Settling In...PTSD

1 Sam. 10:26  "And Saul also went home to Gibeah; and there went with him a band of men, whose hearts God had touched."

Settling in...PTSD

Settling into my home was not as easy a task as you’d imagine. Happy-go-lucky Joni was a shell of a being. The nurses had noticed in the hospital and nursing home, and they didn’t even know me, the physical therapists saw it, and my family just assumed I was sad. No, the trauma I had experienced was a little more than depression or sadness, it had all the earmarks of PTSD.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not a light analogy of depression or sadness, it is a severe trauma that is triggered ever so lightly by sounds, pictures, faces, or names. It is a fear so intense that not even the Light of God Himself standing beside you can wash away, it is THAT severe. People who don’t have PTSD will never comprehend the magnitude of pain a person suffers through.

Last year is almost a complete blank to me, except for the trauma. Have you ever opened an MS page and saw a blank screen staring you straight in the eye and you felt a trembling panic for a few seconds not knowing what you were there to write? Every morning I open my eyes a blank page lay before me; what I put on that page shapes my day physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. What people say or do become triggers like a bullet waiting to be tapped and released from the barrel, words can shoot a person down. Without even knowing the triggers, friends, and family set off a ticking time bomb inside the psyche of a person suffering from PTSD. Anger, fear, frustration, guilt, and shame all become an open floodgate in the way of tears streaming down my face at any given time. At home, the doctor's office, the physical therapist office, or even in the food store, tears unleash without warning.

When my home health nurse noticed my PTSD along with my physical therapist, I was put in touch right away with a counselor. While I liked Dee, she was more about telling me her story than hearing mine. It was fine because that is the kind of front I put up, I’ll help you, you can’t help me; it’s an unbreakable barrier. I basically thanked her for listening and sent her on her way as I cringed inside. I was broken.

I could see the pieces of myself scattered on the floor. I wanted ever so much to take a whisk broom and scoop the particles onto a dustpan and toss them in the trash but I was immobile, disabled. There was no scooping going on any time soon. I would sit in the silence of the house, meditate in the quiet of aloneness, and pray to the only God I know and worship. Only He could get me through this, in time. HIS TIME, not my time. Here we go again.

Settling into my new surroundings would have me fearful of nightfall. Sounds would ricochet off the walls while shadows would pirouette. You would think that home was familiar surroundings but to me, I felt as if I was an orphan dumped off to this house with a family I didn’t recognize.

As the fragments of my life lie on the floor, images of last year shine like a mirror swaying in the sun, blinding me as I see good and bad portions flailing about. This trauma was not a phase I was going to laugh my way out of as if nothing bothers me. Each step I take would be like tiptoeing in a minefield, a trigger to tears or to laughter, to pain or to joy. I don’t have a choice in the matter, I just tread lightly and make every day a new day, every step a step toward healing.

God's time is not my time as I stroll along the healing path. I’ll endure the steps I needed to take to get me to the healing sea where I will eventually take a luxury dip and swim like a fish in open waters. Right now I’m still in an saltwater aquarium awaiting release in the open sea. God tells me ‘patience’, ‘faith’, and most of all ‘TRUST’, and in Him is where I’ll find my healing. The Joni I remember is still there in the windowed world… it's just going to take some patience, faith, and trust to find her again.

Lam.3:23 "They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."

My Survival

Luke 12:15 "And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man's life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth."

SURVIVAL

My survival will be the life of me and the eventual death of me. I strive every waking day to be a vibrant life force in the world but sometimes my immediate surroundings and events throw a pebble into the smooth running cog. One minute I’m a peppy go-getter ready to tackle the world and in the blink of an eye I can turn and wonder what all this struggle is for, what purpose and to what end.  I read something yesterday about this path in life being the path we were destined to be on, good and bad, it is our path laid out for us. I know where the path leads but getting there is no walk in the park, that’s for sure.

I really feel sorry for the folks skipping down the path on their merry way thinking this is all that there is and just keep going until they hit a dead end. They neither care for the in-betweens, are blind to the beginning and end of the line, or they just can’t be bothered, they’re here to live and die. Well, that sounds like a fulfilling life.

Had it not been for this disease, I would still be skipping down the path, if truth be told. I would’ve never had a reason to fight to stay alive but this illness brought me to a juncture in my path and colored it with purpose. I’m not staying alive for anyone around me, that to me is pointless, I’m surviving for the end of the line, where I meet the face of Jesus. All this in between stuff is to show you the strength and determination that resides in people with a purposeful end-of-the-line view. 

My sister had an incident a couple of weeks ago where her outside electric box was shooting sparks. Fearing for the loss of everything she began gathering pictures and stuff that had meaning to her. The fire department came and said the electric company would have to come out and put a new box in. My sister, needless to say, slept in her car with her stuff until the next day when the electric company came. 

Maybe it is just me who is unattached to stuff but I thought if something like that happened to me, I’d grab my writing. I couldn’t think of anything else, nothing came to mind. On Sunday when we went to see his family, I looked around at the hundreds of pictures lining the walls. This family is all about pictures. When we were getting ready to literally walk out the door we were stopped by the words, “Let’s get a picture.” The picture wanted was not of hubby and me but of all of those who were there.

Four different people wanted pictures (I wasn’t one of them) and we had to stand and allow four different cameras to click a shot. Twenty minutes later we were finally heading out the door. I scratch my head thinking what is it? I don’t like my picture being taken for one, and also, there is more to life than pictures. Sure you get a snapshot of a memory but what for? To possess, to brag, boast and share? I don’t get it. You can never relive those moments and the best of the moments are stored in your memory, do people really need the physical picture? Is that what is important in life?

My point being in all of this is that people cling to the darndest of things. The materials we acquire in life are not going with us when we die. I don’t even know if our memories go with us. We move on and all of this is left behind, that is what I work every day for, the end of the line. Not for what is here and now, not for memories and pictures but of the life and the world I will live in when I pass. I guess I’m weird like that. I don’t cling to materials.

Words, not pictures, matter most to me. When I pass, my family will scarcely find pictures of me. They’ll look at the pictures they dig up, weep and cry for what WAS, what they missed, and what they didn’t get to see. The image will not tell my story by any means but if they scan my words, they’ll get the entire picture of who I AM! The images will show I lived, I died, but my words, they will enter your soul and you will FEEL me long after I go! This is one of the very reasons for my need for survival, to leave something worth reading behind. One picture is worth a thousand words but my words will hold millions of pictures.

I pray each and every one of you are touched and blessed by my words! My purpose will be fulfilled. All praise and Glory to God! 

