Week Two of Advent: Prepararation

Matthew 5:13-16 (NIV)

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

The Second Week of Advent

I was raised Catholic, for at least eight years of my life anyway. From first to eighth grade the Advent season was a season of love in our school as we prepared for the birthday of our Lord and Savior. The season was more about the love of God than the love of gifts so that was our focus. In the morning before classes began, all of the children were called to the central hallway where we were tightly gathered. One child lit a candle and we all sang in unison, 'O come O come Emmanuel'. We would do this every day before classes began for the next four weeks. 

This was the season that our Christmas plays were put together and as a whole school we were in unison with one another, no grade was doing anything much different, we were all focused on the season in some way. Our classrooms and curriculum consisted of the Jesus Story, the memorizing of Luke, exchanging of Christmas cards, Christmas tree decoration, and all the adornment that we saw on the outside of school, during the next four weeks the holyday was magnified in the halls and classrooms of my Catholic school, St. Mary’s.

Every year since I converted from Roman Catholicism, Advent always held a special time of reflection, of coming closer to God through the lighting of candles, meditation, singing and rejoicing and, spreading love and listening, yes listening, to Him for the way I should go. My Lenten season is similar but that season is the season of renewal, advent is the season of reflection. Reflection of where you’ve been and where you’re going. A peace and contentment with the love of Christ. 

Last week my reflection consisted of Google Earth. Yeah, I know that’s odd but I went back home and looked at the home where I  grew up. The house on William street meant more to me than just the home I grew up in, the house right next door is where my cousins once lived and the house that I would eventually give birth to my first living son.

Sitting there looking at the house I grew up in on my screen, opened a floodgate of memories. The tall slender rowhome with its now brick facade but the same marble steps we used to scrub with comet to get them clean and white, were still there. The long narrow windows were present and I looked, with tears in my eyes as the kid in me remembered so many good Christmas’ decorating those windows. Memories of putting up the Christmas tree right in front of those windows, and the stairs, the winding stairs my sister and I would sit at the top of and secretly watch my mother place gifts under the tree. I’m certain our giggles gave us away. What good memories but oh the memories. 

I know I’ve written about my life and it not being the greatest childhood, (I know, I know, no one had a great childhood but mine was exceptionally bad) except for the Christmas season memories, they were always the best! My grade school was right around the corner from my house so as I visited my ‘old home’ I had to visit my old school, too. I think last week was for me, let’s walk down memory lane.

As I visited my old school the memories of the Christmas plays came flooding in along with the snowflakes I’d cut out or the Christmas construction-paper-cutout trees we decorated and placed around the halls, or the manger I built as a classroom assignment.

I remembered the Christmas play where I was in the back row of the stage standing on a milk crate in a line of students also balancing on a milk crate. Well wouldn’t you know, it would take little Joni to lose her balance and wipe out the entire row of kids as we all came crashing to the floor in giggles. The next year Sister Karl Ann made sure she placed me safely seated in the front row, with a small bongo in my hand as I played the Little Drummer Boy as we all sang.

It seemed I only allowed the good memories in as Memory Lane had changed over the years. I’ve worked so hard the past two years on letting the bad memories go into the Forgiven Pool where they could drown that they no longer held sway in my mind when Memory Lane opened up.

This is the week I prepared to face another Christmas, one in my new life seemingly a million miles away from my old life in Baltimore. Nowhere in my past did chickens and roosters come to my front door or turkeys would eat my birdseed. The only cluttered streets I see out here are when I drive two hours into Omaha where they have what they call ‘City Life’. It’s kind of funny, if only they knew what REAL city life was like. A rock formation in the far western reaches of the state constitutes a ‘mountain’ to them, and sand in front of a lake is what they deem ‘a beach’. To them, a city is where there are tall buildings and a nightlife. A nightlife that is kept at bay in the country living. They have bars out here but nothing like a real CITY has for sure.

Baltimore City's Inner Harbor

my playground as a child

Growing up in Baltimore City I lived right in the crook of the Chesapeake Bay, you know, that was a small portion of the Atlantic Ocean where there were numerous ‘beaches’ all a part of the shoreline of the ocean. Home of Fort McHenry where our national anthem was written by Francis Scott Key. The mountains in the tiny Maryland state escorted you right into Pennsylvania where even bigger and better mountains lined the landscape.

