The Outbreak of Insanity

Isa. 65:17 "For, behold, I create new heavens and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind."

The Outbreak of Insanity

As I sit in the quiet of the morning reading, writing, pondering I look out the window at darkness. Soon light starts giving shape and form to objects, then the sun ascends lending warmth to all of the earth. That’s a cosmic take on how my morning begins.

On a spiritual level, I look out at the darkness and wonder who or what the depths of the night has smothered the previous day, darkened by insanity. It only takes one quick click to realize that the insanity has flooded the shores and the humans respond in anger and with that outburst of anger people die. 

It is well known that I’m weird, that I seek light before darkness and that I stay in the catacombs of my mind away from the outside forces that try to break me down. This past year has been no different where I kept all of the negativity at bay, choosing to hold onto a lightsaber in a world obsessed with a dark invader. I try to tell people about the effects of negativity on every single thing on this earth and out in the cosmic realm too, but I’m laughed at because, in reality, people don’t see light and dark, they don’t see energy as positive and negative, they see here and now and nothing more.

Here’s a science lesson for you today. Toxins are a form of negative energy. The releasing of toxins in your system all has a negative effect on every aspect of your health on a cellular level that makes up this body. This is why disease strikes. In some way, you understand this but are resistant because you believe you fill yourself with enough positive to keep any illness away from you. 

When tragedy strikes, you are saddened, you hurt, you’re angry, and you’re filled with disgust. You try to throw a speck of positivity into the mixture like adding water to oil. The oil is a tiny particle of negative energy trying to penetrate the overflowing positive soul. Your positive crumbs add very little to the realm of negative energy. 

We live in a world where insanity is overflowing. Like mold clinging to the dampened walls, a good scrub will not eradicate the fungus. Cancer is very much like a dirty fungus invading a body, a powerful scrubbing will appear to be cleaning you up but if you don’t change the toxins that created the mold; the fungus is going to continue to fester in a weakened body that no longer has the ability to fight off the growth.

My cells are damaged. I know because I have an internal system overrun with a fungus that a good radioactive cleaning doesn’t hold the power to cleanse. I remember being told by an oncologist that radiation would ‘take care’ of my psoriasis too as well as the dark invader of my cells. What he didn’t want to say was how the radiation would also kill the only good, living, combating cells that were left in my molecular structure. In other words, he wanted to add oil (radiate) to water (my spirit-filled soul). 

Your body is over 50% water, depending on the toxins or non-toxic level of input to your system. Fatty tissue contains less water than the lean meat of your body. If you’re overweight, that means you have an intense toxic system and more likely to get sick often and are basically a highway for virus’ and infections to invade. Eating the occasional salad is not going to help clean up the cells of your compromised system.

Sure you can get a quick fix, doctor’s offices hand out prescription candy like it was a trick-or-treat festival, come one come all, have some candy to poison your system. You can take the positive route or take the highway to hell, just don’t assume a salad is going to save you in a toxic world.

I woke this morning with the Son in my soul. Even though the clouds hide the sun, He is still there., every minute of every day. I could’ve gone to the negative news stream, allowed the insanity to penetrate my day and try and drown out the garden I have planted in my soul blooming for all of the world to see or for none to see.

While dark matter is its own force to reckon with the penetrating culprit of negativity cannot lead us. We must rise above the realms of darkness and allow the Light to filter out our toxic garbage.

Philip. 4:8 “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

When we take a stand and actually work for change, change will happen. If you don’t change your entire being (the toxins you put in your system, the hate you spew, the negative thoughts you allow to seep in) nothing is going to change. Here is an excellent link to guide you to change. It is well worth the read.

As I go on my weird merry way I am continually working toward change. I am only one person setting out to change the view of the world. We cannot allow insanity to leak in and damage our hard work to change. Change your mind, body, and soul and you change the outbreak of insanity across the world!

Pss. 111:5 "He hath given meat unto them that fear him: he will ever be mindful of his covenant."

Daily Slaughter

Pss. 62:1-2 Truly my soul waiteth upon God: from him cometh my salvation.
He only is my rock and my salvation; he is my defence; I shall not be greatly moved.

Daily Slaughter

I see it; it is happening all around me and far from me but it still has fingers to touch me; the persecution of Christian believers. Death and slaughter is on the banks of every shore reaching in and finding the ones who believe in God, in Christ, in anything but the distorted Islamic religion.

