To Adam, my bud

I'm posting this on July 23, 2018

They just need to be out here in the cosmos if for no other reason but to be here for you at a later day. I love you!

Where do I begin? With the joyous day you were born or the day I ripped you away from the only home you ever knew and the only family that you knew?

Pop and grandmom

I saw that your life would have been traumatized had I stayed and in protecting you and thinking of myself, I took us both away. I didn't know if it was going to be for the best or would it be the worse thing that ever happened. I look back now and know it was for the best.

I want to ask you for your forgiveness for thinking of myself and not thinking how a strange man would understand the child you were at seven. He tried, he really did but he could only give what he knew. Having a father abandon him when he was young left him with not much knowledge of fathering. I'm sorry about that. We both did the best we could for you and although we've had trying times, you had the best life I could give you.

Happiest day of my life

Seeing you graduate high school was a highlight of my life! I was so proud of you that day. I knew I had done the right thing in letting you grow to be your own man. Sure, I made mistakes, but with all of those mistakes, it made us both stronger for it!

I was also pretty proud the day you got your driving license. I know it wasn't at the age of sixteen like all of the other kids out here in Nebraska, but we've already established, you're not like all of the other kids! You are unique! A one of a kind special boy, man person! I love this person, my friend, with all of my heart and soul!

If I'm not here for you, for the rest of your life, to see your wedding and to possibly see when you 'get you a kid', lol, my presence will be felt for your lifetime. Maybe not the physical mother you want and need but believe me, talk to me and I'll listen. It may be a new and different spiritual relationship but it is what it is! You stood by me through this whole wretched illness and never judged my decision to die... in peace by my choice and not some doctor who WANTS to kill me. Thank you so much for being a great friend to me! A great one! You always listened!

I am so proud of you, Adam! Don't ever forget that or ever think you could've/should've done more! You were there for me when so many others weren't, always remember that! Remember that love that you and I share! Forever! I LOVE YOU! Go and live life to the fullest! See where it takes you. You're a good man! You're worthy to be loved! You earned a special blessing!

We had good times!

Now onto my preaching part. lol One thing that will make me extremely happy is you believing in God. You know, the same God I believe in. You don't have to be one of those ever so perfect religious Christians we always talked about, I'd like you to be a Christian like *I* was. A laid-back believer. You never judged me in all my years of trying to instill God into your life. I believe I achieved what I set out to do when raising you and that is allowing you to believe, to form, to love what YOU see in the world! I love that about you!

Always contemplate the future!

Know that my life was all for you! My God purposed me to create something beautiful and magnificent and what I created is YOU! I will love you for all of eternity! Wipe those tears and move on and LIVE life to the fullest!

Love you, bud!

Your mother!

to better days

2017

Holy Week ~ One Day I Will Die

Matt. 4:16 “The people which sat in darkness saw great light; and to them which sat in the region and shadow of death light is sprung up.”

~ One Day I Will Die ~

One day I will take my last breath

what will you remember of me?

My intense love of life

My emotional good spirit

or God’s Light that has set me free?

Will you hold my laughter in your hand

Will you see the joy I shared

Am I the girl you’ll always say

“Now there’s a woman who cared.”

One day I’ll whisper my last breath

What will I leave behind?

The pureness of heart

A well lit path

For you to try and find?

Will my passion for nature linger

Will my presence always bloom

Am I the one you’ll remember

Who lit an entire room?

One day I’ll breathe my last breath

The memory of me you’ll trade

Will any portion 

Of me remain

Or will my essence fade?

God light the fork before me

So I know which road to take.

Allow them to keep a part of me

That I know I dare not take. 

Matt. 22:5 “But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise:”

God Bless you all! 

Angel Always, Godspeed....

