The Moral of the Story Is...

Easter April 1st, 2018 - Snow - Lots of it

Isa. 55:9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts."

The Moral of the Story... 

All week I was undecided whether I was going to make it to the family’s Easter gathering. Since I haven’t been able to walk really well for a month now I cried out and said if I can’t walk I’m not going. It isn’t as if his family hasn’t seen me in this weakened state. Remember I’ve spoken many of time how their eyes speak of pity, dripping of poor Joni looks. It hurts me to see that look on their faces. It’s not my fault I can read people, but their eyes being the window of their soul, their pity pours from their eyes.

All month I’ve struggled to get better. His mom came out last week for my birthday and brought me an enormous fruit tray! She asked if we’d be coming on Easter and defensively I said, “I don’t even know how I’ll feel tomorrow nevertheless in a week.” I left it at that because each new day is a challenge and I feel different every day.

This week I almost forced myself to feel better. One day I would walk well and I kept myself busy and the next day the cane was back in my hand. Each day that I feel better I find myself trying to do too much in a day and am in pain the very next day. It’s the new game of what will I feel today. Friday I washed clothes, scrubbed up the tub and bathroom, vacuumed the floor as if I was preparing for guests to arrive! Saturday I woke and didn’t feel bad at all and went on with my chore for the day and that was going to be to make my mother’s classic macaroni salad to take with me on our Easter outing. With determination in hand, I was intent on going to a family get-together.

All week long the weather was predicting a cold spell for Easter Sunday. Cold as in twenty to thirty degrees after a mixture of the fifties and sixties on the clickity-clanking roller coaster ride of the transitional winter-spring event. I don’t know what day it was when I checked the weather and the word snow popped up but I paid it no mind and went on to healing, physically and emotionally.

Friday came and I checked the weather and it said more than just snow, it said Winter Weather Advisory! For some reason, I thought it was a nasty unethical April Fools joke but I knew deep down the professionals in the field wouldn’t do something of that magnitude. They were now calling for three to five inches of snow, eight if you were under the heavy band that was attached to the storm.

I trudged ahead with my plans; it took my whole day Saturday to make the macaroni salad with every intention of going to see the family on Easter Sunday. A whole day to make macaroni salad you ask? Well, when it comes to steaming the shrimp, cutting up the stuff that goes in it, hard-boiling eggs and mixing the sauce, yes, it takes about four to five hours to make it perfect, the classic way I remember it being made from childhood.

Everything seemed to be going wrong! I made this dish for years now but this time everything was going wonky on me from the noodles to the eggs, step by step it just kept getting worse and worse! The two-pounds of macaroni noodles were not the right ones. I usually use just the simple generic elbows but these were name brand and apparently, two pounds of simple elbow macaroni to generic brands is different than the name brands. I had enough fancier ridged noodles than I knew what to do with! 

From what felt like overcooked noodles to the undercooked eggs, and my dog circling my feet wondering if anything would drop for her, to my back in wrenching pain, this wasn’t going well. I persisted and went on winding up with making a meal for the guys with the excess noodles I had, making me something to eat and having more than enough macaroni salad for all. The optimist in me reigns!

For the entire week of Holy Week, I stayed focused on my faith and winding down the Lenten season with all that I’ve learned. My mornings and writings, as usual, were scripture, my movies at night were God related; winding down at a nice pace, pain in check but persistence won out very easily.

I didn’t even think of the snow until Sunday morning came. I woke and as I peeked out the window I could see a blanket of cotton covering the darkness. As the sun, or lack thereof, began shedding light on the horizon, I could see what I couldn’t see an hour ago, a little more snow than I thought. My son was due to drive home in the wintry white slippery stuff, yet again, after his two nights a week graveyard shift ended. He came home sore because of the shoveling he had to do and the lugging of salt. 

As the blustery temps remained below freezing, the snow kept falling and falling rendering us homebound for the day. I wasn’t willing to drive in the stuff since my back cannot handle the swerves a slick icy/muddy road causes and my husband, being blind in one eye, has trouble differentiating the ditch and the road when it is all uniformly white. We played it safe and stayed home. His mom was disappointed but she wanted us all safe too. Other family members couldn’t make it either, so I didn’t feel too bad about not being able to attend. Maybe she should set the time later than twelve noon from now on. Nope, tradition is tradition and one thing I’ve learned from this family is that they are steeped in routine and tradition.

I didn’t plan on being home for the day so now I had to figure out a meal. Plans are made to be broken I get, but I was certainly not ready for it to be seven inches of snow on April first to be what kept us home. Yes, we could’ve trudged through the snow, after all that is another thing I learned about Nebraskan’s, they don’t let snow stop them from anything. I live in a 4x4 red, white, and black state, Husker nation through and through.

