They just need to be out here in the cosmos if for no other reason but to be here for you at a later day. I love you!
Where do I begin? With the joyous day you were born or the day I ripped you away from the only home you ever knew and the only family that you knew?
Pop and grandmom
I saw that your life would have been traumatized had I stayed and in protecting you and thinking of myself, I took us both away. I didn't know if it was going to be for the best or would it be the worse thing that ever happened. I look back now and know it was for the best.
I want to ask you for your forgiveness for thinking of myself and not thinking how a strange man would understand the child you were at seven. He tried, he really did but he could only give what he knew. Having a father abandon him when he was young left him with not much knowledge of fathering. I'm sorry about that. We both did the best we could for you and although we've had trying times, you had the best life I could give you.
Happiest day of my life
I was also pretty proud the day you got your driving license. I know it wasn't at the age of sixteen like all of the other kids out here in Nebraska, but we've already established, you're not like all of the other kids! You are unique! A one of a kind special boy, man person! I love this person, my friend, with all of my heart and soul!
If I'm not here for you, for the rest of your life, to see your wedding and to possibly see when you 'get you a kid', lol, my presence will be felt for your lifetime. Maybe not the physical mother you want and need but believe me, talk to me and I'll listen. It may be a new and different spiritual relationship but it is what it is! You stood by me through this whole wretched illness and never judged my decision to die... in peace by my choice and not some doctor who WANTS to kill me. Thank you so much for being a great friend to me! A great one! You always listened!
I am so proud of you, Adam! Don't ever forget that or ever think you could've/should've done more! You were there for me when so many others weren't, always remember that! Remember that love that you and I share! Forever! I LOVE YOU! Go and live life to the fullest! See where it takes you. You're a good man! You're worthy to be loved! You earned a special blessing!
We had good times!
Now onto my preaching part. lol One thing that will make me extremely happy is you believing in God. You know, the same God I believe in. You don't have to be one of those ever so perfect religious Christians we always talked about, I'd like you to be a Christian like *I* was. A laid-back believer. You never judged me in all my years of trying to instill God into your life. I believe I achieved what I set out to do when raising you and that is allowing you to believe, to form, to love what YOU see in the world! I love that about you!
Always contemplate the future!
Know that my life was all for you! My God purposed me to create something beautiful and magnificent and what I created is YOU! I will love you for all of eternity! Wipe those tears and move on and LIVE life to the fullest!
Love you, bud!
Your mother!
to better days
2017
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