Quotation Saturday ~ Love

VALENTINE

“To love is the supreme right of the human heart.” 
― Debasish Mridha

“Love transports mortal beings to the existential plane of spiritual eternity transcending the emotional, mental, and physical limitations of an inaccurately perceived finite existence.” 
― Ken Poirot

“A soulmate will never leave you. They will always be a part of your life until one day the chance is given for them to become your life. It is then you will become one.” 
― Faye Hall

“Love is an afternoon of fishing when I'd sooner be at the ballet.
Love is eating burnt toast and lumpy graving with a big smile. 
Love is hearing the words, 'You're beautiful,' as I fail to squeeze into my fat jeans. 
Love is refusing to bring up the past, even if doing so would be a slam dunk to prove your point. 
Love is your hand wiping away my tears, trying to erase streaks of mascara. 
Love is the warm hug that extinguishes an argument. 
Love is a humbly-uttered apology, even if not at fault. 
Love is easy to recognize but so hard to define; however, I think it boils down to this... 
Love is caring so much about the feelings of someone else, you sacrifice whatever it takes to help him or her feel better. 
In other words, love is my heart being sensitive to yours.” 
― Richelle E. Goodrich

“Selfless love, is the fountain of youth...” 
― Samer Chidiac

LOVE

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever.” 
― Alfred Lord Tennyson

“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.” 
― William Shakespeare

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” 
― Robert A. Heinlein

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” 
― Bob Marley

ETERNAL

“It is a splendid thing to think that the woman you really love will never grow old to you. Through the wrinkles of time, through the mask of years, if you really love her, you will always see the face you loved and won. And a woman who really loves a man does not see that he grows old; he is not decrepit to her; he does not tremble; he is not old; she always sees the same gallant gentleman who won her hand and heart. I like to think of it in that way; I like to think that love is eternal. And to love in that way and then go down the hill of life together, and as you go down, hear, perhaps, the laughter of grandchildren, while the birds of joy and love sing once more in the leafless branches of the tree of age.” 
― Robert G. Ingersoll

“A great ring of pure & endless light
Dazzles the darkness in my heart
And breaks apart the dusky clouds of night.
The end of all is hinted in the start.

When we are born we bear the seeds of blight;
Around us life & death are torn apart,
Yet a great ring of pure and endless light
Dazzles the darkness in my heart.

It lights the world to my delight.
Infinity is present in each part.
A loving smile contains all art.
The motes of starlight spark & dart.
A grain of sand holds power & might.
Infinity is present in each part,
And a great ring of pure and endless light
Dazzles the darkness in my heart.” 
― Madeleine L'Engle, A Ring of Endless Light

“Life has no meaning, the moment you lose the illusion of being eternal.” 
― Jean-Paul Sartre

And The Beat Goes On

Rom. 7:10 “And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death.”

And The Beat Goes On

Every day gets a little bit easier and every moment of the day brings about memories and not tears. I’m being very strong for my mother so that she too can be strong. I think we’re feeding off one another to be the strength when we are weak.

My calls to my mother are back to once a day since my sister is there and calling her daily, as are her sons (all except one). Yesterday she told me that she inadvertently found the military discharge papers that she needed last week to have my dad buried at Crownsville Military cemetery where his brother is buried. It wasn’t meant to be at the time but she has up to two years to decide if that is where she wishes his ashes to be placed for his final resting place. Now with the Military discharge papers, she might give him his final wish.

It takes time to sort through a life and a death. While I’m here grieving in my own way, my mother is letting go of the physical remains in the form of papers, bills, meds, and a mountain of other things that need to be taken care of during this time.

The beat goes on for us kids, we’re trying to go about our normal routines but in the back of our minds, he’s still there, my dad, lingering in our thoughts. I cry a lot less and yes I know it will get better with time but this is all still so fresh to me, I’m allowed my time of grief. I imagine the holidays are the hardest part of the grief process, muddling through and putting on a brave face, answering questions and drinking in all of the love and compassion that people offer.