By two o’clock the sun had pierced through the heavy blanket of clouds and the snow had finally stopped. I had shoveled a path for my dog earlier and the path was all but gone, filled in with snow, except for a sliver of brown peeking through. The roads looked very passable and finally cars were passing on the now slushy mess. The warming of the ground from many fifty and sixty degree days helped alleviate the plowing of the snow. The eight inches of snow I brushed from the truck was now sliding off the roof that I couldn’t reach, but the grass was still thick in the middle of the white stuff that defined the majority of the ‘Winter from Hell’! Temperatures stayed in the twenties the entire day of April 1st, 2018.

Then the words came through the tunnel…I have to go to the emergency room. * thud * I nearly fainted at the sight of blood and was rendered useless. Wrapped in gauze my husband drove off as I nurtured my near-fainting, dizzying spell and vomiting. Four stitches later and two hours passed (I was still woozy) my husband made it back home. Unless you want me to pass out, please don’t ask me what happened in my hubby’s new ‘workshop’. Use your imagination, DO NOT ASK! 

All in all the ending of the Lenten season’s highlight was the moral of the entire season; our plans are not God’s plans! Our ways are not His ways! He can and WILL do whatever He sets in motion to do! No one else is in control but Him! Let loose of the ego in you and be reminded, God is good all the time, ALL THE TIME GOD IS GOOD! 

Pss. 118: 5  “I called upon the LORD in distress: the LORD answered me, and set me in a large place.

[6] The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?”

[8] It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

4 1 18 - Chrismas Pointsettias covered in snow! 

We couldn't have Easter without Christmas now, can we? 

Holy Week ~ Strength in Scripture

SACRIFICE

On this Holiest of Friday’s, the day a man recorded in history as being sacrificed on the cross. Not just any man, the Son of God. Why would a God allow His son to be sacrificed? Because of you, because of me, for the LOVE of sinful man. God became man so he himself could see what was so hard about not sinning. He found that man had to suffer a lot to not WANT to sin. He became sin, who knew no sin, so that we could be saved! I myself, have given my life to Him.

Isa. 53:10 “Yet it was the LORD’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer, and though the LORD makes his life an offering for sin, he will see his offspring and prolong his days, and the will of the LORD will prosper in his hand.” NIV

Pss. 51:17 “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.”

Pss.54:6 “I will freely sacrifice unto thee: I will praise thy name, O LORD; for it is good.”

Man worshipped false idols, the dark lord, the evil one, the god of sin. The world being overrun with sin needed to be saved on a spiritual level that for many years no one would grasp except the Lord's people. The sinner would go on with his ways gnawing and clawing his way through life while the innocent ones wanted to be saved from the darkness running freely.

Pss. 106:28  “They joined themselves also unto Baal-peor, and ate the sacrifices of the dead.
[37] Yea, they sacrificed their sons and their daughters unto devils,
[38] And shed innocent blood, even the blood of their sons and of their daughters, whom they sacrificed unto the idols of Canaan: and the land was polluted with blood.

Ecc. 9:2 “All things come alike to all: there is one event to the righteous, and to the wicked; to the good and to the clean, and to the unclean; to him that sacrificeth, and to him that sacrificeth not: as is the good, so is the sinner; and he that sweareth, as he that feareth an oath.”

Isa. 43:23 “Thou hast not brought me the small cattle of thy burnt offerings; neither hast thou honoured me with thy sacrifices. I have not caused thee to serve with an offering, nor wearied thee with incense.”
[24] “Thou hast bought me no sweet cane with money, neither hast thou filled me with the fat of thy sacrifices: but thou hast made me to serve with thy sins, thou hast wearied me with thine iniquities.”

Jer. 33: [11] The voice of joy, and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom, and the voice of the bride, the voice of them that shall say, Praise the LORD of hosts: for the LORD is good; for his mercy endureth for ever: and of them that shall bring the sacrifice of praise into the house of the LORD. For I will cause to return the captivity of the land, as at the first, saith the LORD.

For the love of sin, man sacrificed the children of the future. 

Eze. 16: 20 “Moreover thou hast taken thy sons and thy daughters, whom thou hast borne unto me, and these hast thou sacrificed unto them to be devoured. Is this of thy whoredoms a small matter,”

Dan 11:31 “And arms shall stand on his part, and they shall pollute the sanctuary of strength, and shall take away the daily sacrifice, and they shall place the abomination that maketh desolate.”

For hundreds of years, man relished sin. 