A canon at Fort McHenry facing the FSK bridge

Out here in the midwest often called, The Bible Belt, the land is flat, no matter what they tell you! You can see lightning in the sky over fifty miles away, sometimes a hundred miles away depending on the severity of the storm. The one thing I cherish out here in this new life? LOVE! The love of family is simply amazing out here. The love of God is monumental. The love of life is respected and Memory Lane to them is filled with cows, barns, dirt roads, steak, pulled pork (they call sloppy-joe) with taters and a huge pumpkin pie that grandma made from scratch.

cows on a farm off of a Nebraska dirt road

a barn, Anywhere, Ne.

In the wood framed houses of Nebraska and acres of farm, within each smokestack stood a child looking at a Christmas tree knowing what it meant to appreciate the joys of the Advent season and the welcome of love received when opening the door on Christmas Day. Yes, the road from there to here was filled with rubble but to me with every rock along the way, I saw within, a million mountains ready to climb and a summit to reach.

May the joy of the season walk you down memory lane and you remember all the love that God has poured out to you. His gift to you was His Son, His love for you immeasurable, His Light? Well, each one of us is His Light, it depends on how you see it. God Bless you all!

Luke 2:10-14 “And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.

And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.

And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Poetry Sunday ~ Memories

4 Ezra 4:45 “Shew me then whether there be more to come than is past, or more past than is to come.”

Memories

When tears leak from my eyes I find

a place of healing that’s no surprise,

I find I’m lost once being found is not easy

To mechanically turn life around.

The glorious light of which I cling to 

Allows me comfort waters to wade through

I’m not the one who lives daily in fear

Let me make it clear why I’m still here

The days are long often filled with pain

I’ll say it again in life I’ll remain

The one who finds God in all that I do

As I waddle through memories I once knew

The past is there for me to step around

Tiptoe through eggshells for all I’ve found

Religion and alcohol a cocktail of frights

I made it through the dark stormy nights

I didn’t have a mother who cooked and baked 

I’m lucky to have had the food that we ate.

A penguin filled schoolhouse was my only friend

That carried my memories to the rivers bend

With a concrete garden and asphalt street

My life in Baltimore was never complete

Crimson skies lined my sunset dreams

Away from home’s not as murky it seems

I’ll go and drown my empty sorrow 

For all I carry to every tomorrow

What’s done is done what’s gone is gone

I’ll live my life and carry on.

Day 2:Selfish me

Isa.13:7 Therefore shall all hands be faint, and every man's heart shall melt:
***

Well this is Adam's second day in school. He liked his English class where they will be reading To Kill a Mockingbird for this first semester. Two other kids and himself were the only ones who’ve already read the book. Out of twenty some kids, 3 have read this classic.

He liked Workshop, Physical Science, and his Spanish class where they have a virtual teacher? My how times have changed. There is no real teacher in the classroom, she is via Skype, teaching. I do have to wonder what happens when the kids spit a spitball at the screen. Well, I read that they have camera’s around the room to monitor, but is this really what our classrooms have come down to? Will we be putting teachers out of jobs soon and let the virtual things teach?

Adam didn’t like being away from home and I didn’t like him being away. We’re pals, buddies, we lean on one another like two peas in a pod. I’ll know more how he feels by Friday. You can’t judge in one day. Getting lost and not knowing things like all of the other kids, not having friends like all the other kids, and wandering around dazed and confused in a new place on the first day can be kind of scary to a ‘babe in the woods’.

I am being selfish in saying, it was me and all me who raised him. Steven and I are raising him. I give the love, tenderhearted support and Steven does the dishing out of chores and making sure things get done in an orderly manner. It’s not all about me. There are three people being affected and as Adam’s bus was appearing outside to drop him off from school, both Steven and I raced to hear the exciting news of how his day went.

This will definitely take some getting used to and as my heart bleeds each and every second I don’t see Adam, I know this is for the best. I just wish everyone would stop with the, “This will help him grow.”  “This will benefit you both.” “This is the best thing you could have done for him.” and oh so many more things to try and make me feel better.

I’m glad you all have the right answers and since you have the manual on “How to Raise a Child Exceedingly Perfect” could you keep it to yourself? It is like when someone dies you say, “He/She’s in a better place.” Do you know that for a fact? No. You’re saying it to be a comfort but sometimes, well all the time, it is no comfort to the person who just lost someone. They want that person back and words are not going to do it!

