And I Wait...

Pss. 59:9 “Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.”

And I wait…

I don’t know what to think and I really don’t want opinions of what I should do. These past two weeks I’ve had a setback. I mentioned it before with all that’s happened and I feel the setback was the wheat bread and the eating of the toxic grains.

I’ve eaten all these wonderful foods all of my life and never in a million years would I imagine something so good for you could be one of the elements causing this disease in me. I’m not even fifty-five years young and already I’m being affected by the strong-arm of an illness that has laid its hands on me, gripping me, expecting me to ‘submit’. I can’t do it. I won’t give up on God like others have done, I just won’t!

I hear people say they care about me but in all honesty, I don’t feel it. How can months (sometimes years) go by and people say ‘I care about you’ and nothing more? How is that caring? You thought about me? Because you think about me and my suffering, that’s caring? I just don’t get it. 

I’m trying to be okay with people passively thinking about me when it’s convenient for them. I’m trying to understand why I sit alone crying my eyes out and no one to listen to me or hug me and say it will all be all right. Just a comforting hug could go a long way in my isolated world.

I notice people give up too easy too. If they’re trying to lose weight, and it doesn’t happen instantaneously they give up. If they pray, and the prayer goes unanswered they give up on God for not being quick with a response. I’ve seen people give up on God who has received miracles, then just gave up with all that hokey stuff and lived life for themselves now that the miracle is over; enough time has passed, they should be safe, right? I guess so, if that is what you believe.

I myself feel I received a miracle of the regaining of my walking ability. For a couple of years the pain was so bad I was relinquished to using a cane and allowed onlookers to pity me with their eyes. People don’t realize their eyes are like speakers when sizing people up the volume is set to high and the bass is felt loud and clear from the person you draw eye contact from. I don’t need the eye contact to feel the faces of pity looking at me.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve come a long way in regaining my strength and the ability to walk, so much so I proudly traipsed around feeling invincible. No one is invincible; a few slices of bread and overconfidence will knock you on your butt and take it all away with one night of sleep. Let me tell you if you don’t have those backup supporters who say, ‘they care about you’ the fall hurts even more.

I’m a mess this week. I had a bad day that led to a couple more bad days and now I try to pick myself up from the rubble I’ve left strewn about the place. I’ve needed a good strong physical hug but even that is scarce because my pain is so bad, it hurts to have a hug. I’m straining to see the light at the end of the tunnel that I know is there. When the pain is so overwhelming it is hard to see or hear anything.

I love the fact that people turn to me for strength, direction, assistance, aid in helping them but in times of my hurting, those tasks are impossible so I shy away from the very venue of that portion of love I receive. I’m hurting, how can I help someone when I’m in the throes of a setback and no one can visually see how bad my days are, again because ‘they care’ but not enough to consider I might be having a hard time or bad day myself.

I want to gently show my friends that while I’m having this hard time, I still can see the light way off at the end of the tunnel. My tears stream, my pain unbearable, my cries to the Lord louder than ever and the echo, the echo of my voice is haunting. In the days of these struggles, the scripture that stands out to me is from Isaiah 40:31

 “But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

I have a birthday coming up and I’m not even looking forward to the day. It’s just another day. That’s what people say when they get older, y’know? A good thing my son, who is young, says it now so he has no false illusions about the world around him. It’s just another day. I should get a plaque stating that and hang it on the wall! 

Along with my setback comes grumpiness, bitterness, and downright insensitivity. This is the point where I’m supposed ‘to think’ but I don’t. I put no rein on my thoughts or insensitive blurts. I fail. I don’t think of others and how they might be feeling when I boast of my weight loss when they can’t lose a pound to save their life, or my lack of pain when there’s has them bound to drug relief, or my rejoicing in how great I’m doing walking with a bounce in my step and light in my life. Maybe they want to hear the hard-grained steps I have to bear to wake up each day in the light of optimism. Maybe they long to hear of a setback so they can say ‘aha, I knew you should’ve gone another route’. I’m on the edge about to fall over the cliff and can’t find the upbeat rhythm of words they need to hear to get through their bad day. So there, I’m having a momentary lapse.