Hos. 3:4 For the children of Israel shall abide many days without a king, and without a prince, and without a sacrifice, and without an image, and without an ephod, and without teraphim:

There were men and women who knew the Lord and the light of love that He offered and would do anything for this Lord of heaven.

Jonah 2:9 “But I will sacrifice unto thee with the voice of thanksgiving; I will pay that, that I have vowed. Salvation is of the LORD.”

And the Lord prepared to come down to earth from the highest of heaven to save man from his own mass destruction. To finally put to rest the evil that was called to reign as god of the world for a time.

Zeph. 1:7 “Hold thy peace at the presence of the Lord GOD: for the day of the LORD is at hand: for the LORD hath prepared a sacrifice, he hath bid his guests.”
[8] “And it shall come to pass in the day of the LORD's sacrifice, that I will punish the princes, and the king's children, and all such as are clothed with strange apparel.”

Mal. 1:14 “But cursed be the deceiver, which hath in his flock a male, and voweth, and sacrificeth unto the LORD a corrupt thing: for I am a great King, saith the LORD of hosts, and my name is dreadful among the heathen.”

And God graced us with his presence after man was consumed with sin. Four hundred years passed between the Old Testament and the New Testament. His words were still known throughout the land as some were filled with God, not sin. The sinful man was the heathen spoke of in Malachi, the sinner in Matthew.

And God came to the earth as a man. An angelic spiritual birth is now known to man across the world, Jesus was born. God became flesh. Man had the opportunity to change from a sinner to a righteous loving man; to save the earth and its people from total destruction.

Matt. 9:13 “But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Mark 12:33 “And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

Acts 49:49 “Heaven is my throne, and earth is my footstool: what house will ye build me? saith the Lord: or what is the place of my rest?
[50] Hath not my hand made all these things?
[51] Ye stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears, ye do always resist the Holy Ghost: as your fathers did, so do ye.”

Rom. 12:1 “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.”

1 Cor. 5:7 “Purge out therefore the old leaven, that ye may be a new lump, as ye are unleavened. For even Christ our passover is sacrificed for us:”

Eph. 5:2 “And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us, and hath given himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweetsmelling savour.”

Hebrews 9:9 “Which was a figure for the time then present, in which were offered both gifts and sacrifices, that could not make him that did the service perfect, as pertaining to the conscience;
[23] It was therefore necessary that the patterns of things in the heavens should be purified with these; but the heavenly things themselves with better sacrifices than these.
[26] For then must he often have suffered since the foundation of the world: but now once in the end of the world hath he appeared to put away sin by the sacrifice of himself.”

He asks of us:

Heb. 13:15 “By him therefore let us offer the sacrifice of praise to God continually, that is, the fruit of our lips giving thanks to his name.
[16] But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased.”

And in the 21st century, we continue to fail.

Rev. 2:14 “But I have a few things against thee, because thou hast there them that hold the doctrine of Balaam, who taught Balac to cast a stumblingblock before the children of Israel, to eat things sacrificed unto idols, and to commit fornication.
[20] Notwithstanding I have a few things against thee, because thou sufferest that woman Jezebel, which calleth herself a prophetess, to teach and to seduce my servants to commit fornication, and to eat things sacrificed unto idols.”

He died for us and left us with these words among many:

Matt. 28:18-20 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

May the Grace of God reign in all of your hearts

so that you might be blessed by His coming.

All Scripture is from the KJV

Holy Week ~ In His Glory

Luke 23: 34  Then said Jesus, Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots.

~ In His Glory ~

(c) Joni Zipp 

I’ll deeply inhale the mornings' breath

walk through the day of your death;

Weep as tears falls from the sky

raise my eyes to ask You why?

Why did you leave us, why let man win

to bury the burden of human sin?

Will we sit idle and watch as you hang

forgetting all the Hosannas we sang?

Will we remember the blood on the cross

as we lust for life forgetting the loss,

can a man walk ‘round with his head held high,

knowing you came if only to die?

Agony washes through my veins

my heart laments for all of your pains.

I don’t pretend as hypocrites do

to immerse in honor every holiday or two.

I walk in the path that is set before me

trying to bathe in all your glory.

You rise to bask in heaven's glow,

and gave to me the right to sow.

I’ll carry your words, I’ll heal my heart

knowing that you will never depart.

Man tries to mask all that you’re seeing

not knowing You’ve leaked into his being!

I drench myself in the beckoning light,

that cradles me through day and night.

I drink from the cup of all your words

that fill my soul like fluttering birds.

My heart weeps red but unlike you

it only seeps my garments through.

Your bloodshed gives to me new birth

a righteous soul unveiled on Earth. 

All rights reserved: © Joni Zipp

Matt.28: 19-20 “Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.”

GodBless you ALL! 

