I Need You To Know

Prov. 19: 20-21 (NLT) “Get all the advice and instruction you can, so you will be wise the rest of your life. You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” 

This week I was emotionally hit by someone who told me what I need to do with my body. It was a supposed dear friend who knows what I am enduring with this diagnosis of a lifetime. He went on to tell me that God wants me to take care of my body and I'm being selfish not thinking of my loved ones by not going the slice, dice, and radiate route. I told him that the chemo route could only give me five years and he said it was better than five months. He feels the route I'm taking is limiting me to five months time?

I don't know personally how this person listens to God, but I know how I do and how God listens and hears me! Throughout this slightly traumatic event that this supposed friend put me through, God has reached out through scripture, placing what I need to see and hear in front of my eyes, in my email, or just by chance. I don't believe in coincidence so I know it is God who is giving me messages and not the enemy of attack! God had my dear friends come out in full force of support for me and I know each of them to be Godly Christians, not the twice-a-year Christian. So who will I listen to? Dear friends who God sends or a supposed friend who a month ago told me to go climb back under my rock because I'm not wrapped up in this materialistic world as the rest of the people? I think you know the answer to that.

Friends, let me tell you. I did not make this decision blindly or loosely. I'm not one of those people whose child is dying and I don't take him to the hospital because God is the almighty healer and will fix it all! No, I prayed first and foremost at the beginning (and I still do, just so you know.) God sent me on this path! He heard my prayer and understood so He agreed to be here for me no matter how bumpy and craggy the road got. No matter how many people jumped out in front of me to try and instill fear in me, God would handle them and me! I have not wavered in faith one time on this journey. People have but I have not and I will not apologize for my strength.

The person hit me below the belt. I'm still weak when it comes to opposition, and this opened a door of doubt and fear I wasn't ready for. But God swooped in via scripture and supportive friends to relieve any doubt and fear and has me once again embracing this journey. The person went on to tell me that if what I'm doing is not working I need to get to a doctor immediately. For one, how does he know if what I'm doing is or is not working and second of all, who is he to tell me what to do with MY body? Boy, that really got me unnecessarily riled up! When I need peace the most, I was hit with worry and stress. Interesting, isn't that usually what the enemy uses to attack with? 

Can I paint a scenario of what would happen if I chose the conventional route at ANY time during this illness? Chemo can 'maybe' give me five-to-ten years of life. After cutting me open, radiation, and scientifically known toxic drugs. Oops, they missed some of the yuks, cut me open again exposing the C-cells to air. Oops its spread, cut me open again to remove ovaries, oops it spread again, cut me open some more, remove my lung, my lymph nodes gone, my immune system shot. No fight left in my genetics or my spirit. The next ten years would be putting myself and my family through a chopping block of pain, literally! In and out of the hospital month after month with new trauma after new trauma only to watch me wither, crumble and die in hospice hooked to machines. In the five years of chopping me up, my 105 lb. weight dwindles to 60lbs. How is THAT selfish of me? I want to spare my husband and son that pain AND suffering!

That is exactly what happened to MANY members of my immediate family. They were not distant aunts and uncles. One was my grandmother, my dads' mother. One was my dad's sister and one was my mother's aunt. On both sides of my genetics, this scenario played out year after year with family members that I also didn't even know. I CHOSE not to be a victim of slice and dice. I found too numerous to count testimonies of people who SUCCESSFULLY went a different route! Why would I NOT try this? My family before me chose THEIR route, even though there was no internet of alternative routes available to them. They actually trusted their doctor and the numerous toxic drugs they put in their body. They all died!

Friends, it is inevitable that I am going to die. So are you. Granted we would all rather die later than sooner. We would all love to spare our loved ones the pain of losing us but when in history did that become our choice in when we die? NO ONE has chosen when they die except via suicide. I'm choosing to live as long as I possibly can, maintaining my health on a daily basis and that is more than I can say for a lot of folks who could care less about their health. But I'm the selfish bad guy for wanting to LIVE? Something is seriously wrong with that mentality. 

I can't guarantee that this route will be a success. A doctor can't guarantee chemo either. There are no guarantees in life! I don't want to leave my husband and son but THAT is not my choice! I just want to hold fast to my unwavering faith and show people that God reigns supreme in this world. The world is full of choices in life, many a matter of life and death, you live or you die. I choose God over man; life over death. You make your choices, I make mine unselfishly always putting God first! I may be wrong, I may be right but I know in my soul that eternal life is awaiting me. All praise and glory to God!

Pss. 27:3  "Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident."

*note: both scriptures in today's post were sent to me

by happenstance. Thank you, Lord!