re directed by what they can.” 
― Israelmore Ayivor

“Invest in yourself, invest in today if you want to build a better tomorrow. Nothing will come from nothing. You have to be active in your own betterment, in the betterment of your life. You have to do what you can today instead of putting it off until tomorrow. Do what you can each day. Match the energy of the day to what you CAN do, rather than what you can't. Make a list of tasks that you will not neglect. What really matters to you? What really matters to you in terms of the future you want to build? Do that. Do something for your future every single day. Success is found in diligence and perseverance. Keep going, keep investing in yourself. Your life will benefit from it!” 
― Akiroq Brost

LEAD

“To lead people, walk beside them ...
As for the best leaders, the people do not notice their existence.
The next best, the people honor and praise.
The next, the people fear; and the next, the people hate ...
When the best leader's work is done the people say,
We did it ourselves!” 
― Lao Tzu

“A sign of power in a man is not only when people follow what he suggests, but also when people make a conscious effort to do the exact opposite of what he suggests.” 
― Criss Jami

“Real men don't dance to other people's tune, instead, they play for others to dance.” 
― Michael Bassey Johnson

“We took the path that led others nowhere and only we saw the light at the end of the tunnel. They warned us about the monsters we would encounter, the odds that we would meet. And they laughed when we got the scars while fighting the dragons on our way. When we came back out of the tunnel, holding the sword that they always craved for tightly in our hand. Bleeding and the sun shining on our face. We became the tales they wanted to be. We became the reflections of what they always wanted to see themselves through. We became the warriors they had always imagined of.” 
― Akshay Vasu

FOLLOW

“My heart says, ‘This way.’ The world says, ‘That way.’ God says, ‘I am the Way.’ And if perchance I choose to listen to the first two, I’m going to find myself so far off the ‘way’ that being lost becomes the ‘way’.” 
― Craig D. Lounsbrough

“If you want to change your life start by taking baby steps, one at a time, and follow your heart passionately. The very desire to change yourself for the better is a good beginning. So go ahead, start your journey- sooner the better- and with that burning desire within you every step that you take brings you that much closer to your goal. But remember there are no shortcuts in life; you have to cross every stage and mark each milestone. In your desire to reach earlier if you take shortcuts, it’s quite likely that you may wind up taking a long, grueling, laborious, tiring and more difficult path.” 
― Latika Teotia

“It doesn't matter which religion I follow as long as long as I am confident in my faith.” 
― Anthony T. Hincks

“The day she realised, it was not about the world but was all about her, she grew the wings. The day she understood she was not answerable to any of them who always blamed and pointed at her, she had the fire blazing in her eyes. She raised and soared towards the sky. The whole world looked at her in awe and wished if only they could be her. She was not confined to be on the ground anymore. She had the wings of fire and she left a trail everywhere she went, for other to follow.” 
― Akshay Vasu

HOPE

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” 
― Paulo Coelho

“It's really a wonder that I haven't dropped all my ideals, because they seem so absurd and impossible to carry out. Yet I keep them, because in spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” 
― Anne Frank

“Hope is the thing with feathers 
That perches in the soul 
And sings the tune without the words 
And never stops at all.” 
― Emily Dickinson

“There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life. 
" Live, then, and be happy, beloved children of my heart, and never forget, that until the day God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words, 'Wait and Hope.” 
― Alexandre Dumas

Pss. 16:9 “Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.”

Quotation Saturday ~ Quotes of Billy Graham

Pss. 50:5 “Gather my saints together unto me; those that have made a covenant with me by sacrifice.”

The picture above was taken on a day filled with gray skies and snow. The sun was setting and popped out long enough for me to capture this image on February 21.

On February 21, 2018  the world lost a great man on a mission to do God’s work, Billy Graham. He preached the Word of God for over 60 years! He ministered to presidents and children, the rich and the poor, the sick and the healthy.
He was born on November 7, 1918 and passed away one year shy of 100 years old. 
When I was a child, my dad, a Catholic, used to watch Billy Graham Ministries on Sundays. He admired him from afar and that made me respect my dad even more. When I became a born-again Christian, converting from Catholicism, I felt safe walking toward the Light of Christ because I knew I always had one man whose word I could turn to and trust the Word of God from, Mr. Graham. Rest in the arms of the Lord, kind sir.

On Suffering:

“Comfort and prosperity have never enriched the world as much as adversity has.”

"Mountaintops are for views and inspiration, but fruit is grown in the valleys."

“When we come to the end of ourselves, we come to the beginning of God."