My Spiritual Journey Continues

1 Cor. 1:9 “God is faithful, by whom ye were called unto the fellowship of his Son Jesus Christ our Lord.”

My Advent Season ~ My Spiritual Journey Continues

My Advent Season has begun with the Max Lucado – Because of Bethlehem series. I adore Max Lucado and his inspirational writing. I take my spiritual journey in life pretty serious and this year is no different than the past seasons of my spiritual journey. I love God, I love the Jesus story and I am dedicated eternally to my Spiritual journey.

You know, we only think of Bethlehem when Christmas time rolls around, but I hope we ALL think of what Bethlehem means to each of us, daily in the name Jesus Christ, Immanuel, King of Kings, Lord of Lords! It is BECAUSE of Bethlehem that we know we have a Savior that was prophetically announced in the Old Testament.

Isaiah 9:14 Therefore the Lord himself shall give you a sign; Behold, a virgin shall conceive, and bear a son, and shall call his name Immanuel.

[15] Butter and honey shall he eat, that he may know to refuse the evil, and choose the good.[16] For before the child shall know to refuse the evil, and choose the good, the land that thou abhorrest shall be forsaken of both her kings.

Isaiah 11:1 And there shall come forth a rod out of the stem of Jesse, and a Branch shall grow out of his roots:[2] And the spirit of the LORD shall rest upon him, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of counsel and might, the spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the LORD;

As I said before, my faith is not based on just mere words that I’ve read over the years, if that was the case I’d probably be a Buddhist monk by now. No, what my faith is based on is my soul, my spirit and His Spirit which fills me with everlasting love and comfort during trying times. It is during these trying times that I feel closest to Him. Such has been my lifelong spiritual journey.

Last year was not a good year all the way around. Three deaths in the family took its toll on me physically, emotionally and yes it scarred my soul but did NOT change where my soul was heading with the Lord front and center. This year as my Spiritual journey continues it’s no different, a death in the family, again I’m not home so it affects me differently than it does the ones back there over a thousand miles away.

I don’t have a family where when one is sick they seek prayers for the strength in getting through a tumultuous heartbreaking time, no, my family is one where when someone is sick they keep it a hidden secret because, “they didn’t bother with me while I was alive, I don’t need them bothering me in death” kind of rhetoric. I’m sure more colorful words were used but you get my meaning. 

Sunday during one of my daily calls to my mother, she informed me that my one brother (who has denied my facebook friend request) told her that he had seen on facebook that “Billy, [my cousin] was put in a hospice and more than likely wouldn’t make it to Christmas, if anybody cared.” < words of my cousins husband.  I tried contacting my cousin’s husband because I ‘thought’ he had been listed as my ‘friend’ but ironically he disappeared. I sent a message but he never responded to it. My mother (who doesn't do internet anything) called my OTHER brother and he told her that he had seen the same message on facebook and knows no more. My so-called ‘family’ is not the communicative type so it didn’t surprise me that my mother didn’t call when she ‘somehow’ found out that my cousin had passed away on Monday, supposedly by a ‘rare blood disease’ caused by drugs and alcohol. I know no more than what I’m told.

While my blood family is a part of my past, sadly they will remain a part of my past. I have a few good memories (like those of my cousin Billy) that I can pull from the dusty closet but I keep the bad memories, filled to the brim, under lock and key. I want no part of that murky past wreaking havoc on my healing Spiritual Journey as I head into everlasting life with my Savior. I don’t know if I will ever see any of those people ever again but trust me, I will be all the better for it as they played their role in my life and now the show is over and I must bow out.

My Spiritual Family is the ones who are in my life now, daily supporting me, always a comfort to me, befriending me and never judging me or expecting anything from me. At least something good DID come out of the dark blanket that tried to shroud me, it called to me to write. Although my blood family does not know that I’m a writer or that for the past thirteen years or so that I’ve been away, I’ve been writing. They don’t know of my disability (they 'heard' about it but could care less) or care to know OF me. Out of sight, out of mind. But my spiritual family knows me sometimes better than I know myself and for that, I’m eternally grateful! My Spiritual Journey continues, praise be to God!

About Isaiah - one of my favorite books of the bible

1 Cor. 1:3 “Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and from the Lord Jesus Christ. [4] I thank my God always on your behalf, for the grace of God which is given you by Jesus Christ;”

My Spiritual Family

Pss. 16:11 “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

My Spiritual Family

I’m always talking about my family back home and about my past but I think I’m going to write a little about this Spiritual Family that has taken me in for the past thirteen years, walked with me through my healing and has had a major impact on my life. 