I have a loving relationship with God and I know we’ll get through this band of pain together. I wonder sometimes if people think that God has a special light set to shine just on my face but let me tell you, God’s love has no perimeter, His love for us is as personal as any loving relationship we’ll ever have in life. He has no preferential treatment for just me. He loves us all the same. Do we all love Him the same? I don’t know. I think we all try but we all have that period of ‘now we wait’, how each of us handles this period of patience is most definitely different! 

1 John 4:13 “Hereby know we that we dwell in him, and he in us, because he hath given us of his Spirit.”

Our Daily Bread

Matt. 6:11 "Give us this day our daily bread."

Daily Bread of life

Did you know that doctors are legal drug dealers, they are not our bread of life? If you go to a doctor chances are you’re being dealt legal drugs. You think because he/she is a doctor they know what is best for you for certain. I think we blindly walk into the office thinking this man or woman has got the cure our bodies’ desire.

The mind is a powerful essence. Have you ever gone into a doctors office, left with a prescription, got it filled and went home and popped the pill in your mouth? Did you do any research on the dangers of the drug first? Of course you didn’t because you trust that the doctor knows what is best for you. Your mind is conditioned to believe anything a doctor says.

If you watch television, I’m sure you’ve seen the legal drug commercials, you know, the ones telling you they have the cure for cancer, arthritis, MS, depression and a host of other illnesses. It shows a beautiful, thin person, running, jogging, smiling, no sign of pain? Yeah, because she’s on drugs. She is now a drug addict. A legal drug addict but a drug addict nonetheless.

Did you ever listen to the extremely quickly spewed side effects? May cause liver damage, suicidal tendencies, migraines, brain fog, heart palpitations, skin disease and more. This is what the legal drug dealers sell to YOU! You’re fine with it because the person that sold them to you is a doctor and he MUST know what he’s doing right, he wouldn’t basically kill you now, would he?

I, along with you, have seen too many stars die from these legal drugs just to name some from my era, Michael Jackson, Prince, and Robin Williams. I know you’re gonna say that they abused these prescribed drugs but the truth of the matter is, they TRUSTED their doctor, just like you, to cure them of what ailed them. They too did not read of the side effects because they TRUSTED their doctor.

When I was diagnosed with this dreaded disease and they wanted to sell me their product with words like cure, cure, cure, life, life life, do it, live. The words echoed in my mind like a tuning fork. When I very simply, calmly asked for time to think about it, research the drugs, there was marked frustration and anger filling their voices. I’m talking two oncologists, trained doctors whose job it is to heal! The Hippocratic Oath jargon? They don’t heal; they are drug dealers, nothing more. The antagonists went on to say words like non-committal, fear, and death. Yes sir, those are words you want to hear from a doctor. I myself would like to hear words like heal, health, nutrition, but it is not to be so with doctors, the majority of them anyway.

From Wikipedia: “It is often said that the phrase "First do no harm" (Latin: Primum non nocere) is a part of the Hippocratic oath. The phrase as such does not appear in the oath, although the oath does contain Latin: ... noxamvero et maleficium propulsabo (Also ... I will utterly reject harm and mischief). The phrase "primum non nocere" is believed to date from the 17th century (see detailed discussion in the article on the phrase).

The very Oath that a doctor will swear by is to DO NO HARM, yet they prescribe drugs that are basically going to destroy that which God made. I find it kind of ironic that some dentists don’t like to prescribe antibiotics or pain medications. The dentist I went to told me that the body was made in such a way to heal itself, antibiotics can hinder the immune system from doing what it was made to do.