Matt. 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

Honor Thy Mother

Ex. 20:12 "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."

Honor Thy Mother

This weekend coming up is Mother’s Day. I don’t usually celebrate these days but Mother’s Day has some importance since mother’s all over the world will be celebrated for giving birth and being a mother. Think about it, you would not be here without your mother.

Like any other inquisitive person I had to find out why we celebrate mother’s day in the first place. I was wrong in my assumption that we celebrated the day because we were celebrating Mary giving birth to Jesus or some other religious aspect. I learned something new today and want to share what I learned with you.

Info from my google feed:

Where does Mother’Day come from?

It is celebrated on different days across the world but is generally observed between April and May in the northern hemisphere. The modern holiday of Mother's Day was first celebrated in 1908, when Anna Jarvis held a memorial for her mother in Grafton, West Virginia.

Why do we celebrate mother’s day?

Celebrations of mothers and motherhood can be traced back to the ancient Greeks and Romans, who held festivals in honor of the mother goddesses Rhea and Cybele, but the clearest modern precedent for Mother's Day is the early Christian festival known as “Mothering Sunday.”

Who came up with the idea of Mother’s Day?

Mother's Day started as an anti-war movement. Anna Jarvis is most often credited with founding Mother's Day in the United States. Designated as the second Sunday in May by President Woodrow Wilson in 1914, aspects of that holiday have since spread overseas, sometimes mingling with local traditions.

Interesting facts about the Dark History of Mother’s Day.

When did Mother’s Day originate?

In 1914, Woodrow Wilson signed a proclamation designating Mother's Day, held on the second Sunday in May, as a national holiday to honor mothers. Although Jarvis was successful in founding Mother's Day, she became resentful of the commercialization of the holiday.

***

I think you get the idea. Mother’s Day was all about honoring mothers and here in America we chose to see the almighty dollar and commercialized the day to the hilt. 

I have always just written my mother (and father, Father’s Day) a card on this day honoring them with respect with words from my heart. I think that meant more to them than any money (that I never had) to give them.

While my siblings showered my mother and dad on their respective holidays with money ($100 or $50 with an expensive Hallmark card), flowers, or food (A dozen steamed crabs excited my mother and are always pricey), my mother and father always looked forward to the poem I would write that would either make them laugh but more often than not, make them cry. 

As my mother was going through the personal belongings of my dad after he passed she found poems of mine that my dad had in his drawer, his wallet, or used as a bookmark throughout the years. I cried tears of joy and tears of sorrow when my mother told me that my dad kept many (if not all) of my poems close to him. How much of the money, food or flowers did they still have, none, but my poems held weight, my words had meaning!

So as you celebrate this upcoming Mother’s Day, don’t think of the flower, money or card you can give her, think of the words you’d like to say to her, (it doesn’t have to be a poem) and write to her. Whether your mother or mom, or significant mother is alive or deceased, write to her. Trust me on this one, your words will mean more than anything to you AND mainly to HER, the mother you’re honoring. And maybe one day in the future you’ll find your words tucked in a special place of hers that she cherished.

If your mom is deceased take the words to her gravesite or read them aloud to her. Let her know that these are the words you wished you had said while she was alive basking in the gifts but not your words. Don’t let Hallmark be your words this Mother’s Day let YOU be your words this Mother’s Day!

Have a most BLESSED week my friends!

2 Sam. 22:50 “Therefore I will give thanks unto thee, O LORD, among the heathen, and I will sing praises unto thy name.”

Happy New Year...To My Return!

The frozen Platte River

Prov. 7:19 “For the goodman is not at home, he is gone a long journey:”

Happy New Year…to my return

Well, that break went well, except I missed writing every day. I tried and I am committing myself to pulling out some of my fiction and working on it but my blog needs me, my friends need me. 

You might think I don’t see you suffering in pain, and you might think I’ve left you all behind never to spare another encouraging word but it is that need that pulled me back. I need you all as much as you need my encouraging words.

Again I am not pinpointing anyone out here; my words are for many who see themselves in what I say. Pain. Who doesn’t relate to that one? Sickness! Who can’t say they haven’t been warding off a sickness these past couple of months (if not years); Not many I’m sure. 

I realized something the other day and am quite honored to say that people respect me and expect a certain manner and moral compass from me. They look to me for inspiring and encouraging words and will quite surely make note of when I’ve veered off track.

I posted something on facebook the other day with a negative overtone. While everyone expects the positive and encouraging words from me, they are quick to call me on anything negative. It’s kind of funny though, for an entire year I watched people day after day (and still do) share negative and hate filled posts and no one calls them on spreading hate and negativity. They just bask in the glory of feeling good about themselves by sharing the hate with the world.

That’s when I realized something, people respect me so much and have come to expect a positive energy from me that when something appears to have a negative overtone they steer me back on the enlightened path. That’s when you know your words actually are having an effect on the masses. That’s when you know that you’ve touched the souls of many.

So by realizing people miss my words of encouragement, I of course do what I normally do and that is WRITE! I think you all miss my blog because it is like I am journaling and you like peeking in on all that is going on with my life and how much like your journey is to mine. Not in a bad nosey kind of way but a good concerned kind of way as you relate. You think to yourself, ‘I wonder how Joni is doing’ and maybe wonder what I do to get through the same pain-filled days you yourself might be trudging through. I think you might need that bit of encouragement that has left your reading days empty while I was away. 

I’m back. I can’t give up writing and I certainly can’t leave you all hanging in wonder. I’ve decided to take you on this journey of discovering my medical condition so I don’t feel so alone is the process of whatever is going on with my body. 

I’ll seek a doctor, I’ll get diagnosed and I’ll let you in on the homeopathic process I hope I’m allowed to take. The only way they can diagnose MS is through a spinal tap and just reading about it made me cringe, so that is a big no! An MRI okay, if it’s an open tube (I’m claustrophobic), if not, I’ll live with my disability as I’ve been doing for four almost five years now MED FREE! 

I have some stuff to share and no facebook post is enough space, I NEED my blog, I NEED to write, and most of all I NEED YOU, my friends who CARE about me. So come along on my continuing journey of Christ and see where it is I’m being led to now. If you’re reading this, like it or not, God called you along for the ride! 

My trees awakened by the morning sun!

Another Year (poem)

Psalms 116:8 “For thou hast delivered my soul from death, mine eyes from tears, and my feet from falling.”

Another Year…

Another year has passed us by

We’re told to laugh and never cry

Sometimes our eyes don’t know why

A tear rolls down our cheek.