I do thank all my friends for their support. I would not have gotten through yesterday without those kind words. And after all, Adam is ALIVE and he came home! It doesn’t seem like we spent any time together yesterday. Two, three, four hours doesn’t cut it, when we normally spent at least 16 waking hours a day together.

I’m in Zombie mode. I’ll make it and I’ll write all about it...someday.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

First Day of School

Eph.1: 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:
***

I rose this morning at 4:45. “Got to get Adam up and off to school.” I said out loud and to myself. It was still dark and the blanket of stars had not yet lifted from the sky. This is Adam’s first day ever at going to school. He’s been home schooled all his life and now,  ninth grade of all years, he wanted to go to school.

My heart aches but I know this is what he wants and where the journey for the young man that I, and I ALONE have raised. His father is absent, his kinda step-dad has supported us for seven years and now, things need to change...for the better.

Adam was so excited this morning, scared like any normal kid venturing off on uncharted territory, but to insure his comfort, he took his new bible with him and I bet he gets to read it some time today.

He has eight classes to get through, some hard and challenging, some right up his alley. Workshop, and Art is his forte. He’ll love English Lit! and learning Spanish, but it is the Math and Science I am concerned with.

Being a home schooled kid, did I give him enough knowledge to carry with him on this adventure. Am I going to be shown for a failure? All these things are running through my head but upfront and most sticking out is, my best friend is off somewhere without me. He’s been by my side since the day he was born and only twice in my memory has he been away from me for any more than a few hours.

Twice! Can you imagine? Was I selfish in wanting to protect him from this crazy world? Am I wrong in loving my child? Can one love their child too much? I think you can love them too much through strangling their freedom but you give them a chance to grow in so many other areas that other kids are never allowed to grow.

I am a good mother. I have done my job and now it is Adams turn to soar with all that I taught him. He will go with God, and he will grow with God. This is what I want for him.
I’ll have to write and tell you all what a great day he had today. My little novel writer has grown up to be his own person. Now I get to watch him bloom!

Blog Blog Blog

Matt. 19:26 But Jesus beheld them, and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
***

Well it has been a week or so since I’ve really blogged. I keep up on my Quotation Saturday and Poetry Sunday though so you all have something to come here and visit me for.

You might ask, “What have you been doing? How are you?” Well, let me tell you, I’ve been doing a lot of running around, getting Adam ready for his first day of school. Literally, his first day of school. He’s been home-schooled, and he wanted this, so as any good mom, we always give them what they want.

He’s gotten all of his shots, been to the dentist, been to the eye doctor (he now wears glasses) been to register for school and in between all that I’ve been mentoring at F2K Free Writing Course. And I’m on the ball, so my blog got a little left behind.

I did receive this in the mail Wednesday during all my busy-ness. I stop and check my mail and thought I’d share with you, my readers, my fans.

During the month of July, the International Blogging Recognition Council (IBRC) had the pleasure of reviewing your blog One Voice, A writers blog.  Your blog was referred to IBRC through our Refer-A-Blog program.  "Quotation Saturday" was the topic that the Council reviewed. Based on the review, the Council has recommended that your blog receive IBRC’s designation of “Recognized Blog”.  IBRC reserves this honor to those blogs that effectively connects with the audience and promotes the sharing of ideas and experiences.


Did I get a certificate of accomplishment? Did I get a Medal of Honor? A button to place on my wall to show my excellency? No, I got recognition of my hard work by someone other than Adam and Steven. I have a lot of my friends support, but sometimes this blogging business feels all in vain. “Who’s reading, Who’s commenting, What is the purpose of all this?”

I had been questioning where to go next. Get a job when Adam starts school or continue writing and pounding the streets of the Internet and submitting until my fingers bleed? Well I think this in some way helped me with my decision. God had said to “continue with the TALENT that I gifted you with.”

That’s easy for Him to say. We need money! And my writing is not paying any dividends. BUT here’s the clincher, do immediate rewards from a paying job satisfy the very soul that you live and breathe to nourish? No, it doesn’t. People will and always have said, “But it doesn’t pay the bills.”

And my response, “Are ye of little faith?” God has provided for me for well over thirty years now, am I supposed to do what ‘people’ say, now? I don’t think so. With God all things are possible and sorry to dampen your spirits ‘people’ but I TRUST God more than I trust you and your opinion.

Let go and Let God. I live God, I don’t just believe. :) godspeed to you all.