Burnout

Revelation 13:18 Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number is Six hundred threescore and six.
***

Well I have two posts today for a reason. The one below is post number 666 and as much as I know it is just a number, something about it screams out EWWW! to me. So today you are blessed with TWO posts by me, how lucky is THAT?

I’ll finish what I started on that ‘other’ post.

F2k was draining. I have loved and been committed to f2k for some years now, but as the format changed, the guidelines altered, the reading and reading fell upon us, the choosing and deciding, this was all too much for my brain, with reality slapping me upside the head on a weekly basis.

So I decided to take a break. We have a lot of mentors in place for just this reason. We call it burnout when we over do it, and many of the mentors don’t get it because they have lots of time on the computer to dedicate to the course, even though life is slapping them in the face with illnesses, deaths, and hardships, you would never know it. We’re troopers.

We go on and on like energizer bunnies, tossing reality to the side and voluntarily diving into the assistance of the writer. It is what we signed on for and we are a dedicated committed bunch of folks.

I’ve decided to focus on my first love, WVU. I’m going to facilitate some courses and hopefully together with a bunch of other facilitators, we can get the course registration up and maybe even keep the people IN the class for the duration of two weeks. This is much less stress than the weekly demands of the f2k.

You have to remember, this is all volunteer work and I watch each session as mentors struggle with their lives, stay strong and commit to this seven week course. That is almost 2 months. So next round, I need a break. I’m honest enough to admit it and brave enough to stop my own downfall.

The next f2k course is April 6 I believe. That is a four week break? I can not commit fully at that time, with possible Dr. visits, hopefully eye surgery for the beau, the arrival of Spring and my New Year, and life wrapping its arms around me, drinking me in like a morning dew on grass!

Foresight is good to the extent you can know your limitations and act on them. That is what I’m doing, thinking ahead. My presence will still be felt, and I’ll miss the course, but this gal needs time to BREATHE!

Crash and Burn

Luke Luke 7:13 And when the Lord saw her, he had compassion on her, and said unto her, Weep not.
***

Yeah that basically sums up the week I’ve had. In the writing world, the f2k class has come to an end and I have to admit, this was one of the busiest sessions that I’ve lived through.

When normally the classes drop to a smidgen of folks hanging on by week six, this session saw all the classes at almost full capacity for the duration. We lost a few due to circumstances: colds, flu, pneumonia and life grabbing hold of them and carrying them away from us. But for the duration, it has been post after post, reading after reading, lesson upon lesson, feedback and more feedback.

I’m drained. I have to admit, this session took it’s toll with all of the drama in my reality grabbing me by the throat and trying to pin me down. But I kept persevering. I think June would have told me, “Keep it up, Joni, You can do it!” Funny how I keep hearing June’s voice in my head. lol That is not a bad thing because she is MY mentor when it comes to getting sidetracked in writing!

This week was no different than the other seven weeks of f2k. Monday as we were driving home, Adam and I spotted a burning house. I didn’t have my phone on me and mom was wondering if it was a barn or a controlled burn. At eight thirty in the evening, I’ve never really witnessed a controlled burning taking place.

We stopped, backed up, almost into the very ditch that tried eating me alive last year, and we approached the house. Easing into the driveway, we saw that the HOME was well on it’s way to burning down. From behind us, a truck raced onto the scene into another driveway and he went around to the back of the house.

Flames lapping up the wall as if to drink every last fiber of the wood’s moisture, crackling embers were flying all around. I couldn’t sit and wait. I jumped out of the car but I couldn’t get around to where the man was, he was on the phone calling 911, I shouted out to him with small flames dancing from the second floor shooting chunks of embers, “Is there anybody in the house?” He was rubbing his forehead with pain written all over his firelit face. No answer.

Tears forming in my eyes. I assessed the house and knew this was not a safe place to be. The entire second floor was being eaten by flames! Not hearing any screams, cries, or whimpers from animals, trembling I got back in the car and we drove home. I stood on my front steps and almost a quarter of a mile away the house was burning. I waited to see flashing lights come to the scene and what seemed like an hour but was about five heartbreaking minutes, the flashing lights appeared.

The next day, to get those haunting images out of my head, I had to go back to the scene to see the devastation. A total loss. The entire upstairs of the house as well as the back wall were gone. I looked through what once was the door I was going to bang on and saw complete emptiness. Chunks of burnt wood layed strewn about, brown water marks running down the front barely standing wall, all windows shattered and the house, now a lost ghost town where once stood a families home.

Drama seems to follow me...what with my dog getting hit by a truck, the month long of nursing her back to health, the joy of seeing my family via a webcam, the hectic f2k, and the house burning down. All a day/week/month in the life of Joni.

Burnout!

It’s a little like a wipe-out only uglier. Burnout is what you get from writing too much. WHAT? Can one ever write too much?

Sometimes I write so much I wonder what I have accomplished outside of the windowed walls. Is life going on around me and I’m unaware? Are the people still moving and is the noisy traffic still congesting the highways?

Well of course it is, I’m just not out there to see or hear the action taking place. Sometimes I think I need to get a life. I’ve been told by a few that I ‘have no life’, only because they don’t see my writing the same way that I do.

I see myself sitting here utilizing my valuable time by giving critiques and feedback to others, trying to help them along on their writing journey and in a day I log over 5,000 words easily.

So what is burnout? Burnout is writing too much but not writing for yourself. You realize that 5000 words a day is spent not on your writing but aiding others and while you find this very fulfilling, you realize also that your dream is slipping like jell-o on a hot day, right through your fingers.

What can be done about this writing burnout? Write for yourself. I offer this blog as a tool to help others so they can learn the skills it takes to be a writer, then someone says, “Who is helping me become a better writer?” I can’t write across the sky my blog, but you need to dig and dig to learn, you can’t expect everyone to just make it easy for you all of your life. (A hard lesson I learned at a very young age.)

I was warned of the burnout about a year ago and I go through phases of highs and lows where writing is fun then it stinks. Like standing on top of a mountains edge and the wind plows up to smack you in the face leaving a feeling of exhilaration. Then there’s the unconscious act of jumping off the mountain without a parachute, you wonder what the purpose in all of this is for.

I think there comes a time in a writers life that he/she/you/me need to focus on numero uno. Throw caution to the wind and take that leap of leaving it all behind to venture into your own writing and soar into the fantasy world. I’m sure everyone would get along without me, heck I’m just another person standing on the ladder.

When you feel the burnout stinging you in the eyes, rub them real hard, look at WHO your writing is fulfilling and if it isn’t you, then YOU need to re-focus!

That is what I intend to do. Focus on my writing and take a breathtaking leap into the world I love most.

Educate yourself, learn the ropes, dig until your nails come out dirty, THEN you can say, I’ve done all the learning I can. Oh and by the way, it isn’t all about “Writing” books. There are tons out there and all have something different to say. If you’re a writer, a hard working, honest to goodness writer, then you need to be writing!

So that is what Joni is going to do!