Fear of Rejection

Pss, 40:3 "And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD."

Fear of Rejection

Since I was a child, I’ve always had the fear of rejection. It started when I was young being rejected by the first crush I had and every school aged crush thereafter until I finally settled at fifteen for the only guy that showed ANY interest in little old Bony Joni! 

Let me say first and foremost that God has NEVER rejected me from the day I was born until now, He has NEVER rejected me hence the reason for my lifelong dedication and commitment to Him. He has and will NEVER let me down. Not that he hasn’t told me that ‘now is the time to wait, or the time to be patient, or even not now!’ But He has always been my one and only constant in my life that never lets me down or rejects me in anyway.

With that said, I fear rejection. I give my everything to God but that does not stop rejection from happening to me over and over and as a writer fear of rejection should be the norm, it happens to the best of writers! It’s how we deal with it that matters. 

Okay with that said I have to say this too, I miss blogging! Writing my blog is sharing me with you and how I deal with things. If I don’t share, then the words all play scrabble in my brain trying to compartmentalize them and could very possibly keep me awake at night if I stop blogging completely. I’m wondering if that is what insomniacs suffer from, not getting their words OUT so they jumble all that is going on in their day to day life in a brainsoup that keeps them awake at night. 

I’ve never had trouble sleeping so I’m wondering if my writing is what has kept insomnia away from MY doorstep. Dealing with health crisis after health crisis should keep me awake at night but my faith that the Lord will carry me through any fire I walk through settles my mind quite a bit. 

Before I divulge my ‘new’ health scare, let me first say I have no health insurance, I have no money and I HAVE been rejected so many times for Medicaid, health coverage, anything, that I just walk this path day in and day out with the Lord and I’m certain that this is leading up to my next year’s blogging posts, my journey and my survival. Please, do NOT say, “I should do this, or I should do that.” I HAVE exhausted all avenues and here is where I am. My husband applied for medical coverage for me, and it takes time for it to ‘activate’. Yes, it will cost but this was what he wanted to do. January first I can make my first appointment (I think) to see just what is the matter. He’s also applied for medicare disability for me, but I KNOW I will be rejected from that too. I think he took action because 1) he’s seen all of the rejection, 2) he’s smarter than me, and 3) he might be a little scared. 

I waited until after Christmas to post this so I knew you’d all have a Happy Holiday. Not that you’d stress over my health crisis and me but I know some of you might because that is who you are, you love me! Being a woman you’ll relate, you’ll be concerned and you’ll want to see me through this with compassion, love and of course, prayer! And I’m certain I will need all of that to get me through each day.

Just what exactly am I babbling on and on about? Here goes… the ever dreaded lump! Yup, you know that lump you feel during a shower and you think , “Hmm… this is new.” You kind of forget about it and try to wish it away but it is there and it is growing and you then start to think, “Hmm… this isn’t normal at all.” That’s where I’m at. Then, what’s the next thing you do? Google of course because you know, it has all the answers and they’re usually dire and when you get checked out it was not as serious as you thought? 

Well let me tell you, my google search did not bring up anything dire and in some ways it was a comfort knowing but then again it scared me because google is always wrong! Yeah, I laugh and joke during a crisis! Smile with me people!

It doesn’t sound like the ‘C’ word that everyone is afraid of, it sounds more like the ‘c’ word that makes you go, “ewww, I got one of those and it needs draining?” In other words it sounds more like a cyst than it does cancer but it needs to be seen, touched, poked, prodded and looked at by a professional (other than google) to be sure that all is well with my already falling apart body. 

There I said it and I feel better already!

Conflict Arising

Conflict Arising~~~

In last nights writer’s chat we discussed the element of conflict in writing a story. The exercise calls for a scene of conflict. The questions and answers were quite enlightening.

The students asked, "What is conflict?"

Conflict is the struggle between right and wrong. It can be the protagonist, the lead character, fighting off the antagonist, the opposing force to be reckoned with, at every chapter. Or it can be something as simple as the main character having doubts about his/her life’s decisions.

Maybe your character wonders if having a baby at 16 was the right thing to do. Should she have gotten an abortion and made her life easier to live without having to care for a child at such a young age? This is a dramatic conflict that will play out in the sub-conscious of your reader.

This inner struggle with making a decision can be considered a conflict within a story. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a knock down drag out fist fight, or a gunfight while cars are chasing behind you. It is the conscious debate.

Another question arose as to the conflict resolving. In my opinion, you don’t want the conflict resolved right away. You want your reader to go along on the ride and as they place themselves in your character’s position, they are then feeling the same struggles as your character. Let the reader fantasize in his mind what he would do in the given situation. As he does this he is now enthralled with your character, your words, and continues to read to see this conflict resolved.

If you find resolution for your character too early, the reader has no reason to continue reading.

Now remember, a conflict is not a crisis. A crisis is a bad hair day or an overturned vehicle blocking your way to the hospital. A crisis is usually resolved in the chapter or two that you’re writing, while a conflict will be the basic element of your words throughout the story. You’re not going to TELL the reader, you are going to very descriptively SHOW them the tale. Have them live it all over again and walk away breathless.

Give us a hero that we can watch through sequel after sequel. The one book that comes to mind (no, not the Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter; although they are good examples too) but the Odd Thomas series.

Odd was set to be a hero from book one. He wants to save the world through crisis after crisis. With each book the conflict was ever present and only in the fourth book do we see signs of possible resolution. I’m sending a hint out to Dean Koontz, “Odd Thomas is not over YET!”

Just like in LOTR, we see the crisis, we know it so well, the struggle of doing what is right and not liking the way we have to go about it, but then by book three Tolkien gives us a resolution.

Can you see the difference in conflict and crisis? If you have any questions, don’t be afraid to ask. NOT asking is what will keep you in your struggle with writing.

Conflict and crisis is within, let’s get it out onto paper!