OPTIMISM: A New Day

Pss. 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

Optimism: A New Day

For the past two and a half weeks I’ve been walking around in a veiled fog. My brain couldn’t wrap itself around the simplest of things. I knew without the Oral Chemo I would start to fail. I don’t know why the nurse assumed, two weeks ago, I would jump right into the chemo Herceptin, she knows me and has been working with me for seven months but she went ahead and stopped all further shipments of my meds and didn’t, it sounds to me, get the doctors okay. He wanted me back on what I had left here at home, pronto! And as soon as I started taking it again, my body, muscles, and brain all connected, finally.

I was angry and bitter at just about anyone I came in contact with. I put up a good front (or not) but I muddled through each and every day. If you’ve been reading my blog over the years, you know I am an optimist at heart. I take everything to the Lord and listen ONLY to Him. Not my husband, son, doctors or family can tell me anything, I listen to God and wait for what He has to say ALL of the time.

This instance was no different as I told you last week. I prayed, I heard, and I listened. I also told you I didn’t like the answer I got and for that, I became bitter and disgruntled and in all honesty, ready to pick out my urn! Just an FYI: I want the cover of Dark Side of the Moon on it. Inscription will say: "I'll see you on the dark side of the moon."

Pss. 34:6 "This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles."

God wants me to go the Herceptin route and for the life of me, I cannot conceive why. Why would He do this to me? Why can’t I just be healed like everyone imagines how healing is done? You don’t have to answer that I already know the answer. GOD DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! 

With all of the healthy eating and supplementation, my body was being prepared to handle what the damaging poison would do to my system. It’s a fact that chemo destroys, it’s a fact that we have the power within ourselves to heal so we need to step up and take action to see healing through. I worked hard to build up my immunity and it may just be time to see if it is strong enough for the poison while the poison attacks the C cells. A science project in motion, if you will.

My body was ready for the Oral Chemo. After sifting through the lies that the doctor told, I had no idea the Oral Chemo was a short term route. I was led to believe ‘that I would see ANOTHER Christmas’. Well, if I don’t go the Herceptin route, I might not see another Christmas!

I have said over and over and over again, this illness is not like a cold. You eat some soup, take some vitamin c and you’re all better. There is no clear indication that just changing your diet to an organic plant-based and taking supplements is the secret to healing the Big C! I’ve NEVER EVER said that or misled anyone to believe that. I made it perfectly clear that there is an entire chasm of healing tools and chemo is NOT the only way to go either! And also, cancer is NOT the death sentence that doctors would like you to believe it is, it’s an enemy of your system, but it is YOUR system, your body, your healing, no one else can heal you but God and you!

The women I see healing alternatively have money, the choice of fine doctors at their fingertips, chiropractors, have been to the clinic in Mexico, have access to the UV saunas, have within their reach the ability to afford all the crazy organic Plant Based food, and many live in states where Medicinal Cannabis is legal. They have family supporting them and maybe they’ve never had a life of trauma. Yes, I know, we’ve all had hard lives but again TRAUMA is different than losing a dog when you were a kid or being whooped because you were bad. TRAUMA is stress that needs tender loving care to get through and it doesn’t happen in a meditation session, or on a psychologists sofa, or with drugs! There are elements to healing this disease that the poor impoverished person has a much deeper struggle to contend with.

So with that, yesterday I woke with an answer. Optimism! I’ve had a gung-ho attitude through all of this but in recent weeks my pep pooped out! Today, my poop got pepped! Ewww. Wait. Today my perk got prepped! Yeah, that sounds better. God said to me if I go into chemo thinking it’s going to destroy and kill me, by all means, it will. If I go in with the optimism that this is just another supplement (albeit a poisonous one) needed in my healing then we’ll find success, then so be it! We’ll find healing! 

God is not a God of fear tactics and scare traits. He wants me to see this as a love potion to add to all of my other healthy eating, exercising, and supplementation. This is just an odd leg of the journey that I did not want to accept. You heard me right, I didn’t like what God wanted me to do! After asking for forgiveness in my doubting Him and asking Him to hold my hand and lead the way, He shouted, OPTIMISM! We’ll walk with optimism so I can see a new day every day and see many more Christmas’! 