“Someone asked me recently if I didn’t think God was unfair, allowing me to have Parkinson’s and other medical problems when I have tried to serve him faithfully. I replied that I did not see it that way at all. Suffering is part of the human condition, and it comes to us all. The key is how we react to it, either turning away from God in anger and bitterness or growing closer to him in trust and confidence.”

“Believers, look up – take courage. The angels are nearer than you think.”

“Quit beating yourself up. We all live under grace and do the best we can.”

On his Home - Heaven

“My home is in Heaven. I'm just traveling through this world.”

 “Heaven is full of answers for which nobody ever bothered to ask.”

“God will prepare everything for our perfect happiness in heaven, and if it takes my dog being there, I believe he'll be there.”

“The moment we take our last breath on earth, we take our first in heaven.”

“He lives in the hearts of those who trust in Him. Our confidence in life after death comes from these very truths.” 

On Jesus:

“God proved his love on the Cross. When Christ hung, and bled, and died, it was God saying to the world, ‘I love you.’”

“Christ not only died for all: he died for each.”

“We say to our children, 'Act like grown-ups,' but Jesus said to the grown-ups, 'Be like children.'

"The only hope for enduring peace is Jesus Christ."

“Without the resurrection, the cross is meaningless.”

“The cross shows us the seriousness of our sin—but it also shows us the immeasurable love of God.”

“It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge and my job to love.” 

“Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened."

On God's Purpose for Us:

“The will of God will not take us where the grace of God cannot sustain us.”

“God never takes away something from your life without replacing it with something better.”

“Take one day at a time. Today, after all, is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.”

"God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with.We are not cisterns made for hoarding; we are channels made for sharing.”

“The happiness which brings enduring worth to life is not the superficial happiness that is dependent on circumstances. It is the happiness and contentment that fills the soul even in the midst of the most distressing circumstances and the most bitter environment. It is the kind of happiness that grins when things go wrong and smiles through the tears. The happiness for which our souls' ache is one undisturbed by success or failure, one which will deeply root inside us and give us inward relaxation, peace, and contentment, no matter what the surface problems may be. That kind of happiness stands in need of no outward stimulus.” 

On Living with Eyes Fixed on Eternity:

“I've read the last page of the Bible, it's all going to turn out all right.”

“There is nothing wrong with men possessing riches. The wrong comes when riches possess men.”

“If a person gets his attitude toward money straight, it will help straighten out almost every other area in his life.”

“The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.”

“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.”

“Knowing we will be with Christ forever far outweighs our burdens today! Keep your eyes on eternity!”

“World events are moving very rapidly now. I pick up the Bible in one hand, and I pick up the newspaper in the other. And I read almost the same words in the newspaper as I read in the Bible. It’s being fulfilled every day round about us.”

On Loving God and Others:

“It is the Holy Spirit's job to convict, God's job to judge and my job to love.”

“A real Christian is the one who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.”

“Sin is the second most powerful force in the universe, for it sent Jesus to the cross. Only one force is greater—the love of God.”

“The framers of our Constitution meant we were to have freedom of religion, not freedom from religion.”

“They asked her (Ruth Graham) did she ever think about divorce and she said, ‘No, I’ve never thought of divorce in all these 35 years of marriage, but,’ she said, ‘I did think of murder a few times.’”

“Our society strives to avoid any possibility of offending anyone – except God.”

On Preaching

“We are the Bibles the world is reading; we are the creeds the world is needing; we are the sermons the world is heeding.”

“I have never known anyone to accept Christ’s redemption and later regret it.”

“Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength.”

“Being a Christian is more than just an instantaneous conversion – it is a daily process whereby you grow to be more and more like Christ.”

"The message I preach hasn't changed. Circumstances have changed. Problems have changed, but deep inside man has not changed, and the gospel hasn't changed."

The story does not end with the cross, for Easter points us beyond the tragedy of the cross to the empty tomb. It tells us that there is hope for eternal life, for Christ has conquered evil and death and hell. Yes, there is hope.”

“Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it the lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem. We have abused power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen!” 

Rev. Billy Graham

2 Cor. 13:13 "All the saints salute you."

Quotation Saturday ~ Faith

Luke 21:19 “In your patience possess ye your souls.” 

