Just Some Thoughts

Pss. 16:11 “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” 

Just a long note of thoughts…

I am still out here in the throes of pain and the end of it not in sight any time soon. I again wish I could just blink it all away but again, my time is not His time and that is what holds my keys to my sanity these days. My riding lawn mower will allow me to see the property and actually feel like I’m accomplishing something in each day, something besides the tedious mundane chore of cooking a meal or washing clothes. 

I haven’t been to WalMart in quite a few weeks and have allowed hubby to do all the shopping. The things I put this man through, I could just sit for hours and cry but I won’t because I know his love for me is deep and he does everything for me with endearing love. And we both know I’m on the slow road to healing, it’s just taking its good ol' time.

I finally got the chance to use my new mower last week since we had to return Murray the mower because his breaking down twice in one week was a sign that he was the little mower that couldn’t. He was made very cheap even though the sticker said MADE IN AMERICA, showed the little guy wasn’t up to par. Makes one wonder. The sun finally came out after the many damp and darkened days.

We returned Murray with no problem and my hubby just paid the extra money for a better mower at a different place. To someone else a hundred dollars or so is nothing; to me, it’s a million. What the heck, if you’re going into debt for a little, why not go into debt for a lot? I think he felt secure going into debt for this mower knowing my supplements are all up to date for at least another two months, so far. I have an amazing donor that helps keep my supply full allowing my hubby a little leeway in purchasing a riding mower (or organic foods) for me so he can see me happy this summer in some small way; to me, it is a big way!  

I did get out of the house last Tuesday by taking my hubby to the movies to see the new Avengers flick. I had money left from my birthday (shows how often I get out, right?) and he was willing to pay for it but I demanded it to be a DATE, a gift from me for our anniversary, for all he’s done for me! He knows I don’t care for Marvel movies so this was a true extension of what I’d do to show him how much I love and appreciated all that he’s done for me. 

It wasn’t a horrible movie but the incline going into the movie tripped me up (no I didn’t have my cane) and a muscle in my left leg screamed in pain, but I endured, for love. All in all it was a good day!

When Wednesday came and the sunshine was blazing I finally got the chance to ride my new mower Cubby! I finished my entire lawn in one hour compared to the four hours of back-breaking work with the push mower in previous years.

I haven’t been feeling too confident lately but getting out and mowing made me feel like a champ! I was recently berated by the BC group of women for reiterating something I said in one post. A lady lashed out with insults saying, “SOME PEOPLE, [me] always need to have the last word.” And went on saying something about my ego. I was insulted and left in peace with my head hung low and my tail between my legs but it was too late, the mud had been slung, was drying and hardening.

It’s weird, the only people in the group are women fighting breast cancer NATURALLY and we ALL know how sensitive each one is, but these ladies think their horse is higher and better than the lower mule riders like myself. Even the administrator was disagreeing with my link because it didn’t align with her links. Her protocol is right and everyone else’s protocol is wrong. She claimed I was misleading the women because HER links provided FACTS mine were different, even though I got the link from the very source she was touting, The Truth About Cancer. [Scratching my head] I was only trying to help and instead got insulted and hurt. All is okay though because by the end of the week another lady joined the group, Beth Misner, who healed her and her husband’s cancer within a year. It turns out I was right about the link I had posted, glutamine MIGHT NOT be good for this disease. Thank you, Jesus, for clarification!

I’m going to sit in my cubby hole awhile and think about my next step in the plan of winning on the road of this disease. Ironic that I named my [Cub Cadet] mower Cubby the very week I’m relinquished to a cubbyhole of sorts. Now that the rain showers came and darkened the finish to the week, and did so in a three-day spree of fifty-degree temps with lightning and thunder!

Then there’s my mother who very much still yearns for my dad who passed away in October of 2015. Her loneliness is understandable since she was married to him for sixty years. She isolated herself for those years to only living for him since she was a child of seventeen and now she is alone without her helpmeet. On Sunday, Mother’s Day, her parting words to me were, “Live every day like it was your last because you might not be here next year.” She has no idea I have cancer. In the midst of her heartache, her words were aimed at me but meant for her. I understand; I have to, right?

I’m feeling better going into this week and maybe I can write some more this week as the showers let up and the summer like temps resurface. No Spring this year, just summer! This was a longer note of thoughts than I expected but you get my meaning, life goes on in these parts and every day is a trial, and every waking day is a success. 

May the God of peace wash over you all! 

Godspeed!

Philippians 1:6 (NIV) “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” 

Addicted to Love

Total Solar Eclipse 9-21-17

Pss. 72:13 “He shall spare the poor and needy, and shall save the souls of the needy.”