Tomorrow will mark three weeks since my dad passed and sure enough it has felt like the earth has stopped and I’m in a bubble waiting to breathe in the springtime air once again. No, instead I’m sitting here in the middle of autumn with Thanksgiving closing in around me waiting for Christmas to smother me with all its lights and hoopla.

Just yesterday my mother had my dads remains returned to her. Her and my sister had to go and pick up the ashes, purchase an urn and get the Death Certificates that she needs to tie up loose ends. In death, everything seems so tedious but I know… the beat goes on.

A friend’s husband has been suffering with COPD and another friend just lost her father this week. While I know that death is a part of life, it doesn’t make death any easier knowing. Death isn’t just taken lightly because you know God and are a Christian. Death isn’t something you just ‘get over’, no, death is something you live with day in and day out. It becomes the sunrise and sunset. It becomes the spring and the winter; it is perched in the ups and downs; it is fed daily by life itself.

I’m not saying death is consuming my life but the reality of it is that life is death and death is life. Now I can honestly say that if I didn’t have my faith I would never be able to endure such pain. My faith is my light, life and breath. I carry my faith around and I find strength to continue this life no matter what comes my way.

Every day gets easier, every day the breath of me gets stronger. Every day the beat goes on. La-dee-da-dee-dee, la-dee-da-dee-da

May God bless each and every one of you with the Light and love needed to get you through life… and death.

John 6:47-48 Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me hath everlasting life.

I am that bread of life.

Poetry Sunday ~ The Ring,The Flame, Sacrifice

The Ring

The ring it wraps around the warmth of my finger.
Endless devotion of my love does linger.
Commitment of truth in faith I am bound.
Nothing obscured; my finger lay crowned.

Deeply enmeshed it's more than a ring.
A sign of his love which makes my heart sing.
A love that surpasses everything immortal.
Entrenched is he in the depths of my portal.

Laying claim to my body, my soul, and my heart,
The ring is a symbol my love won't depart.
A reminder of trust that I'll never stray.
Promises made when he placed it that day.

The ring it marks all we hold true.
Encircles the choice of starting anew.
It's through the ring that I am reminded,
The light of his love shall never be blinded.

Love's Eternal Flame

 Trust is the flame that burns desire,

Of  loves' sweet embers of a fire.

Melting like wax it rolls downstream,

As blissful as moonlights radiant beam.

Honesty is the wick that molds it as one

Until the flame smolders it can't be undone.

Truth is an endless dripless sea,

Of all that bonds you to me.

Faith is the solid sacred pillar

Love is the eternal ignited filler.

Should the candle be left alone and broken,

Silently I'll wander no words to be spoken.

SACRIFICE

Sometimes our lives intermingle with one

Allowing us to expand ourselves.

Committing to the spatial amount of time

Remembering to allow each others wings to spread

Into the fullness of a blossom.

Forever being grateful for the journey

Into each others soul

Constantly nurturing…

Each others total hollow shell.

Copyright ©Joni Zipp All Rights Reserved

Odds in our favor

Matt. 19: 26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

***

Well, when beau received the diagnosis of 50% odds on the success of seeing again, I thought hmm...50 is better than 49, right?

Lets take a look at some supposed facts on 50% taken from statistical analysis:

*Odds of double-dip recession: Yes-25 percent. No, 50 percent ...

When yield spreads are factored in, the odds of a double-dip recession fall to 25 percent, according to a new study. When they're not included, the probability jumps up to 50 percent. --San Francisco Federal Reserve Bank

*Relationships improve your odds of survival by 50 percent ...

In the journal PLoS Medicine, BYU professors Julianne Holt-Lunstad and Timothy Smith report that social connections -- friends, family, neighbors or colleagues -- improve our odds of survival by 50 percent.

*Fifty Percent of American Marriages End in Divorce-Fiction!