I won’t justify the terrorists by giving them a name, which is too good for them. I just like to refer to them as slaughtering beasts. By the reading of morning headlines, I see that the terror isn’t restricted to one part of the world. I see men and women losing their mind over here in the good old U.S of A. also.

We live in a world where sanity is laughed at, insanity is a way of life, so much so that even the sane people are left to feel somewhat insane. Slaughter takes on many shapes and forms and insanity is driven by an evil force although no one wants to call it what it is for fear of being thought insane.

I think people of today are finally waking up and seeing with their own eyes that there is something going on that cannot merely be explained as insanity. Just as light is a force of growth (sunlight causes trees and flowers to grow) darkness is a force that causes people to be driven from the light. Even the definition of darkness is ‘absence of light’.

While we stand in awe of the tangerine orb hanging in the sky, we know that it will settle off on the horizon only to give light of the cratered cantaloupe light hanging from the sky with its beads of pearls strung all through the infinite realm of darkness.

Daylight and moonlight are our sources of light in a darkened world but as humans we have not come to worship the sun and moon, we worship the Creator of such gifts. The insanity of life is formed when we are consumed with the worship of the physical and material aspects of life.

I often think of the time when the world was being formed and the angels were in discussion. Lucifer wanted control of the earth and God wanted man to be at the helm of its glory and thus the unraveling of the conscious mind began.

Gen. 1: 4 And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness.

We can be told by scientist of the Big Bang theory and possibly believe it, but honestly, could an astronomical event create the human mind, body and soul? Did the Bang have the power to separate the Light from the Dark? Yes, you say? Well how did it divide the atoms to make up the spirit residing in the human mind called a soul?

Since the beginning of time the light and dark forces have been at war. These same elements are in us. IN US! Running through our veins in a rampant force just waiting to surface. Obviously, the dark forces causing us to do evil shadowy things in the land that we were to make prosperous and not destroy causes the insanity of man.

We’re taken back to the control of the situation. When I see men/women being beheaded I think of the control freaks doing the injustice and I see the demon gloom hanging from a sword. When I see beasts killing men and women in MY land with a gun or knife, I see that person who is dying for control, losing his mind to darkness that has blurred his vision stealing the light from within him/her.

No gender or age is immune from this cloudburst. No profession is off limits to the unruly behavior that the force seeks out to destroy. The dark force is upon us, hanging over in an impulsive manner almost forcibly shaking us to do what we normally would never do in a thousand years. Our only sense of self-control is to cling to our sanity.

I feel as if I’m in the midst of a Zombie apocalypse just waiting for the guillotine to wrap around my neck. I observe the seemingly sane give into insane behavior lapping up all the darkness that is there to feed off of.

How is man to ward off the evil taking over the world? Just as he did in the beginning of time, giving up control. Man is to give up control of his material possessions, his physical world and be bathed in the Light that God so freely gives to all.

Luke 18: 22 Now when Jesus heard these things, he said unto him, Yet lackest thou one thing: sell all that thou hast, and distribute unto the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, follow me.

I think of the entire fleet of atheist wandering around groping in the dark. If just once they gave control over to the Light, I can bet God would see them and they’d see Him, whether they want it or not. But it looks to me like they’re accepting living in a dark world of pessimism giving control over to the wind that carries them to and fro.

When I think of Israel and the land where my Savior was born, I also think of the persecution that went on there. I think of the first man and woman who were led out of the Garden of Eden with the promise of life. I think of the Eternal life that we are given when we choose, quite simply, light over dark.

While the world is succumbing to the evil darkness washing over us like a summer rainfall, we become parched and depleted in a world without light. The sleeves of armor are wearing thin as we watch the takeover. Our only saving grace is not out here in the physical world, it is in the moisture of our insides drinking the fresh, ripe fruit juice of the Spirit living within us.

Pss. 63:1-4 O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is;
To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.
Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.
Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name.

A Dislike Button?

Well we know THAT won’t happen because of the state the nation is in right now. We’re divided, we’re colorized and we’re full of DISLIKE for more than we LIKE.

I was thinking of writing to Mr. Zuckerburg to offer some suggestions for a ‘possible’ dislike button. While the Like button, introduced in February 2009, is used up to 4.5 billion times each day, I’m sure I have a few friends who have used half of those millions in one week.

I personally think the LIKE button is as demeaning as Mr. Zuckerburg feels the DISLIKE button would be. Maybe the like button was for you to feel good about yourself, but not much unlike being in a schoolyard with surrounding friends, when one child is left in the corner with NO ONE liking them, it can begin to feel very isolating; intentional or unintentional.