Addicted to Love

Do you know of an addict? Whether to drugs, coffee, alcohol, food, pain, or the internet? There are many different addictions in this society all of which we either ignore, embrace, dive into and believe we are exempt, we just call them habits.

I’m a habitual addict. I’ve been addicted to alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, you name it but the one that has lasted the longest is my addiction to God. Yup, you read it right, I’m addicted to God. I know the signs, I’ve lived with addictions all of my life and God is one addiction I don’t want to be released from. God is Love so in essence, I’m addicted to Love.

Can a person be addicted to God? I know some of you are probably rolling your eyes right now and saying I’ve gone too far but seriously, Jesus was my first crush, my first love! If any of you have had a first love while you may have loved many other people in your life, none other is remembered as the first love. Like a marker of how far you’ve come in life or how much you’ve loved and how much you’ve been loved.

As you know, since I’ve told you my story over and over, I paint a bleak picture of my life as a child, I color my family (bloodline) in a dark light because I know no other shade to paint them. A perfect example is that I tell members of my family that I have a disease that many have accepted as a killer disease and a disease that has taken a good portion of family members over my life, but no one has shown signs of caring for me. Except for my niece, a cousin who offered money, compassion and prayer and maybe my sister care but that’s it. I come from a big family and they are so consumed with their money and living their own high life or low life that the peon Joni warrants no thought.

Now I know some of you will say that maybe they don’t know what to say in this circumstance or that they don’t know how to approach me but please don’t try to make me feel better here, these people care only about themselves and are addicted to their own lives. Eleven months is a long enough time to show some sort of heartwarming response. They are the very reason I had all of those other negative addictions in the first place, I looked for love and found it nowhere except in drugs and alcohol. I raised up an addictive personality, so when I accepted Christ into my life, I craved, yearned, sought the completeness that no other addiction gave me.

I gave up the negative addictions and quietly replaced them with the non-life threatening ones like God, writing, books, the Internet, and food. Yes, you can be addicted to food, look at society, the ones not addicted to the harmful substances are more than likely consumed with a non-lethal substance consuming their life. As we all know, too much of even a good thing can be bad for us but note, for ME, I’ve never found anything bad with drinking the richness of God except that I may have lost a few friends along the way.

I overindulge myself in the Word to the extent I may come off as self-righteous when really all I am is a human being in love with the Lord. It’s hard sometimes viewing the world and seeing friends as equals when all I see is a blinding Light shining in my eyes. Squinting and peering through the slivers in my eyes doesn’t allow me to see much of anything and in the New Year, I aim to work on looking around and making a note to find anything out there that makes living worth it all.

Now don’t get me wrong, my memory hasn’t allowed me to memorize scripture verse by verse. The drugs and alcohol addictions damaged brain cells so much so that I have a hard time retaining input. I remember the essential parts of God and that is good enough for Him and I. In the beginning of my faith journey, I dissected the love of my life with a fine-toothed comb, from the beginning to what I perceive as the end times, but honestly, I don’t do the dissecting anymore as it takes my eyes off of my final destination.

Our addictions shape us, literally! Food shapes us, our consumptions mold us, and often times we can’t see past the roadblocks that we’ve placed neatly around to ‘protect’ us from the outside world. It is during the Christmas season that people get a small glimpse of the outside world and what is really going on around their protective layer of their space. Compassion crawls in the door, lights shine in the dark, joy warms the heart, hope inebriates the soul. Have you ever thought as to why this happens around Christmas? It’s because for one brief moment in time people can actually get a glimpse of Christ in action throughout the season. The world opens their eyes and beholds… the Love of my life!

Jer. 31:3 “The LORD hath appeared of old unto me, saying, Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with lovingkindness have I drawn thee.”

Quotation Saturday ~ Life Lessons

Pss. 24:4 “He that hath clean hands, and a pure heart; who hath not lifted up his soul unto vanity, nor sworn deceitfully.”

Life Lessons

“And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.” 
― Haruki Murakami

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because, without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently.” 
― Maya Angelou

“We are addicted to our thoughts. We cannot change anything if we cannot change our thinking.” 
― Santosh Kalwar

“Attitude is a choice. Happiness is a choice. Optimism is a choice. Kindness is a choice. Giving is a choice. Respect is a choice. Whatever choice you make makes you. Choose wisely.” 
― Roy T. Bennett

“There will be a few times in your life when all your instincts will tell you to do something, something that defies logic, upsets your plans, and may seem crazy to others. When that happens, you do it. Listen to your instincts and ignore everything else. Ignore logic, ignore the odds, ignore the complications, and just go for it.” 
― Judith McNaught

“Pain is a pesky part of being human, I've learned it feels like a stab wound to the heart, something I wish we could all do without, in our lives here. Pain is a sudden hurt that can't be escaped. But then I have also learned that because of pain, I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing. Pain feels like a fast stab wound to the heart. But then healing feels like the wind against your face when you are spreading your wings and flying through the air! We may not have wings growing out of our backs, but healing is the closest thing that will give us that wind against our faces.” 
― C. JoyBell C.