It all started with Steven. He was the one who came on his white horse and carried me away from the hellish life I had known and lived in Baltimore. We had known each other online for ten months prior to meeting in person and he had read my writing, my poetry, understood my gift and thought that I deserved to be nurtured and taken care of. 

He got me started on the writing path with Christian Writers Guild and after I completed that course he enrolled me in a free 6-week writing course. My life did a 180-degree turn from when I left home. Like-minded people surrounded me and I was helping total strangers learn a craft I had only been new at myself. 

I always felt that I had a gift and back home it was never appreciated or explored. I was never ‘allowed’ to be a part of the internet because that was the work of the devil in my family and my ex-husband’s eyes. Little did I know it was streaming gift from God that would take me worlds away from the pain I had lived for nearly thirty years.

It was as if God placed a spiritual family around me that would nurture my soul on so many levels. These people would care for me, love me, help me when I was in need and just basically be the new family in my life, but I would never meet them face to face. I would only connect to them on a spiritual level meaning connecting through our writing and the virtual world senses.

Bob Hembree, (WVU) would introduce me to my writing family who consisted of Benning, Dixie, Debbie, Leona, Birdie, Shanna and a host of others, some of whom have since passed away, God rest their soul! This is the family that I would communicate with on a daily basis whether it was about our writing or our personal lives, we soon became a tight-knit loving writing family. 

Then the doors continued to open via Jason Elkins. I still don’t know what he saw in my writing that he befriended me, which then led to more of my God-sent spiritual family appearing almost out of nowhere. People of faith were drawn to me through either my writing, my blog, through facebook or Twitter. I felt a sense of God working in His wondrous ways spiritually to bring people whom He knew would care for me and encourage me. It was He who placed them in my life.

My spiritual family then became my fortitude of strength behind the woman you see today. Sure you can all read about my unsavory past and draw your own conclusions but I know that God set me on this path for a reason, maybe the reason is still being researched by me but I feel God wants me to change the world, one word at a time. 

While He placed me in my blood family, He also drew me away from the blood family that would hinder His purpose for my life. He had me give up everything I practically owned and as many of you have read in earlier postings, I only came to Texas with Steven, with my son and our basic necessities in tow.

I gave up my life to follow God’s grand plan and to this day I am still following wherever He may lead. If you are reading this and are a part of my journey please know, God handpicked each and every one of you to accompany me on this leg of the expedition. I don’t know if you consider that a blessing but rest assured, I most certainly do because you have all had a hand in the Master’s Plan. I feel extremely blessed to have met you on this journey. 

God Bless Everyone!

Quotation Saturday ~ Family

Quotation Saturday

FAMILY

“All parents damage their children. It cannot be helped. Youth, like pristine glass, absorbs the prints of its handlers. Some parents smudge, others crack, a few shatter childhoods completely into jagged little pieces, beyond repair.” 
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven

“When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." 

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands." 

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way." 

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have." 

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded. 

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word." 

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...." 

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine-year-old to stand under a shower." 

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed. 

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure." 

Can it think?" 

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator. 

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek. 

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model." 

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear." 

What's it for?" 

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride." 

You are a genius, " said the angel. 

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.” 

― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers

“You must remember, family is often born of blood, but it doesn't depend on blood. Nor is it exclusive of friendship. Family members can be your best friends, you know. And best friends, whether or not they are related to you, can be your family.” 
― Trenton Lee Stewart

“Unfortunately, some family members are so psychotic that no matter how hard you try to forge a healthy relationship, nothing will help. Now that you're an adult, take refuge in the fact that some things are beyond your control. You owe it to yourself to steer clear of people who are harmful to your health.” 
― Andrea Lavinthal

“This, after all, was the month in which families began tightening and closing and sealing; from Thanksgiving to the New Year, everybody's world contracted, day by day, into the microcosmic single festive household, each with its own rituals and obsessions, rules and dreams. You didn't feel you could call people. They didn't feel they could phone you. How does one cry for help from these seasonal prisons?” 
― Zadie Smith,

DYSFUNCTIONAL

“It's my opinion, with some people, just knowing they are alone, living inside of their own miserable, self hating, dysfunctional mind, with their own immature, insecure, self pitying self is its own revenge. Their existence is their karma.” 
― Colleen Truscott Fry

“This is what we desire in intimate relationships but this deep connection is often so frightful that most do not take advantage of the opportunities presented for honesty.” 
― David W. Earle

“The dysfunction we are facing cuts deep into our social and moral values. Solutions are plentiful, but responsible co-creation is not (yet). We can no longer solve the many challenges by simply coming up with quick fixes. What we require is a transition in the way we co-create and experience reality. To step on the path of recovery and growth, we must establish clear and definitive objectives: 

- Institute effective and righteous democratic processes;
- Hold politicians, governments, and corporate entities, in particular, the financial sector and the media responsible to society;
- Reduce global inequality and improve collaboration;
- Improve relations and trust between various nations and groups;
- Simplify legislation and invest in a holistic education for all;
- Raise the value of righteous behavior and lessen the importance of material wealth.

