Attention Deficit

Prov. 20:27 "The spirit of man is the candle of the LORD, searching all the inward parts of the belly."

Attention Deficit

I was sitting here this morning thinking, and like a dam bursting open my thoughts steered toward the attention span of human beings. It seems these days, this era is an attention deficit era where everyone is so wrapped up in themselves they can only see off in the distance. If someone were drowning, they'd have to let them and just watch the struggle from afar because of the distance between the two.

Basically, the only relationships that stay alive are the daily face-to-face ones because eventually everyone bores of any empathetic behavior unless it's going to benefit them. An email the other morning exclaimed, America's Loneliness Epidemic; how should we respond? I wasn't surprised at what the solutions were and being a Christian email I, a Christian knew where they were going to go with their line of thinking. 

With the rise of the 'me generation' loneliness is inevitable because everyone is focused on the 'me' of the equation and not the 'them'. From the email by Michael E. Stallard, Crosswalk:  "...loneliness triggers a host of negative effects, including a decline in physical and emotional health, greater incivility and violence, and a rise in addiction and suicide."

While the email went on with solutions, solutions I thought were pretty good but just one-sided and Bible Christian based. We don't live in a society of believers so I don't think any of these suggestions would rest well with a person contemplating suicide or a person so lonely they isolate themselves from the daily rush of traffic of ignorant negative people; being alone is a safer option.

It's very easy for me to say just trust in Jesus, but to a non-believer that might not go over well. It might be easy to say build lasting relationships with people who earnestly care but honestly, they are hard to find in an emotional deficit world of the 'me' generation. While the churches are catering to the generation by making their programs more alive and active with life, there is a depressed generation that is not turning to the church for moral support.

I totally get where these folk are coming from. The church sometimes is a big letdown. It shouldn't be that way but it is a fact to the people who need more than the church can give. The church that is supposed to 'accept all' winds up shunning the very people they need to reach. I personally think the church could benefit these lost souls if they helped anonymously. All of the programs I see where I live come with a nametag of "brought to you by the--name of the church". The lost and lonely want no part of the church so they miss out on the extension of help. Why does the church need to be seen as the one giving assistance/aid/love/compassion?

I know you'll say that God is the only way and spew all the scripture pointing to "no one enters but through me" scripture, I know, I get it! But the lost souls, the suicidal, the ones who NEED help don't understand at that point. They're lost, they're lonely and all we're worried about is having them know the bible? In time maybe spring the Word on them but right off the bat? They need compassion, an ear, a friend, not someone who is only there because Jesus called them to be there to spring the Word on them. Yes, they need to hear the Word but initially, they just need to be HEARD.

Community support groups, community activities brought to you anonymously by the church could reach the people without a nametag, reach them by not boasting of 'we helped you', reach them by opening a door of communication with the very society that has let them down. Lead them in a way that they should go. There ARE ways to help but again, the attention deficit society can only focus on the prize, not the race.

There has to be a starting point. Communities need to be willing to accept the church's help anonymously, the church needs to be willing to help anonymously, we the people need to be FOR the people in every sense of the word.

Non-coincidentally I stumbled upon one of my followers' blog posts this morning: 
I was already writing my post so when I was led to this one, it made me see I'm not alone in my thinking. He was writing basically the same line of thought as I was writing. It is so mysterious the way that God collectively links the Christian minds to universal thought processes. 

I believe Christians can aid the lost and the lonely. I believe showing people love, compassion, caring and understanding can all be attributed to our Christian faith without a bible-thumping mentality of connecting to the lost. People need to be listened to, they need to feel as if they matter. Tied up in the 'me' generation are people seeking help and not finding it because as I said, everyone is so wrapped up in their own thing, giving time to another person who might be on the brink is too much of an effort and cuts into your precious time of caring for YOU.

Yes, I understand that everybody has a life and their own struggles to deal with on a regular basis but is it too hard to reach out to someone who has seemingly become distant all of a sudden? Not asking the question of 'are you okay' leaves the window of help closed as you back off because you don't think they want to talk about something. Usually taking time to think can cost someone his or her life. 

You might be wondering how I know about this; I'll tell you I know because I've been there on the suicidal end and no one reached out. I know what loneliness feels like and I know that the blanket of inner struggle one deals with when no one is around to lift even one finger or an ear of compassion. And yes, Christians let people down more than you ever know. 

Why are so many kids on drugs for attention deficit disorder? Why are kids deprived of attention? I'll tell you why but you're not going to like what I say. Parents neglect children because they NEED an outlet too and in finding their 'outlet' the child gets left behind. We're not raising kids in a two-parent household. We're tossing kids in pre-school at an earlier and earlier age and sending them off to school to allow teachers to bear the burden of raising the children of the 'me generation'. We put kids on the ADD drugs (which by the way have the same suicidal side effects that you hear about from the drugs/medication YOU take) thinking the drug will help but the kid grows, can't afford to keep up the 'meds' and more times than not, the suicidal tendencies of the drug kick in while no one is looking.

While you were worried about you, someone died that you couldn't say, 'Hi' to or 'how are you' in a meaningful banter of words. I'm tired of talking about me and my disease, I'll live or die but somewhere out in the world as I'm writing this, someone is taking their life because YOU were too busy worrying about YOU. 