“There were people who went to sleep last night, 
poor and rich and white and black, 
but they will never wake again. 

And those dead folks would give anything at all 
for just five minutes of this weather 
or ten minutes of plowing. 

So you watch yourself about complaining. 

What you're supposed to do 
when you don't like a thing is change it. 
If you can't change it, 
change the way you think about it.” 
― Maya Angelou

“Certain things in life simply have to be experienced -and never explained. Love is such a thing.” 
― Paulo Coelho

“I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone.”
― Robin Williams

“You take people, you put them on a journey, you give them peril, you find out who they really are.” 
― Joss Whedon

“I'm not a body with a soul, I'm a soul that has a visible part called the body.” 
― Paulo Coelho

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” 
― Albert Einstein

Endurance

The wheel... has endured the test of time

2 Cor. 4:16 "For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day."

Endurance

This post was going to be titled I’m Done, had it been written and posted yesterday. Instead, I chose to close down, go inside my head and feel the angst that I was being asked to endure. 

I had an extremely stressed filled month with my son seeking a job, the death in the family from chemo no less (I’m from the school cancer doesn’t kill, chemo does), and then there was hubby and his needed eye doctor appointment and a dental visit. Then there was me tossed in the middle with my illness and need to pick a new doctor. 

All of this came flurrying around my face like confetti from the sky. I blew it away as a wayward strand of hair falling in my face, but the stress had mounted and I could feel the shift, the pain, the hurt. I was trying so hard but it all came crashing around me and I was about ready to give up. I’m done, I said, I’m just done!

My thoughts and feelings were getting hard to catalog. I could not compartmentalize them, I had to face each one head on, I had to endure. I woke this morning with a swift slap in the face with a God moment. My Encouragement For The Day came via my Bible Gateway message. 

This is what greeted me today, first thing in the quiet of the morning:

“Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5 (ESV)

Wow, this is one not to be scanned over real quick; I was forced to read it after that intro. I went through word after word, the writer was a twenty-five-year breast cancer survivor and now after all of these years she’s faced with her daughter having to go through the same exact illness. She couldn’t protect her daughter from this event, they would just have to endure it, together. I’ll hit the high points of the email: Suffering produces endurance, Endurance produces character, character produces hope. 

There it is in a nutshell HOPE! I woke to hope! Yesterday I was done, I was giving up, I was just ready to shove a slice of pizza in my face, stop all supplements, have everyone laugh at me and say I told ya so, and I was making plans in my head to go home, to my Heavenly Home, that is. And I woke to this message of hope. What am I supposed to do with that? Endure and have continued hope is what!

2 Cor. 4:17-18 (KJV) “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Stress level on a scale of one to ten – nine! let’s go over it:

Me- In need of finding a doctor for this serious illness invading my body. (more on that in later posts)

My son – He found a really good job making good money and a week after he started, he asked for a week vacation at the end of July; a vacation to go to Kentucky to meet online friends. That’s what I taught him, run off and meet your online friends. He’s twenty-one and I cannot stop this train from going down the track, I have my own stress and seriously don’t need this, but it is what it is. He has a hard-as-a-rock head on his shoulders and I can’t say anything. (wow, he’s just like his mother!)

My hubby - An eye doctor’s appointment went well, but the eye doctor of eight years told us this would be the last time we’d see him. Shock, hurt, memories, everything came through the floodgates!

A funeral – Need I say more? His aunt succumbed to chemo.

The dentist – No insurance and a filling it wasn’t meant to be. I won’t say any more than that. This was the tip of the iceberg of a stressful month. Especially when the (doctor’s wife, hygienist) looked at me and asked if I was my husbands' mother. Insult after insult (my brother-in-law writes too, as a hobby, she says.) “Good thing you weren’t working so you could drive your husband to all of the doctor’s appointments.”  Slice after slice, cut, chop, throw me to the wolves. The wolf being a gray-haired, forty-five-year-old overworked mother. I was her target for the day and wonder how she even has the job she has.