To achieve this we don’t need a revolution, we need responsible evolution! There is only one path that leads to long-term prosperity: the path of truth. It doesn’t demand responsibility; it embodies it.” 
― Joseph Rain

Adopted

Eph. 1: 4-6 According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love: Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved.

Adopted by Christ

I was not physically adopted. I was actually born into a big enough family and being the baby, my brothers and sister set out to insult me and belittle me and make me feel as if I was an unwanted adopted child. I looked for someone to love me and value me as a child and I only found unconditional love from God. That really set me apart from the family because they all were set in their ways and had their own beliefs so when I was in ninth grade and became a born again Christian my family of  (in name only) Catholics didn’t take to the announcement of my conversion too well.

They all deemed me brainwashed, that the school I was in was a sinister cult because they were teaching me about Jesus. They thought that the family of Christians in my school was teaching me of the dark places that I would be tempted to go when all they offered me was an outlet; the protection of a God who wanted nothing in return but me as His child. Wow, how sinister yes?

Adoption is a conscious choice to make someone a part of the family. I consciously was choosing God over my blood family. Did this decision keep me from going down a darkened path? No way, you have to remember I had a big family (aunts and uncles too) that were all alcoholics, it was the norm. No one stood outside the realm of the family circle to stand up and say ‘protect this child’ but I knew with every fiber of my being, that God was the one and only who was going to protect me.

I never realized the dark force had such an enormous pull on every being around me. When my old friend called last week and said, ‘you were never allowed to be a child.’ The flashbacks came flooding in like a dam bursting open unleashing the darkened waters that tried to drown me.

No one knew that I walked in fear for most of my life. They didn’t care to know, what they did want to know is what I could do for them on any given day. Whether it was babysitting, cleaning, or supplying them with what they needed. Yes, I was a Cinderella thrust into an entire family of ugly stepmothers.

People wonder how it is that I became so close to God and wanted to tell the world about Him. Well let me tell you, when you walk barefoot on coals of fire through the pits of hell and God is the only one that stretches out His hand and found you worthy of being saved, you’d want to tell the world too. 

I’m sure you’ve read stories about people donating hearts to save a life and the recipient wants to meet the family in person to thank them? Or a rescuer who pulled you out of a car sinking in floodwaters, you need to see that person again face to face to shout out a thank you and hug them for their unconditional act of kindness. That’s what God has been to me, a life preserver, literally. My rescuer whom I HAVE to meet face to face but in the meantime, I’ll tell the world about Him.

“The highest reward for man’s toil is not what he gets for it, but what he becomes by it.”

~ John Ruskin

After the expanse of my rebellious childhood, if that’s what you want to call it, where alcohol was on hand by eight, marijuana by age ten then a host of other drugs were scattered in my path and I could have become like the addicts you see wandering the streets today. It wasn’t until I overdosed at twenty-one on whiskey, (yeah, death and the whole out of body experience) was I able to open my eyes to a brighter Light that saved me and I would tell the world of this Man that reached into the depths of death and pulled me out, saved me and shaped me into the woman you see (or read) before you today. 

Some people had parents that guided them to the straight and narrow; some had mentors that piloted their route but me? I had an all-loving God who saw in me something I could not see myself. God made me feel chosen, accepted, valued and loved whereas my biological family made me feel – just here.

Sometimes life is like that, you are placed in a loving, caring, nurturing family while others get placed in the center of a tornado and made to fend for themselves. But I’ve found through very many of the years of my life that it was only through the storms that I was being groomed by an ever-loving God who turned this mess into able-bodied lover of Christ WILLING to spread a message of LOVE across the many channels within my grasp. He has never given up on me and I will NEVER give up on Him. I just gently await the day I get meet this Savior, face to face. I day I was adopted by Christ was the best day of my entire life. 

Deuteronomy 26:18 "The LORD has today declared you to be His people, a treasured possession, as He promised you, and that you should keep all His commandments;”

My life was never perfect

Nor did I claim it be

Maybe people will love me

When they read my history.

~ Joni ~

Dysfunctional Family

Luke 17:3 “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.”

Family

Many know of the circumstances of my family. I’ve said over and over again we’re not a tight knit, religious in any way family but oftentimes that leaves people scratching their heads and saying “What?”