I don’t have to do what the doctor says, I’m in the passenger seat of this vehicle and God is my Almighty Driver! The doctors fear tactics have me on this Herceptin for years, ten to twenty. Look, people, I’m not a prisoner doing ten to twenty years for something I didn’t do. I am going to show the world that this disease can be licked, all wounds healed and scars tended to. Years down the line, the scars will be minimal with caressing, rubbing, touching, acknowledging and coming face to face with what brought them to me. 

My mantra will continue - I am HEALED, I am Healthy and I am WELL! 

All praise and Glory to my God! 

Pss. 34:1 "I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise shall continually be in my mouth."

Poetry Sunday: God's Healing Touch

Pss. 45:1 “My heart is inditing a good matter: I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue is the pen of a ready writer.”

Shimmering reflections of pain I feel 

Lost in fragments I needed to heal

A mending touch if truth be known

Is in His fingers pressing stone.

By chance, my aches towered then crashed

A mighty sword by flames were dashed

Slicing through with torments rage

Remnants bound in an open cage.

Not being confined by a limited view

My heart beheld all that was true

The night sky opened gems bedazzled

Made whole of me the frail and frazzled.

Armed with faith my body to restore

The strength therein the open door

No longer doomed by fate I’m driven

With all the tools that God has given.

I was blinded by mortal shame

And only had myself to blame 

Shaving off my arrogant pride

Unearthed the healing deep inside.

Once I freed confined vanity

Not veiled behind bent sanity

I relieved myself of the crutch

Bare I found God’s healing touch.

Job 37:23 “Touching the Almighty, we cannot find him out: he is excellent in power, and in judgment, and in plenty of justice: he will not afflict.”

Resurrection Sunday ~ My Happy New Year!

1 Peter 2:24 KJV “Who his own self bare our sins in his own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness: by whose stripes ye were healed.”

Resurrection Sunday ~ My New Year Begins

By the blood of Christ, I am healed

The truth of Him to me revealed

I do not walk in doubt and fear

From Him I’m fixed it’s ever clear

My suffering is but a small measure

Of the life I live, one that I treasure

Although a shell, my soul’s at home

My body on earth is free to roam

Slithering in the illness came

The ashen rider with death as a name

Catching me weakened and off guard

Knocking me down, leaving me scarred

I rose from the ashes scattered about

Reached for the Lamb, behind me doubt

Fear melted faces of those around me

Until the Light was all they could see

An orchestra of Angels plays a tune

Wraps me in their heavenly womb

I walk with Light and love by my side

The Lord is my Shepherd, my only guide

As Holy Week ends with a signified seal

My journey goes on, I continue to heal

The sidelines are full, friends and angels cheer

On this day I begin my Happy New Year!

Acts 4:22 “For the man was above forty years old, on whom this miracle of healing was shewed.”

Rejoice! Healing Taking Place!

                                       

Pss.5:11 “But let all those that put their trust in thee rejoice: let them ever shout for joy, because thou defendest them: let them also that love thy name be joyful in thee.”

Rejoice! Healing Taking Place!

Many might not see this as a healing taking place but let me tell you, witness a HEALING taking place. As many know I had a new oncologist visit last week and also a PET scan. Read over the past weeks posts to see my take on the onc.2 and all he had to say. Once again the issue of chemo is trying to be forced on me and I’m standing with God as I trust HIS healing over mans.

On Monday the 6th of March, I got a call ‘to inform me of my doctors appointment’ on Tuesday. Last week I told the doctor and his assistant that I COULD NOT come there this week as my husband HAS to work. He only has a part time job due to his disability and has already been missing too much time. I guess it went right over their head and they put me down anyway for an appointment on the 7th of March. I called, the woman put me on voicemail where I left a message that I was NOT able to make the visit.

On the 7th, my doctor called. His message went something like, “I have your PET scan results and you didn’t show today for your scheduled appointment.” I called right back and he was supposedly in a conference, but ironically he called me back immediately. Short conference? 

“Joni, your scan shows that your cancer is only in left breast. Good news, it is not spreading. Now we treat this with chemotherapy. You make an appointment.”