I left in tears, wanting to just go home to the Lord. I’m done, I can’t handle this. I can’t handle all of the doubts coming through via my screen from people who say they support me but are really living Doubting Thomas’! The message of what to eat vs. what not to eat, what to take and what not to take, email after email asking to buy this cure in a bottle. No money has me deleting the majority of the supplement spiel.

I woke to find the email telling me to endure. To be filled with hope during a most trying time. To have faith where others wane. To stand tall and muddle through this thickened mire. It is my job to give hope and here I was being filled. I need a break from stress and worry. I need to stand in a downpour and release all that ails me. I need to embrace the journey and walk with hope in my hand.

The Holy Spirit flowing through us is God and His earthly blood/waters running through our veins. There is no doubting in the floodwaters. There may be pain, there sure will be stress, you’ll face trials of ignorance from the outside world but you’ll find the strength in God to endure, whatever it is you have to endure to get through another day.

Isa. 26:4 (KJV) “Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:”

I give all praise and Glory to God! 

Alleluia AMEN!

Quotation Saturday ~ Encouragement

Pss. 26:3 “For thy lovingkindness is before mine eyes: and I have walked in thy truth.”

ENCOURAGEMENT

“How would your life be different if…You walked away from gossip and verbal defamation? Let today be the day…You speak only the good you know of other people and encourage others to do the same.” 
― Steve Maraboli

“You can get a thousand no's from people, and only one "yes" from God.” 
― Tyler Perry

“...You can do something extraordinary, and something that a lot of people can't do. And if you have the opportunity to work on your gifts, it seems like a crime not to. I mean, it's just weakness to quit because something becomes too hard...” 
― Morgan Matson

“Do not sit still; start moving now. In the beginning, you may not go in the direction you want, but as long as you are moving, you are creating alternatives and possibilities.” 
― Rodolfo Costa

ACTION

“To believe in something, and not to live it, is dishonest.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

“To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend.” 
― Jacques Derrida

“You are what you do, not what you say you'll do.” 
― C.G. Jung

“Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.” 
― Mitch Albom

DECEPTION

“Just because something isn't a lie does not mean that it isn't deceptive. A liar knows that he is a liar, but one who speaks mere portions of truth in order to deceive is a craftsman of destruction.” 
― Criss Jami

“People trust their eyes above all else - but most people see what they wish to see, or what they believe they should see; not what is really there” 
― Zoë Marriott

“When you look at the past without God’s eyes, you subject yourself to deception. The past no longer exists and God doesn’t linger there. However, Satan will show you whatever you want to see and believe, so you will be trapped in an emotion that cannot communicate truth, beyond what you want to remember.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“People appear like angels until you hear them speak. You must not rush to judge people by the colour of their cloaks, but by the content of their words!” 
― Israelmore Ayivor

TRUTH

“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live up to what light I have.” 
― Abraham Lincoln

“I quote others only in order the better to express myself.” 
― Michel de Montaigne

“The truth is not for all men but only for those who seek it.” 
― Ayn Rand

“There is beauty in truth, even if it's painful. Those who lie, twist life so that it looks tasty to the lazy, brilliant to the ignorant, and powerful to the weak. But lies only strengthen our defects. They don't teach anything, help anything, fix anything or cure anything. Nor do they develop one's character, one's mind, one's heart or one's soul.” 
― José N. Harris

Thought for the Day: "Just as we can always find an encouraging word from God when we need one, always try to have an encouraging word for someone else in need. A well timed word of encouragement can change someone's day or, in some cases, their entire world." (see Ephesians 4:29) I hope you have an incredible day today my friends! – Elmer Laydon

The Reflecting Pool

Job 32: 18 For I am full of matter, the spirit within me constraineth me.

This week I feel that I’ve gone and jumped in a reflecting pool. I’m doing a lot of reflecting and thinking things through so bear with me. I know my whining about no internet for three days might make some of you say, “Enough already!” But I hope you see how dependent and addicted to the web my family and I have become. Also realize, my son has outside activities like school, and my man, he works. Me, I blog/write! I would much rather be addicted to the internet than suffer from drug and alcohol abuse. But like I said two weeks ago, we give up one addiction and fill it with another. At least this one isn’t sucking out all my brain cells or is it?

The God imposed fast was like He himself gave me a little push into the reflecting pool, and at some point in your life, I hope you take a dive yourself. Reflection is a way of seeing the truth in matters. When you look in the mirror, you are seeing the truth of what you look like, not a photoshop picture of what you WISH you really looked like. Nope, the image you see reflecting back from the mirror is the real deal.