Let me paint a picture: I have an older brother, J, who is 59 and living in Tennessee somewhere. I haven’t spoke to him in about 13 years and there really is no doorway to communication for reasons I won’t elaborate.

Then there is my second eldest, T: He’s an oxycontin addict/alcoholic living somewhere in Baltimore doing the ‘house squatting’ thing ie: moving from house to house, flopping wherever he can.

Then there is Ja who I just spoke to yesterday. (more about him later)

There is M who is married to a woman 16 years his senior living happily high on life in the ‘we’re doing great ignoring you’ world.

Then there is my sister, T, who is wrapped up in her family struggling to be everything for my mother and father. I haven’t spoke to her since June when her grandbaby was born.

What a mixed up mess, eh? There you have it, altogether six non-communicative siblings and a dying father and a disabled mother. I call my mother daily and I have for the thirteen years since I left home for brighter horizons. Little did I know I’d be out here, in the middle of nowhere with the inability to ever return home ie: my birthplace.

Last week when my father fell ill, I thought he’d be home by Sunday but he wasn’t so I took it upon myself to notify Ja. (I’m using initials to protect their privacy) Ja had no idea my father was sick, no one felt the need to inform him and he thanked me.

Him and I were the closest of all siblings and as dysfunctional life proves, no one was happy seeing US get along and well, that is where a lot of resentment arose. Even my mother and father were annoyed of our friendship. And that is what it was, a friendship. I befriended the black sheep and no one else did. As always *I* was the lone warrior in an extremely dysfunctional family.

At one time in my life, I was the only one that spoke to EVERY single one of them. I was there for them, their kids, the parties, the births of their children, the godmother of two, the helper of all. Even my mother and father, I was the only one who was there for EVERY thing! When my brother Ja had a second child I thought I’d be a godmother for a third time but no, he asked my sister whom he was TRYING to be a friend to in some way. (Yeah, that didn’t work out for him so well as you can imagine.)

By the time I left home, it was MY time. I had to finally realize that there was no hope, no one left to LOVE the only way I knew how to love. I was branding myself a ‘self-imposed’ black sheep. The pain I went through the first six years or so after I left, no one knew, no one cared, no one called, I was alone without the crutch of the dysfunctional family.

Yes, *I* called, I cared and I still tried to hold onto the crutch until I couldn’t hold onto the nothingness any longer and let it slip through my fingers like liquid in a strainer. I had to let go to embrace the new family I had joined and was welcomed into with open arms. I am not judged out here in the middle of nowhere. I’m not expected to do and be more than I can be and isn’t that what life is all about really? Being accepted for who you are?

“And the day came when, the risk to remain in a tight bud, was more painful than the risk it took… to BLOSSOM.” ~ Anais Nin

My brother and I spoke for well over an hour yesterday. He went on and on about his kids, his life and how much he strives to be the father to his kids that my father wasn’t to us. He asked about the siblings and he was shocked to find out that our sister lived not far up the road from him and that three of her kids lived there with her. I did tell him that I didn’t want to come home and see my father in an urn or a coffin and he understood. Completely understood.

I did get to squeeze into the conversation that sometimes I had to walk with a cane because of arthritis in my back and he was like, “Wow, how old ARE you?” Then we went over the siblings’ ages and whatnot, finally ending the conversation with the ‘I love you’ and stay in touch jargon.

After the call ended, I was hit smack dab in the forehead with realization. None of them know me. Do they know I’m a writer? I’m the editor of a newsletter? Do any know of my pain and suffering with arthritis? Do any of them care about MY life or that I’m even alive?

I got the answer from my Father in heaven on whether I should return home to see my family. NO was plain and clear not much unlike my father on earth had said when asked if I should come home, “Maybe next time.”

Don’t pity me or misunderstand where I’m coming from, I am at PEACE with every decision I’ve made in my life and I WILL go on living the life that God Himself has etched out for me.

“Trust yourself. You’ve survived a lot and you’ll survive whatever is coming.”

 ~ Robert Tew

Nailed for You

1 Tim 1:17 Now unto the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, be honour and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Nailed for You

My nails they drip with blood

The pain will never end

I feel no one is listening

To messages I send.

The hustle and hurried world

Goes on without a care,

Ranting about the moment

In the media blitz they share.

Gossip crawls along the floor

Then slowly up the wall

Clinging to the idle ones

I slowly watch them fall.

Was death not enough for them

Were miracles a game?

Are blessings things that they seek

On a whim in my name?

While claiming that they look to me

They’re often caught unaware

Of falling in the pit to hell

Crying out that life’s unfair.

A voice was not given you

To babble like a brook.

Life was freely given

So it’s me to whom you look.