ENDURANCE

“I used many times to touch my own chest and feel, under its asthmatic quiver, the engine of the heart and lungs and blood and feel amazed at what I sensed was the enormity of the power I possessed. Not magical power, but real power. The power simply to go on, the power to endure, that is power enough, but I felt I had also the power to create, to add, to delight, to amaze and to transform.” 
― Stephen Fry

“Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it's time for them to be hurt.” 
― Haruki Murakami

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God . . . and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.” 
― Orson F. Whitney

“If you're serious about sanctification, you can expect to experience heart-wrenching moments that try your faith, your endurance, and your patience.” 
― Sheri Dew

PATIENCE

“The two hardest tests on the spiritual road are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter.” 
― Paulo Coelho

Patience is not the ability to wait. Patience is to be calm no matter what happens, constantly take action to turn it to positive growth opportunities, and have faith to believe that it will all work out in the end while you are waiting.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“I realized that the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by His letting us have our way in the end, but by His making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly to pray what He taught His disciples to pray: Thy will be done.” 
― Elisabeth Elliot

“Patience is not passive resignation, nor is it failing to act because of our fears. Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something and doing all that we can - working, hoping, and exercising faith; bearing hardship with fortitude, even when the desires of our hearts are delayed. patience is not simply enduring; it is enduring well!

Impatience, on the other hand, is a symptom of selfishness. It is a trait of the self-absorbed. It arises from the all too-prevalent condition called "center of the universe" syndrome, which leads people to believe that the world revolves around them and that all others are just supporting cast in the grand theater of mortality in which only they have the starring role.” 
― Dieter F. Uchtdorf

HOPE

“TO BE HOPEFUL in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion, sacrifice, courage, kindness.
What we choose to emphasize in this complex history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places—and there are so many—where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a world in a different direction.
And if we do act, in however small a way, we don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live, in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.” 
― Howard Zinn

“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.” 
― Gordon B. Hinckley

“Write it on your heart
that every day is the best day in the year.
He is rich who owns the day, and no one owns the day
who allows it to be invaded with fret and anxiety.

Finish every day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities, no doubt crept in.
Forget them as soon as you can, tomorrow is a new day;
begin it well and serenely, with too high a spirit
to be cumbered with your old nonsense.

This new day is too dear,
with its hopes and invitations,
to waste a moment on the yesterdays.” 
― Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith and hope.” 
― Thomas Merton

FAITH

“When you walk to the edge of all the light you have and take that first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen. There will be something solid for you to stand upon or you will be taught to fly.” 
― Patrick Overton

“We never know when our last day on earth will be. So, love with full sincerity, believe with true faith and hope with all of your might. Better to have lived in truth and discovered life, than to have lived half-heartedly and died long before you ever ceased breathing. ” 
― Cristina Marrero

“All who call on God in true faith, earnestly from the heart, will certainly be heard, and will receive what they have asked and desired.” 
― Martin Luther

“You are where you need to be. Just take a deep breath.” 
― Lana Parrilla

Rom. 5:3-4 “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope:

Faith, Strength, and Determination

Side by side, me and my God

Zeph. 3:17 “The LORD thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.”

Faith, Strength, and Determination

Again, after the diagnosis, I knew what I wanted and it wasn’t chemotherapy. The days following the Big C diagnosis I did a lot of talking to God and asking Him where it is that HE would have me go. I was listening, hearing, and leaning on his promise. I knew what I didn’t want and that was to be sliced open, radiated, and given chemotherapy for YEARS then be placed on meds until my imminent death. Or I didn’t want midway through the course of the treatments to change my mind THEN decide to go the healthy HEALING holistic route. No, I would need FAITH, strength, and determination!

I felt like this was a race of a lifetime. The race where I might struggle and fall at times and would surely need God to come and hold me up and help me finish each stretch of the journey. You see, I think people get the wrong impression of God being a punishing God, one who wants to take you out swiftly because you’re a sinner. They could not be more wrong. This is my take.

When God created the world and sin slithered into the picture God the disciplinarian stepped in to show mankind the path that we should go. We were aimed at leaning on Him and trusting that He knew what was right for us. Man didn’t want a Father to lean on; man relied falsely on himself to take care of matters. Selfishness and greed ruled and God in his eternal love for what he created gave discipline where discipline was due. Then he rested, He let man try and shape his moral dilemma and we failed miserably.

That’s where Jesus stepped into the picture. God, as man, lived on earth to feel the intensity of what sin in the world was in ‘real time’. What is so ironic is that God could feel the anger of mankind destroying all that He created, but he was never tempted to be like man. That is what set Jesus apart from the selfish greedy man. Man could not, then or now, accept the fact that there was perfection allowed to walk the earth. Man was and is still consumed with himself only allowing God into the picture when they need Him.