Another year has come and gone

Often struggle to face the dawn

Too many days I just hold on

A tear leaks from my eye.

Another year with all I’ve lost

My family torn it’s what it cost

Memories of the miles I crossed

The tears they never stop.

Another year with Christmas day

Without you here the price I pay

Our lives enhanced is what I say

The tears begin to stop.

Another year in which I fight

To know if what I did was right

And when I see the star filled night

The tears all wash away.

A note from the author:

For forty years I've written my mother and father birthday and holiday cards. This is one to my mother this Christmas. After my dad passed away last year, the tears flow more easily but I am healing, my mother, not so much, she's lost the love of her life and no words, (not even my poems) can take the pain away. 

Think of people who are alone this Christmas without their lifelong spouses, or lost children. 

Christmas is NOT a MERRY time for ALL. 

God Bless one and all!

Just A Meme To Me

Just a Meme to Me

I learn who you are through memes

The new world order so it seems

I don’t understand

The image is bland

Lies in disguise as one deems.

I often am left to wonder

Why people choose to plunder

What once was great

is it now too late

to dig out what has put us under.

I’d love to learn from word

What actually you heard.

Lines so discreet

The lies of deceit

The image you paint is so blurred

I learn who you are through memes

Intruding through the seams

You’re foreign to me

No words do I see

You’re rendered in picturesque themes.

Pss. 33:4 “For the word of the LORD is right; and all his works are done in truth.”

Oh God (the movie)

1 John 1:5 "This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all."

Oh God

The other night we watched the movie ‘Oh God’, I’d say a classic from 1977. I didn’t realize how poignant it was until viewing it as an adult who happens to love all things, God. 

Genre: Comedy, Fantasy
Carl Reiner directed this sweet comedy about the Man Upstairs visiting Earth in the form of a funny little guy (George Burns). John Denver is the good man chosen to be God's contact in the modern age--and like an Old Testament prophet, Denver's character pays the price by being ridiculed and faced with criminal charges. Denver is a warm presence, but the film is entirely in Burns's court. Reiner feeds him lines that come out of Burns' mouth like stage patter, and it's no wonder he got a huge career boost from this film in the winter of his life. Except for some courtroom stuff in the third act--where Reiner inadvertently cheapens the movie with editing tricks to suggest "miracles"--Oh, God! is just fine. (It's certainly better than its two perfunctory sequels, Oh God! Book II and Oh God! You Devil.) 
--Tom Keogh

A few quotes from the movie:

God: "Did Man fall from grace in the Garden of Eden?" I'll tell you something never came out. I made Adam 17. Eve was 15, 16 tops. I figured then 16, 17 was middle age, you know. Who knew people would live so long? Trees I figured had the best chance. Now I realize that they were kids, babies. Young people can't fall from my grace. They're my best things.

God: I know how hard it is in these times to have faith. But maybe if you could have the faith to start with, maybe the times would change. You could change them. Think about it. Try. And try not to hurt each other. There's been enough of that. It really gets in the way. I'm a God of very few words and Jerry's already given you mine. However hopeless, helpless, mixed up and scary it all gets, it can work. If you find it hard to believe in me, maybe it would help you to know that I believe in you.

Jerry Landers: How can you permit all the suffering that goes on the world?
God: Ah, how can I permit the suffering?
Jerry Landers: Yes!
God: I don't permit the suffering. You do. Free will. All the choices are yours.
Jerry Landers: Choices? What choices?
God: You can love each other, cherish and nurture each other or you can kill each other. Incidentally, "kill" is the word. It's not "waste." If I had wanted "waste" I would have written, "thou shalt not waste." You're doing some very funny things with words. You're also turning the sky into mud. I look down, I can't believe the filth. Using the rivers for toilets, poisoning my fishes. You want a miracle? *You* make a fish from scratch. You can't. You think only God can make a tree? Try coming up with a mackerel. And when the last one's gone, that'll be that. Eighty-six on the fish, goodbye sky, so long world, over and out.

Jerry Landers: I don't even go to any church!
God: Neither do I.

God: Why is it so hard for you to believe? Is my physical existence any more improbable than your own? What about all that hoo-ha with the devil a while ago from that movie? Nobody had any problem believing that the devil took over and existed in a little girl. All she had to do was wet the rug, throw up some pea soup and everybody believed. The devil you could believe, but not God? I work in my own way. I don't, I don't get inside little children; they got enough to do just being themselves. Also, I'm not about to go around to every person in the world and say, 'Look it's me, I wanna talk to you.' So I picked one man. One very good man. I told him God lives. I live. He had trouble believing too, in the beginning. I understood. I'm not sure how this whole miracle business started, the idea that anything connected with me has to be a miracle. Personally, I'm sorry that it did. Makes the distance between us even greater. But if a miracle helps you believe that I am who I say I am... I'll give you one. A good one.

God: The last miracle I did was the 1969 Mets. Before that, I think you have to go back to the Red Sea.

God: [Reading questionnaire] Which of the world's religions is closest to the divine truth?
[to Jerry]
God: The divine truth is not in a building or a book or a story. Put down the heart is the temple where all truth resides.

When Jerry Landers asks God why he won't work some magic and solve all the world's problems God responds, "I gave you a world and everything in it." So Landers says "But we need help!" To which God replies, "That's why I gave you each other."

*** ~~~ ***

This movie is profound on so many levels. We recently watched it and I remember the movie from when I was a kid but it never touched me the way it does watching it as an adult God lover. When Jerry ask God if he’ll come again so they can talk, tears formed in my eyes when the response was, “How about this, you talk and I’ll listen.”

People never feel like God is listening but He is, it’s just people are so caught up in the mundane they don’t have time to listen for an answer and I can rest assure you, He DOES answer. God IS alive! God loves us. I think He’d be much happier if we took responsibility for our actions instead of waited on ‘some guy in the sky’ to whisk in from the clouds and save our sorry tails.

Such a simple plot with such valid answers. Where has this movie in all of its original splendor been hiding? I personally feel that if everyone watched it today with new eyes like I did they’d see the movie in a different light and might, just might start trusting in themselves AND God again. 

To watch this movie you don’t have to be religious, believe in God, or even care if He exists, it’s just a lighthearted movie of its time that isn’t offensive in any way. You know one of those rare movies that aren’t slutified by the times; it’s just a pure wholesome movie for a world that is on its last leg of existence.

John Denver, in his only acting role, plays Jerry a simple honest man (another rarity this day and age) who’s faced with the fact that God chose HIM to carry a message. Funny thing is, God has asked us ALL to carry His message but I see not too many up to the task of doing such a simple job. Watch the movie again…you’ll be glad you did. 

