Just Some Thoughts

Pss. 16:11 “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” 

Just a long note of thoughts…

I am still out here in the throes of pain and the end of it not in sight any time soon. I again wish I could just blink it all away but again, my time is not His time and that is what holds my keys to my sanity these days. My riding lawn mower will allow me to see the property and actually feel like I’m accomplishing something in each day, something besides the tedious mundane chore of cooking a meal or washing clothes. 

I haven’t been to WalMart in quite a few weeks and have allowed hubby to do all the shopping. The things I put this man through, I could just sit for hours and cry but I won’t because I know his love for me is deep and he does everything for me with endearing love. And we both know I’m on the slow road to healing, it’s just taking its good ol' time.

I finally got the chance to use my new mower last week since we had to return Murray the mower because his breaking down twice in one week was a sign that he was the little mower that couldn’t. He was made very cheap even though the sticker said MADE IN AMERICA, showed the little guy wasn’t up to par. Makes one wonder. The sun finally came out after the many damp and darkened days.

We returned Murray with no problem and my hubby just paid the extra money for a better mower at a different place. To someone else a hundred dollars or so is nothing; to me, it’s a million. What the heck, if you’re going into debt for a little, why not go into debt for a lot? I think he felt secure going into debt for this mower knowing my supplements are all up to date for at least another two months, so far. I have an amazing donor that helps keep my supply full allowing my hubby a little leeway in purchasing a riding mower (or organic foods) for me so he can see me happy this summer in some small way; to me, it is a big way!  

I did get out of the house last Tuesday by taking my hubby to the movies to see the new Avengers flick. I had money left from my birthday (shows how often I get out, right?) and he was willing to pay for it but I demanded it to be a DATE, a gift from me for our anniversary, for all he’s done for me! He knows I don’t care for Marvel movies so this was a true extension of what I’d do to show him how much I love and appreciated all that he’s done for me. 

It wasn’t a horrible movie but the incline going into the movie tripped me up (no I didn’t have my cane) and a muscle in my left leg screamed in pain, but I endured, for love. All in all it was a good day!

When Wednesday came and the sunshine was blazing I finally got the chance to ride my new mower Cubby! I finished my entire lawn in one hour compared to the four hours of back-breaking work with the push mower in previous years.

I haven’t been feeling too confident lately but getting out and mowing made me feel like a champ! I was recently berated by the BC group of women for reiterating something I said in one post. A lady lashed out with insults saying, “SOME PEOPLE, [me] always need to have the last word.” And went on saying something about my ego. I was insulted and left in peace with my head hung low and my tail between my legs but it was too late, the mud had been slung, was drying and hardening.

It’s weird, the only people in the group are women fighting breast cancer NATURALLY and we ALL know how sensitive each one is, but these ladies think their horse is higher and better than the lower mule riders like myself. Even the administrator was disagreeing with my link because it didn’t align with her links. Her protocol is right and everyone else’s protocol is wrong. She claimed I was misleading the women because HER links provided FACTS mine were different, even though I got the link from the very source she was touting, The Truth About Cancer. [Scratching my head] I was only trying to help and instead got insulted and hurt. All is okay though because by the end of the week another lady joined the group, Beth Misner, who healed her and her husband’s cancer within a year. It turns out I was right about the link I had posted, glutamine MIGHT NOT be good for this disease. Thank you, Jesus, for clarification!

I’m going to sit in my cubby hole awhile and think about my next step in the plan of winning on the road of this disease. Ironic that I named my [Cub Cadet] mower Cubby the very week I’m relinquished to a cubbyhole of sorts. Now that the rain showers came and darkened the finish to the week, and did so in a three-day spree of fifty-degree temps with lightning and thunder!

Then there’s my mother who very much still yearns for my dad who passed away in October of 2015. Her loneliness is understandable since she was married to him for sixty years. She isolated herself for those years to only living for him since she was a child of seventeen and now she is alone without her helpmeet. On Sunday, Mother’s Day, her parting words to me were, “Live every day like it was your last because you might not be here next year.” She has no idea I have cancer. In the midst of her heartache, her words were aimed at me but meant for her. I understand; I have to, right?

I’m feeling better going into this week and maybe I can write some more this week as the showers let up and the summer like temps resurface. No Spring this year, just summer! This was a longer note of thoughts than I expected but you get my meaning, life goes on in these parts and every day is a trial, and every waking day is a success. 

May the God of peace wash over you all! 

Godspeed!

Philippians 1:6 (NIV) “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”