Prov. 3:5 “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.”

I am deeply rooted in my faith. It is no better than yours and no worse, it is different. We are all allowed to think and feel differently about our beliefs as long as we know where to lean when times of trouble arise. Man still wants to do things for himself, a kind of not wanting to ‘burden’ God with his problems sort of matter. As for me, I always lean on God for even the smallest of things, seriously!

Well, this diagnosis was nothing small but I still turned to Him first. Was I wrong? In my mind, NO, I’m different. Some people take a doctors word as solid truth with no room for error. Some go for a second and third opinion for a reason, I like to think it’s because their gut instinct is telling them something doesn’t feel right. My gut instinct is God in me, holding me up and carrying me and giving me strength and determination in places where others might fall. He shows me the way in which to go and I follow with no doubt or mistrust in the midst.

1 Pet. 1:8 “Whom having not seen, ye love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with joy unspeakable and full of glory:”

I got a first and second opinion and what it felt like was that same small child who was on the playground being bullied. I felt like my opinion didn’t matter and I was supposed to lay down my life for this disease and adhere to the almighty doctor who doesn’t know one hair on my head but thinks he knows what is best for me. Bullies belittle and shame you into submission. Out of fear, you crumble and fall, it's the human thing to do.

Luke 12:7 “But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

I went that route of the bullies as a kid. It didn’t work then and I was led down the wrong path and only when I trusted with everything in me, God my Father, that is when my life turned around. At the doctor’s office, I felt the taunting fingers, pointing at me, screaming and telling me I’m wrong and that I was nothing, I was not committing to their plan and no, they were not happy about it. Just as it was when I was a kid and turned to God, I was shunned, the doctors then released me and would not claim responsibility if anything were to go wrong. No tests, no follow through, nothing. Like bullies who didn’t get their way, they stomped off into the sunset, onto their next victim.

I was scared and alone but everything in me told me to trust in God. As in the past, I knew the path, I knew the trust and faith I needed to put in Him. No, it would not be an easy task but it was a route that I trusted in my very being, my soul was in the safe familiar territory.

By the grace of God, I was now filled with strength and determination. Out in the small crowd of family and friends, there would still be wagging fingers, taunting and unbelieving of the idiocy. How dare I go against what they themselves found to be truth and trust in the doctors. Who am I to go against the grain? What makes me any better? Nothing, she’ll fall! I allowed the doubts of the naysayers to tinker in my mind for a spell. Not for very long as you can see. Almost one year has passed and I’m still going strong, feeling great, am forty pounds lighter, and people now want what I have! 

Trust, faith, strength, and determination. They’re all yours! They’re already inside you, you just need to tap into them. It is hard since we’ve been conditioned to trust our fellow man but let me tell you this, in all honesty. You know how you have a friend that you trust with your life? You’ve told the biggest secret to and they carry it with them without sharing it? Then one day it happens, you come home and find that the secret has been spilled? Yeah, God’s not like that. He is the ONLY One you can tell the secret to and trust He won’t tell a soul. As a matter of fact, He already knows the secret before you tell Him, He would just like you to claim it, put it out there for Him to carry for you. That’s me! I share with Him my deepest darkest secrets and trust Him to carry it to my grave. He does, with Light and Love.

As I go on, He is my strength and determination. My faith is in Him and Him alone. The taunters and teasers are silenced. The naysayer is drowned out, limping along the road in doubt and fear in a sunny oasis waiting for one dribble of water. Me, I have a fountain full of faith that I’ll shower them with if only they’d be open to receive. 

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen. (My motto by the way) Strength is the leaning not on my own understanding and trusting God implicitly. The determination is knowing there is an eternal reward at the end.

Heb. 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

May the Grace of God be with you all! 

Merry Christmas Friends!

Luke 11:13 “If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?”

My Spiritual Family: Merry Christmas

Oh come all ye faithful and lend an ear

To the sounds of the season with joyous cheer

People are laughing, the children playing

The angels are dancing, singing and praying.

Look at the sky see the blazing sun

Christmas day is for the unearthly One.

The Spirit of Him resides in us all

It’s up to us to run with the ball.

It is our choice to give or receive

The source that causes all to believe

Love is the element that breeds within

The true Light aglow of all that has been.

Awaken on Christmas understanding the reason

Of all that holds hope this holiday season.

My Spiritual family a blessing from above

Rained down on me in a show of true Love.