My Spiritual Family

Pss. 16:11 “Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore.”

My Spiritual Family

I’m always talking about my family back home and about my past but I think I’m going to write a little about this Spiritual Family that has taken me in for the past thirteen years, walked with me through my healing and has had a major impact on my life. 

It all started with Steven. He was the one who came on his white horse and carried me away from the hellish life I had known and lived in Baltimore. We had known each other online for ten months prior to meeting in person and he had read my writing, my poetry, understood my gift and thought that I deserved to be nurtured and taken care of. 

He got me started on the writing path with Christian Writers Guild and after I completed that course he enrolled me in a free 6-week writing course. My life did a 180-degree turn from when I left home. Like-minded people surrounded me and I was helping total strangers learn a craft I had only been new at myself. 

I always felt that I had a gift and back home it was never appreciated or explored. I was never ‘allowed’ to be a part of the internet because that was the work of the devil in my family and my ex-husband’s eyes. Little did I know it was streaming gift from God that would take me worlds away from the pain I had lived for nearly thirty years.

It was as if God placed a spiritual family around me that would nurture my soul on so many levels. These people would care for me, love me, help me when I was in need and just basically be the new family in my life, but I would never meet them face to face. I would only connect to them on a spiritual level meaning connecting through our writing and the virtual world senses.

Bob Hembree, (WVU) would introduce me to my writing family who consisted of Benning, Dixie, Debbie, Leona, Birdie, Shanna and a host of others, some of whom have since passed away, God rest their soul! This is the family that I would communicate with on a daily basis whether it was about our writing or our personal lives, we soon became a tight-knit loving writing family. 

Then the doors continued to open via Jason Elkins. I still don’t know what he saw in my writing that he befriended me, which then led to more of my God-sent spiritual family appearing almost out of nowhere. People of faith were drawn to me through either my writing, my blog, through facebook or Twitter. I felt a sense of God working in His wondrous ways spiritually to bring people whom He knew would care for me and encourage me. It was He who placed them in my life.

My spiritual family then became my fortitude of strength behind the woman you see today. Sure you can all read about my unsavory past and draw your own conclusions but I know that God set me on this path for a reason, maybe the reason is still being researched by me but I feel God wants me to change the world, one word at a time. 

While He placed me in my blood family, He also drew me away from the blood family that would hinder His purpose for my life. He had me give up everything I practically owned and as many of you have read in earlier postings, I only came to Texas with Steven, with my son and our basic necessities in tow.

I gave up my life to follow God’s grand plan and to this day I am still following wherever He may lead. If you are reading this and are a part of my journey please know, God handpicked each and every one of you to accompany me on this leg of the expedition. I don’t know if you consider that a blessing but rest assured, I most certainly do because you have all had a hand in the Master’s Plan. I feel extremely blessed to have met you on this journey. 

God Bless Everyone!

When The Cock Crows

Matt. 26: 34 “Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.”

When the Cock Crows

Every morning before the sun peeks it’s lovely head over the horizon I hear something off in the distance, a rooster bidding me good morning. I always think of those words Jesus said to Peter, that he would deny him three times before the cock crows.

I often think of the bustling world out there. People rising from bed, going off to work, eating, coming home, sleeping to do the same tedious routine over and over again. Many people get into the mundane routine daily denying Christ. They don’t think they’ve been denying Him because hey, they read the bible, pray for people, go to church. What else could there be?

I feel like I’ve been picking on the Christian faith lately and I’ve prayed about why God is calling me to write what I write. I get this answer, “Because they are denying Me.” Well thanks God, could you give me a little more to go with? Then I wake up, hear the cock crow and on my heart is writing as I breathe in the morning air.

What does God mean when He says they are denying me? Think about it, what did Jesus mean when He told Peter? He knew that His beloved Peter would claim not to know Him in his WORDS and his ACTIONS! One night Peter is declaring his undying love, claiming he’d walk through fire for Jesus, then when Jesus needed his support the most, he denied knowing Him.

This is what has become of the Christian faith. People claim to follow Christ but in all of their actions and words they are denying Him on a daily basis! Sure you can place a little fish bumper sticker on your car to declare you’re a Christian but as you load up the car with a case of beer, what is that SHOWING the world? That you’re just buying booze for your mother? Why not, she’s a Christian too, right?

I do understand the whole drinking in moderation but when it becomes a weekly bout of inebriation is that what the Bible meant when it said ‘drink and be merry’?

Luke 12: “And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, and be merry.”

When Jesus declares ‘bridleth your tongue’ did he want you to cross your eyes and look at yourself sticking your tongue out? No! He meant that what comes out of your mouth will show your true identity in Christ. What you show the world is how you show Christ in you. The mask you hide behind in your daily routine is denying Christ. Imagine Peter when he wasn’t
surrounded by his friends in Christ, trembling and shaking when it came time to declare knowing Him. 

James 1:26 “If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.”

Is drinking alcohol denying Christ? No. Is disobeying the Ten Commandments denying Him? Not at all. Is denying Jesus [in you] to the world denying Christ? You bet. 

Mark 12:30 “And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.

31 And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.”

33 And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.”

The people of the world are so busy conforming, trying to fit in, and one-upping their neighbor for popularities sake, they lose the Christ in them and are content with just knowing Him. Here it is in a nutshell, just knowing Him is in essence denying Him. To love Him with all of the heart, all understanding, strength, and to love thy neighbor as you LOVE THY SELF! 

If you hate a person just because their values don’t agree with yours, that is hating your neighbor. I pray for the souls who don’t understand what it means to have Christ in them, shining out ward to the world so that the world sees Christ IN YOU! 

Matt. 10:33 “But whosoever shall deny me before men, him will I also deny before my Father which is in heaven.”

While Jesus showed anger at the demoralizing of the church, He did not HATE the men [neighbor] who hung him on the cross. What you see around you in the world today is the cock crowing, the world has denied Christ. Through images and idol worship, through the demeaning demoralizing of the Church, Christ is being denied. Through your actions and words you have denied the living God.

May God have mercy on you, bless and keep you. 

Thank you Lord, for allowing me to be a messenger.

Prov. 10:20 “The tongue of the just is as choice silver: the heart of the wicked is little worth.”

Copy/Paste or Die

Concordia, Kansas

Romans 8:28 “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.”

Copy/Paste or Die

Are you tired yet of the copy/paste this, don’t share, to show your support for (whatever the cause of the week is) on facebook? People who really care will copy this. Show the world you really care, copy this, don’t share. What is up with the world these days that people can’t even think for themselves? People need someone to guilt them into doing something? And I see the naïve weaklings suffering day after day as they fall into the rut of copying.