Wasted seasons spent

On anger that you spew

Withered moments now all gone;

Away from me you drew.

The time to call is not at death

Embrace me while you’re living.

To each and every one of you

My blood is well worth giving.

Col. 2:14 Blotting out the handwriting of ordinances that was against us, which was contrary to us, and took it out of the way, nailing it to his cross;

Built Over night?

There are three difficulties in authorship: to write anything worth publishing, to find honest men to publish it - and to get sensible men to read it.
~Charles Caleb Cotton

I see so many folk jump on the bandwagon of writing only to want to get it done, right here and right now. This career choice isn’t one where you go to college, come out with a degree and then become a rich and famous published author. It’s all about a snails pace mentality. You write every day, you blog possibly, you move forward step by step in hopes to achieve something of a positive result.

Many want a lesson to know about show and tell, they look for answers and feedback, get swayed by being the most popular in a class and are quick to help, and aid in any way they can. But I’m telling you once more, writing is not a popularity contest. Writing is long hard work. Dedication to knowledge in the field.

Don’t walk into a class, with an arrogance of , “My work is so great, I’m saving it for ‘proper’ publication.” You’re in a private classroom, locked out from the public, you’re creatively learning by doing writing lessons, and when someone wants to honor you on a good job, it gets published in a private ezine. And you, as a writer say, “No, I don’t want my work published, I’m saving it for the big leagues.”

We writers are an arrogant bunch. To think for one moment, that a lesson, in a class, where you are learning the ropes, is publishable in the ‘big leagues’?  Let me tell you now, arrogant writers, your writing is protected in a classroom. Even if published by your classroom ezine, does not make it, already published when it comes submitting time to the big leagues of the industry. The Big Guys are looking for polished work. They strive to find perfection in an imperfect world, they want knowledgeable and profitable work that is going to not only make them money, but bring you a few dollars too.

It’s a long hard road to publication, and no, you as a beginning writer are not going to become this great publishable writer over night. The road is bumpy and sometimes unpleasant. There are hurdles to leap over and hoops to jump through. There are hours upon hours of learning techniques and knowledge to form and shape a story into a money-making sold story.

Some steps to take to get where you’re going:

1) To learn about show vs. tell, Point of View, Character building, etc. , don’t wait for an online course to teach you what THEY know, go out and grab information for yourself!!! You can google simple words, ie. Show and Tell in Writing, to give you tons of knowledge.

2) Put all the information into a file and use it as you write and shape your story. If you feel that a sentence isn’t working, it probably isn’t. Dig into the knowledge pool and find out why!

3) Learn what publishers are looking for. You may think your story is the best on earth, but will any publishers want the same old, same old, tried and true crud that is already out there, or are they seeking something new and different in your work?

4) Set aside the popularity contest. Being popular is not what writing is about and will not get you one iota closer to being a published writer. If you need your ego stroked, you’re in the wrong line of business here.

5) Write! Write! Write! -- Being a writer means that you are going to spend hours upon hours writing and learning. A writing career is not built over night. It takes years of patience, blood, sweat, and tears.

Poetry Sunday~ Twilight

2 Timothy 4:4 And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
***

TWILIGHT

I claw my way out of the light
finding myself in the still of the night.
Wolves they howl and wild things stir
leaving my mind an ominous blur.

My nails they sink into the soil
I fight my way through lifeless toil
sweat rolls down my furrowed brow
the timeless flight cinches me now.

Creatures lurk as the abyss is looming
deadened trees have all stopped blooming.
He thirsts to drink my fruitful blood
I paw my way through moistened mud.

The beast is heaving ripe with lust,
cry if I will; die if I must.
Lord and Savior help me please
I lost my way; I’m on my knees.

Upon the hill the light it beckons
The Lord is near within just seconds.
Wrapping me in all His Glory,
I wake amid a fabled story.

Gone from me is all the dark,
the Lord has smoldered the evil spark.
I will never stray from the shade
The Lord my God has an angel made!

***
2 Tim. 2: [1] Thou therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.
[2] And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.[3] Thou therefore endure hardness, as a good soldier of Jesus Christ.

Poetry Sunday~Bloody Valentine

Bloody Valentine
***

The sunset does not glisten
like the stars soon to follow.
The night sits calm and quiet
as pain has left me hollow.

Night creeps in to peek its head
the crimson seared my mind
The barricades have been built up
across the sands we’d bind.

Often times a glimmer of hope
will shoot across the sky.
But morning claws toward me
I lay here left to die.

Tears they stream silently
upon my bloodstained heart
where has all the love gone;
my pain soon to depart.

The moonlight shadow dances
across this soul not mine.
I hunger for him evermore
my bloody Valentine.