To my family of virtual friends, you have filled me this year with the utmost support and to YOU I wish a most blessed Christmas Day. My prayers will shower over you this Christmas season as the only gift I have to give. I love you all!

God Bless you all! 

Matt. 2:11 “And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh.”

The Hustle and Bustle of the Season

James 1:17 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.”

The Hustle and Bustle of the Season

While everyone is trying to get into the spirit of Christmas, get his and her trees trimmed, the light show twinkling outside, the house was done, the home brimming with presents, the rush of the holiday season can be overwhelming. Then you see people saying ‘remember the reason for the season’ when they themselves don’t even take the time to slow down and remember why this season exists.

Did you know even atheists celebrate Christmas? They don’t know why but they’ll stand firm and say they’re just doing what everyone else is doing, or they do it for the food or that it’s just another day they can party.


The pagan holiday is celebrated around the world in many odd sorts of traditions and folklore. While each of the religions in America celebrates Christmas in different ways, the holy day (designated by man) is celebrated in a select number of ways. The only thing Christians agree on is that it is the celebrated day of Christ’s birth. It would take America to turn Christmas into a materialistic commercialized holiday.

Since America is considered ‘the melting pot’ with a diverse nation of cultures and religions, Christmas is celebrated in individual fashion from the Irish, Germans, Greeks, and Italians, to the atheist, Catholics, Jewish, etc. all celebrating Christmas in their traditional fashion. Even I find myself celebrating the holiday different than what is traditionally accepted and expected.

As a child, I was no different than anyone else waiting in anticipation at the top of the stairs for Santa to deliver lots of new toys! Even though we were very poor, we never knew it by the hustle and bustle leading up to the day of presents. Christmas day was all about the yearly family get-together as the family would visit us or we’d go house-to-house visiting family. I grew up in the city and most of my relatives lived within a one-mile radius.

By the time Christmas night came the adults in the family were unrecognizable as inebriation was the norm for Christmas day in my childhood. No church, no tradition, just booze and presents. Not that we kids minded but by today’s standards I believe my entire childhood would be unacceptable to the normal folks of the world. Normal, does anyone have a normal Christmas and honestly, what IS normal?

Maybe this is why I set off at a young age (seventeen) to be different, started my own traditions, mingled with the robotic traditions of the day and tossed a lot of what was ‘acceptable’ to the world out the window! I think I took what I saw as silly traditional pagan rituals and conformed myself to be more of what Christ would’ve been like if December 25th WAS His birthday.

In MY mind, I didn’t see Jesus as running around making sure he bought everyone the perfect gift, made sure he had a Santa on his lawn, lights and tinsel all over the place. No, I would think Jesus would keep it quite simple and use symbolism as gifts and decorations. He wasn’t so focused on himself selfishly, no he GAVE instead of received and he kept it simple, a rock, a tree branch, a candle, his heart, his soul, His LIFE.

As a people, we are steeped in tradition. We carry out our Christmas as what our parents handed down to us and we carry on those traditions for our kids and give them our spin of the traditional holiday. In other words, we took away the holy day and made it a day of tradition and celebration. Somewhere along the passing of the torch, we lost what the real meaning of the season was meant to be, to begin with.

It’s been about twenty-five years since the hustle and bustle season got under my skin. Now it is laid back with the day being celebrated as a visit to my brother-in-law's house where we all get together to eat. The family stopped the ‘gift exchange’ quite a few years ago and now it is just a day to celebrate with family. What a humble bunch of people my Lord blessed me with!

This year has taken on new shape and meaning for me. Last year at this time I was anticipating a doctor visit pretty much sure of what the diagnosis would be. My Christmas was overshadowed by pain and concern. Now almost a year after my diagnosis I’m no longer filled with pain but with Hope as my Lord has given me once again a new meaning to the Christmas season. As society becomes overwhelmed by the materialistic hustle and bustle of the holy-day season let us remember the humble, the less fortunate, the homeless and the hungry. Let the living Hope live on in the front and center of the holiday instead of being masked in the shadows. Let the Light of the Lord shine down on you this season.

God Bless Everyone

Hebrews 1:1-4 “God, who at sundry times and in divers manners spake in time past unto the fathers by the prophets, Hath in these last days spoken unto us by his Son, whom he hath appointed heir of all things, by whom also he made the worlds; Who being the brightness of his glory, and the express image of his person, and upholding all things by the word of his power, when he had by himself purged our sins, sat down on the right hand of the Majesty on high; Being made so much better than the angels, as he hath by inheritance obtained a more excellent name than they.”