It kind of reminds me of when satan tempted Eve in the Garden of Eden. Here she was enjoying living and breathing, I imagine rollicking through the countryside prancing through the sun and minding her own business when out of nowhere there came a tree, the very tree of good and evil that God had forbidden them to eat from. 

Click bait is basically the same thing. Come now, taste the fruit of evil.

Gen. 3: [1] Now the serpent was more subtil than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden?
[2] And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden:
[3] But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die.
[4] And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die:

The click/bait scenario is ‘pleasant to the eyes’, looks good enough to eat or drink, makes you feel that if you don’t repost it, then you will surely die. Out of guilt and fear you post it, just so you don’t die. You’ve been snared by satan. You allow something that simple to draw your attention, fall into the web and smother yourself in the blood of satan. Why? Because surely you don't want to die.

Gen. 3:6  “And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.”

People share pictures of tortured animals, grossly deformed children, along with unhealthy food pictures all the while calling themselves 'good'  Christians, lovers of God, do-gooders of society. God is ashamed of the human race. He created us for good and this is what we give back? Basically slap Him in the face as we enjoy all of His pleasures but not in the way he intended, by no means.

By sharing or copying and pasting, you will not find a cure for cancer, you will not stop the nation from crumbling, you will not heal the sinner, and you certainly won’t find a cure for the lost, not all the scripture in the Bible will do that. (YOU have to be willing to change YOU before scripture takes root.) But you sure think it makes you look good falling in line with satan, right? I personally don’t think facebook is going to find the cure for ANYTHING except loneliness.

This world is so angry, so fed up they are hating themselves for not being able to do anything to make the change. I’m sorry people but facebook is not where you’re going to make a change, through a meme? Copying/pasting/sharing is NOT changing the world it is separating people from real life into a virtual belief that I’m almost certain is not from God.

James 1:26 “If any man among you seem to be religious, and bridleth not his tongue, but deceiveth his own heart, this man's religion is vain.”

People will say anything if it makes them look funny and lovable. While God loves a cheerful heart He does not condone your unbridled tongue. What you say on facebook does not stay on facebook, it goes out into the world and shows many your true colors; that of a deceiver ruled not by God.

Ephesians 5:4 “and there must be no filthiness and silly talk, or coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.”

People say they read the bible, live the bible but I seriously think they just skim the bible and take words out of context so they can live the way they want to live. It saddens me to see people defaming the Word of God by blatantly defying the very Word they proclaim to live by. They hold no shame because they are who they are, God will always love them but will He excuse their reckless behavior of His Word? Yes, He is a forgiving God but there is no excuse for vain ego driven actions to make you look good. Your actions speak louder than words any day. 

Psalm 109:17 “He also loved cursing, so it came to him; And he did not delight in blessing, so it was far from him.”

I thrive on the blessings bestowed upon me. I share all that He has done for me and I don’t lower myself for man so they think better of me, I live for God and God alone. I don’t profess to be something I’m not. I’m on fire for the mistreatment of God but only He can take care of self-indulged humans who think this life is a playing field.  Life is not a game.

As we get closer and closer to the end, this is not the time to toss away all you claim to live and believe in, now is the time to stand strong against the lures of satan whether in a simple meme post or the copy/paste/share scheme. Don’t be a victim in the hands of satan, stand up for God. Your eternity is counting on you, don’t let yourself down. 

God Bless!

Healing Through Prayer

1 John 2:1-2 (NIV)

My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have one who speaks to the Father in our defense -- Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

Healing through prayer

The prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective. It may be just me, but I do not feel an emoticon is righteous and should not be used in the place of prayer, real earnest prayer. I have learned through watching and seeing, feeling and knowing that prayer encourages healing and this is where I’m at, for now.

Who are the ones paying when I don’t pray? The negative influencing people could care less about me or whether they are hurting me or they wouldn’t post what they do and consider the pain they might inflict on people. No, they continue spewing their hatred, flaunting the ego in laughter and using God’s word for their own feel good show. 

When I can’t make it onto facebook and see the prayer requests, the only one paying for my lack of prayer are those in need of prayer and thus satan thinks he is winning the game. As I find healing it is only through prayer that the power of prayer is realized. While satan was wielding his pitchfork and laughing at my seeming demise, I prayed. My God has always been stronger and more powerful and I knew I’d find healing.

I need to stop taking everything people write and post as a personal attack on ME! I need to know that people are human and going to act accordingly in the search for their egos survival for without their ego, they are nothing. To me, they are the Legion referred to in Luke. Men of many faces, hiding in the armpits of satan, wearing the many masks that evil offers.

Luke 8:30 “And Jesus asked him, saying, What is thy name? And he said, Legion: because many devils were entered into him.”

The darkened days are clouded over with an air of mystery as night after night, day after day storms erupt from the sky unleashing damaging lightning, gusting forceful winds, trembling thunder, and torrential rains that leave the newly plowed fields unrecognizable. The sun is hiding behind the darkness waiting to warm the moistened soil just as God is waiting for me to embrace the light that is hiding within me and to override the negative influence with the Glory of Him and Him alone.

While depression will lay dormant I will get on the horse and ride into the sunset that I know is there and it will cradle my thoughts. I will not make light of the darkness that covers my eyes, no I will see the sun lurking behind the cloud waiting to pierce the ground in the light beams that will eventually devour the gray murk of the days.

I don’t use pills to heal my daily pain, I don’t use alcohol to hide behind a storm inside, I don’t abuse food because it serves me no purpose. I won’t go to a doctor who is only there to tell me what I DON’T have wrong with me and can only confirm what IS wrong with me when the tally of the doctor bill reaches the thousands, THEN they’ll find what is wrong and will medicate me for the problem instead of finding HEALING for the problem.

Each day that passes, I will slowly emerge the victor of the storm stronger because the darkness didn’t win, this time, yet again. A flower will unveil one petal at a time. Buds will emerge and the winds will strengthen the stem. I will continue to write, as this is my God-given path that I must pursue. While my immediate family could care less if I write, I know there are people out in the world seeking that one person who is suffering with them and wish to read how they handle such circumstances and maybe THAT is why so many storms take hold of my life so that I can weather them and share my healing with others like me. 

I'll weather this storm and find my healing through earnest prayer. All praise and Glory to God. 

Phil. 4: 6-7 “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Quotation Saturday

1 Sam. 2:3 “Talk no more so exceeding proudly; let not arrogancy come out of your mouth: for the LORD is a God of knowledge, and by him actions are weighed.”