Here’s my ideas:

Instead of a like/dislike button, why not have a like button with options? It hurts (yes truly hurts my heart) to see people announce the death of a loved one and people LIKE it? I think they’re trying to express emotion without actually using WORDS of condolences. Emoticons can only do so much. A heart symbol means love, it doesn’t mean an offering of sympathy, empathy, prayer or agreement. Simply put emoticons display emotions of love, happy, sad, angry and so on.

When I purchase an item online I’m often asked when giving a review of the product--

Do you: LIKE, NOT SO MUCH, AGREE, or DISAGREE. I think the like button on facebook should be upgraded with the changing trends of this world. Give us options.

Just like those questions on products, facebook offers a place to ‘leave a message’; many choose not to express emotions and click the LIKE button for no apparent reason other than clicking to acknowledge that they saw the post.

When a review is left for a product, again we’re given options:

Was this review helpful yes or no.

Quite simple. We’re given options!

I think Mr. Z is apprehensive for fear of it affecting advertisements, trolls, and bullies. We have options whether we want to SEE the ads, or choices of what we DON’T MIND seeing, so why can’t the LIKE button express more emotion. Facebook is an emotionally driven site. We need more than emoticons, again, they just don’t cover it all! We need choices!

If Mr. Z is afraid of the downside of a DISLIKE button, why not take the LIKE button away completely and replace it with the silly emoticons? Then when someone dies, the emoticon with tears can express what the person wants to say. If someone disagrees with a post, the angry face emoticon, smiley will replace LIKE, and a heart will signify LOVE. THEN a person can actually feel free to use WORDS to convey their joy, sadness, sympathy or love for a post in the message box.

An example: Joni received – 5 smiley faces, five angry faces, 1 million hearts. Okay I exaggerated the hearts a bit.

Here’s another suggestion for FRIENDS. Have you ever seen a person with over 300 – 800 or even a thousand friends? What is up with THAT? Do they seriously know these people or are they friend thieving? Jumping on the grab-a-friend-of-a-friend bandwagon?

I love the LISTS. We can name them and then click on what we see in our feed. I have a WRITER list and view what my writing friends are posting. My suggestion is this, what can people see on my wall? That option is FRIENDS ONLY which kind of stinks if you have a bandwagon of friends. I would LOVE to see OPTIONS of who can see this! FAMILY, friends, close friends, etc. Not too hard but apparently Mr. Z wants us sharing with total, possibly stalking strangers! Just because a friend APPEARS nice, is not always the case when he begins stalking you now is it?

We live in a techno text world, one I am not accustomed to in any way. If I go to a page and see a bunch of txt lingo I click away from it quicker than you can blink an eye. I will not be dragged into trying to interpret what people are TRYING to say. Can’t people write WORDS anymore? Can’t people express themselves like normal people? I have one or two friends who actually uses words, it’s comforting to know out of millions of people caught up in this age of technology, I can find two or even three that still use words to express their emotions.

Mr. Z, something needs to change. The site is no longer a social friendly service for teens, it is a community of adults overwhelmed by not being able to express themselves. If the emoticons do it for people, give them what they want. Me, I’ll just keep writing for myself. “Better to write for myself and have no public, than to write (and be a showcase) and have no SELF!”

Here! Here!

 

Quotation Saturday

OBSESSION

“All extremes of feeling are allied with madness.”
~ Virginia Woolf

“I think you can love a person too much. You put someone up on a pedestal, and all of a sudden, from that perspective, you notice what's wrong - a hair out of place, a run in a stocking, a broken bone. You spend all your time and energy making it right, and all the while, you are falling apart yourself. You don't even realize what you look like, how far you've deteriorated, because you only have eyes for someone else.”
~ Jodi Picoult

“I love you so much that nothing can matter to me - not even you...Only my love- not your answer. Not even your indifference”
~ Ayn Rand

“I don't possess these thoughts I have --- they possess me. I don't possess these feelings I have --- They obsess me.”
~ Ashly Lorenzana

INSANITY

“Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence– whether much that is glorious– whether all that is profound– does not spring from disease of thought– from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect.”
~ Edgar Allan Poe

“Sweet, crazy conversations full of half sentences, daydreams and misunderstandings more thrilling than understanding could ever be.”
~ Toni Morrison, Beloved