The reflecting pool allows you to walk up to the edge of the water line, look down and you can see what’s in your soul. Yup I looked at my soul and it took a complete cut off from the wide world of the web for me to see an honest reflection of what MY soul looks like.

I saw ripples of the life I made for myself.

I saw me as a positive influence on others.

I saw me sharing the truth (or what I see as truth) and people getting it.

I also saw me striving to write and taking anything that falls on the page as a baby step towards my writing journey.

I also see everything anyone posts (blog, twitter, facebook) as an attack on me personally, as a human being, especially all the negative posts that people can’t keep themselves from posting. It affects peoples psyche! Even if it is intended to inform, it really comes across as ‘We’re too stupid to already know this stuff’?

I see me in prayer praying for each and every friend that I’m in contact with on facebook. (not so much the twittersphere)

I find peace in knowing I can’t save the world and that it isn’t all on my shoulders to bear.

I know I don’t need to run a popularity marathon to make me feel special. I feel special just being myself.

I am loved for just being me.

I saw my pain washing downstream with all the negative thoughts clinging to it.

My eyes were opened to what is wrong in MY LIFE and definitely see a way in making it right, and it isn’t in random hate-filled post. It isn’t in the outside social media trap, it is within! I’m liking who I am within, and praying for those who need to feel loved and are finding a satisfaction in false love.

Others need to see themselves as part of the very problems they so readily post! By you feeding fires and fanning flames is NOT the way to make a point. Do something about it physically! Words are just babble.

As I will continue to share positive things with substance, I will shun and run from all the negativity and it will force me to do a self-imposed fast of the internet. I will not be a follower.

“The one who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The one who walks alone, is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.” ~Albert Einstein

The message in this post? Take the time to jump in the reflecting pool and really look at yourself and who it is that you present to the world. Maybe what YOU see won’t be what the world sees.

Pss. 40: 8 I delight to do thy will, O my God: yea, thy law is within my heart.

Prov. 16: 18 Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.

Breathings of my Heart

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." 

~ William Wadsworth ~

The breathings of my heart. They speak to me in synonymous fluidity and carry me to places I had only imagined being carried. A writer is not one to carry words in their pocket, only to be left as lint in the dark recesses. No, a writer carries thoughts and words with him throughout his mind and splays the page with them as he or she goes throughout the day.

Are you the kind of writer, who hits a block and allows it to consume you and your words? Why not fill the paper with the breathings of your heart? You say you can’t write? Are you breathing? Then you can write. Even if it is a simple ditty, or 100 words of how your day went yesterday, what your plans for today are; all these can be turned into writing from the heart.

You know that as writers, we don’t need to spill out a thousand words a day. By keeping the flow moving at 50 words,100 words, 200 words, anything, will keep your fingers alive with the vibrancy of sticking your wet finger in an electric socket. Writers need to write! And to do that, ANY writing is acceptable.

Have you ever hit a spot in your life, where you felt like NOT breathing, nevermind writing your breathings. I hit this spot once a year leading up to Easter. I become very contemplative where my thoughts turn internal instead of reaching outward, my writings become very cryptic in the sense that my spiritual nature absorbs my thoughts and sometimes no one, not even myself understands me.

I sit behind the screen spouting off words. I write, I think, I live the breathings of my heart.  There is no room for playing, masking, compromising my purity or spiritual nature. I am who I am and only because my love for God is more important than anything in this world, I seem to isolate myself in my own world releasing words here and there.

So as you hit the road block to your flow of words, try looking within yourself and see what is causing this. Sometimes it is something as simple as focusing more on you than the world of writing that you’ve created for yourself. Sometimes all we need to do is put ourselves front and center and prioritize the important things in life, and write as we go along, but don’t let it consume your very being.

Usually when the writing block happens, it is telling you to look in the mirror. Look at your world and all you have, and to take tiny steps in accomplishing what it is that you really desire in life, if it is writing, the flow will come back. If it is something outside of writing, then you need to embrace what it is that will get you to a healing spot.

If you’re a writer, writing will always be there for you, but your breathings of the heart may not.