DELUSION

“You will never find the real truth among people that are insecure or have egos to protect. Truth over time becomes either guarded or twisted as their perspective changes; it changes with the seasons of their shame, love, hope or pride.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“In reading The History of Nations, we find that, like individuals, they have their whims and their peculiarities, their seasons of excitement and recklessness, when they care not what they do. We find that whole communities suddenly fix their minds upon one object and go mad in its pursuit; that millions of people become simultaneously impressed with one delusion, and run after it, till their attention is caught by some new folly more captivating than the first.” 
― Charles Mackay

“My father taught me that you can you read a hundred books on wisdom and write a hundred books on wisdom, but unless you apply what you learned then its only words on a page. Life is not lived with intentions, but action.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“In dream, delusion, and fantasy, exist man’s next best reality: that place where he is the creator of his own worlds; where he builds, learns, discovers and entertains; is master of all outcomes, his own god of destiny, and thus the student of his own evolving and ever uncertain truth.” 
― Duane Hewitt

ARROGANCE

“When you think yours is the only true path you forever chain yourself to judging others and narrow the vision of God. The road to righteousness and arrogance is a parallel road that can intersect each other several times throughout a person's life. It’s often hard to recognize one road from another. What makes them different is the road to righteousness is paved with the love of humanity. The road to arrogance is paved with the love of self.” 
~ Shannon L. Alder

“Arrogance is a creature. It does not have senses.
It has only a sharp tongue and the pointing finger.” 
~ Toba Beta

“Be careful not to mistake insecurity and inadequacy for humility! Humility has nothing to do with the insecure and inadequate! Just like arrogance has nothing to do with greatness!” 
― C. JoyBell C.

“Patriotism ... is a superstition artificially created and maintained through a network of lies and falsehoods; a superstition that robs man of his self-respect and dignity, and increases his arrogance and conceit.” 
― Emma Goldman

“Arrogance is someone claiming to have come to Christ, but they won't spend more than five minutes listening to your journey because they are more concerned about their own well being, rather than being a true disciple of Christ. Blessed is the person that takes the time to heal and hear another person so they can move on.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

CONCEIT

“Time and time again does the pride of man influence his very own fall. While denying it, one gradually starts to believe that he is the authority, or that he possesses great moral dominion over others, yet it is spiritually unwarranted. By that point he loses steam; in result, he falsely begins trying to prove that unwarranted dominion by seizing the role of a condemner.” 
― Criss Jami

“If a man thinks he is not conceited, he is very conceited indeed.” 
― C.S. Lewis

“He thinks the sun comes up just to hear him crow.” 
― Charles Martin

“Why did you come in to-night with your heads in the air? 'Make way, we are coming! Give us every right and don't you dare breathe a word before us. Pay us every sort of respect, such as no one's ever heard of, and we shall treat you worse than the lowest lackey!' They strive for justice, they stand on their rights, and yet they've slandered him like infidels in their article. We demand, we don't ask, and you will get no gratitude from us, because you are acting for the satisfaction of your own conscience! Queer sort of reasoning!... He has not borrowed money from you, he doesn't owe you anything, so what are you reckoning on, if not his gratitude? So how can you repudiate it? Lunatics! They regard society as savage and inhuman, because it cries shame on the seduced girl; but if you think society inhuman, you must think that the girl suffers from the censure of society, and if she does, how is it you expose her to society in the newspapers and expect her not to suffer? Lunatics! Vain creatures! They don't believe in God, they don't believe in Christ! Why, you are so eaten up with pride and vanity that you'll end by eating up one another, that's what I prophesy. Isn't that topsy-turvydom, isn't it infamy?” 
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

“Arrogance is perhaps the most socially acceptable form of sin in the church today. In this culture of abundance, one of the only ways Satan can keep Christians neutralized is to wrap us up in pride. Conceit slips in like drafts of cold air in the winter. We don't see it, but outsiders can sense it.” 
― David Kinnaman

HYPOCRISY

“Often those that criticise others reveal what he himself lacks.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

“I wore black because I liked it. I still do, and wearing it still means something to me. It's still my symbol of rebellion -- against a stagnant status quo, against our hypocritical houses of God, against people whose minds are closed to others' ideas.” 
― Johnny Cash

“He wears a mask, and his face grows to fit it.” 
― George Orwell

“Those who plead their cause in the absence of an opponent can invent to their heart's content, can pontificate without taking into account the opposite point of view and keep the best arguments for themselves, for aggressors are always quick to attack those who have no means of defence.” 
― Christine de Pizan

“To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend.” 
― Jacques Derrida

ACTION

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be.” 
― Kurt Vonnegut

“Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.” 
― Mitch Albom

“People tend to be generous when sharing their nonsense, fear, and ignorance. And while they seem quite eager to feed you their negativity, please remember that sometimes the diet we need to be on is a spiritual and emotional one. Be cautious with what you feed your mind and soul. Fuel yourself with positivity and let that fuel propel you into positive action.” 
― Steve Maraboli

Sight

Sometimes we see only what we want to see. I try to see what God sees when looking out at mankind. I’m as discouraged as Him.

Ruth 2:13 “Then she said, Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid, though I be not like unto one of thine handmaidens.”

1 Chron. 22:8 But the word of the LORD came to me, saying, Thou hast shed blood abundantly, and hast made great wars: thou shalt not build an house unto my name, because thou hast shed much blood upon the earth in my sight.

Neh. 1:11 O Lord, I beseech thee, let now thine ear be attentive to the prayer of thy servant, and to the prayer of thy servants, who desire to fear thy name: and prosper, I pray thee, thy servant this day, and grant him mercy in the sight of this man. For I was the king's cupbearer.

Pss. 9:19 Arise, O LORD; let not man prevail: let the heathen be judged in thy sight.

Pss. 76:7 Thou, even thou, art to be feared: and who may stand in thy sight when once thou art angry?

Pss. 101:7 He that worketh deceit shall not dwell within my house: he that telleth lies shall not tarry in my sight.

Ecc. 2: 26 For God giveth to a man that is good in his sight wisdom, and knowledge, and joy: but to the sinner he giveth travail, to gather and to heap up, that he may give to him that is good before God. This also is vanity and vexation of spirit.

Ecc. 8:6 Because to every purpose there is time and judgment, therefore the misery of man is great upon him.

Isa. 38:3 And said, Remember now, O LORD, I beseech thee, how I have walked before thee in truth and with a perfect heart, and have done that which is good in thy sight. And Hezekiah wept sore.