“THE EDGE, there is no honest way to explain it because the only people who really know where it is are the ones who have gone over.”
~ Hunter S. Thompson

“I'll take crazy over stupid any day.”
~ Joss Whedon

RELEASE

“Why let something build up inside of you only to hurt you more? Release the truth, release the feeling.”
~ Heather Romiti Health Wellness Coach Motivational Speaker

“If we can just let go and trust that things will work out they way they're supposed to, without trying to control the outcome, then we can begin to enjoy the moment more fully. The joy of the freedom it brings becomes more pleasurable than the experience itself.”
~ Goldie Hawn

“Secrets press inside a person. They press the way water presses at a dam. The secrets and the water, they both want to get out.”
~ Franny Billingsley

“Try to forgive by trying to understand how it would feel to be in the other’s shoes. If someone hurts you – ask them - “What hurts you so much that you would do this?” Listen to the answer and try to understand what is valid for them. They may have been fighting for your attention, but no one thinks of themselves as attackers, only defenders! So don’t judge their ways, only set them free by giving them a chance to speak. You may both learn a lot from your kindness and courage in asking for the truth. But even if nothing changes, release it, remember that you both have a right to be who you choose to be. When we make judgements we're inevitably acting on limited knowledge, so ask if you seek to understand, or simply let them be!”
~ Jay Woodman

Timeline

Luke 24:11 And their words seemed to them as idle tales, and they believed them not.
***

Well Facebook is at it again. This year was met with many changes at facebook and I heard so many griping people whine. Grown men and women, who for some reason, are so set in their ways that change rocks their world like a landslide! If you are a non-conformist like me, you won’t like change very much because it is like forcing a wet rag down your throat with no other option but to swallow!

That’s what facebook seems to do on a monthly basis. First the option of new security on who and who would not see your posts happened, new ads streamed the right of the screen like a frozen ticker-tape, people were subscribing and LIKING  things that their mothers would surely not be proud of (and it is streamed to all your friends) and the list goes on and on with the changes of 2011!

Are you a person who accepts any friend just because they request your beloved presence? Does that make you feel good standing at the center of all the likes, to where you don’t even realize you’ve accepted a stripper with lurid pictures on their wall which are then streamed to all your friends walls??? Do you even care who you ‘choose’ as a friend, just as long as the ‘friends’ list grows and you’ve won the popularity contest? Do you fear not being liked?

As we ended out the year of 2011, facebook was well on its way with yet another change in their pocketbooks! The timeline! They (the kingpins at facebook) want your facebook experience to be like a Newspaper of all your friends happenings. It’s much like the Enquirer, a mag that feeds you junk! Thank you facebook for choosing the junk of my friends that you will spoon feed me. Facebook (logical minds?) says, “is that if you’ve been away from the site for a few days, you won’t be in danger of missing the most important posts friends put up.” What? So it’s like getting an OLD newspaper, days out of print? Yippee?
 
This new Timeline was available to those who wanted to try it out before the new year, but come 2012, wet rag people, down your throat.
 
The NEW Timeline? :
1. Cover image: no more banners, just a big bold pic. (the new facebook is all about pics) Sorry blind people, you are excluded!
 
2. Friends, photos, maps, and likes. (the timeline is like a journal of all the things you’ve done on facebook, since YOU JOINED! And it is all SHARED with each and every one of your friends. How sweet! Good thing I seek all the Christian pages.
 
3. Choices in hiding the crud. (Yeah go back in time and delete the insane posts that your new facebook caused you to post)

4. Not much control on the settings, once again. (Facebook remains in the driving seat, YOU are their Truman Show!)
Who can find me? Everyone? Friends of friends? Friends? Where is the ONLY ME option, Zuckerbird? Can’t limit access either? CONTROL FREAK, ZUCK! And when someone POSTS on your wall? Whether you like it or not, you CAN NOT remove it!!! It 'appears' that you can, but try it. (possible glitch being worked on)

5. LIKE/UNLIKE button is still there as is the SHARE button. (the over-abused like button is the only thing you have in the race to popularity and having people LIKE you. It’s what facebook is all about. The SHARE button is again for personal use only to share things on YOUR wall and hope your friends come visit you to catch it. (What’s the point of sharing to yourself?) Oh wait it gets streamed (spoon fed) to others IF they’ve subscribed to your newspaper!