I repeatedly told him, “Not now, I have to see what else it out there, I need to look into alternative treatments, are there any clinical studies out here in Nebraska I can get in on?” Twenty different statements all with him piping in, “we have chemo, it is scientifically proven to heal you ninety percent guarantee! You come in. If you knew what I knew, you would come in right now.” He has a very strong Bulgarian accent and he is very pushy as most doctors are because they believe themselves to be Gods and the owner of your soul. 

I told him AGAIN that this is MY decision, MY body, MY choice. He said, “We no can help you if it spread and go stage four.” THAT, my friend, is a bold lie! In all my research there IS help for three-hundred pound tumors and stage four cancers. He either hasn’t done his homework, or he is set on telling lies to get his patients to commit. I like to call this ‘strong-arming’! And keep in mind, he had just got done telling me that this crud I've been carrying noticeably for a year, HAS NOT SPREAD!

I went on to tell him that I’m being hit with two thousand dollar doctor bills and tests that my insurance isn’t covering. I again said I cannot come in because my husband NEEDS to work to pay for these bills! My husband is on S.S. and works part time; he NEEDS to work. Good old doc pipes in, “we help, we get you financial assistance.”
He said he’d get his navigator to call me to talk about where we can get financial assistance for these mounting bills. I said, ‘fine’, we said our good-byes and the call ended. I felt liberated; this crud IS NOT SPREADING!!! I said my peace and left it at that. I then went to spread the good news to my dear friends and my naturopathic niece who are an immense support system at this time.

Later in the day on my voicemail, there was a message, the nurse navigator lady. “Hi, we’d like to set up an appointment for you to come see the Dr.” I believe this is getting to be borderline harassment! How come what I say goes in one ear, out the other but I’m supposed to jump at their very fear tactics? I hope they know all this is being documented. 

My niece said, “If he can guarantee 90% healing through chemo, I can guarantee 100% through alternative routes!” She is a storm trooper! My friends all said, good news, keep up the good work, let God continue to heal. See there it is! It is GOD who is doing all the healing. I don’t believe for one minute that chemo can HEAL me and thus it WILL NOT heal me. I BELIEVE God CAN and WILL heal me and I’m sticking to my dedication to Him! The Almighty Healer.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you went the chemo route and it worked for you, then praise be to God that it worked FOR YOU. I don’t believe it will work FOR ME and that is the only reason I’m choosing to go a different route. 

Matt. 9:35 “And Jesus went about all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues, and preaching the gospel of the kingdom, and healing every sickness and every disease among the people.”

Now someone keeps asking about surgery and the size, etc.. Let me make this clear, I am not depending on God to heal a portion of me, I KNOW He will heal ALL OF ME!!! I will not go the 'butcher me up and radiate me' route. Read that again, GOD IS THE ALMIGHTY HEALER! I TRUST HIM FOR HEALING ALL OF ME!

You all might be wondering about my arthritis and my inability to walk very well? Let me tell you, I went to WalMart the other day, I usually let hubby do the shopping but Sunday I said that I wanted to go. I WALKED to the front door, went to the garden section, walked all the way to the back of the store to the car dept., then headed over to the food portion of the store, shopped, checked out and walked back to the truck. 

I asked my husband as we got in the car, “Did you see me?” He noted, “Yeah, I did, I see a difference!” He has seen my body basically deteriorate over the years and yet here he stood, seeing a difference in just ONE MONTH of my holistic healing!

Like I said, God is not healing a PORTION of me. He’s not just carrying one illness, He’s taking hold of my entire body! This my friends is what trust and faith is doing for ME!

The other day the woods too close to our home caught fire. On a 35 mph, sustained wind day with gusts of up to 50 mph carried the towering flames higher and higher but AWAY from our home. I sat in the house so as not to toxify my lungs with the strong odor that hung in the air. But the blackness could be seen too close for me. I remained calm and prayed. My newly mopped floor was covered in soot; you could feel it skidding under your feet.

Do you see the raging battle? Are you paying attention to all that I’m writing? Where something can be seen as devastating, I am turning it into a positive. Where something is trying to control ME, I control the situation. Where things around me try to dim my light, I only shine brighter and brighter!

I am REJOICING in the HEALING taking place in my body! I am moving forward not backward! All praise and Glory to Him who is Most High!