I reach out through words but slowly my words are not enough, the extent of my reach is not far enough, I'm alone in trying to convey a message that people are tired of hearing. Why are they tired of hearing it? Because they are busy with other things. 

Prov. 25:27 "It is not good to eat much honey: so for men to search their own glory is not glory."

Eccl. 1:13 "And I gave my heart to seek and search out by wisdom concerning all things that are done under heaven: this sore travail hath God given to the sons of man to be exercised therewith."

Epiphany

Pss. 109:15 “Let them be before the LORD continually, that he may cut off the memory of them from the earth.”

An Epiphany

It has been an interesting ride into an epiphany or intuitive insight into the essential meaning of something. In this case, I know why I’m here in Nebraska!

As a kid growing up, my mother and I were the best of friends. We share a birthday so I was considered special from day one AND the fact that that I was the baby helped that position along.

Living in the city without a car left us shopping in the locality best known to unknowns as Light Street. No seriously, that was and still is the name of the street lined with shops and stores. As we would walk past the glass lined buildings with the picture window shops and apparel, my mother would always reminisce of what that store was many years ago; it was a quite nostalgic trip on weekends for my mother and I.

We’d often go into Epsteins, (locals pronounced it Ep-stines while non-locals called it Ep-steens). Epsteins was like an old day version (only smaller) of WalMart. They sold everything from clothes to curtains, carpets to furniture, vacuums to hardware; Epsteins was the weekend hubbub of Light Street. We’d pass jewelry stores, a fish store that sold bunnies in their front window, the more expensive clothes stores for men, shoe stores, café’s and diners.

We’d often (and I do mean often) go to George’s Lunch where they had orange padded booths and a few tables lining one side of the wall and the streaming aroma of the grilled onions and Coney Island hamburgers, steamers for buns and hot dogs along with fresh baked pies where slices sat perched in front of a mirrored shelf! Their specialty was a rice pudding with a cream on top with a dash of cinnamon that I would get every single visit!

I loved the old time look of the place with the individual spinning stools that separated the cooking being done, the waitresses and the small aisle where the booths sat always filled with hungry patrons. Often we’d have to wait for a seat because the place was the highlight of Light Street and everyone just loved the food.

In the summer months, I would always meet my mother for lunch and George’s is often where we’d dine. Sometimes we’d head to Polock Johnny’s or The White Coffee Pot but there we were off doing stuff together.

My sister and brothers resented my closeness with my mother always claiming that she gave me everything. I won’t deny it, she DID! She gave me anything and EVERYTHING I ever wanted. BUT, to clarify, I did everything FOR my mother. Whether it was cleaning, cooking, washing dishes, painting or hanging wallpaper, I was an actual participant not an observer feeling neglected like the rest of my siblings.

The way I see it, it went both ways. She didn’t give me everything because I asked for it, she gave everything to me as an appreciative act for all I did for her. There IS a difference.

As years would pass I was now dragging my (ex) husband into the mix and had him doing all sorts of handyman work for my mother and father. I lived next door to my mother in my grandfather’s rental house for thirteen years. When the rental house was sold, my parents sold THEIR house to move right around the corner from where I had moved.

They just wanted to be close to me and near to my son. I surely didn’t mind because they were basically my best friends at this point. We continued with taking mother shopping on weekends, I always cleaned her house, and she was always giving me soup, spaghetti and whatnot.

I was close to my siblings too, helping my sister out with her six kids; when she went away I would clean her house spic-n-span! My brother would invite me to his house, much to the chagrin of my sister who was now HIS neighbor.

My sister and brothers all longed for the relationship I had with my parents but none of them were willing to put any effort into the rapport. No, they just wanted my parents to show THEM attention but as always, I was the only one who received the attention they longed for.

Then I left Baltimore and all of my family behind. Quite suddenly I might add. A two-week notice and I was well on my way to happiness. My sister invited Steven and I to dinner the night before we left for Texas and she invited my brothers but no one showed up. My mother and father did!

With me gone, they could have my parents all to themselves but no, that wasn’t the case. Weeks would pass before my sister ever called my mother and often it was my father who called and told HER to call my mother sometime. The only time they showed ANY attention to my parents was when my mother would tell them over and over again how “Joni calls me every night and twice a day on weekends!” It irked them into caring!

Back to the epiphany I began with, the why I am here and not there? It was not meant for me to be there. My siblings had to step up and actually DO something for my mother and father. When my father was in the hospital I literally had to goad my one brother into going to see my dad before he died.

Had I been back there, they might have seen too much love for me and not enough attention focused on them, they needed that. My sister is now calling my mother every day, taking her out of the house, inviting her to dinner, taking her to the doctor, you name it; my sister is now sitting at a diner (not the same one that me and mother frequented) and is now being given the attention that she needed all those years; the attention that both of them needed.

My brothers are paying attention, my sister is paying attention and it sure is sad that it took my father to die for them to notice that time on this earth is not guaranteed it is precious! With me out of the way, they can now focus on what needs to be done and that is to give my mother the attention she so richly deserves!

Pss. 145:7 “They shall abundantly utter the memory of thy great goodness, and shall sing of thy righteousness.”