So the NEW Facebook isn’t all about networking, it is all about YOU, Socializing and being liked for it. It’s about sharing your pains, sorrows, laughter, and embarrassing posts. YOU are Truman on the worldwide web! To me, it’s all about stepping in poop barefoot and having everyone come and take a sniff. So you can see how much I like facebook, new or old!! I’m not whining about the ‘change’ The pics are pretty cool! But it is like the bouffant hairdo. Too big, and will wear out quick. For me, it already has, anyway.

Enjoy the new Timeline, the New Year, the likable You!! I’m out >>> ---------->>>

Truman: Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!

1Tim. 5:13 And withal they learn to be idle, wandering about from house to house; and not only idle, but tattlers also and busybodies, speaking things which they ought not.

Poetry Sunday ~ Insanity ~

Some people always sigh in thanking God. ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
***
~ Insanity ~

I will not suffer insanity
for want of naught profanity.
My life is valued higher than
all the snakes who think they can.

I will not conform to this world
let gold and greed be unfurled
I’ll not partake of mans own sickness
I’ll ride the galaxies true quickness.

I want a man who sees stars in my eyes
peers right through this beauties disguise.
He’ll be a man who meets my level
and walks in the light, not with the devil.

He’ll meet me on the astral plane
there we’ll soar and there remain.
I won’t look back for earthly treasure,
For God’s own tempo meets my measure.

Can two be one on this earth,
can He help me see my worth.
The Lord has bled all love on me,
allowing me bliss with eternity.

Leader

Follow your passion, and success will follow you. ~Terri Guillemets
***

In writing, we need to be leaders and not followers. As we go down the writing path, we are to set new trails for other new writers to sow, tread their own path. You can always tell a follower by the way s/he mimics another person. They will either copy their style, do what the leader is doing, or downright be like a mime and mimic the leaders every move.

On facebook I watch as followers repost everything that is ever posted as a repost. They copy the style of other facebookers, and do the same thing, where it all becomes a mesh of the same, insanity in a bubble filled room.

I like bubbles but ever since I got a computer bubbles have taken on a new shape and are not the soapy film residue with air stuck in it, it has become little pop up windows that are annoying and an insult to my intelligence as I’m trying to work and have coffee.

My peaceful morning is saying good morning to friends over coffee. Which is quite normal, right? Facebook is open, my rough draft is open as I try and write the day’s blog. But somewhere along the fine hairline of the morning, bubbles start popping up and I don’t mean one person coming in to say ‘good morning’ I mean people LIKING, commenting, liking other posts and the bubbles go to the top of the screen and it all looks like insanity trying to climb its way into my peaceful morning. And again, if I see one more WOOHOO and WEEEEEE, I'll just vomit. But hey you don't have to earn my respect, I have to live with your disrespect.

Facebook has been a total turnoff to me in the past few weeks, and as I try to gain my sanity back, I can’t leave the few really dear friends I have that are in other states and countries, dangling without a wave of hello from me.

I was leading the way one day and as I turned the corner the followers were following and then on another day I decided to change the lead, and guide in a whole different direction and guess what...they followed me again. :)

None of this probably makes any sense, but I’ll be darned if I allow one spittle of insanities touch to drive me mad and off the deep end. I need to regroup and rethink my path and I will not hold hands with the zany and crazies of the world at this juncture. I need calm, peace, tranquility and I will follow whoever is going to lead me there into that lightened path.

There are so few leaders of this day. Okay...I’ll continue to lead you...

Journaling

Don't try to be different. Just be good. To be good is different enough. ~ Arthur Freed
***

Keeping a journal is a good way to keep your fingers active, your brain functioning and also it is a wellspring of ideas for writers. Sometimes as I’m writing in my journal I think, now there’s a good blog post, then I start writing my 500 words for the day for my blog and maybe even get a few more ideas as the journaling continues.

Remember that journaling isn’t for the public to read. It’s your private thoughts on paper. It’s the machinations of a day-to-day mom, writer, or worker but either way, your journaling is the secret you that nobody needs to read.

Maybe some of you write in your journal so that other people CAN read your thoughts on your day to day activities, but me, as a writer my journal holds my deepest thoughts and through my deepest thoughts come ideas for a story, usually a short story.

My safe haven is my journal. It is a place I go to, connect with my inner being, sometimes I’m even caught talking to God, and I don’t come out of the ‘zone’ until I feel it is a safe place to go.