Mal. 2:17 Ye have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that doeth evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and he delighteth in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?

Luke 4:18 The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised,

Rom. 3:20 Therefore by the deeds of the law there shall no flesh be justified in his sight: for by the law is the knowledge of sin.

2 Cor. 5:7 (For we walk by faith, not by sight:)   <--- b="" emoticon="" first="" found="" here="" in="" is="" kjv.="" smiley="" the="">

Heb 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
[13] Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.

Heb 13:21 Make you perfect in every good work to do his will, working in you that which is wellpleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ; to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

May God bless you all!

This Is The Year

Acts 4:22 “For the man was above forty years old, on whom this miracle of healing was shewed.”

This is the year people point fingers and say there she goes, talking about ME! Rest assured friends, I in no way am targeting any single one of you; actually I am targeting you as a collective whole. If you find what I’m saying to be true or you feel a tinge of guilt, or shivers run up and down your arms like ants on breadcrumbs, then I am reaching YOU!

This is the year of change. I don’t know why I’m clinging to those words but upon rising each morning it feels as each day is a new day to embrace change. What goes in my body, food or drink or what goes in my mind, images or negativity, and what I allow to circle around me!

Things I plan on changing:

I plan on making a change in my writing first and foremost.
I plan on not allowing people and their negative views of the world, cloud mine!
I plan every day to post ‘what’s on my mind’ on facebook not with the annoying tactic of memes but with WORDS, real words! (hopefully)
I plan on using the benefits of twitter more (as a writer)
I plan on making new acquaintances this year that the Lord will lead to me. (or I to them)
I plan on changing the world with my words.

These are just a few things that have begun changing in just seven days of the New Year. They started surfacing in the end of last year but I didn’t feel these changes in my bones until the advent of the New Year.

I swore I would put the mourning-filled year behind me and by daggone it, I will! I got so lost in the grief of the year I forgot to mention that my niece and her husband had a baby as well as my nephew and his wife, both had girls! I was so clouded in the darkness I totally brushed aside the good that happened last year and good things DID happen, I DID marry my best friend, y’know! 

So as my plan for change is moving along smoothly there are things I plan on NOT changing:

I will not be changing my prayer schedule, which is daily in the morning and thoughtfully throughout the day as needed.
I will not be changing my praise and worship!
I will not be changing my faith. It will be as profound and earnestly as it has ever been for over forty years now with added growth.
I will not stop drinking coffee. < - - just a little smile thrown in there for you

Now go and change what you can, accept what you can't change and be who you are! God Bless one and all!

Do Your Homework

Prov. 10:20 “The tongue of the just is as choice silver: the heart of the wicked is little worth.”

As a writer I was taught to do my research; research into facts before writing so that people can believe and trust in my words. A classmate in a nonfiction course recently said that he was writing a ‘creative nonfiction piece, embellishing a little here and there’. Well to me that is clearly fiction because it isn’t the truth. It is embellished truth. Just like facebook posts, embellished truth that no one cares to do research on.

I have two facebook accounts: one for family and one for my community of writers. On both pages I see people posting stuff just to cause dissension to the masses. Do they do their homework first into what the truth really is? No. They love the commotion and the hate swirling pool so they feed the fish that are hungry for anything to be angry at, seeking some sort of unified agreement into their hate; their unified hate, I might add.

What is ironic is that they post these lies in a let’s unite and fight manner but these same folk are the seemingly Christians who need PROOF of the living God? Wait, they can post lies without doing any research but need proof of God and His Word? We can all find the truth that we WANT to believe. Kind of makes me wonder if we don’t have a bunch of Jim Jones followers among the living. They are the folk that will follow any wind of doctrine handed them and try to pull in like-minded folk.

As I said before we don’t live in God’s world, we live in a political world where people are living and breathing politics and everything being politically correct and then squeeze in some time for God, for good measure I imagine.

This is going to be a year where we have a race for the Presidential finish line and everyone will be caught in the stampede not unlike the running of the bulls. Attacks will be bloated, lies will flourish like a streaming waterfall, causes will be heightened, illegals will be pressed like grapes in a winery, every agenda under the sun will be exasperated and the silent will fall.

Here we are living in the End Times and political issues are all that people care about, really? I don’t see anyone shouting from the rooftop that Jesus is returning. I don’t see them digging into their homework on THAT matter. Nope, satan has them wrapped around his little finger and they are engrossed in politics, being caught unaware no less.

A lot of people think I’m a closed-minded fool not caring about the world around me. What a false belief yet again. I care so much I just saved a beetles life that was drowning in a pool of water. Care? I care that people would rather focus on the negative aspects of life instead of focusing on the positive aspects thus bringing about a positive change.

I see people drowning in the pool of hate and I want to save them but unlike the beetle that will see the extension of a branch as a life preserver, humans would rather flail their arms and fling splashing water all around than grab onto the Branch of the Living that could possibly save their life.

I look out my window to see the pivots circling the field with nurturing water for the crops to be replenished day after day. While some humans would rather wait for the rain and do nothing to replenish their soul, there is Living Water out there that will fulfill you to no end. If you do nothing but see the negative hate in the world, you are missing out on the positive that the living, breathing Branch extends to you to restore your soul and prepare it for eternity.

The CHOICE is YOURS whether you do your homework or not. Live a lie or live the Truth.

John 15:4 “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.[5] I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

I Choose God, You Choose Sin

Phil 1:29 “For unto you it is given in the behalf of Christ, not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for his sake;”

I’m targeting this post to all the non-believers who think I chose a fairy tale belief just because ‘some men wrote it thousands of years ago.’ These non-believers are so quick to point out the wrongs with the Bible but are rarely heard exclaiming what is right with the Bible, which makes me think they have either read the bible and didn’t understand it or are just commenting and following what other people have told them, not basing their opinion on any scientific fact or any truth whatsoever.

Here’s the thing, you choose not to believe whereas I choose TO believe. I don’t judge the non-believers but they sure go out of their way to judge Christians for their beliefs. When the non-believer reads something like say, the Noah story where God flooded the earth and had Noah take two of every animal onto the ark; they choose to not believe this testimony. I’ve always been curious too but that’s as far as it went when I was a child but since the advent of computer technology (I had to dig through numerous books at the library before Google) I can dig and find answers more quickly now and have a CHOICE on what I believe. NB’s choose not to dig and just take everything at face value and judge.