Pss. 9:2 “I will be glad and rejoice in thee: I will sing praise to thy name, O thou most High.”

False Prophets

Discernment comes when you meditate on the word of God day and night. The Spirit reaches into your soul and fills you with the truth that only He can give. False prophets tell you what you want to hear and more times than not, it is lies.

“An evil and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign…. “ (Matthew 12:39)

Matt. 12:39 (KJV) But he answered and said unto them, An evil and adulterous generation seeketh after a sign; and there shall no sign be given to it, but the sign of the prophet Jonas”

“…I hate every false way.” (Psalm 119:128b)

Pss.119:126 (KJV) It is time for thee, LORD, to work: for they have made void thy law.
[127] Therefore I love thy commandments above gold; yea, above fine gold.
[128] Therefore I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way.
[129] Thy testimonies are wonderful: therefore doth my soul keep them.
[130] The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.
[131] I opened my mouth, and panted: for I longed for thy commandments.
[132] Look thou upon me, and be merciful unto me, as thou usest to do unto those that love thy name.
[133] Order my steps in thy word: and let not any iniquity have dominion over me.
[134] Deliver me from the oppression of man: so will I keep thy precepts.
[135] Make thy face to shine upon thy servant; and teach me thy statutes.
[136] Rivers of waters run down mine eyes, because they keep not thy law.
[137] Righteous art thou, O LORD, and upright are thy judgments.

People seem to tune into every wind of doctrine that a pastor, leader or Church sermon can lay at their feet. If we are so easily swayed how then will we know when it is the Lord who is speaking to us?

I see so many boasting the word of God, but very few living the Word of God! The first to come to mind is say, Kenneth Copeland, Joyce Meyer and Joel Osteen. They seem to be the false prophets of the day while there is many more leading you to believe what they’re selling. You unwillingly saunter right into their puffed up vanities and feed their ego allowing them to believe that they ARE spewing the Word. It is their truth, not the biblical doctrine I have come to know, love and live.

2 Cor. 10: [3] For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
[4] (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;)
[5] Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
[6] And having in a readiness to revenge all disobedience, when your obedience is fulfilled.
[7] Do ye look on things after the outward appearance? If any man trust to himself that he is Christ's, let him of himself think this again, that, as he is Christ's, even so are we Christ's.

Oh foolish nation…

Deut. 32:21 They have moved me to jealousy with that which is not God; they have provoked me to anger with their vanities: and I will move them to jealousy with those which are not a people; I will provoke them to anger with a foolish nation.

How to spot a false prophet?

When their outward appearance is more important than their inner self.

When they can dwell in a mansion and have the poor at their gates. Take notice!

When the cost of their shoes was more than your last meal. 

When they ask for money, all in the name of God, and call it tithing to make you feel guilty. (Tithing is done from the heart, not out of guilt)

When they tell you that tithing will bring you closer to God. (this is the biggest lie!)

My friends, allow me to say, there is no way a minister, a church or a religion will bring you closer to God unless you seek Him first from the inside of YOU! The way to God is to pray and meditate on His word day and night and allowing Him to LIVE through you DAILY. (Notice I didn’t say weekly?)

Pss. 1:2 But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.

Pss.63:6 When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches.

Pss.77:12 I will meditate also of all thy work, and talk of thy doings.

Pss.119:15 I will meditate in thy precepts, and have respect unto thy ways.
[23] Princes also did sit and speak against me: but thy servant did meditate in thy statutes.
[48] My hands also will I lift up unto thy commandments, which I have loved; and I will meditate in thy statutes.
[78] Let the proud be ashamed; for they dealt perversely with me without a cause: but I will meditate in thy precepts.
[148] Mine eyes prevent the night watches, that I might meditate in thy word.

1 Tim 4:15 Meditate upon these things; give thyself wholly to them; that thy profiting may appear to all.

Listening to a minister or pastor is all well and good, but not meditating on what they are saying and taking the words spoken to God, leaves you an open doorway for False Prophets to walk right in and deceive you. When you TALK with God, you learn to WALK with God and all without one ounce of boasting will the world see the benefits. 

May the Light of the Lord bless you all on your journey!