Quotation Saturday

Aim at heaven and you will get earth thrown in. Aim at earth and you get neither. --C.S. Lewis
***

TRUST

"Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him."
-- Booker T. Washington

"You can't shake hands with a clenched fist."
-- Indira Gandhi

"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don’t trust enough."
-- Frank Crane

"One must be fond of people and trust them if one is not to make a mess of life."
-- E. M. Forster

THOUGHTS/THINKING

"Begin challenging your own assumptions. Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once and a while, or the light won't come in."
-- Alan Alda

“The person who sends out positive thoughts activates the world around him positively and draws back to himself positive results.”
-- Norman Vincent Peale

“Nurture your mind with great thoughts; to believe in the heroic makes heroes.”
-- Benjamin Disraeli

"The most expensive piece of real estate is the six inches between your right and left ear. It’s what you create in that area that determines your wealth. We are only really limited by our mind."
-- Dr. Dolf de Roos

Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.
--C. S. Lewis
 
A tragedy is a representation of an action that is whole and complete and of a certain magnitude. A whole is what has a beginning and middle and end.
--Aristotle

Think Outside the Box

2 Sam. 22:8 Then the earth shook and trembled; the foundations of heaven moved and shook, because he was wroth.
***

Have you ever placed yourself so tightly in a box you feel there is no way out? You know, gotten so used to a routine that going off the beaten path might throw you off track a little?

Have you taken the same exact route to the store, gone through the store hitting all the aisles like a robot scourging the shelves in the same pattern week after week? Sometimes we need to shake off the routine and go down a dirt road that has never been explored before.

In our writing, we broach the same topics, write in the same fashion, place everything in the box with us so we feel secure knowing it is right where we want it to be. I’m here to tell you to think outside the box for a change. Write something you’d never dare write, show us, in all the splendid color, what you have to offer.

Think outside the box and shake your writing up a bit. Maybe use a new word that you’ve never used before. Try techniques unfamiliar to you and practice them every day; fulfill your writing dream by letting go of the old cardboard box. Climb out and observe the world around you, swallow up all the beauty and write about what it is you see.

Do pictures help you tell a story? Then google Picture Prompts, you’ll get a slew of new images to meander through all waiting for a tale to be told. Do word prompts help you write a story? Then again, google writing prompts. All of these venues are there for the taking. It’s like dipping into a pool of thoughts and you jump in and grab what you can and come out dripping with a new tale to be told.

Exercise your brain daily. Get out of the box and try your hand at new things. Sail off into the sunset and resurface at the sunrise. As a writer you can travel the world, wind up in different worlds, delve into the consciousness of writing and be on your way.

Whatever you do, don’t get stuck in a rut. The rut will weigh you down, keeping you grounded in one spot, you guessed it, The Box.

So what will you do today differently than you’ve done in weeks past? Are you just going to sit there, tap on the keys, go on about your day in routine fashion and wind up here in the morning to do the same thing over and over again? I hope not. I hope you put your world in a blender and shake up your habits a bit and write your heart out, embracing new things along the way.

Today, as in all days, Think Outside the Box!

Job 37:1 At this also my heart trembleth, and is moved out of his place.

Thought-filled Thursday

Job 14: 13  O that thou wouldest hide me in the grave, that thou wouldest keep me secret, until thy wrath be past, that thou wouldest appoint me a set time, and remember me!
***
Reflect on your present blessings, of which every man has many; not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some.
Charles Dickens (1812 - 1870)
***

Today I’m filled with thoughts. I’m sure you love coming here and reading about my thoughts, don’t you?

Have you ever had the past come back and bite you in the tush? Never? Well dang! My past seems to haunt me wherever I go. Some would say, “Oh just let it go.” Sorry friends to tell you this, but that is easier said than done.

I would love nothing more than to lay MY past to rest, but things creep back to the surface like mushrooms in the wet grass. They appear here and there, one day they’re plentiful but during dry spells you’re hard pressed to find one surfacing. That’s what the past has been doing to me lately. Memories, feelings, shadows dancing, all in my face.

In a novel, the past of a character is called back story. And if we laid the character’s past to rest, you’d barely have a story. Or you might have one that doesn’t make much sense to your reader.

What has brought on this rush of memory lane for me? A bunch of stuff, but most notably, this week is Father’s Day. I’m here in Nebraska far away from my dad and it would be so nice just to put my arms around him, hug him and let him know he’s loved.

My father wasn’t a perfect man by any means. He was no Ward Cleaver for sure. He worked, drank, and lived, rarely batting an eye at any of the six kids he fathered, so why do I love and miss him so much? Because I let the PAST GO! I’ve forgiven all the wrongs that my parents did, and embrace the them that is now.

My colorful past might be one for the books and novels of the non-fiction genre, but so is my tale of healing, forgiving, moving on and facing each new day. I embraced Christianity when I was 14, and even though my parents don’t understand what that means as they call themselves Catholic, by name and prayer only, I move forward in life, not backwards, if I can help it.

A Christian is not someone who attends church and thus says, “I’m a Christian, I go to church!” That is just wrong. For many years I called myself a Christian and hadn’t stepped into a church, only for the lack of Christianity teachings going on in churches.