Here is one comment on Yahoo that saddened me:

“What would jesus do? well if your jesus cant stop children from being raped in his own house of worship, what good is he? if your jesus is powerful and can do things why didnt he make that shooters gun jam, or have the bullets miss the people that got killed in his church? and if your answer is because of freedom of will and he does not not intervene, then why do people pray to him for help when someone gets really sick or if they survive a car crash they thank "god" for saving them. or when something really good happens they look up in the sky and say 'thank you jesus'. it makes me sick how if something good happens its because of the grace of god, but if something bad happens he didnt help because of freedom of will. christians are delusional.”

2 Thess. 2:11 “And for this cause God shall send them strong delusion, that they should believe a lie:”

I was going to correct all the grammatical errors in that post but it just speaks volumes as to the type of non-believers out there. I HAD to capitalize the first sentence because it drove me nuts but the gist of society is in this person’s voice. THIS is what is wrong with America today! (not grammar Nazi’s)

As we as a nation have turned our backs on God, why do people (non-believers) cry when HE turns His back on humans? You see, I don’t feel in any way shape or form that God has turned his back on us. I don’t feel that because a sick and deranged evil man unleashed gunfire on a church was in any way a time for God to step in and say, “Hey wait a minute, not in MY house!”  Earth is his House too, so why hasn’t he stepped in to wipe us out completely? The same reason He let Adam and Eve live after he commanded them NOT to eat of the tree of life or they would surely die, he had compassion on his creation. Maybe this is God’s compassion on us thinking maybe we’ll see the error of our ways.

Why do people pray to Him when they are sick? Because we KNOW the power and healing of our Lord Jesus Christ. How do we know? Not only because of the words of man because of the sincere depth of knowing Him personally, yes through his words to us but more importantly Him IN us; there is a difference.

Did God stop satan from offering the fruit to Eve? No, He didn’t and we now live with the repercussions of sin. When I see people rioting, I don’t think, “God, why don’t you stop them?” I more on the lines think, “Satan is in full swing.” When I hear the cries, “Black lives matter.” I think, “ALL LIVES MATTER!” Society is the remnant of satan and we’re living in times where Jesus doesn’t matter because of all the luring satan has done to human beings!

People CHOOSE satan over God, plain and simple. When they choose to rob, they’re not doing it for God; when they choose to kill, maim, torture they are not doing it for the love of God. Just as Eve chose satan and his delicious fruit, we as a human race have chosen what satan has to offer instead of what God has to offer.

When you say I have chosen a fairy tale to believe, you are assuming my life is shaped by a book and by words alone. I’m here to tell you, my life is shaped by God as a Spirit dwelling in me; sure I read the book, the Bible, yes I love the Words in the book but it isn’t who I am and all that has shaped me. I am filled with the Spirit of Christ first and foremost. My God has led me to this juncture in my life and it is to Him I give the Glory, not man and his hate.

I won’t judge you for choosing sin and satan or choosing nothing at all as long as you don’t judge me for choosing God! 

*author's note: I will not capitalize satan!

1 Thess. 2:13 “For this cause also thank we God without ceasing, because, when ye received the word of God which ye heard of us, ye received it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which effectually worketh also in you that believe.”

A Naked New Year

Acts 5:20 Go, stand and speak in the temple to the people all the words of this life.

Well as many spent their New Year’s Day sitting on facebook, tweeting on twitter, wasting a new day and the beginning of a new year, I was being productive and dismantling Christmas.

New calendars were hung and the first picture of the New Year? A Cardinal. That glorious red bird that visits me when he can is now on my wall for at least a month. That brought a smile to my face.

I sure get a lot done working with my disabled body. As I wrapped ornaments, snowmen and all, to be put away while Adam was unstringing lights from the tree and Christmas was slowly being sucked out of the house. By the end of the day my body was screaming in pain, not because Christmas was melting into the boxes not to be seen for another year, but because I try to do too much in a crippled body.

I woke thinking the day was going to be something special; that all the revelers knew something that I didn’t. I realized that I’m alone in the world of zombies. I woke to find it was a new day, the same as the day before, just a new calendar. The only thing that is going to change is me. I have to make some changes this year. This is not a resolution, this is a part of my continued soul searching and where it is leading me. There sure isn’t anyone going to do it for me.

1 Peter 4: 16 Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.

The scripture above says a lot to me. While I’m not ashamed of my Christian beliefs, what I am ashamed of is how loosely based the term Christian is used. People who fear Christ, fear salvation, fear being born again call themselves Christians. I have to laugh out loud when I hear/read “Christians fear Christ” in the same sentence.

The reasons people fear Christ is because they haven’t opened themselves up to the POWER of the Holy SPIRIT of Christ. They call themselves Christians without even knowing what spirituality is because that’s some far flung belief from old.

My path is leading me away. Not that I sit in judgment of man because I know full well I am not one to judge people for misunderstanding, I’m just done with justifying and excusing them for not having the strength to seek out and find the spirit within them. For all intents and purposes, they seek what is on the outside. They will have to answer to their god one day, too.

Life after death. My new calendar year, as so many others in the past, will have me seeking. What will become of me in my life after death has drawn interest in me. I am not focusing on the here and now because all of this will be gone in a blink of the eye. What will be left of us? Our bare naked souls.

I’ve opened a wounded soul and seek out healing. I cannot pretend that my popularity and friendships will walk me through the gates of heaven. I will not put on a show of wondrous works to walk me through the Pearly Gates because I KNOW, nothing of this earth is going with me when I come face to face with God Himself! The only thing that will be exposed is my conscience.

I will walk with no guilt or shame when the portal opens. My clothes will be peeled from me, my skin shed and I must stand in front of God exposed. You know, I try to live every single day as if I’m standing exposed in front of God. Maybe if more people believed in God, and more people took the seriousness of their life after death, the world would not live in fear of Christ or His words, they would fear their eternal life.

No scientist is going to verify any fact that hasn’t been granted to me by knowing the Spirit of Christ. When we walk in the Spirit, there is no room for doubts and fears. And when people wake up and realize that being a Christian is MORE than just a name to call yourself, more than just a religious faith, more than any human mind can comprehend, then and only then will they be justified in calling themselves a Christian. A Christian is a disciple of CHRIST. Nothing more and nothing less.

May the Spirit of God be with you all!

Acts 11:23 Who, when he came, and had seen the grace of God, was glad, and exhorted them all, that with purpose of heart they would cleave unto the Lord.
[24] For he was a good man, and full of the Holy Ghost and of faith: and much people was added unto the Lord.
[25] Then departed Barnabas to Tarsus, for to seek Saul:
[26] And when he had found him, he brought him unto Antioch. And it came to pass, that a whole year they assembled themselves with the church, and taught much people. And the disciples were called Christians first in Antioch.