I’m not one who likes to carry bitterness around with me; always the pleasant happy-go- lucky person, (and sometimes talkative!) that when it comes time when I feel that bitterness and resentment, confusion, or torment are surfacing in me, I, like a robot, automatically head to my journal, get it all out and find myself relieved of all the tension that was trying to build in the first place.

I’ve said this numerous times, and on many occasions have I relayed this information to you, my reader, writing is an emotional healer. You may be sitting there chuckling at the idea but I’m telling you, if you have a journal, release all the pent up feelings that you are harboring, you will find yourself with a leg to stand on, you will find a part of healing that guess what, you don’t have to pay some Psych doctor for.

Not that I have anything against psych doctors. They can be a great help to the not so sane of the world in need of their services. But for me, there are things that I’d tell my journal that I would never tell another living soul. I’d rather have someone pay ME for my insane thoughts than to give a doctor my thoughts and pay him for me to give him them? There’s something wrong with that idea to me.

I’m a writer, so all my insanities will fall onto the paper like fine drips of blood from a paper cut. My words will roll down the page and color the white sheet in crimson marked with pain and torment, but in the end the white LIGHT of the page will shine through and everyone will grasp the inner me that they thought was such crazy mundane triviality. And the reader will love the tale as if it has seeped into their veins.

It’s what writer’s do. Now Write Right!!! 

***

Your life may be the only Bible some people read. ~Author Unknown

Poetry Sunday~ Negative Capability

Gen. 45: 7 And God sent me before you to preserve you a posterity in the earth, and to save your lives by a great deliverance.
***
Negative Capability
***
Into a raging sea I ride,
all my will I freely hide
take me now upon the wave.
toss me out for all I gave.

Life is crying out in pain
my mind is rolling with the rain
I hear the voices calling within
A dormant battle I never win.

Hold my hand while I cry
don’t let me be the one to die.
Free me from this angry soul
Set me high where I can stroll.

There He is, not far away
calling me into a new day.
My hand in His, our hearts are one
the battle is free, I feel I’ve won.

Lift me higher into the place
where I can see His adoring face.
I will accept the Master’s plan
trust in Him and not in man.

***

author’s note:

On December 21, 1817, the poet John Keats  wrote a letter to his brother in which he expressed and named a quality of human existence that is tricky to articulate. Keat’s formulation has been adopted by philosophers, poets, and others ever since.

Roughly, the idea is our ability to simultaneously acknowledge the unpredictable nature of events and conduct ourselves with confidence and happiness. He called this familiar yet complex concept negative capability

Thought-filled Thursday

Lam:3:11 He hath turned aside my ways, and pulled me in pieces: he hath made me desolate.
*
I will not go down...

Psalm 16:9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
*

As a writer I feel as if I am in my own little world within my head. Thoughts run like a freight train in circles until one end catches up with the other.

They circle like kids on a maypole these thoughts of mine and maybe I’ll be able to turn them into a story. The only problem is, these are not of the fictional tales these are downright gut wrenching life tales! Soul searching spiritual revelations!

I can’t remember a time in my life where things were just pleasant as a peacock. I mean, I’ve always strived for feeling good, Lord knows I’ve tried. Sometimes not always choosing the right method for feeling good, but I learned my lesson, moved on and became what I thought was a better person.

I drift through the aisles of the days like a fog laden morning. I wonder if the eggshells will break in my hand or will the mirror crack into a thousand pieces. I’m afraid to turn and look to see if what I’ve done has caused a train wreck, a disastrous train wreck that pummeled through my year and left only pieces to be cleaned up.

I hang here in the gallows of Christmas time scurrying here and there taking care of matters but what is this hanging on the boughs? It’s my sanity, dangling like a partridge in a pear tree, dangling like the clapper of a bell, back and forth, clinging, clanging to what it is that holds me here on this Earth.

I realize that nothing is as perfect as it seems and everything can use a little glue to hold destroyed bits and pieces together. Suppose it’s a lost part? I’m thinking you just either need a shiny new unblemished trinket, or enjoy the broken torn blanket that you carry and be grateful for having something warm and treasured to cling to.

You know what I’m saying? Why throw away the old, when what you have is here? Now! I’m not prefect, never will be, but then no one else is perfect either because we all have little bits of ourselves scattered around the years that could use a little bonding to pull us back together.

I’m tired of hurt, pain, disappointment. I’m living for the moment and whatever it slams into my face. If I break, I have the Lord to fill in the gaps and holes and in the end...I’ll mend.

A writer’s life is insanity.

(to be continued...)