A Christian, walks the walk as much as talks the talk. I don’t profess to be Christ-like (in my actions, words,  and thoughts) I try my best to ACT like a person of Christ.

I’m not perfect, I don’t forgive in the snap of a finger. I don’t overlook things and pretend nothing ever happened, I don’t lie, keep secrets, hide things, in hopes the discovery is only between me and my conscious. I embrace the past, wash my pain with words, color my world with love. I am working on me, the me that I am. My past is a part of me, it’s a part of your characters. Never let it disappear because there is a beneficial amount of healing to come from the popping up of memories.

Did you ever hold onto the negative and overlook the positive? Yeah, we all are guilty. Now lets move ahead in trust, faith and prayer, and keep God growing in our future so we have strength to deal with the past.

“I’ll move from the past to carry me into the future and hope one day my future has you in it.” ~ joni

Thought-filled Thursday

"They will perish, but You will endure;Yes, they will all grow old like a garment; Like a cloak, you will change them, And they will be changed."
Psalm 102:26 (NKJV)
***

Is there any other Thursday? ha ha

Thoughts are running around in my head like a carousel. Up and down, up and down, round and round they go. Does anyone give a hoot? Maybe a select few care but have no idea how to get me out of this slump.

I’m thinking about my writing and just where I’m going with this ‘career’. So many times I want to throw in the towel, other times I want to move full steam ahead, times where I want to give and times where I want to take. It’s just life I guess.

I was thrown into thoughts this week with losing it all, my writing that is. When the thought of the computer crashing surfaced, I panicked. “Save my writing, Save my writing!” Instead of waiting patiently for someone else to save my writing, I immediately kicked myself in the butt and started emailing my writing files to myself. I figure, if it is in my mail, the computer crashes, it is protected no matter where I am in life. As long as google and yahoo stay in business, my writing is in a safe place. (Back up! Back up! Back up!)

Then I learned of free space on the net, like dropbox. com. A free way to save your work online. I have the patience of a clam. Do I have time to wait for my work to be put in there? Well, I don’t know. Do any of us know how much time we have for anything?

Now you might say, “Put it on a disk.” Well I think it IS on a disk. Think being the operative word. Where is the said disk? Do I have it in a safe place? It must be, because it’s playing hide and seek just like the grip pliers that I can’t seem to find. A disk can be broken, emails can’t be shattered with all your hard work.

I have my son sending himself emails too. He has written stories and I just don’t want it to go to cyber heaven when there might be a chance that what he wrote is awesome! I don’t want him to lose all his hard work, and yes, he works hard on those stories.

Now I need to get all my new pics in there too. I don’t want to lose them either, especially the new ones here that we’ve taken of the farm.

I fit in this picture somewhere. Not quite sure why it is so blurry and not zoomed in, giving me a clear picture of what all this means. Is my life, like the computer, about to crash? Can I nestle it safely somewhere in my heart and save it all? Will I be victorious, or a victim of circumstance?

Writing and life are a lot alike sometimes, we just never know how much time we have for anything.

Thought-filled Thursday

Matt. 6:1 Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven.
***

Today I have a trillion things on my mind. Did I say trillion, yeah that’s the new figure the Prez is throwing out so I thought I’d use it too instead of saying a million. It makes it sound like so much more than a mil, eh?

First on my list are thoughts of why I write. I’ll have to elaborate on another post as to the WHY part. Second is that my feelings got hurt last night by my father and when it is your father, you can’t wake up and the feeling be gone.

You see, my family has never been supportive of me as a writer. If I’m not making a million dollars and sharing it all with them, then this journey is a worthless mission. And they pretty much let me know it.

If I say, I published a poem, my dad replies, “How much did ya get paid for it?” I say, “Well, they published it on the net and I get exposure and a contributors copy of their magazine.” He grumbles, “Well that’s not gonna feed ya.”

Does he even know that my writing DOES feed me? If I didn’t write, I would wither away into nothingness. I wouldn’t exist anymore. It is the very essence of my being that this thing called “writing” feeds.

People always ask writer’s what they get paid. If you’re not getting paid then their eyes roll into the backs of their head, and they look at you like you’ve lost your marbles. I remember last year when we were in a ‘Government agency’, I had told the lady I was homeschooling my son, I was a stay at home mom, and a writer. Her words? “Well you need to get a real job.”

Writing isn’t a job? Unless you get paid? How many authors out there are writing to fulfill a dream, trying so hard in life to actually become something, only to be discouraged by family? Aren’t they the ones who are supposed to stand by you and lift you up?