Faced with this illness, research led me to the prescribed antibiotics I took as a child for mononucleosis, tooth loss, infections, and mercury fillings; as a child! Yes, the illnesses and the prescribed drugs have now come back to haunt me.

So as you sit there ingesting drugs on a daily basis, try to think of the illnesses that ARE going to strike you down the road and rest assured they will strike. What is going to be your first line of defense, taking more drugs from the pill pushing doctor? Sure, because you don’t believe that health and nutrition are the actual cures.

Our daily healthy life sustaining bread has been in us all along and we only needed to tap the source to find a healing or a CURE for ANYTHING that ails us! God wasn’t messing around when He created us, He made our systems in such a fashion that we have the ability within us to heal. Granted, we DO need doctors because we’ve ignored the Holy Spirit, the sustaining waters and bread of life, all of our lives and now we need a pacifier to make us feel all better and to shut us up, we’re programmed that way.

Luke 4:4 "And Jesus answered him, saying, It is written, That man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word of God."

Holy Week - The Multitudes Shall Eat

Matthew 21:9 And the multitudes that went before, and that followed, cried, saying, Hosanna to the Son of David: Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord; Hosanna in the highest.

 The Multitudes Shall Eat

Wayward legs they followed Him,

into the desert they strode.

Not for care of food to eat;

the pace was surely slowed.

Compassion for the multitude

He raised a hand to speak.

“Feed the hungry as they come

for all the ones that seek.” 

Five loaves of bread to feed the many,

two fish to fill the crowd.

Gathered were the faithful, 

now sitting all heads bowed.

“Bless this bread, I give to thee,”

He broke the loaves in two.

Dispersed to his disciples,

with divinity, it grew.

“Fill not only with food you eat,

but also with my Word.

Remember My Father blesses thee,

with all that you have heard.”

Matt.14: 14-21 "And Jesus went forth, and saw a great multitude, and was moved with compassion toward them, and he healed their sick. And when it was evening, his disciples came to him, saying, This is a desert place, and the time is now past; send the multitude away, that they may go into the villages, and buy themselves victuals.

But Jesus said unto them, They need not depart; give ye them to eat.

And they say unto him, We have here but five loaves, and two fishes.

He said, Bring them hither to me.

And he commanded the multitude to sit down on the grass, and took the five loaves, and the two fishes, and looking up to heaven, he blessed, and brake, and gave the loaves to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.

And they did all eat, and were filled: and they took up of the fragments that remained twelve baskets full.

And they that had eaten were about five thousand men, beside women and children."

In honor of National Poetry Month and my very spiritual Holy Week, I will share a worthy reposted poem each day ending with Resurrection Sunday!

May God bless you all as you move through this week

remembering what was sacrificed for you.

May you do just a morsel for Him! 

My love to all!

Poetry Sunday ~ No Heaven In Hell

Image by Elaine DeBoucher

Pss. 139:8 “If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.”

No Heaven in Hell

There is no heaven in hell

Only a place for sin to dwell

The liars charred in flaming fire

When hell becomes their one desire.

There is no hell in heaven

Souls transform like leaven

To rise above the earthly skies

Heaven gives home to the wise.

There is no heaven in hell

The hypocrites home a shell

Tears will be shed for the dead

Who dare not cling to the Bread.

There is no hell in Heaven

Unclean souls to beckon

Roaming through the stardust light

Bid the cosmos a sweeping g’nite.

There is no heaven in hell

The party’s over it's time to quell

Thirst you crave throughout the day

Allow our Lord to Light the way!

~ ~ ~ * * * ~ ~ ~

Isa. 35: 8-10 And a highway will be there;

    it will be called the Way of Holiness;

    it will be for those who walk on that Way.

The unclean will not journey on it;

    wicked fools will not go about on it.

 No lion will be there,

    nor any ravenous beast;

    they will not be found there.

But only the redeemed will walk there,

     and those the Lord has rescued will return.

They will enter Zion with singing;

    everlasting joy will crown their heads.