Truth or fiction.com sums it up: The bottom line is that marriage is still what it's always been: a commitment between two people who choose to remain faithful to each other. And they don't need to feel doomed because of scary statistics — least of all ones that are urban myths.

authors note: Is fifty per cent a scary statistic?

*Odds Are the San Francisco Giants Will Get What They Need Without Trades

They don't need to trade starting pitcher Jonathan Sanchez (who still has a 75 percent chance of being a productive big-league winner) to get outfielder Corey Hart (who'd come with 50-50 odds that his offensive numbers would diminish in the move.

*Study gives 50-50 odds Lake Mead will dry up by 2021 -

The report unveiled Tuesday by the University of California-San Diego's Scripps Institution of Oceanography places Lake Mead's chances of running dry by 2021 at 50 percent, better than your odds of winning at any casino.
According to Scripps researchers, there is also a 50 percent chance that reservoir levels will fall low enough to shut down power generation at Hoover Dam by 2017, and a 10 percent chance the lake could be dry by 2014.

So what’s in all this percentage talk?

A percent is a ratio of a number to 100.

The probability of an outcome for a particular event is a number telling us how likely a particular outcome is to occur. This number is the ratio of the number of ways the outcome may occur to the number of total possible outcomes for the event.

With this in mind, there is a fifty percent probability that my beau will see again. Like a coin toss, you can win or lose. But are we not of the optimistic nature? I say that God is 100% of probable existence. If I said he was only fifty percent, that to me, is not very good odds of eternal life.

In my mind, with God, all things are possible and the probability of odds are nil with Him. If I think in odds, they are not in beaus favor with all the surrounding influences that go into making this surgery a success (eczema, sinus infections, allergies, asthma, meticulous searching of the perfect cornea, a well equipped doctor/surgeon). I won’t put my faith and trust in a doctor!

WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!! Now the odds are in OUR favor! :)

Psalms 16:9 Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope.
Pss. 71:14 But I will hope continually, and will yet praise thee more and more.

A Pleasant Read

I found this on a page with 0000 hits... and the author? It is worth passing along.

Here are the Directions to My Father's House

If you are headed down Sin Alley, you will soon find it is a dead-end road and that at it's end is a place called "Destruction".

To avoid this place you should: Quickly make a U-Turn and head towards Repentance Road.(You will have to make a Right Turn to reach this destination.)

Watch out for the Potholes of Pride that might deter your Signs of Independence that might lead you to go the wrong way.

Once you are on Repentance Road, keep going until you reach Believer's Blvd.Then, Keep Going Straight, until you come to Gospel Lane, make another Right turn and go through the Green Light, which is Jesus Christ.You are now on Grace Blvd which turns into Forgiveness Lane.

Next, turn onto the Bridge of Faith, which at times may be over some troubled waters,but if you Keep Going Straight you can make another Right turn onto Prayer Place Parkway and once there, you will find help anytime of the day or night

Then, another Right turn will take you to Words of Life Place which is on Scripture Street. This is a good place to find answers to any questions you may have about life for The Helper lives here and will guide you to all truth.

Remember, as you go on your way,Yield Not to the traffic on Temptation Ave and Pass up Envy Drive, Hate Blvd and Grudge Lane. Also, pass Hypocrisy Street, Gossiping Avenue, Lying Lane and Backbiting Blvd.

You will also do well to avoid Worry Road, Doubt Street, Pride Place and Pity Path; for these are all Detours that will lead you back to Sin Alley or Depression Dump.

There may be times that you have to go down Long-suffering Lane, Persecution Blvd., or Trials and Tribulations Ave. But that's all right, because VICTORY Street is straight ahead!

So, Keep Going Straight for You are on the King's Highway and Heaven-bound !

If you follow these directions you will someday reach My Father's House where a special place has been prepared just for you to dwell in for eternity!

"In My Father's House are many mansions....I go to prepare a place for you." Jesus

"We can all pretend to know God's will in our lives, but only He knows. Trust in that." ~joni