Oh I get it, they’re afraid I’ll get so down-on-my-luck that I’ll need to crawl to them for,dare I say the word, money! I’ve never asked my family or anyone for that matter for money. If they give it to me, it is because, I thought, they wanted to be a caring and compassionate person so they feel right with God, with their soul. Boy was I wrong, they do it so they can feel good about themselves and then say, “Hey God, I helped them, can you let me in now?”

It is a rare person who reaches out to you in your time of need, with no ulterior motive other than a compassionate heart. I realized the hard way, that my family isn’t the compassionate, loving creatures that God created. If they read this, they would become so defensive as to cover their BUTTS, and would, in their nature, make me feel ashamed, discouraged and belittled AGAIN!

I want to thank MY TRUE FRIENDS, who actually only know me through a screen, who gets me for all that I am., they love and care, they’re real people who lift me up.

And to the only family that I have, Steven, Adam and the rest of Steven’s family. They’re REAL people!

godspeed...

Thoughts for Thursday

Proverbs 16: 20 He that handleth a matter wisely shall find good: and whoso trusteth in the LORD, happy is he.
***

How do I write a writing post when so much is going on in my physical world that I feel like my head is in an ice bucket, frozen in silent animation?

The holiday’s are fast approaching and while I will be surrounded by family, I feel alone. Alone because my family is back in Maryland and could use the strength that I brought to the family and instead they are struggling on their own, alone also.

My hectic week will begin on Saturday and probably won’t give me a breath until the following Sunday when I’m sitting in Church thanking God for all of the blessings He has put in my life. Should I sit here and pout? Throw myself a pity party? Nah, that’s not who I am. I like to find the positive and run like the wind through the trees or harvested cornfields, and feel exhilarated for the things about to take place.

The clock is ticking, I’m wondering who this woman is, where is she finding the strength? Oh, yeah, GOD! You see, I should be in a frenzied, panicky mode, but I’m feeling ...what am I feeling, who knows? Weird? Strange? Yup, that’s Joni.

I am just going to take it One Day at a Time like all those anonymous groups say, and see what the Lord puts in front of me to handle. I know He only gives you what you can handle so I’m thinking, “He must think I’m a pretty strong chic to give me all of this!”

This came in the mail last week when I needed to hear/see/feel, “Joni, I’m here.”

***

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness joy.

O Divine Master grant that I
may not so much seek to
be consoled; as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

{LISTEN UP HERE}
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying, that we, are born to eternal life!!!

These words resound in my life as I face this week. May you carry them with you also.

Amen? AMEN!

Angel always...godspeed...

Thoughtful Thursday...

The most potent muse of all is our own inner child.
~Stephen Nachmanovitch
***

I was thinking, Thursday should be a day of thoughtfulness.

Did you read yesterday’s blog? And I bet you got out of the house and did something with your day besides just sit here in front of your screen typing. I sure hope you did get out, because when you get out and move around this is where story ideas come into your thoughts.

I had a real nice long walk down this road out here. I think it goes a half mile to the back of the farm and boy do story ideas pop into my head. Isn’t it funny how we can look at an abandoned old barn, and a story idea pop into your head? Usually I come up with a scary story, I don’t know why, but a creepy farm with stalks of dried up corn reaching out to grab you, and squeaky metal doors clanging off in the distance, leaves and dry brush crunching underfoot. Geez, give me a dark night and a full moon and I’ve got a story!

Then as I watch my dog as she prances miles ahead of us, okay not miles but yards ahead and I think of the crazy thoughts that must be running through her mind and how she is loving the freedom that she has been given out here in Farm Town. Puppy story there, especially as she jumps on the crickets, prowls for animals, stalks the birds in the bushes only to pounce and scare them out of their trees and the squirrels, don’t even get me started on my crazy dog and the squirrels.

Although my son has a tendency to talk the entire time we walk, really I zone out and conjure story ideas in my head. Although, since exploring and a mile walk is part of his physical education, I take this time to just drink in all of the beauty that the good Lord has blessed me with.

Sure there are many pots on the stove and lots of things to think about, stressful things, but I’d much rather delve into the mystery of a story to be told. Thoughts are our best story ideas. They are harmless, most of the time, and they can lead to in-depth characters being born along the way.

Now keep your thoughts pure and you’ll have an inspirational tale to tell. I love a true life testament of faith story, know of any? *wink* Shameless plug here --> (The Drums in the Deep)

Okay now...have a thought-filled Thursday and may it lead you to the nail-biting, teeth-gritting good story that you’ve just been dying to tell! So why are you still here? Get typing!!!

HAPPY WRITING!