Gladness and joy will overtake them,

    and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

Tunnel Vision

2 Cor. 4:18 “While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.”

Tunnel Vision

There is a world around me that has tunnel vision. They only see one point of view and that is theirs or people who believe in the same thing while all others are wrong and considered a liberal. Their vision is so shallow, any attempt to steer them right they become boisterous, overbearing and sometimes downright rude.

I try desperately to separate myself from them but as a living loving soul, I see a good spot in all people, in all walks of life and in many different colors. Here lately what has been bothering me has been the bashing of Religions, Races and Lifestyles. I just don’t get it or understand and I wish someone could enlighten me without bashing me and calling me a Libtard, why because I have an open mind as opposed to being close-minded?

Take the Muslim religion. There is such a hate for them because of what they see on TV, read on their screen, or listen to a minister bashing the Muslim faith. Do people try and understand the religion or would they rather jump on the bandwagon of hate? You cannot brand them all the same and if you took one second to stop hating, you might see a human being in there somewhere.

Note: Have you ever walked past a Mosque and had Muslims come running out with machetes ready to behead you? Of course not. You only hate what the Arab country and their men are doing. You don’t even understand the culture OR religion, you just want to hate

Then there is the black community. They are not all the same! They don’t all agree with the hate that is thrown at them. They don’t all want to riot and start fires and protest, they want to be HEARD but it is the people with tunnel vision who only see blacks as a degrading term. Have you ever had one in your home, eating off of your forks? I did and guess what, they are human too!

Note: Have you ever lived in a black community? Did they run the streets rioting and burning down houses? Of course not. You only hate the black community when it fits to your form of hate filled attitude. You have never tried to understand the culture or the person of a different color.

And guess what? I’ve sat at the same table and on the same church pew as a homosexual. Did I move away as if the person had the plague? Did I run home and put on facebook, “How could they allow those people in a church?” What sick and twisted mind thinks like that? I’ll tell you what kind, the people with tunnel vision who only see what they want to see and agrees with only those who are in agreement with their line of thinking.

All other people are just wrong!

Let me ask you this, do you bash the Catholics? They worship false idols. I was born and raised Catholic and around the Church sanctuary there are statues of Mary and Jesus and I have many times seen women at their feet praying to the statue. They place statues of Mary in their yard in hopes it will bring them good will and grace. They have priests who have been molesting small children long before there was EVER an internet with social media coverage. They pray and worship the Saints too. Are these atrocities any worse than the raping of women or the beheading of Christians?

Do you bash the Jews? They don’t even believe Christ is the Son of God. But do you bash them? No, or maybe this is one of those things you hide when you proclaim, “I stand with the Jews.” Do you really know what you’re standing for? Of course not, you don’t WANT to understand their culture.

You pick and choose the scripture that suits you. You also pick and choose which religion is wrong (meaning not the same belief as yours); you pick and choose who you love and hate. When Jesus said, “Love your brother as yourself.” He NEVER said pick and choose which brother you’ll love and hate or surely He would have HATED Judas for betraying Him, right?

You might not want to believe this but you are the Judas’ of Christianity. You are selling out Christ for what YOU believe in. Selling out mankind for all that Jesus taught, for what, a political allegiance, an ‘I’m right, your wrong’ attitude? 

You pick and choose sin like it is today’s bread to eat. “It’s only a small sin. I stole a gumball not a car.”  Isn’t stealing, stealing? Can we choose our sin too? Mankind is lost with his tunnel vision intact, seeing and believing in what he picks and chooses, not what is right and what is wrong.

When Jesus said, “Man cannot live by bread alone.” For some reason, I don’t think He was talking about the loaves of dough we eat; He was referring metaphorically to the Word alone. His Word alone is nothing and meant nothing if you don’t PRACTICE what He PREACHED!

Alleluia Amen! God bless each and every one of you.

Phil. 4:9  “Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.”